Rare meetings this is not enough
Although a woman may not admit it, after a while she will inevitably be faced with the fact that she is “another” woman in the life of her man. Someone turns out to be the first. Understanding this comes slowly, but always brings pain.
“I almost always felt bad, admits 32-year-old Linda Friel, who broke a bond with a married man who was 15 years older than her. It took me over a year to understand why I did it. He spent every day with his wife, and in this part of his life he rejected me. I waited for him to make a choice. He has already done it. He chose her. I was at the back of his life. I got what was left after my wife, children, his work and his environment. I was a secret he was ashamed of. I had to admit that I felt bad, because I was rejected as a woman with whom I want to be with every day. I could not bear it.
Oddly enough, Linda concludes in conclusion, I believe, like many other women in a similar situation, that played a positive role in preserving his marriage. For more than two years, it was I who made his family life tolerable. ”
But what makes another woman's life tolerable? “She is adapting. Those who decide to save the marriage, helps self-confidence, says Dr. Bitner. And friends. You need to be very busy, your life should be filled in addition to communicating with him. You need a job, so that you are absorbed in it and not lose confidence in yourself. You should know that you can entertain yourself at Christmas, Easter and other holidays. You have your own funds. You live your life, and it is only its appendage. This is the only behavior that works. ”
Cindy Merrville lives 300 miles from her lover, whom she sees once or twice a month. “Since we live in different cities, I completely control myself. If I had seen him every day, I would have been immersed in the experience all the time, and it would have ended badly, ”she admits.
She does not count the days until the next meeting. She successfully makes a career, collects antiques, grows and exhibits Persian cats, teaches horse riding. “I lead a very busy, active life, and I am happy,” she says. Essentially, my novel complements my basic life. If we saw each other regularly, I could not count on such an attitude towards myself, and my pride would suffer. ”
Linda Friel also leads an active life, but it was not enough for her. “I spent more time with a loved one than most women in such situations. We worked together and therefore often saw each other, but it was difficult for him to leave the house at night, on weekends and holidays for at least an hour. Although I loved him with all my heart and continue to love, this was not enough for me. I wanted him to belong only to me. I wanted to have a husband and children. He said he was going to leave his wife, but after two and a half years everything was still the same. ”