My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories
Oligarch need to buy is not English, and Italian club!
After all, how beautiful it sounds:
"The red shirts football Roma!".
- Honey, it so tight?
- I folded it in half!
- Why do you have such long fingers? You probably have to play the piano?
- No, I am massaging the prostate.
Courtroom.
Judge:
- Well, the defendant - as the saying goes, you claimant ...
- A Klava possible?
- She moved!
- Who ?!
"Even if you are a little over thirty-th, it is hoped to marry a prince-amuzh ..." - singing Camilla Parker Bowles, trying on a wedding dress ...
Hooray! I was finally awarded the Order!
Maybe I do not deserve this award, but because of sciatica and osteoarthritis I do not deserve it, but I have ...
Feast. Noisy, fun.
Suddenly something falls.
- The saucer fell.
- So someone else will welcome us.
- Country: either a woman, or a man ...
- Uncle Arkady comes, - Little Johnny says. - He's fag!
From life.
The company wants to register an email address with all the bells and whistles.
They call the appropriate office:
- We would like to take the name of the record: Latin - Es, E, E, A, Es, point pv.
They are looking to record on paper and realize that something is wrong.
- Once again, Selas dot ru? So?
Customers:
- Yes Yes.
- It turns out - "Selas.Ru". See, it's not a very good name, if you say it quickly without a point, it sounds bad, it would be better to come up with a different name, or if that is not possible, then in another register area.
Customers:
- Okay, let's get into the zone SU.
Taxi rides. On the back seat of a woman makes a man a blowjob. The driver looks in the rearview mirror and said:
- Immediately stop this outrage!
A man blissfully:
- You go, go - I'll pay you ...
Taxi driver:
- I do not need your money. Stop this mess!
Man:
- One, you do not need money, will be as follows.
Taxi driver:
- What? To me in his car in his mouth took? !!
Friendly joke may be considered failed if it turned into a scuffle.
Why do Orthodox and Catholics cross themselves differently?
As usual - encoding is not the same.
We earn their labor. We buy only beer, we will not overpay for packaging!
Death - is a condition in which some patients fall in order to humiliate their physician.
Policeman on the road is like a bow on a limb - looks good, but why such a luxury?
What is bad in Russia - so it fools and roads ...
But what is good - so it fools and tracks!
If the traffic light woman came up, the colors he would be as follows:
in red shirt with white polka dots, yellow stripes in a diagonal black and green with gold sparkles.
Someday Russia wins all his troubles, and then there will not be any fools, no roads.
We have the same rights! Podpravniki different ...
If well poraskinut brains, you can lose them.
Features Fashion 2006: Going out into the street, she wears earrings in the color of her panties.
Corporate spirit - is the youngest of the staff, which erases socks heads of departments and directors of counting the days to retirement.
- Alex, I just called them ugly!
- Damn, too late!
- Why trample my love?
- And it is not necessary to throw! How many times have said blew, he turned, put in the closet!
- After what movie you want to kill herself?
- Yes, after any porn!
From life.
Going on a business trip we were yesterday, I and my driver.
We drive to the railway crossing.
The barrier is lowered slowly ... and closed right in front of our noses.
We Stand. It takes ten minutes ... the train no.
Suddenly the gate opened up and served. We look at each other.
- Stealth - the driver says.
On the Estonian customs. The customs officer:
- Chaaay? No. Koofffe? No. Kakkava? Oh, yes, kakkava! Kakkava goal vasheggo vizitta?
Spring Call.
The best spring appeal are invitingly outstretched legs of a woman.
My daughter comes home late at night and my mother said:
- Today, I and my boyfriend for the first time in his life had sex!
- Well, then you're in for the first time - mother says - it is clear ... But how do you know that your boyfriend is doing this for the first time !!?
- Because it had been in tsellofanchike!
- Julia Vladmirovna why you refused to go to Moscow?
- I decided to start planting. And in Moscow, you can stay up to col tion ... As Khodorkovsky!
The creators of "Night Watch"! Yes, you first. Yes, you may say - but you have not looked at the 3 and 8.5 million people.
Chairman of the Russian League video pirates.
The study comes to the gynecologist girl.
A doctor in a good mood:
- Girl! What you're pretty - all so fair, blouse you have fair, little white pants, handbag and shoes little white!
Girl (happily):
- Yes, the doctor - and I still have a thrush!
- Okay, okay ... I take it back ... Unfusk uou!
- Few people know that after the flight of Belka and Strelka in space Yuri Gagarin went for a long time and Korolev said: "Commander, but I'm better than a dog."
- Oh, doctor, you have such a light hand!
- This is not a hand - a little embarrassed, the doctor said.
Bob comes home at four o'clock in the morning drunk three sheets with his friend Vanya.
Vasey's wife opens the door and says:
- Bob, you're in as you come home, and even in such a state? All you
punished: a month without sex ... And you, Vanya, too ...
- Girl! And you can get to know you?
- Let's just hurry! I have 20 minutes a new challenge!
The rush in the registry office bride and groom who are late for half an hour. They both smile from ear to ear.
Witness the groom's ear:
- The old man, well, where do you go? Still waiting for you. And why are you so radiant?
- Look, she told me a blow job is now done! Best blowjob of my life!
At the same time the witness asks the bride:
- Where have you been? And then, I understand that you're happy to get married - but h ... To so shine
- Oh, you understand - I did the last blowjob of his life!
- Dear comrades! You listen to broadcast "For those who would like to learn, but feel free to ask." And now by phone 333-33-33 ask your stupid questions!
- You did not send five blocks from wrappers "Maggi" ?! So send quickly, and then we have not wrapped in anything ...
On the path leading to the highway, there is a girl with a poster in his hands:
"LAST CHANCE TO Motorway".
- In my opinion, I began to walk in a dream ...
- Why do you think so?
- I woke up today in her bed!
Due to the fact that the winner of Eurovision 2004 Ukrainian singer Ruslana performed in some of the songs of the word "gay DANA DANA GAY", the Ministry of Culture of Israel explains that Dana - not gay, Dana - a transsexual.
- Do you have an ideal woman?
- I Was ...
- Why "was"? He died?
- Worse - I married him ...
A man asks another:
- Why are you so sad?
- Yes, that was my mistress used to cool a drink loved, used to like get drunk - this made me a blowjob, just fly away ... But then was determined to quit drinking ...
- So what?!
- Since then, does not drink and does not take into your mouth ...
- When did you get married?
- In April.
- And when the child was born?
- In July.
- Well, well, interesting!
- Doctor, you are a doctor or a mathematician?
Women are very funny!
Some of them go to a lifetime of 15-centimeter heels and ass ebutstsa not because it hurt ...
From life.
Maritime Customs. Situation: early morning, the port was asleep, sleep managers, sleep ships in the roads, sleeping with one eye open customs. And suddenly the idyll violates a voice on the radio (a radio station at all the services configured on the same wave.): "Radio 8 (Manager), radio 8, answer" Goose-crystal "(name of the vessel) Comm Jun silent vessel requests communication. repeatedly.
Then an unidentified sleepy voice on the same channel:
- You do not Gus Crystal, you - hell gripping.
A minute of silence, and then the question:
- Who says ?!
On the radio the other sleepy voice:
- Yes, everyone is talking ...
Absolutely bald guy comes to the doctor:
- Doctor, I can not any more. Do something with my bald head!
- So, there you have a tablet - drink every day. There will be questions - come.
A week later he comes:
- Doctor, I now drink a week, but no result.
- Well, you drink, drink ...
It comes in a month:
- Doctor, still no result. Only in the ass hair began to grow!
- You drink more ...
Come back in a month:
- Doctor, they do not help - only to grow the ass and everything ...
- Continue to drink and come back later.
Six months later, he comes:
- Doctor, I can not any more. At the head of any hairs did not grow - and rear so that it is impossible to walk.
- So, well, now slowly start zachёsyvat down ...
If a girl is with honor out of the situation - then the situation was wrong.
Man looking for a woman like my mother; and finds the mother in law, similar to the pope.
Tell me what you think about, and I'll tell you what.
I do not like Jewish holidays - they always end some trimmed ...
To which my conscience - I have a family.
After the wedding night the most hated men saying - you're not the first, not the last.
In fact, acupuncture - an ancient Chinese torture with little side effect.
The pole winner is the one who has all pereprygaet and shooting - who all shot.
If I knew talon - I would give a turnip!
A woman to be happy a little bit - at least 15 centimeters.
Your joy of offensive bright sunny morning would be incomplete if you suddenly become clear that this occurred on Monday.
- You're so concerned about what?
- Why, I think, in a studio apartment can accommodate seventy-five people invited his wife on our wedding anniversary!
- So you have that - a round number?
- No, I have a wife - a fool round!
- Debushka! What burden?
- Eighth Month!
Three-time champion Georgia swimming long distances Zaza Babivadze was disqualified in the World Cup!
He was not able to prove to the judges that undressed and went out to start only in swimming trunks ...
- Guys, today I pour more, and himself smaller.
- Why ?!
- And now it's your turn to carry me home.
Yesterday at Colorado hit an unprecedented hurricane. Destroyed homes, Unicov tozheny crops. According to local environmentalists, none of the beetle was not injured.
Guys go from home to work, including to bring money home. But, mainly, they go to work to the house to rest.
- How strong you brew! What do you add to it?
- Cement.
- Ivan Semenovich clearly increased pressure!
- Why did you decided to - you're not a doctor?
- And it explode mosquitoes!
300 years of Peter. Putin visits an exhibition of children's drawings. Little boy hands him a gift. Putin:
- Thank you. Boy, why do you shake hands?
Boy:
- And it's because the president's uncle, that my chest just three red dots appeared ...
The group of Estonian companies entered the market due to the new service - "Online
- Mail! ".
Wife comes home at night. Calls on the door. Opens husband with a rolling pin.
Says she:
- Come Dykhne!
- Uhhh! (Breathe on it)
He sniffed the air and slapped her hrenak:
- Again sucked!
Barrymore is sitting at home in the kitchen eating oatmeal. Suddenly the doorbell. Barrymore goes into the hall, he opened the door.
Behind the door is another Barrymore and asks:
- Tell me, please - Barrymore live here?
- YES YOU Jam !!!
Doctors desperately asserted:
- We're losing it, oh - we're losing him!
And they watched as with each passing day reduces the amount of alcohol in a large thick-walled bottles.
Addict comes in the "McDonald's" and asks:
- Uh-uh! Did a lot of poppy in the "Big Mac"?
- Hello, we share! Do you smoke?
- No.
- What kind of cigarettes do you smoke?
Came mother with her son in the cemetery.
- Here, here, my son, is your grandfather. He died a long time and does not know that you were born.
The boy thought a moment and asked:
- Mom, next to an empty space for Grandma?
- Yes, sonny.
- So you do not worry, we will bury my grandmother - my grandfather, and I see.
- And let's present to Putin lighter!
- He does not smoke!
- And let's gave him a jacket in pineapples, green pants and such ...
- And you do not smoke!
Saturday. Banja. Two voices in the fog.
-... Possible without offshore! Mishka Belsky know?
- No, just heard ...
- Well, here it is once through customs five lemons greens nalom provёz!
- How?!
- It's just ... drove six!
Posted on ICQ:
- Hi, Vova, it's you?
- Are you crazy ?! I do not have an Internet !!!
There are two friends:
- Why are you so happy?
- Vaska the army dodged !!!
- Slopes, or paid?
- The prison sat !!!
Went on sale sensor detecting satisfaction.
The difference between male and female version of the size scale.
Men from -1 to +10.
Women from -10 to greater than 0.
- And I know how to be in English "Dish of the world."
- REAS dish?
- Do not pussy I honestly know!
As a child, the girl Katya very teased.
Due to the beard!
Announcement: On TV announcer requires ugly with vile nasty voice to communicate.
- I vodka - with me at a party clearly.
- I have a salad - each person I am pleased.
- I hashish ... I forgot the words.
Survived the word "VIR" is used more often in Russian the word "dick"!
Observation of life:
When a long time you can not have sex, you notice that all the time you are surrounded by naked women!
Only they dressed ...
Valeria appeared in "Playboy". The magazine closed.
- Three maidens by the window...
- They could not stand the balcony.
Goes steep jeep, all dirty and rear naisano: "Urgent Call Victor!".
Below: "I went to fuck!".
Rehearsal infomercial juice.
Children:
- And I - cherry ..
- And I - apple ...
- And I - tomato ...
- And I - stupid ass ....
- Boy !!!!! You - EGGPLANT !!!! Again...
- And I - cherry ..
- And I - apple ...
- And I - tomato ...
- And I - stupid ass ....
- Boy !!!!! I repeat - you - EGGPLANT !!!! Again!!!
- And I - cherry ..
- And I - apple ...
- And I - Eggplant !!!
- Boy !!!!! You stupid ass !!!! First comes - TOMATO !!!!
In the good old tradition of caring for women at first, and then get married.
And an evil - just fuck.
Wipe hands on pants uncivilized! It will explain to anyone whose pants you choose.
On my head is already so much hair that every haircut for me may be the last.
Shahid assemble - just belted ...
Every woman has a secret. Vaginal.
You can not judge a girl by her appearance only ... Jack the Ripper understood this, and therefore more interested and internal ...
In the morning, the mirror is showing scary movie ....
If everything goes up, then the convoy is easier to work.
If you create a decent prison conditions - to reach for decent people.
Do not worry about a lot, and you experience it many.
If a woman tries to keep her virginity until marriage - that she has much of a chance to save it until retirement.
Moscow airport acquired biosystem scaring worth $ 30 million. The system is served by one operator.
The system is able to automatically convert foul language operator in the alarm cries of different species of birds ...
- Associate Professor Sidorov - again, your telescope is pointed at the female hostel ...
Are you not interested in watching the birth of a new galaxy? !!
Kamchatka volcanologists lost a piece of paper with research over the past 130 years!
Yesterday sell home ...
Today, back - we said defective.
- Why is a Russian ram can cook barbecue, and from the US do not have?
- We're not ogres ...
The new SMS-game!
Send to 777 any three-digit number and find it in your account!
- Sister - invite, please, the next patient ...
- But, Doctor - I'm still not finished with this dance!
- Honey, I'm so tired, we go for two hours!
- Hold on, honey, soon halt.
- I can not! I rubbed shoulders backpack, shoes are too tight, the sun bakes!
- Well, what can I do, darling?
- Can you get out of a backpack?
In 1776 was created the freest country in the world - the United States of North America.
And after 90 years, even abolished slavery in her ...
- What kind of girl a man can be called a princess?
- The one that let him to his palace ...
Exam. Included studentochki sort of cute. On the threshold of requests:
- Put my top five!
Professor (dumbfounded):
- Yes, people here for five bones lie !!!
Student (looking around):
- Where?
Shop near the counter are father and son. A son:
- Pa-and-up! And as I take the juice?
Dad:
- Well, how do I know? You do you drink it! I did not ask you how much vodka I take?
London. Our days.
Simple English janitor sweeps the pavement. To him comes Bender:
- What, father of the bride in your city have?
- To the bride and Camilla ...
In my opinion, this is the height of cynicism: to lay me in the next room, and in the morning to ask why I was so sad ..?
I recently purchased a home theater.
In the first row of chairs now sit boys candy and crack, the second - his wife and mother-in nibble sunflower seeds, and the third - we drink a beer with friends, in the back on a couch kissing daughter with a friend, and behind the sofa dryuchat cat ...
- What will be the mobile phone of the future?
- It will consist of two bugs, one inserted into the ear, the other - in the tooth.
And if you just do not refill the account - the more will have to pay for services of a dentist and Laura!
- Hello. Who do you want?
- Yes, so I decided to err number.
- What are you doing yesterday on the phone for an hour a mother? I am arguing with someone?
- No, a friend happy birthday congratulations.
From the dialogue on the street:
- Yesterday marked the 18th anniversary of his brother. What he presented to relatives? Machine.
"Mercedes", of course, the latest model. This beautiful, all shiny, leather seats! Miracle machine! - Then follows a heavy sigh, MAT pause, and continued: - The only disadvantage she - the size of one to forty!
In the apartment of one young lady skater bursts police patrol.
- That you are now called us and asked to urgently come to you because your husband suddenly left on a business trip?
- No no. Sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number!
Telephone call:
- Hello, I'm an ad!
- Hello, speak louder!
- I ad !!!
- Repeat, who is that ?!
- I'm calling on your ad !!!
- According to the announcement ?!
- YES!!!
- On what?
- With regard to hearing aid !!!
- What is the product?
- Hearing !!!
- A hearing! Already sold!
- Children, what's your favorite toothpaste?
- Colgate!
- And how much is two plus two?
- Colgate!
- Au revoir les enfants!
- Colgate!
- Why are your elephants fun that are thrown out of the enclosure directly on the head of the public some dirty waders! I will complain!
- Calm down, it's just for you waders. And for them - it's just used condoms.
At the pharmacy:
- I have something to get the girls.
- Viagra?
- No, but there is chloroform?
On the road going car convoy, traveling far and periodically stopping to refuel. Only one rusty "penny" is not dressed ...
And one carrier, unable to stand, comes up to her and asked:
- Guys, we have already passed the 5,000 kilometers - and you've never once refueled, I thought the tank can have a big or little eating machine - but for this distance, no tank is not enough!
From the "pennies" two startled student:
- And we have no money ...
IL-14 military aircraft. Far East flight. The third hour of flight, early in the morning, the sun rises: the entire crew of half asleep. A flight along the border with China. Suddenly, on SDA (Jets intercom):
- Commander, 5 degrees to the right.
He tucks.
And then again:
- 5 More to the right.
Commander, finally cheer up and remembering that the next frontier:
- Navigator, which course?
The headphones:
- What-What, the former!
- What tucked?
- I did not say tuck.
- Well, what - 5, then 5 more!
- Yes, I did not say!
- Who says ?!
- I.
- Who am I?!
- The wireless operator.
The commander turns around and looks at the radio operator that the full rasslabuhe broke on the chair.
- Well, why ?!
- Yes, the sun was beating straight in the eye ... And now OK!
When you do not pay the salary - there are only two ways to save themselves and their
nerves, either do not go to work or not to go home!
Of two evils wins the most vicious. So good there.
Helpful hint gardeners. If you are going the whole day in the garden - you will not need a scarecrow.
Lack forms greed. Excess - a hangover.
Cannibals - not those who eat people, and those who have horses!
Each pioneer must pass the state 15 kg of waste paper and the two who did not pass.
To fight off the husband hunt forever to walk to the left - you just once well give it, and it is on the left egg!
The ability to quickly find a common language is very dependent on kissing techniques.
If the baton is not used for its intended purpose - it can turn into intestinal ...
Medical examination in the military - a legal way to show the draft Commission dick.
- Girl! You're a girl?
- Nahal!
- Do not guess !! Sidorov I !!!
- Moses went out and said, see these rivers, the mountains, the sea?
- Yes.
- Pass the next.
From life.
Pedagogical Institute, 5th pair. All students are tired. And the teacher asked:
- Oleg Nikolayevich - well, let go, we are very tired ...
- Well, when this piece of chalk over - and then go home ...
A little voice from the back of the desk:
- Let me devour it!
- Gyulchataj, open a beer!
- And I can still face?
- What do you mean, Gyulchataj ?! Yes, everyone can clearly see that your little face just open a beer!
Very respectable office. Still a solid businessman sitting in a chair.
Included secretary.
- Ivan Ivanovich, I'm sorry, you do not forget that under our patronage is Medical University?
- Nope, not forgotten, and Cho?
- Today, a call from the anatomical theater. They asked me to help.
- Yes, you can train hopping as well?
- Yes, they are asking for tools and equipment. Corpses of them already.
- The day of my birthday falls on the 28th of November.
- Excuse me, what year?
- Everyone, young man!
Shop women's underwear - "Bustier" ...
And if the male?
"Huylo"?
Marry a foreigner!
Black, height 175, weight 70. hardworking, loves animals. In Russian says five SMOs as well as in Tajik ...
Wanted in Warsaw to call any area named Karol Wojtyla ...
But he did too little against Russia.
As a child, Boris Moiseev literally begged his parents to kick his ass ...
- Moldovan scientists invented the world's first eco-friendly engine that runs on energy hamsters. It burns 12 hamsters per 100 kilometers.
Crime news: yesterday, Ivanov and Petrov seen in the game in an active-passive chess.
In the interests of investigation the names and the name of the game changed.
- Bartender! 20 drops valokordin me and my old women!
- I love to love with his girlfriend in the car to do!
- And what's your car?
- Washing!
- And I was vacationing in Italy!
- What Italy ?! You have the same father - an engineer, and my mother - a teacher.
- And my uncle - a thief!
- I look at you, Katya Lel! Not two troubles in Russia!
- Want ringtone to your bell?
- Mail sweaty armpits? Mug for each day!
- Vasilisa asleep on the stove, and sleeps next to Ivan ...
- Fool!
- Fairy Tale. It was the old man's three sons. Senior was a clever fellow, the average has been this way and that, all the younger was a fool!
- The old man was sick, and it turned worse and worse each time ...
- Guys, where the area of $ 100?
- Yes, there is no such district ... And he do, in fact, why ?!
- The girls here are good somewhere in the region of $ 100 - Yes I was told.
Announcement: Lost dog, breed diver. Signs - black, large, with a white spot on the chest, scuba orange ...
- Recently, a children's drawing competition was held on the pavement on the highway Kiev-Odessa. The contest was called "Road marking the eyes of children."
News feed.
The United States conducted an operation in support of the starving children in Africa.
As it had been destroyed during the operation ...
New!
Even hopeless morons and "vegetables," stopped writing in my pants literally on the same day !!
Ask in the shops of the city the new Pampers with battery !!!
She calls the "La Strada":
- Excuse me, but photoepilation - it's like?
- In Photoshop ...
- Hey, driver, let smoke.
- Do not give, a drop of nicotine can kill a horse.
- Yes, you wake up, the driver, the eye-wipe. I horse you have!
In the Irkutsk region there was a bear-rod. It turned out that it does not give sleep a bear-snorer.
Wife reprimanded her husband:
- Here I look, Bob, you and think - met you I was not fifteen years ago, and now, not what you would have for such a marriage did not come out ...
- Yes, the hell would I need you now had three children then?
- Honey, our maid says she is pregnant!
- Probably lying! There is no doctor who would define it on the third day!
Resting in the south with difficulty waking up after a wild five-day drinking, stupid looks at himself in the mirror - blue, swollen, and muses:
- Oh, I'm sunburned ... And also recovered ...
- Mom mom! Vovk me all sprayed!
- And you spray it too.
- But, Mom, how? I'm a girl!
He lived with his old man old woman near the blue sea. Threw the old man in the sea seine, seine came, and there - a pike.
- What the heck? - The old man was surprised. - It seems to be a goldfish. I do not Emelya in the end.
- All right, - said Pike. - We goldfish long worked on one sector of the market. And recently, the board of directors was agreed takeover of one company by another ...
And pike sated belched.
They talk to two prostitutes:
- How zhivesh?
- Bad. I am reeling from "Metropolis": who will give a couple of bucks, who in the face - and fuck all ...
- And I live well! I walk continually in the House actor House of the writer, in the House of Journalists. Intelligent audience. Invited to his home - where the cognac, champagne ... Then I go to bed with him, he pokes into the hands of the penis - and he falls asleep and sleeping through the night ...
- Yes, you are well settled ... Did anyone?
- Yes, the ancestors ...
- The ancestors ?! Than?
- Surname sonorous given - Sobchak!
And curiously, criminal article "For a coup attempt"
It is, and for himself a coup is no article ...
So what we are without a king in his head - but we have a democracy in the ass!
Uninvited assistant - the best pest.
Moon came up with the Jews, in order not to pay for electricity ...
Good to be senile - every day you will read new stories on tape!
She gave birth to the Queen's son on the night of the net, gross daughter.
Well this is how to hate men to become a dentist ...
Nothing is so costly, as the desire to get rid of cheap ...
Never drink on an empty wallet!
Why do not people fly like birds? A thump like a pig!
Today the expression: "Let's go, the children in the school" has received a somewhat different meaning ...
The cheapest and reliable way to demine a minefield - it is sown hemp.
Lovely curse - pussy itch.
- Why did the menu written 050 weight dishes, rather than just 50 grams?
- So this is an octal number.
Mosvodkanal to threaten to sue c. Sidorova, which is criminal negligence poured down the toilet the whole bottle "Domestos" than destroyed the most valuable rare species of bacteria that grew Mosvodkanal 70 years ...
- Why in the toilet smoking pulls?
- Craving better!
- And we have already met!
- That's what I'm looking - body familiar ...
Ukrainian runs into Belarusian:
- Here we have all the Ukraine. And the bread, and coal, ore and all sorts, and even oil found in the Carpathians. And you? Only one potato is ...
- Yes - meets Belarusian. - You're right. During the war, the Germans even policemen had to import from Ukraine.
- Guys, take me to the army ...
- How is it that you have the same enuresis and flat feet?
- I said: "For the Germans will"!
Sitting man in the closet of the Bolshoi Theatre. Suddenly the door was the one to break.
Man, irritably:
- Well, who's there yet ?!
- It's us, the dancers of the ballet group!
Man:
- Well, have a dance at the door until ... Porepetiruyte!
On the street the young man approaches a pretty woman:
- Sorry, but it seems to me that you are the father of one of my children ...
Man in horror:
- I?!!
- Calm down, I'm a teacher ...
Judge:
- And what are your claims to this man?
- He said that is the highlight of my ...
- So what? It's a compliment!
- Yes, but he tried to dig it !!!
One guy says to the other:
- I Went here with your doctor ... it was strange to some, not so as always.
- And why did you decide ?!
- Yes, until I told him about his problems, he did not even smile ...
- Masha Rasputina done plastic surgery.
- Yeah - and, judging by their appearance, itself!
The secretary enters the office of the chief, and said:
- From this moment on I will have the salary of one thousand dollars and 4 days off per week!
Head, sarcastically:
- Who told you that, my dear ???
- Gynecologist and lawyer !!!
- Hello, Doctor? Help, I have a severe diarrhea. Even the toilet can not stand.
- My dear - you do not need me, and to consult with a psychiatrist - who during diarrhea arises from the toilet ?!
- Honey, I have a surprise for you!
- Can not be! Do sober in the morning ?!
- Boy, why do you fall asleep sand just American tanks, and the British do not touch?
- A British themselves drown in the sand ...
Spider - ant (extremely annoyed):
- And there you dick knows how you each other with each other in the face distinguish ...
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