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My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories




A gnome arrives at the store: - Please weigh me seven grams of cheese. - Are you kidding me? - If I scoffed, I would ask for a slice.


A Chukchi is being tried, who does not know a word in Russian, therefore a translator sits next to him. Judge: - Is it true that you are doing business? Chukcha: - Yes. Translator: - He says yes. Judge: - And is it true that you saved $ 500,000 from the deal? Chukcha: - Yes. Translator: - He says yes. Judge: - Tell us where you are hiding money. Chukcha: - I will not say. Translator: - He says he will not say. Judge: - Tell him that if he does not say, he will be shot. Chukcha: - Well, I hid them under a yurt. Translator: - He says he doesn't care.


- Where are we going with Piglet - big, big secret! - Oh, Winnie, and I forgot to take the paper!


- Mom, mom, and why my girlfriends have erotic dreams, and I have some incomprehensible airships, cucumbers and bananas!


10. Branded toilet paper decorated with your photo. 09. During hard work, paper balls and just pebbles are thrown at you. 08. Instead of a computer, you were given a slate and bills. 07. Your trainee sucks only candy in your presence. 06. You pay salary only in metal coins. 05. On the birthday of colleagues give you a white T-shirt with a target on the chest. 04. On the door of your office painted two big zero. 03. All your colleagues signed a petition for your dismissal. 02. A photo of your wife is worth at least another 12 tables of your colleagues. 01. You are the chef!


- Mom, I'll never eat mushrooms again! - Why, son? - I promised them yesterday!


A LIFE. Mom, porridge, spoon, cat, book, bright cover, Pinocchio, Karabas, satchel, school, first class, dirt in a notebook, triple, deuce, dad, shout, headwash, summer, labor, barn, straw, autumn, collecting scrap metal , Pushkin, Darwin, Christmas, Om, Robespierre, Napoleon, Mendeleev, Herostrat, farewell ball, certificate, institute, exam, nerves, competition, lectures, course one, training, seminars, songs, dances, tary-bars, Charm! Like it! It attracts ... Session, spring, offset, construction team, heat, work, kultpohod, newspaper, photo, dormitory, "pass" and "miser", radio, TV, pencil, reyfeder, home, fifth year, project, diploma, vacation , sea, steamer, Krym, Ai-Petri, camping, kulman, chef, end of quarter, workshop, site, plan for shaft, FSC, garage, apartment, mother-in-law, son, wife Elvira, kindergarten, bicycle, cards, chess, neighbor, heart, liver, overweight, grandchildren, pension social security, anniversary, clock, award, speeches, monument, FENCES ...


A man comes to the circus from the back door. He approaches the guard and says: “What about the door?” - As where? Here they are. - No, DOOR hde? - Why, here, behind your back! - Damn, well DOORS, DOORS !!! TLONY, SHOCK, TUTLIKES !?


The first of September, the first class. The teacher says: - Children, you came to school. Here you need to sit quietly, and if you want to ask something, raise your hand. Little Johnny pulls his hand. - You want to ask something, Little Johnny? - No, just checking how the system works.


Little Johnny returns home from a party. In the hallway of his apartment for a long time fumbling over the wall. His mom approaches: - Little Johnny, what are you looking for there? - Leave me alone. - Yes, you tell me what are you looking for? Maybe I know. - Your mother, it was necessary only to leave the house, already the door was walled up.


Dear visitors ! We remind you that: 1. Express cards - payments are sold at the box office (to the right, the next room). 2. "Put on the account" can be there. 3. Tariff change - on the contrary in service. 4. "Roaming" - ibid. 5. "Put roaming" in the same place. 6. And in general, there are also such animals unknown to science as: "rouling", "romling", "roving" and "diamond". And "RAMEN" too !!! 7. SIM Card Restoration - ibid. 8. You can take a printout in the service fin. control (right diagonally). 9. All price lists with new (and old) rates are on the rack. 10. The cheapest tariff DOES NOT EXIST IN NATURE !!! 11. The most profitable too. 12. And the most convenient too. (There is only the most "rational", the most "local", the most "active", etc.) 13. We do not sell the instructions to the phones separately. 14. We have no BI + cards !!! 15. And we do not know where they are sold !!! !!! 16. There is no MCC card too !!! 17. See clause 15. 18. AND "SONNET" cards are ALSO !!! !!! !!! 19. See clause 17. 20. And we have NO Internet cards !!! !!! !!! !!! 21. We don’t know what Beeline is. 22. And we don’t connect to it accordingly. 23. Here we have ONLY MTS. 24. The Jubilee tariff is only in the MCC. Economical too. 25. What we also don’t know such MSS. 26. In dollars we don’t “take.” 27. By uttering a phrase like “MTS” steals money "you risk your life. 28. Megaphone is a device for voice amplification. 29. Type question "I need a phone so that I take it 300 km from Moscow," punished as a lecture on the principles of working with etei GSM. 30. All devices have "sensitivity", "pick-up", etc. - the same. 31. Tariffs "No subscription fee" exist only in advertising. 32. Used ear phones we do not have, and we are not we accept and do not plan .. 33. The “Taxa” set is not a CD 34. The Ericsson mini keyboard is really worth 58 rubles, this is not a typo ..... 35. We do NOT charge phones. 36. If you buy 2 phones at once , discounts are not given. 37. The "Summer" tariff operates in the summer, in the autumn, perhaps in the winter, and perhaps in the spring too. 38. Shit! How you all got it!


- Vasily Ivanovich, you are for whom: for the Beatles or the Rolling Stones? - And Lennon for whom?


Do not rush to pay off with the one who stole your wife. He himself will soon repent.


- Well, something like, Nastya! .. - Yes ... But only I am not Nastya ... - All the same, good.


Conversation in the light of the world: -And why don't you eat a sponge? - Ears get dirty.


-What is the connection between culture and kiss? -The higher the culture, the lower the kiss.


The doctor is asking for the patient: -How do you sleep? -In pajamas, without shoes and in the dark ..


In the hospital. - Sick, wake up! - What happened? - I brought you a sleeping pill.


Commander: - I look, comrade student, you are too clever. - Who am I? - Well, not me!


There is a rat on the rail. Crawler (lifting her tail): - I, too, Anna Karenina!


- Mom, Dad has come. What will we show him first - my diary or your new dress?


Children talk in kindergarten: - We have two mothers and each has their own room! - And we have three moms and everyone has their own bike! - And we, and us, and we have seven mothers and everyone has their own father!


The end of the beginning of the form. He gently hugged her and asked: - Am I your first man? She looked at him for a long time, then replied: - Maybe that’s what I think, where I saw you before


Village. Evening. From the hut goes grandfather. After a few seconds, two shots are heard, a dog squeal and a heart-rending cry of a pig. The grandfather comes back to the hut, a dead crow dangles from his belt, a dog is put on his ass through his right hand, and a pig is on his left. - TV ... TV broke, yoptumon! And good night kids, give him anyway! =)


I smoke Gauloisses for the second week already - and the stylish blue spots on my face never appear ... Maybe I don’t smoke like that ?!


I sit here, I work. Strange - that's why a 5-kopek coin climbs into the right nostril, but not into the left?


Women's talk: -Oh, oh! It was wonderful! First, he gave me a huge bouquet of roses! Then he drove to an expensive restaurant in shchi: there we drank expensive wine and at the end of the evening he kissed me! After we went to him! Pleasant music, muffled light, a little champagne! He gently hugged me, kissed me and brought me a star from the sky! THREE TIMES!!! Talking men: Yes? -Yes. - Krasavcheg!


The guy asks his girlfriend: - Natasha, did you save my gift? - No - I had an abortion!


An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian, boast of their wives. “When my wife is riding,” says the Englishman, “her legs reach to the ground.” Not because the horse is short, but because my wife has long legs! “I embrace my wife around the waist with two fingers of one hand,” says the Frenchman, “not because I have a big hand, but because my wife has a narrow waist!” “Before leaving for work,” says Russian, “I slap my wife on the ass.” And when I come back from work, she is still shaking. Not because my wife has a loose ass, but because we have the shortest working day in the USSR!


Every day a worker brings with him to the factory a breakfast - a sandwich with sprat. Once the party committee secretary approached him: - Tomorrow a foreign delegation will visit the plant, so you, Ivanov, take something better from home! Tomorrow, Ivanov unwrapped and ate a caviar sandwich in front of foreigners! - Well done, do not let us down! - Then the secretary tells him. - How did you manage to get black caviar? - I didn’t sleep all night, picked out the eyes from the piles ...


A foreign correspondent inspecting the Soviet plant, accompanied by the party committee secretary, interviews the worker who has turned up. - How much do you get? - One hundred rubles ... - The worker responds and crumbles, noticing the secretary's terrible eyes - ... In a week! - he adds. - What is your apartment? - I have one room ... - Says a worker, -. The windows are to the south, one - with windows to the east and one - to the west! - What is your hobby? - 30 centimeters, - bangs a worker and sees how the secretary grabbed his head. - In diameter! - He clarifies.


Chamber in the maternity hospital. Bypassing the professor. Questions, answers ... It turned out that everyone was going to give birth in one day - October 1. The professor is surprised. They explain to him: - And we in the same company celebrated New Year.


The girl, who takes the car driving test, stopped the car at the intersection, opened the door and left. Instructor surprised: - Where are you? - I want to look around the corner, does not go and anyone ...


The client looks at the lawyer’s bills: - What does this mean: "Tips during the lunch break"? - Do not you remember? - the lawyer is surprised. - I then advised you to order fish fillets.


I went fishing for a hare and caught a goldfish. At this time, a wolf passed by and took away the fish from the hare. They began to argue who the fish will fulfill three wishes. “Don't quarrel,” said the fish. - I will fulfill three wishes for both of you. To the first? “Of course I am,” said the wolf. - Guessing, - said the fish. - My first wish: let my dick be up to my knees ... Rybka fulfilled his wish. - Second: let all the women in the forest want to surrender to the wolf. - It will be yours, - said the fish. - Third: let the beauty queen among the wolves come to my bed in a day, and allow me to do with me everything that I wish ... - And this will be your wish, - the fish says. - And now, you, the hare. The hare took the fish in his hands. - First, let me have a Mercedes. Immediately a Mercedes appeared next to it. - Secondly, let me have a million dollars in a Swiss bank and a million rubles here. In the backseat of the Mercedes, two passbooks appeared. The hare got behind the wheel and drove off. - A third wish? - Asks the fish. The hare is silent. - A third wish? - Asks the fish again. The hare drove away for a decent distance, got out of the car, went to the river and letting the fish out into the river, said: “And the third wish: so that the wolf would not have a dick.”


Once there was one Jewish family in our state. They decided to take off to their historical homeland, and Isaac - one brother and his family went to Israel, and Abram - the second - remained in Russia. Somehow Abram comes to visit his family and discovers that Isaac has got his own shop. Abram comes to his shop and finds such a picture: Isaac stands behind the counter, and the buyer is in front of him. Isaac: - Well, you bought a fishing pole from me - and what would you catch at it from the shore? Buy a boat - swim in the middle of the lake, you catch more! “Give me the boat,” says the buyer. - Well, you have a boat. Imagine: you fish - it started to rain. What will you do? Uh uh! You need to buy a hinge! - says Isaac. “Well, let's get some more,” the buyer says. - Look: you went fishing, sailed - where will you live? You need to buy a tent, you will live in it, Isaac assures the buyer. - Ok, I'll buy another tent. The buyer gathered everything in a heap, leaves. As soon as the door closes behind him, Abram asks his brother: - Listen, how did you manage to sell him such a bunch of junk? “Yes, I myself am amazed,” Isaac replies. - Actually, his wife has a period, he came to me for cotton and I told him: "What will you do in the city for a whole week - go fishing ..."


There is a man on the field, mowing. On his chest hangs a transistor receiver. "Dear residents in the farms of the Uysky district!" - Receiver broadcasts. "Last night, a flying saucer landed in the area of ​​Zyutkeli village. Friendly-minded humanoids flew to us. If you meet them, please explain without sharp movements, in simple intelligible terms, explain who you are, where you are from, what you do - do not be afraid, they will do you no harm. Aliens: squat, hands to the ground, red faces, eyes a little bulging. Please, if you meet any of them, inform the regional center on UFO problems. "The man grinned at the beard (" Look, think are these gorodskie! ") and calmly mows on. Dokosil to the end of the glade, turns back, looks - ba! is sitting! Squat, hands to the ground, erysipelas red and bulging eyes! A man with shaking lips says: “The grass ...” points to the ground, “braid ...” to the braid, “mower ...” pokes a finger at himself, “kosha ...” depicts the corresponding process. Alien word. - Grass ... Spit ... Mower ... Koshu ... - repeats the man. Silence again. The peasant also froze - not to good, you see! .. Suddenly the alien comes to life and, pointing towards the forest, says: - The forest ... - shows itself, - the forester ... I sit ... Sru ...


There is a divorce process, they ask her husband, saying that they forced you to file for divorce? -And she insulted me, called a shit. -What are the circumstances? -Yes, I come home, she sleeps with some guy, she saw me and says: Look, shit, how it's done!


The teacher asked an essay on the topic "What would I do if I received a million?" Half an hour later, one kid rose from his seat and walked over to her, holding in her hands two sheets with some calculations. “Excuse me, Freken,” he said, “is it possible to add another 100 thousand?”


Two men argue about the quality of goods. First: Here we somehow had a peasant from the 20th floor piled up, caught up with the suspenders a meter from the ground and remained alive, and the suspenders are intact. Second: So this is garbage. Here we have one from the 8th floor, he pounded himself into smithereens and felt boots as good as new!


- I will do nothing with your bald head. Refer to the surgeon. He will cut so that the hair is enough for the rest.


- I was at several doctors and not one agrees with your diagnosis. - Well, let's wait for the autopsy.


- Doctor, I'm depressed. - Plunge headlong into work. What are you doing? - I mix concrete ...


-Dear, why did I find Vogue cigarettes in the glove box of your car? -This Masha left, we fucked with her in my car ... -Do not lie! Masha does not smoke! -Ah ... Then Sveta from work, apparently ... I somehow picked her up ... remember, I returned home late at night? -You're lying again! Sveta smokes Marlboro! - Maybe Julia left? - Julia does not smoke with menthol. And those were menthol. -Okay. Everything. Squeezed. I can no longer hide ... I must confess to you ... It is difficult for me to do this, but apparently I will have to. Do not worry, okay? In general ... yes ... I sometimes smoke menthol Vogue. But very seldom! Do you hear? VERY RARELY!


A camel-son and a camel-father are standing. Son: Dad, why do we need a hump on our backs? Father: In the hump, son, we accumulate water and when we go through the desert we are not tormented by thirst. S: Dad, why do we need such hooves? A: It is to walk on the sand and the legs are not sagged. S: Why do we need such big and hard lips? A: This is so that in the desert it was possible to have thorns. C: Then dad, explain to me, why the heck do we have all this tuning in the Saratov Zoo? ...


> Artificial Intelligence quoted1>> “A man came to a sex shop. > -I want, he says, rubber woman, che recommend. > -Please have the latest model, with artificial intelligence. > -What good? > -It bites, scratches-like the real thing. > -Oh! cool, take, wrap. > -Sorry, but the instructions for it have not yet been translated from Chinese, no one knows how to use it, come after it in a fortnight. > -Not, let's right now, sort out something. > -Well, we warned. The only thing, please come to us again when you figure it out, tell us how to use, so that we can explain to other customers. > -Not a question. > Two days later, the man returns, all bitten, scratched. > -Thanks, he says, very pleased, scratched, bites, like a real one. > -And is artificial intelligence expressed? > -Well, yes, what is it expressed ?! > - does not give. Quoted1>> After telling a joke, one girl with a dreamy facial expression spoke her thoughts out loud. It turned out to be an order of magnitude steeper than the anecdote:> "Eh, I would have this artificial intelligence, well, at least a drop"


On the British border: Customs officer: - Your name? - Abdul Said. - Sex? - Four times a week. - No, no - male, female ... - Male, female, sometimes camel ...


On the top shelf of the compartment car a man goes. Suddenly, at the station in the compartment enters the lady. She takes out vodka, a snack and uses it all with gusto. A man thinks that it would be nice to start a conversation and starts: - Dear lady, what's your name, anyway? - And why call me - right now I will drink, have a snack and I will climb myself!


- Mr. Zhirinovsky, is it true that you have a housing crisis in the country? - Nonsense. These stupid rumors spread by those who have nowhere to live.


A propaganda campaign for the nomination of candidates for deputies of something there. Agitators with leaflets go around the apartments: - Sign the list for our candidate ... - And who is this and where is it from? - Well, Ivanov Ivan Ivanovich ... - Oh! Yes, I know him! - Well, sorry, if so.


Sobchak became proud: “I can't,” he said, “to drive in the same car as my chauffeur!”


“Yesterday my wife got sick, and today her mother came to look after her.” - Yeah, trouble never comes alone.


- Do you have a hamster always upstairs sleeping?


After the celebration of the New Year there are two men: - Well, how did you celebrate the holiday? - Yes, I do not know, have not told ...


A huge shepherd pounced on the gasman. “Do not be afraid, do not be afraid,” shouts the hostess, “she has already been given an injection of rabies.


Announced in the army competition for the best company. The company N2 from part N31188 won. The Minister of Defense presents the commander with an award and says: “Well, Captain, how did you manage?” - Comrade general, actually we have been serving for 30 years as Ensign Filippenko, this is his merit. The minister approaches the ensign: - Well, ensign, how did you manage? - Button up !!! - What?? - Button up, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah ... - What-what ??? Captain in a whisper: - fasten the collar, comrade general, otherwise he does not repeat the third time.


A man comes to visit a friend in the village. Winter, frost, he sits on the stove, tipsy, playing the harmonica. - Great! - Where's the wife, then? - Yes, on the street chopping wood. - Listen, somehow wrong! You're here in the warmth of the harmonica playing, and she chops the wood in the cold! - And what can I do if she does not know how to play the harmonica!


Do not think! If you think - do not say. If you think and say - do not write. If you think, speak and write - do not sign. If you think, speak, write and sign - do not be surprised.


House. A man is sitting on a chair. Suddenly the door opened, he looks, and there his dog. (m) - Are you drunk? (c) - No! (m) - Come on! (c) - Gav-gav-gav ... (m) - Come on! (c) - Lay-lay-lay ...


Dialogue in ICQ Kuzenka: How is it working ??? Salt Elephant: n .... y Salt Elephant: h ..... Is it a cousin: Finger squeezed ???


The hare (B) approaches the lion (L) (B) Hello uncle Leo Leo does not pay attention The hare continues to pester and so several times, finally .. (L) Well, what are you? (A) Uncle Lion, please, tomorrow I will pass here, say hello to me, please! and the next day, the hare is walking through the forest with a girlfriend .. (L) Hello, hare! (A) And fuck you.


Late evening. Noisy company. A passerby walks by. It is inhibited: - Eh, man, do you have a smoke? Passer freezes for a second. Then he starts to sniff loudly, takes off his jacket, pants, goes off his shoes, puts it all down and puts another wallet on top. He steps aside and squeezes out through his teeth: - When can you get smoked!


Dispatcher: - Attention, board 135, I call for communication! - Board 135 is in touch! - Connect to the microphone of the first pilot. - This is impossible, the first pilot is drunk. - Then the co-pilot ... - The co-pilot is drunk. - Give then the commander! - And the commander was taken to the detox even on the ground. - And who speaks to me? - and-ik! Av-in-the-top pilot!


Little Johnny puts on rubber boots. Mom says to him: - Little Johnny, on the street is dry, there is no dirt and puddles. “I'll find it,” he says cheerfully.


The teacher asked an essay on the topic: "If I were the director of the company." All diligently write, and only Little Johnny looks out the window. - Why don't you write? - I expect the secretary!


Little Vovochka does not want to sleep. Father sits down at his crib and begins to tell him fairy tales. Tells the hour, another. At last silence reigns in the room. Mother quietly opens the door and asks: - He fell asleep? “Yes, mother,” the son answers in a whisper.


It hurts me to look at the true creators, who do not even suspect that they have already sat down and are driving with might and main. I really like the heroine of Leo Tolstoy’s novel War and Peace, especially when she dances at a ball with Stirlitz. Many writers are taken to delve into the human soul (and often with unwashed hands). But not to be compared with them, no, with Dostoevsky, the master of a socio-psychological novel. My dad is a long distance bus driver. My father is a father by profession. Young hearts could not sit still, but walked a broad step towards communism.


My faithful friend is Tolik's friend. We will not forget you, our beloved Taras Bulba, for your courageous heroism. On the bank of the river, the milkmaid milked the cow, and in the water everything was reflected the opposite. The picture shows a girl, a dog and her grandmother. A red five-pointed star with curly Water is burning on my chest. On the battlefield there were shouts and groans of the dead. At the kennel Troyekurov were racing dogs. On the sled ridden funny faces of the guys. Napoleon was sick with cancer and died on Saint Helena.


We are surrounded by the products of the “little man” society, and we ourselves are also products of this society, and it’s very good that this product is not good enough yet. Natasha was truly Russian in nature, she was very fond of nature and often went to the yard. Natasha was associated with the people of the red thread. Natasha Rostova wanted to say something, but the door that opened opened her mouth. Our distant ancestors made the revolution naked, barefoot, in sandals. Austerlitz sky broke Bolkonsky in half.


The Beast of President Viktor Yushchenko to the People of Ukraine Happiness to that the situation sutkno zm¦nilyasya. Viktor Fedorovich Yanukovych zayshov in my cabnet at the camouflage of the NATO NATO gvintvkoyu service of the M-16, having danced hopak that having read "Zapovit" without papіrtsya, tobto napamyat! Druzі, tsei derzhavnitskii vchinok not mіg zalishit me meuiduzhim I submitted the candidate of the party leader Rengton to review parliament. Spodіvayatsya, deputies p_dtrimayut tsi my husband that order lyudinu. Dyakuyu for respect


The boy Scot came to the store, handed the pot to the owner and said - Pour me twenty pence honey here. Well, he poured. The boy takes the pot and says - And dad will bring you money tomorrow - I know your "tomorrow"! Picked up the pot, poured the honey and put the kid out the door. And he walked around the corner peered into the pot and said: well, that, dad was right. There is enough for a couple of sandwiches!


A Jewish physicist comes to OVIR: F: - I would like to emigrate. Officer: - Yes, why do you need, we will create paradise conditions, will work for your pleasure! F: - Yes, I would, but my wife really wants ... Ch: - Well, persuade her! F: - Yes, I would, but my father-in-law with the mother-in-law really wants ... Ch: - Well, finally, let them go and you stay! F: - Yes, I would, but I’m the only Jew in the family ...


Night. A woman is walking along a deserted street. Suddenly he sees - a man is running after her. She turned into another street, he followed her; I turned into an alley and he followed her. Ran into the nine-story building, and he ran. She is on the ninth, and he is on the ninth. She called back to all the apartments - no one opened, she pressed herself against the wall in fear, closed her eyes .. He runs up to her, puts her hand on her shoulder: - And now you catch up with me!


A young stenographer after the chief dictated her a letter: - Could you repeat what happened between "Dear Sirs ..." and "Yours truly"?


The head is to the secretary: - What you write love letters at work, I can understand, but why do you give them to me for signature?


Two secretaries-typists are talking: - You seem to graduate from the Institute of Heavy Engineering? - Yes, but then I decided to choose a car easier.


The lesson of Russian literature in the Georgian school. Teacher: - Well, Gogi, tell us the Russian verse. Gogi gets up and starts (telling with a characteristic accent): - The cockerel, the cockerel, the golden scallop, he sings in the mornings, he doesn’t let the children sleep, my mother’s mouth will fuck $ l.


New Russian comes to the store: - To me, Porsch ... Said - done! Left After an hour arrives: - I have there ... a box flew ... Men looked and watched - for sure! Box .. In .. Tyda, in general! Not a question - replaced in the guarantee! After an hour the same problem! Men: - Listen! Let us put you in front of our laughter we will plant - it is painfully interesting as it flies out! - OK! Go! The first speed is 60, the second is 100, the third is 180, the fourth is 250, the fifth is 310, the sixth is 360 ..... - And now ... ROCKET! He said a new Russian, in the flick of a button where the typing R is written ...


Georgians come to the store. - Give me the candy, what are they called there? "I love you" ... - ??? - Well ... "You are his" ... - ??? - Oh, I remembered, "AnaNas"!


Georgian car stops the traffic cop. - The rights. - Here is a gift, pzhalsta ... - Get out, you need to inspect the salon. - There is no problem, daragoy, pzhalsta ... - Open the trunk. - Listen daragoy, I give tebe 10 thousand and we will ne otdem otvyrivat luggage. - Open the trunk! - Daragoy, 50 thousand? - The trunk! - 200 thousand!? A traffic cop sees that the case smells like blood - by the gun. - Open !!! - Listen daragoy, I offered 200 thousand tebe? And you refused? Here is tebe trunk, pzhalsta ... And there it is empty. Zapaska, cable ... A traffic cop in amazement: - So what did you do? - Uh, daragoy, I played it with you in “Field Chudes”!


Two Georgians are sleeping. One: - Gogi, is this your cock in my ass? - Yes, I'll get it out. - I tepe Vitascu, sleep come on.


Student hostel. A girl rushes into the room and shouts: - Girls, take off your underpants rather - the boys will come to visit us now! Pause ... Rustle of skirts ... - What are you fools doing? !! Remove the rope!


In the corridor at the vet three dogs are sitting - a shepherd dog, a Doberman and a dog aside from them. Waiting for reception, talked. Doberman asks the Shepherd Dog: - Why did you get here? - Why, castration do brought. - For what? - Yes, I was left to guard one house, suddenly I smell the smell from under the fence - a bitch that current runs. Well, I'm after her. While I found it, while I fucked it, the house was surrounded. Hostess fur coats carried, equipment, safe opened. In general, the owner said that I didn’t fuck me more for knots. - Yes, I have no better. I went to the park for a night with my mistress. I feel - somewhere a bitch current runs through. I followed her, while she was dryuil, the hostess fucked herself, the rings were removed, the fur coat was removed. In general, I, too, on castration. Listen, and let's ask the dog, he, the poor, probably also got. - I, too, was left alone with the mistress of the house, - says the dog, - woke up, ate, drank, I looked: she was coming out of the shower, all pink, in a transparent peonyuarchik, fragrant. She got her back to me, leaned to fill the bed ... Well, I could not stand it, as I planted it! - Well, you, poor fellow, got! - No, it's you. I was brought here for a manicure.