My Blog: Jokes Jokes Jokes Stories
The gnome comes to the store: - Please weigh me seven grams of cheese. - Are you kidding me? - If I was mocking, then I would ask to chop.
They judge the Chukchi, who does not know a word in Russian, so the translator sits nearby. Judge: - Is it true that you are in business? Chukchi: - Yes. Translator: - He says yes. Judge: - And is it true that you gained $ 500,000 from the deal? Chukchi: - Yes. Translator: - He says yes. Judge: - Tell us where you hide the money. Chukchi: - I will not say. Translator: - He says he won’t. Judge: - Tell him that if he does not say, they will shoot him. Chukchi: - Well, I hid them under a yurt. Translator: - He says that he doesn’t care.
- Where are we going with Piglet - a big, big secret! - Oh, Vinnie, but I forgot to take the paper!
- Mom, mom, why do my girlfriends have erotic dreams, and I have some strange airships, cucumbers and bananas!
10. Branded toilet paper adorned with your photo. 09. During hard work, paper balls and pebbles are thrown at you. 08. Instead of a computer, you have been assigned a slate board and abacus. 07. Your trainee sucks only lollipops in your presence. 06. You are paid only in metal coins. 05. On your birthday, your colleagues give you a white T-shirt with a target on your chest. 04. On the door of your office are drawn large two zeros. 03. The request for your dismissal was signed by all your colleagues. 02. A photograph of your wife is at least 12 more tables of your colleagues. 01. You are the boss!
- Mom, I will never eat mushrooms again! - Why, son? “I promised them yesterday!”
A LIFE. Mom, porridge, spoon, cat, book, bright cover, Pinocchio, Karabas, satchel, school, first grade, dirt in a notebook, three, two, dad, scream, headwash, summer, labor, barn, straw, autumn, scrap metal collection , Pushkin, Darwin, Cromwell, Om, Robespierre, Napoleon, Mendeleev, Herostratus, farewell ball, certificate, institute, exam, nerves, competition, lectures, first course, training, seminars, songs, dances, packaging bars, Lovely! I like it! Attracts ... Session, spring, offset, construction team, heat, work, cultural trip, newspaper, photo, dormitory, pass and minuscule, radio, television, pencil, route drawing, house, fifth year, project, diploma, vacation , sea, steamer, Crimea, Ai-Petri, camping, kulman, chef, end of the block, workshop, plot, plan for the shaft, ZhSK, garage, apartment, mother-in-law, son, Elvira’s wife, kindergarten, bicycle, cards, chess, neighbor, heart, liver, overweight, grandchildren, pension of social security, anniversary, clock, award, speeches, monument, FENCE ...
A man comes to the circus from the back door. He comes to the watchman and says: - And where are the doors? - As where? Here they are. - No, DOORS hde? - Well, behind your back! - Damn, well, DOORS, DOORS !!! TOLONES, TOBATSKI, TUTLIKI !?
First of September, first grade. The teacher says: - Children, you have come to school. Here you need to sit quietly, and if you want to ask something, raise your hand. Little John pulls a hand. “Do you want to ask something, Little Johnny?” - No, just checking how the system works.
Little Johnny returns home from the party. In the hallway of his apartment, he fumbles for a long time with his hands on the wall. His mother approaches: - Little Johnny, what are you looking for there? - Leave me alone. “Tell me, what are you looking for?” Maybe I know. - Your mother, it was only worth leaving the house, the door was walled up.
Dear visitors ! We remind you that: 1. Express cards - payments are sold at the box office (to the right, the next room). 2. "Put on the account" can be in the same place. 3. Change of tariff - opposite to the service. 4. "Do roaming" - in the same place. 5. "Put roaming" in the same place. 6. And in general, there are also such animals unknown to science as: "roaming", "romling", "roving" and "rhombus". And "RAMEN" too !!! 7. SIM card recovery - in the same place. 8. You can get a printout in the service of fin. control (to the right obliquely). 9. All price lists with new (and old) tariffs are on a rack. 10. The cheapest tariff DOES NOT EXIST IN NATURE !!! 11. The most profitable, too. 12. And the most convenient too. (There is only the most "rational", the most "local", the most "active", etc.) 13. We do not sell instructions for phones separately. 14. We have NO BI + cards! 15. And we do NOT know where they are sold !!! !!! 16. There are no MCC cards either !!! 17. See point 15. 18. And SONNET cards, "ALSO !!! !!! !!! !!! 19. See point 17. 20. And we also DO NOT have Internet cards !!! !!! !!! !!! 21. We don’t know what Beeline is. 22. And we DO NOT connect to it respectively. 23. Here we have ONLY MTS. 24. The Yubileiny tariff is available only in the MCC. It is economical too. 25. What we don’t even know such an MSS. 26. We DO NOT “take” in dollars. 27. By saying a phrase like “MTS steals money,” you risk your life. 28. “Megaphone” is a device for voice enhancement. 29. A question like "I need a phone so I can take it 300 km from Moscow." It’s punished with a lecture on the principles of working with GSM networks. 30. All devices have the same “sensitivity”, “response rate”, etc. 31. “No monthly fee” tariffs exist only in advertising 32. We don’t have any earphones and we don’t have them we accept and do not plan .. 33. The Taksafon set is not a CD 34. The mini-keyboard for Ericsson really costs 58 rubles, this is not a typo ..... 35. We DO NOT charge phones. 36. If you buy 2 phones at once Discounts are not given. 37. The "Summer" tariff is valid in the summer, in the fall, possibly in the winter, and perhaps in the spring too. 38. Blyayaya! How you got it all!
- Vasily Ivanovich, who are you for: for the Beatles or for the Rolling Stones? - And for whom Lennon?
Take your time to settle accounts with the one who stole your wife. He will soon repent himself.
- It’s good, Nastya! .. - Yes ... But only I’m not Nastya ... - Anyway, it’s good.
Conversation in the high light: -And why do not you eat a watermelon? -Early spoils.
-What is the connection between culture and a kiss? -The higher the culture, the lower the kiss.
The doctor asks the patient: -How do you sleep? -In pajamas, without shoes and in the dark ..
In the hospital. - Sick, wake up! - What happened? “I brought you sleeping pills.”
Commander: - I look, comrade cadet, you are too smart. - Who am I? - Well, not me!
A rat lies on a rail. Lineman (raising her by the tail): - Also to me, Anna Karenina!
- Mom, dad has come. What will we show him first - my diary or your new dress?
Children talk in kindergarten: - Mom has two of us and everyone has their own room! - And we have three mothers and each has his own bike! - And us, and us, and we have seven mothers and everyone has their own dad!
end of the form of the beginning of the form. He gently hugged her and asked: - Am I your first man? She looked at him for a long time, then replied: “Maybe I think where I saw you before.”
Village. Evening. Grandfather comes out of the hut. After a few seconds, two shots are heard, a dog squeal and a heart-rending cry of a pig. Grandfather comes back into the hut, a dead crow dangles on his belt, a dog is put on his right hand through the ass, and a (same) pig is on his left hand. - The TV ... The TV has broken, yoptvayumat! And good night, the kids give him anyway! =)
I have been smoking Gaulises for the second week - and stylish blue spots on my face do not appear ... Maybe I don’t smoke like that ?!
I'm sitting here, working. Strange - that’s why a 5 kopek coin breaks into the right nostril, but not into the left?
The conversation of women: -Ohhh! This was spectacular! First he gave me a huge bouquet of roses! Then he drove to a posh expensive restaurant: there we drank expensive wine and at the end of the evening he kissed me! After we went to him! Nice music, dim lights, some champagne! He gently hugged me, kissed me and took me a star from heaven! THREE TIMES!!! Conversation of men: -Yes? -Yes. -Be handsome!
The guy asks his girlfriend: - Natasha, have you saved my gift? - No - I had an abortion!
Englishman, Frenchman and Russian boast about their wives. “When my wife is riding,” the Englishman says, “her legs reach the ground.” Not because the horse is stunted, but because my wife has long legs! “I hug my wife by the waist with two fingers of one hand,” the Frenchman says, “not because I have a big hand, but because my wife has a narrow waist!” “Before going to work,” the Russian says, “I slap my wife on the ass.” And when I return from work, she still shakes. Not because my wife’s ass is flabby, but because in the USSR we have the shortest working day in the world!
Every day the worker brings with him to the factory breakfast - a sandwich with sprats. Once the party committee secretary approached him: “Tomorrow a foreign delegation will visit the plant, so you, Ivanov, take something better from home!” The next day, Ivanov turned around and ate a sandwich with black caviar in front of the eyes of foreigners! - Well done, I did not disappoint! - Then the secretary tells him. - How did you manage to get black caviar? - I haven’t slept all night, I have been picking my eyes out of the kilka ...
A foreign correspondent inspecting a Soviet factory, accompanied by the secretary of the party committee, is interviewing a turned-up worker. - How much do you get? - One hundred rubles ... - The worker answers and stops short, noticing the scary eyes of the secretary - ... In the week! - he adds. - What is your apartment? - I have one room ... - The worker says, -. Windows to the south, one to the east and one to the west! - What is your hobby? “30 Centimeters,” the worker blurts out and sees the secretary clutch his head. - In diameter! - He clarifies.
The ward in the maternity hospital. Bypass professor. Questions, answers ... It turned out that everyone was going to give birth on the same day - October 1. The professor is surprised. They explain to him: - And we celebrated New Year in one company.
The girl, passing the exams for the right to drive a car, stopped the car at the intersection, opened the door and got out. Instructor in surprise: - Where are you going? - I want to look around the corner, and no one is driving ...
The client looks at the invoices issued by the lawyer: - What does it mean: "Tips during the lunch break"? - Do not you remember? - the lawyer is surprised. - Then I advised you to order a fish fillet.
The hare went fishing and caught a goldfish. At this time, the wolf passed by and took the fish from the hare. They began to argue to whom the fish will fulfill three wishes. “Do not quarrel,” said the fish. “I will fulfill three wishes for both of you.” Who is the first? “Of course to me,” said the wolf. “Guess,” said the fish. - My first wish: let me have a dick to my knees ... The fish fulfilled his desire. - Second: let all the women in the forest want to surrender to the wolf. “It will be your way,” said the fish. - Third: let the beauty queen among the she-wolves come to my bed the next day and let me do whatever I wish with me ... - This will also be your wish, says the fish. - And now, you, hare. The hare took the fish in his hands. - Firstly, let me have a Mercedes. A Mercedes appeared right next to it. - Secondly, let me have a million dollars in a Swiss bank and a million rubles here. In the back seat of the Mercedes appeared two passbooks. The hare got behind the wheel and drove off. - And the third desire? - Asks the fish. The hare is silent. - And the third desire? - Again the fish asks. The hare drove a decent distance, got out of the car, went to the river and letting the fish out into the river said: “And the third desire: so that the wolf does not have a cock.”
Once upon a time there was one Jewish family in our country. They decided to rush to their historical homeland, and Isaac - one brother and his family left for Israel, and Abram - the second - remained in Russia. One day Abram comes to visit his family and discovers that Isaac has acquired his own shop. Abram comes to his store and finds such a picture: Isaac is standing behind the counter, and in front of him is a buyer. Isaac: - Well, you bought a fishing rod from me - and what do you catch on it from the shore? Buy a boat - swim in the middle of the lake, catch more! “Come on the boat,” the buyer answers. - Well, you have a boat. Imagine: you are fishing - it has begun to rain. What will you do? Uhhh! You need to buy a canopy! - says Isaac. “Well, let's also get a hinge,” the buyer says. - Look: you went fishing, sailed - where will you live? You need to buy a tent, you will live in it, - Isaac convinces the buyer. - Well, I’ll also buy a tent. The buyer put everything together, leaves. As soon as the door closes behind him, Abram asks his brother: “Listen, how did you manage to sell him such a bunch of junk?” “Yes, I am amazed myself,” Isaac answers. - Actually, his wife has monthly periods, he came to me for cotton wool, and I said to him: "What will you do for a whole week in the city - go fishing ..."
There is a man in the field, mows. A transistor receiver hangs on his chest. “Dear residents in the farms of the Uysky district!” - the receiver broadcasts. "Last night, a flying saucer landed in the area of the village of Zyutkeli. Friendly humanoids flew in to us. If you meet them, please, without any sudden movements, explain in simple understandable terms who you are, where you are from, do not be afraid, they’re not You’ll do nothing wrong. Signs of aliens: squat, hands to the ground, faces red, eyes a little bulging. Please, if you meet any of them, please inform the regional center for UFO problems. "The guy grinned at his beard (" Look, they’ll think of these are gorodstki! ") and calmly mows on. Done to the end of the meadow, turns back, looks - bah! is sitting! Squat, hands to the ground, erysipelas red and bulging eyes! A man with trembling lips says: - Grass ... - points to the ground, - scythe ... - to scythe, - scythe ... - pokes a finger at himself, - scythe ... - depicts the corresponding process. Alien not a word. - Grass ... Scythe ... Mowing ... Koshu ... - the man repeats. Silence again. The man also froze - not good, you see! .. Suddenly the alien comes to life and, pointing towards the forest, says: - Forest ... - points to himself, - forester ... I'm sitting ... Sru ...
There is a divorce proceedings, they ask your husband, what did you make you file for a divorce? -And she insulted me, she called me a shit. -Under what circumstances? -Yes, I come home, she sleeps with some man, she saw me and says: Look, shit how to do it!
The teacher asked an essay on the topic "What would I do if I got a million?" Half an hour later, one baby got up and went up to her, holding in her hands two sheets with some calculations. “Excuse me, Freken,” he said, “is it possible to add another 100 thousand?”
Two men argue about the quality of goods. First: Here we have a guy from the 20th floor somehow screwed up, a meter off the ground he hooked and remained alive, and the suspenders are intact. Second: So this is garbage, here we are, one from the 8th floor has screwed itself up to smithereens and felt boots are as good as new!
- I’m not doing anything with your bald head. See a surgeon. He will cut so that the hair is enough for the rest.
- I have been to several doctors and none agree with your diagnosis. “Well, let's wait for the autopsy.”
- The doctor is depressed. - Plunge headlong into work. What are you doing? - Knead the concrete ...
- Darling, why did I find Vogue cigarettes in the glove compartment of your car? -This Masha left, we fucked in my car ... -Don't lie! Masha does not smoke! -A ... Then Sveta from work, apparently ... I somehow brought her up ... remember, I returned home late at night? -You're lying again! Sveta smokes Marlboro! - Maybe Julia left? -Yulka does not smoke with menthol. And those were menthol. -Okay. All. Pressed. I can’t hide it anymore ... I have to admit to you ... It’s hard for me to do this, but, apparently, I have to. Don’t be upset, okay? In general ... yes ... I sometimes smoke menthol Vogue. But very rarely! Do you hear? VERY RARELY!
A camel-son and a camel-father are standing. Son: Dad, why do we need a hump on our backs? Father: In the hump, son, we accumulate water and when we go through the desert we are not tormented by thirst. S: Dad, why do we need such hooves? A: This is to walk on the sand and legs do not sag. S: Why do we need such big and hard lips? A: That it is possible to eat thorns in the desert S: Then dad explain to me, why the hell to us all this tuning in the Saratov Zoo? ...
> Artificial Intelligence quoted1>> "A man came to a sex shop. > -I want, he says, a rubber woman, recommend it. > -Please, there is the latest model, with artificial intelligence. > -And what is good? > -Biting, scratching-like a real one. > -Oh! cool, take it, wrap it. > -Sorry, but the instructions for it have not yet been translated from Chinese, no one knows how to use it, come for her after a fortnight. > -No, let's right now, I’ll figure it out somehow. > -Well, we warned. The only request is to visit us again, when you figure it out, tell us how to use it so that we can explain it to other customers. > -Not a question. > Two days later, the man returns, all bitten, scratched. > -Thank you, he says, very satisfied, scratched, bites, like a real one. > -And in artificial intelligence is expressed? > -And yes, what is expressed in ?! > -does not give. " Quoted1>> After the story of the joke, one girl with a dreamy expression on her face told her thoughts loudly. It turned out to be an order of magnitude cooler than a joke:> "Oh, I would have to have this artificial intelligence, well, at least a bit"
On the British border: Customs: - Your name? - Abdul Said. - Sex? - Four times a week. - No, no - male, female ... - Male, female, sometimes camel ...
A man rides on the top shelf of a compartment car. Suddenly at the station in the compartment a lady enters. She takes out vodka, appetizer and with relish uses it all. A man thinks that it would be nice to start a conversation, and begins: - Dear lady, what is your name? - And what to call me - right now I'll drink, have a snack and climb into it myself!
- Mr. Zhirinovsky, is it true that you have a housing crisis in your country? - Nonsense. These stupid rumors are spread by those who have nowhere to live.
A propaganda campaign for nominating candidates for something there. Agitators with leaflets walk around the apartments: - Sign the list for our candidate ... - And who is this and where from? - Well, Ivanov Ivan Ivanovich ... - Oh! Yes, I know him! - Well, excuse me, if so.
Sobchak became proud: “I can’t,” he says, “to drive in the same car as my driver!”
- Yesterday my wife fell ill, and today her mother came to take care of her. - Yes, trouble never comes alone.
- Do you always have a hamster with his paws up?
After the celebration of the New Year, two men meet: - Well, how did you meet the holiday? - Yes, I do not know, have not yet been told ...
A huge shepherd attacked the gasman. “Do not be afraid, do not be afraid,” the hostess shouts, “she has already received an injection from rabies.”
The army announced a competition for the best company. The company N2 from part N31188 won. The Minister of Defense gives the commander an award and says: “Well, Captain, how did you manage?” - Comrade General, in fact, we have served as Ensign Filippenko for 30 years, this is his merit. The Minister approaches the ensign: - Well, ensign, how did you manage? - Button up !!! - What?? - Button up, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah ... - Why, what ??? The captain in a whisper: - Button the collar, Comrade General, otherwise he will not repeat it for the third time.
A man comes to visit a friend in the village. Winter, frost, he sits on the stove, tipsy, plays the harmonica. - Great! - And where is the wife? - Yes, there’s chopping wood on the street. - Listen, somehow wrong! You play warm accordion in the warmth, and she cuts firewood in the cold! - And what can I do if she does not know how to play the harmonica!
Do not think! If you think, don’t speak. If you think and speak, do not write. If you think, speak and write, do not sign. If you think, say, write and sign - do not be surprised.
House. A man is sitting on a chair. Suddenly the door opened, he looks, and there is his dog. (m) - Are you drunk? (c) - No! (m) - Well, have a drink! (c) - Woof-woof-woof ... (m) - Come on! (c) - Lai-bai ...
Dialog in ICQ Kuzenka: How it works ??? Salt Elephant: п .... п. Salt Elephant: з ..... whether Kuzenka: Finger clamped ???
The hare (H) approaches the lion (L) (H) Hello, uncle the lion The lion does not pay attention The hare continues to molest and so several times, finally .. (L) Well, what do you want? (H) Uncle lion please tomorrow I will pass here, say hello to me please! and the next day the hare walks through the woods with his girlfriend .. (L) Hello, hare! (H) And you go fuck.
Late evening. Noisy company. A passerby walks past. They slow him down: - Uh, man, you can’t smoke? A passerby freezes for a second. Then he starts sniffing loudly, takes off his jacket, trousers, takes off his shoes, puts it all down and puts another wallet on top. He steps aside and squeezes through his teeth: - When will you just get a little smoke!
Dispatcher: - Attention, board 135, I call in touch! - Board 135 in touch! - Connect the first pilot's microphone. - This is impossible, the first pilot is drunk. - Then the co-pilot ... - The co-pilot is drunk. - Then give the commander! - And the commander was taken to the detoxification center on the ground. - And who is talking to me? - I-ick! Av-in-w-pilot!
Little Johnny puts on rubber boots. Mom tells him: - Little Johnny, it's dry on the street, there is no dirt and puddles. “And I will find,” he replies cheerfully.
The teacher asked an essay on the topic: "If I were the director of the company." Everyone carefully writes, and only Vovochka looks out the window. “Why don't you write?” - I'm waiting for the secretary!
Little Vovochka does not want to sleep. Father sits down in his bed and begins to tell him tales. Tells an hour, another. Finally, silence reigns in the room. Mother quietly opens the door and asks: - He fell asleep? “Yes, mother,” the son answers in a whisper.
It is painful for me to look at the true creators, who do not even suspect that they have already sat down and ride with might and main. I really like the heroine of Leo Tolstoy’s novel “War and Peace,” especially when she dances at a ball with Stirlitz. Many writers undertake to delve into the human soul (and often with unwashed hands). But they cannot be compared, no, with Dostoevsky, the master of the socio-psychological novel. My dad is a long-distance bus driver. My dad is a father by profession. Young hearts could not sit still, but walked with a broad step towards communism.
My faithful girlfriend is a friend of Tolik. We will not forget you, our beloved Taras Bulba, for your courageous heroism. On the bank of the river, the milkmaid milked a cow, but the opposite was reflected in the water. The picture shows a girl, a dog and her grandmother. A red five-pointed starlet with curly Volodya burns on my chest. On the battlefield there were screams and groans of the dead. At the kennel, Troekurov had racing dogs. The sledding faces of the guys rode on a sled. Napoleon had cancer and died on St. Helena.
We are surrounded by products of the "little man" society, and we ourselves are also products of this society, and it is very good that so far this product is poor quality. Natasha was a true Russian nature, she loved nature and often went to the yard. Natasha was connected with the people by a red thread. Natasha Rostova wanted to say something, but the opened door closed her mouth. Our distant ancestors made the revolution naked, barefoot, in bast shoes. Austerlitz sky broke Bolkonsky in half.
The beast of President Viktor Yushchenko to the People of Ukraine Shanovna Ukraine is huge, experienced in life, who have been politically strong, who have stretched out their remaining tensions, have reached out to reach their peace of mind, and have not been left to think twice before. On the happiness of that year, the situation suttno changed. Viktor Fedorovich Yanukovych Zashov in my camouflage room at the NATO camouflage camouflage with the M-16 gvintіvkoyu, having danced hopak and reading “Lock” without papyrt, to remember! Druzy, tsei gosadavnitsky vchinok not meg zalisiti less me bajuim. I submitted the candidacy of the leader of the Party on the review to the parliament. I am convinced that the deputies are promoting the husband to the order of the people. Dyakoy for respect
The little Scot came to the store, handed the owner a pot and said - Pour me twenty pence honey here. Well, he poured it. The boy takes the pot and says - And dad will bring you money tomorrow - I know your "tomorrow"! He took the pot, poured honey and put the kid out the door. And he went around the corner, looked into the pot and said: well, what, dad was right. There is enough for a couple of sandwiches!
A Jewish physicist comes to the OVIR: F: - I would like to emigrate. Official: - Why do you need, we will create paradise conditions, we will work for our pleasure! F: - Yes, I would, but my wife really wants to ... H: - Well, then persuade her! F: - Yes, I would, but my father-in-law really wants to ... H: - Well, yes, finally, let them go to themselves, and you stay! F: - Yes, I would, but I’m the only Jew in the family ...
Night. A woman is walking along a deserted street. Suddenly he sees a man running after her. She turned onto another street, he followed her; turned into an alley, and he followed her. I ran into the nine-story building, and he ran in. She's on the ninth, and he's on the ninth. I called back to all the apartments - no one opened, she clung to the wall in fear, closed her eyes .. He runs up to her, puts his hand on his shoulder: - And now you are catching up with me!
A young stenographer, after the chef dictated a letter to her: - Could you repeat what happened between "Dear Sirs ..." and "Sincerely Yours"?
Head - Secretary: - That you write love letters at work, I can understand, but why do you give them to me for signature?
Two secretary-typists are talking: - You seem to have graduated from the Institute of Heavy Engineering? - Yes, but then I decided to choose a car easier.
A lesson in Russian literature in a Georgian school. Teacher: - Well, Gogi, tell us a Russian verse. Gogi gets up and starts (telling with a characteristic accent): - A cockerel, a cockerel, a golden scallop, he sings in the mornings, he doesn’t let the children sleep, his mother fucks me mouth $ l.
A new Russian comes to the store: - I'm Porsche ... It is said - done! I left. An hour later, he arrives: - I got there ... a box flew ... The men looked and looked - for sure! Box .. In .. There, in general! No question - the warranty was replaced! An hour later, the same problem! Muzhiki: - Hey! Let us plant you for the sake of our laughter - it painfully wonders how it flies! - OK! Eat! The first speed - 60, the second - 100, the third - 180, the fourth - 250, the fifth - 310, the sixth - 360 ..... - And now ... ROCKET! The new Russian said, vpybaya lever where, where the letter R is drawn ...
Georgian enters the store. - Give me sweets, what are they called there? "I am you" ... - ??? - Well ... "You him" ... - ??? “Ah, I remembered AnAnas!”
A Georgian traffic cop stops a car. - Rights. - That’s a great deal, please ... - Come out, you need to inspect the salon. - There is no problem, darag, pzhalsta ... - Open the trunk. - Listen daraga, I give you 10 thousand and we ne budem to open the luggage. - Open the trunk! - Daragoi, 50 thousand? - The trunk !!! - 200 thousand !? The traffic cop sees that the case smells of blood - for the gun. - Discover !!! - Listen daraga, I tebe 200 thousand offered? And you refused? Here is the trunk for you, please ... And it's empty. A spare wheel, a cable ... A traffic cop in amazement: - So what did you perform? - Uh, darago, it’s me and you who played in “Field of Miracles”!
Two Georgians are sleeping. One: - Gogi, is this your dick in my ass? - Yes, I'll pull it out now. - I’m tebe hanging around, go to sleep.
Student hostel. A girl runs into the room and shouts: “Girls, take off your underpants rather — the boys will come to visit us now!” A pause ... The rustle of skirts ... - What are you doing fools ?! Take off the rope!
Three dogs are sitting in the corridor of the veterinarian - a shepherd dog, a Doberman, and a dog aside from them. Waiting for a reception, talking. Doberman asks the shepherd: - Why did you get here? - Oh, they brought castration. - What for? - Yes, I remained to guard one house, suddenly I smell the smell from under the fence - the flowing bitch is running. Well, I follow her. While I found her, while I fucked, the house was surrounded. The mistresses of the fur coat took out equipment and the safe was opened. In general, the owner said that he didn’t dick me anymore for knots. - Yes, I have something better. I went to the park with the mistress for a night. I feel - somewhere a flowing bitch runs through. I followed her while dryuchit, the hostess herself was fucked, the rings were removed, the fur coat was removed. In general, me too on castration. Listen, let’s ask the dog, he, poor one, probably also got it. “I, too, was left alone with the mistress of the house,” said the dog, “woke up, ate, drank, I looked: she was leaving the shower, all pinkish, in a transparent peignoir, smelling odorous. She got her back to me, bent down to make the bed ... Well, I could not stand how I planted it! - Well, you poor thing! “No, you hit it.” They brought me here for a manicure.