25 Soviet things that have not been heard abroad
The past of each country is unique and unites the people living in it. Maxim magazine remembered the good Soviet times and gathered what arouses pleasant thrill and nostalgia in our hearts.
This version of volleyball, simplified for frail children's bodies, appeared in the 1930s. Let this type of Soviet children's sport developed basically only the grasping function of the body, but it was amazingly democratic. Literally everyone could play pioneer ball: boys, girls, fat, dystrophics, mentally retarded and bespectacled. There were no stars in the pioneer ball, because it was impossible to play well in it (it was possible to play very badly, but that’s another story). Until now, Russian children in Turkish and Spanish hotels have been amazed by the staff playing their mysterious game.
2. Trust turnstiles
This is where they are buried, the roots of national psychology. Only our turnstiles work on the principle of predatory plants. They lurk in the darkness of the iron boxes, giving you the illusion of complete freedom and security. But at any attempt of illegal penetration of their jaws they close on the body of the violator - in the area of the most vulnerable places. Yes, we are not looking for easy ways. We do not trust them since childhood.
3. Boiled condensed milk
Caramelized concentrated milk lives in foreign supermarkets - in the departments of all sorts of ingredients for confectionery. But the taste, appearance and smell are not at all what our own condensed milk, which you yourself cooked for three hours in a saucepan, and then scrubbed from the walls and ceiling. After a little distracted by watching the final match of the European Cup.
“Footcloths were, are and will be! - the head of the rear of the Armed Forces, Army General Vladimir Isakov, said in an interview to the press. - Because synthetic foot is harmful, especially when it is necessary to run 30 kilometers in kersey boots. Instead of synthetic thick socks, every soldier needs to be sewn to measure, or they will be skinned, and legs should be stuffed up to bloody corns. I tried the Russian army socks, tried, not live in the Stone Age. So, the experiments failed. These are all kinds of American marines, who strive to move around by helicopters and jeeps, they can afford to indulge in their toes. ” This is the opinion of the army leadership. But already one of us can bring one useful skill from the army. Girls, for example, the ability to instantly make their own socks out of two handkerchiefs makes an indelible impression.
5. Sit on the track
Our ancient national superstition says that if all members of a noisy family sit down and shut up a minute before leaving, the trip will be successful. If only because it is at this sacred moment that they can mysteriously realize that the passports are left on the sofa, the tickets are in the bathroom, and on the child, instead of mittens, they wear skates.
6. Knock on wood
As you know, around every person is full of eared evil spirits who are engaged in destroying all dreams. As soon as they hear that someone wants to buy a horse there is more profitable to buy a daughter or marry successfully, they immediately rush from all clutches to pick up the price, to spoil the girl, just to spoil it. Therefore, in all countries, reasonable people, foolishly expressing some of their desire out loud, immediately knocked on the tree: the tree of devils scares, this is what the druids understood. But now this useful skill other nations have undermined. And we will knock and knock!
7. Bath broom
More like a tool of torture than pleasure, this bundle of branches with dried leaves is a much more original symbol of our country than the French ballet, Chinese kokoshnik or, for example, caviar, which all Iran and Canada export with might and main. Baths have many nations. Only we have a broom.
8. Birch sap
It seems like there are many birch trees where they grow, but for some reason no one else thought about how tasty and useful birch sap is. Maybe it’s all a matter of some gene, which only allows us to feel the subtle taste of sweetish plywood, which is so beautiful in childhood? And a birch sap is absolutely necessary for an adult when a foreigner comes to visit him. Then you can buy a can of this juice and get the guest to taste our national drink properly, with quiet pleasure watching the expression on his face at this moment.
Let the kekera, the progenitor of kvass, come up with in Mesopotamia - today neither in Egypt, nor in Iran can you find kvass in the afternoon with fire, as in any other country in the world. Only here. And those villains who in recent years have got into the habit of selling carbonated drinks "on the basis of kvass", you just need to drown in basins with their products.
The washing machine, which weighs 300 grams, practically does not burst electricity and does not flood its neighbors from below, was born in Tomsk, in the scientific-production association Reton. You just put it in a bowl of water and dirty laundry, add laundry detergent, and rest — I don't want to. While you are doing your own business, Retona is doing its own thing: it diligently processes clothes with ultrasonic waves, creates microbubbles that separate dirt from the fibers of the fabric. Then you will only need to rinse the laundry, manually fade or remove the most stubborn stains with bleach and thoroughly squeeze the wash. Millions of people have already bought this ingenious invention. By the way, “Porridge from the Ax” is also a Russian fairy tale.
How we managed to introduce the rank of an ancient national tradition of eating sunflower seeds, which were brought to us two hundred years ago, is a mystery. Nevertheless, the plant is so absorbed in our culture that even well-trained historians will no-no and they will be mistaken. For example, in the book of the remarkable writer and historian Boris Akunin “Altyn-Tolobas” we can find a beggar girl who husks sunflower seeds without being embarrassed by the fact that in the described 1682 this advanced flower grower started to be cultivated by advanced gardeners from Holland and France.
Once it was in many Indo-European languages, but then it degenerated in many. And we carefully preserved it. True, slightly modified. If earlier when addressing a person, we expanded the word additional “e” at the end (“prince”, “human”), then in modern Russian the vocative form is, on the contrary, an abbreviation in the last vowel: “Zin, and Zin”, “ Listen, Pashk "," Lech, and, Lech! ".
13. Old New Year
Europe moved from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar at the end of the XVI century, and Russia - only at the beginning of the twentieth. However, the Orthodox Church categorically refused to participate in this outrage. There was nothing special here (in the end, all the branches of Orthodoxy celebrate Christmas on January 7), but we also had an atheistic revolution that threw Christmas into the dustbin of history, and it was not the main holiday of the year that did it, but dangling in the neighborhood New Year, trailing to it all the former Christmas attributes such as Christmas trees, burning stars and the gifts of the Magi. As a result, a hodgepodge like Olivier salad turned out in people's memory, and we became owners of unprecedented wealth - as many as three holiday weeks, starting with Catholic Christmas and ending with a slightly sad holiday Old New Year, whose name itself is from the category of things impossible, but existing.
It is not known when the primitive man first guessed to connect the tendons of animals so that they formed a mesh capacity that you can put in your pocket in case you suddenly track down a queue for deficient sausage on the way from work. But it is known how the name of the bag beloved by Soviet citizens appeared. For the first time it sounded in a monologue of Raikin in 1935. “And this is a string bag,” said his character, waving the above-mentioned subject in front of the viewer. “Maybe I'll bring something in it today.”
15. Address reverse
What is more important - the person or the state? Individuality or society? Unit or system? While philosophers are struggling with the solution of these global issues, they have long been decided by the Russian Post. Only we have the address starts from the country, then go the city, street, house and, finally, the combination of letters that you used to consider your personal call signs. From the general, so to speak, to the particular. In all other countries, you first notify postal services that you need John Smith, and only then indicate the coordinates of the place where John Smith is usually found. But then our postman is easier to work with!
16. Activated carbon
Coal has an absorbing property and at the same time lowers the acidity of the environment - what the doctor ordered. So they are treated "for the stomach" everywhere. But hanguine-minded doctors and pharmacists abroad in every way mask the original component, shoving all sorts of additives into coal and exposing it to various metamorphoses (in life you can not guess what this white pill or pink capsule is made of). And only we have honest sellers packaged in pharmaceutical packaging blackening, the most awesome kind of pills that stain the mouth and fingers. But it helps!
17. “What? Where? When? ”And KVN
There are more quizzes and competitions on television than you can eat. But only two games are ours, original projects, the scenarios of all other TV reporters were bought from foreign companies. Just two. But the best and most loved ones.
18. Coloring Easter eggs with onion peel.
Of course, this is all from poverty. The Russian peasant usually did not have sufficient funds for gold foil and honey colors, so that the poor painted eggs with what was on hand — onion shelupashki. Sometimes even the eggs were wrapped with thread to make a cheerful pattern. But then the egg, boiled in onion solution, turned out to be much tastier than usual, especially if the shell cracked a little.
At a time when glass was costly to disgraceful, cup holders were spread everywhere - as armor and support for an unstable, expensive glass. When the glass began to cost a ridiculous amount of pence and pfenning, the glass holders said goodbye to humanity, boarded the ship and sailed with beautiful songs to a fabulous country. It happened everywhere except in one big, very big country. People had to travel there for a very long time. And on the road, as you know, I really want tea, especially since in the country we are talking about, tea drinking has become a national tradition. And here it turned out that you can not do without a cup holder in a shaking train: it is unpleasant when you are scalded with boiling water. Everyone is so accustomed to drinking tea from glasses with cup holders, as in the houses they began to serve this drink in the same way.
Although the root “grech” makes the Greek spy suspect in this mess, it’s ours. Ancient evidence of human consumption of buckwheat by man was found only in one place, in Altai. There are fossilized buckwheat grains in burials and sites full of. Apparently, it was from Altai that buckwheat spread throughout Asia - though without much success. Only the Japanese and the Chinese partially preserved it in the diet, adding pounded buckwheat to the flour, and most nations never really ate it. Nutritionists believe: the whole thing is that you need to get used to buckwheat from early childhood, otherwise an adult person, for the first time trying buckwheat porridge, will feel bitterness and chemical aftertaste. So, besides us, nobody really eats it and is not able to eat. Although buckwheat is sold in Europe and the United States in all shops of "biological" food, but you cannot watch these bags without tears. Buckwheat in them is non-fried: green, crushed and good for nothing.
21. Doors opening inward
The legend that in the USSR the doors of apartments open inward, so that it would be more convenient for the KGB to knock them out during arrest - only a legend. The doors were opened to the KGB men themselves - quietly and doomfully. And their location is a common thing for the northern regions. Where there is a couple of meters of snow on a porch overnight, you very quickly understand how to hang the doors if you intend to get out of the house before spring comes.
Marinade - at least fill up. You will not find a simple cucumber pickle anywhere and never. Only here. It is not clear why exports are not yet established, tanks do not rush, and brine pipelines are not laid. You might think we are the only drinkers. Or was there no one yet willing to risk the liver of Prometheus, who would steal this mystery from us and give humanity suffering from a hangover?
23. March 8 and February 23
There are no paired holidays anywhere. Is it only in Japan that our holiday of boys and the holiday of girls correspond a little to our main sexual holidays. But there it is only for children, and for us - for everyone. No one has been looking at the original meaning of these dates for a long time. On the day of working women, even ladies who have not worked for five minutes in their life receive gifts, and on the day of the Russian army the most heroic draft dodgers will not save anything from new patterns of socks, ties and razors in their private collection.
Perhaps, in our country there is not a single house where there would not be even a single bubble of green. Magic remedy for everything: anoint - and everything will pass. From the “homemade” and “Sheremetyevy” hundreds of miraculous bubbles fly away every day. They fly to distant lands, to wild people who do not know what Zelenka is. Western doctors have already learned during examinations to distinguish Russian children on the mysterious green spots on the body. And as soon as they learned, they shouted, because the children were smeared with such a mixture that it was not safe to watch, not only to pour it on myself. Solid teratogens with carcinogens. Since then, all sorts of malicious Western commissions now and then demand the production of green stuff to ban. But in a country where it is still recommended in the textbooks on obstetrics to lubricate nipples with brilliant green to nursing mothers (against cracks), such proposals can be regarded as extreme blasphemy, and in some ways even disgusting. Because this is an attempt on the foundations.
25. Pine nuts
The most useful nuts. In order for them to get on the table of any citizen of the country, this country needs to have many thousands of square kilometers of taiga. And you cannot grow pine nuts industrially. Either they will have to be sold at the price of completely obscene: too much space is required for cedar to sell out fifty years later, the first ten modest cones. True, now we are exporting pine nuts, but they are not in a hurry to buy them in large quantities abroad: this exotic fruit is not used by local buyers.