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DIARY OF DIRTY PONY.
Mom taught me to write today. I write a pack is bad, but I try. Papa p. (Further illegible) selected drum. Tonight I'll eat his stash of elite hay (I know where the reptile hides). November 19
All day was diarrhea. Writing is not a magician on November 21
Dad said it's time to beat the hooves. Family has no money. They put icebreaker. It is cheaper. The whole evening itched hooves. Cried. December 15
Guys came in masks. They took my mother. Long looked at me. Mom was taken away on babon with the inscription "Circus". The rest of the day was listening to the Beetles "SНe leaving home". Thought a lot and cried. Dad came on late. All in someone else's manure and pretty drunk. He said he was at the presentation. I know his presentation. Again, with Pegim and Chernopop, Kaurka went to watch the racetrack because of the fence on the overseas mares. Yo-go. I saw these in the pictures in my father's magazines. Like. Excited. 21 December
They brought mom. Feathers on the head. Addicted to cigarettes, feeds only with hands (foo, with hoofs). Eats (forgive my mother) current lollipops. On the ass (forgive my mother, Burka-hooligan taught) fit some kind of leather crap, like a chair. One uncle sat on his mother and said "BUT !!!". MOM CONNECTED WITH HUMANS !!! I decided that the family for me is no longer a fundamental tool in my living space (I looked in the encyclopedia of horse breeding). The first time I drank the swamp water that my dad forgot on the table. Ygo-go, yoke-go. Crap. 27th of December
I am a pony. I understood it only today. Burka-hooligan is 2 years younger than me, and has already grown by 3 heads. Found in the newspaper the word suicide. Thought a lot. I listen to the marches of Budyonny. I notice the informal judgments. I decided to apply the stamp of anarchy and the pacific. It is necessary babosov. I grow a mane. Began to smoke. I carry chewing tobacco from my mother. Burka taught me to hammer. We smoke together. Mama is anarchy, papa is a glass of dung. Dad is not home for the third day. 31th of December
Today is the New Year. The folder came with Blackfoot Kaurka and Pegim. All bukhii. He pulled out a tweet. Finally I will do the pacific. Mom died. From overdose candy. Uncle arrived at Babon. What is a meat cannery? I look in the encyclopedia. Bitch, Burka-hooligan, made a bong from the desired page. Expand did not. Smoked. Sorry mom. 1st of January
Tonight we will go to the teluks from the next stall. Burka hooligan promised to show udder. I am glad in advance. I used to see the current in the pictures. Jerking off. 4 January
Fell in love. Name is Murka. Ass that is necessary. Udder - four hoofs do not clasp. I licked the first time. The boys really laugh. Che to what. Looked at the Terminator. Thought a lot. Arnie - you are a real horse. January 10
Murka turned out to be a cow. Guys, you n. (More illegible). The Hare Krishnas molested. I took to read a little book. Kama Sutra. All nah, I'm going there. Bananya, konyaki, points on the forehead. I want you. In the ass world. I want war !!! Taliban - Fareva !!! Called to New York. Threatened January 16
The bill came from New York. Drugan say, dad, the whole city jumped. I was looking for. I was hiding in a saray near Tpruni-dead. We talked. It turns out a nice guy. It was he who brought the droves to where their father had cut them. Nekrasov wrote with him. Tprunya said so. A little boy with a bridle has died for a long time. How old is Tprune years? January 20th
Tprunya, bitch, lied to everything. Scientists have infected him with anthrax in childhood. Type for the experiment. Barely went out. True brains are not left. Tprunya down and goof, and pi .. (more unintelligible) nicely. I will be more closely related to friends. 02 February
What the hell. Burka-bully - skinhead. Today I will talk to him. March 14th
Two days ago, came out of a coma. I can write. True hoofs tremble. Mala remember what. Daddy sent his friend with gear. Mudila, he himself probably ate half the way. Or replaced. The silo is stale. Gives yadiel. I know that. He used to be a deer. Changed orientation, bitch. Said, dad busy. Like, I got a job. Smoked. It turns out Daddy carts. Dad - Repper. I piss from laughter. March 15th.
Dad - loader. Carts carries. I thought. March 23
Write out. Stick my dad in a smart daddy. Said we go to the zoo. Let's go. Some clown freak poked a finger at me and screamed that he would write a song about me. I remember the current that the girls ponies rolls, the pony boys rolls. I told him that when I grow up I hope his ass. Aloud did not say. I love children. March 24
Daddy kicked my ass today. Found that I ate his stash of elite hay. My dad is a molecular freak. Every molecule is perverted. Again he resisted to plump with his friends, he was shorty (very unintelligible). I will go to work. April 10th.
Today, with my new friend Sivka and with his dudes (they were in the clinic together), we went to the Matrix. Got grief. I want kung fu to learn. Fell in love with Pythia. When I grow up. Find and fuck. He wrote a verse: Oh, Pythia - the flower of my garden Not everyone is given cookies to bake And if you fucking awake you are very happy. Ready to pile ass ride. I want to send her. Need an address. He clarified with Bati if we had any African tribes. So what. I started writing to the Wachowski brothers. I made a tattoo on my right hoof: Pythia - I'm yours !!! R.S. Sivka - hereditary down. His grandfather kangaroo raised. Who are kangaroos? 14th of April
Looking for a job. They offer all sorts of .. (more illegible). What is my chief financial officer? When I was a lady, the gypsy stuck. We talked. Och nulsya near taxis. The silver bell is stolen, the trash. Forever disown the concepts of "camp" and "herd". 25th of April
Today, a guy came up to the streets and asked if I wanted to work in an interesting Internet project. Called the address. Animallovers.com. I was high (today at the brewery we washed the tanks) and said that I agree. Said will call. What the fuck project. Ahead of May 1. We agreed with Sivka to shoot a teluh. 1st of May.
Put on a red bandanna. I'm a communist now, after all. The power of the lights and no cops on. Sivka put on the Chapaev's horse mask. Well, fuck, Chapaev's horse, you can't tell. Said some relative from the knoll sent. Dissident Dick. Bourgeois urine. The heifers have disappeared by themselves. Marriages current love. I love Lenin. But I do not speak out loud. Social Revolutionaries around. May 2
ATP nicknames freaks. So the liver was beaten off, that the second day I could not get up. I try not to turn on electrical appliances and light. I seek Chubais. Sivka crawled. He told me that they drove him to the Urals. Eli slipped away. Fuck this communism. I will become a Russophile, Tolstoyan Yasnopiannik. 16th of May
2 spirits came and a huntsman with them. They brought combat. He showed them split hoofs (mother gave birth difficult). We looked. Bellowed debt. They said to come in somehow for the belyash (ticket of this type). May 17
Freaks, it turns out I am not fit for growth. And in the pilots? There our guys die, and I'm here? Made a list: 1. Buy a horizontal bar 2. Do not piss under yourself May 24
What Pythia fuck. Nicole Kidmin - this is a woman. Cruise - you screwed up, loharik. She may now. Target sibl. Presented by: Nicole and I - Kidman and Horse. May 25-26
Wasted away from the excessive effects of various alcohol 24 numbers. (On the highway, a car with vodka turned over. Drove a boil over, they still cannot find passengers at all. But almost all of the vodka remained. Yes, for us the horses, though not whole. They say Tprune in the accident is to blame. However, what about the bad. Goodbye Tprune. June 1st
Day of protection of horses. Get drunk with Sivkoy as pigs. We went to the toluha to the farm. Ass from salt hurts. Hot water bottle does not save. Cried. June 18
McCartney steers unequivocally. He wrote to him on E-mail. Congratulations. What is Message Delievery Report? Is it not simple? June 26th.
I called that type from an online project. Said to come the day after tomorrow. Agree? I thought I'd go. In the evening did not drink. June 28
The first experience of oral sex. Dudes - I'm an upcoming horse. The current is small. Filmed on tsyfrovik and movies. They said they will show on TV and kamputeru. Gave a poster: Pony on Zoofeely.net I ALSO CONTACT HUMAN BEINGS. This is from mom. Thought about suicide. Babosi saved me carefully in a blanket. I'll go buy a beer. July, 12.
Magical green babosy. I did not think that was enough. They have the common property of breeding. (Syvkin ancestors flew over the hill with Chapito. He taught how to change them). Fuck people. Give one - you get ten. The stall looks like a piece of beef. The whole county over here swallowed. Even Burka was a hooligan. He is now in the work. Patrol. Maza is for the future. Where are the documents on the hut? July 16
They came from mentura. Showed ksivy. Type my doghouse prevents the construction of an important strategic facility. They asked to show documents for living space. Where is dad? July 20
The fifth day at the station I live. I saw Kaurka the black man. He said that Dad threw my hooves 2 months ago. Methyl alcohol from the can at the chemical plant was bred. Yes, and potatoes with McDonald's. And the ecology is also not important. I'm sorry dad. September 1
Ass. Cold blah. And why am I not a musk ox? Now he would be overgrown with wool and not steamed (not cold in meaning). September 7
Got to work at the refinery. Daddy communication former. He was at a party of some Yukas juggling or riding a bicycle. I’m shorter than some of their important type, Khodarkovsky, or something, attached trolleys with workers to the tower. What they do is not clear. Just in case, I'll drop a burke bully into a mentovka .. September 11
Fell into a vat of fuel oil. Ate pumped. Now I'm black. Reread Tolkien. Decided to become a dark force. Ass smell, will not work. 20 November.
I'm dying guys .. Hey, man, the will on the left in the blanket.
Pasha and Gul
Situation. We go with a friend Pasha to the rehearsal. Naturally, the process will not go without doping, so we buy two low-alcohol drinks for a brother, we stand, we drink, we wait for his girl Gulya. He loves her very much and is sometimes afraid Comes this ghoul. Further dialogue:
- Gul, gulp? Gulya, with a suspicious look:
- This is what "Noosh" in a row? Pasha, with a guilty look, drooping eyes:
- Orange ...
The wife never ceases to amaze with pearls. Spring Fever?
Went to cook burgers. I sit, hang the strings on the guitar.
Voice from the kitchen:
- Sunny, you fry the cutlets from which side? I forgot about the guitar for half an hour ...
My husband has a colleague at work - a young programmer. And there is a methodologist who gives tasks to programmers - a young girl. The girl has been trying to chew on a task for a programmer for a long time, and he is like a zero of attention on her, nuzzled, does something. And so for about ten minutes. It does not stand:
- You finally pay attention to me or not? To which he answers calmly:
- What for? What are you, a monitor, or what? .. They say that with this phrase she reproaches him for a year already ...
January 30, 2006
How do I hate these her extended nails.
Again touched. Everything hurts.
February 3rd. This watched lesbian porn.
Saw a lot of ours. That's really good for them there ...
Twice finished. Good. The second time with envy.
This shiver. Some drunk man with a two-day stubble breathed fumes for a long time on me, then he scratched his whole cheeks and fell asleep with his forehead crushed. It never came to the language. This burst into tears, I also wanted, but I do not know how.
This one looked at me in the bathroom mirror. She said that I was small. Bitch.
At the neighbor's bottom flows again. This one bought some new pads. Stink chamomile. Choking.
The 14th of February.
Hoo th! Wow! This girlfriend gave a vibrator. It seems my personal life will finally begin. Shuffle off
He is much better than her fingernails with extended nails, but certainly inferior to the tongue. Although it may be a matter of practice. In general, he is very cute, so touchingly trembling .. We agreed to chat sometime when This falls asleep.
I'm so tired. Why can't I control myself? Why am I completely dependent on her insatiable libido? Tired of cum on wave of her hands. I want independence. He spoke with a neighbor, promised to help - work on a vaginal orgasm, if possible - take a vacation.
This gulnula again.
This time is much better. MUCH !!!
At first I thought that my neighbor would get everything. But on the second run I was almost licked to death. Until now my head is spinning.
I thought about what I was essentially lucky. Take for example a neighbor - they constantly shove something into her, I would not stand it ..
Were at the gynecologist. No attention to me. I begin to slowly hate the neighbor - well, why all the attention only to her, although more pleasure from me ???
28th of February.
Still angry, not talking with a neighbor, and I give this to cum.
Ah, spring .. The mood is so romantic, that while This slept finished just because of some existential delight. This one thinks that all because she dreamed of Brad Pitt. Fool! Yes, I actually like Sean Penn.
In the morning, in the shower he shouted to a distant neighbor. He, too, hard times. He has a life at all - shit ...
At the corporate party, the head pressed this into a corner in the closet, rubbing my finger for a long time, all to no avail. Maybe I'm frigid? This truth still pretended that she had finished, but I cannot be a hypocrite!
9th of March.
The neighbor below flood again. How annoying it is. Is it really going to last a lifetime? He began to scold her, but she called me zadroty, and I had nothing to say. Gone to himself.
10th of March.
Because of the flood at her neighbor, Eta agreed to let her boss go only to her distant neighbor. How did he then resented. He does not like this thing. But unless she asks, the egoist is damn ... And the boss is an asshole, doesn't pay attention to me at all.
This whole day cried because of a break with the boss. I'm glad. In the evening they were comforted by a vibrator. Feel better.
This one seems to be in love. I can feel it. They are still only kissing, but everything inside me stops. How nice it is.
30th of March.
Everything was!!! He is very attentive and sensitive, he did everything as it should, I already flushed with pleasure! He said to her neighbor that cunnilingus would have to be renamed clitoringus at such a pace! Jealous of me. Apparently with a vaginal orgasm nothing comes out.
The progress is obvious. They don't forget about me, the neighbor is also pleased, says that He managed to find some strange point in her. Optimistically looks at the prospects of vaginal orgasm. For some reason I am also positive. Apparently when This is happy, I automatically feel good.
Dear diary, I'm sorry I did not write for a long time. A month later, These wedding. I do not know how much benefit I am of this, but everyone is happy - both the neighbor from the bottom and the distant neighbor. I heard a rumor that internal changes are coming in this one. A neighbor says she will have a hard time. But we all hope for the best. And what remains? ...
We are not empty-handed!
We had a copy in our picturesque colorful company, let's call it Andryusha. He was already under forty, and he was a staunch bachelor. I changed the gloves like a glove; no one has stayed behind him for more than two or three months, either because of his eerie Andrew's appearance, or because of a very low salary. That is, he was, so to speak, God offended. And so strange things began to happen - then one thing, then another gathering. Andryusha was with the same lady, and a very pretty lady, about 20 years old. But all this was rumored for now ... We were cheerful. Songs, vodka, this and that, night by the fires ... And so it appears, Andryusha is coming to that fire where your humble servant was sitting with his party. But not alone. And with a lady who exactly fit the descriptions - a pretty, very young at all, looks like a girl.
Andryushin is wearing a jacket on her, he himself is in one sweater, that is, a gentlemanly manifests. The lady has a vague expression on her face, and without letting go, she holds Andryusha’s hand. But - her stomach clearly indicates why she has known so much time with the fearful Andryusha. In short, we invite them, Andryusha presented the lady. She doesn't say a word. Andrew, in his habit of entertaining the people, took the guitar, sang something - the lady is silent. The people are having fun, drinking, singing, in a word - according to the full program - Lady Yulia, at least a word should be said. Your belly strokes. Our compassionate women ask, like, is it not cold to you, Julia, sit down close to the fire - she answers something vague. Our women gave Yulia a “foam”, sat down at the best place, so that it was comfortable, asked how she felt, and so on - female, so to speak, compassion. And here we have a booze ... And it is completely over. Not a drop, not a gram, but still only warmed up. And then Andryusha slaps Julia on the back and says in a cheerful tone:
- Well, Yulek! We are not empty-handed!
Julia, slowly rushing in and assessing the situation, unfastened herself and got out of the huge internal pockets ... six bottles of vodka! Women in the draft, men are delighted. And Andryusha nevertheless married her in a few months.
Baboons you take?
We had an office in 1991 in ul. Kirov (now Myasnitskaya) in Moscow, near the RTSB - the Russian Commodity Exchange. We kept on the stock exchange brokerage. At that time, the stock exchange looked more like a small wholesale market — every day a huge price list of 300 small text pages was printed — who, what and how much, sells — broken down into groups of goods — from condoms and computers to non-ferrous metal and pets. I somehow reveal the current day quotes - my God, in the "pets" section there is the following:
- Product Name: "Baboons (males)" Quantity: "4 pcs.
"Min. Party:" 4 pcs. "Location" Moscow "Delivery method:" Pickup "Warranty:" Veterinary certificate "
Price: "$ 2000 / piece". Well, we twitched. That day an old friend came to me that day, owing me $ 500 — a lot of money at that time. Again began to ask for a reprieve. Mumbled, mumbled ... And then it dawned on me. I tell him:
- Listen, do you want to write off the debt?
- Of course, and what to do?
- Yes, the product need to perekantovat three days.
- No problem, answers what product, where to pick up?
- Yes, they took four baboons on the stock exchange - and the charter will fly from Uzbekistan at the end of the week. And the seller requires an urgent take out.
He did not believe it - I quotes him in the nose.
- Where will I keep them?
- Yes, in the bathroom.
“My ancestors will kill me!”
- Everything, I put you on the counter, return grandmas! And to feed with what - I open quotes of the exchange, I find fruit and I call:
- Brokerage 1255? Paletta bananas make delivery?
I ask him:
- Speak the address, bananas will be delivered today, you will eat at the same time, and baboons will be delivered tomorrow!
Well, he fell off his face, sat down, grabbed his head - and my friend adds oil:
“So I'm calling the roof to start shaking you, or do you take baboons?”
In general, he agreed, and realized that we were playing him only when we had variations on the theme that the baboons now have just the mating season and they are homosexual - so he needs to save his virginity !!!
And he still did not return the debt to me!
We in InYaza had such a nasty associate professor on SovPravu (long ago it was), in consonance nicknamed Gnusov. And in pedagogical studies, as is well known, young ladies, mostly. And apparently, something with the associate professor was irreparable, because he ignored the small number of people, and he clung to the girls every now and then and suspected of being disloyal to himself. He considered everybody to be a deadly insult, and since he was chronically tongue-tied (one of the pearls:
- Divorce is the place to be, when joint life together can no longer take place ...), the absolute majority from each course was considered personal enemies. And during one of the lectures, he clung to three girlfriends sitting in the same row:
- You three! What are your last names?
Gnusov, in white heat:
- What-oh ?! Get out of the audience! I still find out who you are and tell the dean that you are mocking me here !!!
And the names were real ...
Anesthesia in the field
We had a 10th grade workshop on first aid. For what girls such happiness fell, and what these two hours a week were occupied by boys, I really do not remember, and it does not matter. He led this case very colorful "powerful old man", who was a doctor even during the war. And his favorite topic was anesthesia in the field. It was necessary to answer this topic strictly according to the rules of the game. The algorithm, it appears, was this - first you talk about general anesthesia, then the "additional questions" began:
- And if you do not have medicines for general anesthesia?
- Then you need to make an injection for local anesthesia.
- And if you do not have medication for the injection?
“Then some pain pills.”
With a triumphant view:
- But you have no pills, in the field?
- Then you need to pour a glass of alcohol to the patient. At this point, he spread a happy smile and put 5.
The man grows
My son, 5 years old, gave out last Monday.
It is borne by the series "Do not be born beautiful," I really do not know that he was so hooked. But not about that. Since the series is terribly fabulous for him, he sings a song from this film everywhere. On Monday evening, they returned from a walk, their son’s boots, and he sings so protractedly:
- ... If there is any love in the heart ...
And so time 5. I ask him:
- Does love live in your heart?
The answer shocked me.
- And what about all women, so I’ll go to the beach in the summer to choose a woman for myself.
- Why actually summer? .
I get the answer:
- And what to look at them in the winter, they walk in fur coats. nothing is visible / So, the male is immediately visible. And what will happen next?!
Escape from the box
My friends had a dwarf hamster. Beautiful such a gray with longitudinal dark stripes on the back. He loved to eat "muesli", especially with raisins and nuts, seeds and other inedible things for a normal person. He lived in a transparent plastic box, the top of which consisted of a plastic lattice, in the center of which was a small plastic lid through which food and drink were supplied.
The lid just clicked, by telling a little effort on it. At the bottom of the box were filings sawdust, in which this rodent was rummaging through boredom. Like any normal chum, he soon very much gored from such a life and began to look for a way to escape. At first, he gnawed around the perimeter of the wall of the box, where he could reach, causing the box to its height acquired a matte shade and ceased to be transparent. However, the plastic turned out to be rather thick and, seeing the futility of this business, he still continued to do it - at least some business. It is clear that he was bored when people constantly stare at him, and in order to give him an intimate comfort, empty yogurt cups would fall into the box. He slept in them, necessarily turning the glass upside down, and under the sawdust he climbed inside. What he did there - no one knows, probably hatched a daring escape plan. After some time, he gnawed a glass completely and a new one fell to him. This "mug" carefully watched with its black beads for the principle of the lid-hatch. And one day the hamster pushed the upturned cup exactly under the flap, and I must say that while standing on it he still did not reach the lid, then grabbed the plastic top with his paws, pulled himself up and began to nibble the edge of the lid, and that snapped behind certain protrusions. The gnawing process proceeded in an extremely uncomfortable position, since the hind legs were hanging in the air. The edge of the cover was gnawed out just enough that it stopped catching on these ledges and the prisoner of the castle, if with a slight movement of the shoulder, opened it slightly and climbed out. I think he was completely satisfied at that moment. It is necessary to say that this process did not last for a day, but he never did it with us, that is, no one saw it nibbling the lid. In general, the escape was prepared by all the rules in secret from the jailers. It was only later, when he was caught with difficulty the next day (I think he was just hungry and decided to give up), he stopped being shy and showed everyone how he did it, periodically clinging to the bars and nibbling the lid on which he now stood liter can of water.
And seeing all this, how can one say that animals are driven by instincts? Most likely they are the same as we, only others.
Grandma and Princess
It was in the city of Saratov. On a sunny summer day there is a tram along its usual route. The people languish from the heat and boredom, and then at one of the stops, the old lady of God dandelion tumbles.
I don’t know how in other cities of Russia, but in Saratov, the first women to break into any kind of transport are the first women (select them there or what?), They are actively taking their places, and then they start moaning about their sores and problems.
So, an old woman bursts in and starts rushing along the tram in search of free space, and suddenly, having noticed an empty seat in the tail, she starts to break through to the goal.
In the same tram there was a very cool little chick (by the way, not only did I like it), frankly, an excellent “nipple”, of which there are many in the glorious city of Saratov (are they selected there or what?). And now this sex bomb without any ulterior motive, not seeing the bursting granny, elegantly sits down on an empty seat, some were in close proximity to it, and begins to contemplate the scenery outside the window with a bored look.
An old woman who has almost reached her cherished goal, from surprise and from such arrogance, simply turns into a salt member for a few seconds, but comes to herself and starts whining:
- What kind of youth went! No respect for the old, sick people! All adult life without prodykhu and rest, for five shifts at the machine ... well, etc.
Our sex goddess didn’t have to persuade for a long time (consciously that she came across, or the old woman reminded her of her own grandmother) and she said:
"- Grandma, please sit down" - gives place.
Grandma, fucked up from such an easy victory and from unintentional happiness, immediately flops onto the vacant seat. Having attached my trunks and appreciating what to talk "for the dust" with the sweaty uncle who was sitting next to him, the old woman got a little sad and began to look around.
It should be mentioned here that there were not very many people in the tram, it was noon, the heat was terrible because of the same heat and young age our queen's clothes matched the tastes of the male half of the tram. Namely: a white transparent short (barely covering the panties) dress, through which a fluffy, unburdened bra and bikini pants clearly loomed. In short, a full junk!
And now the granny's keen eye suddenly clings to the "STE disgrace." Fortunately, when the grandmother fought for "a place in the sun" to consider our fairy had not had time, and even when she stood nearby, it was simply not possible not to notice such beauty. And grandma started her own barrel organ: Oh, good people! But what STE is done! Absolutely lost shame!
Our geisha pretends that we are not talking about her and continues to contemplate the landscape outside the window with cold calm. Grandma is not appeased: - Lord! Yes, we didn’t dare to raise our eyes in years, skirts were dragging on the ground. And then in broad daylight such a passion!
Here our supermodel begins to calm the old woman. And calmly so:
- Grandmother, why are you so separated? Then there was another time, etc.
Grandma is still wailing more than ever and frantically turning her head in search of support and understanding among the passengers, and not finding it fade again:
- Yes, in our time, all the girls were afraid to fart, and not that ... well, etc.
Our porostar to her in response without raising the tone:
- Grandma, calm down, well, of course, you were of course whiter, blush and whiter in your years ... etc. No arguments have already acted on the grandmother and the grandmother’s bar finally fell: “Ento should be in a quality place like this!” Where the school is looking, the council of veterans, the conductor, finally! The boy-conductor looked the same way as the whole male half of the tram. And then our star gives the last argument in this situation in order to reason the completely dismissed old woman:
- Grandma, go to the x ..!
Grandma stuck for a second:
- Yes, you ... Yes, you ... Yes, you and x ..- something you probably never saw before!
To which our princess replies:
- Grandma, if you collect all the x .. that I saw in my life and hang on you, then you would have become a hedgehog.
Grandma with the speed of a supersonic bullet flew out of the tram ...
In Saratov, that day was a record heat
Peter. The last line of defense.
No fuck, you pass on these makvichov. Yopt, I am a fuck with them - they are wrong, this is not the way, and they don’t like shit about names! Who the fuck told you that in this fucking Maskve you speak correctly, eh? Chevo? Capital? Who is Maskva? What is the capital of Armenia and Azerbaijan? Do not ride nah, in Maskva there are less carved mascwits than I have pubic hair. Fuck, kaneshno - Maskva pizizila we have a lot of FSE loot and do not blow yourself in dick - Maskvich devour sturgeon, spread it with black caviar, and in parallel with this we here choke with black bread, richly watered with orphan tears. And dream at least once to atvalu.
And after all this, the Maskuchi will have the audacity to teach us - Us! Residents of cultural blyat stalitsy Rasii! - how to gavarit. What the hell are you spelling, phonetics, and so on, huh? Someone guessed something? Mumble fucking!
The only thing, for kovo maladoe maschofskoe generation uchitstsa literacy - this is Decl. Well, maybe looking for billboards. Everything! And there isn’t anything falling away and politely asking for it - Daragiye Petersburgers, can you tell us, blunt uyobkas, how correctly - the doncher, or fs the same donut? And by the way - here you are for it a little bubble. We would not fucking fucking fucking about us, wouldn’t have become a pateshazza over illiterate maskals, who would write the words "ibazza" through "e", but would explain the pensive donkey with a round, but WITHOUT HOLES! So in the beginning it was conceived. And there were no donuts for Panach alu vapsche. And the donut was hit like this.
Once a pimply youngster bought a dozen ponchicofs. I ate them almost FSE, only one donut remained. Pasmatrel to a young man and thinks - Fuck, no-no-a-day dyota about me fucking me, in the mornings the flocks are like a scamp, let me at least don a donut get out. Well, fuck, he sat in the kitchen, deprived the donut of effeciency (fuck where the hole is in the fucking dump!), The current has been a little bit fricky - fucking yigo mom enters the kitchen.
Enters and fucks from this spectacle. Our young man, from lack of pride in a complete stupor, will remove the donut from the svaigo huya and stuff it into his mouth. Mommy asks - What did you have there?
And the young man, while still pa in a stupor, atvachayet - Cunt. But with a mouthful of it, it began to sound so - pyshda. Mama, naturally, hears out - a donut, she calmed down and left. Fskore the whole city began bringing donuts in order to pick out the most delicious muffins from them. And the youngster was named Mikhailo Lomonosoff.
But if with donuts and donuts we more or less got it, then with some other glories it’s just pedets.
Pachimu, for example, shawarma in Maskva is called shaurma - even I cannot pan it. In fact, the name is not fucking Russian, they came up with his campaign or Azeri. So fucking pachimu these LKNy in Maskva gavaryat one, and in St. Petersburg the other, eh? Type - diaspora raznaya? In Maskva, the Daudaev shawarma is kept, and in St. Petersburg - the Basayev?
What the hell comes to - I have seen one of the races a stall, and on it is written - SHAVERMA. And below, in parentheses - (SHAURMA). Type for those in the tank.
Gloriously fucking. Speaking of stalls - FSEs know that they in Maskva call themselves fucking tents - completely, according to fucking? Pezdets, you would have called for their search for caps! Well, they would ask me, I would payasnil - they say it is a stall from the word chest, that is to say, a storage room for practicals. But fucking a tent is where the students at the time of hiking were a tebutz, and she doesn't have a niche with a stall! So no, fucking at a maskwich, she also has pathos Nemer, they are smarter than fseh, FSE with balabashes, wheelbarrows and fucking tubes, neibazza in his mouth êàî. I said - the tubes? All right, listen carefully.
Here is a problem for advanced GSM users from the province.
Condition: you have removed 3/4 of the brain and you have become an inspecting maskwich.
Task: Review the phone like it is fucked.
The answer is mabila.
Huila fucking you, not Mabila! Fuck, so what is this - such is the word is not in Russian. There is a tube, but there is no mobile phone! When I hear the word Mabila, I immediately come to mind here such associations:
Mabila, kid, decl, seeds, tachila, fingers, adidas. What the fuck?
Reby nah, atvkayte, atvkayte blya razgavarivat on fucking until it's too late. And then you'll buy a tent shawarma with donuts in tents, eat it all, and eat cormorants for mabil. And then go to the parade of the station to turn off. Although sorry nah - I forgot: not in the front door, but in the entrance. Ebanuzza.
A man is going to take a shower while his wife has just washed when the doorbell rings. After a brief clarification of who to go to open, the wife gives up, quickly turns around in a towel and runs downstairs to find out who came. Opening the door, she sees her neighbor Bob. Without letting her say a word, Bob says: “I will give you $ 800 if you lower the towel.” After thinking for a couple of seconds, the woman throws off the towel and remains naked in front of Bob. After enjoying the spectacle, Bob hands her $ 800 and leaves. Embarrassed, but inspired by sudden success, the woman, returning the towel to its original position, goes upstairs. When she returns to the bathroom, the husband asks from the shower: “Who was it?”, “Our neighbor, Bob,” she replies. “Excellent,” says her husband, “did he not say anything about the 800 dollars I lent him?” MORALS: If you share important information about investments and risks with your companions, you can avoid undesirable consequences.
An employee of the sales department, a service specialist and their boss go to lunch and find an old oil lamp. They rub a lamp and Jin appears in a cloud of smoke. Gene says: - "I usually fulfill three wishes, so each of you can make one at a time." - "Chur, I'm the first!", - Says the employee of the sales department. "I want to be now in the Bahamas, rushing without worries on a scooter on the waves." Puff! And it dissolves in the air. - "I'm the next one!", Says the service specialist. "I want to go to Hawaii, relax on the beach with a personal masseuse and an endless supply of Pina Colada." Puff! Disappears. “OK, your turn!”, Says Gene to the manager. Then the manager says: - "I want these two to be in the office after dinner." MORALS: Always let the boss speak first
One day a donkey farmer fell into a well. While the farmer was thinking, What should he do, the animal would make plaintive sounds for hours. Finally, Farmer made a decision, he considered that the donkey was already old, and the well had to be closed anyway. It was just not worth the effort to pull out the old donkey. He invited all his neighbors to help him bury the well. All together they took up shovels and began to dig and throw the earth into the well. The donkey immediately understood what was happening and began to publish a terrible squeal. Then, to everyone's surprise, he fell silent. After a few throws of land, the farmer decided to check and see how it was down there. He was amazed at what he saw there. With every piece of land that fell on his back, the donkey was doing something quite incredible. He shook himself and stood on top of the dumped earth. While the farmer’s neighbors continued to throw the earth into the well, each time the animal was shaken and placed on top of the poured earth. Very soon everyone was surprised, because they saw the donkey go upstairs, jumped over the edge of the well and rushed forward like mad!
In life, you will meet a lot of all sorts of dirt and every time life will send you a whole new and new portion. Whenever a lump of earth falls, shake yourself and go upstairs and only so you can get out of the well. Each of the problems that arise is like a stone for moving to a stream. If you do not stop and do not give up, then you can get out of any deepest well. Shake and go up. To be happy, remember the five simple rules:
1. Free your heart from hate - forgive.
2. Free your heart from unrest - most of them do not come true.
3. Lead a simple life and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less
Enough of that, but now:
After a while, the donkey returned home and bit his farmer badly because he wanted to bury him alive. Later, an infection got into this deep wound, and eventually the farmer died in agony from septic shock.
THE MORAL OF TODAY'S LESSON: if you did wrong and do something to cover your skin, remember that all this will come back to you.