Let's call things by their proper names

But, according to experts, it is not so important who disposes of money in marriage, if there is mutual consent. "They can be both spouses," says Dr. Siegel. For example, every Thursday evening you collect invoices and write out checks together or discuss a payment plan. Or one week you will disassemble the accounts, and the next your husband. "
But before you start practicing something like that, experts recommend carefully considering what system you will conduct your financial affairs. "The way a husband and wife debug their monetary relations reflects the relationship between common and individual interests," notes Dr. Siegel.
There are three possible scenarios. There is a system of one boiler, when all the money is put on one account. "In this case, priority is given to the community, the notion" we "comes to the fore, continues Dr. Sigel. The second system is a system of two boilers, when everyone has their own account, their savings, and each pays its own expenses. "This system brings into the relationship a strong spirit of individualism," she warns. Another option when the boilers are three, each of the spouses has its own expense plus the total for household expenses. "This shows that both spouses have distinct individualities, but at the same time they are conscious of their own community.
None of these systems can be called better than another, she says. It is important that the decision was made with common consent and your choice suited both of you. "
In this case, the systems work. Forty-four-year-old Carol Rigen is an architect and earns considerably more than her husband, a professor. "He is a man of traditional views, he could not be married, which depended on the money of his wife, she admits. But he does not have such a feeling, because we found a way for both of them to conduct financial affairs. " Reagens practice a system of three boilers. Each of them has their own savings, their own accounts, their personal expenses. "Every week we contribute an equal amount of money to household expenses," Carol says. We make large purchases at the rate of 50:50. When we bought furniture, we divided the costs. The same thing happens when we go on vacation or have lunch at a restaurant. He does not care that I have more money that I can spend on myself, because he knows that he contributes a fair share in the costs of what is really important. "
Margot Armstrong, a 47-year-old pharmacist, says that she and her husband have something in common between the systems of one and three boilers. "Although almost everything we earn goes to our common account, each of us has our own accounts. In this way, we can buy gifts to each other, so that the second spouse does not know the value of the gift. Although each of us has children from the first marriage, we know that everything that we have is for everyone. Now he sends money to his former wife for a child, and when it's time to send my daughters to college, we will pay their tuition together. We have a well-organized union. "
Well-coordinated alliance says this. "It's easy to see how closely intertwined can be love and money," says Dr. Siegel. Respect, commitments, close relationships, love find expression in how money is given and received. " Making decisions about spending money involves rights, mutual respect and trust. If at least one of these terms is absent, mutually satisfying cost management can become impossible.