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My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories

The bus goes, and a man runs after him. He barely caught up, jumps onto the footboard, but then the doors close and he cuts off his hands. But the man gets up and runs with all his might behind the bus, this time he cuts off his legs. He falls. Then people run out of the bus and put a person on the bus. The man opens his eyes and says: - Show your tickets!

A man is driving a car past the dordom, and then the car wheel falls off ... Two hours a man is trying to put him in his place, but does not work. All these TWO HOURS for him through the hole in the fence observes the patient. And then he says: - Yes, you take it, open each wheel on the nut and hold the fourth one, so slowly get to the house and reach ... Man (stunned): - And as you guessed, you are in such an institution ... Patient: - Maybe I'm crazy, but he is not an idiot!

A man and his friend tumble into the house at three o'clock in the morning drunk. Wife: - So, you got drunk again! As a punishment I will not give you for a month! And your friend too!

I fuck, fucking and fucking will!

A large passenger ship is sinking. They announce on the radio: - Passengers who bought tickets in advance sit first in the lifeboats.

A violent storm has already washed away everything that was on the upper deck, and the captain decided to give a distress signal. He fired a rocket. Suddenly, a puny passenger climbs up to the bridge and says: - Captain, I would not want to offend you, but now is not the time for fireworks.

In the bar, the sailor drinks with some guy. Man: - Well, to the bottom! - No, that will not do. Maybe for you, the land, such a toast is good, but we have the sea say: "We pour into the hatch."

A man enters the doctor’s office, his hands are shaking. - Do you drink a lot? - asks the doctor. - Not really. I spill more.

A policeman comes up to a drunk sitting in a puddle: - What are you doing here? - And who are you? - The policeman. - Are you sea or land? - Probably, land ... - So why are you in maritime affairs interfere?

- Hello! Ambulance? - Yes. - My brother has delirium tremens. - Yes, and how did you determine this? - Yes, he devils jump on the shoulders.

A man comes to the director to the circus and says: - Take me to work. I am a good trainer. - What can you do? - asks the director. - I can make the crocodile play the piano and the hippo sing romances. - Can not be! It's impossible! Show it! A man brought a crocodile and a hippopotamus from somewhere. Crocodile sits at the piano, the hippo puts next. Crocodile plays, hippo sings. The shocked director grabs his head: - But this is impossible! There must be some secret. - Yes you are right. The fact is that one crocodile sings and plays, and the hippo only opens its mouth.

Sde Khohol join the Moscow University. Russian literature. Meal - "Mu-mu" Turgenev. Khokhol duzhe carelessly starting to rozpovid zmist ovidannya, ale-ukrainskoi mine. Professor: - Speak, please, in Russian. - Contagious, infectious professor, who will be roziksiku at once ... That prowess in the middle of the world. Professor zypynyav yogi sprat sprat raziv, ale vidopovid prodvuvovalas Ukrainian. "Zaraz bude rosiyskoy". And the axis of wines comes to the tragic kintsy - - And I took Gerasym Mu-mu, go back to your shay, and look at your eyes and every one of your dogs: “FOR THAT, GERASIM!

President Clinton went to the official voyage, turned into the Vatican, sat and talked, the Pope suggests: Do you want to call God? Clinton says, ok, Dad picked up the phone, dialed the number, gave Clinton, talked. Dad says: You really, Bill, do not be offended, the bill for the conversation will come, I will send you, and then satellite communication, they fight expensive. - Well, okay ... Comes to Jerusalem, to the main slave. Word for word, that: you do not want to call God - Come on. After the conversation, Clinton: you, this, the bill for the conversation will come, so passed me, do not be shy. Rabai says: what is the score? We have local phone calls for free.

Brezhnev looks in the mirror: - I am old ... I am very old ... I am superstar ...

- Is it true that Brezhnev is going to be given the rank of generalissi-mus? - True. And if he manages to pronounce this word, then he will also be given the title of People's Artist.

How many wolves do not feed, still die! How many wolves do not feed, but their shirt is closer to the body ... How many wolves do not feed, and the bear still has more ... How many wolves either feed, you will not catch one. No matter how much wolf you feed, the pig will eat everything. No matter how much wolf you feed, a tourist is still in the forest! How many gynecologists do not feed, but he still looks at [there] ...

How much bread do not chew, but still want to drink. The word is not a sparrow, will fly out - you will catch such people! The word is not a sparrow, it will stand. The word is not a sparrow, catch - fly out. The word is silver, and the resolution is gold. Take off your shirt - more to the point. Matches for children is not an obstacle. A full-fledged equestrian eye does not pick out A well-fed foot is not equestrian ... If you are still, you will leave.

Hush go - less should Hush go - thicker muzzle. Mind well, and two pair of boots. Mind is good, but happiness is better. Morning is wiser than evening. At a gift horse, the teeth in the forest look. He who laughs like a horse laughs well. The one who laughs laughing laughs well. He laughs best who shoots last. Just stay, even cry.

Talking Georgian and Jewish cats: - Meow, right? - So, meow!

A reporter interviews an elderly Georgian: - Tell me, what is the secret of your longevity? - I did not drink, did not smoke and avoided women all my life. There is some kind of noise. The correspondent asks: - What is it? - Oh, this is my older brother returned, pyany as always and with some whores.

Stirlitz, a little later, fell asleep.

In the Kemerovo region there is a river "Yaya" and the village of the same name. In stagnant times at one of the May Day demonstrations, a representative of the city committee delivered a welcoming speech to the working people, beginning with the words "Dear Eggs!" and for a long time could not understand why the people are laughing.

A well-known sociologist was asked: - Tell me, how can a too helpful subordinate ruin his boss? “There are many ways,” the sociologist replied, “but the simplest is if a subordinate throws both ends of the rescue rope from an excess of effort to the sinking chief.

A medical student comes to the exam at a medical institute who knows nothing. The professor (pointing to his forehead) asks: - What kind of bone is it? Student: - Pubic. Professor: - Did you think well? Student: - Yes. Professor (pointing to the nose) - Then what's this? ...

Stirlitz woke up after drinking, opened his eyes and saw in front of him a twin brother: "Mirror!" - Stirlitz guessed. “I didn’t know, bitch” - the twin brother was offended.

Diary of a young and charming girl: Mon - Anton and put on a computer Win 95. W - Roma and removed Win 95. Wed - Anton and put Win 95. Cht - Roma, scared and took Win 95. Fri - Anton and put Win 95. Sat - Vova came and laid the system unit on the floor ...

A man reads an ad in the newspaper: "I sell the 600th Mercedes" for $ 5. " Arriving at the address - exactly 600th, exactly, “Mercedes”! Exactly: 5 dollars! Sells a woman. Bought rides, pleased. He thinks: Dura Baba - she gave such a car for 5 bucks! On the next day I didn’t wait, he comes and asks: - A .... ????? - Yes, you know, my husband ran away with the secretary. Left a note: "Expensive, forgive. All the real estate I leave to you, only the only request - sell the car and send money to my new address."

A man comes to a sex therapist. - Tell me, but if an erection, but without ejaculation? - Well, it is, in principle, normal ... - And if here is ejaculation, but without an erection? - But this is strange somehow. - And, for example, and an erection, and ejaculation? - It's good. - But when neither an erection, nor ejaculation ... - Young man, you, in fact, why did you come here? - Yes, I am, the words are simply beautiful - erection, ejaculation ...

The grandson writes a letter to the village grandmother: - Dear grandmother! Now I am in the first grade and the teacher teaches us to tell the truth. So I want to tell you the truth. In the summer when I was visiting you in the village, I ate a jar of jam in the cellar and then shit in it ... Grandma gave her grandfather to read the letter. Her grandfather's face will shy away - I told you that it was shit, and you sugared, sugared ...

Gena and Cheburashka excluded from the pioneers. They decided to take revenge. Approach the pioneer, Cheburashka: - Pioneer, where is your field cap? Gena from behind the pioneer in the head with a manhole - balls !: - But his cap! To another fit: - Pioneer, where is your cap? - But his cap! - Sharah! Suddenly to meet the pioneer in the cap. Cheburashka: - Pioneer, where is your drum? Gene - balls! - hatch: - But his cap!

A man traveled by train to the village, took a goat with him. They did not let the goat into the carriage, and he tied it to the last carriage, arrived at the desired station, he looked - there was only one head on the rope from the goat and his eyes were bulging. He says to her: “You shall not build my eyes, but tell me where the torso has gone.”

One traveler bought his wife a bra, but for a long time he could not tell the saleswoman what size she needed. That, having decided to help, asks him: - "Well, at least you tell me what it looks like: a ripe apple, a pear, a little melon?" The man thought for a long time and finally answered: - "Ears of a cocker spaniel".

There are three hunters. One says - You walk around the lake, you see a duck flying, you bang it with a gun - this is a hunt. Second - You walk through the forest, you see a hare running - you bang it - this is a hunt. The third one is walking down the street, you see a pretty woman is walking. Hunting for you, hunting for her - this is hunting.

There are exams at the zoological faculty. The dog pulls a bird's leg out of its pocket and shows it to the student. (N) - Guess whose leg? (C) - I do not know. (N) - I put you uncomfortable. The student grabs the record book and runs out for the door. (N) - Wait! What's your last name? A student sticks his leg out from behind the door: - Guess.

Boxing. The referee considers: "1, 2, 3, ...." - Listen, - the second whispers to the lying boxer, - do not get up until eight. - Well, - he moans, - what time is it?

The designer spends the whole day in Photoshop on a very important task. Something does not come out all the time: that color is not that, then something else. The daughter sits in the same room, draws. Suddenly she screams: - Dad, I poured paint on my drawing ... - Eh, I would have your problems! Just do not press anything else and make UNDO ...

The dealer's son asks the father: - Dad, what are you doing? - Well, how would you explain? Here, for example, I bought myself two rabbits. I feed them, sing, treat. They grow fat, grow, begin to multiply. Already a whole crowd of rabbits runs around the yard. And suddenly - the flood. All rabbits drowned. And I sit and think: "What the fuck did I not breed fish?"

A man sits and eats nuts, throwing them up and catching his mouth. He is distracted by the cry of his wife, he turns his head and the nut falls into his ear. Well, he is sitting and trying to pick a nut, but nothing happens. He asked his wife to help out the nut, but she could not. So he tried until the evening, until his daughter came with her boyfriend. When he learned what had happened, the boyfreend said that he knew how to pull a nut. He silenced the peasant with two fingers, closed his mouth, and ordered him to blow. The man blew, and the nut popped out of the ear. The daughter and the boyfriend went to her room, and the man's wife began to admire her boyfriend’s savvy. "Who do you think he will be when he grows up?" she asked her husband. “Judging by the smell of his fingers, he will be our son-in-law,” said the husband.

"Actually, I can do better," said God, after he created man.

Two alcoholics sit, drink. One other asks: - Listen, what is logic? - Well, how can I explain to you ... You see - two men go, one sad, another clean. Which one goes to the bath? - The poor ... - That's right. He sad, so goes to wash. This is called logic. - What is dialectic? - Well ... You see, two men are coming. One dirty and the other clean. Which of them goes to the bath? - sad ... - And here and wrong! Clean. A dirty one - he is therefore a dirty one, because he never goes to the bathhouse. This is called dialectics ... - Well, what then is philosophy? - You see ... Two men go, greasy and clean. Which one goes to the bath? - And x # @ knows him ... - Here! It's like a philosophy!

Sits (M) on one coast of a wide drilling river. From the other coast (W), the ayat shouts to him: - Hey, (M), go here faster, I will tell you something important. Pereplyl bear, barely breathing, all breathless. Comes to the hare, all wet. - Listen, (M), you do not eat this berry, I did not pee on.

A stutterer (B) comes to the inspector (B): (B) - D ... d'octor, I s ... z'ai ... I repent (B) - Ah, just something ... Pass , take your clothes off ... (B) shows hand on the width of the screen. (W) is getting undone, passes. (B) follows him. Because of the width: "AAA! AAAAA_a_a_a_AAAAAAA_A_A _ !!!!!!! ...." After some time: (B) the blooded hands come out and wash. (3) (practically without feelings) creeps out after it. (B) - Very well, оч I would say! Tomorrow we will pass the letter "B" ...

Red Pashechka is walking on the gravel and sees sitting with big, big eyes. The CP approached him and asked: - Wolf, Wolf, why do you have such big eyes? And he told her: “you don’t see a fool, I’m cocoa!”

In a law office. - 50 Marks for two questions! - The customer is outraged. - Isn't this too much? The lawyer is dry: - Plus twenty five marks for the third question.

The hostess hires a new nanny. - Why were you refused from the previous place? - I once forgot to buy a child. A voice from the nursery: - We take it, mommy!

An ant runs through the woods, sees a frog sitting on the bank of the stream and chatting with his legs in the water. - Frog water is warm? - I'm not sitting here as a thermometer, but as a woman ...

A young, pretty girl comes to church, approaches the priest. At the same time, there is no make-up or jewelry on it, nothing, even the clothes are conservatively strict. Drowning his head, he asks: "Father, how do you understand the concept of Proteian Feofan about the socio-patriarchal unity of the human soul with the Lord God, on the basis of religious beliefs expressed for the Russian Orthodox diocese in Paris?" Father: "Married, stupid! URGENTLY ZAMUZH !!!"

The boy went to school for the first time. The whole family is looking forward to his return. Finally, he comes: - Well? - How how! Sit here do not know anything, pussy something differently called!

There are people ... Calls to the VetService of the city ... =) These are the calls to the Veterinary Service - Tell me, where can I buy a magic pill for all diseases, which in Greece is sold for 250 euros? - The canary angrily throws itself and does not allow an egg to be taken from the nest. What to do? “We took a puppy here with a flash.” Tell me, is he not suffering much now? - A stray dog ​​came to our store, ate all the sausages and still does not leave. How to expel her? “We have an elk downed by a car here.” So you come, take him somewhere and bury him so that the cops won't get anything for dinner. - Where can I buy deodorant with the smell of a cat? - At what age can you allow decorative hens to begin to live sexually? - Our dog has an aspirated thermometer in the anus. What to do? - The budgie sat on a hot frying pan. Do not take off already minutes 5. What is wrong with him? - We made 40 injections to the cat for inflammation of the uterus and we still painted it in the stairwell. So it smells strong. Can she give boiled liver or should she be scalded with boiling water? - My dog ​​is kind of sad walking. How can I cheer her up? “And why should you keep worming a cat if it does not go anywhere?” She lived with us for 3 months at the dacha, and where the worms are, she does not go there. - We have a 2-month puppy chi-hua-hua. We accidentally did not feed her for 3 days. Why does she not get up, sadly looks and often breathes? - We have a wild rat in the toilet, we are her brush, and she bit him and dived again. Tongue-tied, but with a feeling: - I bought a cancer, I wanted to cook and eat it, and then I felt sorry for him. You do not tell how to contain crayfish and what to feed them? - Our cat was electrocuted 2 hours ago. She still does not move. Do you think she is alive? - An unknown pit bull burst into the apartment from the street. He broke the mirror in the mirror, snarled at us, peed on the corner and left. He is not mad? - Knife wound Rottweiler in the neck, the whole apartment in the blood. Do I need a doctor or is it somehow going to pass? “In the Sailor's Silence, the pig gives birth poorly.” In the hands of not given. We drunk her beer so she calmed down. And what to do next? - We accidentally damaged the rabbit tail. Bleeding does not seem to be visible, but judging by the fact that the tail is in my hand, it should be. - We have a shark, it seems, suffocated, because it has not breathed for 20 minutes. Come urgently and give her a shot of adrenaline in the heart! - Our Moscow watchdog in the country someone accidentally ate. Whether a mouse, or a dog ... Is it not dangerous? - Can you tell me the address of a brothel for dogs? - For some reason, a beaver entered the territory of our military unit. Walking, walking, looking out for something ... How do we get rid of him? - Our little dog shepherd bitten our baby for the head. What can we do? - There is a goose in the pond! Save !!! - We have broken in the aquarium filter and thermostat. Send the doctor to fix it. Just in case, let him buy new ones on the way. - At the dacha, the fox bit all the toys. Where to put them now? “Come and lull a rabid fish that has bitten everyone's legs and fingers, as well as two goat-eaters.” Sorry, there are already 4 of them. Two extra ones have grown overnight. No, one ... One goat-eater lies on the sofa and eats the cat's meat. And in general, we bought potatoes and, obviously, the rabies virus flew into the apartment. - What does the cat feed, if he does not like meat, fish, canned food and dry food? - How to drive out a falcon, who flew into the gym, ate all the sparrows, and now sticks to the students and stings them by the pigtails? - Where is sukino milk for sale in Moscow? - I urgently need to know whether the penguins sweat? - Is it necessary to cut the dog's eyes if it does not recognize the owner? - Where to buy a syringe, as in the "Caucasian Captive"? - Are there turtles that drop their shells for the winter? - My dog's carabiner clicked on its paw! Come soon and grind it with a grinder! - Mastino vomited tights. What to do with them now? “We gave our collie a bone.” Now she lies guards her and does not let anyone. Come and put her to the figs! - Our child walked with a dachshund and accidentally strangled her. Can we help her with something? - Our cat has been sick for 2 weeks already. How can he URGENTLY help? - What is the most painless way to kill your dog, so as not to call doctors? - Our spitz ate a plastic bag and can not go to the toilet. Now he is screaming, the package is sticking out from under the tail, and we are afraid to pull it out! Come and pull out! A call from the ambulance paramedic: - "My cat has a concussion. I beat him up because he ate a canary. For long-term treatment with Contrax, the cat did not react and still climbed into the cage to the bird!"

- I find it difficult to diagnose you. Happily this is alcoholism. - Fuck you. Then I will come when you sober up.

There are two: - What is so sad? - I am ill ... no doctor can cure: I am writing at night ... - And try to see a psychotherapist. A week later, there are: - Well, no longer pee? - I write. And this is proud!

The husband at the hospital shouts to his wife: -Masha! Masha! Has given birth? How many? Three? My have?

Convent. In the courtyard, in circles, nuns ride their bicycles, sighing and crying languidly. The abbess comes out: - Sisters, if you continue to behave this way, I will order you to put saddles on bicycles ...

Dialogue of two in the chat: -I confess that I am Virgo. - What, honestly? -Not. horoscope. -And my husband is a goat. -Horoscope? -Not fair.

We lived in a village on the banks of the river two twin brothers. One had a boat, and the other had a wife. And it so happened that the wife of one died, and the second sank the boat. And then the wife of the local priest decided to visit the widower, but she confused and got to the boatman: - Hello, I came to you to express my condolences, such a loss ... - Oh, nothing, thank you. Not such a loss. All the same, it was already old, half-rotten. And the fish from her constantly smelled. When I used it, there was no stability: you load your backside - it will rise before you, you load up before - the backside will rise ... - But how did it all happen? - Yes, I just recently gave it to my three friends to use it, I warned her not to use it in turns and not very often. So these assholes got into it all three at once ... Naturally, she immediately cracked from front to back ...

Pope dies. At the gates of Paradise Peter meets him. - What is your name? - asks Peter. - I'm Pope! “Dad, dad,” Peter whispers under his breath, “I'm sorry, but the Pope of Rome is not on my list.” - But, but I was the substitute of God on earth !!! - Does God have a substitute on earth ?! - Peter asks in surprise, - Strange, I don’t know anything about it ... - I am the head of the Catholic Church !!! - Catholic Church? Never heard of such ... Wait, I'll ask the Chief. “Chef,” Peter asks God, “is there one eccentric who claims that he is your deputy on earth, his name is Pope of Rome, does this mean something to you?” “No,” says God, “but wait, let's ask Jesus.” God and Peter explain the situation to Jesus. “Wait,” says Jesus, “I will talk to him myself.” After 10 minutes, Jesus, laughing to tears, comes back. - Do you remember the fishing club that I organized 2,000 years ago? He still exists!

Son, you're an adult, we decided it was time to talk to you. - CSO! I thought you were dumb.

There are two friends: - I wonder what our Verka is doing there? - Breastfeeds his Vaska! - Like this?! - Works as a stripper!

We, as in any major city, have a martial arts section. In this section there are children's groups. Children at the age of 4-5 years old, to the delight of their parents, waving their arms and legs with great pleasure and shouting: KIA-A-A. These groups are led by two teachers: ANDREY DEYHVANOVICH and GENNADY MIROSLAVOVICH. It is clear that Andrei’s patronymic cannot be spoken by any child of 5 years without the help of a speech therapist. Therefore, children are always confused and call him then Divanovich, then Dushmanovich, Dukhanovich, etc. In total, about three dozen options were collected. Gennady often made a joke about this and Andrei asked the children to call him simply by name. But the situation was made even by one kid who approached the teacher during classes and said: - GENNADY MIMOSRALOVICH. I NEED TO GO TO THE TOILET. After Andrei’s laughter subsided, Gennady gathered the children and said: - EVERYTHING. FROM THIS DAY I AM A JUST GENE FOR YOU

Husband comes home late - started a mistress, kotyara? Husband comes home early - And work for you, slacker, who will? My husband works a lot - We still need to look at this work of yours! The husband works a little - you can not feed the family, freak! The husband receives little - With your salary, even the cat has nothing to shit! Husband gets a lot - With such money, imagine what a stash! Husband gets a lot, but works a little - I was not going to marry a gangster! The husband receives little, but he works a lot - I still have to look for such fools, so that they are so stupid for such money! The husband works a little and receives little - to which the wife has brought - there is nothing to go outside! The husband works a lot and gets a lot - with such money, the wife walks in the same coat for the third day! Husband does not help around the house - I did not hire you as a maid! Husband helps around the house - It would be better if you were lying on the couch, damn squippy! The husband does not give flowers - Like her mother-in-law's birthday - so her mimosa! The husband gives flowers - he has planted Vitka with his flowerbed, and this one has become generous with three carnations! Husband does not say affectionate words - mom said correctly, they are just so tender before the wedding! Husband speaks kind words - What kind of words did you learn from such words?

Public toilet. The inscription above the urinal: - During the time of the bombing, hide under this urinal. No one ever got into it!

Dark, dark night: Two ambalas stick to the girl. And I am so brave and courageous: I sit at home and drink tea with bars.

There is a wolf through the woods - he sees in the meadow a hare that is contented is worth it: - Hello, Oblique! Che so joyful? - And there, near the fox between the trees stuck - I took advantage and threw two sticks at her. - Ok, I'll try too. Comes back and says - Two - what! I put four of her. There is a bear: - Great guys! Che so joyful? - There the fox got stuck in the bushes - I put two sticks in it, and a wolf four. The bear is gone. He comes back and says: “Well, there are no sticks left, and I thrust a log to her.”

Deaf night, three hours to go to take the course. The student ditty paperwork. Suddenly a genie comes out of the sink: - If you want, I will fulfill your every desire. A student, dreamingly dreaming: - Eh, would have eaten ****! A genie pours a carcass jar onto a sheet: - No problem!

Robinson fell on a desert island. He was there all alone for quite some time, until he found a parrot for himself, which he learned to speak later. Then one day a parrot flies in terrible excitement and shouts: - Robin! Robin! There is a woman !!! - !!! And Robinson ran for the parrot. While he ran (he ran for a long time), the parrot screamed: “Oh, Robin!” And what legs! And what a waist !! And what a figure !!! After running through the rainforest, the parrot announced: “There she is!” - Well, your mother! Well this parrot !!!

My friend's young daughter ordered a conversation with her mother. The telephonist asked, "Talking to a specific person or anyone who answers the phone?" “Well, I would like to talk to my mother,” the girl replied. - Do you know what it will cost more? the telephonist asked. “Well, okay,” the girl replied, “then call my sister.”

Kiev. Rally. Turn to the microphone. - I propose to rehabilitate Petliura ... - I propose to build a monument to him ... - I suggest that he be on horseback ... - I suggest that he stand with an outstretched hand ... - I suggest that there be a loop on this hand ... - .. And on this loop a communist was hanging ... -... And so that a communist was changed every day ...

A candidate for an elected office is knocking on the door of a homeowner and offers to vote for him, because the government is imbued with self-interest, corruption and waste. "And you want to try to fight it?" - Asks the landlord. - Are you laughing? - the candidate is surprised. - I want to participate in all this.

If the daughter thinks that the mother is a virgin - this is naivety. If the mother thinks that the daughter is a virgin - supernaiveness.

Father's son scolds: - You do not study, only girls and discos on the mind !!! The son somehow tries to defend himself: - Oh, you, as if he himself was not like that! Father reared: - Yes, as you talk! Do not miss a single skirt! Who is the father of us: you or me? Son, with a sigh: - Already both dad, both .......

The young man comes every day to his girlfriend, despite the prohibition of her parents. Once they are caught by the girl’s father. - And who are you? - he asked sternly. “I ... I am her brother,” the young man murmured.

Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest, and a tank goes to meet her. Seeing her, Tank asks: - Little Red Riding Hood, tell me, why do you have a red cap? Little Red Riding Hood turns and throws over her shoulder: “I don’t ask why you have a dick on your forehead!”

Bears come from the forest home. Mic. Potapych: - And who ate it from my bowl ?! Marya Ivanovna: - And who was lying on my bed? Dr. family members: - And who was sitting on my chair? - And who played this with my toys ... Mishutka comes in here and sees: Masha sleeps on his bed. Mishutka: - I ate, slept, sat, enough brains to compost, let's turn off the light, in the morning we'll figure it out!

Sit seven kids, drink vodka. A goat wolf comes to them to profit, knock. One kid saw him, and said: - Let's get a bastard. Well, open the door and let the wolf hoof hooves. He yells: - What are you doing, shameful wolves? - Shut up, goat.

- Papa Carlo, Malvina does not give me - he says this thing is rough ... - Do not worry, my boy, let me rub this sandpaper on you. He rubbed the skins ... - You know, Papa Carlo ... (thoughtfully) Well, her, this Malvinu in FIG, you better rub yourself with the skins!