In 1986, a leading specialist in the field of quality research for children in kindergartens sowed horror in the hearts of millions of working women. Jay Belsky, Ph.D., a psychologist specializing in children's developmental research, said his research showed that children who are under the care of other people more than 20 hours a week are at risk of alienation from their mothers, and upon reaching school age they may have behavioral problems.
“This message put me on my guard,” says Lee-Ann D'Andrea, whose 7-year-old daughter remained in the care of others forty-four hours a week. I began to monitor my daughter for signs of alienation, but I did not notice this. However, after everything Belsky wrote, I continued to doubt. Even now, I think about it, and suddenly something bad will happen, and all because I left my daughter in the hands of others all these years. ”
Working mothers and guilt. For many, these concepts go hand in hand. Although some experts disagree with the Belsky core and find weaknesses in his work, other studies have shown that taking care of children in institutions or under the supervision of others does not cause harm and can have its advantages, many parents began to give up with a heavy feeling their children in the care of nannies and kindergartens.
This was shown by a survey of 4,050 people, including 2009 parents, performed by Louis Harris and his colleagues. More than 95 percent of parents said that it was in the best interests of the children to do home education, children grow up calm and friendly, but only a little more than half thought it was real for them, and only 39 percent could allow home education. Only 8 percent said that the preschool education system works “very well”, and 38 percent thought that it works “not so well at all.” And only 25 percent of the total number of respondents, which included not only parents, stated that they believe that children receive quality care while their parents work.
Almost all working mothers feel guilty. Working Mother magazine conducted a survey in which most of the 3,000 respondents said they had bouts of guilt feelings, “similar to pulsating knee pains on an overcast day,” according to counseling interviewer Karin Rubinstein, PhD; most of the respondents noted that the feeling of guilt stemmed from internal discord. What makes people feel guilty? Forty-four percent thought that the reason lies in the lack of time they spend with their children. Speaking frankly, bouts of guilt feelings are outweighed by the sense of pride and satisfaction they receive from work and contributions to the family budget.
But guilt is not necessarily a bad thing. “It gives impetus to the work of the soul, says Ellen Galinsky, a specialist in preschool education, co-chair of the Institute of Family and Work, New York, one of the authors of the book“ Preschool Years ”and several other books on the care and upbringing of children. Guilt is a signal that we do not live as we would like, she says. What we need to do in this situation is to ask ourselves if what we want is real or not? ”
Working women went to work either because they want to work, or because they need to work, and sometimes because of both. In modern society, a working woman is the norm. Of the women who return to work within a year after the birth of their first child, most do it after three months. But many grow up with intentions, like their mothers, to stay at home with their children. There are women who live with the constant presence of the word "must": I must work because we need money; I have to work because work gives me a sense of satisfaction; I have to stay at home, because parents should bring up children.
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