Divorces without looking for the guilty

"It's obvious that the attitude toward divorce has become more tolerant," says Diane Medved, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist from Santa Monica, California, and the author of "The case against divorce." In some sectors of society, divorce became almost a fashion. Although most people are reluctant to put up with them, she admits, but they do not necessarily perceive a divorce as a tragedy. "
Dr. Ahronz agrees. "The fact that the concept of divorce, not on the basis of someone's guilt, has received widespread approval, is a recognition that two people have the right to terminate a marriage if they deem it necessary. And do not look for the guilty to get the right to divorce, there is no need for accusations of adultery or spiritual cruelty, says Dr. Ahronz, who co-authored the book "After the divorce: how to cope with problems and re-marry." Currently, the most common cause is the separation of spouses, loss of communication between them. This means that what the family's life was based on whether it was money, raising children, keeping the house, in fact, is not so important. It all boils down to one thing the couple broke off, they have different core values. "
Today, divorce has become more acceptable from the point of view of society, it is easier to achieve, but this does not mean that divorce is easy. On the contrary, this is one of the most difficult experiences that can be in your life. The consequences of his influence for many years, regardless of who was the initiator of the divorce.

WHEN THE INITIATIVE COMES FROM YOU

"It's not always easy to maintain the sympathy of friends and family members if the divorce initiative comes from you, especially if your husband is a good guy, says Dr. Ahronz. And in a benevolent attitude you need at this time more than ever. "
Women feel very responsible for the pain that divorce is brought to their husbands and children. They consider themselves selfish and suffer greatly from feelings of guilt.
"On the other hand, the one who leaves is usually more likely to adapt than the one left, explains Dr. Ahronz. This is because the person who filed for divorce survived most of the pain before parting. He felt a lot when making a decision, and when it's time to part, he can better control himself.
Sometimes years pass before a person decides to divorce, continues Dr. Ahronz. A woman sees that the marriage was unsuccessful, she again begins to learn, or finds a job, or tries herself in other activities, even enters into extramarital affairs in an attempt to find someone who would sympathize with her requests. Gradually she begins to draw a picture of her divorce in her imagination, as it would be, that she would feel where she could move to live and even how she would furnish a new dwelling. This is an attempt to normalize the process of divorce. "