My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories
A prostitute from Tver comes to a gynecologist, complains of all kinds of frustration. Doctor: - Yes, you have a problem. During the months you lose a lot? - Of course, a lot! Count, somewhere about two bucks.
"You see, you can lose your eyes!" - I do not see!
The director tells the script's author: - I liked the script, you just need to simplify some of the dialogues, so that any idiot could understand. - Good. Which places do you not understand?
Boris Moiseyev was not accepted into the party? Women of Russia? because of immoral behavior. It turned out that, compared to other women, he had too many men.
"Mom, they called me in the yard in bad luck!" - Well, you, son! What kind of fuck are you? - In the yard they say that it's concrete!
A pretty Russian woman walks through Tbilisi looking at the map. Walking past one gruzin, he asks: "How to get to Shota Rustaveli Street?" Gruzin: - Wai, why are you trying so hard, huh? Let's go to the lady now, we'll sit at the table, drink some wine, we'll eat it, talk, I'll draw you a diagram ... The woman (stopping): - Stop! According to this scheme, I have already two times today.
- If each of you after a week persuades to throw drugs at least 5 people, we'll let you go. A week later, one drug addict reports: - I enlisted 10 people. - How? - I used the method of circles. I drew a large circle, and next to a small one and said: the first circle is your brain before using drugs, and the second - after. Second addict: - I recruited 175 people - Come on! And How? - I also used the method of circles. Only I said that the small circle is your hole in the ass to the prison, and the big one after.
Three stages of intoxication: 1. The tongue is loosened. 2. The hands are untied. 3. And then, as luck would have it, the laces are untied. A general came to the remote military unit in Central Asia with a check. He inspected everything, and then said: "Everything is all right with you, but here's the tension with the women ... Not order ..." "For us," they answer, "there is a camel in the barn, behind the piece." The general went there ... And after a while, everything is so pleased, fastening his pants. - Yes, you came up with a camel! "Yes, Comrade General!" We are on it to the girls in the neighboring village we go!
Never hit a bed, because he can get up.
The last words of the recruit with a grenade: - To what extent, you say, should I count?
On the parade ground. "A platoon, sir!" Private Petrov! - I! - Get out of action for 10 steps! "There is! .. Comrade lieutenant, you can not go any farther - the wall." "And then you do not need to." Platoon, aim! ..
One lady tells the gentleman about her first husband: - I met him at 20, and left him at 23. - Yes, I think that three hours is enough.
Two narkomana sit in the quarters and smoke the tavern. Inside - call in the door. One of the other says: - Vasya, go and see who is there. He went up to the door, looked in the peephole and cried to his friend: - Sing, there are some two men and two women. Petya: - E% ah, open it is "ABBA".
- Excuse me, girl, do you happen to know that they eat virgins in the morning? - No idea. - I thought so!
The boy enters the toy store, hands the saleswoman a banknote from the game "Monopoly" and says: "Give me, please, a plush tiger." "Boy, this money is not real." "So the tiger is also not real!"
The husband and his wife are sunbathing on the beach. Suddenly her husband asks: "My dear, what is the name of a small shaggy creature with 32 paws and a red skin?" - I do not know, I do not like riddles. And what is it? "I do not know either, but now I'll try and shake you off ..."
Two soldiers were sent to the kindergarten, to repair the wiring, after which the children began to swear in a black way with a mat. The manager goes to complain to the lieutenant. He calls both soldiers. - Expressed? "No, Comrade Lieutenant." Private Sidorov used to solder wires, I kept a stepladder on the bottom. Then the molten tin began to drip onto my head. - What about you? "And I say: Private Sidorov, do me a favor, do not drip, please, with molten tin on your head."
There is a conscription commission. Two twins undergo a physical examination. The first one leaves the office, the second one asks: "Well, have you taken it?" - No, they did. - Go for me again, or you do not want to undress. A few minutes later he comes out and says: - They took you.
"What happens if I walk down the street naked?" - It will be regarded as petty hooliganism. - And if hooliganism will not be petty?
- Oh, girls, and I'm so complex about my appearance! - Come on! Take an example from me! I, for example, do not complex about your appearance!
"I'm sorry, sir, but I can not let you in at the casino!" You without a tie! - So what?! But this one is generally naked! - Yes, sir! But it comes out ..
- Mom, Sergei made me an offer! - True? And what did you answer? - I do not know yet. He proposes a choice: either at home or in nature?
The husband and wife are sitting at the table and reasoning: - Here you receive 500 bucks a month, I? 300, we hand over vodka bottles to 200. Where do we just get the money?
There are two friends. One of the other asks: - Are you after sex, with your wife talking? "Well, if he calls ..."
- When's your birthday? - 5th of October. - What year? - Everyone.
- What is the difference between cheating and deceiving the tax inspector? - If you deceive the tax inspector, he will not lose his desire to work out.
The artist draws a nude model. Finishes drawing and says to her: - Let's go coffee with a drink. The model wears a robe, they go to the kitchen, put coffee, and then hear - in the lock the key turns. - Oh, - says the artist, - This is the wife returned ... Quickly undress!
At the lesson the teacher asks: - What excites the person most of all? "The body of a naked woman!" - answers Vovochka, sitting on the first desk. "Get out of class!" And bring your father! The next day Vovochka came alone and sat down at the last desk. "Why did not you bring your father?" Why sat down at the last desk? the teacher asks. - Dad said that if you are not excited by a naked woman, then you are a fagot, and you need to stay away from you.
- Dopogoy, are you safe in the middle? - No! Better in the cache.
The visitor of the restaurant turns to the waiter: - Do you have something to eat? "I can offer a copper wire."
Finished by the peasant man. What to do? I found a chip and wrote on it: - A red worm. He only took a fishing rod - immediately bite. A man is in trouble, dragging ... Looks like it's breezes. And on it inscription: - Fucking bream.
- How many new Russians do you need to screw a light bulb? - One. Sam climbs on the table, he screws it in himself and slazit ... And then with a cry wakes up. - How many loonies do I need to screw a light bulb? - Two. One twists the bulb, and the second is a light bulb.
On reception at the surgeon (in the past the veterinarian): - What bothers you? - You see, doctor, I have hemorrhoids. "Well, we'll see." Spread the hind legs and raise the tail ...
Question in the questionnaire before the operation: - Who should I call in case of emergency? Answer: - More qualified surgeon.
In the morning I do not have breakfast, because. thinking of you. In the afternoon I do not dine - I think about you. In the evening I do not have supper - I think about you. I do not sleep at night - I WANT TO DRINK !!!
At the reception at the pediatrician: - Well, what's our name? - Vasya. "Wu, what are we, Vasya ... How old are we?" - Autumn will be six !! - Wu, what are we optimists!
The husband returns earlier than usual home. At the wife - the lover. The wife ran out to meet her husband with a trash can: - Dear, until he undress, take out the garbage, please. While the husband takes out the garbage, the lover runs out the stairs to the top floor, then safely goes unnoticed. Goes and thinks: you must, how clever! Comes to his home. His wife meets him with a trash can: - Dear, before you undress, throw, please, garbage. The husband takes out the garbage and thinks: - Well, what a fool - all day at home, and there's no time to throw out garbage!
Manya and Vanya are painters. They paint a wall of a high-rise building at the level of the 10th floor. Suddenly Vanya was impatient in a little way. - Hey, Man! Can `t stand! - And you go straight from the cradle! - Yes you sho! There are people below! - And you get stronger, just go into the fountain! - Yes, I'll go for it! - Not at all! I'll keep you! - Is it strong? - It's tough! Come on! Well, Vanya stood on the edge of the cradle, Manya holds him behind the belt, and the latter leans forward and easies into the pool. Beauty! And then Manet wanted to sneeze! Kaak sneezes and ... released Vanya, and he went down like a crock of crap ..... A few months passed. And here in one of the Merican bar three babes are sitting and discussing where the peasants are most to the women. First: - I've just been in Paris, so these French did not give me a pass. Everyone strove to get into bed! It's in the order of things! The second: - It, the most willing - it's the Mexicans. I was there recently. They are all so sweaty, hairy! Straight eyes undress! Sperm already from the ears rushing! The third: - All this is nonsense! The wildest men in Russia! Think about it! A couple of months ago I was in Moscow. I walk along the street past the fountain. Suddenly I hear a sound from above. I raise my head and I see: a man is flying at me! The fly is unbuttoned, and he holds his hands to the member and yells: - P AND - AND - AND% D A - A - A !!! ...
One of the two eternal Russian problems can, in principle, be solved with the help of asphalt pavers and skating rinks. Of course, it will be more difficult with roads.
The mother comes to her son and says: "Vasya, you have 10 rubles for you, take our pig to the boar, you need to make an offspring!" Vasya gathered, sat down on a motorcycle, put a pig in the cradle, put on a helmet and went. He goes past the woods and thinks: "Why should I take a pig to a boar? I'll take it off in the woods, but I'll spend 10 rubles!" And he did. The next day the situation repeats. Mother asks to take the pig to the boar, so surely! Vasya again gathered, put the pig beside him in the cradle, put the helmet on, and passed by the woods. Again he fucked a pig, but he drank money. On the third day, the mother says to her son: "Vasya, I do not know where you took our pig, but she's already in the motorcycle and she's wearing a helmet !!!"
At the buffet dinner the wife of her husband: - How do you not ashamed! You've already been running around with a plate for food ten times! Not ashamed?! "No, I said it was for you."
These rates are set for visitors who want a bartender to answer phone calls from their wives: 100 r. - "He just left"; 200 r. - "He did not come today"; 300 r. "I have not seen him in a few days"; 500 r. - "And who is it?"
New yoghurt from Danone "Ukrainian" - now with slices of bacon!
New Dean's Deal. Collect the three tails and you can for free exchange them for new crocheted boots.
A military unit? ... A smoking room. 4 lieutenants are sitting. One offers to go to the commander of the part to ask for leave. We got up and went. Comes first to the commander: - Comrades Colonel, Lieutenant Pupkin. Allow me to leave. - What! On vacation, you say? Let's rationalize the rationalization proposal) - go on vacation! - Easily! There you have grass under the window under the window mowing. What's he waving in one direction? Let's tie it to the second braid, let it mow left and right! - Well done! On vacation! The second one comes in: ... - Give a rationalization ... - It's easy! There you have grass under the window under the window mowing. What's he waving to and fro? Let him tie a fork to a braid, let it fold into a pile! - Well done! On vacation! The third comes: ... - Give the rationale ... - It's easy! There you have grass under the window under the window mowing. What's he waving to and fro, throwing grass into piles? Let's tie the trolley to him, let him take it right away! - Well done! On vacation! The fourth comes: ... - Give the rational proposal ... - I do not know. - Well, uh-oh ... So go think. Come up and come! Leaves the lieutenant on the porch, lights nervously, stands "turnip wrinkles." And then this soldier comes to him. With this shit in his hands with a trolley tied, all sweaty, exhausted. And angrily, he asks the lieutenant: "Che, comrade lieutenant, do you want to go on vacation?" "Yes, but ..." "B ... you can not think of a proposal!" - Yes, but ... - B ... ь, FARU ME ON THE FOREVER !!! HEAD !!! TO PUT YOUR NIGHT !!!
A man comes into the pharmacy: - Girl, give a medical alcoholic liter. "Do you have a recipe?" (suspiciously so) - Eh, there would be a recipe, I would have made it myself ...
The husband shaves in front of the mirror and says to his blonde wife: - Something does not shave my razor !! Wife: - It's strange, and she cut the linoleum well ...
The call from the party committee to the church: - Father, put the chairs, tomorrow the party meeting - there is nowhere to put people. - I'm not giving it! Last time gave. All the backs were covered with obscene words! - A-ah-ah! You will not give chairs - we will not give pioneers to the church choir. - Do not give the pioneers in the church choir - I will not give monks for a subbotnik. - Do not give monks to subbotnik - FIG you, not Komsomol members for the procession. - There will not be Komsomol members for the procession - there will not be nuns for you in the sauna !!! - But for such words, father, you can put a party card on the table!
Three men are arguing about whose profession is older. Builder: - Yes, our profession is the oldest. We still built the Egyptian pyramids. Gardener: - Yes, where are you? Our specialists planted the Garden of Eden. Electrician: - What are you arguing about? Even before God said: "Let there be light" - we have all the wiring was laid.
Regardless of what exactly you are looking for on the Internet, your search criteria will correspond to at least one porn site.
One therapist is 1024 gigapa, or 1048576 megapiens!
A group of tourists is walking along the Ussuri taiga. Suddenly a tiger jumps out of the thicket. - Without panic, the tiger is full! - says the conductor. One of the tourists: - Damn, I also pissed.
The brother-in-law comes into the room and sees his mother-in-law with a broom standing, he asks her: - Mom, have you started cleaning up or are going to where?
"Comrade Major, what if I suddenly step on the mine?" "Standard procedure, Lieutenant." You will have to jump up to 30 meters up and spread over a wide area.
D'Artagnan left Paris for suspension, but in the foresight his horse was burned by the Arabs.
- Muhammad, call from the company "Renault". They ask us not to stop our actions, they promise 100 francs for each car burnt. - We are honest people! Reject their proposal, but let us know that we are ready to return to it, as soon as our exclusive contract with Citroen is over.
A party on the hut. DJ on vinyl. Ecstasy. Cocaine with a credit card. Someone swallows the brand. Someone spid din. Complete lawlessness, in short. Doorbell. They open it - on the threshold of the old man with a bag of grass behind him: - I heard that you are being poisoned here with all sorts of chemistry?
Living in the apartment penguin very much prevented sleep at night, slapping through the rooms. Especially for him in different corners nailed to the floor a pair of home slippers, he in them at night came across and dejectedly stood until the morning ...
husband and wife are watching a horror film. HORRIBLE appears on the screen. Wife: -Oh mother ... Husband: -Thescha? It looks like ...
One Georgian calls his brother on the phone and hears: - Givi, yesterday we had a misfortune ... Yesterday our father climbed a tree to collect apples ... - Well? .. - Givi, happened terrible ... - ??? - He fell from this damn apple tree, Givi! .. (pause) In general, Givi, we lost our father ... Long silence on both ends of the wire. Then, Givi, realizing: "Listen, Vakhtang, did you look under the tree?"
The call from the police station to the Russian Embassy: - There's not your man sleeping on a bench in the park without documents? "Is he sober?" - No! Nearby is a bottle! - Having fattened? - Not feeding! "This is not our man!"
University. Reading room. Session. Full of people, prepare. One student approaches another: - Listen! You're holding the book upside down! - Are you Th, Freud or what? "What does Freud have to do with it?" "It's a book!" What are her legs ?! You still say that I'm looking at it between the pages ...
The newlywed woman in tears calls her mother: -We have a family scene here! Horror! -Good, daughter, do not be upset. In each family, the first conflicts arise. -Yes, I know it. And with a corpse of what to do?
My husband came from a business trip a day earlier. He feels at home with someone his wife was. The whole house turned over, can not find. He looks under the bed, sees a naked man sitting there and giving him $ 100. The husband takes the money and says: "Strangely, and here he is not."
New slogans for the leading transfer "Weak link" - Who did not study at the vocational school, because he did not go through the contest "2 seats per person"? - Who gave you a puzzle of 4 pieces for 25 years? - Whose mother thought that the tummy from the beer? - Who in the bowling was seized by the head with three fingers and thrown into pins? - Who dances under Serduchka sober? - Who made the birdhouse from the guitar and forgot to remove the strings? - Who is doing the repeated fluorography, because he blinked? - Who on the first of April insinuated himself under the door, rang and ran away, and then came back and burst into tears? - To whom did the parents allow them to go for a walk late, but moved themselves?
The new shaving machine from Gilette: the 1st blade shaves cleanly, the 2nd is even cleaner ... 27 gently polishes the bones.
- Mom, and Mom! And why is our dad sitting under the bed? - Quiet, baby! Dad in the house owner - wherever he wants, there he sits !!
I walk along the street - the weather is wonderful, the mood is just excellent. My God! Do it so that all around had such a good mood! I slip, I fall into a puddle. All around rejoice, laugh, bastards ... !!!
One day a little girl went into the forest in a frigid frost and got lost. But this Christmas story, like everything, ended well: no one noticed the loss of the girl - and the holiday continued!
Then he wanted to smell the flame from the lighter. It turns out that it smells of burnt hair from the nose.
The patient with the doctor: - Doctor, I recently can not tell where I'm in real life or on the Internet ... The doctor tilts his head sideways, smiles and says: "Gee-gee-gee, x @ yase!
Sad guy comes into the store: - Hello, do you remember me? I bought balls yesterday. - I'll find out. You still have balls? - No. I to you with a complaint - they are defective. "What's the matter, do not you hold the air?" - No, it's all right. - And then what? - They do not please me ...
In Volume VII of Semenov's essay "17 Moments of Spring" a typo crept in. In the encryption on page 537, the 7th line superny instead of 6354 8923 9047 should read 6354 8923 9048. The editorial office apologizes.
From the conversation of two surgeons: - Well, how was the operation? - Yes, nonsense ... It's boring with anesthesia ...
Yesterday, the 98-year-old Russian philosopher A. Sidorov was awarded the Nobel Prize for 50-volume work: "What does a woman need?".
The inscription on the bottle - "Add to Favorites" The inscription on the wineglass - "Make the starting"
Looking for a kind and beautiful girl ... tired of fucking evil and scary.
"Will you drink?" - Nope. "What if I run away?"
If you count the population on the statements of mobile operators about the number of subscribers they have, then we will soon overtake China!
Judging by the anecdotes, in the Georgian baths all the soap dishes are screwed to the floor. The user's hands have entered an idiotic team and will be amputated
The sergeant bypasses the system of recruits. - So, what is your education? "Seven classes!" - Good! - By you? - MSU! - Why are you mumbling, can you read?
- It is bad to drink vodka in the cold. - Why bad? - The bottle is knocking on the teeth.
In Darth Vader in the table, everyone is lying Maps of different galaxies and Gagarin's portrait
Valentine's Day ... What only lovers will not do for each other ... But everything breaks down about the rude reality: "I'll not give you anything!"
If you find it hard to gnaw granite science - try to suck.
The limit of selfishness: at the moment of orgasm, shout your own name.
What a sober girl has on her mind is that drunk in her mouth.
Dear mother-in-law, I congratulate you on Halloween, your professional holiday!
On the streets of Moscow, a survey was conducted "How Muscovites treat visitors". The answers were approximately the following: 40% answered: "they come to our capital in a concordant way"; 40% answered: "Listen to us sho what's the difference"; 20% answered: "I don? T know!"
Couple after sex: - Well, we are finished people. . .
Yesterday at the "Wallpaper" store was detained drunk a Russian teacher. She tried to fix the sign of the store on "Both" Girl in the store: - give me, please, one brush, one yogurt, one roll and one coffee seller: - you, probably, live alone? - How did you guess? - Yes, you bl ... @ th terrible shop @ sdets !!
- Girl, you understand, I'm not every girl I offer .. - But you, young man, do not worry, I do not deny everyone either.
There is a wino in the woods. He hears - a cuckoo. -Cooke, cuckoo, how old do I have to live? -Uk-Uk. -What does it mean? "You, Padla, have lived two years extra."
- Why are you so sad going? "My wife proe ..." "How about a ..?" In what sense is it ...? - How, how, through ...
Let the snot in the nose ring, But still I feel the fifth point, That the night will be shorter than the day, Spring will come, the buds will swell - And the girls will undress, beckoning, Pantyhose will be replaced with stockings, And again they will make me happy Bras are wise lockers ...
"Dad, do you have any beer?" "No, son, it's his drink."
Interestingly, and in the name of the postal protocol POP3, the triple is a digit, or the smiley-synonym for the first three letters?
- And my dog left the house yesterday. - Where? - I gave her a command to "serve", and she put on a helmet and went into the army.
- Mom, look, I'm strong, like Dad - I broke the forks too! - B @ I, another mud @ k grows (
Today in the pharmacy: Gel-lubricant for anal sex "Johnson and Johnson"
Dropped the vodka on the floor. Tear off Vasya's hands ...
Laws of corporate booze 1. If the organizer of booze calls the time interval of the beginning of drinking, then everyone will come at the latest. 2. The organizer of the booze will be late for it. 3. Corporate booze will necessarily end not in the place where it began. 4. On any booze, there must be a person who wants to give in the face, so that he finally calms down. 5. Be sure to find a person who will impudently seek the attention of the Chief Chief. 6. If a person starts drunk on talking about work, then he is the most drunk. 7. If they enter into a discussion with him, then very soon the Chief Chief will leave. 8. And this is where the real break begins. 9. After drinking at least two of those present will try to have sex. 10. Hangover syndrome and delay the next day is forgiven only to the organizers of booze
A telephone call to the provider: - I again have a problem. "Can not you come in?" "I managed to login, but I do not want to suck!" - Hmm. We are not to blame - we have a wide channel ... - And here is the channel ?! Who am I talking to? This is a hotline?
Babuluka comes to the doctor for examination. The doctor examined her and said: "You have a weak heart ... You know, do not go home on the stairs yet." A month later the old woman undergoes a second examination. The doctor: - Well here! the heart is stronger, you can walk home again on the stairs! - Well, at last, and then my dear boy so @ @ @ las, on the sewer pipe in the window climb!
Two narkas go late at night through the city, tired forces do not go. One to another: - And there is a bus park. Let me get in and steal the bus, and you stay on the shuhar. And then we'll get home. No sooner said than done. The first one climbed into the park, the second waits, but the friend does not exist. Decided to see what the reason for the delay. I went inside, and there he was running between the buses. - What are you doing? - Yes, I do not find the fifth route! "Fool, steal the sixteenth, we'll get to the market, and there are only two stops on foot!"
There are two prostitutes and a hockey player. The first prostitute: - The most terrible thing in our work is abortion. The second agrees: - Yes, abortion is bad. Hockey player (thoughtfully): - Yes, on board ... and another stick on turnips.
A man is going to throw out the garbage, he is hanging - the woman lies. A man to her: - Well, count up to three - 1, 2, 3 - And now back - 3, 2, 1 The peasant is scratching his turnips: - It's strange, someone threw out such a nice and clever woman ...
A man walks through the forest. The date. Suddenly, the moose runs to him and knocks the peasant to the ground. Only to rise - the bear follows the elk runs, knocks down the man again and, even without noticing it, runs further. Already an evil peasant jerks up and sees a hare running over him. The peasant begins to smile maliciously ... A second later he is on the ground, and the hare is running away. And then a voice is heard from heaven: - A man, a man! You would have moved away from the carousel ...
Dormitory. One student approaches another: - Vasya, do you know what is the difference between curtain and toilet paper? - No ... - So it's you, THE END !!! Three Jews talk: - When I die, I would like to lie next to Moses Solomonovich. - Why? - Worthy was a man! - And I would like to lie next to Abram Markovich, a very worthy person! - And I would like to lie next to Rosa Moiseyevna. "Listen, but she's still alive !?" - Here!
Father and son went fishing. They sat down and put the fishing rods, they were sitting, there was no clue. "Sonny, the mother of the barley cooked it, throw it into the water, the clue will begin." - Folder, and I ate the whole pearl barley. What to do? - Come on, it's okay. Son, there's a potato's mother fried, so you throw it into the water, zhor will begin. - I ate the potato and the potato. What to do? - Come on, it's okay. There, my mother sandwiches namutila, you can eat sausage, and bread in the water. In half an hour the fish will approach, the bug will be excellent. - Folder, I ate all the sandwiches. What to do? - What to do, what to do, finish the worms and go home !!!
Voentur offers: Unique tours of Europe on the T-72! Warsaw, Berlin, Prague. Rest around the best hotels. You only pay for diesel fuel. Departure - as far as the manning of battalions.
Evening in the village. There is a couple sitting on the bench. He smokes a cigarette. She's gnawing seeds. Complete silence. An hour passes. She: - Well, I'm going to type? He: - Sit down. Another hour passes. She: - Well, I'm going to type? He: - Sit down. Another hour passes. She silently gets up and leaves. He (the carcass of a cigarette): - Hm ... I did not.
A drug addict is sitting in the park on a bench. A small, cheerful girl cuts around him. She sings a song and on each circle presses on the narcotics' nose, at the same time putting down a loud one: - Pee-ee-ee-Ip! It turns out something like this: -La la-la-la-la-la-PIEIIIP! Finally the girl runs away and the narciss remains alone. Slowly raising his hand, he tries to press himself several times on his nose and, not hearing the usual "Pi-i-i-i-i-yip", in his heart says: "I broke it, n @ dla!"
"Will not you help me?" - What's the problem? - I have the text here in the .txt format, but it's necessary - in the .doc format ... How to do this? - The format is different, you say? Then write - fоrmаt, a space ... At you the text where? At Tse? So write - Tse, a colon and Eneter press! "Will it help?" - The most powerful tool ...
- Once I dreamed about the East, I wanted to learn religion, studied philosophy, read books, but then I poured Lipton tea ... and let me go.
Sit talking to the priest and deacon. Deacon- "Here's my father before they lived ... Going yesterday in the park, and the youth in the middle of the day is debauched." The boys and girls hug, kiss, squeeze ... "Pop-" Well it's shosho Cyn mine ... Here I go the other day in an electric train, went out to the tambour, to smoke, and there .... A male specimen put the female in the lowest bow and OPPOSEDSTVALA .And then she pulled out her whoredoms and wiped my robe with such words- "To smoke the Holy Father in the vestibule is a sin." . "
Vano! What did I see in Moscow? - Wah! At the ball walked! "Balet?" How is it? - Ah, this is a big hall, luday - the sea! The curtain is rising - naked women run out of the mail: they ran there - no men! They ran here - no men! A naked man runs out of mail - he lifted one of the women, sniffed - not his woman! He picked up the other, sniffed - not his woman! Picked up one more, sniffed - his woman !!! He grabbed, carried in a corner a corner - net places! Brought to another - net places! Here, too, he falls down, but he can not find the mest. Has reached all! People to him already began to shout themselves - "Ebis! Ebis !!!"
A real American is proud of his homeland of the United States, which defeated Hitler in the Vietnam war in Chechnya!
Tuning queue to the store. In the queue, a sharp-witted intellectual in his glasses. Through the queue, a huge bulge with shouts pushes: - Pass the invalid, b ## d! Yes, I'm premature! I was born seven months! Skip the disabled! An intriguer (wiping his glasses): - Comrades, I think I will not be mistaken, having expressed a common opinion - to send a comrade in the next two months.
The Great Patriotic War. There is a fight. The Russians are defeated. Three people remained in the trench. Two straight and gay. There is no ammunition, only the gay man has a grenade. They sit, praying for something that will carry ... and see the German tank looming on them. Straight gay: - Throw a grenade, blow up the tank and everything will be okay ... Gay: - Yes you ... there are boys! ... Some time passes. The tank is getting closer ... Straight gay: - Throw a grenade, then later will be. Gay: - Yes you, there are boys !!! ... The tank approaches almost to the trench ... Straight: - Throw a grenade ... and then neither you nor the boys will not ... At this time the tank stops , the cover of the hatch reclines and the Fritz crawls out: "Ma-alchiki, get out of the way ... or else, ask-a-aww!"
"Tell me, friend, but does friendship exist between men?" - Well, at first it happens ... But then nature still takes its own way!
The village girl got married, went to Moscow. Writes the letter home:
"Hello, Mom and Dad! Well, I live well, everyone is happy! My husband is just a giant of sex - he puts me on the bed, climbs up on the closet, jumps from above and gets straight to the point!"
Two weeks later, he receives a telegram: "COME BACK TO THE POST OF THE BIT OF THE ZPT THE FATHER DESTROYED THE DAY".
- Lenka, well, how do you like your new boyfriend?
"Oh, how sluggish he was, as if he had been raised in a greenhouse!"
- In the sense - cucumber so-so?
- Why does a man, unlike a woman, show his true desires more often?
"Because he does not have others."
The husband comes home, hears - the Indian music is playing in the apartment, sandalwood sticks are burning, and the wife is meditating in the lotus position on the carpet ...
- Che for garbage ?!
- Yes, here I am going to Tibet ...
"Shit, you'd better be at least once a blow job!"
She sent her husband's wife to buy gaskets. To the peasant in the bummer, it's cold outside, and ashamed - but we must go ... He goes to the department of hygiene means - and there are some women and gaskets in the showcase of hundred kinds ... He even more faded ...
Here the department manager noticed a poor fellow - and let him ask at the top of his voice:
- What do you need gaskets for? For every day or intense, classical or tanga, white or black ... and so on.
People in the store begin to look around, sly smile.
- A man - why are you silent, so why do you need gaskets ?!
The man could not stand it and how it would stop at the whole store:
- For PIZDY I need gaskets, for P-I-Z-D-I !!!!
Then he thought and added: