In his study, Dr. Needle discovers that most people have what she calls the second crisis, when the initial burst of grief seems to be left behind and it is time for a long gradual contraction with loss. This second crisis can be even more painful than the first. Something similar to childbirth happens, only you give a new life to yourself. Creating new patterns of behavior, self-awareness in a new situation, forces you to take actions that increase your sad feelings because they remind you of what you have lost.
“The difficulty is that you do not forget about the loss, says Dr. Needle. You recognize yourself in a new quality, you plus loss. You have lost your future in the form in which it seemed to you before, and you need to create a new idea about it. This is hope. This is life. You cannot go through it in one night.
You can perceive as building up a new life for yourself in relation to the deceased. It’s hard to keep living because we don’t know how to love a dead person, says Dr. Needle. We think that the only way to change nothing in our lives. This is very tempting, because it is easier to leave things as they are than to go to the next stage of experiencing grief, which involves the development of a new self-awareness.
The process of experiencing grief can be as difficult as any work, says Dr. Needle. This is hard work, in which moving forward can be insignificant, and there are a lot of relapses. Although your grief remains only yours, unlike the other, those people who specialize in helping those suffering from grief suggest using their advice to facilitate the attainment stage. ”