Recovery of life
In her study, Dr. Needle discovers that most people have what she calls the second crisis, when the initial explosion of grief seemed to be left behind and it was time for a long gradual contraction with loss. This second crisis may be even more painful than the first. Something similar to childbirth occurs, only you give a new life to yourself. Creating new behaviors, becoming aware of yourself in a new situation is forcing you to take actions that reinforce your sad feelings, because they remind you of what you have lost.
“The difficulty is that you do not forget about the loss, says Dr. Needle. You are aware of yourself in a new quality, plus a loss. You have lost your future in the form in which it seemed to you before, and you need to make a new idea about it. This is hope. This is life. You can't get through this overnight.
You can perceive as a betrayal of the deceased building a new life for yourself. It’s hard to continue to live because we don’t know how to love a dead person, says Dr. Needle. We think that the only way to change nothing in your life. This is very tempting, because it is easier to leave everything as it is, than to move on to the next stage of experiencing grief, which involves developing a new self-consciousness.
The process of experiencing grief can be as difficult as any job, says Dr. Needle. This is hard work, in which progress can be insignificant, and there are a lot of relapses. Although your grief remains only yours, not like the other, those people who specialize in assisting those suffering from grief suggest using their advice to facilitate reaching the stage of acceptance. ”