My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories
A prostitute with Tverskaya comes to the gynecologist, complains of any disorders. Doctor: - Yes, you have problems. Do you lose a lot during your period? - Of course, a lot! Consider somewhere two bucks.
- See, and you can lose your eyes! - I do not see!
The director tells the author of the script: - I liked the script, you just need to simplify some of the dialogues, so that any idiot can understand. - Good. What exactly are the places you do not understand?
Boris Moiseev was not accepted into the party? Women of Russia? because of immoral behavior. It turned out that, compared with other women, he had too many men.
- Mom, the guys in the yard called me a chode! - Well, what are you, son! What are you goof? - In the courtyard they say that specific!
Pretty Russian woman goes to Tbilisi, looking at the map. Passing by one grouzin, he asks: - How to get to Shota Rustaveli street? Gorzin: - Wai, why are you asking so, huh? Let's go to my lady now, sit down at the table, drink some wine, eat shchellyk, talk, I draw you a scheme ... Woman (interrupting): - Stop! According to this scheme, today I already have two times%.
- If each of you convinces you to quit drugs at least 5 people in a week, we will let you go. A week later, one drug addict reported: - I recruited 10 people. - How? - I used the circle method. I drew a large circle, and next to it was a small one and said: the first circle is your brain before taking drugs, and the second - after. Second addict: - I recruited 175 people - Oh, well! And How? - I also used the circle method. Only I said that the small circle is your hole in the ass before prison, and the big one after.
Three stages of intoxication: 1. Language is untied. 2. Hands are untied. 3. And then unfortunately the laces are untied. Somehow, a general came to a remote military unit in Central Asia with a check. He examined everything, and then he says: “Everything is good here, but with the women there is tension ... There is no order ...” We have for this, ”they answer him,“ there is a camel in the shed, behind the piece. ” The general went there ... And after a while, it’s all so contented, zipping up. - Yes, you came up with a camel wonderfully !!! - Yes, Comrade General! We are on it to the girls in the next village we go!
Never beat a bedridden person, because he can stand up.
The last words of a recruit with a combat grenade: - Until what time, you say, should I count?
On the parade ground. - Platoon, quietly! Private Petrov! - I! - Break down by 10 steps! - There is! .. Comrade Lieutenant, do not go further - the wall .. - And then do not. Platoon, aim! ..
One lady tells a gentleman about her first husband: - I met him at 20, and left him at 23. - Yes, I think that three hours is enough.
Two drug addicts are sitting in an apartment and smoking the truth. At once - a call to the doorway. One to another says: - Vasya, go and see who is there. He went to the door, looked into the peephole and shouted to his friend: - To sing, there are some two men and two women. Petya: - E% at, open - this is "ABBA".
- Excuse me, girl, do you happen to know what virgins eat at breakfast? - No idea. - I thought so!
A boy walks into a toy store, pulls the saleswoman a banknote from the game “Monopoly” and says: - Give me a plush tiger, please. - Boy, this money is not real. - So after all, the tiger is also unreal!
Husband and wife sunbathe on the beach. Suddenly, my husband asks: - Honey, what is the name of a small shaggy creature with 32 legs and a red skin? - I do not know, I do not like riddles. And what is it? - I don't know either, but now I'll try to shake it off you ...
Two soldiers were sent to kindergarten to repair electrical wiring, after which the children began to swear obscenities in black. The head goes to complain to the lieutenant. That summons both soldiers. - expressed? - No, comrade lieutenant. Private Sidorov was soldering wires, I kept a stepladder at the bottom. Then melted tin began to drip on my head. - What about you? - And I say: Private Sidorov, do me a favor, do not, please, pour melted tin over your head.
There is a draft board. Two twins are undergoing medical examination. The first one leaves the office, the second asks: - Well, what did they take? - No, the commission. - Pass for me again, but I do not want to undress. A few minutes later he comes out and says: - You took.
- What will happen if I walk along the street naked? - It will be regarded as disorderly conduct. - And if hooliganism is not petty?
- Oh, girls, and I am so complex about my appearance! - Come on! Take an example from me! For example, I do not complex at all about your appearance!
- Sorry, sir, but I can not let you into the casino! You are without a tie! - So what?! But this one is generally naked! - Yes, sir! But he goes ..
- Mom, Sergey made me an offer! - True? And what did you say? - I do not know yet. He offers a choice: either in his home or in nature?
Sit husband and wife at the table and argue: - Here you get 500 bucks a month, me? 300, we hand over vodka bottles to 200. Where do we just go for money?
There are two friends. One asks the other: - Are you after sex talking to your wife? - Well, if you call ...
- When's your birthday? - October 5th. - What year? - Each.
- What is the difference between cheating a husband and cheating a tax inspector? - If you deceive the tax inspector, he will not lose his desire to leave you.
The artist draws a nude model. She finishes the drawing and tells her: - Let's go and have some coffee. The model puts on a dressing gown, they go to the kitchen, put on coffee, and then they hear that the key is turned in the lock. - Oh, - says the artist, - This is the wife has returned ... Quickly undress !!!
At the lesson the teacher asks: - What excites a person most of all? - The body of a naked woman! - Vovochka, sitting on the first desk, answers. - Get out of class! And bring your father! The next day, Little Johnny came alone and sat down at the last desk. - Why didn't you bring your father? Why did you sit at the last desk? the teacher asks. - Dad said that if you are not excited by a naked woman, then you are a fag, and you need to stay away.
- Dear, you coffee in the bed? - No! Better in the cup.
A restaurant visitor turns to a waiter: - Do you have something to eat? - I can offer copper wire.
Cum at the peasant guy. What to do? I found a sliver and wrote on it: - A red wreath. Just abandoned the bait - right there bite. A guy is pulling, dragging ... Looks, and this is false. And on him inscription: - Awesome bream.
- How many new Russians are required to put in a light bulb? - One. He climbs onto the table himself, twists himself and slips himself ... And then he wakes up screaming. - How many psychos do you need to screw in a light bulb? - Two. One twists the light bulb, and the second is the light bulb.
At the reception of the surgeon (in the past vet): - What worries you? - You see, doctor, I have hemorrhoids. - Well, well, we'll see. Arrange the hind legs to the sides and lift the tail ...
Question in the questionnaire before the operation: - To call in case of emergency? Answer: - A more qualified surgeon.
I do not have breakfast in the morning, because thinking of you. In the afternoon I do not eat lunch - I think about you. I do not have dinner in the evening - I think about you. I do not sleep at night - WANT TO EAT !!!
At the reception at the pediatrician: - Well, what is our name? - Vasya. - Uh, what are we, Vasya ... And how old are we? - Autumn will be six !! - Ooh, how optimistic we are !!
The husband returns home earlier than usual. My wife has a lover. My wife runs out to meet her husband with a trash can: - Dear, until you undressed, please take out the trash. While the husband takes out the garbage, the lover runs out the stairs to the upper floor, then safely goes unnoticed. He goes and thinks: what a clever one! Comes to his home. His wife meets with a trash can: - Dear, until you undressed, please throw out the garbage. The husband takes out the garbage and thinks: - Well, what a fool - all day at home, and there is no time to throw out the garbage!
Manya and Vanya - painters. They paint the high-rise wall on the 10th floor level. Suddenly Van was impatient in a small way. - Hey, Man! Can `t stand! - And you come straight from the cradle! - Yes, you sho! There are people down there! - And you go too far stronger, just get into the fountain! - Yes, I'm on ** nus! - Not at all! I'll keep you up! - Hard? - Hard! Come on! Well, Vanya got on the edge of the cradle, Manya holding him behind the belt by his belt, and he leaned forward strongly and facilitated right into the pool. Beauty! And then Mane was impatient to sneeze! Kaak sneezes and ... released Vanya, and he went down as a sack with shit ..... A few months passed. And here in one merikansky bar three women sit and argue, where men are the most eager for women. First: - I was here in Paris just now, so these French did not let me pass. Everyone strove to bed to drag! It is in their order of things! Second: - Her, the most eager are the Mexicans. I was there recently. They are all so sweaty, hairy! Straight eyes undress! Cum as much from ears rushing! Third: - All this is nonsense! The wildest men in Russia! Here think for it! A couple of months ago I was in Moscow. I walk down the street past the fountain. Suddenly I hear a sound from above. I raise my head and see: a man is flying at me! The fly undone, and he holds his hands for a member and yells: - P I - I - And% Y A - A - A !!! ...
One of the two eternal Russian problems can, in principle, be solved with the help of asphalt pavers and rollers. But with the roads, of course, it will be more difficult.
A mother comes up to her son and says: - Vasya, you have 10 rubles, take our pig to the boar, we should make an offspring! Vasya got ready, sat on a motorcycle, put the pig in the cradle, put his helmet on and went. He rides past the forest and thinks: “What am I taking the pig to the boar? I’m doing it for myself in the forest, and I’ll drink 10 rubles!” And he did. The next day, the situation repeats. Mother asks to bring the pig to the boar, so surely! Vasya got ready again, put the pig next to him in the cradle, put the helmet on, and drove past the scape. Again the pig fucked and drank the money. On the third day, the mother says to his son: - Vasya, I don’t know where you drove our pig, but she’s already sitting on a motorcycle and wearing a helmet !!!
At the reception, wife's husband: - Shame on you! After all, you already ran ten times with a plate for food! Not ashamed?! - No, I said it for you.
These rates are set for visitors who want the bartender to answer the phone calls from their wives: 100 p. - "He just left"; 200 r. - "He did not come today"; 300 r. - "I have not seen him for several days"; 500 r. - "And who is it?"
New yogurt from Danon "Ukrainian" - now with pieces of bacon!
New dean's action. Collect three tails and you can now exchange them for new tarpaulin boots for free.
Military unit? ... Smoking room. Sit 4 lieutenants. One suggests going to the commander of the unit to ask for a vacation. We got up. The commander comes first: - Comrades Colonel, Lieutenant Pupkin. Resolve on vacation. - What! On vacation, you say? Come on rationalization proposal innovation) - go on vacation! - Easy! You have mowed the grass under the soldiers' window. Why is he waving a scythe in one direction? Let him tie the second braid, let him mow left and right! - Well done! On vacation! A second one comes in: ... - Come on, a quick offer ... - Easy! You have mowed the grass under the soldiers' window. Che, he waving his scythe? Let's tie him to the spit forks, even if he puts them in heaps right away! - Well done! On vacation! A third one comes in: ... - Give us a quick offer ... - Easy! You have mowed the grass under the soldiers' window. Che waving his scythe back and forth, folding the grass in piles? Let's tie a trolley to it, let it go right away! - Well done! On vacation! The fourth comes in: ... - Let's make a quick offer ... - I don't know. - Well, ooo ... So go think. Come up come! It turns out the lieutenant on the porch, smokes nervously, is "turnip wrinkles." And here this soldier comes to him. With this crap in his hands with a tied cart, all sweaty, exhausted. And so viciously, asks the lieutenant: - Che, comrade lieutenant, do you want to go on vacation ?! - Yes-ah ... - B ... b, you can't think of a rationalization offer ?! - Yes-a ... - B ... b, FARU I HAVE A FALL !!! FARU !!! TO NIGHT ON THE BARE !!!
A man walks into a pharmacy: - Girl, give me a medical liter. - Do you have a recipe? (suspiciously) - Eh, there would be a recipe, I would make it myself ...
The husband shaves in front of the mirror and says to his blonde wife: - I don’t shave my razor !! Wife: - Strange, but she cut linoleum well ...
A call from the party committee to the church: - Father, podsobit chairs, tomorrow the party meeting - there is no place to put people. - I'm not giving it! Last time gave. All backs used foul words! - Aaaaa! Do not give chairs - we will not give the pioneers to the church choir. - Do not give the pioneers in the church choir - I will not give the monks on Saturday. - Do not give the monks to the clean-up day - figs to you, not the Komsomol members at the religious procession. - There will be no members of the Komsomol for the religious procession - there will be no nuns for you in the sauna !!! - But for such words, father, you can put a party card on the table !!!
Three men are arguing about whose profession is older. Builder: - Yes, our profession is the oldest. We have built the Egyptian pyramids. Gardener: - Yes, how can you? Our experts still planted the Garden of Eden. Electric: - What are you arguing? Even before God said, "Let there be light," we already had all the wiring done.
No matter what you are looking for on the Internet, at least one porn site will match your search criteria.
One therapist is 1024 gigapevt, or 1048576 megapevts!
A group of tourists goes to the Ussuri taiga. Suddenly, a tiger jumps out of the thicket. - No panic, the tiger is full! - states the conductor. One of the tourists: - Damn, I also pissed.
The son-in-law comes into the room, and the mother-in-law with a broom sees there, he stands, he asks her: - Mom, did you start cleaning or where are you going?
- Comrade Major, what to do if I suddenly step on a mine? - Standard procedure, Lieutenant. We'll have to jump 30 meters up and spread over a wide area.
DʻArtagnan left Paris for his pendants, but in the outskirts of his horse the Arabs burned.
- Mohammed, they are calling from Renault. They ask not to stop our actions, they promise 100 francs for each burned car. - We are honest people! Reject their offer, but let us know that we are ready to return to it as soon as our exclusive contract with Citroen ends.
Party at the hut. DJ on vinyls. Ecstasy. Cocaine with a credit card. Someone brand swallows. Someone speeds fucked. Complete chaos, in short. Doorbell. They are opening - on the threshold a grandfather with a bag of grass behind his back: - I heard, are they poisoning you here with any kind of chemistry?
The penguin living in the apartment made it very difficult for everyone to sleep at night, splashing about the rooms. Especially for him, a pair of slippers were nailed to the floor in different corners, he came across them at night and stood so sadly until the morning ...
husband and wife are watching a horror movie. The screen appears HORROR. Wife: -Oh mom ... Husband: -Things? Looks like ...
One Georgian calls his brother on the phone and hears: - Givi, we had a misfortune yesterday ... Yesterday our father climbed up a tree to pick apples ... - Well? .. - Givi, a terrible thing happened ... - ??? - He fell from this damn apple, Givi! .. (pause) In general, Givi, we lost our father ... A long silence at both ends of the wire. Then, Givi, realizing: - Listen, Vakhtang, and you watched under a tree ???
A call from the police station to the Russian embassy: - There is not your man sleeping on a park bench without documents? - Is he sober? - Not! Nearby is a bottle! - Finished? - unfinished! - This is not our man!
University. Reading room. Session. Fully crowded, getting ready. Another student approaches one student: - Listen! Yes, you keep the book upside down! - What are you, Freud or what? - What does Freud have to do with it? - This is a book! What are her legs ?! You still say that I look between the pages ...
Newlyweds in tears calling the mother: -We have a family scene played out here! Horror! - Calm down, daughter, do not worry. In each family, the first conflicts once arise. -Yes, I know it. And with the corpse what to do?
Husband arrived from a business trip a day earlier. It feels like someone was at home with his wife. The whole house turned over, can not find. He looks under the bed, sees, there is a naked man sitting and giving him $ 100. The husband takes the money and says: - Strange, and here it is not.
New slogans for the host program "Weak Link" - Who has not studied at vocational schools, because he did not pass the competition "2 places per person"? - Who for 25 years gave a puzzle of 4 pieces? - Whose mom thought a beer tummy? - Who in bowling grabbed his head with three fingers and threw into the pins? - Who is dancing sober Serdyuchka? - Who made the birdhouse from the guitar and forgot to remove the strings? - Who does repeated fluorography because he blinked? - Who on April 1 spoiled himself under the door, rang and ran away, and then came back and burst into tears? - Who are the parents allowed to walk late, and moved themselves?
The new shaving machine from Gilette: the 1st blade shaves clean, the 2nd is even cleaner ... 27 gently polishes the bones.
- Mom, and mom !!! Why does our dad sit under the bed? - Quiet baby! Dad is the boss in the house - where he wants, he sits there !!
Walking down the street - the weather is wonderful, the mood is just great. Oh god Do so that everyone around has the same good mood !!! Slip, fall into a puddle. Everyone around rejoices, laugh, bastards ... !!!
One day, a little girl went into the woods and got lost. But this Christmas story, like everything, ended well: no one noticed the girl’s disappearance - and the celebration continued!
Then he wanted to smell the flame from the lighter. It turns out it smells like burnt hair from the nose.
Patient doctor: - Doctor, I recently can not tell where I am, in real life or on the Internet ... The doctor tilts his head to the side, smiles and says: - Gee-gee-gee, x @ yase!
A sad man enters the store: - Hello, do you remember me? I bought balls from you yesterday. - I will find out. Do you need more balls? - Not. I complain to you - they are defective. - What is it - do not hold the air? - No, that's all right. - And then what? - They do not make me happy ...
In the seventh volume of Yu. Semenov’s work “17 Moments of Spring” a typo crept in. In encryption on page 537, the 7th line is superyy instead of 6354 8923 9047 should read 6354 8923 9048. The editors apologize.
From the conversation of two surgeons: - Well, how was the operation? - Yes, nonsense ... With anesthesia boring ...
Yesterday, the 98-year-old Russian philosopher A. Sidorov was awarded the Nobel Prize for 50-volume work: “What does a woman need?”.
The inscription on the bottle - "Add to Favorites" The inscription on the glass - "Make homepage"
Looking for a kind and beautiful girl ... tired to fuck the evil and terrible.
- Will you drink? - Nope. - And if I run away?
If we consider the population according to the statements of mobile operators about the number of subscribers they have, then we will soon overtake China by population!
Judging by the anecdotes, in the Georgian baths all the soap dishes are bolted to the floor. User's hands entered the idiot team and will be amputated
The foreman bypasses the line of recruits. - So, what is your education? - Seven classes! - Good! - By you? - MSU! - What are mooing, can you read?
- It is bad to drink vodka in the cold. - Why bad? - A bottle in the teeth knocking.
Darth Vader has everything in the table. Maps of different galaxies and Gagarin's portrait.
Valentine's Day ... What only lovers will not do for each other ... But everything is broken about the harsh reality: "Well @ p I will not give!".
If you find it difficult to gnaw the granite of science - try to suck.
The limit of self-love: at the time of orgasm shout out his own name.
What a sober girl has in her mind is a drunken mouth.
My dear mother-in-law, I congratulate you on Halloween's, your professional holiday!
On the streets of Moscow, a survey was conducted on "How Muscovites treat visitors". The answers were approximately as follows: 40% answered: "Of course, Puskai come to our capital"; 40% answered: "Rumor that sho shoo us what's the difference"; 20% answered: "I don? T know!"
A couple after sex: - Well, here we are goner people. . .
Yesterday, the teacher of the Russian language was drunk at the Wallpaper store. She tried to fix the store sign on "Oba". The girl in the store: - please give me one brush, one yogurt, one bun and one coffee seller: - you probably live alone? - and how did you guess? - yes you bl @ be a terrible shop @ sdets !!
- Girl, you understand, I’m not offering to every girl ... - You, young man, do not be discouraged, I refuse to not everyone, either.
Going drunk in the woods. Hears - cuckoo. -Kukushka, cuckoo, how old is my life left? Uk-Uk. -What does it mean? “You bitch, you have lived two extra years.”
- Why are you going so sad? - Pro's wife ... - How is pro ..? In what sense is a project ...? - How, how, through ...
Let the snot with ice in the nose ring, But still I feel the fifth point, That the night will be shorter than the day, Spring will come, the kidneys will swell - And the girls will undress, beckoning, Tights will be replaced with stockings, And again the tricky locks will please me ...
- Dad, do you have beer? - No, son, drink it.
Interestingly, in the name of the postal protocol POP3, is the triple a number, or a smiley synonym for the first three letters?
- And my dog left home yesterday. - Where? - I gave her the command to "serve", and she put on a helmet and went into the army.
- Mom, look, I'm strong, like dad - I also broke the pitchfork! - B @ I, another mud @ to grows (
Today in the pharmacy: Gel-lubricant for anal sex "Johnson and Johnson"
Dropped vodka on the floor. Torn off Vasya's hands ...
The laws of corporate drinking 1. If the organizer of drinking makes a time period for the beginning of drinking, then everyone will come at the very last time. 2. The organizer of drinking will definitely be late for her. 3. Corporate booze is sure to end in the wrong place where it began. 4. On any drunk there will definitely be a person who wants to give in the face, so that he finally calms down. 5. Be sure there is a person who will brazenly solicit the attention of the Chief Commander. 6. If a drunk man starts talking about work, then he is the most drunk. 7. If you enter into a discussion with him, then very soon the Chief Superior will leave. 8. And this is where the real separation begins. 9. After drinking, at least two of those present will try to have sex. 10. Hangover and being late the next day is forgiven only to the organizers of drinking
A phone call to the provider: - I have a problem again. - What, you can not enter? - Login failed, but does not want to suck! - Hmm. We are not to blame - we have a wide channel ... - And where is the channel ?! Who am I talking to? Is this a helpline?
Babuluka comes to the doctor for examination. The doctor examined her and said: “You have a weak heart, something ... You know what, do not go home on the ladder yet. A month later, granny is re-examined. Doctor: - Well! heart is strong, you can walk again on the stairs home! - Well, finally, and so my dear for @ # @ las, climb the window through the sewer!
Two narka go late at night in the city, tired of no strength to go. One to the other: - And there’s the bus depot. Let me get in and steal a bus, and you're on the stand. And then we get to the house. No sooner said than done. The first one climbed into the park, the second one waits, but the friend is still gone. I decided to look at the reason for the delay. I went inside, and there Kent was torn between the buses. - What are you? - I can't find the fifth route! - Fool, steal the sixteenth, we will reach the market, and there are only two stops on foot!
There are two prostitutes and a hockey player. The first prostitute: - The worst thing in our work is an abortion. The second agrees: - Yes, abortion is bad. Hockey player (thoughtfully): - Yes, about the board ... and another stick on the turnips.
There is a man throwing garbage, vizit - a woman lies. A man to her: - Well, count to three - 1, 2, 3 - And now back - 3, 2, 1 A man is scratching a turnip: - Strange, someone threw such a good and stupid woman ...
A man walks through the woods. Datoy. Suddenly an elk runs on him and knocks a peasant to the ground. Just get up - the bear runs after the elk, knocks down the peasant again, and without even noticing it, runs farther. Already an evil man jerks up and sees the hare running into him. The muzhik begins to smile maliciously ... After a second, he finds himself on the ground, and the hare runs away. And then there is a voice from heaven: - Man, and man! You would be away from the carousel ...
Dorm. One student approaches another: - Vasya, do you know what the difference is between a curtain and toilet paper? - No ... - So this is you, INFECT !!! Three Jews are talking: - When I die, I would like to lie next to Moses Solomonovich. - Why? - Decent was a man! - And I would like to lie next to Abram Markovich, a very worthy man! - And I would like to lie next to Rosa Moiseyevna. “Listen, but is she still alive !?” - Here!
Father and son went fishing. They sat down and threw fishing rods, sit, no cool. - Son, there pearl mother boils, throw in the water, bite will begin. - Folder, and I ate all the pearl barley. What to do? - Come on, nothing terrible. Son, there mother fried potatoes, so you throw it into the water, zhor begin. - Folder I ate potatoes. What to do? - Come on, nothing terrible. There my mother made sandwiches, you can eat sausage, and bread in water. In half an hour a small fish will do, the bite will be excellent. - Folder, I eaten sandwiches. What to do? - What to do, what to do, eat up the worms and go home !!!
Voentur offers: Unique tours of Europe on the T-72 tank! Warsaw, Berlin, Prague. Rest near the best hotels. You only pay for diesel fuel. Departure - as the manning battalions.
Evening in the village. A couple is sitting on the bench. He smokes a cigarette. She nibbles sunflower seeds. Complete silence. An hour passes. She: - Well, am I going to go? He: - Sit down. Another hour passes. She: - Well, am I going to go? He: - Sit down. Another hour passes. She silently gets up and leaves. He (the carcass of a cigarette): - Hmm ... I did not give it.
Sitting addict in the park on the bench. A small, cheerful girl cuts around him. She sings a song and every time she clicks on the addict’s nose, while she’s loud: “Pee-and-and-and-i-i!” It turns out something like this: --Lya-la-la-la-la-la-PIIIIIP! Finally, the girl runs away and the narik remains alone. Slowly raising his hand, he tries to press his nose several times and, without hearing the usual "PI-and-and-and-i-i", says in his heart: --Broken, n @ dl!
- You will not help me? - What's the problem? - I have the text here in the .txt format, but I have to - in the .doc format ... How to do this? - The format is different, say? Then write - format, space ... Do you have text where? On Tse? So write - Tse, colon, and Enter press! - And help? - The most powerful tool ...
- Once I dreamed of the East, I wanted to know religion, studied philosophy, read books, but then I was poured "Lipton" tea ... and let me go.
Sit talking pop and deacon. Deacon- "Here's the father lived up to what ... I am walking yesterday through the park, and the youth are lying in broad daylight. The boys and girls are hugging, kissing, squeezing ..." Pop- "Well, this is my God ... That's my meal the other day in the train, went out into the vestibule with a smoke, and there .... The male individual placed the female in the lowest bow and BLEACHED. And then she pulled out her fornication and wiped my robe with these words, "It is a sin to smoke the Holy Father in the lobby .. . "
Vano! What did you see in Moscow? - wah! I went to ballet! - Balat? How is it? - Ah, this is a big hall, ludei is the sea! The curtain is rising - the naked females are running out of the mail: the men have run there — men! Ran here - Nat men! A naked man runs up the mail - he raised one woman, sniffed - not his woman! He picked up another, sniffed - it wasn’t his woman! He picked up another one, sniffed - his woman !!! Grabbed, carried in a corner odin - net seats! Bore in another - nat places! Here and there is a fall, but he cannot find mest. I got vseh! People already started shouting to him themselves - "Ebis! Ebis !!!"
A real American is proud of his birthplace of the United States, who defeated Hitler in the Vietnam War in Chechnya!
Rebuild queue to the store. In the queue thinner intellectual in glasses. A burly scream is pushed through the queue with shouts: - Pass the disabled person, ## d! Yes, I'm premature! I was born for seven months !!! Skip the disabled person !!! Intilligent (wiping the glasses): - Comrades, I think that I will not be mistaken, having expressed the general opinion - to send a comrade to n ## do another two months.
The Great Patriotic War. There is a fight. The Russians are losing out. Three people remained in the trench. Two straights and gay. There are no ammunition either, only a gay man has a grenade. Sit, praying for what will carry ... and see the German tank advancing on them. The naturals are gay: - Throw a grenade, blow up the tank and everything will be ok ... Gay: - What are you ... boys in the same place! ... It takes some time. The tank is getting closer ... The naturals are gay: - Throw a grenade, then it will be too late. Gay: - What do you mean, boys in the same place !!! ... A tank approaches almost to the trench itself ... Naturals: - Throw a grenade ... otherwise neither you nor the boys will be ... At this time the tank stops , the hatch of the hatch leans back and Fritz gets out: - Ma-Alchiki, get away-itte ... and then ask-a-avlyu!
“Tell me, man, is there friendship between men?” - Well, first it happens ... But then nature still takes its toll!
The village girl married, went to Moscow. Writing a letter home:
"Hello, mom and dad! Well, I live well, everyone is happy! My husband is just a giant of sex - she puts me on the bed, climbs on the closet, jumps from above and goes straight to the point!"
Two weeks later, he received a telegram: "ARRIVE THE PTA BITCH OUT PTA FATHER BROKEN POCH".
- Lenka, well, and how do you like your new boyfriend?
- Oh well, sluggish somehow, as if he was raised in a greenhouse!
- In the sense - so-so cucumber?
- Why does a man, unlike a woman, more often show his true desires?
- Because it has no others.
The husband comes home, hears - Indian music plays in the apartment, sandalwood sticks burn, and the wife in the lotus position on the carpet is meditating ...
- What the hell ?!
- Why, I'm going to Tibet ...
- Fuck, it would be better if you ever got together for a blowjob!
I sent my husband's wife to the store to buy pads. A peasant in a bummer, it's cold outside, and shameful - but you have to go ... He goes into the hygiene department - and there are only women and pads in the window display of a hundred ... He’s even more misaligned ...
Then the department manager noticed the poor fellow - and let him ask at the top of his voice:
- What do you need gaskets for? Every day either intense, classical or tanga, white or black ... etc.
People in the store are beginning to look around, smiling maliciously.
- Man - why are you silent, so why do you need gaskets?
The man could not stand it and how he would bury the whole store:
- For pussies, I need pads, for P & I !!!!
Then I thought and added:
- WARM !!!