Learn to understand mothers

What if your relationship with your mother brought you to rabies? You have a thought that would be nice, waking up one morning to find out that you are an adopted child? Do you shudder when you come to mind that you have a chance to eventually turn into an equally unbearable person?
mother daughter relationship, and in any case should not be folded in this manner, said Karen Johnson, MD, a psychiatrist specializing in women's interpersonal relationships. You can do as the daughter of the first big step towards improving relations. To do this, look at his mother as a person in general, not just as a mother. You need to pay attention to the following points.
Try to understand the motives of your mother's actions. "It is important for you to learn how to have affected the life of your mother's external circumstances, says Dr. Johnson. A mother who overly worried for her daughter when she enters puberty, and tightly controls it may be, that age was the victim of sexual violence. She's just trying to protect her daughter from suffering that she endured. A daughter, meanwhile, thinks the mother she pregadkaya person and wants to ruin her life. "
Learn the history of your mother's life. The more you know about your mother, the more it will see not seen you before, when you looked at it only as a mother. Try to remember what you know about her childhood, suggests Paul George. Kaplan. "Since most of us with great sympathy to the children, we are less inclined to idolize them or curse, as it happens in our relationships with adults."
For example, ask, how old was your grandmother, when your mother was born. How she lived? What were the economic, political and social conditions of the family, when your mother grew up?
Pay attention to your likeness. "Ask yourself, says Dr. Kaplan, that you have in common with his mother values, fears, political views, types of friends, religious beliefs, favorite foods, sources of joy and sorrow, mannerisms, gestures, facial features, figure, sense of style, etc. .d. ".
Ask mum about the details of your birth and the first years of life. Dr. Kaplan suggests the following questions: "How was the pregnancy? How do you behave in the womb? Are you Billy legs or were calm? How was the birth? What she felt for the first time when I saw you? What she liked in you when you were a baby? What was she afraid? What gave her the hardest as she nursed you? Do not you think it is bad or inept yourself a mother? "
"Let her know, continues Dr. Kaplan that you understand how difficult it is to be a mother, and would like to know how it all happened in her from her point of view."
Think of the responsibility that lay on your mother's shoulders. "Mothers usually bear the heavy burden of responsibility for the care and upbringing of children, says Dr. Johnson. I do not mean only the daily duties, which are themselves quite burdensome. There are more serious things. Mothers feel responsible for the psychological health of their children. Their first often blame if their children are not all right. "
Do not assume that your mother was invulnerable and omnipotent. "The more you learn about the difficulties experienced by your mother when you raised, so you can be more indulgent towards her," says Dr. Kaplan. In other words, think about what the problems confronting it might affect her attitude toward your education. Do you remember the days when she was too tired to play with you, or too irritable, or she did not have enough positive emotions? Maybe it was the time when she had especially hard?
As one woman told me she never did not realize how unhappy her mother was married to her father until she divorced him. "When I saw how relaxed and fun it has become, a divorce with his father and marrying again, I finally realized that I was not the cause of her bad mood."
Put yourself in her place. "It does not matter how much you look like your mother, try to imagine what it would be like if you lived that kind of life, which has fallen to its lot, says Dr. Johnson. I recently tried to do it, and came to the conclusion that my mother did everything she could to make her circumstances. "