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Drunk horoscope: how the zodiac signs behave drunk

Пьяный гороскоп: как знаки зодиака ведут себя пьяными

Friday is the time to raise glasses, because there is a long, free life, consisting of Saturday and Sunday. But if you are going to drink surrounded by haplessly familiar people, safety is advised to drop into the passport for the purpose of knowing the date of birth. And then it is not enough.


The consciousness of a drunken Capricorn is calculated by a simple formula: a character in the tenth degree, plus the root of common sense multiplied by minus one. The state comes after the third glass and then does not change, regardless of the amount drunk. Closed and cautious Capricorn drunk turns into the soul of the company, which generously lavishes compliments to others and reacts kindly to the jokes. Do not be fooled! The catch is that this bastard remembers the next morning.


Drunk Aquarius is able to turn the world around, not being exchanged for such trifles as the fulcrum. He grabs a piece of paper and gives birth to divine lines, rushes to the canvas and enters the history of world painting in three strokes, composes revolutionary economic models or creates a new religion. Only now, unfortunately, this no one has ever seen. As well as, in fact, drunk Aquarius. Because usually a little drunk Aquarius says: "You are here, and I went to sleep." And goes to sleep.


If the fish - saw, stay away. If the fish drank a lot - run. Drunk Fish experiences the full range of emotions in four minutes, then repeats this cycle, as long as it is able to move the gills. She had just sobbed in the corner, because no one loved her, and after thirty seconds she was already happily jumping on chairs, waving cowards over her head and throwing her eggs on her drinking companions. And at the same time retells the just heard anecdote from the first person as a story that happened to her just yesterday.


The first rule of drinking with Aries: never drink with Aries. If you are already drinking with Aries, try to plant a sober Aquarius next to you, so that he will take you away in time. Otherwise, you risk waking up in some Leningrad (wherever this city is), after which it will become clear that yesterday you married an elderly Russian teacher and offended a good man in a black hat made of artificial fur. In this case, Aries will sympathetically look at you with absolutely sober eyes and shake your head: "What are you, we are a little bit". Well, if you are Aries, you should keep in mind that other signs have a very strange physiology - they get drunk on alcoholic drinks.


Drunk Taurus always pretends that he is sober. Even if Taurus crawls on the floor like a snail, leaving a wet trace behind it, I'm still sure that the evening has just begun. The Taurus has an unshakable rule: to take everything from life. All the money, all sex and the house - a full cup. This applies equally to alcohol. When you're going to drink together with Taurus, do not save, otherwise you risk hearing something like: "Fool go for vodka - he'll bring one." However, two vodka will not save you either: after them, Taurus will show the world the colorful Bycharu and decrypt everything it can crawl: coffee service, geranium, and your good relations.


The notorious duality of Gemini at the stage of alcoholic intoxication recedes, bringing to the forefront one of the hypostases. And here - how lucky. On-mountain can get out a cheerful kitty with a microphone and a resume "You sing great!" or the gloomy doom of hell, which does not just hate everyone around, but also in every way seeks to destroy them. In the second case, Gemini vis-a-vis risks to learn a lot about his appearance, his abilities and his life decisions. And the next morning Gemini waved his hand - they say, you're crazy, offended? I've been drunk.


Drinking Cancer is the only way to get to know him truly. Arthropod master of disguise in a drunken state is open to the world and, finally, ceases to hesitate. If you roll on spontaneous sex sober Cancer - a problem with an asterisk, then drunk Cancer is already almost in stockings and everything is burning. Of course, the next morning Cancer will again climb into his chitin and will be there in silence, clenching his teeth, suffer.

a lion

Drunk Leo is no different from the Leo from sober. Unless the number of decibels increases in direct proportion to the amount drunk. Sober Lion, telling about his valor, adventures and victories, still sometimes pauses to breathe some air. But the drunk Leo absolutely does not need air. The drunken Lion needs to tell for the hundredth time the story from the series "What I'm Cool, Lord," because in the company of twenty people there was one unfortunate who did not hear this story for some reason.


Why drink Virgo - completely incomprehensible. Perhaps the soul of a drunken Virgin temporarily leaves the body, to wander through the green fields with violets and grazing unicorns. In our same sinful world, the Virgo goes through three obligatory stages: "I'm so drunk" (after the first glass of a cocktail), "I love you so much" (middle of the night) and "Where is aspirin?" (In the morning). A young hungover Deva can discover in the morning that she is no longer a virgin, but she will never remember the details. Very convenient, by the way.


Libra is afraid to drink, but very fond of. Because only in a drunken state they cease, at last, to weigh everything around and come in harmony with the surrounding world. The eternal quest for a bright ideal temporarily ceases, because this is the situation when ugly women do not exist. Silly men, by the way, too. All such darlings, hares and seals, which is completely incomprehensible, how could you wrinkle your nose in the aesthetic rejection of the universe for so many years. However, the next morning Libra remembering how they managed to finish drinking up to the brotherhood with a man from the threshing-crushing technical school becomes unbearably embarrassing. But so that in the morning.


Scorpio drank exactly to the state of courage, and then abruptly brakes, continuing to pour around, while Jesuitally whispering "I have an easy hand." He's lying! The Scorpions have a very, very heavy hand, and they are extremely fond of chattering over how their victims are trying to get on their feet. If you plan on watering Scorpio specifically to, for example, drag him into bed or find out some information, better shoot yourself right away. Because he will say: "Yes, of course, but first give me one more, I'll pour, my hand is light." And then - yes - Leningrad, an elderly teacher and a kind man in a black hat. Drinking with Scorpios is possible only for those who want to become a Yutuba star.


Sagittarius alcoholic. Or a teetotaler. Because Sagittarius's life failed. Or failed. It is not at all clear how to drink with Sagittarius. In the first case, there is not enough health. In the second case, you will die from boredom in about half the lecture about the dangers of drinking alcohol solutions. But anyway, after hitting the table with Sagittarius, do everything as he says. To argue with him is harmful - he will either shoot you or be offended, and the latter is incomparably worse.