How to fix the situation
If you think that marriage is in jeopardy, and you are not ready to part, can anything be done to remedy the situation?
Winer Davis replies in the affirmative: “I advise spouses to do two simple things. First: if there is something that works, use it again and again. I ask the spouses to recall such moments in their lives, when they did not fight with each other, and think about what each of them did such that the world contributed to their relationship. They ask each other: “What do we do when love and harmony reign between us?”, “Where do we go?”, “How do we talk to each other?”, “Who else happens to us in such moments?”, “ When is the probability of such good moments greatest, and when is the least? ”
Spouses can take advantage of this approach even in the midst of a cruel argument, although it is common for people from time to time to return to old habits. ”
Winer-Davis also asked couples with whom she worked to determine what she sees as misbehavior. This is her second simple formula. “Consider this, she recommends. Most people get into the habit of reacting to certain things in a certain way, despite the fact that it never gives results. I help to get rid of such habitual actions condemning failure and to find a new approach.
The bottom line is that if your actions do not lead to the desired result, you need to try something completely different, even if it seems strange.
I once heard a story on the radio that can serve as an excellent example, says Weiner Davis. the woman begged her husband, with whom she had lived 55 years, not to come to breakfast without a shirt. When he was young, this habit did not irritate her, but now that he had grown old, it was unpleasant for her to see his flabby body when eating. But no matter how much she repeated her request, he remained deaf to her words.
One morning, Wiener Davis continues, this woman prepared breakfast for her husband, and he, as always, came to the table without a shirt. Suddenly it dawned on her; she hurried out of the table and headed for her room. There she undressed to the waist, and then calmly returned to the dining room. Husband dumbfounded when he saw her. Then he got up, went to get dressed and, according to this woman, never came to the table again without getting dressed. ”
“The main thing, according to Wiener Davis, is that you have to break the usual sequence of things. It makes no sense to repeat the request, which is always ignored. An unusual reaction forces the other spouse to take a fresh look at relationships and can do wonders in restoring a good relationship. ”