My Blog: jokes funny jokes
The best random discoveries of mankind
History shows that some scientific discoveries, including those that turned the world over, were made entirely by accident.
Suffice it to recall Archimedes, who, having descended into the bath, discovered a law, later called his name about submerged bodies and pushing out their force, or Newton, on which a famous apple fell. And, finally, Mendeleev, who saw his table of elements in a dream.
Perhaps, something here is an exaggeration, but there are very specific examples showing that much in science depends on the case. Wired magazine collected some of them:
As you know, Viagra was originally developed as a remedy for angina. Men of the world should be grateful to the inhabitants of the Welsh city of Merthyr Taidfil. It was here in 1992 during the tests that a noticeable side effect of the drug was found.
Swiss scientist Albert Hofmann in 1943 became the first person to try "acid". He noticed the effect of lysergic acid diethylamide when he was conducting medical research on this substance and its effect on the birth process.
In the XIX century, many scientists were interested in the rays that appear as a result of electron impacts on a metal target. However, the German scientist Wilhelm Roentgen discovered x-rays in 1895. He exposed various objects to this radiation and, changing them, he accidentally saw how the projection of the bones of his own hand appeared on the wall.
Scottish scientist Alexander Fleming in 1928 was engaged in the study of influenza. Once he noticed how the blue-green mold (natural penicillin secrete molds), multiplying in one of Petri dishes, killed all the staphylococci there.
5. Artificial sweeteners
The three most common sugar substitutes were discovered only because scientists forgot to wash their hands. Cyclamate (1937) and aspartame (1965) were a by-product of medical research, and saccharin (1879) was accidentally discovered in studies of coal tar derivatives.
6. Microwave ovens
Microwave emitters (magnetrons) operated on Allied radars during the Second World War. New possibilities of application were discovered in 1946, when the magnetron melted the chocolate in the pocket of Percy Spencer, one of the engineers of the American company Raytheon
In the Middle Ages, wine merchants often evaporated water from the beverage transported so that it did not spoil and took up less space. Soon, some quick-witted decided to do without a recovery phase. Thus was born the brandy.
8. Vulcanized rubber
Unvulcanized rubber is very unstable to external influences and smells bad. Charles Goodyear, after whom the Goodyear company was named, discovered the process of vulcanization, when he accidentally put a mixture of cauca and sulfur on a hot plate.
9. Potato chips
Chef George Krum invented a popular snack in 1853. When one of his clients complained that his potatoes were cut into too thick slices, he picked up the potatoes, cut them into slices almost a sheet of paper and fried. Thus there were chips.
10. Buns with raisins
Here it is worth mentioning about the legend described by a connoisseur of Moscow journalist and writer Vladimir Gilyarovsky that a bun with raisins was invented by the famous baker Ivan Filippov. Governor-General Arseniy Zakrevsky, who once bought a fresh saika, suddenly discovered a cockroach in it. Called on the carpet Filippov, grabbed an insect and ate, saying that the general was mistaken - it was a highlight. Returning to the bakery, Filippov ordered to immediately start the oven buns with raisins in order to justify himself before the governor.
15 THINGS that girls do not fundamentally
That is, sometimes we do them all the same, and even get pleasure from them, but even then we understand that they are a clear violation of the unspoken "Code of Conduct with Men", which we try to adhere to ...
Yes ... Let it does not always work out.
1. We do not come to meet you on time.
That you do not have a deceptive impression that I take this meeting at least a little seriously. It is necessary to torment you!
2. We do not kiss you on the first date.
Although, it would seem, what difference: the first, second, that the fifty-fifth, not in mathematics, after all, happiness.
3. We do not talk about the fact that we have colored hair, contact lenses, veneers on teeth, or silicone implants in the chest.
And certainly we are not going to discuss these interesting facts with you in any way. Noticed? figured it out? it will be most correct if you keep the results of these scientific investigations with you. Professional illusionists, you know, also can not stand, when the secrets of their tricks become the property of the general public.
4. We do not sleep with you on a second date.
It's not that I re-read fairy tales in my childhood, where all the most interesting things happen on the third night - Viya there lead ... But I must, first, make you get me, and secondly, how you will otherwise guess that I am a girl with strict moral principles?
5. We will not come to your house for the first time, without any reason, even the most trifling.
Think, though that be, offer to give a unique, exquisite tea "Lipton" in tea bags. The temptation to offer a suggestion to read a tutorial on bagpipes. Ask for help to move the refrigerator. I need an excuse for conscience.
6. We do not call you earlier than three days after the date.
In theory, you, the animal, of course had to call himself. That same evening!
In extreme cases, the next day ... And, in an amicable way, I should not have desecrated my manicure with the need to dial your number ...
Because it's completely unclear why you do not call.
There are three options:
a) you died
b) I did not like you (it would be better if you died)
c) you are shy, because you are timid and insecure in yourself.
That's in line with option "c" I'll call, but not earlier than 72 hours after our meeting - I'll sit over the phone with a stopwatch, but I will not disgrace myself by premature call.
7. We do not say that you have a small penis.
At least, as long as we still hope for the continuation of the relationship. From our point of view, such recognition is the last frontier, the use of a nuclear button is the last explosion before the end of the world. In extreme cases, we can give you something like "well ... it's not very big, but so wonderful !!!"
8. We do not admit that we can spend hours looking at pictures of naked men.
Because in men I'm only interested in the soul. Did not you know? I, after all, are not such a primitive organism as some.
9. We'll never say "Darling, I'm not going with you today.
Because I did not count on the continuation of the banquet and put on my favorite old panties with yellow ducklings. In addition, hair removal in the bikini area now, too, leaves much to be desired.
I'll tell you better than what I know about the fact that today I decided to better understand our feelings.
10. We will not have sex with you in silence.
Do you want the truth? Twice in my life, I, when dealing with a man, actually experienced an irresistible need to yell, moan and howl. This man was my dentist.
In all other cases, I could easily and did not make a noise, even experiencing ten orgasms in a row, but I need to somehow encourage you! Well, in general - the more in the bedroom of the sounds of passion, the more gambling sex, and from you unless you will wait for the correct sound design? All it is necessary.
11. We do not tolerate when you, removing our pants from us, leave them hanging out on one leg.
At once there is a feeling that you do not treat me with sufficient care. And you are only interested in one part of my body (although, I know for sure that you are interested in at least three ... no ... even four).
12. We will not engage in oral sex with you two times in a row!
Unless you are a paralyzed patient, and I am a nurse of mercy, in all other cases, charity does not work, I'm not so eager to bring good to people.
13. We do not allow you to dig in the drawer with our underwear.
Would you like it if I opened the hood of the car, and started gambling there at random with a big spanner?
14. We will not have sex if you are watching a porn movie at that moment.
I must excite you at this moment, and not that unpleasant Swedish woman. You at least pretend to look at me! And anyway, your neck is curdling now, if you do not immediately stop staring - well, give me a remote!
15. It is very unpleasant for us to ask you for money.
We prefer to conduct abstract conversations about how the vile government again inflated prices for cocktail dresses and false nails. And then hope for the speed of your intellect.
On how to influence people (Carnegie rests). The brother of a civil aviation employee told me. The picture is as follows. The plane, the flight is quite local, from Siberia to Siberia. Before landing stewardess, as expected, announces: - Citizens are passengers! Fasten your seat belts. Well, the people, in the majority, begin to fasten. In the front row, a seven-by-eight child is sitting, and the ignorant ignores this reasonable demand. The stewardess, looking at the child, repeats: "Citizens are passengers!" Fasten your seat belts! The reaction is again zero. Then the phrase is repeated personally to him: - Citizen! Fasten your seat belt !!! In response, it follows: - Yes, you went ... Well, the girl, of course, offended and went to complain to the commander. A minute later, a comor (a small stature, a thin little muzhik, also lispy) flies out, jumps to this cupboard and pronounces the following monologue: "Music!" Here you pg'edstav yourself! Now, on boarding, if I'm just sitting past the lane, then the plane will stop, but you will fly further. Baskoy forward. And now you go to the Peg'ev Peg'ebog'ku (bends his fingers), the second peg'ebog'ku, t'et'yu peg'ebog'ku and find yourself in my cabin. The question is - what the fuck are you doing to me nuzen? The man SILENCE is fastened. The salon is out. A curtain.
It was all in the spring. I went with a colleague to adjust the grid from the client. They were wise enough, but they achieved their goals. Well, the guys from the department say: - Mol, for the success of such a business and drink is not a sin ... Their business is to offer, ours - to agree ... They gave it right. The colleague in full swing recalls that mother-in-law has arrived today, and, accordingly, she is eager to go home. We came out of the office - he broke into the bushes. The guys to him: - Sema, you're crappy? He: - No, you have a tuya growing here. You can smell a twig-there's no smell ... "He chewed, and parted. Somewhere in two months cause us to go there. Again, there is a problem. We approach the building, and Sema starts to laugh wildly, pokes his finger somewhere. I look - I do not believe my eyes. The peasants ate all the fat for two months.)
With such and such RoE for a long time do not live
There was a time - I was making in one of the shops of the flagship of the ferrous metallurgy. There are 6 people in the brigade, one of them is Mikhalych. Pre-retirement age, excellent knowledge of his work, a high-class fitter and, as a consequence, the highest authority. One of the bright days he asked to go to the polyclinic - make out a resort card, take tests and do various things. At the resort gathered, then. Well, the flag is in hand. The next day you have to take the results of the analyzes and continue on a circle. Comes to dinner, in the eyes - emptiness. - What happened? - I came for the results, gave a piece of paper, and there ROE - 97! (I do not remember exactly Tsyfir, but I knew much more than the norm). - What do the esculps say? Will you live? - And what can I say? And so everything is clear! Even in the hospital did not offer to lie down, so as not to spoil the statistics! Here Mikhalych for the thousandth time told how, while serving in the Sov. He collected the army near Semipalatinsk in a field of sheep, on which the damaging factors of the atomic explosion were investigated. The story is old and familiar to the toothache, but here we are quiet ... - And now what? - And what, with such and such ROE for a long time do not live. And once in the hospital they do not offer, so there is not much left. Someone's ridiculous joke hung in the air. Mikhalych went to his box and began to read out the will: to whom the small bits are small, to whom the keys are spanners, to whom the box itself (to the phrase "I have another now," no one smiled). I wanted to slap the guy on the shoulder, say the type: "Throw bullshit - make tea!", But looking at the hunched figure of a 50-year-old peasant at once, he did not want to joke ... Mikhalych spoke softly, not reacting to others: "They said even today by 16-00 to come, probably the last time already. Tomorrow I do not know: I will come to replace, is not it? Maybe I will not get up ... My grandson has not gone to school yet ... It seems that some of us that day silently said goodbye to him. The next morning Mihalych entered the office, where the interchange meeting was held, whistling something bragging. The mechanic of the shop froze in mid-sentence, 14 pairs of eyes took the size of the plate. - Mihalych ?! Alive?! - And it was not ROE, but the number of the cabinet. DOT. RS The glass in the workshop rang for a long time.
Young, beautiful, let me guess
It was somewhere in the year 93rd at the Kiev railway station. I then studied in the first year of the institute and grew pretty long hair. Near Kiev was the market. Cigarettes, alcohol, meat, etc. There were still gypsies. So that's it. The gypsy catches my hand. To consider does not have time. He says: "Young, beautiful, let me pay". And without waiting for my answer, he begins to predict the house - a full cup, a cloud of money, other benefits, and a beautiful, BLUE BLOODINE !!! (for those who have not reached - I'm a man). The people are standing around - laughing is choking ... but keeps! I play my part to the end. When she looks at my face, I say very loudly: "Woman, you will excuse me, but predictions will not come true!" I'm not blue! (Creepy laughter around). After that I'm sure - gypsies, even women, are much better runners for short distances than astrologers!
Work on the nerves
It was May 9, 1991. I decided to give my son an air gun, Izhevsk. It's beautiful, black, with all sorts of tricks. And then I'm going from Moscow to Bronnitsy, first the metro, then the bus, then walk. And that the cops did not stick to the gun put in a bag, and on the barrel he put on a bag and sort of unnoticed that the gun. And after a two-hour journey I cross the last 500 meters to the apartment. The package is already quite, the poor have broken, is holding out of the last forces. And now, imagine a still life: a tall man is walking, wearing a black jacket, black jeans, black Cossacks, gray hair, black hair under his eyes (programmer I), in his hands a tattered package with some formless garbage. And now two veterans are catching up with me. One man asks: - What are you, a guy, gray-haired. You do not have a lot of goddesses ... Probably through Afgan passed? - No, it's just a job, it's all on nerves ... Here the package finally breaks up, I say "damn, now you have to go on with your yards," and I take the gun in my hands a la Hieropaedia. Pause. Quiet voice after: - Yes ... And from such work and ulcers will receive ...
It was in 1988. I then served as a "fighter" in the valiant Soviet Army. The service was carried by a signalman at the aerodrome. "Ass in the soap, face in the mud. Where are you from? We are out of communication." On this day, I was an assistant to the duty officer for communications at the UPC. The UPC is the starting-command post, there are at all airfields, near the runway house, where the top floor is glass and where all the ups, downs and other life on the strip are controlled. The Communications Officer is a communications officer who is in charge of radios, telephones, speakerphones, etc. during flights. His nickname was "Kirill". And usually do not fuck him, and he sits all the flights, yawns. And there is a traffic light on the strip, almost normal, but without the yellow one. It is almost at the take-off point and duplicates the permission to take off in case of a radio failure. And he usually burns all flights in green, tk. do not use it almost. A tumbler of it just next to the stool Kiruli. And so the flights are in full swing, the planes take off-sit down one by one, the flight leader, the colonel, steers everything, the people at the UPC - 7-8 people, Kirill peacefully kemarit on his stool, I try not to snuggle together. Suddenly, after the words of the head of flights to the microphone, "takeoff allow", a mule runs out onto the strip, and even with a ruberoid roll on his shoulder. A crying cry to the microphone: "take off". And from the walkie-talkie in response: "I'm doing", and the plane begins to move to acceleration. The colonel yells: "Put it off!" A fly does not hear. Fuck knows, whether the radio has broken down, whether afterburn roars - interferes. The colonel turns to Kirill and "yells not with his own voice": "Click it, click it!" And he only woke up, opened his mouth and did not understand what was happening. At this time, the mudel successfully crosses the strip with his roofing material, the plane takes off. A colonel, wiping sweat from his forehead: "Yes, not E # licking, Kirill, and traffic lights."
Where is the fire extinguisher?
My wife was at work. They there needed to buy fire extinguishers in every room - like, firefighters got out with their extortion. Well, the headmistress gives the driver grandmother, he takes a partner with him (to make it easier to carry), they get into the car and go somewhere where these notorious objects are sold. They are bought (pieces 10) and go back. Brakes their traffic cop. And whether they somehow sharply talked to him, or something else, but he began, as usual, to dig up everything - all the documents collected, inspection, then-se. Then, of course, "where is the first aid kit, where is the fire extinguisher" ... The peasants and they tell him with meaning: "Let's go, we'll show." What happened next - everyone, probably, himself will present.
What is your chair?
I was then 11 years old. I got sick with jaundice and went to the hospital. Somewhere after a short stay in the same I went out of the room into the corridor in the evening. The nurse, who was on duty that night, asks: - What is your chair? (in the sense of what color). Maybe someone at 11 years old and knows the other meaning of the word "chair", except as a piece of furniture, but I gave the following phrase: - And we have two in the ward. The one that is darker and stronger is that of Uncle Kolya's neighbor, and the one that is brighter and more crepid is my ...
There was a celebration in our country just now. We noted where we live in the student hostel. WELCOMED by her homeland and, we have such a custom, we did not go to the balcony to sing songs to the guitar. Yes, it should be noted, we had a movie camera on which everything was recorded. And so, he takes a guitar on the balcony of Sasha and starts playing, so it turns out so well. Lesha is able to "I'll sing right now". And really sings, beautifully, sincerely, everyone has already heard ... Passes a week, again another party, this time without heating, again on the balcony. They ask Sasha and Lesha to sing a song, which they have all penetrated to the depths of their souls in the past. What song is that? - it's they who are asking us. Well, we outlined them in words. - Yes - says Sanya - a good song, I'm sorry I do not know the chords. We begin to precipitate. Here Leszek aggravates the situation: - I heard it several times, but I can not remember all the words, I will have to rewrite and learn from someone. We have a groggy state: - But you played it and sang it. Sanya played, Lech sang. "It can not be - they are both in one voice." - How can you perform a song without knowing either chords or words. - Wah - we are down and ... And then a ray of light in the dark kingdom: - We have it all recorded on the camera. - Come on, can not be, enough to make fun of - they are their own. - Yes, no, we try to prove it. Take the cassette and vidik. .. We wrote down cassettes and chords and words ... had Leszek and Sasha teach them ... We studied with ourselves. RS: The mentality of the Russian student is such - without rehearsal (read rehearsal) there are no cultural events.
It was my nephew Pashka at the time of 5-6 years and he came to my parents to stay for the summer. Shoes had to buy almost weekly - the child was very actively playing a war with new friends. But somehow the next shoe fell apart even earlier than a week later - and there was no time to go for a new one. Then just came to a neighbor, who grew up 2 daughters and, getting into the problem, promised to help. And a few minutes later she brought old sandals of sky-blue color and some kind of elusively feminine style. With the color my mother coped - carefully polished sandals with black cream and they became dirty-gray, but for the warrior the most it. But the shape was more complicated. We decided to leave everything as it is. Then I just ran home for a minute, saw the result and casually said to Pashka - oh, what kind of shoes you have! And he went to the street. A couple of minutes later I left. The picture is the following - Pashka is standing surrounded by boys and they are screaming in vain - and you have sandal-colored girls! Ha, respectively, ha ha. But Pashka is suspiciously unperturbed and looks at the others with some kind of arrogance. When the people laughed, Pashka proudly said: "You understand a lot!" This is LADIES shoes! The boys were quieted, embarrassed by their provincial lack of education. And I'm still wondering - how would Pashka get out, if he had a chance to ask - and what is it, in fact, this? About that, who such ladies, he learned only a few years later.
It was just last night. I called my friend in the Moscow region of Pushkino. His number is indirect, that is, you need to call through the figure-eight, get on the telephone operator, call her your phone number, name, and she already dials to the subscriber after a while. I called, ordered, everything is fine, then a childhood friend came to visit me, we drank a bottle of an aperitif with him. We sat, talked, enjoyed meeting and life in general, completely out of touch ... Suddenly the phone rings. I take off the phone (at the same time the metal is screaming at full throttle in the room, I hear it badly), and from the tube, in a mocking tone, they ask: "Did Pushkin order?" I already had time to forget about the call :-). I answer: - Girl, it's one o'clock in the morning, do not screw up. And I put the phone down. A minute later they called again: "Did you ask Pushkin for this?" I (with iron in my voice): - No. She did not have time to put the phone down, again: "Did you ask Pushkin for this?" I'm just hurling a pipe. A minute later, again: - Connecting with Pushkin ... I'm already beside myself. Oru: - Yes, even with Tolkien unite! The girl poured something into the phone, absolutely seriously: "Today they asked Pushkin for your number ... I sit down to think about who would be able to beat me like this ... It took me about fifteen minutes ... That's it. Drinking is harmful, and telephone operators are generally a group of moral hazard.
It was in 1988. We, two friends, have just been commissioned from the hospital. We passed service "beyond the river". We were then (ah, youth!) For 20 years. Who was at war, he knows that on his return a few months you feel, as they say now, the sheerest "scumbag". So we were like that. We sit on a bench in the park of our small Siberian town - Arthur on a prosthesis, and I had two bullets from my belly. We drink beer. After the vodka, of course. And conversations (what kind of talks can the 20-year-old boys with the war return? About the war.) We talk. Comrades come in cops of three gray personalities and begin to breed us, arguing that they are drunk, in a public place, etc. Well, it was not possible to shake off after one guard bathed Arthur's truncheon over the prosthesis and was very surprised that he did not fall, our patience is over. Mentosaurs have been removed - it is still pleasant to remember. On this the heroic part of the battle was over - many, many "gray" came and beat us, raked us. In the office, we appeared with broken faces in front of the eyes of the eldest - the cap. And (O FATE!) He was also an Afghan and served in our regiment! Immediately the messenger was sent for vodka and then, having thoroughly taken to the chest, our cap decided to be rehabilitated in our eyes. Having packed up the whole composition of his charitable institution, he informed them that a parade would be given in honor of the participants of the Afghan war. So, the picture, the GOM yard, the police captain and two beaten kids standing on the improvised platform, and marching in a ceremonial step and giving their honor to the stupid PPSniki. I will remember this picture all my life. RS can, it's not funny - but the truth!
It was like this: on our local television our home-grown correspondent interviews a certain cop: - And now the deputy. the head of the department for illegal trafficking in drugs ... well, etc. I giggled, then I decided - with who does not happen, well, I made a mistake ... I look further - no! It was not mistaken, poor fellow !!! This person among other things declares: - Since the beginning of the year, NASA has seized so many kilograms of marijuana ...
Parazvany me to the telephone!
It was autumn. I am in the information center of one of the district departments of internal affairs in Muscovy. Ministry of Internal Affairs, in other words. When in Moscow there were explosions of houses, we were all seconded to different departments, reinforced by type. (Trishkin kaftan, his mother ...) Well, in short, the night, we sit in the car, like guarding the house. Already all have bypassed, in all holes have glanced, it is impossible to sleep, checking, a paskud, rolls. And our friend with his subordinates is sitting on the next street, guarding there. Well, somewhere in 3 nights, we hear his voice on the radio, he, you know, is bored, so he gets on duty, has fun so. He spotted some suspicious truck and wants to get instructions from the duty officer. And the duty officer, it should be noted, is a fat major, a Caucasian. It's very funny on the radio to listen to something with an Armenian accent, but it does not offend anyone. And in those days there was a crazy house, even at night the radio did not stop, even at 6 in the morning, and the ass on duty all in the soap ... In short, our inquiries, inquires and the duty officer finally answers: "Parazvani mne to telafone! He lied that no one paid him for the cell phone, but he stopped talking on the radio, well, we think he's calling. After 15-20 minutes on the radio, the spiteful voice of our comrade is heard, saying that you, your mother with the phone, I can not get through. And then the duty officer gives out a classic pattern of ingenuity: "Can not you get through to Pacham ?!" With telafonom all in the steam train, here, the receiver in the hands of a dervish .... Then the laughter was standing, probably for the whole district, it was possible to calculate all the concealed outfits for the laughter, and how many phrases on the radio were of the type: - Do not you hold it, asshole, and put it down! - and do not count ...
Holiday in a hostel
There was a case many years ago, when I lived in an institutional dorm with two students from India. They tried very hard to adopt and take obshchagovskie rules of life, and therefore, for some holiday, they drank too much. And now one of them was about to show what and how much he ate, that is, just to puke. They laid him on a bed and spread a newspaper on the floor to make it easier to clean. And he rested his hands on the floor and began to read this newspaper. The following came about: "The Soviet people ... be-ee ... fie ... meets the holiday ... be-ee ... ugh ... new labor successes ... be-e -e-e ... pah ... "
Kennies, lambs, pigs
There was a birthday for one of our hipes (hippies, e.). Everyone drank decently, some smoked. In general, all is well. Then comes the late hour for three main joker. And he gives a birthday cassette with some kind of porn. People, of course, flew, come on, like, look, we will come off. Come on. They sat down. And one, we'll call him, say, Suck, by that time he'd got so drunk that he hardly understood anything. All settled down, everyone is curious, Sucking half asleep. The movie begins, at first like nothing, then went the horses, lambs, pigs. In short, some even blundered, well, and went to another room, leaving the vidak on. Sucks sleep. Everybody left. They are sitting, they've already forgotten about the movie. Here Sway runs into the room with bulging eyes and shouting at the whole apartment: - The people, there ... There ... FISHES! It was necessary to see how quickly the people fled to another room ... It turned out that at the end of the tape there was a not completely erased broadcast about aquarium fish.
Excursions to the Bastille
Were at the exhibition in Paris. I lived in a hotel in the city center in a double room with a friend. Well, of course, in the evenings beer is a river, talk for life, etc. And somehow my friend says that he wants to realize his cherished dream of childhood and visit ... Bastille. For those who do not know, I will say that the Bastille was demolished (I do not remember exactly) either in 1789, or in 1793, in short, during the Great French Revolution, about which we all ate in the school ate. I understand that this is on his part a subtle humor and begin to chuckle and pin up, as a result of which it turns out that he really does not know what I'm telling him. Of course, he does not believe. Then I suggest that he call our interpreter and ask. He calls, asks and looks puzzled into the phone, from where just a wild laughter is heard. It turns out that today our interpreter drove across Paris the wives of our numerous bosses, who from her in a categorical form, inherent only to the bosses' wives, the first number of the excursion. HAND THEM IMMEDIATELY TO THE BASIL AND VISIT THE CAMERA WHERE D ARTHANIAN was sitting !!!
There was a business in a hostel in Plekhanovka. Three comrades in kopeck piece (room for 2 students), drank all the fuel for about the second week. In the modest interior of the room for decoration was the old black and white TV "Record", it was picked up somewhere with a view to just standing for the appearance of the prosperity of the inhabitants of the room. Since there are only two beds in the room, the third comrade had to sleep on the mattress in the middle of the room, and when he got up, he rested his face on the TV. Picture: later (approximately 140) morning. Everyone woke up. They are silent. They remember that it was yesterday and they are afraid to say something superfluous (and suddenly it was not). The third comrade (who was sleeping on the floor) looks up, looks into his reflection in the TV screen, obviously surprised and says: - Guys, as to you I will come, duck necessarily some kind of x # nude on the telly is shown.
It was so. Our company, developing neither shakily nor roundly, lived to the point when on all computers of our office the Internet was installed. And the connection was not a modem, and through the radio-izhernet (I apologize if I got it wrong in the name). That is, it was already necessary to pay not for time on air, but for downloaded megabytes of all sorts of stuff. But, as often happens, the most actively visited sites are pornographic sites. And in such a size that at the time it was thought that we have not a firm, but a bunch of perverts. The administrator, in order not to incur the boss's anger with the amount of the subscription fee for using "netom", decided to start "sewing" (restrict access) to porn sites. And given the myriad of this "good" in the network, "sewn up" the site administrator for the keyword. (Something like porn, sex, etc.). The prohibition of access was manifested in the fact that the sign STOP appeared on the whole screen and the inscription that access to perverts is limited - the reception of complaints on the work phone ... and the administrator's phone is indicated. And I must say that as a conscientious person, he did his job to the glory, and soon few people could boast of having broken through to the cherished sites. The administrator was just glowing with pleasure. In a week of this inhuman struggle for a bright future, a tragedy broke out. Enraged chief, with a large crowd of people began to carry the administrator in the tail and in the mane. At first no one could understand the reason for this, and when they got it, they all collapsed. It turns out that the administrator in a fit of feelings "sewed up" the favorite page of the boss in a business newspaper with the name "ANALITIKA ..."
Figaro is here, Figaro is there
There was a case in London just recently. In one large theater rehearsed the modern opera "The Adventures of the Withered Bitch" of some Yanasek. Lead soloist (Quentin Hays his name), who played there a skinhead, went out to break to call on the street in the machine gun. He was dressed in a stage costume - a shirt with a flag in the back, chaos Dock Martens, a head shaved nalyso ... Well, here he dials a number, and here along the street two blacks scratched under two meters tall. They saw such a picture, pulled the singer out of the booth like a carrot from a bed, they were bolted to the wall and were going to break him in% of the dots from the fullness of the racial identity. Poor fellow, let's explain that he's only dressed as a role, but where is he ...? Save the actor only by singing "Figaro is here, Figaro is there ..." The peasants, hearing what he steep roulades deduce, believed that he was from the theater ran away - and let go.