As in the case of other heavy losses, it is impossible to say how and when you manage to recover from it. Although friends and relatives may think that after a year you already “went through this,” you are unlikely to agree with them. A survey of 300 women who lost their spouses found that grief was experienced much longer than anticipated. Most widows, according to researchers, “have relatively well adapted” after four years.
The period of time that it will take you to cope with grief depends on your personality, for example, on how quickly you master the changes, because your spouse could occupy a central place in your life; the circumstances of his death matter (whether it was sudden or happened after a long illness), how much friends and relatives support you, whether there were subsequent losses that could distract the old grief.
Young widows additionally experience loss injustice. “Who would have thought, exclaims a psychologist from Philadelphia, Marion Frank, Ph.D., who was widowed at 23, her husband died in a plane crash. It does not fit in the head. You can experience a feeling of terrible injustice of what happened, a feeling bordering on anger. ”
But every woman experiences this grief in her own way. Melissa's life essentially stopped for the days, weeks, and months following the death of her husband. She could not eat and suffered from insomnia. She either clutched at business with manic activity, or was unable to budge. She cried all the time. Sometimes she was amazed at how angry strangers cause her, “because they live quietly, while the tragedy completely changed the life of my family.”
Overjoyed, she had to settle practical issues. She suddenly turned into a single mother with two children, one of whom had not yet grown out of diapers, and the other was inconsolable due to the loss of her beloved daddy. Although her husband left her some money, Melissa knew that she needed to find a way to increase her budget: “At three in the morning I usually woke up, sat in bed and thought:“ My God, how should I go next? ”
And she realized that while time gradually heals the wound, you are imperceptibly moving forward. Four years after her husband’s death, she still did not achieve financial stability, but was already able to think of Mark “without pain”. “And yet, she admits, if I hear one song on the radio (their favorite song was“ My Eccentric Valentine ”), I fill with tears.”