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Drunken horoscope: how the zodiac signs behave drunk

Пьяный гороскоп: как знаки зодиака ведут себя пьяными

Friday is the time to raise glasses, because there is a long free life ahead, consisting of Saturday and Sunday. But if you are going to drink in the environment of familiarly familiar people, the safety technique recommends that you look in the passport to your companions in order to find out the date of birth. And then you never know.

Capricorn

Consciousness of a drunken Capricorn is calculated by a simple formula: character to the tenth degree plus the root of common sense multiplied by minus one. The condition occurs after the third glass and then does not change, regardless of the amount of alcohol consumed. The closed and cautious Capricorn in a drunken state turns into the soul of a company that generously squanders compliments on others and good-naturedly reacts to jokes. Do not get fooled! The catch is that in the morning this bastard Remembers Everything.

Aquarius

Drunk Aquarius is able to change the world, not exchanging for such trifles as a fulcrum. He grabs a piece of paper and gives rise to divine lines, rushes to the canvas and with three strokes enters the history of world painting, composes revolutionary economic models or creates a new religion. Only, unfortunately, no one has ever seen this. As, actually, drunk Aquarius. Because usually a little drunk Aquarius says: "You are here, and I went to bed." And he goes to sleep.

Fish

If the fish is a saw, keep your distance. If the fish drank a lot - run. Drunk Fish experiences a full range of emotions in four minutes, after which it repeats this cycle, until it is able to move its gills. She just sobbed in the corner, because no one loves her, and after thirty seconds she already happily jumps around the chairs, swinging her shorts over her head and throwing caviar at her companions. And at the same time retells the first-person anecdote just heard as the story that happened to her just yesterday.

Aries

The first rule of drinking with Aries: never drink with Aries. If you already drink with Aries, try to plant a sober Aquarius next to you, so that he will take you in time. Otherwise, you risk waking up in some Leningrad (wherever this city is located), after which it turns out that yesterday you married a middle-aged Russian teacher and offended a good person in a black faux-fur hat. At the same time, Aries will sympathetically look at you with absolutely sober eyes and shake his head: "Why are you so, we're a little bit." Well, if you are an Aries, you should keep in mind that other signs have a very strange physiology - they get drunk from alcoholic beverages.

Taurus

Drunk Taurus always pretends that he is sober. Even if Taurus crawls on the floor like a snail, leaving behind a wet trail, you are still sure that the evening has just begun. In Taurus there is an unshakable rule: take everything from life. All the money, all the sex and the house - a full bowl. This applies equally to alcohol. If you are going to drink together with Taurus, do not save, otherwise you risk hearing something like: "Let's go for vodka - it will bring one." However, two vodkas will not save you either: after them, Taurus will reveal to the world of beautiful Bychar and not find everything you can crawl through: a coffee set, geranium, and your good relations.

Twins

The notorious duality of Gemini at the stage of intoxication recedes, bringing to the fore one of the incarnations. And here - how lucky. A funny little cat with a microphone and a summary "You sing great!" or the dark fiend of hell, which not only hates everyone around, but in every way seeks to destroy them. In the second case, the Gemini counterpart risks to learn a lot about his appearance, his abilities and his life decisions. And in the morning the Twin will wave his hand - they say, are you crazy, offended? I was drunk.

Crayfish

Drinking Cancer is the only way to truly know him. Arthropod master of disguise when drunk is open to the world and, finally, no longer shy. If you roll on the spontaneous sex of a sober Cancer - a problem with an asterisk, then a drunk Cancer is almost in some stockings and the whole is burning. Of course, in the morning, Cancer will climb into his chitin again, and there will be silently, having clasped his teeth, to suffer.

a lion

Drunk Leo is no different than Leo from sober. Is that the number of decibels increases in direct proportion to the amount drunk. The sober Lion, telling of his valor, adventures and victories, still sometimes pauses to breathe in some air. But drunk Leo the air is completely useless. For a hundredth time, a drunk Leo needs to tell a story from the series “how awesome I am, Lord,” because in a company of twenty people there was one unfortunate person who for some reason did not hear this story.

Virgo

Why drink Virgos - completely incomprehensible. It is possible that the soul of a drunken Virgin temporarily leaves the body in order to wander through green fields with violets and grazing unicorns. In our sinful world, Virgo goes through three obligatory stages: “I'm so drunk” (after the first glass of cocktail), “I love you so much” (middle of the night) and “Where is aspirin?” (In the morning). A young hungover Virgin can find out in the morning that she is no longer a virgin, but she will never remember the details. Very convenient, by the way.

Libra

Scales are afraid to drink, but they are very fond of. Because only in a drunken state, they cease to finally weigh everything around and come into harmony with the outside world. The eternal search for the luminous ideal is temporarily stopped, because this is the very situation when there are no ugly women. Stupid men, by the way, too. All such darlings, hares and seals, which is completely incomprehensible how it was possible for so many years to wrinkle their nose in the aesthetic rejection of the Universe. True, the next morning, Libra recalls how they managed to finish drinking brotherhood with a man from the threshing-crushing technical school, which becomes unbearably embarrassing. But so in the morning.

Scorpio

Scorpio gets drunk exactly to the state of courage, and then dramatically slows down, continuing to pour others, while at the same time Jesuitly whispering "I have a light hand." He's lying! Scorpions have a very, very heavy hand, and they extremely love to laugh at the way their victims try to get on their feet. If you plan to water the Scorpion specifically, for example, to drag him to bed or find out some information, it is better to shoot yourself right away. Because he will say: "yes, of course, but first come one by one, I pour, my hand is light." And then — yes — Leningrad, an elderly teacher and a kind man in a black hat. You can drink with Scorpios only for those who want to become a YouTube star.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius alcoholic. Or sober. Because Sagittarius life is not successful. Or a success. Generally it is not clear how to drink with Sagittarius. In the first case, not enough health. In the second case, you will die of boredom in about half of the lecture on the dangers of alcohol consumption. But be that as it may, once at the table with Sagittarius, do everything as he says. It’s bad to argue with him - he will either shoot you, or he will be offended, and the latter is incomparably worse.