My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories
Yes, there used to be times! A condom cost 3 kopecks, a jam pie with 5 kopecks: Well, you could walk for 8 kopecks!
Tablets "Antipolitsay." Only two pills - and the village is free!
It turns out that the longer the nose of a snow woman, the more vitamins in it.
It turns out that Christmas trees before the New Year try to look as bad as possible.
They say, Santa Claus, in order not to get sick, wipe off in the morning with snowmen.
Having drunk, I'm always kind ...
Therefore, I have never been seen evil.
And if Ukraine allows the importation of American legs, it will be possible to withdraw its troops from Iraq?
Shoeing a flea is very Russian: very delicate and absolutely useless work.
Girls: if a new relationship scares you, you are afraid to experience disappointment in feelings, if you are not able to trust a man - have a good time to start having sex.
Boris Moiseyev did become a singer, although it seemed that nothing prevented him from remaining a good dancer.
Many Russians continue to bury their savings in rubles.
The Association of High School Teachers has doubled salaries ... from now on, students take a session 4 times a year.
- Boys! As in Minsk, everything is expensive! Matches from hands sell, boxes of 10 bucks!
Two grenade launchers are talking: - And will you make an elephant from a "fly"? - Easily!
She: - Well, where is your money ?! You wrote that "mat. Provided" !!! He: - Fuck! What else in the pussy money, bitch? Fuck you !!!
What do married women do in the morning with their ass? They smear her a sandwich and send her to work!
- Honey, every time you give me a handkerchief. What do you have: no imagination or no money? - And what are you giving something, snotty?
As it became known, there are two buttons on the nuclear case. One button - "Yes." And the second "Oh, no, damn it! Well, ekkmnn!".
Ad. Express method of learning French by landing in Marseille without money, food and documents ...
There is a gangbang ... Two men are staring at a woman standing with cancer - one she gives a blowjob, the second one fucks her in the ass. The first one says: - Something is not rushing me - let's change! Second: - No problem - change ...
- What is a "live beer"? - This is a beer that lives its own life in an organism: it walks, wanders, decides for itself where it should go ...
“Why are so many blacks moving to Detroit?” - They heard that there is no work ...
- Yesterday I found drugs in my son's briefcase. Ten years old kid, and he already drags from home!
The time has come for the exams ... Young people stretched out in the church ...
Yesterday in Lefortovo prison there was a meeting of graduates.
Ilya Muromets left in a pure field, sees - there are three roads in front of him ... Ilyashenka thought about it, twisted 100 bucks into a tube - and smelled all three.
In the pharmacy: - I, please, two packs of condoms and Fastum-gel ... - Who are you going to fuck so much ?!
On September 1, throughout Ukraine, thousands of first-graders sat at their desks for illiteracy.
- Girl, how are you today? - Now I will look at the calendar ...
The task: 3 kg of tomatoes are used to prepare 1 liter of tomato juice. Question: why no one began to eat these tomatoes?
- I bought some new popcorn yesterday. - So how is it? - Further to the toilet did not fly away.
The woman on the track broke the car. Opening the hood, she looked at the engine for a long time. And wondered what she had to cook for dinner today.
In Liechtenstein, a football tournament was held among yard teams. The winner received the right to play with the Russian national team.
- How to solve problems? - First, the Gingerbread method is used ... you try to agree. - And if it does not help? - Then try the Knut method. You explain it by force! - Well, if that doesn't help either ?! - It remains the method of the Ostrich ... - This is how? - Hide your head and expose your ass!
- Do not eat me, bear. I was swept along the bottom of the barrel, scrubbed across the barns - in short, dust, dirt, glass, gobies.
- Vladimir Vladimirovich - again they write about you that you are walking over the corpses! - Glebka, these are naive people ... They don’t even understand that I’m not walking over corpses, but directly for biomass!
Theater. There is a play. In the hall it is dark and deathly silence, only the actors play ... And then from the first rows there is a cry: - Doctor, is there a doctor in the hall ?! From the mezzanine answer: - Yes, I am a doctor! - Colleague - what the fuck are they showing us? !!
A student studying Russian came to Russia to improve. After returning, the Russian teacher says to him: - Well, I see that you have learned many new words. But some you use wrong. - And why not so, in kind? - Here, for example, the names of the fingers ... List! - Elementary. Big, index, joke ... - Wrong. This finger is called the middle. - That's how? And I was one girl, when we sat in the cinema with her, she says - it seems to me that your joke has gone too far ...
The wedding night. It turns out that the young has already lost innocence. The spouse sits sad, then asks: - What, you really did not want to marry a girl? - Of course I did, darling ... I tried, I tried, but at eleven years they do not register.
Vnukov dialed the phone number and shouted into the phone: - Hello, grandfather! Hello! Yes it's me! How do you feel? The pressure is low. How many shows? This weather is changing ... Joints ache and battle scars hurt? Exactly, tomorrow it will be pouring rain ... Still shooting in the ear? To a thunderstorm, this ... Nose itches to a cold snap. How many times did you sneeze? Five times in a row! Well, it means that the heat will fall to five degrees ... Well, okay, grandpa, goodbye ... Bye, I say! There is no time ... The commercial break ends ... Yes ... Yes ... Of course, I'll call you again from work tomorrow. At the same time ... I kiss you too. Be healthy! Vnukov hung up and told the director of the radio station: - Did you hear? When the ad is over, broadcast the weather forecast ...
A drunk man comes to the hairdresser and asks the master: - How much does it cost to get a haircut? - 240 rubles. - I do not understand - and without a blow job?
Night, wind, bitter cold, a peasant is walking along the road and he wants to shit so much that he is about to get around ... Suddenly he sees a bar, runs in there - and there people, music, someone is dancing, and a staircase to the second floor. Well, a man flies a bullet through it - and there is an empty room and a hole in the middle ... Well, what should I do? The guy poked, he shoved, and he got into it powerfully. Uffff ... contented, relaxed, down comes down, thinks - I'll skip a glass ... AND THERE IS NULL !!! Man, surprised: - And where did all go? !! A voice from behind the bar: - And where were you when shit hit the fan? ..
- What kind of people come with us? - Asks a foreigner in a crowded bus. - This is the masters of the country! - And who drove this? - He points to the "tea" that has annihilated them. - And these are servants of the people!
- Where is the border between communism and developed socialism, as well as between developed socialism and simply socialism? - The first is the Kremlin wall, the second is the Moscow ring road.
Soviet working delegation in America. - This is whose plant? - Ford. - And whose cars are these? - Workers. American working delegation in the USSR. - This is whose plant? - It belongs to the workers. - And whose car is it worth? - Directors of the plant.
good doctor Aibolit he sits under a tree. come to him for treatment and the cow and pretty come too))
- A little girl asks her mother: - And when I grow out, will I be like this? - Yes, donya. - A zatsem then zyt ...
Sits a girl in the sandbox, and pvet a teddy bear. My man approaches: - Girl, don't you like animals? - Yes, you know, uncle, I and the people are not very ...
“Why are married men getting fat?” - The bachelor comes home in the evening, looks into the fridge, sees that he is there and goes to bed with grief. A married woman comes home in the evening, looks into bed, sees that he is there and goes to the refrigerator with grief.
Three friends are talking ... - I hired the most fashionable massage therapist to my wife, he only massages her for two thousand dollars a month, - one says. - I hired my wife a bodyguard - a world champion in karate, says the second - And I ... I have little money so fuck my wife myself, - says the third
- I want to get your rubber woman back. “You didn't like her?” - Like .... - She's ugly? - Beautiful ..... - Why then return? - Does not give......
The Englishwoman, Frenchwoman and Russian are discussing what the male member looks like. Englishwoman: - I think that the member looks like a gentleman - at the sight of a lady gets up. Frenchwoman: - But I think he looks like gossip - goes from mouth to mouth. Russian: - No, it looks like a rocket - slowly rises, rises, rises ... and went into the world!
The Chukchi arrived in Moscow, and without his wife it was boring - he decided to remove a woman. Went to the hotel, took off. They fucked, the Chukchi pulls out a bag and dumps golden nuggets out of it, trinkets ... The woman has eyes on her forehead, thinks: "If he pays such money at once, then what will he do for the second?" He asks the Chukchi: "Do you want more?" Chukcha says "I want!". They still have sex, the woman looks - the Chukchi stuffs everything back into the bag. She asks: "Man, are you really going to pay?" And the Chukchi replies: "However, mine wants - mine pays, yours wants - yours pay."
A girl and a boy are playing in the yard ... Boy: - and I have a machine ... ... Girl: - and I have one ... Boy: - and I have a ball ... ... Girl: - and I have one like this ... Boy (having become thoughtful and suddenly enlightened with his face): - and I have that ... Girl in tears runs home to complain to mom
The union of Belarus and Russia is similar to the Tatu union.
They seem to love each other, but there is no future!
I recognize for every person the right to do everything that is not harmful to me.
A decent fisherman will meet for mutual pleasure with a very decent fisherman in order not to catch anything.
I, too, in my youth, pulled the ass nails!
A mistakenly dialed phone number is never busy ...
But in the Ministry of Culture - try to call!
Guests are divided into two types: some try to leave home early, while others linger longer. As a rule, representatives of both types are married to each other.
January 13 - the day of the last exam on the meeting of the New Year for all those who fell on the previous ones.
Announcement: In the boiler room urgently need a down programmer.
The reason follows the consequence - this is when the doctor goes beyond the patient's coffin.
Kalashnikov machine gun ...
Large, convenient store.
Tragedy! At the concert of Nadezhda Babkina, two people were hit by a round dance!
In Russian, there is a wonderful word of three letters ...
And it means “no,” but it is spelled and pronounced quite differently.
Women! While your child is trying to persuade the Christmas tree to light up - make sure that your husband does not persuade the Snow Maiden herself!
Stay with us! This is about money!
... Children up to the age of five go to the circus on their hands.
A question for connoisseurs: if you cook a mermaid, what kind of broth will you get - fish or meat?
Moses forty years led the Jews in the occupied Palestinian territories ...
Yesterday, I was alarmed by the appearance of the sign "Just right" at the entrance to the cemetery.
Winter. Estonian first graders rush to the first call in their life ... The guys are late ... But do not worry, the call is late too!
- Imagine how stepped progress .. - This is what you? - Earlier, to cause rain, the shaman beat a tambourine or sacrificed virgins ... - And now? - It is enough to wash the car ...
One friend says to another: “Yesterday my stomach twisted so hard that I didn’t even go to work.” - What is upset stomach? - Got upset?! That is putting it mildly. Apparently, he was just hysterical ...
- Girl, what are you doing? - I study in vocational school, in asperanta ....
The young pirate comes up to Captain Flint and says: “Captain, they threw a blue mark on me ... I know that the black mark means that they will kill me soon, but I don’t know what the blue mark means!” “Nothing good either,” Flint replied.
From life. Gypsum Plant. According to the technology, washing powder was used as a blowing agent at one of the production stages. In order not to be taken away, red paint was added to it. And here's the picture: you walk along the village - and PINK linen is dried everywhere ...
Petrov three days as a doctor. Ivanov is twenty years old as a patient. What will win - youth or experience?
- Hi! How are you? Let's get acquainted. My name is Vadik ... - Vadik, son - when are you to quit drinking !!!
New mobile game "Antilohotron". Are you not tired of these divorces? Send the message "neloh" to the number 7745. The more messages - the steeper you are not sucker! Hurry up !!
In anticipation of the meeting, I sit on the bench. Next to me is a girl with a completely sad and thoughtful face. Passing by young people, apparently, decided to meet: - Deeeevushka! You have probably never been more beautiful in life than today! .. A girl, without raising her eyes, says thoughtfully and sadly: - Yes, and the periods before this day were regular ...
- What is the difference between American astronauts and our astronauts? - Ours soared, and work. And theirs, after take-off, crawl out into space, they look where the wing is dented, where the headlight is broken ... And then, until the end of the flight, they think how to return to Earth.
Good advice to pretty girls. If you suddenly did not have a cocktail dress to enter the grand reception, it doesn’t matter. Take the usual - and pour a cocktail on it.
To the statement that fucked up is “a multidimentary stat of reelit, rossibel bеrring а hevv reagаtivo сnnоtathio” - none of the Russian-speaking listeners present in the hall even ...
A Ukrainian girl found a scarlet flower and whispers to him: - Fly, fly, petal, across west to east, across north, across south, come back, make a circle, just touch you on the earth, IMMEDIATELY WORTH !!!
A Cossack comes to the shop for trifles and is looking for something. Grandpa comes out and asks: - What do you want, dear? - Why, mice have started ... Grandfather gives a pipe and a figure of a mouse. - At the flute you will play, and throw the mouse into the sea - and there were no mice left. The next day, the Cossack resorts all disheveled. Grandpa is coming out. - What, did not help? - No, I want to buy a Chechen figure !!!
"Niasilil", "LOL", "to Bobruisk!" - normal, like, comments .... Yes - but these are the reviews of my candidate’s professorship!
The wife fills in her autobiography for a job and asks her husband on the sofa: - And what about the place of birth? - Yeah, you still draw it ...
Nightmare sysadmin. Yesterday I had a dream: I took a girl on the street, brought him in, laid him down and I saw - I have RJ45, and she has a coax. And there is no adapter!
- Girl, you are charmingly charming! Looking at you, I want to write poetry! - And what! Muse, fucking!
According to the data of the sociological agency “A couple of questions” - if you include “fuck you” in any survey or test as one of the answers, the majority of respondents (more than 80%) are inclined towards this option ...
The programmer appears on the job on Thursday no. His boss asks: - Where have you been these three days ?! - Yes, yes, we went for a break with the boys on the weekends ... - What, again they took vodka and went to the girls? !! - No, they took the chickens and went to the forest ... - This is for the weekend ... And I ask you, where have you been for these three days? !!!! - So this is ... Chicken flu treated ...
- Excuse me, where does your husband work? - In the crematorium ... - And what is he doing there? - ZhZHOT!
- Young man - well, how is it that you sold your kidneys, liver, bone marrow, two liters of blood, 55% of the skin and the right eye for transplantation ... How can you live now? !! - And what? Ten bucks is not superfluous ...
A familiar doctor told me ... It was still at the dawn of my medical practice. I make a detour, I see: the girl is small, about five or six years old, says: “And Ivanov spoke abusive words when he was woken up!” I, in my youth, still naive, interested in: - And what? - Go smell! Nearby on the window sill sits a kid and, idly picking his nose, remarks: - Yes, don't “smell” - but “fuck”!
Cute blonde 90-60-90, lips bow, big blue eyes, height 175, will sell the driveshaft from the Zhiguli
- Tell me please, what is the time? “Ten to one.” - Without ten what? - Fuck knows, the little arrow fell off.
- Girl, tell me please, what is the time? - One hour, fifty dollars.
A sexy girl of three years old will invite a wealthy man not older than five years. Have toys.
A man runs along the platform behind the train leaving ... Some of them shout to him: “I used to have to come to the station!” - Before, before ... The second day I’m running ...
Vasya comes home and sees his wife in a bed with a plumber - and immediately begins to resent: - This can not be! Aren `t you ashamed! We have such large debts everywhere - in the butcher shop, for the telephone, in the beer department, for electricity - and you begin to pay the plumber!
Take the children and shurui to the beach - such an order came to me at about 10-00. “So I bought two tanning creams, for children in a green tube, and you in an orange one,” my wife said and handed me a litter, “take the creams in the bathroom.” Ah, the beach, the beach. I did not know that now bras to swimsuits are no longer released. I understand that they simply sell panties, and everyone walks on the beach in them. And here, at the sight of the first three tits, a little thought crept into my excitable head: - And if my root does not arise, and if it does, what will I do? Having received from the small machine in the crotch, I calmed down, with such jokes, when I bumper and in the balls, figs that I would get up. Here is a class, sun, water and boobs. Again tits, tits everywhere. The children were thickly smeared with a cream of a green tube. I rubbed my pale white body cream with an orange tube. Boobs ... everywhere boobs. And here, my body said: - In short, enough to endure, and sharply, by the mighty raised my penis, towards the sun. The reaction was immediate, I abruptly turned over on his stomach. “Dad, can you show a dolphin?” Asked the fellow slyly. At the moment, I could show only an elephant, whose log was stuck in its trunk. Five meters from me, a wonderful creature landed. Just do not take off your bra, this is the only thing that I prayed for her. The size of 3 or 3.5 with the papilla upturned up appeared to my gaze. At that moment it even seemed to me that my body did not touch the litter. “Ilya, you can dig a hole near the litter,” I asked very carefully, very carefully. He really liked this idea, and he happily began to dig a hole for his father. When the fossa was ready, I changed my dislocation. How nice to drop your dick in the cool hole. I was lying ass to the sun, with a member in the hole, and the children frolicked around the water. Everything would be fine, but there was only one problem, well, the member didn’t want to come to a state of calm. In addition, I wanted to use the toilet. The sun was so hot that my back was at boiling point. I asked a little to smear me very thickly, from behind, with a cream that would protect me from the scorching rays of the sun. I lay there and understood that I simply could not go on for so long, I must change something drastically. And a brilliant plan, well, it seemed to me that way, it appeared in my overheated head. There was no more than 5-7 meters to the water, you just need everything for everything, dig a trench into the water, well, and there my salvation. In my ear, in a conspiratorial tone, I told my plan to my little one, well, like, let's dig a trench, the water will go into the hole and we will have a pool there. Small somehow strangely looked at me, and gave a condition, or I tell all the ins and outs of my daring plan, or he will take his shovel and go to his sister, leaving me with a member in the hole. I had to, in general, devote small to the physiology of the structure of the penis, and also, literally tezisno explain, the effect of boobs of the third size on the increase in pressure in the process, called pussy. Small listened to me very carefully, and saying that he had the same garbage in the mornings, with a great understanding of my problem, began to dig a trench from me to the water. I was lying with a member in the fossa and was already calmly looking at the third-sized boob. Here it is, here it is a moment of salvation, the trench is ready, I just have to crawl into the water. As you understand, I couldn’t just crawl to the water, and therefore I offered my son a game, like he was shooting at me, and I was crawling to the wounded, where he would finish me off. To which small it is quite reasonable, he asked: - And what about all the wounded, writing in such a state? I lied to my son, nodding my head in the affirmative. I crawled, slowly, because I was wounded. A member occasionally touched the bottom of the trench, clinging to some roots. Small fired at me from a shovel and threw grains of sand at me. - But nothing, just to crawl to the water, there is my salvation, - I thought, slowly approaching the coveted reservoir. “Can you open the beer for me?” Sounded above my ear. I turned my head slightly, third-size boobs looked at me point-blank. Member touched the bottom of the trench. Small ceased to shoot. Here is a class, I like an idiot crawling through the sand with a standing member in a trench, and I unobtrusively asked to open a beer. Trying not to lose composure, I said that now I’ll dive a little and help. The beautiful creature blew her lips. And here, my fellow realized that the folder needed help, and he said very loudly and clearly: - Aunty, my folder now has a very big pussy, I even dug a trench for my pussy to the very water, it will crawl to the water and then will help you. People within a radius of ten meters strangely subsided. I just silently clenched teeth, crawled to the water. After, of course, I helped the third-size boobs with beer. The most terrible thing was waiting for me when I got home. Legs in the back and back were crimson red. To which my wife said that I was a complete brake, and instead of a protective cream, I took an ordinary moisturizer and smeared it very richly on the beach.
Moldavian travel agency "StukTour" apiece to anywhere in the world
The Great Patriotic War. The Germans are seizing a deaf Russian village, they have built everyone and the commander says: - We will shoot all the men ..., but women have the opportunity to save their husbands. We will line up the men in a row, take off their pants, we will tie your eyes, and you must determine who your husband is by x * y! Nothing to do, the women nodded according to. They built men, lowered their pants, the first one went. - So this is not mine, this is not mine, this is not mine, oh, here it is mine! Next: - This is not mine, this is not mine, oh, here it is mine! So a few women have passed, the commander thinks: “No, this will not work, we will not shoot anyone!” We decided to put a few German soldiers between the Russians. Put. Went next: - So, this is not mine, this one is not mine, this one is not mine, this one is not from our village at all ...
- Do you know why during a thunderstorm blondes stand at the window? - ...? - They think they are being photographed!
They say that an experimental smart elevator has been built. Every time you make a trip to him, he says everything that is written on the walls in a pleasant female voice.
Mike Tyson tells Cinderella: - And after the 12th strike, your head will turn into a pumpkin.
"The clock has 8 hands. Four of them show time, the rest are spare ones to confuse a potential enemy. A special hand is provided for the time" h. "The hands are covered with a special compound, thanks to which they glow in the dark and serve to blind the enemy. Dose radiation is sufficient for radiation damage within a radius of 200 meters. For simplicity, the angle between the hour and minute hands is always straight. All the gears of the clock are made of the most modern transistors and microchips. the best Western technologies: explosion welding, gas riveting, assembly sober. The gold-plated watch case is galvanized with tungsten. The commander’s watch starts up with a half turn, in the northern regions of the country they are attached to a special handle for the plant in the cold. like sand. In a combat situation, the time delay mechanism automatically turns on and the clock starts ticking. At a critical moment, the commander can throw them towards the enemy. At the same time, the built-in speaker beeps with a commander's voice: “Follow me! Attack!” In the darkness, the clock whispers say: "Do not be afraid, I'm with you!". Buy watch commander! It will be the most pleasant hours in your life! "
The sailor husband swims away, leaves the parrot and says: Here's a parrot, he's smart, he can see everything and speak. And left. A lover comes to his wife, it comes to piquancy and the lover offers to carry the parrot to the kitchen. Wife: Yes, that you husband will return, he will tell him, he will understand everything. Lover: Well, well, let's cut off his tongue to keep silent. Wife: What are you, my husband will understand everything then. Time dragged on and wanted more. Then the Lover suggested: And let's just cover him with a towel. Well answered wife. But just let's do extreme sex. How is it? The lover asked. And you climb on the chandelier, swing and when I am ready I will give a signal, you and the jumper. Good!!! But then a voice from under the towels: You'd better cut off my tongue, but this I must see.
- Ichthyander, and what is it on your chain hanging around your neck? - Gag from the "Titanic" ...
- Mom, I do not like my little brother! - Shut up and eat what they give!
- Mommy, mommy, and maybe I'll wear a bra too, because I am already 14 years old !!! - Shut up, son.
The story of a military doctor Medical examination for admission to a military school. Cadets, one at a time, appear naked before the commission. Questions follow, and instructions - raise your hands, stand on your toes, etc., and at the end ask the next young man - raise your penis. It means - to lift a hand to make sure that there are intact organs necessary for a future officer. The young man clenches his fists and with a brutal expression on his face, glares at his own dignity and utters a cry like a weightlifter while lifting the barbell ... The whole commission is one voice - GODEN !!!
River. On one side of the bear raspberries eats. On the other, the hare stands watching - saliva flows, jealously. The hare does not stand up and begins to shout hysterically: - Misha !!! Misha !!! Mi-isha. The bear throws everything, rushes into the water, swims out of all forces, swims with difficulty, barely climbs ashore, covered in mud, asks for breath: “Did Sho happen?” The hare, squinting, points to the opposite shore: - Look at some raspberry on the other side.
Plastic surgery. Breast augmentation by 100% (up to 4 pieces).
Announcement: “Mother-in-law is missing. I went for a beer and did not return. The finder, please return the beer. "
Fear has a POINT large. Folk sign: heart-rending cries from the dark alley will intensify if you enter it. Showbiz Law: The worse the voice of the singer - the less clothes on her. The ostrich does not have a headache ... It hurts the butt. In the lower reaches of the Volga was found a boy, brought up by cancer. Extinguish the light! We will meet. How to reduce requisitions from the police? We must create another police! Then, due to competition, prices will inevitably collapse !!! ... sometimes you wake up in the president's chair, you sit and cry, not knowing how you got here ... Today a report on the topic "The Revolution opened my eyes" will be read on the Maidan Nezalezhnosti. Speaker Wii. During sex, my boyfriend looks like Schumacher, and I like Barikello: no matter what I do, he always comes to the finish line first. If you feel that everything is there, but something is missing - this is a non-alcoholic beer.
Roman Viktyuk staged three plays at once: “The Thunderstorm”, “Three Sisters” and “The Cherry Orchard” - three women stupidly steal cherries in a thunderstorm.
- Eraser in your shorts, and this is an eraser ...
- No, I will not tell whom you remind me, pigs such!
- Clockwork she's a girl! I even picked up the key ...
- Societe Generale? - Do not get soaked!
On the kolkhoz "Bright Way", chickens refuse to lay eggs, citing the fact that only yesterday they wore cement and bricks ...
- The leadership of Surgut Gazprom has allocated two gas fields for the development of football in the city ... And there are already results! We attend the match "Spartak", Moscow - "Gazovik", Surgut. We will not judge “Gazovik” strictly, the team is young, still unplayed ... Here is “Gazovik” in attack! Ronaldo, pass to Rivaldo, Roberto Carlos, go-o-ol !!!
- Crossword. American president. Three letters, in the middle of "y". - Can not be! - Maybe even as they can!
- Do you have such a terrible girl? - I was late, and I slipped the penalty!
The doping test of the Colombian marathoner revealed that he was not a marathon runner at all, but a drug courier.
One blonde asks another: - What are you dreaming about? - I dream that once a meeting of a fairy who will give me a hundred thousand dollars ... - And why not a million? - Well, a million is unreal ...
Pope Benedict XVI read a sermon in the synagogue ... In the entire history of Christianity, this is the second visit to the head of the Roman Catholic Church at the prayer house of the Jews AND FIRST FOR THE HISTORY OF HITLEREWEND !!!
- Girl, can I meet you? Or is your heart already taken? - Yes, busy! But while the liver, stomach and large intestine are free.
- ... So that tomorrow in the diary the signature was swearing!
- Aramis, my wife started her period. - I'll hold them, nothing!
The clinic requires an experienced proctologist to get an inexperienced ...
Official treatment of all film fans of the world to the citizens of America! Please observe the rules of going to the cinema and do not get up while watching, shit ... We’ll then watch !!!
Somehow the lieutenant Rzhevsky and Pierre Bezukhov gathered for fishing ... They sit, the sun is hot, the birds are singing - but they don’t bite. And so, and this way - I do not bite ... - Pierre, say "Yes!" - says Rzhevsky. - What for? - he is surprised. “And for the process of initiating psychomotor rhetoric ...” says Rzhevsky thoughtfully ...
- Honey, let's go look at the stars ... - I will not look at the stars without a condom!
Daughter goes to her father: - Dad, I need your help ... - Aha! Let me guess, he said that he loves you, then he fucked like a whore and left? - Mmm .. no .. I'm still in third grade ... help math do ...
A man after a strong drunk wakes up, looks under the covers, and someone is jerking him off there. The man is looking, looking ... Suddenly he beamed: - Remember the pens, they will remember!
- Do you want to show focus? - Then you will educate yourself!
The company is sitting, drinking ... Everyone is having fun, everyone is happy ... Here one remarks: - Damn, the vodka is over ... The girls looked at each other anxiously ...
They talk to two artists: - I know one beautiful place. Let's take an easel, brushes, paints, a palette ... - Let's better two liters!
- Dad, I want a earring in my ear. - Well, insert, son - who does not allow you? - I, Dad, Seryozhka not allow ...
“Mom, why does my birthday never fall on Friday, the thirteenth?” “Because you were born on the twenty-eighth of June, idiot!”
- Znayka, tell me - and "half an hour" and "passed" is this rhyme? - No, Dunno - not rhyme! - But dick you! Listen: "Half an hour before departure, registration has passed ...".
Aaaa-A, crocodiles, hippos. Aaaa-A, monkeys, sperm whales. Aaaa-A, and the Bobruisk beavers ...
“Maybe someone knows how to get a ballpoint pen?” - Where did you put it?
- Won Nink is coming! Cool - Yes ... carbon frame, rear shock, 27 speeds ...
- Daughter, how did you meet Pasha? “In tomorrow’s history, I’ll check it out - but, either from the words“ Hello, how are you? ”, Or from the words“ Are you swallowing? ”.
A husband and a pregnant wife came to see a gynecologist. He has to wait for her under the office. She turns out after the reception - no husband. Searched, searched, finally finds it under a polyclinea, nervously smoking. - Why are you running away? - Yes, I sat there waiting for you under the office, looked at everyone and thought: who does not fuck! ...
From life. There lived a man in the same village. The man was prosperous by local standards - he had his own car. True, the Muscovite-401, but nonetheless. And the Muscovite-401 with its own 26 forces requires a constant and energetic effect on the gas pedal so that it will drive at least somehow. The guy was constantly shaking in the district center and came up with a rationalization. He unhooked the cable from the parking brake and led him to an additional gas cable. The harder the handbrake pulled out, the faster the car went. At some point, this guy's car was stolen. The disappearance was found the next day stuck in a tree. The investigator found that the car had the brakes and the hijacker failed. The peasant was not so sorry for the car, as I wanted to see the face of that reptile when he pulled the handbrake.