How to rectify the situation

If you believe that marriage is under threat, and you are not ready for separation, whether it is possible to do something to rectify the situation?
Weiner-Davis replied in the affirmative: "I advise spouses to two simple things. First, if there is something that works, use it again and again. I ask the couple to remember those moments in their lives when they are not at war with each other, and think about what each of them did this, that brings peace in their relationships. They ask each other: "What do we do when between us there is love and harmony?", "Where do we go?", "How can we talk to each other?", "Who else is with us at such times? '" when the probability of such good moments largest, smallest and when? "
Spouses can use this approach even in the midst of violent argument, although people tend to from time to time to return to old habits. "
Weiner-Davis also asked the couple, with whom she worked, to determine what it considers as misconduct. This is her second simple formula. "Think that's over what recommends it. Most people get a certain habit respond to certain things, despite the fact that it never fails. I help to get rid of such doom to failure the usual action and find a new approach.
The bottom line is that if your actions do not lead to the desired result, you need to try something completely different, even though it may seem strange.
I once heard a story on the radio, which can serve as an excellent example, says Weiner-Davis. she begged her husband, with whom he lived 55 years, do not be breakfast without a shirt. When he was young, this habit is not annoyed by it, but now that he's older, she was unpleasant to see while eating his body became flabby. But however long it repeated its request, he remained deaf to her words.
One morning, it continues to Weiner-Davis, the woman made breakfast for her husband, and he, as always, came to the table without a shirt. Suddenly it dawned on me; she hurried out because of the table and went to his room. There she was stripped to the waist, and then quietly returned to the dining room. My husband was stunned when he saw her. Then he got up, dressed, and went, in the words of the woman, never came to the table is not dressed. "
"The main thing, says Weiner-Davis, you have to break the usual order of things. It makes no sense to repeat the request, which is always ignored. The unusual reaction causes the other spouse for a fresh look at the relationship and can do wonders in restoring good relations. "