My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories

Yes, before times were! Condom cost 3 kopecks, pie with jam 5 cents: This is how to 8 cents take a walk, it was possible!
Antipolitic tablets. Just two tablets - and the village is free!
It turns out that the longer the nose of a snow woman, the more vitamins it contains.
It turns out that the trees before the New Year are trying to look as bad as possible.
They say that Santa Claus, in order not to get sick, is wiped off in the morning by snow women.
After drinking, I'm always kind ...
Therefore, the wicked never saw me.
And if Ukraine allows the importation of American legs, will it be possible to withdraw troops from Iraq?
To shoe a flea is very Russian: very thin and absolutely useless work.
Girls: if the new relationship frightens you, you are afraid to experience the frustration in feelings, if you can not trust a man - to start fuck.
Boris Moiseyev still became a singer, although it seemed that nothing prevented him from remaining a good dancer.
Many Russians continue to bury their savings in rubles.
The Association of Teachers of Higher Educational Institutions has increased the salary twice ... now students are giving the session 4 times a year.

- Boys! As in Minsk everything is expensive! Matches from the hands sell, boxes 10 bucks!
Two grenade throwers are talking: - And will you do an elephant from a "fly"? - Easily!
She: - Well, where is your money ?! You wrote that "mat.prosechen" "!" He: - Fuck! What else in the cunt money, stsuka? Fuck you !!!
What do married women do in the morning with their ass? They smear her a sandwich and send her to work!
"Honey, every time you give me a handkerchief." Do you have any fantasies or no money? "And what shall I give you, snotty?"
As it became known, there are two buttons on the nuclear suitcase. One button is "Yes". And the second "Oh - no, damn it! Well, öklmn!".
Ad. Express-method of studying the French language planting in Marseilles without money, food and documents ...
There is a group sex ... Two peasants are staring at a woman standing by cancer - one she is making a blowjob, the other is fucking her in the ass. The first one says: - Something does not bother me - let's change! Second: - No problem - change ...
- What is "live beer"? - This beer, which lives in the body with its life: walks, wanders, decides where to go ...
"Why are so many Negroes moving to Detroit?" - They heard that there is no work ...
"Yesterday I found drugs in my son's briefcase." Ten years old boy, and he is already dragging out of the house!
The time for exams came ... Young people reached out in the church ...
Yesterday in Lefortovo prison there was a meeting of graduates.
Ilya Muromets left in a clean field, he sees that there are three roads in front of him ... Ilyushenka became thoughtful, twisted 100 bucks into a pipe, and sniffed all three.
In the pharmacy: - To me, please, two packages of condoms and Fastum-gel ... - This is who are you so fuck going ?!
On September 1, throughout Ukraine, thousands of first-class students boarded the desks for illiteracy.
- Girl, how are you today? - Now I'll look at the calendar ...
The task: to prepare 1 liter of tomato juice is 3 kg of tomatoes. The question is: why did not anyone eat these tomatoes?
"I bought some new air corn yesterday." - So how is it? "I did not go further than the toilet."
A woman on the track broke the car. Opening the hood, she looked at the engine for a long time. And she wondered what to cook for dinner tonight.
In Liechtenstein, a football tournament was held among courtyard teams. The winner received the right to play with the Russian team.
- How to solve problems? - First you use the Gingerbread method ... You try to negotiate. "And if it does not help?" "Then try the Knuth method." You explain this with the help of force! - Well, if it does not help? - There remains the Ostrich method ... - It's like? "Hide your head and put your ass down!"
"Do not eat me, bear." Me along the bogs swept, the barns scraped - shorter the dust, dirt, glass, bullheads.
- Vladimir Vladimirovich - again they write about you, that you are walking along corpses! - Glebka, these are naive people ... They do not even understand that I'm walking no longer in corpses, but directly in biomass!
Theater. There is a play. There is a dark and grave silence in the hall, only the actors are playing ... And then a shout from the first rows: "Doctor, is there a doctor in the hall?" From the mezzanine: "Yes, I am a doctor!" - Colleague - what the fuck are they showing us ?!
A student studying the Russian language came to Russia to improve. After returning the teacher of the Russian speaks to him: - Well, I see that you have learned many new words. But some you misuse. - And what is not so, in kind? - Here, for example, the names of fingers ... List! - It's elementary. Big, index, joke ... - It's not right. This finger is called medium. - That's how? And I have a calf alone, when we were at the cinema sitting, says - it seems to me that your joke went too far ...
The wedding night. It turns out that the young woman has already lost her innocence. The spouse sits sad, then asks: - And what, you did not want to marry a girl at all? - Of course I did, dear ... I tried, I tried, but at eleven I do not register.
Grandchildren dialed a phone number and shouted into the receiver: - Hello, grandfather! Hello! Yes it's me! How do you feel? The pressure is low. How many shows? This weather is changing ... Does the joints ache and the battle scars hurt? Exactly, tomorrow it will be pouring rain ... Is it still shooting in the ear? To the thunderstorm is ... The nose itches to cold snap. How many times did he sneeze? Five times in a row! Well, it means that the heat will drop five degrees ... Well, granddad, goodbye ... For now, I say! Once ... The commercial break ends ... Yes ... Yes ... Of course, I'll call you again tomorrow from work. At the same time ... I kiss you too. Be healthy! Grandson put down the receiver and told the director of the radio station: "Did you hear?" When advertising ends, air a weather forecast ...
A drunk man enters a hairdresser and asks the master: - How much does it cost to cut your hair? - 240 rubles. - I do not understand - but without blow job?
The night, the wind, the frigid cold, the muzhik is walking along the road and he wants to shit so badly that he's about to croak ... Suddenly he sees a bar, runs over there - and there's a people's house, music, somebody dancing, and a staircase to the second floor. Well, the man hits a bullet through it - and there's an empty room and a hole in the middle ... Well - Th do? The guy stumbled, poked - and raided it powerfully. Uffff ... pleased, relaxed down descends, thinks - I'll miss a glass of cup ... And THERE IS EMPTY !!! Muzhik, surprised: - And where did all this go? !! A voice from behind the bar: - Where were you when the shit hit the fan? ..
"What kind of people are they coming with us?" Asks the foreigner in the crowded bus. "They are the masters of the country!" "Who did it?" - He points to the "seagull" that drove them around. "And these are servants of the people!"
- Where is the border between communism and developed socialism, and also between developed socialism and just socialism? - The first is the Kremlin wall, the second is the Moscow district road.
Soviet working delegation in America. "Whose plant is this?" - Ford. - Whose cars are these? - Workers. American working delegation in the USSR. "Whose plant is this?" "It belongs to the workers." "Whose car is this?" - Director of the plant.
Good doctor Aibolit, he sits under a tree. Come to him to heal and the cow and nice too come))
- A little girl asks her mother: - And when I'm out I'll be so much like you? - Yes, donja. - And then zat zat ...
A girl sits in a sandbox, and a teddy bear's tear. Suits mezhik: - Girl, what do not you like animals? - Yes, you know, uncle, I and people are not very ...
- Why do married men get fat? - The bachelor comes home at night, looks in the fridge, sees what he has there and goes to bed with grief. And the wife comes home in the evening, looks in the bed, sees what's in it and goes to the fridge with grief.
Three friends are talking ... - I hired my wife the most fashionable masseur, he only massages her for two thousand dollars a month, - says one. - I hired my bodyguard for a wife - the world champion in karate, says the second - And I ... I do not have much money so I fuck my wife myself, - says the third
- I want to return your rubber woman back. "You did not like her?" - I liked .... - Is she ugly? - Beautiful ..... - And why then return? - Does not give......
An Englishwoman, a Frenchwoman and a Russian are discussing what a male member looks like. Englishwoman: - I think that a member looks like a gentleman - at the sight of a lady gets up. Frenchwoman: - And in my opinion he is like a gossip - goes from mouth to mouth. Russian: - No, it looks like a rocket - it slowly rises, rises, rises ... and goes to the pid!
Chukchi arrived in Moscow, and without a wife bored - decided to remove the woman. I went to the hotel and took off. They have lost their lives, the Chukchi pulls out a sack and drops out the golden nuggets, trinkets ... The woman's eyes are on her forehead, thinks: "If he pays such money at once, then what will he do for the second one?" He asks the Chukchi: "Do you want to?" Chukchi says "I want!". They have been fucking still, the woman is looking-Chukchi pushes everything back into the sack. She asks: "Man, are you going to pay anyway?" And the Chukchi responds: "However, my wants - my pays, your wants - yours pays."
The girl and the boy are playing in the courtyard ... Boy: - and I have a typewriter ... Girl: - and I have this ... Boy: - and I have a ball like that ... Girl: - and I have one ... A boy (pondering and suddenly enlightened face): - and I have what's there ... The girl in tears runs home to complain to her mother
The Union of Belarus and Russia is similar to the union "Tatu".
Like they love each other, but there is no future!
I recognize for everyone the right to do everything that is not harmful to me.
A decent fisherman will get to know each other for a mutual pleasure with a very respectable fisherman, so as not to catch anything.
I, too, in my youth thrashed nails!
A mistakenly typed phone number is never busy ...
But in the Ministry of Culture - try and get through!
Guests are divided into two types: some try to leave home early, while others try to stay longer. As a rule, representatives of both types are married to each other.
January 13 is the day of the last exam of the New Year's Eve for all those who fell on the previous ones.
Announcement: The boiler room is urgently needed for the lowered programmer.
The reason follows the investigation - this is when the doctor goes behind the coffin of the patient.
The Kalashnikov assault rifle ...
Large, convenient shop.
Tragedy! At the concert of Nadezhda Babkina, two people fell under a dance!
In Russian there is a wonderful word of three letters ...
And it means "no", but it is written and pronounced quite differently.
Women! While your child is trying to persuade the Christmas tree to get light - make sure that your husband does not persuade the Snow Maiden herself!
Stay with us! It's about money!
... Children under the age of five go to the circus on their hands.
A question for connoisseurs: if you weld a mermaid, what kind of broth will it be - fish or meat?
Moses for forty years led the Jews in the occupied Palestinian territories ...
Yesterday I was alarmed by the appearance of the sign "Only straight" at the entrance to the cemetery.
Winter. Estonian first-graders rush to the first in their life call ... Late guys ... But do not worry, the call is also late!
- Can you imagine how progress progressed ... - It's you for what? - Previously, to cause rain, the shaman beat the tambourine or sacrificed virgins ... - And now? - It is enough to wash the car ...
One friend says to another: - Yesterday my stomach twisted so much that I did not even go to work. "That stomach was upset?" - Got upset?! This is said softly. Apparently, he was just hysterical ...
"Girl, what are you doing?" - I study at vocational school, in asperanture ....
The young pirate approaches Captain Flint and says: "Captain, I got a blue mark ... I know that the black mark means I'll be killed soon, but what blue means, I do not know!" "Nothing good either," Flint said.
From life. Gypsum plant. According to the technology, a washing powder was used as a blowing agent at one of the manufacturing stages. To prevent it being stolen, red paint was added to it. And here is the picture: you are walking along the village - and everywhere the pink clothes are being dried ...
Petrov three days as a doctor. Ivanov for twenty years as a patient. What will win - youth or experience?
- Hi! How are you? Let's get acquainted. I'm called Vadik ... "" Vadik, sonny, when will you stop drinking! "
New mobile game "Antilohotron." Are not you tired of these divorces? Send a message "нелох" to number 7745. The more messages - the steeper you are not loh! Hurry up !!
Waiting for the meeting, I'm sitting on the bench. Next to me is a girl with a completely sad and pensive face. Passing young people, apparently, decided to get acquainted: - Deeeevushka! You probably never in life were more beautiful than today! .. The girl, without looking up, says thoughtfully and sadly: - Yes, and the monthly until this day were regular ...
- How do American astronauts differ from our cosmonauts? - Our took off, and work. And their after-flight climbs out into space, they look where the wing is dented, where the headlight is broken ... And then until the end of the flight they think how to return to Earth.
Good advice to pretty girls. If you suddenly did not have a cocktail dress to go to the high society party - it does not matter. Take the usual - and pour on it a cocktail.
On the statement that the fucked-up is "multidimensional statue of the realty, rossiblу beragring and hеаvу nеgаtivе соnnоtаtiоn" - none of those present in the hall of Russian-speaking listeners even objected ...
The Ukrainian girl found a little flower and whispered to him: - Fly, fly, through the west to the east, across the north, through the south, return, making a circle, just touching the ground, DIRECTLY SALM OBERNS!
The Cossack comes to the store of small things and is looking for something. Grandfather leaves and asks: - What do you want, dear? - Yes, here, the mice wound up ... Grandfather gives a pipe and a mouse figure. "You'll play on the pipe, and you'll throw the mouse into the sea-and there's no mice like that." The next day the Cossack resorted to all the disheveled. Grandfather leaves. - What, did not help? - Yes, I want to buy a Chechen figure!
"Niazil", "rzhunimagu", "in Bobruisk!" - normal, like, comments .... Yes - but it's the same professional responses to my candidate's!
His wife fills out an autobiography for a job, and asks her husband lying on the couch: "What about the place of birth?" - Yeah, you still draw it ...
Nightmare of a sysadmin. Yesterday I had a dream: I took the girl out on the street, brought it, laid it and saw that I had RJ45, and she had a coax. And there is no adapter!
- Girl, you are charming charming! Looking at you, I want to write poetry! - A Th! Muse, fuck!
According to the data of the sociological agency "A couple of questions" - if in any survey or test as one of the options to include "fuck you" - then the majority of respondents (more than 80%) tend to this option ...
Appeared on the programmer on Thursday no. The boss asks him: - Where were you three days ?! - Yes, so, pokorolesili with boys on the weekend ... - What, again took the vodka and went to the girls? !! - Yes, no - took the chickens and went into the forest ... - This is for the weekend ... And I ask you, where were you these three days? !!!! - So it's ... Chicken flu was treating ...
- Excuse me, but where does your husband work? "In the crematorium ..." "And what's he doing there?" - I'm burning!
- A young man - well, so, you sold your kidneys, liver, bone marrow, two liters of blood, 55% of the skin and the right eye for transplantation ... How are you going to live on your own? !! - And what? Ten bucks is not superfluous ...
The familiar doctor told ... It was at the dawn of my medical practice. I make a detour, I see: a little girl, about five or six, says: "And Ivanov used to say abusive words when they woke him up!" I, in my youth, are naive still, I'm interested: - And what? - Come smell! Next to the window sits a boy and, lazily picking his nose, notices: - Yes, do not "smell" - but "fuck"!
Sweet blonde 90-60-90, lips with a bow, eyes large blue, height 175, will sell a cardan shaft from the Zhiguli
- Tell me, please, how much time? "Ten minutes." - Without ten what? - Fuck knows, the little arrow fell off.
- Girl, please tell me, how much time? "One hour, fifty dollars."
A sexy girl of three years will invite a wealthy man no older than five years. Have toys.
A peasant is running along the platform behind the departing train ... Some people shout to him: "It was necessary to come to the station earlier!" - Earlier, earlier ... For the second day I'm running ...
Vasya comes home and sees his wife in bed with a plumber - and starts immediately resenting: - This can not be! Aren `t you ashamed! We have such big debts everywhere - in a butcher's shop, for a telephone, in a beer department, for electricity - and you start paying with a plumber!
Take the children and take a ride on the beach, - this is the order that I received at about 10-00. "So I bought two sunblock, for children in a green tube, and you are in orange," said the wife and handed me the bedding, "take the creams in the bathroom." Oh, the beach, the beach. I did not know that now bras to swimsuits, they do not let out any more. I understand that they just sell panties, and everyone walks along the beach in them. And here, at the sight of the first three boobs, a thought crept into my easily excitable head: - Will not my root stand up, but if it gets up, what will I do? Having received from a small typewriter in the crotch, I calmed down, with such jokes, when the bumper and the eggs, fig that I will stand up. Here is the class, the sun, water and boobs. Again boobs, boobs everywhere. Children were densely smeared with cream from a green tube. I rubbed my pale white body with cream from an orange tube. Tits ... everywhere tits. And here, my body said: - In short, enough to endure, and sharply, on mighty raised my penis, towards the sun. The reaction was immediate, I turned abruptly on my stomach. "Papa, can you show the dolphin?" The fellow asked cunningly. At the moment, I could show only the elephant, who had a log stuck in the trunk. Meters in five from me, a wonderful creature landed. Just do not take off my bra, it's the only thing I asked of her. Size 3 or 3.5 with papillae upturned appeared to my gaze. At that moment it even seemed to me that my body did not touch the litter. - Ilyusha, but you can dig a hole near the litter, - very carefully, I asked the small one. He really liked this idea, and he happily began to dig a hole for his father. When the hole was ready, I changed my dislocation in a plastic way. How nice to put your cock in a cool hole. I lay with my ass to the sun, with a member in the hole, and the children frolicked around the water. All would be well, but there was only one problem, a member of the well, either did not want to come to a state of tranquility. In addition, I wanted to go to the toilet. The sun was baking so that my back warmed to the boiling point. I asked the little one to lubricate me very densely, behind, with a cream that will protect me from the scorching sun rays. I lay there and realized that I could not continue for so long, I had to change something radically. And the ingenious plan, well, it seemed to me then, arose in my overheated head. Before the water was 5-7 meters is not more, it is necessary only for everything, to dig a trench into the water, well, there is my salvation. In my ear, in a conspiratorial tone, I told my plan to my little, well, like, let's dig a trench, on it the water will go into a hole and there we will have a pool. Small looked at me strangely, and gave me a condition, or I tell the whole story of my insolent plan, or he will take his shovel and go to his sister, leaving me with a member in the pit. I had to, in general terms, devote small to the physiology of the structure of the penis, and also, literally thesis, explain the effect of tits of the third size on the increase in pressure in the appendage, called pussy. Small listened very attentively to me, and saying that he had the same garbage in the mornings, with a great understanding of my problem, began digging a trench from me to the water. I was lying with a member in the hole and was already calmly examining the third-size sis. Here it is, here it is the moment of salvation, the trench is ready, it remains for me to creep into the water. As you can understand, I could not crawl to the water, and so I offered my son a game, like he shoots at me, and I wound up crawling to the water, where he will finish me. To which the young man is quite reasonable, he asked: "And what about all the wounded, the pinch in this condition?" I lied to my son, nodding my head affirmatively. I crawled, slowly, because I'm wounded. The member occasionally touched the bottom of the trench, clinging to some roots. The fellow shot me out of the shovel and threw sand pellets into me. "But anything, if only to crawl to the water, there's my salvation," I thought, slowly approaching the coveted reservoir. "Could you open a beer for me?" Sounded over my ear. I slightly turned my head, the third size breasts looked at me point-blank. The member touched the bottom of the trench. Small stopped shooting. That's the class, I'm like an idiot crawling along the sand with a standing member in the trench, and I unobtrusively asked to open a beer. Trying not to lose self-control, I said that now I will slightly dip and help. Perfect creation pouted the sponge. And here, my friend realized that the folder needed help, and he very loudly and distinctly said: "Auntie, my papa is now very large, I even dug him a trench for pussy until the very water, he now crawls to the water and then You will help. People within a radius of ten meters somehow strangely quieted down. I just clenched my teeth and crawled to the water. After, I certainly helped the third-size tits with beer. The most terrible thing awaited me when I came home. The legs behind and back were crimson red. To which my wife said that I was a complete brake, and instead of a protective cream, I took a normal moisturizer and very much smeared them on the beach.
Moldovan travel agency "StuckaTour" apiece for anywhere in the world
The Great Patriotic War. The Germans seize the deaf Russian village, built up everyone and the commander says: "We'll shoot all the men ... but women have the opportunity to save their husbands." We'll build the men in a row, we'll take off their pants, we'll blindfold you, and you'll have to determine who your husband is! Do nothing, the women nodded. They built men, lowered their pants, first went. - So this one is not mine, this is not mine, this is not mine, oh, here it is mine! Next: - This is not mine, this is not mine, oh, here it is mine! So a few women passed, the commander thinks: "No, that's not the case, we will not shoot anyone!" We decided to put several German soldiers between the Russians. Put. The following went: - So, this one is not mine, this one is not mine, this one is not mine, this one is not from our village ...
- Do you know why during a thunderstorm the blond women are standing by the window? "...?" "They think they're being photographed!"
They say that an experimental smart elevator has been built. Every time you make a trip in it, he says in a pleasant female voice everything that is written on the walls.
Mike Tyson tells Cinderella: - And after the 12th blow your head will turn into a pumpkin.
"The clock has eight arrows, four of them show the time, the rest - spare, to confuse the probable enemy." There is a special arrow for the time "h." The arrows are covered with a special compound, through which they glow in the dark and serve to blind the enemy. Radiation is sufficient for radiation damage in a radius of 200 meters.For simplicity, the angle between the hour and minute hands is always equal to the direct All the gears of the watch are made of the most modern transistors and microcircuits.With the manufacture of watches, the best Western technologies are used: explosion welding, riveting with gas, assembly with sober. The gold-plated watch case is galvanized with tungsten, the commander's watch is starting from a half-turn, in the northern regions of the country they are accompanied by a special handle for the plant in the frost, if they get inside the clock of sand, they start working like sand. In the combat situation, the time- And the clock starts ticking.In a critical moment, the commander can throw them toward the enemy. At the same time, the built-in speaker sings with the commander's voice: "Follow me! To attack!" In the dark hours, the whispers say: "Do not be afraid, I'm with you!". Buy commander's watches! It will be the most pleasant hours in your life! "
The male sailor floats away swimming, leaves the parrot and says: Here is the parrot, he's smart, he can see and speak everything. And he left. A lover comes to his wife, it comes to piquancy and a lover offers to take the parrot to the kitchen. Wife: Yes, you that the husband will come back he will tell him, he will understand everything. Lover: Well, let's cut off his tongue, so he would not say anything. Wife: Yes, you that, my husband then all exactly understand. The time dragged on, but more and more. Then the Lover offered: And let's just cover it with a towel. Well answered wife. But let's just engage in extreme sex. How is it? The lover asked. And you zalaz on the chandelier, swing, and when I'm ready I'll give a signal, you and jump. Good!!! But then the voice from under the towels: You better cut my tongue, but this I must see.
"Ichthyander, what's that on your neck chain hangs around?" - A plug from the Titanic ...
- Mom, I do not like my little brother! - Be quiet and eat what they give!
- Mom, Mom, but can I also wear a bra, because I'm already 14 years old !!! "Shut up, son."
The story of the military doctor. Medical examination at the admission to the military school. Cadets one at a time in the nude face the commission. Follow the questions, and instructions - raise your hands, stand on your socks, etc., and at the end of the request to the next young man - raise the penis. It means - raise your hand to make sure that there are serviceable organs necessary for the future officer. The young man clenches his fists and with a brutal expression of his face digs into his dignity and makes a scream as a weight lifter when lifting the bar ... The whole commission - in one voice - is Good !!!
River. On one side of the bear the raspberries eat. The other hare is worth watching - saliva flows, envious. The hare does not stand up and starts hysterically yelling: - Misha! Misha! Mi-isha. The bear throws everything, rushes into the water, swims with all the strength, swims with difficulty, barely climbs ashore all in the mud, catching his breath, asks: "Did the shoe happen?" The hare, squinting, pointing to the opposite bank: - Look what a raspberry on that shore.
Plastic surgery. Breast enlargement by 100% (up to 4 pieces).
Announcement: "My mother-in-law has disappeared. I went to get a beer and did not come back. The one who has found the request to return beer. "
At fear OCHKO is great. People's sign: Exhaustive shouts from the dark gateway will increase if you enter it. Law showbiz: The worse the voice of the singer - the less clothes on it. The ostrich does not have a headache ... It hurts a priest. In the lower reaches of the Volga, a boy was found, brought up with cancer. Gasi light! We will get acquainted. How to reduce the fees from the police? We need to create another militia! Then because of the competition, prices will inevitably collapse !!! ... Sometimes you wake up in the president's chair, you sit and weep, not knowing how you got here ... Today a report on the theme "The revolution opened my eyes" will be read out on the Independence Square. Speaker Viy. During sex, my boyfriend looks like Schumacher, and I'm on Barikello: no matter what I do, he always comes to the finish line first. If you feel that everything is there, but something is missing - then this is non-alcoholic beer.
Roman Viktyuk made a statement at once three plays: "Thunderstorm", "Three Sisters" and "Cherry Orchard" - three women in a thunderstorm stupidly steal cherries.
- Eraser in your pants, and this is an eraser ...
"No, I will not say who you remind me of, pigs like that!"
"She's a clockwork girl!" I even picked up the key ...
"Société Générale?" - Do not fuse!
On the "Bright Way" collective farm, the hens refuse to carry eggs, arguing that it was only yesterday they were already carrying cement and bricks ...
- The management of SurgutGazprom has allocated two gas fields for the development of football in the city ... And already there are results! We are present at the match "Spartak", Moscow - "Gasovik", Surgut. We will not judge "Gasovik" strictly, the team is young, not yet played ... Here's "Gasovik" in the attack! Ronaldo, pass to Rivaldo, Roberto Carlos, go-o-ol !!!
- Crossword. The American president. Three letters, in the middle of "y". - Can not be! "Maybe as much as he can!"
- And you that such a terrible girl? - I was late, and they slipped a penalty!
The doping test of the Colombian marathon runner revealed that he was not a marathoner, but a drug courier.
One blonde asks another: - What do you dream about? - I dream that one day I will meet a fairy who will give me a hundred thousand dollars ... - And why not a million? - Well, a million is unrealistic ...
Pope Benedict XVI read the sermon in the synagogue ... For the whole history of Christianity this is the second visit of the head of the Roman Catholic church of the Jewish prayer house AND FIRST FOR ALL THE HITLER HUGE HISTORY !!!
- Girl, can I meet you? Or is your heart already taken up? - Yes, it's busy! But while the liver, stomach and large intestine are free.
"... That tomorrow, in the diary, the signature was materna!"
- Aramis, my wife began a period. "I'll hold them, nothing!"
The clinic requires an experienced proctologist to get the inexperienced ...
The official appeal of all cinephiles of the world to the citizens of America! Please, observe the rules of visiting the cinema and do not get up while watching, fuck ... We then watch!
Somehow Lieutenant Rzhevsky and Pierre Bezukhov got together for fishing ... They sit, the sun is hot, the birds sing - but they do not bite. And so, and syak - do not bother ... - Pierre, say "Yes!" - says Rzhevsky. - What for? - he is surprised. "And for the process of initiating psychomotor rhetoric ..." Rzhevsky says thoughtfully.
- Honey, let's go look at the stars ... - I will not look at the stars without a condom!
The daughter comes to his father: - Daddy, I need your help ... - Aha! Let me guess, he said that he loves you, then fucked like a whore and quit? - Mmm .. no .. I'm still in third grade ... help math make ...
A man after a strong booze wakes up, looks under the blanket, and someone jerks him there. The peasant looks, looks ... Suddenly he beamed: "Remember the pens, then, oh-ohmyat!
"Do you want me to show the trick?" - Then you will educate yourself!
The company sits, drinks ... Everyone is happy, all is well ... Then one notices: "Damn, the vodka is over ..." The girls looked anxiously ...
Two artists are talking: - I know one beautiful place. Let's take the easel, brushes, paints, palette ... - Let's better two liters!
- Dad, I want a earring in my ear. - Well put it, sonny - who does not allow you ?! - I, Dad, Seryozhka does not allow ...
"Mom, why does not my birthday appear on Friday, the thirteenth?" "Because you were born on the twenty-eighth of June, you idiot!"
- Znayka, tell me - and "half an hour" and "passed" this rhyme? - No, Dunno - not rhyme! - But you dick! Listen: "Before the flight, half an hour, the registration was ...".
Aaaa-A, crocodiles, hippos. Aaaa-A, monkeys, sperm whales. Aaaa-A, and Bobruisk Beavers ...
- Maybe someone knows, what can I do with a pen? - And where did you introduce it?
"There, Ninka is coming!" Cool! - Yes ... frame carbon, rear shock absorber, 27 speeds ...
- Daughter, but how did you get acquainted with Pasha? - In history tomorrow I'll check - but, whether with the words "Hi, how are you?", Or with the words "You swallow?".
A husband came with a pregnant wife to see a gynecologist. He has to wait for her under the study. It turns out after the reception - my husband does not. I was looking, looking, finding him at last under a polyclinic, nervously smoking. - What are you running away? - Yes, I was sitting there waiting for you under the office, I looked at everyone and thought: whoever does not fuck! ...
From life. Once upon a time there was a peasant in one village. The peasant was well-to-do by local standards - he had his own car. True, the Muscovite-401, but nevertheless. A Muscovite-401 with its 26 forces requires a constant and vigorous impact on the gas pedal, so that at least he somehow rode. The peasant constantly reeled in the district center and came up with rationalization. He unhooked the cable from the handbrake and led him to an additional cable of gas. The more the handbrake was pulled out, the faster the car was driving. At some point the car was stolen from the peasant. Disappearance was found the next day stuck in a tree. The investigator established that the car had been refused brakes and the hijacker DURNUL RUCH NIK !!! The man was not so sorry for the car, as I wanted to see the snout of that reptile when he jerked the handle.