Look at all the other eyes
Envious people are often very angry. They lack confidence, and this affects their relationships with others. “When a woman gets married without feeling like a person, in order to compensate for the disadvantages in the past, she is completely dependent on her husband, says Dr. Glasse, and regards any marriage crisis as a terrible blow.”
“Such women have difficulty in establishing and maintaining friendly relations,” adds Dr. Norton. Close relationships suggest that you feel and express joy about the success of a friend. A woman who is always jealous is unable to feel joy in such cases. Rather, a comparison with a friend will cause offense and bitterness in her, as if a friend with her achievements deprived her of something and, having achieved success, ensured the failure of the envoy. ”
How to stop such destructive emotions? “Well, of course, you can say that you shouldn't be jealous,” says Dr. Norton. It is like asking a person not to worry when he is concerned. Feeling is a feeling, and it is almost impossible to get rid of it, especially if it is envy. We can help people with pain, anger, depression, and frustration. But envy is something comprehensive. Instead of working on feelings, we can try to help a woman take a different look at things. ”
One of the women Dr. Norton worked with, for example, was very jealous of her neighbor. “According to my patient, this woman has beautiful children. They study well, always say the right things, do the right thing, and their parents are very proud of them. The children of my patient could not bear comparison, she says.
I helped her look at things from the other side. I asked her to tell her what she liked about her children. And she honestly called several excellent qualities. Then I asked her: “Could things be worse for them than they really are?” Of course, she immediately understood what I was getting at. Children could become fatally ill or addicted to drugs.
A different view of things also helps to understand the feelings of the person you envy, continues to Dr. Norton. I asked my patient: “Do you think that your neighbor, too, like you, thinks that everything is fine with her? Do you think she envies anyone? I meant that you can always find someone who has more than you. And so what? ”