My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories



There is a bus, and a man is running after him. He barely caught up, jumped on the bandwagon, but then the doors close and he cuts off his hands. But the man gets up and runs with all his strength for the bus, this time he cuts off his legs. He falls down. People run out of the bus and take a person to the bus. The person opens his eyes and says: - Present your tickets!

The guy is driving by the car past the duddome, and then the wheel falls off at the car ... For two hours the man tries to put him in his place, but he can not. All these TWO HOURS are followed by a patient through the hole in the fence. And then he says: - Yes, take it, open each wheel on the nut and twist the fourth, so slowly to the house and you will reach ... The peasant (obaldev): - And as you guessed, you are in this institution ... Patient: - Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm not an idiot!

A peasant with his friend jumps in at three o'clock in the morning home in a drunk board. Wife: - So, again you got drunk! In punishment I will not give you for a month! And your friend, too!

I fucked the law, I'll fucking whore!

A large passenger steamer is sinking. On the radio they say: "The passengers who bought tickets in advance arrive in the lifeboats.

A furious storm had already washed away everything that was on the upper deck, and the captain decided to give a distress signal. He fired a rocket. Suddenly a frail passenger climbs up to the bridge and says: "Captain, I would not like to offend you, but now is not the time for fireworks."

In the bar, a sailor drinks with some guy. Man: - Well, to the bottom! - No, that will not do. Maybe for you, land, such a toast is good, but we are on the sea saying: "Pour into the hatch."

A person enters the doctor's office, his hands tremble. "Do you drink a lot?" The doctor asks. - Not really. I'm shedding more.

A policeman approaches a drunk who is sitting in a puddle: - What are you doing here? - And who are you? - The policeman. "Are you naval or landed?" "Probably, land ..." "So why are you interfering in naval affairs?"

- Hello! Ambulance? - Yes. "My brother has a fever." - Yes, but how did you determine this? - Yes, he has devils on his shoulders skip.

A man comes to the circus to the director and says: "Take me to work." I'm a good trainer. - What can you do? Asks the director. "I can make it so that the crocodile will play the piano, and the behemoth will sing romances." - Can not be! It's impossible! Demonstrate! A man brought from somewhere a crocodile and a hippopotamus. Crocodile sits at the piano, the hippo puts next. The crocodile plays, the hippopotamus sings. The stunned director grabs his head: "But it's impossible!" There must be some secret here. - Yes you are right. The fact that sings and plays one crocodile, and the behemoth only opens his mouth.

Renting the crest of the entrance to Moscow University. Russian literature. Pitan - "Mu-mu" of Turgenev. It's more common for a witch to look like a serpent, but to a Ukrainian one. Professor: - Speak, please, in Russian. - Zaraz-at once, shanovovy professor, at once in a Russian ... This is a little more forgiving. Professor zupyaniv yogo shche sprat raziv, alle vidpovid prodovzhuvalas Ukrainian. "At any time in Russia." And the axis of wine nablyazhaetsya to the tragic kintsya - - And otozh take Gerasim Mu-mu, pryvnyazuyu kamenyuku shiu, and voyo yevytsya yoga in the eyes and kazhe your dog: - FOR WHAT, GERASIM!

President Clinton went to the official voyage, wrapped himself in the Vatican, sat and talked, the Pope offers: Do not you want to call God? Clinton says OK, Dad picked up the phone, dialed the number, handed over to Clinton, and talked. Dad says: You really, Bill, do not be offended, the bill for the conversation will come, I'll send you, or satellite communications, they're expensive. - All right ... Comes to Jerusalem, to the main slave. Word for word, that: you do not want to call with God - Come on. After the conversation, Clinton: you, this, the bill for the conversation will come, so send me, do not be shy. Rabay says: what count? We have calls on the local telephone for free.

Brezhnev looks in the mirror: - I'm old ... I'm very old ... I'm superstar ...

Is it true that Brezhnev is going to be awarded the title of Generalissimo? - True. And if he can still pronounce this word, he will also be given the title of People's Artist.

How many wolves do not feed, all the same will die! How many wolves do not feed, and your shirt is closer to the body ... How much wolf does not feed, but the bear still more ... How much wolf does not feed, not a single one. How many wolves do not feed, the pig will eat everything. How much wolf does not feed, the tourist is still in the forest prty! How many gynecologists do not feed, but he still looks [there] ...

How much bread does not chew, but you still want to drink. The word is not a sparrow, it will fly out - you will catch such! The word is not a sparrow, it stood and will stand. A word is not a sparrow, they will catch you - you will fly out. The word is silver, and the resolution is gold. Take off your shirt - it's closer to the point. Matches are not a hindrance for children. The fed one does not turn off the horse's eye. Well-fed on foot is not equestrian ... You'll be quieter - you'll go further.

Quietly go - less should Silent ride - thicker muzzle. Mind is good, but two pair of boots. The mind is good, but happiness is better. The morning is wiser. At the gifted horse teeth in the wood look Good laughs the one who laughs like a horse. He laughs best who laughs at those laughing. He laughs best who shoots last. At least stand, though cry.

Talking Georgian and Jewish cats: - Meow, right? - Taki, meow!

The correspondent interviews an elderly Georgian: - Tell me, what is the secret of your longevity? "I did not drink, I did not smoke, and I've avoided women all my life." Then there is a noise. The correspondent asks: "What is this?" "Ah, this is my older brother who came back, as usual, with whores."

Stirlitz, a little later, fell asleep.

In the Kemerovo region there is the river "Yaya" and the settlement of the same name. In stagnant times, on one of the May Day demonstrations, a representative of the city committee delivered a greeting speech to the workers, beginning with the words "Dear comrades of the Eggs!" And for a long time I could not understand why the people were laughing.

A well-known sociologist was asked: "Tell me, how can a very helpful subordinate destroy his boss?" "There are a lot of ways," the sociologist answered, "but the simplest, if the subordinate throws both ends of the rescue rope from excess of effort.

In a medical institute, a student comes to the exam, who does not know anything. The professor (pointing to his forehead) asks: "What kind of bone is this?" Female student: - Lobkovaya. Professor: - Did you think well? Student: - Yes. Professor (pointing at the nose) - Then what's this? ...

Stirlitz came to himself after drinking, opened his eyes and saw a twin brother in front of him: "Mirror!" - guessed Stirlitz. "Did not know, bitch" - offended twin brother.

Diary of a young and charming girl: Mon - came Anton and put on a computer Win 95. W - came Roma and took off Win 95. Cp - came Anton and put Win 95. Thu - came Roma, crawled and took off Win 95. Fri - came Anton And put Win 95. Sat - came Vova and destroyed the system unit on the floor ...

A man reads an ad in the newspaper: "I'm selling the 600th" Mersedes "for $ 5." He's on the address - exactly, 600th, exactly, "Mersedes"! Exactly: 5 dollars! A woman is giving. I bought it, it's going, I'm happy. Thinks: dumb woman - this car and for 5 bucks gave! The next day he did not open it, he came and asked me: - And .... ????? - Yes, you see, my husband fled with secret. He left a note: "I'll leave all the real estate for you, only the only request - give the car and money to my new address."

A man comes to a sex therapist. - Tell me, but if an erection, but without ejaculation? - Well, this, in principle, is normal ... - And if here is ejaculation, but without an erection? - But this is strange somehow. - And, for example, and an erection, and ejaculation? - It's good. - But when there is no erection, no ejaculation ... - A young man, you, in fact, why did you come here? - Yes, I am, the words are just beautiful - an erection, ejaculation ...

The grandmother's grandmother writes a letter to the village: "Dear grandmother! Now I study in the first grade and the teacher teaches us to tell the truth. So I want to tell you the truth. In the summer when I was staying with you in the village, I ate a jar of jam in a cellar and shoved it into it later ... Grandma gave my grandfather a letter. My grandfather in the snout like sharahnet - I told you that shit, and you candy, candy ...

Genoa and Cheburashka were expelled from the pioneers. They decided to take revenge. Approach the pioneer, Cheburashka: - Pioneer, where is your pilot's? Gene behind the head of the pioneer sewer hatch - balls !: - But his cap! To another approach: - Pioneer, where is your cap? "And here's his cap!" - Sharah! Suddenly meet the pioneer in the pilot's jacket. Cheburashka: - Pioneer, where is your drum? Gena - the balls! - Hatch: - And here's his cap!

The man went by train to the village, took a goat with him. The goat was not allowed into the car, and he tied it to the last car, came to the right station, watched - from the goat there was one head on the rope and eyes bulging. He said to her: - You do not order eyes to me, but tell me where the body was going.

One traveler bought his wife a bra, but for a long time he could not tell the saleswoman what size he needed. She, having decided to help, asks him: - "Well, at least tell me what it looks like: a ripe apple, a pear, a little melon?" The peasant pondered for a long time and finally answered: "The ears of the cocker spaniel."

There are three hunters. One says - You walk around the lake, you see the duck is flying, you're her bang of a gun - that's a hunt. Second - You walk through the forest, you see the hare is running - you're his bang - that's the hunt. Third - you walk down the street, you see there is a pretty woman. You want to, she wants to - this is a hunt.

There are examinations at the zoological faculty. Ppepod pulls a bird's leg out of his tunic and shows it to the student. (P) - Guess whose leg is? (C) - I do not know. (P) - I'm putting you off. The student grabs a student's record-book and runs outside the door. (P) - Wait! What's your last name? The student pokes his foot out from behind his feet: "Guess."

Boxing. The referee thinks: "1, 2, 3, ...." - Listen, - whispers a second to the lying boxer, - do not get up to eight. "Well," moans the man, "what time is it now?"

The designer is busy all day in Photoshop with a very important task. Something does not come out all the time: the color is not the same, something else. The daughter sits in the same room, draws. Suddenly she screams: - Dad, I poured paint on my drawing ... - Eh, I would have your problems! Just do not press anything and make UNDO ...

The dealer's son asks the pope: - Dad, what are you doing? "Well, how can I explain it to you?" For example, I bought myself two rabbits. I feed them, sing, fly. They grow fat, grow, start to multiply. There is already a whole crowd of rabbits running around the yard. And suddenly - a flood. All the rabbits drowned. And I sit and think: "What the fuck did I not breed fish?"

A man is sitting and eating nuts, throwing them up and catching his mouth. He is distracted by the cry of his wife, he turns his head and the nut gets into his ear. Well, he sits and tries to pick out the nut, but nothing happens. He asked his wife to help pick the walnut, but she could not. So he tried until evening, until his daughter came with her boyfriend. Learning what happened, the boyfriend said that he knows how to pull a nut. He plugged the man's nose with two fingers, closed his mouth, and ordered him to blow. The man blew, and the nut jumped out of his ear. The daughter and boyfriend went to her room, and the peasant's wife began to admire the smart boyfriend. "Who do you think he will be when he grows up?" She asked her husband. "Judging by the smell of his fingers, he will be our son-in-law," the husband replied.

"Actually, I can do better," God said after creating man.

Two alcoholics are sitting, drinking. One ask the other: - Listen, what is logic? - Well, how do you explain ... You see - there are two men going, one is filthy, another clean. Which one of them goes to the bath? - Gryazny ... - It's right. He's filthy, so he goes to wash. This is called logic. - And what is dialectics? "Well ... You see, two men are coming." One is greasy, but the other is clean. Which of them goes to the bath? - Gryazny ... - And that's not right! Clean. Gryazny - it's because he's so hot that he never goes to the bath. This is called dialectic ... - Well, what about philosophy then? - You see ... Two men are walking, muddy and clean. Which one of them goes to the bath? - And x # @ knows him ... - Here! It's like philosophy!

Sits (M) a horse on one shore of a wide stormy river bank. From the other side (Z), the ayats to him: "Hey, (M), swim here fast, something important I will say very much." The bear was swimming, barely breathing, all breathless. Approaches the hare, all wet. - Listen, (M), you do not eat this berry, I did not piss on.

There is a stutterer (З) to vpаchu (В): (З) - Д ... д'октоp, я з ... з'аи ... к-каюсь (В) - А, всего-то ... Проpходите , Separate ... (B) shows a hand on the screen. (3) is distributed, comes. (B) follows him. Because of the screen: "AAA! AAAAA_a_a_a_aaaAAAA_A_A _ !!!!!!! ...." After some time: (B) comes out and washes the sheltered hands. (W) (almost without feelings) crawls out next. (B) - Very good, _ very_ I would say! Tomorrow you and I will pass the letter "B" ...

The Red Paschka walks toward the penthouse and sees sitting with big, big eyes. KP approached him and asked: "Wolf, Wolf, why do you have such big eyes?" And he said to her: "You do not see a fool, I'm croaking!"

In the law firm. - 50 Marok for two questions! - The client is outraged. - Is this too much? The lawyer is dry: - Plus twenty-five marks for the third question.

The hostess of the house hires a new nanny. - And why you were refused from the previous place? - I once forgot to buy a child. A voice from the nursery: - We take it, Mom!

An ant runs through the forest, a frog sits on the bank of the stream and chattering in the water with his feet. "Is the frog water warm?" "I'm not here as a thermometer, but as a woman ..."

A young, pretty girl comes to church, comes to the priest. At the same time, it has no makeup, no costume jewelry, nothing, even clothes that are conservatively strict. Bent down, he asks: "Father, how do you understand the concept of the protege Feofan about the socio-patriarchal unity of the soul of a person with the Lord God, based on religious beliefs, expressed for the Russian Orthodox diocese in Paris?" Father: "Married, stupid! URGENTLY MARRY !!!"

The boy first went to school. The whole family is looking forward to his return. Finally, he comes: - Well, how? - How how! Sit here do not know anything, pussy something else called!

There are people ... Calls to the city's VetSluzhba ... =) These are the kinds of calls to the veterinary service. - Tell me where you can buy a magic pill from all diseases, which in Greece is sold for 250 euros? - The canary viciously rushes and does not allow to take an egg out of the nest. Che doing something? - We took a picture of a puppy with a flash. Tell me, does he now suffer much? - A stray dog ​​came to our store, ate all the sausages and still does not go away. How to kick her out? "We have a moose, knocked down by a car." So you come, somewhere take it out and bury it so that the cops will not get anything for dinner. - Where can I buy a deodorant with the smell of a cat? - From what age can you let decorative chickens start to live sexually? - Our dog had a thermometer in the anus. What to do? - A wavy parrot sat down on a hot frying pan. Does not take off already 5 minutes. What's with him? - We have made 40 injections to our cat from inflammation of the uterus and we have painted it in the entrance. So it smells strong. Can I give her cooked liver or do I need to scald her with only boiling water? - I have a sad dog walking around. Than me to cheer her up? - And why drive the worm to the cat, if it does not go anywhere? She lived with us for 3 months in the dacha, and where worms are, she does not go there. - We have a 2-month-old chih-hua-hua puppy. We accidentally did not feed her for 3 days. Why does not she get up, look sad and often breathe? "We have a wild rat in the toilet, we're her brush, and she bit it and dived again." With a stifling tongue, but with a feeling: "I bought cancer, I wanted to cook it and eat it, and then I felt sorry for it." You will not tell how to properly contain crayfish and how to feed them? - Our cat was electrocuted 2 hours ago. She still does not move. Do you think she's alive? An unknown pit bull burst into the apartment from the street. He smashed the mirror into the dressing-table, snarled at us, pissed on the corner and left. Is he mad? - A knife wound on the Rottweiler's neck, the whole apartment is in blood. Do you need a doctor or does it go somehow? "We have a bad birth in the Sailor's Silence." In the hands is not given. We poured her a beer to calm her down. And what's next to do? "We accidentally damaged the tail of the rabbit." Bleedings like do not see, but judging by the fact that the tail is in my hand, it should be. - We have a shark, it seems, suffocated, because she has not breathed for 20 minutes. Come urgently and give her an injection of adrenaline in the heart! "Our Moscow guard at the dacha accidentally ate someone." Whether a mouse, or a dog ... Is not it dangerous? "Can you tell me the address of a brothel for dogs?" - For some reason the beaver has penetrated into the territory of our military unit. He walks, walks, looks out for something ... How can we drive him away? - Our little dog Ovcharochka bit our baby for the head. What can we do? "There's a goose in the pond!" Save! - We broke the filter and the temperature regulator in the aquarium. Send a doctor to fix it. Just in case, let them buy new ones on the way. - At the dacha, the fox bitten all the children's toys. Where do I put them now? - Come and sedate the rabid fish, which bites all the legs and fingers, as well as two goats. Sorry, there are 4 of them. Two extra ones have grown overnight. No, one ... One goat lies on the couch and finishes the meat of the cat. And in general, we bought potatoes and, obviously, the rabies virus flew into the apartment. - What to feed the cat, if it does not like meat, fish, canned food and dry food? - How to drive the falcon that flew into the gym, ate all the sparrows, and now pestering the students and pinching them for pigtails? - Where in Moscow is sold sukino milk? - I need to know urgently if the penguins sweat? - Do I need to cut the dog's eyes if she does not recognize the owner? - Where to buy a syringe, as in the "Caucasian captive"? - Are there any turtles that drop their shells for the winter? - My dog ​​snapped a carbine on his paw! Come soon and grind it with a Bulgarian! - Mastino vomited pantyhose. What can we do with them now? "We gave our collie a bone." Now she lies guarding her and does not let anyone in. Come and put her to sleep in FIG! - Our child was walking with a dachshund and accidentally strangled her. Can we help her? - We have a cat sick for 2 weeks. How can he help URGENT? - What can be the most painless kill your dog so that doctors do not call? "Our Spitz has eaten a cellophane bag and can not go to the toilet." Now he yells, the package sticks out from under the tail, and we are afraid to pull it out! Come and get it! The call from the paramedic of the First Aid: - "My cat has a concussion, I beat him for eating a canary." The cat did not react to prolonged treatment with Kontracex and still crawled into the cage to the bird! "

- I am hesitant to put you a diagnosis. Perhaps this is alcoholism. - Fuck. Then I'll drop by when you sober up.

There are two: - What's so sad? - I'm sick ... no doctor can not cure: I write at night ... - And try to the therapist. A week later they meet: - Well, you do not write any more? - I'm writing. And I'm AWARDING THIS !!!

The husband at the maternity hospital screams to his wife: "Masha!" Masha! Have you given birth? How many? Three? Are there any?

Convent. In the courtyard, around the circle, nuns ride on bicycles, languidly sighing and screaming. The abbess comes out: - Sisters, if you continue to behave this way, I will order to put on the saddle bicycles ...

Dialogue of two in the chat: -I will, I'm Virgo. -What, honestly? -Not. horoscope. -And my husband is a goat. -Horoscope? -Not fair.

There lived in the village on the river bank two twin brothers. One had a boat, and the other had a wife. And it so happened that the wife of one died, and the second sank a boat. And then the wife of the local priest decided to visit the widower, but she got confused and got to the boatman: - Hello, I came to express my condolences, such a loss ... - Nothing, thank you. Not such a loss. All the same, she was already old, half-rotten. And the fish stank of her constantly. When I used it - no stability: load up the ass - before it rises, you load in front - the bottom will rise ... - But how did it all happen? - Yes, recently I gave it to three of my friends to use it, I warned them not to use it in turn, and not very often. So these assholes got into it all three at once ... Naturally, she immediately cracked from the transmission to the task ...

The Pope is dying. At the gates of Paradise Peter meets him. - What is your name? Asks Peter. - I'm the Pope! "Papa, Dad," Peter whispers under his breath, "I'm sorry, but the pope is not on my list." - But, but I was the deputy of God on earth !!! - God has a deputy on earth ?! - Peter asks surprised. - Strange, I do not know anything about it ... - I am the head of the Catholic Church !!! - Catholic Church? I've never heard of such ... Wait, I'll ask the Chief. - Chef, - Peter asks God, - there's an eccentric who claims that he is your deputy on the ground, his name is Pope, does this mean anything to you? "No," replies God, "but wait, let's ask Jesus." God and Peter explain the situation to Jesus. "Wait," Jesus says, "I'll talk to him myself." After 10 minutes Jesus, laughing to tears, comes back. - Do you remember the fishing circle that I organized 2,000 years ago? He DOES THIS TIME!

Son, you're already an adult, we decided it was time to talk to you. - OGO! I thought you were dumb.

There are two friends: - I wonder what our Verka does? - Breastfeeding Vaska! - Like this?! - She works as a stripper!

We, as in any major city have a section of martial arts. In this section there are children's groups. Children aged 4-5 years, to the delight of parents, with great pleasure waving handles and legs and shouting: KIA-A-A. These groups are led by two teachers - ANDEY DEYHVANOVICH AND GENNADY MIROSLAVOVICH. It is clear that the patronymic Andrew no child of 5 years without the help of a speech therapist can not pronounce. Therefore, the children are always confused and call it Diwanovich, then Dushmanovich, Dukhanovich, etc. Total options were collected about three dozen. Gennady on this occasion often joked and Andrew asked the children to call him just by name. But the situation was equalized by one kid, who came up during the classes to the teacher and said: - GENNADY MIMOSRALOVICH. I NEED TO GO TO THE TOILET. After Andrey's laughter subsided, Gennady gathered the children together and said: "EVERYTHING." FROM THIS DAY I AM JUST FOR YOU TO THE GENE

The husband comes home late - Mistress started, kotyara? The husband comes home early - And work for you, a loafer, who will? My husband works very hard. We need to look at this work of yours! The husband does not work very hard - you can not feed the family, you freak! A husband gets a little - You can not even crap anything from your salary! A husband gets a lot - With such money I imagine, what a stash! My husband gets a lot, but works little - I did not intend to marry a bandit! A husband receives little, but works a lot - Such fools have to be looked for, so that's how they made it for that kind of money! My husband works a little and gets little - he brought his wife to the street - there is nothing to go out to! The husband works a lot and gets a lot - with such money the wife in the same coat goes for the third day! My husband does not help around the house - I did not hire you to join a maid! Husband helps around the house - It would be better if you lay on the couch, damn you! The husband does not give flowers - Like a mother-in-law's birthday - so her mimosa! The husband gives flowers - Vitka planted his flowerbed, and this one for three studs was generous! The husband does not say affectionate words - correctly my mother said, they are only so tender before the wedding! The husband says affectionate words - This is what kind of Blaide you taught such words?

Public toilet. Inscription above the urinal: - During the bombing, hide under this urinal. Nobody ever got into it!

Dark, dark night: Two ambals stick to the girl. And I, so brave and brave: I sit at home and drink tea with bars.

There is a wolf in the woods - a hare on the glade sees a satisfied face: - It's great, Kosoy! Che is so happy? - And there, near the fox between the trees was stuck - I took advantage of and threw two poles at her. - Ok, I'll go too. Returns and says - Two - that! I put four to her. There is a bear: - Cool guys! Che are so happy? - There's a fox in the bushes stuck - I put her two sticks, and the wolf four. The bear is gone. Returns and says: - Well, there were no more sticks and I stuck her log.

A dull night, after three hours to go to take the coursework. The student has got the Whatman leaf. Suddenly a genie climbs out of the sink: "If you want, I will fulfill your every wish." The student, dreamily stretching: - Eh, would you! The genie pours a can of mascara onto the sheet: "No problem!"

Robinson got on an uninhabited island. He was there for a while all alone, until he found a parrot, who later learned to speak. And one day a parrot arrives in a terrible excitement and shouts: "Robin!" Robin! There's a woman! - !!! And Robinson ran after the parrot. While he was running (long ran), the parrot yelled: "Oh, Robin!" And what legs! And what a waist !! And what a figure! After the race through the rainforest the parrot announced: "There it is!" "Well, your mother!" It's a parrot!

The young daughter of my friend ordered a conversation with her mother. The telephonist asked: "A conversation with a particular person or with anyone who comes to the phone?" "Well, I would like to talk with my mother," the girl answered. - Do you know that it will be more expensive to cost? The telephone operator asked. "Well, all right," said the girl, "then call the little sister."

Kiev. The rally. The queue to the microphone. - I propose to rehabilitate Petlyura ... - I propose to build a monument to him ... - I suggest that he be on horseback ... - I suggest that he stand with his outstretched hand ... - I suggest that on this arm hung a noose ... - .. And on this loop hung a Communist ... -... And that the communist was changed every day ...

A candidate for an elected position knocks on the door of the homeowner and offers to vote for him, as the government is thoroughly imbued with self-interest, corruption and waste. "And you want to try to fight it?" Asks the landlord. - Are you laughing? - the candidate is surprised. - I want to participate in all this.

If the daughter thinks that the mother is a virgin is naivete If the mother thinks that the daughter is a virgin - supernatural.

Scolds the father of his son: - Do not study, only girls and discos on your mind! The son somehow tries to defend himself: - Come on, as if he were not like that! Father on the rack: - Yes, as you talk! You can not miss a single skirt! Which of us is the father: you or me? Son, with a sigh: - Already both dad, both .......

A young man comes to his beloved girl every day, despite the prohibition of her parents. One day they are caught by the girl's father. - And who are you? He asked formidably. "I ... I'm her brother," the young man babbled.

Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest, and a tank is coming towards her. Seeing her, Tank asks: - Little Red Riding Hood, tell me, why do you have a red hat? Little Red Riding Hood turns and throws over his shoulder: "I do not ask why you have a cock on your forehead!"

Bears come from the forest home. Mih. Potapich: - And who ate from my bowl ?! Marya Ivanovna: - And who was this lying on my bed? Dr. Members of the family: - And who was sitting on my chair? - And who played it with my toys ... Then Mishutka enters and sees: Mashenka is sleeping on his crib. Mishutka: - I ate, slept, sat, enough to compost the brains, let's turn off the light, in the morning we'll figure it out!

Seven goats sit, drink vodka. The wolf comes to them to profit, knocks. One kid saw him, and said: - Let's do the wolf. Well open the door and let the wolf hoof the hill. He yells: - What are you doing, wolves are shameful ?! - Be silent, goat.

- Papa Carlo, Malvina does not give me to me - she says, this thing is rough ... - Do not worry, my boy, let's rub this thing with your skin. He rubbed with a sandpaper ... - You know, Papa Carlo ... (thoughtfully) Well, her, this Malvina on figs, better rub it with a skin!