How to mitigate the situation
To help you and your children find it easier to endure a divorce, experts have developed a set of recommendations.
Listen to the angry remarks of your children. Children feel anger and express it. In the end, they did not want this.
Pay attention to the fact that children are very sad. Divorce is not one of those events that are quickly forgotten. It will take 2-3 years before the worst is over.
Try to be patient. Your children will undoubtedly ask questions every day. Leading questions, indictment questions, repeat questions. Answer everything, try to find the best answers.
Understand your childhood reunion fantasies. Most children dream of having their parents reconnected, even if marriage was a real disaster. Do not fuel these fantasies, but remember that they are completely natural.
Set a schedule for regular visits. “Studies have shown that a child’s ability to adapt to a new situation is not affected by the frequency of visits, but by their regularity,” said Marla Beth Isaac, Ph.D., a private psychologist in Philadelphia and author of the book “Difficult Divorce: Therapy for Children and Parents.” Children whose parents set a schedule of visits in the first year after the divorce turn out to be more socially oriented by the third year than children whose parents did not. Researchers believe that regular visits give children the opportunity to believe that the family continues to exist, despite the changes in life brought about by divorce.
Talk about children with your ex-spouse. Parents who talk about children (about school affairs, music lessons, birthdays, etc.) have better tolerance of divorce, especially in the first year after a divorce.