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Two children in the kindergarten after the New Year:
- And for me on New Year's Eve a car was given such a radio-controlled button, and another shotgun shoots, and another box of chocolates and more. And what did they give you?
"And that's all?"
"Well, not everyone has cancer of the blood ..."
In the kindergarten, educators discuss the script of the New Year party.
- Children need to somehow cheer, so that everyone was happy.
- And let the Snow Maiden spray it from a gas can ...
- Then it's better to call the riot police, let them baton ...
- Let's immediately terrorists, so that they blew up two hundred grams of TNT equivalent. Who will survive - just be happy!
A drunken man comes to the toilet and says:
"Ichthyander, my son!"
A man, putting his fingers in his mouth:
"I brought you something to eat ..."
Madame, I have not thought of you ...
We will postpone the prelude for the future ...
Sometimes without vodka it's hard to be a man ...
Here's the earrings, then just do not need to shoot! ..
With such a salary it's hard to be loved ...
You in the virtual looked better ...
A man's beard must be blue! ..
With catheter in the groin do not build eyes!
For once you would have refused for decency ...
Today you are more beautiful than tomorrow! ..
About how you would go rocker! ..
And again you preferred the bed of friendship ...
You, dear, do you know how to play chess?! ..
Such an end will not be the crowning point!
My favorite! You dress better ...
You are romantic, like Kafka's novels ...
No, this can not be a heating pad ...
I carried flowers, and you - already in bed ...
He, like a baby, did not hold a head ...
I'll give you exactly an hour to get carried away ...
Why did you deny yourself! ..
Shot while trying not to get married.
Let's be friends again! ..
There are positions where you do not need a way out ...
The erection should be majestic ...
Yesterday, the hoarse, voicing porn ...
Castrated, but undefeated ...
Who is so good, as you are with me?! ..
The fourth time you will not be hurt ...
In vain "Hyundai Hoh!" I cried to the onanist ...
Shirinka did not hide the bitter truth ...
How many I did not promise to marry! ..
How painful it is to know that horseradish is not sweeter than radishes! ..
The ambiguous phrase: "I have the honor!" ..
The demise will not surprise me ...
How romantic - to cum in the fence ...
Than to live with you - it is better to live with yourself ...
It's not so easy to stand in the aisle ...
Though I would like to surrender to lust ...
He satisfied only curiosity ...
Who the quadrille, I leave behind the scenes ...
He lost his temper, but without orgasm ...
Such I love otrahtsiony! ..
Do you have adultery?
I do not remember what you are wearing ...
He moved faster than the gonococcus ...
Although looking up, but still - does not convince ...
And me without you, in fact, like with you ...
Sometimes it is more pleasant, not knowing the name ...
Why are you with an erection - on the bus?! ..
A "Masturbator" - not a Mongolian city?! ..
He was an active member of the homosexual ...
You can stay. But - get dressed ...
But I'm prettier than a vibrator! ..
And in the morning you are again in the evening dress ...
All the same, your profession is not ancient! ..
It's not for you to master, so languages ..
- Comrade personnel officer, do you take work with surnames to "ich"?
- And the "zones"?
- What more!
- And on "ko"?
- This - please.
- Kogan! Come here!
- What is miracle Yudo?
- Jewish child, adopted at the Faculty of Mathematics of Moscow State University this year.
Rabinovich is not recruited despite the fact that he is Russian.
"I'll take a better name than a Jew!" says the chief.
Some women spend their entire lives on 10-centimeter hairpins, pull the undercoat all over the body, blow the silicone under your skin, remove the lower pairs of ribs, pump out fat, cut the skin on your face, but do not like anal sex-see if it hurts!
- 99.99% of men at least once in life engaged in masturbation.
- Well, and these, which in 0.01%, with them what?
- It's armless.
Girls! Are you afraid to walk through the dark streets at night? Spread the legs with lard, and a cheerful flock of domestic dogs will not let anyone in!
"Dad, Dad, I'll never go riding with you on the sled again!"
- Do not talk, but pull more, asshole! ..
A little boy comes with a mother to see a doctor. The doctor examines it and asks:
"Boy, boy, how old are you?"
- This year will be seven!
- What are we optimists !!!!!
Talk two girlfriends.
"How could you call me a fool at all ?!"
- Sorry, you did not warn that you are hiding ...
They often ask: What is better - oral sex or Klinskoe beer?
Answer: Of course, oral sex! It's nice, it relaxes, relieves stress and tension ... But, on the other hand, you will not tell your friends: "All for blowjob, I treat !!!"
Morning in the Gypsy Family:
Who woke up earlier - he dressed more beautifully ...
What does Russian do when his team wins the World Cup? turns off playstation and goes to sleep!
Cinderella, you ride on your carriage and get acquainted with the prince.
"Do not worry, all the peasants goats!" Better conjure me a million!
"I'm not a sorceress, I'm a fairy."
- Well then nafeyach.
"Do you have so much naphea?"
-Mum, take Fae!
-No, I use proven means!
-Mum, take it, feyr while the proverb does not look!
Everything is so expensive in Moscow! "Lamborghini Diablo" buy 500 thousand dollars worth. For comparison, we have in Saransk kilogram of buckwheat - 12 rubles.
In the head of my sawdust - It does not matter.
Because I'm blonde ... yes, yes, yes!
There are two friends.
- Where have you been?
- I ran for bread ...
- And that, caught up?
A military unit? ... A smoking room. 4 lieutenants are sitting. One offers to go to the commander of the part to ask for leave. We got up and went. Comes to the commander first:
"Comrades, Colonel, Lieutenant Pupkin." Allow me to leave.
- What! On vacation, you say? Let's rationalize the rationalization proposal) - go on vacation!
- Easily! There you have grass under the window under the window mowing. What's he waving in one direction? Let's tie it to the second braid, let it mow left and right!
- Well done! On vacation!
The second comes:
- Give a rational proposal ...
- Easily! There you have grass under the window under the window mowing. What's he waving to and fro? Let him tie a fork to a braid, let it fold into a pile!
- Well done! On vacation!
The third comes in:
- Give a rational proposal ...
- Easily! There you have grass under the window under the window mowing. What's he waving to and fro, throwing grass into piles? Let's tie the trolley to him, let him take it right away!
- Well done! On vacation!
The fourth comes:
- Give a rational proposal ...
- I do not know.
- Well, uh-oh ... So go think. Come up and come!
Leaves the lieutenant on the porch, lights nervously, stands "turnip wrinkles."
And then this soldier comes to him. With this shit in his hands with a trolley tied, all sweaty, exhausted. And angrily so, asks the lieutenant:
"Che, comrade lieutenant, do you want to go on vacation?"
- Yeah ...
"B ... you can not think of a proposal!"
- Yeah ...
- B ... ь, FARU ME ON THE FOREVER !!! HEAD !!! TO PUT YOUR NIGHT !!!
The man is calling from a deep hangover to his sidekick:
-Yes, we drank beer yesterday?
-And did you drink vodka?
Did you drink rocket fuel?
-And you did not go shit yet?
-Yes, do not go, I'm calling from Tokyo!
After his death, Sherlock Holmes gets into purgatory, he has to go through three tests. Lead to him 10 completely identical young men, you need to determine: who is the first human Adam.
After a few minutes results: As determined asked, it just says he has no navel.
Stuck the navel, mixed with the remaining nine. In a couple of hours he leads: how did he determine? He had to feel his ribs, he had no ribs.
The rib was corrected, mixed. Holmes does not appear long, however, leads. "Right, how did you know?"
The method of deduction: I told them - Go all to e %%%% mother, one stayed, the others left.
- Oh, this mood is gone .. Can I kick your dog?
An explanation of the soldier of the RF Armed Forces:
On a certain date, I was dressed as an orderly by the company, the TV stood on a nightstand, it was visible on it, and a musical center stood nearby. Then I blinked ...
"Doctor, write me Viagra."
- And what, problems?
"Yes, doctor, it's not worth a job."
- For work, however, is better than Vaseline.
The addict "finishes" the third cant:
"Oh, I'm flying, flying!"
The wino crawls past:
- Give me and give it to me!
- Well, on ...
The drunk was dragged out one time, another ...
-Something I'm not fucking flying ?!
-Ah, give here! Born to crawl can not fly!
The husband and his wife go by car and quarrel. Passing by one village, they suddenly see a couple of pigs. Wife:
- Yeah, mother-in-law with father-in-law.
In the compartment on the lower shelf rides a man. Night. Everyone is asleep. Suddenly the peasant sees that shit falls right past the top shelf from the top shelf. The man jumps up, pushes the passenger on the top shelf:
- Comrade! Comrade! Wake up, you crap!
- And I do not sleep ...
- Bond, James Bond.
- My brother, a nurse.
Finally, a new yogurt came out! Especially good came out pieces of fruit!
- Heard, Vasya drank the right Bochkarev after the bath - and how he was born again!
- What, there was no hangover?
- No - crawling, writing, talking could not ....
For the filming of the TV project "DOM-3" decided to invite Moldovans.
They spit on love and built a whole block in a month.
"How can I tell if it's Friday?"
"If I drink beer in the evening, then it's exactly Friday." Sometimes it's up to seven Fridays a week.
Traffic policeman - the driver.
- You are welcome.
- What for?
"You like it!"
Announcement: "Urgently I will buy glasses in any frame with dioptries-9. Stand near the metro Sokolniki and waving my hands."
How to say in one word in English: "Wife and mother-in-law went to the country, and took their children with them?" - YEs !!!
In Moscow strip clubs there is no one to speak. Session.
-Third day I do not want to work. What would that mean? ..
-Today is Wednesday!
Sit Yesenin, Sasha Bely and Mayakovsky in front of the bottle, let's say cognac.
Decide that whoever composes what rhyme, he drinks so much.
Yesenin: "The fish floats on the bottom I'll drink a glass one!"
He pours a glass and drinks.
White: "Fish float on the bottom I drink two glasses!"
He pours himself a couple of glasses and drinks. Mayakovsky looked around at everyone, and:
"You guys are good fellows!
The rest I'll drink! "
I ate the oil "President", but the president did not.
I smoked a pack of cigarettes "Attache", but the attache from me did not work.
And only when I drank the beer "Kozel", I felt that I was beginning to act ..
The naked woman looks exactly as much as it is visible.
Two lawyers come to a cafe, order drinks and get sandwiches.
"I'm sorry," says the barman, "but we can not eat our own food."
Lawyers look at each other, shrug their shoulders and change their sandwiches ...
Two traffic cops notice a car racing, well, at a very high speed.
One of them goes to the middle of the road and gives a stop sign. The wheelbarrow knocks it down and meters through 100 stops.
Another traffic cop approaches the driver and asks:
"How are we with the documents?"
"The same as with brakes," the driver answers.
That people did not throw out the new CD of Dima Bilan immediately after listening, he posted on it the schedule of electric trains, a ruler and a calendar for 2005 ...
"I found a coin yesterday in bed." It's nice - someone wants to return!
Girlfriends share the news:
- Oh, and Irina was so lucky: she and her husband went on vacation in Hawaii!
- And Marina was even more fortunate: she was there without her husband!
The inscription on the "Gazelle":
"For sale" Hazel "in 1995. The route did not go."
"Dear radio listeners, today we are summarizing the results of our quiz.
First on the question "Where do the women have the most curly hair?" answered the fourth-grader Vasya Ivanov. Correctly, Vasya - in the Congo! "After a while the letter comes to the editor:" Dear editorial staff! Thank you for your cognitive programs. Now I know where my wife has a congo. "
The programmer is asked:
- How many children?
- Two sons.
- For how many years?
After a pause: - One on the computer is already playing, but the second is not ...
A female doctor can not fall asleep - her conscience and reason are arguing. Covest: "You can not sleep after having changed your husband!" Mind: "It depends on what! If the husband is always for sex, he does not have enough time for sex - then the saint will change." Correctly, what changed ... "" conscience: "Treason change betray! with a patient - a violation of medical ethics! " Reason: "Yes, but remember Ivanov from the 25th polyclinic." She regularly has sex with patients-everyone is happy, all is well. " Conscience is silent. The woman falls into a dream ... And suddenly - conscience acrid whisper: "Yes, but Ivanova is not a vet!"
"Doctor, I'm losing my hair!" Sho, do I save them?
- Oh, it's just that simple! Put them in a box!
Go to the wheelbarrow 5 torchkov.
They stop at the traffic light, I wait, the traffic light is on. Red, yellow, green, red, yellow, green and so several times ... One torchek asks the driver:
- Sergei, and you're not going?
- (drove clinging to the steering wheel) I do not have time !!!!!
A man makes a hole for the curtain. A puncher. Noise, rumble, dust ...
The mother-in-law comes into the room and asks:
- What, son, curtain hang? The man turns:
- Well, you blaspheme, old! The baby is asleep !!
Four in the morning. The policeman sleeps at home with his wife, suddenly in a dream begins to scream convulsively: - Fur! Furah! Wife (soothing): - Empty it, empty ...
An amphibious airplane is flying, an officer comes to the paratroopers and says: "Guys are flying to Afghanistan," the guys gloomily, but the officer continues: "For the head of every killed dushman, we will pay a bonus of $ 1000." The plane goes into the landing, the paratroopers in the loose, the officer alone does not have time to open his mouth, after 30 minutes the paratroopers return, dragging huge bundles of heads behind them. The officer, almost fainting, says: "Guys, we sat in Tashkent for refueling" ...
There is a socialist revolution in the African country. Cuba:
- Comrades, we support you! We send 50 000 thousand tons of oranges in wooden boxes, you will make of them for AKM!
"Thank you, comrades!"
"Comrades, we support your revolution!" We send 100 000 thousand tons of tomatoes in metal boxes, make them cartridges for AKM!
- Thank you comrades for your help!
"Comrades, we support your revolution!" We send you 1000 eggs! - ?????, and what kind of packaging?
- As always - the Blue Beret and Kierz boots!
After a visit to Urkain, an American is asked:
- What did you like about Ukraine?
- All! Both the country and the people, I'm delighted.
- What did not you like?
- Ham - too salty and completely without meat.
"Honey, whisper to me three words, from which I will be in the ninth heaven!"
- Rope in the closet!
The traffic cop turns out on the road in the morning, his head breaks up after yesterday. Looks - the jeep is rushing. Well, he stopped him in order to raise funds for a drunkenness. He looks, and there's a bum sitting there. I checked the documents - it's true, it's a homeless machine. Well, he asks him:
- You're a bum. Where did you get such a cool car?
- And the drunk new Russians offered me, if I make them laugh - my jeep. Well, I made them laugh.
- But as?
- Yes, I lashed a bald man on his head, he immediately grew his hair, so I died.
He takes off his hat, there's a bald head. He says:
- And you can shit me so?
- I can.
The homeless man looks at the bald spot on his bald head, and laughs and screams from the bushes:
- No, well, finally, I'll give him a hut too.
- Hello! The technical department ?! I type the password - but they do not let me!
- So, it is necessary to type correctly.
- I'm typing correctly! Five stars!
Moyshe is a father, a merchant.
Abram is a son, he just turned 18 years old.
Sarah is the mother, Moishe's wife.
The first working day of Abram in his father's shop. About 15 hours call by phone Sara:
- Moyshe, as the son is coping, will anything come out of him?
"He will be a merchant, but he will still be taught and taught."
"Why does not he do something like that?"
- When the return returns - crying!
- Looking at how my mother tries on a new fur coat from natural fur, - Vovochka remarked:
"Mom, do you understand that this coat is the result of the terrible suffering of a poor, unfortunate animal?"
Mom looked at Vovochka sternly and replied:
"How can you say that about your own father?"
"I remember that when I was young I used to drink a bucket of beer, but now I can only eat half a bucket ..."
- What, the health is very weak?
- No, the muzzle is not going beyond the middle!
Do you know why at a Jewish wedding the bridegroom can not kiss the bride according to custom?
Because next to the groom his mother sits and keeps repeating:
The man is on the bus:
-Girl, knock the ticket,
-And the magic word?
The man is uncertain:
- Cribble, crab, boom?
Doorbell. A man opens and sees a small death with a scythe ...
- Ah, I know, I know ... You came for my canary?
- No, man. I'm impotence!
"Hello, dear, do you like more bananas or peaches?"
"Are you in the market?"
- No, in the pharmacy.
On the radio in the program on the requests of listeners the man is calling: - I am on a business trip. I want to send greetings to my wife, mother-in-law, father-in-law, three children and ask them to put the song of the group "Kipelov" "I'm free" for them!
Reply to the YNN, to the question: "How to feed a wounded woodpecker?": - Woodpeckers should be taken by the tail and beaked against the tree.
Georgian, a former musician who played the flute, tells about his life: - I remember playing for the African king, he liked ocens and he showed us golden maneth as an owl in the instrument. The balm drum is a 2000 manet. Vialanchal Vlaz 1000 manet. In this blt @ dskom instrumentum neither adyn manet ne veaz! - I remember playing for the Nemetsky king, he liked the ocens and he valued us for the marks of how many vetas in the instrument. The bald drum is 3000 marks. Vialanchal vlase 2000 marks. In this blt @ dsk tool neither Adyn brand ne vez. - Played for the Russian king, he did not like the ochen and he drove us to everyone with his ass tool in the ass. Balshoy drum in the ass ne vez. Violalchel in the ass.
- Kolobok was wounded! He lost a lot of dough! - The baker !! Is there a baker?
According to the conditions of the royalty show, each participant could take only one thing to the island with him. Vanya took the book; Petya a tape recorder, Vasya took a computer, and Vovochka took a rubber woman ............ And a month later he had a book and a magnetophone ... and .....
- Do you need an artist? - What kind of genre do you work in? - In the genre of easel painting. - Excellent, we take! You will have our machines painted.
The couple discuss the latest film premiere. - Darling, I do not understand that everyone found in this Angelina Jolie. Well, what happens if you drop her pretty face, sensual lips, billowing chest, precise figure, cat's grace? - You.
The last words of the second pilot (from the decoding of the "black box" crashed plane): - Vasya, yes I joked that she was sleeping with me!
News from the zoo: Dana Borisova half an hour argued with the kangaroo, proving to her that such handbags are no longer worn.
The riddle: the most harmful offensive, the back is black, the belly is white, the paws are in manure. Answer: summer resident.
The mother of three children was hospitalized. My husband stayed on the au pair. In the morning I got up, shaved, cooked breakfast, woke up the children, washed, dressed, brushed, fed, two took me to school, the third to the kindergarten. I went to the factory, worked till lunch at the lathe, at lunch I ran to the wholesale, licked in the queues, bought, brought to work, did not have time to grab a bite - got up behind the machine, plowed until the end of the shift. He ran to the shops, jumped into the garden, took them, stayed at the parents' meeting, dragged everything and everyone home, cooked dinner, fed the children, washed, patted, washed the dishes, checked the lessons of the elders, read the youngest for the night, laid all the sleep. Standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror, winds the curlers and thinks: "Is it possible that they will still be fucked ?!"
Call the travel agency. - Do you sell Egypt? .. - Yes, of course we sell ... - Tell me, what kind of resorts are there? - Sharm el-Sheikh, Hurghada, Taba, Nuweiba ... - In, stop, Nuweiba, just Nuweiba is right for me! "When are you going to go?" - And no, we solve the crossword, thank you, Nuweiba is coming.
There is a lecture at the institute on OBZH. Professor of the audience: - You are a construction superintendent at a construction site. On your eyes, the worker falls from the scaffolding and is killed to death. Your first steps? Students: - Call an ambulance! "Call the police!" - Tell your relatives! etc. Professor: - Put a helmet and safety belt on the corpse, otherwise the police will come for you.
Ivanushka the fool gathered to marry Vasilisa the Beautiful. It's well-known, Snake Gorynych here as here: - You, says Ivanushka, before the wedding, then the bathhouse is flooded. Yes, my bride and groom for me and spydav. Ivanushka was curdled, but there's nothing to be done: he is going to heat the bathhouse. To meet three heroes: - What, -mil, - sadness-melancholy? Ivanushka turned to his fate. Bogatyri him: - You, Ivanushka, do not twist - instead of Vasilisa you take us to the bathhouse, and there will be our care. And they did. Ivanushka was burying himself beside the bathhouse, looking, Gorynych climbed into the bathhouse. An hour passed, two, three hours - silence. Lost patience Ivanushka, ran into the bathhouse and sees such a picture. Ilya Muromets holds one head of the Serpent under the right armpit, the other under the left one, the third one between the knees clamped, Dobrynya Nikitich the Snake behind it "makes out". Alyosha Popovich stands in front of the Serpent, leans his cheek with his palm and says, shaking his head: "You silly little fool!" If you had one head and three assholes, you would have been sitting at home for a long time! - Daughter, did you eat all the pelmeni ?? - Yes, Daddy. - Well done, BITCH - ALL IN MOM !!! "Grass is not a drug." you hear the grass, you're not a drug .. - Yes, I hear-I hear, I'm not a drug .. Two friends sit in the courtyard behind a mug of beer. One, pointing at the boy passing by, says: "And this is my Vaska from his first marriage." Then, nodding his head at the girlys running past: - And this is Tanka and Manka from the second and third marriages. - And what are you, three times married? - Well no! I'm talking about condom marriages !!
- And why do you always say shish kebab - mashlik? - A patamuchta we have such cultures - a multiculture! News: The son calls his mother to work: Mom tell me how to write a brazgaler? Mom you are a son, why do you need this? Yes, we were asked to tell who the mother is working with. Son, I'm an accountant. The boy is 8 years old. The blonde is going to Altai. "I gotta take the thong ... so what?" Ah, the thong! And yet? Oh, just like a thong !!! Mother: Daughter, well, at least you took a tent. B: Mom, there are thongs - there will be a tent and a sleeping bag, and everything will be ... German scientists have created an anti-virus for quiet and thoughtful viewing of porn films. On the medical examination board before the surgery, sitting on the table, it is worth - at the seams - a naked peep. There all the pupils are naked. Hyppig records it in a string, glances at the pirate, sits on the couch, and says: - What, is he already married? The pirate looks at himself in the middle of the room and speaks, blushing: - And what? So noticeable? - Hy, ring on the finger ...
Two brothers decided to go fishing, they bought a jeep, tackle, scooter for this business, they packed up with booze, food. By the end of the week of drinking, they caught a small fry. One of them thought and said: "Estimate Kolyan, this fish cost us a hundred bucks ..." Kolyan also thought and said: "It's good that we caught only one ..."
The girl whispers, giving herself in the back seat of the 600th Mersey: - I do not care about this luxury! I do not care about that money! I do not care about this car! I do not care if you're rich, but I'm from Uryupinsk! The man puffed: - And I do not care! I am a driver!
The US Air Force left Uzbekistan ahead of schedule, accelerated by the Topol-M rocket that flew ...
The mother tells her daughter before the wedding: - Never need to open up completely before her husband. Understand, in a woman there must be a mystery, a mystery, some secret ... - For example? - Well, for example, never completely get naked in front of him, though something at least a little bit, but will be hidden. This man is flaunting. After some time after the wedding, the mother-in-law calls the mother-in-law: - Look, Mom, did you have a normal life in your family with your psyche? - Yes, why? - Nothing, of course, only your daughter has been in bed for a week now ...
"Hello, Bush!" - Hey, Nuts! - And where is the BRAIN?
Advice to the groom: you want to find out how your future wife will find out in 20-30 years - look at her mother. Advice to the bride: you want to know how harmful your future husband will be in 20-30 years - look at his Mom!
It is known that the flu treatment, do not treat, it passes in 7 days itself. Everyone knows the popular drug for "preventing" influenza - "ANAFERON". Try to replace the name of the medicine with the letter "f" with the letter "x"! (and add "?") A radical way to combat bribes among traffic cops (or as they are now called there) - it is necessary to make a form for them without Pockets.
In the Georgian kindergarten. Educator: -Deti, well, yehte! Children: -Neeeeth Teacher: -Three, well, for my mother -Neeeat -Now then for dad -Neety -Well then for the beautiful Russian women -You, cham-cham-cham-cham ...
The teacher enters the classroom. - Children, in a teacher's room, a copier broke down, that's why we are writing a dictation. From the red line: Invoice-tuuuraa ..
The cows were brought to the meat-packing plant, one turning to the other: "Is this your first time?" The second: - No b .. I! Second.
Waiting for the wife, when the furniture will bring. The doorbell rings, it opens, the loader stands with some piece of furniture. She told him: Who are you? He: Loader. She unzips his pants and makes a blowjob. The loader is stunned, but is pleased to return to the car and tells about what happened to another stevedore, he grabs the next piece of furniture and runs to the woman. Everything repeats ... She: Who are you? Loader2: Loader! She unzips his pants and makes a blowjob. Loader2 returns to the car for a trace of a piece of furniture and tells all the chauffeur of the truck in which they carry the furniture. He says: "Now I will go!" He rises, rings the door, the woman opens, says: Who are you? He: the driver! She gives him the money for shipping and already wants to close the door, as he nervously screams: How come! A blowjob ?? She replies: "No!" The husband said: Money - the driver, the loader - SUCK!
The banker died. The notary reads the will: "... and Ivanov, whom I promised not to forget when drafting the will, I give my heartfelt greetings ..."
Latvia turned to Russia with a desire to review the results of the Second World War. Russia: - And let's re-tell you!
After meeting with her husband, who is serving time, the wife came to the head of the prison and asked her to give her husband a lighter work. "We have not yet broken through on the glue of paper bags," they reply. - Yes, but he says that even at night some tunnel is digging ...
The prisoner complains to the overseer: "It's just disgraceful!" We are fed worse than ever! Now, watch what I found today in the bread: file!
Chairman of the Commission for the Verification of the City Prison: - The first time I see that prisoners were happy with the pyubyvanym in prison! - And this is because we organize for them a variety of activities. - And which one is the most popular? - Open Day.
Chukchi received a new apartment and shows guests. The first room: "Here I have tundra." The second room: "Here I have tundra." Kitchen: "Here I have tundra." Toilet: "Here is my plague." He is asked: "And where are you going to the toilet?" "To the tundra!"
I got a Chukchi apartment and bragged to my friends: - The apartment is good, only a strange washbasin: I press the handle, water starts to pour; I still have time to wash my hands, but I do not have to clean my teeth.
Once Chukchi came to the store:
"However, how much does this accordion cost?"
- We do not sell Chukchi accordions.
Chukchi went, changed into a hood.
- Skilki budey harmonica worth it?
- We do not sell Chukchi accordions.
I went and changed into a Georgian.
"Pa-what about this accordion?"
- We do not sell Chukchi accordions.
- And how do you know each time that I'm a Chukchi?
- But only the Chukchi can call the accordion a battery of steam heating.
A man is sitting, a jamb is hammered. A cow approaches him:
- What are you, man, doing? At home, children are not fed, the work is worth, but you know what you are doing!
The peasant thought, threw up the grass, the joint. Goes home and sees: another
the man is clogging. Our man to him:
"What are you doing?" At home, children are not fed ....
Throw can not!
"Did the cow say that to you?"
- Yes .
- So she drives !!!
The drug addicts agreed to hold a party at one of them, promised to bring and smear, and shirnutsya. Only they agreed that before they came, no one would take anything. And now, sitting alone, waiting for friends. He waits an hour, waits for two. Tired of waiting for him, and he also had something. He did not wait to receive them, but to not forget what to say, when friends come and call at the door, write it on paper. He wrote it, hung it on the door, smoothed it, threw back its wheels, and opened it. He sits, he's kicks. A bell at the door, the addict approaches the door and reads: "Who's there?" From behind the door the answer comes: - It's us, comma, your friends !!!
The teacher asks Vovochka if he knows Tsiolkovsky, Kulibin, Popov? "Do you know Gray, Zubaty and Kunya?" "I do not know," the stunned teacher answers. - Well, there's nothing to scare me with my gang.