How to soften the situation
To help you and your children easier to transfer the divorce, experts have developed a number of recommendations.
Listen to the angry sayings of your children. Children feel anger and express it. In the end, they did not want this.
Pay attention to the fact that children are very sad. Divorce is not one of those events that are quickly forgotten. It will take 2-3 years before the worst is over.
Try to be patient. Your children will no doubt ask questions every day. Guiding questions, accusatory questions, repeated questions. Answer all, try to find the best answers.
Treat with understanding the childish fantasies of reunion. Most children dream of parents reuniting, even if marriage was a disaster. Do not fuel these fantasies, but remember that they are quite natural.
Set a schedule for regular visits. “Studies have shown that the child’s ability to adapt to the new situation is not affected by the frequency of visits, but by their regularity,” said Marla Beth Isaac, Ph.D., a private psychologist from Philadelphia and author of Difficult Divorce: Therapy for Children and Parents. Children whose parents in the first year after the divorce set a schedule of visits, by the third year are more socially oriented than children whose parents have not done so. Researchers believe that regular visits give children the opportunity to assume that the family continues to exist, despite the changes in life made by the divorce.
Talk about children with your former spouse. Parents who talk about children (school affairs, music lessons, birthdays, etc.) have a better toleration of divorce, especially in the first year after the divorce.