Conflicts is a common thing.
The likelihood of conflicts in families with two breadwinners is very high. Studies show that no matter how prestigious and profitable their service is, women still do most of the housekeeping and child care work, and this is precisely the situation that causes the most controversy in the house. There are other, more serious reasons for conflict than asking who should dust or take out the trash. What if one of the spouses is offered an excellent job in another state? What happens if you start earning more than your spouse, or rise above him through the ranks? What if you stop being the woman he married for him? As well as disagreements on the issues of housekeeping, these are all moments that can explode a marriage, like a land mine.
There are no simple answers to questions related to conflicts in families, where both husband and wife strive to make a career, conflicts that can put an end to marriage. In such families, there is much more controversy over any matter, ranging from who should take up diapers to the business interests of which spouse should be preferred this week; in such families more often it is necessary to make compromises. Often it turns out that such couples have little time left, and this causes anger, resentment, and a feeling of loneliness. If the marriage ceases to satisfy the spouses, they sometimes look for satisfaction in their careers. In this case, you risk making decisions based on the interests of your career, and, not fed by anything, your marriage will die of starvation.
“Many working spouses feel tired all the time, said Mattie Gershenfeld, Ph.D., director of the Center for the Study of Relationships of Spouses in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania. Not surprisingly, for many of them, sex has lost its appeal. ”
As in any good marriage, over time, the distinction between spouses smoothes out, they begin to tolerate the shortcomings of the other. To take advantage of this marriage, the relationship between working spouses must be healthy. “The only guarantee of the strength of a marriage is a good, caring relationship of loving people who can honestly talk about everything, says Dr. Gisela Bout, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, associate professor of psychology from Northwestern University in Chicago. It is essential that both understand and respect each other’s professional interests and responsibilities. ”
In contrast to the relationship I give I take, that is, she gives, and he takes, as usual for past years, modern working spouses give and take mutually. Spouses are one team whose members provide mutual support.
Gay Hirshi first felt the benefits of a marriage built on mutual support when she married Tom, the second husband nine years ago. “In the first marriage, my husband wanted me to do everything for him. I also want to do everything for Tom, but the difference is that he also wants to do everything for me. When I lost my permanent job several years ago, I thought that maybe I had a chance to try to start my own business. I was worried that all the burden of material concerns would fall on Tom’s shoulders. But he said: "Try." He reminded me that when he lost his job several years earlier, I kept us both for six months. "If you could do this for me, he remarked, I can do the same for you." Yes, when I was growing up, it was not accepted. But a wonderful idea! ”
“Marriage must be nourished. It’s not enough to farm together, says Dr. Gerschenfeld; She often recommends couples going to mini-vacations together, taking advantage of low weekend prices in many hotels during the dead seasons. The main thing is that you need to break out of the monotonous flow of days, away from the plans that hang over you, she says. It is good for your marriage and good for your children. Otherwise all your accumulated irritation will spill over them. ”