29 the first time in a man's life

Even the nice things after a few repetitions become boring, remembered only the first few times. The first car ...

... The first woman, the first hangover. They are placed on your life as milestones. To you it was easier to navigate in your memories, we spread out on the timeline typical male first times. Years can write your own.

The first birth

Man sitting and nobody touched. It was warm and cozy. And suddenly - bang, bang! - Light at the end of the tunnel, you somewhere to push, pull, Thank you, if you do not forceps. Instead of "hello" - kick ass. There are so accepted, welcome to the brave new world! The Adventure Begins. Unpleasant experience, we do not like for him to remember, so do not remember anything.

first team

This is a children's garden with its cruel laws of the pack. Comprehend here for the first time, they will remain the same in any subsequent collective - in school, in the army, at work, in a nursing home. There is a hierarchy, and there is your place in it. To survive and succeed with women, you must be either a strong or smart or able to skillfully tie shoelaces.

First fight

Mandatory program for men. Good words to be able to resolve the conflict, especially if you know what you have in stock is the argument, like a blow on the ear. An interesting discovery after a good fight begin to feel sympathy for the opponent. Be prepared that it will become your best friend. Unless, of course, you will not be sent to the colony for minors.

first orgasm

What was it? Where did these strange substance in the laundry? You've got to understand, very carefully to understand. In general, the more positive feelings. And now, at three o'clock in the morning, it's time to wash the sheets. At the time of this sacramental hygienic rush the boy becomes a young man and is included in the global pursuit of the orgasm. It's better than cartoons, soldiers and ice cream together. The purpose of life for the next fifty years determined.

The first shave

Lad peculiar paranoid question: do I become a man? Do genetic glitch happen? Suddenly, I have something to grow, and I will turn not into a man and a woman or a platypus? And then - bang! Hooray! - The long-awaited fuzz on his cheeks. Do you still do not hang in front of the mirror for so long as during this first shave. The next three to four times more will be events on the ritual begins. From now on you - producers object of hunting tools for shaving.

First love

Girl with pigtails in a plaid dress. You like her, which is odd. From her no good, it can not be eaten, it can not play, you did not even talk to her. But you still nice when she's around, I want to do something, so she drew attention to you. For example, to knock her teeth. Rejoice your ignorance, soon you will know only too well, what the boy needs a girl. So good that even boring.

The first woman

In theory, you know all about sex. Waiting practice was the background of the last three or four years of life. You even pretended no longer a virgin, twisted his lips into a cynical smile when experienced friends discussing their sexual life - they say that's what we were. And he was jealous, but admit this unpleasant. In general the burden of virginity was harder than all the exams and study load. And so it happened. Yes, it lasted about ten seconds, yes, you did not have time to understand anything, but is it important? In my heart day and night bursting fireworks, jubilant hormones. I am a man! I am a man! Welcome to great sex. This form of breast and these spirits will always remain your fetishes.

The first intoxication, the first hangover

And along with them, and understanding of the law of compensation - better than today, the worse it will be tomorrow. For all the fun, it turns out you have to pay. Health, remorse or is it bang in the head. Do not tell yourself "never again" in a minute hangover of any kind. Deal with your feelings, when you come back to normal, and will never drink wine after vodka. Especially such a wine and vodka after this. And yet I wonder how much we drank last night? ..

The first erectile dysfunction

Hey, down there! Are you gone crazy up there? That's the same in the presence of all the ingredients - a naked woman ... Actually, what other ingredients you need? Why strike? Surprise from the first failure is even greater disappointment. It was as if a hand fork or refused to take the brain forgot how much will three times six. It is only then you will realize that you can be alarmed or just tired. And now you're in a panic and depression. I'm not a man! Let you in this classic embarrassment, that all men are experiencing earlier than expected, but years later, remembered with affection.

The first car, the first accident

For the first time opening the driver's door killed (perhaps even stillborn) six, you feel immensely inhumanly cool. You sit down slowly, managing to show off in front of all passers-by. Until now, your property could be taken in hand, or, at least, to move to another room. But the subject does not fit in any bag or even in an apartment, and yet it's yours! Somewhere up your car mileage 10,000 sounds like a lot, you're afraid to catch the house on the opposite sides of the street at the same time. Then you begin to easily squeeze into the alleys, arches. The car is getting smaller, and after 10 000 km comes the confidence that touch anything machine is basically impossible. Then it happens. Strange, because between the trolleybus and the concrete mixer was clearly visible lumen. How uncool stand on the avenue next to the crumpled immovable piece of iron!

First job

At first it seems a game, and you giggle to myself: Is this uncle in the suit seriously instructed you to take a folder with papers on the other side of town? But the uncle on the other side of town, too, keeps a straight face - it looks like they conspired. The first few times the work will still be playing, then turn into a curse. There are only two ways out: to remind ourselves that all this is for fun, or to find a favorite thing. However, a favorite thing to have everyone - who market manipulation, one archery. The first was more fortunate than the second, it would be two thousand years ago, on the contrary.

First marriage

Is this the girl with pigtails? After all, you want to not only have sex with her, but also constantly to please her. For the egoist with the experience of a new and pleasant sensation. You've given everything you've had (and it was, I must admit, not so much). You thought that she would be delighted if you arrange the wedding. Yes please, we do not mind! Take away my freedom, I still do not use it. If you're lucky, you'll never know that you start to appreciate freedom when it is not, and you will live happily in marriage until death or the housing problem not be separated you.

first child

It is inconceivable, where did this creature in the belly of your wife. Also, it is unclear how it was placed there at all. However, from the philosophical questions very effectively divert three-hour trip, and rocking the baby at seven o'clock in the dairy kitchen. You will experience some strong emotions. Wonder Why, what is small! However, even on the fingers puppet legs are real nails, but with the size of the letter "o". The fear: what is it helpless! Let him lie, it will die of hunger and cold, can not get rid of a fly, and order a pizza. Responsibility: The end of the old life. Now you belong not only to itself, the decision to leave for a year in Thailand or dispute to climb onto the roof through the pipe are no longer so easy. Do not worry, in three years the child will find a great mate nedoigrannym childhood games.

The first signs of baldness

The most vile, that baldness can not be caught by the hand. It occurs so gradually that you feel quietly mad. It seems here used to grow hair! Or did not grow? Or is it just a strange shape forehead? If you could look in the mirror only once a year, the diagnosis would have been easier. Although it is not very clear what to do after the diagnosis. Simply pretend that hair, nothing happens, and when the old scar on the back of the head will move to the forehead, hair cut very short. Forget to accept and continue avidly read the news about the cloning of parts for humans.

The first divorce

Even I wonder how you managed to - not chayat each other soul, ten years to adapt to each other, watch the same movies, read the same books, and sometimes even have sex and eventually grow into two completely different people. Oh, and this woman I lived! For a long time it was time to do it, you think, getting in an elevator with champagne and laughing the next victim of your postrazvodnogo sex spree. What have I done, do you think, in disgust picking another burnt eggs in their squalid kitchen promptly removed odnushki. This is all my fault! It's all my fault! Son, I will definitely come Sunday ... Honey, tell me, who is Uncle Borya and why they buy our baby videos? You do not have enough money? Can you imagine, me too! I will take away from their living fishing rods, tent, backpack and winter tires, when I will be where to put them.

The first sex with a woman half his age

You still only 34, she is already 17. This means that, when she was born, you were just as much as it is now. The main thing is not too much to ponder in this chronological curiosity, otherwise your quivering libido can feel like a pensioner and passively sit down with a newspaper on a bench. The first time you wonder the gap between male and female nature. Being, not knowing life, happy child with a bust makes you feel stupid and inexperienced. Congenital female wisdom work even in such a misalliance. Before, you did not understand women simply because they are women, you are now starting to share the difference generations. You first feel that your tastes give mothballs. That, however, does not stop to enjoy the situation.

The first gray hairs

This albino traitor, who grew up among your let thinning, but the hair of young soul, it means only one thing: you have finally reached middle age. Secretly hope that it is you stay forever young, do not seem to come true. At first, you hate to pull out the white hairs, then - just for fun - buy paint for gray hair and hide it so far away from prying eyes, in his youth did not hide a page from a treasured pornozhurnala, traded on the flashlight with a compass. But twenty years ago, you saw gray hair impressive and envied his friend who accidentally bleached bangs, knocking over a bottle of liquid nitrogen ...

The first house

You pulled to the ground. Come to mind the terrible thought: Do not plant any plant, if not take handiwork leisure. In general, a person should be your home. Yes, that's enough to storm the fortress of others, it's time to build your own. It will be home to a capital letter. Those which can come after the battle for rest and feasting. Not at night disco is not in a bar with a pool table, and in his house. Am I getting old? No! The new building will be 200-watt speakers and a billiard room in the attic.

first million

You have often dreamed of, what would you spend it if you had it. And here he is, crept unnoticed. And such was given the works that spend it as you do not want. In addition, a million was not a suitcase with dollars, but the thing is much more speculative - stocks, real estate. Go and gather it in a suitcase - the business will collapse immediately. "Well it is, to be a millionaire?" - Asks you to your internal correspondent of the magazine "Forbes". "Troublesome" - answer you. And the funny thing is that a million is clearly not enough - one insurance leaves your annual budget of 20 years ago. And there is no one to complain to, at the top, including in the financial, always alone.

The first yacht

Big money require physical evidence of its presence. The car, a house, a second car ... What else? It is unlikely that you have the courage not to buy at least one boat, being able to buy an aircraft carrier. In the next couple of years, you again have something to strive for - to furnish cabins carved furniture, conduct Internet, learn to smoke a pipe, to find that your yacht is not the coolest in the Adriatic, more to buy a yacht, parquet order for the helipad. It is a pity that you are swayed, and it would be possible sometimes to enjoy boating, not to move from port to port by land by car.

The first sex with a woman three times younger

you would not even look With sound meditation at her thirty years ago. Then they were all about the same age - the same as you - and the choice was based on the location of female candidates on the scale of "beautiful - ugly." Becoming an elderly, you disgust understand what it means to the cult of youth. More and more effort is spent on trying to stop time, to stay full of people in society. And now, the main advantage is the partner of her youth. Her skin young, smooth face. We assume that it is not interested in your money. In adulthood can forgive men their little weaknesses.

The first Nobel Prize

It is wrong to worry about your age. But now they all understand and regret. Your first wife, do not just genius. Your second wife that dropped genius. Your third wife, until now still not learned to fry potatoes for the genius of his mother for the recipe. How this shakes suit! Since I still bought it, he will have to compete for the award in the following year. Stockholm, tribune, microphone, it is necessary to say something. "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you, it is better late than never! I always respected all Swedish - Swedish Match and Swedish family! Hail to IKEA and ABBA! "

The first grandchild

Where hassle, lack of sleep and fleet crowded diapers? Figushki, albeit a headache from your ungrateful children. Now you can enjoy the pleasant side only communicate with the baby. Okay, Okay, and who have a naughty, who popped the stud in the socket ... What? Writing on his grandfather ?! So, take it from me here. I'll come in the evening to wish the child good night. It is desirable that to my arrival it was dry and cheerful. Do not forget to rehearse the phrase "Dear Grandpa, we love you very much!".

The first island

First hurricane and flood seem touching attraction. Then begin to irritate, especially when accompanied by the bites of scorpions electricity disappearance. A year later, you begin to guess why this island is worth so cheap. After two you start with interest the study of island real estate directories - just so you do not wonder for how much you can sell your island. After three years, you are ready to give a piece of paradise at half price. Five gave it for next to nothing, and your real estate agent opens your eyes: only suckers buy the island in the Pacific Ocean. But in the Atlantic - is another matter ... By the way, there is an interesting offer ...

The first book of memoirs

Somerset Maugham wrote a book of memoirs "To sum up" when he was 60. After that, he lived another 30 years. When you're 60, it seems that the earth's path is passed, a man should retire and take inventory lived. You will find that it is very nice - remember his life in detail, especially having to hand-hack journalist who writes a lot of money and embellishes your adventures. Almost as nice as at the reception of the psychoanalyst - it is about the same, but after the analyst is left with the letters pages.

First an overdose of Viagra

Dizziness, blurred vision, stuffy nose. What is it - the spring and first love? No, it means that it was necessary to take 50 mg of Viagra, as the doctor ordered, and not 200 as ordered him heart. Of course, I want to show off, of course, want to divert from the gloomy thoughts that a young 43-year-old partner of the regional teams of social security pensioners. She had gone to help you fill out forms for electricity and gas. You just wanted to amuse her ... However, all necessary measure. With a dose of alcohol you decided fifty years ago, with Viagra are all about the same - the last tablet is usually unnecessary.

The first set of false teeth

Finally, you can safely clean your teeth as the doctor advises, - from roots to ends, paying enough attention to both external and internal surfaces of the teeth. You do not experience problems with reach hard to reach places - welcome to the world of "ordinary" brush! You no longer have to build a scary faces, wielding dental floss in the interdental spaces, you do all the manipulation, carefree smiling toothless gums perfectly clean. Yes, you are no longer ashamed of their smile, even at night it is with you, floats in the cup on the nightstand. And how is it you had not guessed as to simplify your life!

The first testament

In old age, you begin to think badly about people. For simple human gusts your fancy greed and mockery. Why granddaughters are now examines the wallpaper? Probably already planning redevelopment, after I'll die. It's disgusting, of course, but an innate intelligence (congenital or harm) makes you think about things such as his will. But after the second or third draft, you possessed April Fools excitement. It is necessary to present surprises to people, even if you can not be their witness. Итак: находясь в здравом уме и твердой памяти, все мое движимое и недвижимое имущество я завещаю Самарскому отделению фан-клуба Depeche Mode !

Первая криозаморозка

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