My Blog: jokes funny jokes

November 18th
Today my mother taught me to write. I'm writing bad, but I'm trying. Papa n. (Further illegible) picked out the drum. Tonight I'm going to eat him a hunk of elite hay (I know where the reptile is hiding). November 19
The whole day was diarrhea. To write not to the magician on November, 21st
Dad said it's time to pound the hooves. The family does not have a bubble. We put the icebreaker. It's cheaper. The whole evening was scratched hooves. Crying. December 15
Uncle came in masks. They took my mother. Long looked at me. Mom was taken away on a butterfly with the inscription "Circus". The rest of the day he listened to the "Leaving Noone" of the Beatles. He thought and cried a lot. Dad stuck up late. All in someone else's dung and pretty drunk. He said he was at the presentation. I know his presentation. Again, with Peg and the Black-Horned Kaurka, they went to the racetrack to look at the overseas mares from behind the fence. Igo-th. I saw those in pictures in my father's magazines. Like. He was excited. 21 December
Have brought mum. On the head are feathers. She was addicted to cigarettes, she was fed only with hands (fu, with hooves). Eats (sorry mom) current candy. On the ass (sorry mom, Burka-hooligan taught) fitted some kind of leather crap, such as a chair. One uncle sat on his mother and said "BUT !!!". MAMA HELD WITH CHELAVEKS !!! I decided that the family for me is no longer a fundamental tool in my life space (peeked in the encyclopedia of horse breeding). The first time I drank the swamp water, which my father forgot on the table. Igo, the yoke. Crapped. 27th of December
I am a pony. I understood this only today. Burka-hooligan for 2 years younger than me, but grew up already on 3 heads. Found the word suicide in the newspaper. I thought a lot. I listen to Budenny's marches. I notice behind myself informal judgments. Decided to stamp the anarchy and the patient. We need butterflies. I grow a mane. Began to smoke. I carry masturbating tobacco from my mother. Burka taught me how to score. We smoke together. Mom-anarchy, papa-glass of manure. Daddies do not have a home for the third day. 31th of December
Today is the New Year. The folder came with the Blackjack Kaurka and Pegim. All the buoys. He pulled out a chirik from him. Finally I'll make a pacifier. Mom died. From overdose of sugar candies. The uncles arrived on a butterfly. What is a meat cannery? I'll look in the encyclopedia. The bitch, Burka-hooligan, made from a necessary page a joint. They did not deploy. They smoked. Sorry mom. 1st of January
Tonight we will go to the teluh from the neighboring stall. Burka-hooligan promised to show udders. I'm glad in advance. I used to see the current in the pictures. Farting. 4 January
Fell in love. My name is Murka. Ass, what you need. Udder - you can not grab four hoofs. I sucked for the first time. The boys really laugh. Che what. Looked at the Terminator. I thought a lot. Arnie - you're a real horse. 10 January
Murka - turned out to be a cow. Guys, you n. (Further illegible). The Hare Krishnas came in. Took to read a little book. Kama Sutra. Everything, nah, I'm going there. Banana, the daughters, the points on the forehead. I want you. In the ass world. I want a war! The Taliban are a fire! I called New York. Threatened. January 16
An account came from New York. The druids say, my father drove all over town. I was looking for. I was hiding in the shed at the Tropuni-dead. We talked. It turns out to be a good guy. It was he who drove the droves, where his father chopped them. Nekrasov wrote with him. Tprunya said so. A little boy with bridles has been dead for a long time. How many years are there? January 20th
Tupuna, bitch, lied to everyone. Scientists infected him in childhood with anthrax. Type for the experiment. Hardly got out. True brains are not left. Tepunya is down and sucker, and pi .. (further illegible) is foldable. I will be more attentive to friends. 02 February
What the hell. Burka hooligan is skinhead. Today I'll talk to him. March 14th
Two days ago he came out of a coma. I can write. The truth is trembling hooves. I do not remember much. Papa sent his friend with a broadcast. Murdered, probably half gobbled up on the road. Or replaced. Silo is stale. He gives yagel. I know that. He used to be a deer. Changed the orientation, bitch. Said daddy's busy. Type, I got a job. We lit up. It turns out that Dad bothers the cart. Batya is a rapper. He puffed up laughing. March 15th.
Batya is a loader. I carry carts. I thought. March 23
Write out. Pripsya daddy in a smart papo. He said that we will go to the zoo. Come on. Some clown-freak poked his finger at me and yelled that he would write a song about me. I remembered the current that the girls' ponies roll, pony boys skates. I told him that when I grow up I'll kick his ass. He did not say aloud. I love children. March 24
Daddy kicked my asshole today. I discovered that I ate up his stash of elite hay. My dad is a molecular freak. At it each molecule is perverted. Again, he rested against the buddies, half-dozen khu (further illegible). I'm going to work. April 10th.
Today, with my new friend Sivka and his dudes (lying in the clinic together) we went to the Matrix. Disoriented. I want to learn kung fu. Fell in love with Pythia. When I grow up. I'll find and fuck. Wrote a verse: Oh, Pythia is the flower of my garden Not everyone is given a biscuit to bake And if you're fucking awake very happy. Ready to pile ass jumping. I want to send her. I need an address. I asked Bati if there were any African couples in our family. So what. I started writing Wachowski brothers. I did the tattoo on the right hoof: Pythia - I'm yours !!! R.S. Sivka is hereditary down. His grandfather raised kangaroos. Who are kangaroos? 14th of April
I'm looking for a job. Offer any x .. (hereinafter unintelligible). Which one of me is the CFO? When he was a lady, a gypsy stuck. We talked. I found myself near the taxis. The silver-plated bells have removed, the sway. Forever disowned the concepts of "tabor" and "herd". 25th of April
Today a type approached the streets and asked if I would like to work in an interesting Internet project. He called the address. I was under the buzz (I washed the tanks at the brewery today) and I said that I agree. He said he'll call. What a fucking project. Ahead of May 1. Agreed with Sivka to remove the teluh. 1st of May.
He put on a red bandana. I'm a communist after all. Power of the lights and no cops, on. Sivka put on the mask of Chapaev's horse. Well, fuck, Chapaev's horse, you can not tell. Said a relative from the hillock sent. Dissident of the heirs. Urine of the bourgeois. Teluhi disappeared by themselves. Marriages of current for love. I love Lenin. But I do not speak out loud. SRs around. May 2
ATP-nicknames freaks. So the liver was repulsed, that the second day to rise not to the magician. I try not to include electrical appliances and light. Mschu Chubais. Sivka crawled. I told him that I was taken to heat in the Urals. Fir slipped away. To hell with this kind of communism. I will become a Russophile, a Tolstoyan, a clear-eyed person. 16th of May
Two spirits and a huntsman came with them. They brought battle. He showed them a split hoof (my mother gave birth is difficult). Have looked. They rusted their debts. They said they'd go in for something like a belyash (ticket of this type). May 17th
Freaks, it turns out I'm not fit for growth. And in the airmen? There our guys die, and I'm here? Made the list: 1. Buy a bar 2. Do not piss on you May 24
What Pythia fuck. Nicole Kidmyn - this is a woman. Cruz - you screwed up, Loharik. It's May now. The target posibl. Presented: Nicole and I are Kidmyn and the Horse. May 25-26
Departed from excessive influences of different alcohol on the 24th. (On the road, the car with vodka turned over, drove soft-boiled, the passengers in general can not yet be found, but the vodka is almost all the rest.) We did not even have a whole bunch of horses, with Sivka adjusted to the unconscious.) To wide-closed eyes. They say that in the accident, Troguya is to blame. However, what about the bad. Goodbye, Tuna. June 1st
Day of protection of horses. Suck with Sivka like a pig. Let's go to the teluhs on the farm. The ass hurts from salt. A hot water bottle does not save. Crying. June, 18th
McCartney rules unequivocally. I wrote to him on E-mail. Congratulations. What is Message Delievery Reort? Do not you just say it's easy? 26 June.
I called that type from an Internet project. He said to come the day after tomorrow. Agree? I thought I'd go. In the evening I did not drink. June 28th
The first experience of oral sex. Dude - I'm a coming horse. The current is small. We were taken to a digital camera and to a movie. Said they will show on TV and campus. Gave a poster: Pony on I HAVE CONTACTED WITH HUMANS. It's from mom. I thought about suicide. Saving the butterflies, careful put me in the blanket. I'm going to go and buy a beer. July, 12.
Magical green butterflies. I did not think that enough is enough. They have a wonderful property to reproduce. (Sivkin's ancestors over the hill flew with Shapito, he taught them how to change). Humans are dibils. You give one - you get ten. The stallion looks like a piece of beef. The whole district here was plowing. Even Burka was a hooligan. He now works in a mentovka. Patrol. Maza is for the future. And where are the documents for the house? July 16
Came from mentura. Have shown ksive. Type of my kennel prevents the construction of an important strategic facility. Have asked to show documents on a living space. Where's Daddy? July 20
The fifth day at the station I live. I saw Kaurka, a black-skinned man. He said that my dad threw my hoof 2 months ago. Methyl alcohol from a can at the chemical plant was ripening. Yes, and potatoes from McDonald's. And ecology is also not important. Forgive my father. September 1
Ass. Cold blah. And Th I'm not a musk ox. Now would have grown hair and not steamed (not merz in the meaning). 7 September
I got a job at a refinery. Daddy's communication is former. He was juggling at a party of some "Yukas" or riding a bicycle. I'm shorter than some type of their important, Khodarkovsky that-whether, attached the trolleys with the workers to pull to the tower. What they do, it's not clear. Just in case, I draw Burke-hooligan into the cops. September 11
He fell into a vat of fuel oil. Spruce was pumped out. Now I'm black. I read Tolkien. I decided to become a dark force. I feel an asshole, it will not work. 20 November.
I'm breathing guys .. Hey, dude, testament left in the blanket.
Pasha and Gulya
Situation. We go with a friend Pasha for a rehearsal. Naturally, without doping the process will not go, so we buy two low-alcohol drinks per brother, we stand, we drink, we wait for his girl Gulya. He loves her and sometimes he is afraid :) This Gulya comes. Then the dialog:
"Gul, will you swallow?" Gulya, with a suspicious look:
- This is what "Noosh" in the account? Pasha, with a guilty look, lowering his eyes:
- The orange ...

Semi-annual cutlets
The wife does not cease to amaze with pearls. Spring Fever?
I went to cook cutlets. I'm sitting, I hang the strings on the guitar.
Voice from the kitchen:
- Sunny, you from which side of the patties to fry? About the guitar, I forgot for half an hour ...

Why watch?
My husband at work has a colleague - a young programmer. And there is a methodologist who gives tasks to programmers, a young girl. The girl has long been trying to chew the task to the programmer, and he's at her - like zero attention, buried his nose, does something. And so for ten minutes. She can not stand it:
"Will you finally pay attention to me or not ?!" To which he says quite calmly:
- What for? Are you a monitor, or what? .. They say that she reproached him with this phrase for a year ...

Diary of the clitoris
January 30, 2006
How I hate those Her nails extruded.
Again I touched. Everything hurts.
February 3rd. This one was watching lesbian porn.
Saw a lot of ours. That's really good for them there ...
Finished two times. Good. Second time with envy.
February 5th.
This gulped. Some drunken man with a two-day stubble breathed on me for a long time with a fume, then scratched it with his cheeks and fell asleep with his forehead pressed. It did not reach the language. I cried, I wanted to, but I can not.
February 6.
This one looked at me in the bathroom mirror. Said I was small. Bitch.
10 February.
At the neighbor next to the bottom again flows. This one bought some new gaskets. Smell with chamomile. I suffocate.
The 14th of February.
Wow-ho! Wow! This girlfriend gave a vibrator. It seems I will finally start a personal life. I'm scared of the anticipation!
February, 15.
He is much better than her fingers with narrowned nails, but certainly inferior to the language. Although perhaps it's a matter of practice. In general, he is very nice, so touchingly shaking .. We agreed to chat somehow, when this one falls asleep.
February 20th.
How tired I am. Why can not I control myself? Why am I completely dependent on her insatiable libido? I'm tired of finishing by the wave of her hand. I want independence. Talked with a neighbor, promised to help - work on a vaginal orgasm, if possible - take a vacation.
February 23.
This again gulped.
This time is much more successful. MUCH !!!
At first I thought that everything would get to my neighbor. But on the second call I was almost licked to death. Till now the head is spinning.
February 25.
I thought that I was really lucky. Take for example a neighbor - it is constantly something shove, I could not resist ..
February 27.
Were at the gynecologist. I do not care. I'm starting to hate my neighbor on the sly - well, why all the attention is only to her, although the pleasure from me is more ???
28th of February.
I'm still angry, I do not talk to my neighbor, and I'm finishing this up with a give.
March 1.
Oh, spring .. The mood is so romantic, that while This slept finished just because of some existential delight. This one thinks that everything is because she dreamed of Brad Pitt. Fool! Yes, I like Sean Penn.
March, 3rd.
In the morning I shouted to my distant neighbor in the shower. He, too, hard. He has a life - shit ...
March 8.
At the corporative party, the chief pressed this into a corner in the toilet, rubbing my finger for a long time, all to no avail. Maybe I'm frigid? This truth all the same pretended that I had finished, but I can not hypocrite!
9th of March.
The neighbor next to the flood again. How annoying. Is this going to last a lifetime? Began to scold her, but she called me a zadrot, and I have nothing to say. Went to himself.
10th of March.
Because of the flood of a neighbor, This agreed to let the boss only to a distant neighbor. How then he was indignant. He does not like this business. But does she ask, the egoist is damn ... But the boss is an asshole, he does not pay any attention to me at all.
March 13.
This whole day I cried because of the break with the boss. And I'm glad. In the evening they consoled themselves with a vibrator. It was easy.
March 25.
This one seems to fall in love. I feel it. They are just kissing, but I'm all frozen inside. How nice it is.
30th of March.
Everything was!!! He is very attentive and sensitive, he did everything right, I already flushed with pleasure! I told my neighbor that at such a rate cunnilingus would have to be renamed into a clitorolinguus! He's jealous of me. Apparently with the vaginal orgasm nothing happens.
3 April
Progress is obvious. They do not forget about me, my neighbor is also happy, says that she managed to find some strange point in it. Optimistic looks at the prospects of vaginal orgasm. For some reason I am also positive. Apparently when This is happy, I automatically feel good.
May 30
Dear diary, I'm sorry that I have not written for a long time. A month later, these wedding. I do not know what is the use of this for me, but everyone rejoices - both the neighbor from below, and the distant neighbor. I heard a rumor that internal changes will come in this. The neighbor says that she will have a hard time. But we all together hope for the best. And what else remains? ...

We are not empty-handed!
We had a copy in our picturesque colorful company, let's call it Andryusha. He was already under forty, and he was a convinced bachelor. Dame changed his gloves, no one had more than two or three months did not stay, either because of the eerie Andrew's appearance, or because of a very low salary. That is, he was, he is, so to speak, offended by God. And then strange things began to happen - then one and then another gathering Andryusha was with the same lady, and the lady is very pretty, years from the strength of 20. But all this was rumors so far ... We arranged a merry Razgulay in the forest. Songs, vodka, then all right, the night by the fires ... And so it appears, to the fire, at which your obedient servant sat with his party, Andryusha comes up. But not one. And with the lady who exactly corresponded to the descriptions - pretty, very young at all, she looks like a girl.
The jacket is put on her and he is wearing the same sweater, that is, the gentleman is showing. The lady has an indefinite expression on her face, and without letting go, she holds Andryusha by the hand. But - her belly clearly indicates why she has already been with Andrei for a long time. In short, we invite them, Andryusha presented to the lady. She does not say a word. Andryusha, as usual, entertains people, took a guitar, sang something - the lady is silent. The people are having fun, drinking, singing, in a word - under the full program - the lady Yulia would at least have said a word. His belly is stroking. Our women, compassionate people ask, like, whether it's cold to you, Yulechka, sit closer to the fire - she answers something vague. Our women gave Yulia "foam", they put him in the best place, so that it would be convenient, ask how she feels and so on-female, so to speak, compassion. And now it ends at us booze ... And it ends. Not a drop, not a gram, but still just warmed up. And then Andryusha slaps Yulia on the back and says in a cheerful tone:
- Well, Yulek! We are not empty-handed!
Julia, slowly vtsav and assessing the situation, unbuttoned and pulls out of the huge inner pockets ... six bottles of vodka! Women in the draft, the men are delighted. But Andryusha still married her after a few months.

You take baboons?
We had our office in 1991 at ul. Kirov (now Myasnitskaya) in Moscow, not far from RTSB - Russian commodity and raw materials exchange. We held on the stock exchange brokerage office. At that time, the exchange was more like a small wholesale market - every day a huge price list of pages was printed on 300 small text - who, how much does it sell, - broken down into groups of goods - from condoms and computers to color and domestic animals. I disclose somehow the quotes of the current day - my God, in the "pets" section is the following:
- Product name: "Baboons (males)" Quantity: "4 pcs.
"Minute party:" 4 pcs. "Location" Moscow "Delivery method:" Pickup "Warranty:" Veterinary certificate "
The price: "$ 2000 / шт". Well, we clung to it. An old friend came to me that day, owed me $ 500 - a lot of money for that time. Again he began to ask for a reprieve. I mumbled, mumbled ... And then it dawned on me. I tell him:
"Listen, do you want me to write off my debt?"
Is he:
- Of course, and what to do?
- Yes, the goods need to be re-rented for three days.
- No problem, it answers which goods, where to pick up?
- Yes baboons four pieces on the stock exchange took - and from Uzbekistan the charter will arrive after them at the end of the week. A seller urgently needs to take out.
He did not believe - I told him quotes in the nose.
"Where will I keep them?"
- Yes in the bathroom.
"My ancestors will kill me!"
- Everything, put you on the counter, return the money! And feed something than - I open the stock quotes, find fruit and call on the phone:
- Brokerage firm 1255? You will make a palette of bananas with delivery?
I ask him:
- Speak the address, bananas are delivered today, at the same time, and you sing yourself, and baboons - tomorrow we deliver!
Well, he disappeared from the face, sat down, clutched his head - and my friend pours oil on:
"So I'm calling the roof to start shaking you, or are you taking baboons?"
In general, he agreed, and realized that we are playing it, only when we went to the variations on the theme that the baboons are now just a mating season and they are homosexual - so he needs to cherish his virginity !!!
And he still has not returned the debt to me!

The negative associate professor
We used to have such a nasty assistant in Sovnar in InYAZ (for a long time it was), according to the consonance nicknamed Gnusov. And in pedodenlenii learn, as is known, young ladies, basically. And apparently, something with the assistant professor was irreparable, since he ignored the few children, and the girls continually clung and suspected in a disloyal attitude towards themselves. Any hihanki considered a deadly insult, and because he was chronically tongue-tied (one of the pearls:
- Divorce takes place when there is no longer a place for a joint life together ...), then the absolute majority from each course counted for personal enemies. And during one of the lectures, he clung to three girlfriends sitting on one row:
"You three!" How are your names?
- Kovriga.
The second:
- Kurochkina.
- Kurochatnik.
Gneiss, in white heat:
"What-what?" Get out of the audience! I'll still find out who you are and let the dean know that you are kidding me!
And the names were real ...

Anesthesia in the field
We had a seminar in the 10th grade on the topic of first aid. For which the girls were so happy, and the boys occupied these two hours a week, I really do not remember, and it does not matter. This business was conducted by a very colorful "powerful old man" who was a doctor even during the war. And his favorite theme was anesthesia in the field. Answer this topic was strictly according to the rules of the game. The algorithm, it appears, was such - first you tell about general anesthesia, then "additional questions" began:
- And if you do not have medicines for general anesthesia?
- Then you need to make an injection for local anesthesia.
- And if you do not have medicines for the injection?
"Then some painkillers."
With a triumphant air:
"But you do not have tablets either, in the field!"
- Then you need to pour a glass of alcohol to the patient. At this point he blurred into a happy smile and set 5.

The man is growing
My son, 5 years old, gave it out last Monday.
He fights from the series "Do not be born beautiful," and I do not know what got him so hooked. But not about that. Because he likes the show terribly, he sings a song from this film everywhere. In the evening on Monday we returned from a walk, my son pulls his shoes together, and sings so long:
- ... If there is a love in the heart ...
And so time 5. I ask him:
"Does love live in your heart?"
The answer shocked me.
- And how, to all women, I'll go to the beach on a woman myself in the summer.
Reasonable question:
- And why actually in the summer? .
I get the answer:
- And that they look at them in the winter, they go in fur coats. You can not see anything / That's right, you can immediately see the mans growing. And what will happen next?!

Escape from the box
My friends had a dwarf hamster. Beautiful such, gray with longitudinal dark strips on the back. He liked to eat "muesli", especially with raisins and nuts, seeds and other inedible things for a normal person. He lived in a transparent plastic box, the top of which consisted of a plastic grille, in the center of which was a small plastic cover through which food and drink were fed.
The lid simply snapped, sending a little effort to it. At the bottom of the box were filled with sawdust, in which this rodent ransacked from boredom. Like every normal chum, he soon completely cared for such a life and began to look for a way to escape. First, he gnawed around the perimeter of the box wall, where he could get it, why the box on the height of its growth acquired a matte shade and ceased to be transparent. However, the plastic was thick and he, seeing the futility of this case, still continued to do this - at least some business. It is clear that he was bored when he was constantly staring at him, and to give him an intimate coziness, empty cups from under yogurt dropped into the box. In them, he slept, necessarily turned the glass upside down, and under the filings climbed inside. What he did there - no one knows, probably, nurtured a saucy plan to escape. After a while he gnawed out a glass and a new one fell to him. This "mug" carefully observed with its black beads behind the principle of the lid hatch. And one day the hamster pushed the inverted cup just under the hatch, but it must be said that he still did not reach the lid on the lid, then he grabbed by the paws behind the latticed plastic top, pulled himself up and began to gnaw the edge of the lid, Snapped on certain ledges. The process of gnawing proceeded in an extremely uncomfortable position, since the hind legs were suspended in the air. The edge of the lid was gnawed enough so that it ceased to mesh for these protrusions and the prisoner of the castle, with a slight movement of his shoulder, opened it and got out. I think he was completely satisfied at that moment. I must say that this process lasted not one day, but never with us he did not do this, that is, no one saw him gnawing the lid. In general, the escape was prepared by all rules in secret from the jailers. Later, when he was caught with difficulty the next day (I think he was just hungry and decided to give up), he stopped shy and showed everyone how he did all this, periodically clinging to the grate and gnawing the lid on which now stood half- Liter water tank.
And seeing all this, how can you say that the animals are driven by instincts? Most likely they are the same as us, only others.

Grandmother and Princess
It was in the city of Saratov. A summer sunny day is a tram on its usual route. People are exhausted by the heat and boredom, and then an old lady-dandelion is pouring in on one of the stops.
I do not know how in other cities of Russia, but in Saratov, in any transport, it is the old women who first get through (select them there or what?), Take an active place, and then start moaning about their sores and problems.
So, the old woman bursts in and starts to rush about the tram in search of an empty seat, and suddenly, noticing the free place in the tail, begins to break through to the goal.
In the same tram was a very cool chick (by the way, not only I liked it), let's say straightforwardly, an excellent "nipple", of which in the glorious city of Saratov there are a lot (select them there or what?). And now this sex bomb without any backward thought, not seeing the erupting granny, elegantly sits down to a free place, which was in the immediate vicinity of it, and begins with a bored look to contemplate the landscape outside the window.
The old woman, who has almost reached the coveted goal, from surprise and from such impudence, just turns into a salt cock for a few seconds, but when she regains consciousness she starts to whine:
- What kind of youth went! No respect for the old, sick people! All conscious life without rest and rest, five shifts at the machine ... well, etc.
Our sex goddess did not have to persuade for a long time (conscious whether she got caught, or the old woman reminded her of her own grandmother), and she said:
"- Grandmother, please sit down" - gives way.
Babka, fucked by such an easy victory and from accidental happiness, immediately flops to the vacant place. After attaching their trunks and appreciating that they could not talk "for living" with a nearby sweating uncle sitting next to her, the granny was a little sad and began to look around.
Here it should be mentioned that the people in the tram were not very much, noon, the heat was terrible because of the same heat and young age, our queen's clothing corresponded to the tastes of the male half of the tram. Namely: white transparent short (barely covering the panties) dress, through which clearly loomed magnificent, unburdened breast bra and panties-bikini. In short a full spot!
And now the sharp-eyed granny suddenly clings to the "ento disgrace". Fortunately, when the grandmother struggled for a "place under the sun" to consider our fairy has not had time and even when she got up close, not to notice such beauty was simply not possible. And grandmother got her own barrel organ: Oh, good people! Yes, what is the STE done! I completely lost my shame!
Our geisha pretends that it is not about her and continues to contemplate the landscape outside the window with a cold calm. Grandmother does not quit: - Lord! Yes, we did not dare to raise eyes in the years of age, the skirts on the ground dragged along. And here in broad daylight such a stamina!
Then our supermodel starts to calm the old woman. And calmly like this:
- Grandma, why are you so broke up. Then there was another time, etc.
Babka still waggles the old way and frantically turns his head in search of support and understanding among the passengers, and without finding it again gundit:
- Yes, in our time, all the girls farted afraid, and not that ... well, etc.
Our pornostar answered her without raising her tone:
- Grandma, so calm you, well, you were certainly in your years of all whiter, all rouge and whiter ... etc. At the grandmother, no arguments were in force, and the plank of the grandmother fell completely: "Ento should be in the same place in this form!" Where does the school, the veterans' council, the conductor, at last! The guy-conductor looked the same way, where the whole male half of the tram. And then our star gives out the last argument in this situation in order to moderate completely the old-fashioned old woman:
- Grandmother, go on that x ..!
The wand jammed for a second:
- Yes you ... Yes you ... Yes, you and x .. - I probably never in my life have not seen!
What does our princess answer for her?
- Grandma, if you collect all the x .., which I saw for my life and hang on you, then you would turn into a hedgehog.
Babka with the speed of a supersonic bullet flew out of the tram ...
In Saratov that day there was a record heat

Boa constrictor
Peter. The last line of defense.
No fucking, you're looking at these maqwichs. Jopt, I fuck with them - then they are not so, it's not like that, and fucking names nah nah not nravyatstsa! Yes fuck who told you that in this fucking Maskwe you are talking properly, eh? Chevo? Capital? Who is Muscov? The capital of Chevo is Armenia and Azerbaijan? Do not pick nah, in Muscov, there are less Karen Muscovites than my pubic hair. Fuck, kaneshno - Maskwa spizdila us pachti fse dabs and do not blow a dick in yourself - Muscovites are eating sturgeon, spreading it with black caviar, and in parallel with this we are pressured by a black loaf, abundantly watered with orphan tears. And a dream at least once before the atlas.
And after all this, the Muscovites have the audacity to teach us - Us! Residents of cultural fucking steel Rasii! - How to gavarit. Yes fucking that you panimayte in spelling, phonetics and that kind of garbage, eh? Someone poked something? Mask shit!
The only thing that the Masoof generation has in the Maladoye generation is a teacher of letters - this is Decl. Well, maybe you are looking for billboards. All! And there is no way to fall and politely ask - Daragiye, Petersburgers, do not tell us, stupid Uybekov, how right is it - or what's the fuss? And by the way - you need a little money for this. We would fucking fuck would not be offended, would not become patesatstsa over illiterate masks, which the words "Ibazza" through "e" write, and a dodgy and panyatno would explain - a donut fuck he is a round ass, but WITHOUT A HOLE! So in the beginning it was conceived. And there was no panache of ala vapsche. And the puffing was like this.
Once a pimply youth bought a dozen ponchikof. I ate them almost fs, there was only one donut. Pasmatrel is a young man and thinks - Shit, oh, no one can fucking me daoyot, in the mornings a school-boy is a crochet, let me at least give a donut a fucking donut. Well, blasphemy, he sat in the kitchen, stripped the donut of definity (that's fucking where the hole is in the fucking shit!), The current has completed a few friktsy - huyak yigo mam enters the kitchen.
Enters and achives from this ethereal spectacle. Our youngster from nezhydannosti in a full stupor shoots a puff from a swabo dick and shoves himself into his mouth. Mom spraysyvayet - Choi something you had there?
And the youth, being still in the stupor, heaves - Pussy. But with a mouth full it sounded so - pyshda. Mom, naturally, she could hear - she was pussy, she was satisfied and left. Soon the whole city began to apyhodyvat donuts in order to get them from the fanciful dumplings. And the young man was called - Mihailo Lomonosoff.
But if with pyschki and donuts we more or less figured out, then with some other glories just a crochet.
Pachimu for example shavermu in Maskve Shawarma called - eto even I can not panayat. In fact, the names - it's not fucking Russian, the campaign of the Ary or the Azeris came up. So fucking pachimu these LKNy in Moscow gavarit one, and in Peter is different, eh? Type - diaspora raznaya? In Muska Shawarma Dudaevs are kept, and in St. Petersburg - Basayevs?
What the fuck is going on - I've seen a stall in one of our races, and on it it's written - SHAVERMA. And lower, in brackets - (SHAURMA). Type for those in the tank.
Clarifying fucking. Speaking of stalls - FSE in the course that they are in Muskva nazyayutstsa absolutely perfect for the fucked - tents? Pezdets, you would have named them pilots! Well, if you could ask me, I would piyasnil - say the stall is from the word "chest", that is, the premise for storing the prakdutof. A fucking tent - this is where yebutskza students during the tourist's house, and nichevo sniffer with a stall she does not have! So no, fucking a Muscovite her pathos nemereno, they are smarter than fseh, fs with balabas, wheelbarrows and tubes fucking, non-Ibiza in his mouth. I said - tube? Okay, listen carefully.
Here is the task for advanced GSM - a user of the province.
Condition: you have removed 3/4 of the brain and you have become a nurturing mascovich.
The task: review the handset as you like.
The answer is: mabil.
Huila fuck you, but not mabil! Fuck, well, it's so-so, and words are not in Russian language. There is a tube, but no mobile! When ya hear the word mabil, I immediately come to mind here such associations:
Mabila, boy, declin, seeds, tachila, fingers, adidas. What the fuck is that?
Rebja tries, atevykayte, atvyvyte fuck rasshavarivat on izabanutomu, yet late. Otherwise, you'll be able to buy shawarma and donuts in tents, eat all this, ad-time, the cormorant on the mabil. And then go to the parade to hang the clock. Although sorri nah - I forgot: not in the front door, but in the entrance. Ebanutstsa.

A man is going to shower while his wife just washed herself when a doorbell rings. After a brief clarification of who to go to open, the wife surrenders, quickly turns around in a towel and runs down to find out who has come. Opening the door, she sees her neighbor Bob. Without letting her say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $ 800 if you let the towel down." After thinking for a couple of seconds, the woman takes off the towel and remains naked before Bob. Enjoying the spectacle, Bob hands her $ 800 and leaves. Confused, but inspired by the sudden success, the woman, returning the towel to its original position, goes upstairs. When she returns to the bathroom, the husband asks from the shower: - "Who was it?", - "Our neighbor, Bob," she replies. "Excellent," says her husband, "did he say anything about the $ 800 I lent him?" MORAL: If you share important information about investments and risks with your companions, you can avoid undesirable consequences.

A sales employee, a service specialist and their boss go to lunch and find an old oil lamp. They rub the lamp, and Jin appears in a cloud of smoke. Jin says: - "I usually fulfill three desires, so each of you can guess one by one." - "Chur, I'm the first!", - says a sales employee. "I want to be now in the Bahamas, race without caring for a scooter on the waves." Pooff! And it dissolves in the air. - "I'm next!" - says the service special. "I want to go to Hawaii, relax on the beach with a personal masseuse and endless supply of Pina-Colada." Pooff! Disappears. "OK, it's your turn!" Says Jin to the manager. Then the manager says: - "I want these two to be in the office after lunch." MORAL: Always let the boss speak first
Once the farmer's donkey fell into the well. While the farmer was thinking, How should he do it, the animal made mournful sounds for hours. Finally, Farmer made a decision, he felt that the donkey was already old, and the well had to be closed in any case. Just do not spend those efforts to pull out the old donkey. He invited all his neighbors to help him dig a well. All together took up shovels and began digging and throwing the land in the well. The donkey immediately understood what was going on and began to make a terrible squeal. Then to everyone's surprise he quieted down. After a few throws the farmer decided to check and see how it is down there. He was amazed at what he saw there. With each piece of land falling on his back, the donkey was doing something absolutely incredible. He shook himself and stood over the discarded land. While the farmer's neighbors continued to throw the land into the well, each time the animal was shaken and became over the piled up earth. Very soon everyone was surprised, because they saw how the donkey climbed up, jumped over the edge of the well and rushed forward like an angry man!
In life you will meet a lot of dirt and every time life will send you all a new and new portion. Whenever a clod of earth falls, shake yourself up and go up and only so you can get out of the well. Each of the emerging problems is like a stone to go to the creek. If you do not stop and do not give up, you can get out of any deepest well. Shake and rise up. To be happy remember five simple rules:
1. Free your heart from hatred - forgive.
2. Free your heart from unrest - most of them do not come true.
3. Lead a simple life and value what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less
Well, enough about this, and now:
After a while the donkey nevertheless returned home and badly bit his farmer because he wanted to bury him alive. Later, an infection hit this deep wound, and in the end the farmer died in agony from a septic shock.
MORAL OF THE TODAY'S LESSON: if you have done wrong and do something to cover up your skin, remember that all this will come back to you.