As in the case of other heavy losses, it is impossible to say how and when you will be able to recover from her. Although friends and relatives may believe that after a year you have already “gone through it,” you are unlikely to agree with them. A survey of 300 women who lost spouses, found that grief is experienced much longer than expected. Most of the widows, according to the researchers, “relatively well adapted” after four years.
The period of time that you will need to cope with your grief depends on your individuality, for example, on how quickly you master changes, because your spouse could occupy a central place in your life; the circumstances of his death matter (whether it was sudden or happened after a long illness), how much you are supported by friends and relatives, whether there were subsequent losses that could dispel the old grief.
Young widows additionally experience the injustice of loss. “Who would have thought, exclaims psychologist from Philadelphia Marion Frank, Ph.D., who was widowed at 23, her husband died in a plane crash. It does not fit in the head. You can experience the feeling of a terrible injustice of what happened, a feeling bordering on anger. ”
But every woman experiences this grief in her own way. Melissa’s life has essentially stopped for the days, weeks, and months that followed her husband’s death. She could not eat and suffered from insomnia. She either grabbed at things with maniacal activity, or was unable to move. She cried all the time. Sometimes she was amazed at the kind of anger strangers cause for her, "because they live in peace, while the tragedy completely changed the life of my family."
Outside of grief, she had to settle practical issues. She suddenly turned into a single mother with two children, one of whom had not yet grown out of diapers, and the other was inconsolable due to the loss of her beloved daddy. Although her husband left her some money, Melissa knew that she needed to find a way to increase the budget: “At three o'clock in the morning I usually woke up, sat in bed and thought:“ My God, how should I proceed? ”
And she realized that while time gradually tightens the wound, you are moving forward imperceptibly. Four years after her husband’s death, she was still not financially stable, but was already able to think about Mark “without pain.” “And yet, she confesses, it costs me to hear one song on the radio (their favorite song was“ Freaking My Valentine ”) as I burst into tears.”