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My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories

The dwarf comes to the store: - Weigh, please, seven grams of cheese. - Are you kidding me? "If I mocked you, I would ask you to cut it."

They judge a Chukchu who does not know a word of Russian, so an interpreter sits next to him. Judge: - It's true that you do business? Chukchi: - Yes. Translator: - He says yes. Judge: - And is it true that you have saved $ 500,000 from the deal? Chukchi: - Yes. Translator: - He says yes. Judge: - Tell us where you are hiding money. Chukcha: - I will not say. Translator: - He says he will not tell. Judge: - Tell him that if he does not say, he will be shot. Chukcha: - Well, I hid them under the yurt. Translator: - He says that he does not care.

- Where we go with Piglet - a big, big secret! - Oh, Winnie, and I forgot to take the paper!

- Mom, Mom, why do my girlfriends have erotic dreams, and I have some incomprehensible dirigibles, cucumbers and bananas!

10. Branded toilet paper is decorated with your photo. 09. During hard work in you throw balls of paper and just pebbles. 08. Instead of a computer, you have been allocated a slate and scores. 07. Your trainee sucks in your presence only lollipops. 06. You are paid only in metal coins. 05. On the birthday of a colleague, they give you a white jersey with a target on the chest. 04. There are two large zeroes on the door of your office. 03. The application for your dismissal was signed by all your colleagues. 02. Your wife's photo is worth at least another 12 tables of your colleagues. 01. You're the boss!

"Mom, I'll never eat mushrooms again!" - Why, son? "I promised them yesterday!"

A LIFE. Mom, porridge, spoon, cat, book, bright cover, Pinocchio, Karabas, backpack, school, first class, mud in a notebook, triplet, deuce, dad, cry, dizzy, summer, labor, barn, straw, autumn, scrap collection , Pushkin, Darwin, Cromwell, Om, Robespierre, Napoleon, Mendeleev, Gerostrat, farewell ball, certificate, institute, examination, nerves, competition, lectures, course one, training, seminars, songs, dances, tare bars, Lovely! I like it! Attracts ... Session, spring, set-off, construction team, heat, work, cultural expedition, newspaper, photo, hostel, "pass" and "miser", radio, TV, pencil, drawing pen, house, fifth year, project, diploma, vacation , sea, steamer, Krym, Ai-Petri, tour, kulman, chef, end of the quarter, shop, plot, plan for the shaft, ZhSK, garage, flat, mother-in-law, son, Elvira's wife, kindergarten, bicycle, maps, chess, neighbor, heart, liver, overweight, grandchildren, retirement pension, anniversary, clock, reward, speech, monument, FENCES ...

A man comes to the circus from the back door. He approaches the watchman and says: - And where are the doors? - As where? Here they are. - No, DOORS hde? - Yes, here, behind you! - Damn, well, DOORS, DOORS !!! TONES, TOBATHICS, TUTLICS !?

First of September, first class. The teacher says: - Children, you came to school. You need to sit quietly, and if you want to ask something, raise your hand. Vovochka is drawing a hand. "Is there something you want to ask, Vovochka?" - No, I just check how the system works.

Vovochka returns home from the party. In the hallway of his apartment he rubs his hands against the wall for a long time. His mother comes up: - Vovochka, what are you looking for there? - Leave it. - Yes you tell me, what are you looking for? Maybe I know. "Your mother, it was only to leave the house, the door was already immured."

Dear visitors ! We remind you that: 1. Express payment cards are sold at the ticket office (to the right, the next hall). 2. "Put on account" can be done there. 3. Change the tariff - in front of the service. 4. "To be engaged in roaming" - in the same place. 5. "Put roaming" in the same place. 6. In general, there are also such unknown animals as "rouling", "romling", "roving" and "rhombus". And "Ramen", too! 7. Restore the SIM-card - in the same place. 8. You can take a printout in the Fin. control (to the right, obliquely). 9. All price lists with new (and old) tariffs are at the counter. 10. The cheapest tariff does not exist in nature! 11. The most profitable too. 12. And the most convenient too. (There is only the most "rational", the most "local", the most "active", etc.) 13. Instructions to phones we do not sell separately. 14. We do not have BI cards + !!! 15. And we do not know where they are sold !!! !!! 16. There is no MSS card either! 17. See point 15. 18. And the cards "SONNET" "ALSO !!! !!! 19. 19. See point 17. 20. And the Internet - cards we also do not !!! !!! 21. We do not know what "Beeline" is 22. 22. And we do not connect to it, respectively 23. 23. Here we have - ONLY "MTS." 24. The tariff "Jubilee" is only in the MCC. "Economical" too. we do not know this MSS either. "27. We do NOT" take "dollars in dollars 27. Speaking of the phrase" MTS "steals money," you risk your life. "28." Megaphone "is a device for amplifying the voice. "I need a phone to take for 300 km from Moscow" Lies a lecture on the principles of work with etc. 30. All "sensitivity", "pick-up", etc. devices are the same 31. Tariffs "No monthly fee" exist only in advertising 32. We do not have any Earphones, and we do not have them we accept and do not plan .. 33. The set "Taxi Phone" is not a compact disc 34. The mini-keyboard for Ericsson really costs 58 rubles, it's not a typo ..... 35. If you buy 2 phones at once , discounts are not given. 37. The tariff "Summer" operates in the summer, in the autumn, probably in the winter, and perhaps in the spring, too. 38. Blighting! How did you all get it!

- Vasily Ivanovich, who are you for: the Beatles or the Rolling Stones? - And Lennon for whom?

Do not rush to pay with the one who led your wife. He will soon regret himself.

"It's good, Nastenka! .." "Yes ... But only I'm not Nastenka ..." "It's all the same good."

Conversation in the higher light: -And what do not you eat abbuz? - Eating spices.

-What is the connection between culture and kiss? - The higher the culture, the lower the kiss.

He asks the patient: -How to drink? -In pajamas, without shoes and in the dark ..

In the hospital. - Ill, wake up! - What happened? - I brought you sleeping pills.

Commander: - I'm looking, comrade cadet, you're too smart. - Who am I? "Well, it's not me!"

On the rail lies a rat. The inspector (lifting her by the tail): - Too me, Anna Karenina!

- Mom, dad came. What will we show him first - my diary or your new dress?

The children are talking in the kindergarten: - Mom has two of us and everyone has a room! - And we have three moms and everyone has their own bike! - And us, and us, and we have seven moms and everyone has a dad!

the end of the form. He tenderly embraced her and asked: "Am I your first man?" She looked at him for a long time, then answered: "Maybe that's what I think, where I saw you before

Village. Evening. From the cottage comes grandfather. After a few seconds, two shots are heard, a dog's screech and the scream of a swine. The grandfather goes back into the hut, a dead crow is hanging out on his belt, a dog is put on his right hand, on the left is a pig (on the left). - TV ... The TV broke, joptvayamat! A good night, he still give the kids! =)

I smoke Gallouis for the second week already - and the stylish blue spots on my face do not appear ... Maybe not so I smoke ?!

See here, I'm working. Strange - that's why a 5-penny coin gets into the right nostril, but does not go to the left one?

Conversation of women: -Oh! This was spectacular! First he gave me a huge bouquet of roses! Then he took me to an expensive expensive restaurant, where we drank an expensive wine and at the end of the evening he kissed me! After we went to him! Pleasant music, muffled light, a little champagne! He embraced me tenderly, kissed me and got me a star from the sky! THREE TIMES!!! Conversation of men: -Yes? -Yes. -Krasavcheg!

The guy asks his girlfriend: - Natasha, did you keep my present? - No - she had an abortion!

The Englishman, the Frenchman and the Russian boast of their wives. "When my wife rides," says the Englishman, "her legs reach the ground." Not because the horse is short, but because my wife has long legs! "I wrap my arms around my waist with two fingers of one hand," says the Frenchman, "not because I have a big hand, but because my wife has a narrow waist!" "Before leaving for work," says the Russian, "I slap my wife in the ass." And when I return from work, she still shakes. Not because my wife's ass is flabby, but because we have the world's shortest working day in the USSR!

The worker brings a breakfast every day with a sprat sandwich. One day a secretary of the Party Committee came to see him: "Tomorrow the plant will be visited by a foreign delegation, so you, Ivanov, take something better from home!" The next day Ivanov, in front of the eyes of foreigners, turned up and ate a sandwich with black caviar! - Well done, did not disappoint! - Then he tells the secretary. - How did you manage to get black caviar? "I did not sleep all night, I peeled my eyes out of the tailings ..."

A foreign correspondent inspecting the Soviet plant, accompanied by the secretary of the party committee, interviews the spoiled worker. - How much do you get? - A hundred rubles ... - The worker answers and stops, noticing the terrible eyes of the secretary - ... In the week! - He adds. - What is your apartment? "I have one room ..." says the worker, "by the windows to the south, one by the windows to the east and one by the west!" - What is your hobby? "30 centimeters," the worker blurts and sees the secretary clutching his head. - In diameter! - He clarifies.

The ward is in the maternity hospital. Bypassing the professor. Questions, answers ... It turned out that everyone was going to give birth on the same day - October 1. The professor is surprised. They explain to him: - We met the New Year in a company.

The girl who passed the exams for the right to drive the car, stopped the car at the crossroads, opened the door and left. The instructor is surprised: - Where are you going? - I want to look around the corner, and no one is coming ...

The client looks through the bills displayed by the lawyer: - What does it mean: "Tips during lunch break"? "Do not you remember?" - the lawyer is surprised. - I then advised you to order fish fillets.

The hare went fishing and caught a goldfish. At this time a wolf passed by and took the fish from the hare. They began to argue, to whom the fish will fulfill three desires. "Do not quarrel," said the fish. "I will fulfill three wishes for you both." Who is the first? "Of course," said the wolf. "Guess," said the fish. - My first wish: let my cock be up to my knees ... The fish fulfilled his desire. - Second: let all the women in the woods want to surrender to the wolf. "It will be according to you," said the fish. - Third: let a queen of beauty among wolves come to me in a day after a day, and lets me do whatever I want with me ... - Your wish will come true, too, - says the fish. "And now, you hare." The hare took the fish in his hands. - First, let me have a Mercedes. Immediately next appeared "Mercedes". "Secondly, let me have a million dollars in a Swiss bank and a million rubles here." In the back seat of the Mercedes appeared two savings accounts. The hare got behind the wheel and drove off. - And the third desire? - Asks the fish. The hare is silent. - And the third desire? The fish asked again. The hare drove off to a decent distance, got out of the car, went to the river and let out a fish into the river: - And the third desire: that the wolf should not stand a dick.

Once upon a time there was one Jewish family in our power. They decided to rush to their historical homeland, and Isaak - one brother with his family went to Israel, and Abram - the second - stayed in Rossi. Abram comes to his family one day and discovers that Isaac got his own shop. Abram comes to his store and finds this picture: behind the counter Isaac, and in front of him the buyer. Isaac: - Well, you bought me a fishing rod - and that you'll catch it from the shore? Buy a boat - swim in the middle of the lake, you'll catch more! "Give us the boat," the buyer answers. "Well, you have a boat." Imagine: you're fishing - it began to rain. What will you do? Uh-uh! You need to buy a bag! - says Isaac. "Well, let's have a little more," the buyer says. - Look: you went fishing, sailed - where will you live? You need to buy a tent, you'll live in it, "Isaac assures the buyer. "All right, I'll buy a tent too." The buyer has collected all in a heap, leaves. As soon as the door closes behind him, Abram asks his brother: "Listen, how did you manage to sell such a bunch of junk?" "Yes, I myself am amazed," answers Isaac. - Actually, his wife's monthly, he came to me for cotton wool, and I said to him: "What will you do for the whole week in the city - go fishing ..."

There is a man on the field, mowing. On his chest hangs a transistor receiver. "Dear residents in the farms of the Uysky district!" - broadcasts the receiver. "Yesterday evening a flying saucer landed near the village of Zyukkeli with friendly humanoids arriving in. If you meet them, please, without any abrupt movements, explain in simple simple terms who you are, where you are from, do not be afraid, they are not will do to you nothing wrong.The signs of aliens are squat, hands to the ground, red faces, little eyes bulging.Please, if you meet any of them, please report to the regional center on UFO problems. "The man smirked at the beard (" these urban! ") and calmly mows further. Dokosil to the end of the clearing, turn back, look - ba! is sitting! Squat, hands to the ground, red face and eyes bulging! A man with trembling lips says: "The grass ..." points to the ground, "the braid ..." - on the scythe, - the mower ... "- pokes a finger in himself, - kosh ... - depicts the corresponding process. The alien does not say a word. - Grass ... Scythe ... The mower ... Koshu ... - repeats the man. Again silence. The muzhik, too, froze, not to good, to see! .. Suddenly the alien comes to life and, pointing to the side of the forest, says: "The forest ..." points to himself, "the forester ... I sit ... Sru ..."

There is a divorce, ask her husband, they say that you were forced to file for divorce? -And she insulted me, she called me a shit.-Under what circumstances? -I come home, she sleeps with some peasant, she saw me and says: Look, shit, how it's done!

The teacher asked me an essay on "What would I do if I got a million?" Half an hour later one kid got up and went up to her, holding two sheets with some calculations. "Forgive me, Freken," he said, "but is it possible to add another 100,000?"

Two men argue about the quality of goods. First: Here we have somehow a man from the 20th floor, he got into it, he got caught up in the braces and stayed alive, and the braces are intact. Second: So this is garbage we have here, one from the 8th floor, he himself shivered and valenochki as new!

"I will not do anything with your bald head." Address to the surgeon. He will cut so that the hair is enough for the rest.

- I have been to several doctors and none disagrees with your diagnosis. "Well, wait for the autopsy."

- The doctor at me depression. - Plunge your head into work. What are you doing? - I mix concrete ...

- Darling, why did I find Vogue cigarettes in the glove compartment of your car? -This is Masha left, we fucked with her in my car ... -Don't lie! Masha does not smoke! -A ... Then Svetka's from work, apparently ... I somehow drove her ... remember, you came home late at night? -You're lying again! Svetka smokes Marlboro! - Maybe Julia left? -Julka does not smoke with menthol. And those were menthol. -Okay. All. Pressed. I can not hide anymore ... I must confess to you ... It's difficult for me to do this, but apparently I will. Just do not worry, okay? In general ... yes ... I sometimes smoke menthol Vogue. But very rarely! Do you hear? RARELY!

A camel-son and a camel-father are standing. Son: Daddy, why do we need a hump on our backs? Father: In the hump, son, we accumulate water and when we go through the desert we are not thirsty. S: Daddy, why do we need such hoofs? A: It's to walk on the sand and my legs do not squeeze. S: Why do we need such big and hard lips? A: It's so that there could be thorns in the desert. Then Dad tell me, fuck us all this tuning in the Saratov Zoo ...?

> Artificial Intelligence>> "A man came to a sex shop. I want to say, rubber woman, you recommend. > -Please, there is the latest model, with artificial intelligence. > -And what is good? > -Taps, scratches-like real. > -O! cool, take, wrap. > -Sorry, but the instructions to it have not yet been translated from Chinese, no one knows how to use, come after it in half a month. > -No, let's right now, I'll sort it out. > -Well, we warned. The only thing, please, come to us again when you figure it out, tell us how to use it so that we can explain to other clients. > -Not a question. > Two days later the man returns, all bitten, scratched. > -Thanks, he says, he is very pleased, scratches, bites like real. > -A in artificial intelligence is expressed? > -A, yes, in what way? > - does not. " >> After the story of the anecdote, a girl with a dreamy expression spoke her thoughts to the ears. It turned out to be an order of magnitude more abrupt than the joke:> "Oh, I would have this artificial intelligence, well, at least a little bit"

On the British border: Customs: - Your name? - Abdul Said. - Sex? - Four times a week. - No, no - male, female ... - Male, female, sometimes camel ...

On the top shelf of the compartment car rides a man. Suddenly a lady enters the station in the compartment. She takes out vodka, a snack, and uses it all with gusto. A man thinks that it would be nice to tie up the conversation and starts: "My dear lady, how can I even call you?" - And Th me to call - right now I'll drink, I'll eat a snack and get up myself!

- Mr. Zhirinovsky, is it true that you have a housing crisis in your country? - Nonsense. These stupid rumors are spread by those who have nowhere to live.

A propaganda company for the nomination of candidates for deputies is something there. Agitators with leaflets walk around the flats: - Sign the list for our candidate ... - And who is it and where from? "Well, Ivanov Ivan Ivanovich ..." "Oh!" Yes, I know him! - Well, sorry, if so.

Sobchak was proud: "I can not," he says, "ride in the same car as my driver!"

- Yesterday my wife got sick, and today her mother came to take care of her. - Yeah, trouble never comes alone.

"Do you always sleep with a hamster?"

After the celebration of the New Year, two peasants meet: - Well, how did you celebrate the holiday? - Yes, I do not know, they have not told me yet ...

A huge shepherd pounced on the gas man. "Do not be afraid, do not be afraid," she screams. "She's already had a shot from rabies."

Announced in the army competition for the best company. The company N2 from part N31188 defeated. The Minister of Defense hands the award to the commander and says: - Well, captain, how did you manage? "Comrade general, in fact, we have been serving ensign Filippenko for 30 years, this is his merit." The minister approaches the ensign: - Well, Ensign, how did you manage? - Zest up! - What, what?? - Zest, mlya-mlya-mlya-mlya-mlya ... - What's that ?? Captain whispered: - Close the collar, Comrade General, or else he does not repeat the third time.

A peasant comes to visit a friend in the village. Winter, frost, he sits on the stove, drunk, playing with the accordion. - That's great! "Where's the wife?" - Yes, there's wood chopping in the street. - Listen, somehow wrong! You are playing in the warmth at the accordion, and it chopped wood in the frost! - What can I do if she can not play the accordion!

Do not think! If you think - do not say. If you think and say - do not write. If you think, say and write, do not sign. If you think, speak, write and sign - do not be surprised.

House. A man is sitting on the armchair. Suddenly the door flew open, he looks, and there his dog. (m) - Are you that drunk? (c) - No! (m) - Well, piss off! (c) - Gav-gav-gav ... (m) - Well, let's go! (c) - Lai-lai-lai ...

Dialogue in ICQ Kuzenka: How is working ??? Salt Elephant: п .... ц Salt Elephant: з ..... ли Kuzenka: The finger was pinched ???

The hare (Z) approaches the lion (L) (H) Hello Uncle Leo The lion does not pay attention The hare continues to pester and so several times, at last .. (L) Well, Che? (H) Uncle Lion please tomorrow I will pass here, say hello to me please! and the next day the hare goes through the woods with a friend .. (L) Hello hare! (W) And you went fuck.

Late evening. Noisy company. A passer-by passes by. They brake him: - Eh, man, you can not have a cigarette? The passer-by froze for a second. Then he starts to sing loudly, takes off his jacket, pants, takes off his shoes, puts it all down and puts a wallet on top. Leaves aside and through the teeth squeezes: - When you just get stoned!

Dispatcher: - Attention, board 135, I call on communication! - Board 135 on the connection! - Connect to the microphone of the first pilot. "It's impossible, the first pilot is drunk." - Then the second pilot ... - The co-pilot is drunk. "Then give the commander!" - A commander was taken to the sobering-up station still on the ground. - And who is talking to me? - Y-hic! Av-in-the-pilot!

Vovochka puts on rubber boots. Mom says to him: - Vovochka, it's dry outside, there's no mud and no puddles. "I'll find it," he says cheerfully.

The teacher asked an essay on the topic: "If I were the director of the company." All diligently they write, and only Vovochka looks out the window. - Why do not you write? "I'm waiting for the secretary!"

Little Vovochka does not want to sleep. The father sits at his crib and begins to tell him tales. Tells an hour, another. Finally, silence reigns in the room. Mother quietly opens the door and asks: "Did he fall asleep?" "Yes, Mom," the son answers in a whisper.

It pains me to look at the true creators, who do not even suspect that they have already sat down and are on the go. I really like the heroine of Leo Tolstoy's novel War and Peace, especially when she dances at a ball with Stirlitz. Many writers undertake to dig in the human soul (and often unwashed hands). But he can not be compared, no, with Dostoevsky, the master of the socio-psychological novel. My dad is a long-distance bus driver. My father is a father. Young hearts could not sit still, but went a wide step towards communism.

My faithful friend is Tolik's friend. We will not forget you, our beloved Taras Bulba, for your courageous heroism. On the riverbank the milkmaid milked a cow, and in the water everything was reflected the other way around. The picture shows a girl, a dog and her grandmother. On my chest is a red five-pointed star with curly hair. On the battlefield, screams and groans of the dead were heard. On the kennels of Troyekurov there were racing dogs. The seniors of the children were riding on the sled. Napoleon was sick with cancer and died on St. Helena.

We are surrounded around by the products of the "little man" society, and we, too, are the products of this society, and it is very good that while this product is of poor quality. Natasha was truly Russian in nature, very fond of nature and often went to the yard. Natasha was connected with the people by a red thread. Natasha Rostova wanted to say something, but the opened door closed her mouth. Our distant ancestors made the revolution naked, barefoot, in bast shoes. The sky of Austerlitz fractured Bolkonski in half.

Zvernennya president Vіktor Yuschenka up to the People of Ukraine Shanovna ukraїska gromado, vimushen viznati, scho polichnichny sili, scho proizavom ostavnіh tizhnіv namagalisya porosumini zaradi єднання країни, до останніх хвилин не йшли на поступки, віддаючи перевагу мові ultimatums. At shchastya pivgodoni, the situation suttevo zmyonila. Viktor Yanukovich Yanukovych zanushov in the mii kabinet at the camouflage of the NATO military service in the M-16 gvintivkiv, doppisav gopak and reading "Zapovit" without papyrtsya, tobto napamyat! Drusi, Tse stavlynitsky fillings can not be used to fill the room with a guy. I submitted the candidature of the leader of the Party to the parliament. I'll argue, deputies piddtrymayut tsju a husband that that order to a man. Dyakuyu for the respect

The Scot boy came to the store, handed the pot to the owner and said: "Pour me twenty twenty pence of honey." Well, he poured. The boy takes the pot and says - And the dad will bring money to you tomorrow - I know your "tomorrow"! He picked up the pot, poured honey and put the boy out the door. And he went around the corner looked in the pot and said: and, that, Dad was right. There is enough for a couple of sandwiches!

A Jewish physicist comes to OVIR: F: - I would like to emigrate. Officer: - Yes, why should you, we will create paradise conditions, will work for your own pleasure! F: - Yes, I would, but my wife really wants ... Ч: - Well, persuade her! F: - Yes, I would, yes, my father-in-law with a mother-in-law really want ... Ч: - Well, finally, let them go, and you stay! F: - Yes, I would, but I'm the only Jew in the family ...

Night. A woman walks along the deserted street. Suddenly he sees a man is running after her. She turned to another street, he followed her; turned into an alley, and he followed her. She ran into the nine-story building, and he ran. She's on the ninth, and he's on the ninth. I called back to all the apartments - no one opened it, she clung to the wall in fear, closed her eyes .. He ran to her, put his hand on his shoulder: - And now you catch up with me!

A young stenographer after the chief dictated to her a letter: "Could you repeat what happened between" Dear Sirs ... "and" Sincerely yours "?

Chief - secretary: - That you write love letters at work, I can understand, but why are you giving them to me to sign?

Two secretaries-typists talk: - You, it seems, have graduated from the Institute of Heavy Engineering? - Yes, but then decided to choose a car easier.

The lesson of Russian literature in the Georgian school. Uchilka: - Well, Gogi, tell us the Russian verse. Goghi gets up and starts (to tell with a characteristic accent): - Cockerel, cockerel, golden comb, he sings in the morning, I do not sleep for children, I'm his mother's mouth.

New Russian comes to the store: - To me Porsh ... Said - done! He left. An hour later he comes: - I'm there ... the box flew ... Muzhiki looked-looked-for sure! Box .. In .. Tyda, in general! Not question - on garantiya replaced! The hour is the same problem! Mizhiki: - Slahay! Let's give you a laugh for our laughter - it's painfully interesting, as it flies! - OK! Edyt! The first speed - 60, the second - 100, the third - 180, the fourth - 250, the fifth - 310, the sixth - 360 ..... - And now ... ROCKET! Said a new Russian, vpybaya knyazhku tyda, where Rikov napisovana ...

The Georgians come to the store. "Give me candy, what do they call it?" "I love you" ... - ??? - Well ... "You're his" ... - ??? "Ah, I remember, Ananas!"

Gruzin by car stops traffic cop. - Rights. - Here, daragoy, pzhalsta ... - Come out, we must examine the salon. - No problam, daragoy, pzhalsta ... - Open the trunk. "Listen to the gift, I give the ten of you ten thousand and we do not bud off the luggage." - Open the trunk! - Daragoy, 50 thousand? - The trunk! - 200 thousand !? The policeman sees that the case smells of blood - for a gun. - Discover! "Listen to the gift, did I offer you 200 thousand?" And you refused? Here is the trunk, pzhalsta ... And there it is empty. The reserve, the rope ... The traffic cop in amazement: - So what did you perform? - Uh, daragoy, it's me with you in the "Field Chudes" played!

Two Georgians sleep. One: - Gogi, is that your cock in my ass? - Yes, I'll get it now. "I'll go to thee, go to sleep."

Student hostel. A girl runs into the room and screams: "Little girls, take off your panties - boys will come to visit us now!" A pause ... The rustle of skirts ... - What are you doing fools ?! Take off the rope!

In the corridor, the veterinarian has three dogs - a sheep dog, a Doberman and a dog on the side of them. They are waiting for the reception and talking. Doberman asks the shepherd: - Why did you get here? - Yes, castration was brought. - For what? - Yes, I was left alone to guard the house, suddenly I could smell the smell from under the fence, the bitch is running. Well, I'm behind it. While she found it, while fucking, the house was surrounded. Mistress's fur coats were taken out, equipment was opened, a safe was opened. In general, the owner said that do not fuck me more for knots dangle. - Yes, I'm not better. I went for a walk with the hostess to the park for the night. I feel - somewhere a bitch is running around. I followed her, while she grunted, the mistress fucked herself, took off her rings, removed her fur coat. In general, I, too, are castrated. Listen, but let's ask the Great Dane, he, poor fellow, probably also fell. - I also stayed alone with the hostess of the house, - says the mastiff, - I woke up, ate, drank, I look: she comes out of the shower, all rosy, in a transparent dressing room, odorous. She stood with her back to me, bent over the bed to fill ... Well, I could not stand it, as I planted it! - Well you, poor fellow, have got! - No, you got it. I was brought here for a manicure.