This page has been robot translated, sorry for typos if any. Original content here.

My Blog: jokes jokes funny stories

The best random discoveries of mankind
History shows that some scientific discoveries, including those that turned the world upside down, were made by accident.
Suffice it to recall Archimedes, who, having sunk into the bath, discovered the law, which was later named after him about bodies immersed in water and the force pushing them out, or Newton, on which the famous apple fell. And finally, Mendeleev, who saw his table of elements in a dream.
Perhaps something here is an exaggeration, but there are quite specific examples showing that in science a lot depends on the case. Wired magazine has compiled some of them:
1. Viagra
As you know, Viagra was originally developed as a remedy for angina. Men from all over the world should be grateful to the residents of the Welsh city of Merthyr Tydfil. It was here that in 1992, during the tests, a remarkable side effect of the drug was discovered.
2. LSD
The Swiss scientist Albert Hofmann in 1943 was the first person to try acid. He noticed the effect of lysergic acid diethylamide when he conducted medical studies of this substance and its effect on the birth process.
3. X-ray
In the XIX century, many scientists were interested in the rays that appear as a result of electron impacts on a metal target. However, the German scientist Wilhelm Roentgen discovered X-rays in 1895. He exposed various objects to this radiation and, changing them, accidentally saw a projection of the bones of his own hand appear on the wall.
4. Penicillin
Scottish scientist Alexander Fleming in 1928 was engaged in the study of influenza. Once he noticed how a blue-green mold (natural penicillin is secreted by mold fungi), propagated in one of the Petri dishes, killed all the staphylococci there.
5. Artificial Sweeteners
The three most common sugar substitutes were discovered only because scientists forgot to wash their hands. Cyclamate (1937) and aspartame (1965) were a by-product of medical research, and saccharin (1879) was accidentally discovered in studies of coal tar derivatives.
6. Microwaves
Microwave emitters (magnetrons) operated on Allied radars during World War II. New applications were discovered in 1946 when a magnetron melted a chocolate bar in the pocket of Percy Spencer, one of the engineers at the American company Raytheon
7. Brandy
In the Middle Ages, wine merchants often evaporated water from a transported drink so that it would not deteriorate and take up less space. Soon, some resourceful decided to do without a recovery phase. So brandy was born.
8. Vulcanized rubber
Unvulcanized rubber is very unstable to external influences and smells bad. Charles Goodyear, after whom Goodyear was named, started the vulcanization process when he accidentally placed a mixture of rubber and sulfur on a hot stove.
9. Potato Chips
Chef George Crum invented the popular snack in 1853. When one of his clients complained that his potato was sliced ​​too thick, he took the potato, cut it into pieces almost as thick as a sheet of paper, and roasted it. So chips appeared.
10. Raisin Buns
Here it is worth mentioning the legend described by Moscow expert journalist and writer Vladimir Gilyarovsky, that the famous baker Ivan Filippov invented the bun with raisins. Governor-General Arseniy Zakrevsky, who had bought something like fresh salmon, suddenly found a cockroach in it. Called to the carpet by Filippov, he grabbed an insect and ate, saying that the general was mistaken - it was a highlight. Returning to the bakery, Filippov ordered an urgent start to bake raisin buns to justify himself before the governor.
15 THINGS that girls do not fundamentally
That is, sometimes we still do them, and even enjoy them, but even then we understand that they are a clear violation of the unspoken “Code of Conduct with Men”, which we try to adhere to ...
Yes ... Let it not always work.

1. We do not come to meet you on time.
So that you would not have the deceptive impression that I take this meeting at least a little seriously. It’s necessary to torture you!

2. We do not kiss you on a first date.
Although, it would seem, what difference does it make: the first, second, and fifty-fifth are not in mathematics because happiness is.

3. We do not talk about the fact that we have colored hair, contact lenses, veneers on the teeth, or silicone implants in the chest.
And we are not going to discuss these interesting facts with you in detail. Did you notice? guessed? it will be most correct if you keep the results of these scientific studies with you. Professional illusionists, you know, also hate when the secrets of their tricks become public knowledge.

4. We do not sleep with you on a second date.
It’s not that I re-read fairy tales in my childhood, in which all the most interesting happens on the third night - Viy is brought there ... But I must, firstly, make you obey me, and secondly, how otherwise you would guess that I am a girl with strict moral principles?

5. We will not enter your house for the first time, without any reason, even the most trifling.
Invent, at least be it, offer to drink unique, refined Lipton tea in bags. The temptation to offer to read the bagpipe tutorial. Ask for help moving the refrigerator. I need an excuse for conscience.

6. We do not call you earlier than three days after the date.
In theory, you, the animal, of course had to call yourself. That evening!
In extreme cases, the next day ... And, in a good way, I should not have desecrated my manicure by the need to dial your number ...
Because it’s completely unclear why you are not calling.
There are three options:
a) you died
b) you did not like me (you'd better die)
c) you are shy, because you are timid and insecure.
So, counting on the “c” option, I’ll call, but not earlier than 72 hours after our meeting - I’ll sit on the phone with a stopwatch, but I won’t disgrace myself with a premature call.

7. We do not say that you have a small penis.
At least as long as we still hope to continue the relationship. From our point of view, such recognition is the last frontier, the use of a nuclear button is the last explosion before the end of the world. As a last resort, we can give you something like "well ... it's not very big, but so wonderful !!!"
8. We do not admit that we can spend hours examining paintings with naked men.
Because in men I am only interested in the soul. Didn’t you know? I, after all, am not such a primitive organism as some.

9. We will never say, "Honey, I will not go today with you.
Because I didn’t count on the continuation of the banquet and put on my favorite old panties with yellow ducklings. In addition, hair removal in my bikini area also leaves much to be desired now.
I’d better give you a nonsense about the fact that today I decided to better understand our feelings with you.

10. You and I will not have sex in silence.
Do you want the truth? Two times in my life, I, communicating with a man, actually felt an unstoppable need to yell, moan and howl. This man was my dentist.
In all other cases, I could calmly not make a sound, even experiencing ten orgasms in a row, but I need to somehow cheer you up! Well, in general - the more sounds of passion in the bedroom, the more passionate sex, but will you really expect the correct sound design from you? All have to.

11. We do not tolerate when you, taking off our pants, leave them hanging on one leg.
Immediately there is a feeling that you do not treat me with trepidation. And you are interested in only one part of my body (although, I know for sure that you are interested in at least three ... no ... not even four).

12. We will not have oral sex with you twice in a row!
Unless you are a paralyzed patient, and I am the sister of mercy, in all other cases, mercy does not work, I am not so eager to bring good to people.

13. We do not allow you to delve into the box with our laundry.
And would you like it if I opened the hood of the car and started recklessly wielding random things there with a big wrench?

14. We will not have sex if at that moment you watch a porn movie.
It is I who must excite you at this moment, and not that unpleasant Swedish woman. You at least pretend to look at me! And in general, your neck will now curl up if you don’t immediately stop staring there - come on, give me a remote control!

15. We are very disgusted to ask you for money.
We prefer to conduct abstract conversations about how the vile government again pushed up prices for cocktail dresses and false nails. And then hope for the speed of your intelligence.

From life.
About how to influence people (Carnegie is resting). A brother, a civilian, told me. The picture is as follows. The plane, the flight is quite local, from Siberia to Siberia. Before boarding, the stewardess, as expected, announces: - Citizens are passengers! Fasten your seat belts. Well, the people, for the most part, are beginning to buckle up. A seven-by-eight-sized kid is sitting in the front row, and insolently ignores this reasonable demand. The stewardess, looking at the child, repeats: - Citizens are passengers! Fasten your seat belts! The reaction is zero again. Then the phrase is repeated personally to him: - Citizen! Fasten your seat belt !!! In response: - Yes, you went ... Well, the girl, of course, was offended and went to complain to the commander. A minute later, a comcor (a short stature, a dry little man, besides a lisp) flies out, jumps to this closet and says the following monologue: “Music!” Here you are! Now at the landing, if I tell a story, I’m sweeping past the strip, the plane will stop gazily, but here you are. Go ahead. And here you are, you fly the peg'e peg'ebog'ku (bends your fingers), the second peg'ebog'ku, tg'etu peg'ebog'ku and find yourself in my cabin. The question is - and you fuck me nuzen there? The MAN SILENT fastens his seat belt. Salon in touch. A curtain.
It was all in the spring. My colleague and I went to set up the grid for the client. Burst out decently, but achieved goals. Well, the guys from the department say: “Like, for the success of such a thing, it’s not a sin to drink ... Their business is to offer, ours is to agree ... They succumbed well. A colleague in full swing recalls that his mother-in-law arrived today, and, accordingly, is eager to go home. We went out of the office - it breaks into the bushes. Guys to him: - Sema, you fucking? He: - No, you have a thuja growing here. You squeeze a twig - no smell ... He chewed, and parted. Somewhere in two months they call us there too. Again a malfunction. We approach the building, and Sema begins to laugh wildly, pokes his finger somewhere. I look - I can’t believe my eyes. Guys in two months have eaten all the thuja.)
With such ROE do not live long
There was a time - I made in one of the shops of the flagship of ferrous metallurgy. There are 6 people in the brigade, one of them is Mikhalych. Pre-retirement age, excellent knowledge of his craft, a locksmith of the highest class and, as a consequence, the highest authority. On one of the bright days, he asked to go to the clinic - to draw up a resort card, take tests and all sorts of other things. Gathered at the resort, then. Well, hold the flag. The next day, you need to take the test results and further in a circle. Comes to dinner, in the eyes - emptiness. - What happened? - I came for the results, they gave me a piece of paper, and there ROE - 97! (I don’t remember exactly the digit, but I learned much more than the norm). - What do the Aesculapius say? Will you live? - Why speak? And so everything is clear! They didn’t even offer to go to the hospital, so as not to spoil the statistics! Then Mikhalych for the thousandth time told how during his service in the Sov. He gathered armies near Semipalatinsk in a field of lambs, on which the damaging factors of the atomic explosion were investigated. The story is old and familiar to a toothache, but here we are quiet ... - And now what? - And what, they don’t live with such ROE for a long time. And since they don’t offer to the hospital, that means there’s not much left. A ridiculous joke hung in the air. Mikhalych went to his mailbox and began to make a will: to whom the drill bits are small, to whom the spanners are, to the box itself (no one smiled at the phrase "I will have another now"). I wanted to slap a man on the shoulder, say like: "Throw rubbish over - make tea!", But looking at the hunched figure of a 50-year-old man, I didn’t want to joke ... Mikhalych spoke quietly, without reacting to others: - They said today to come to 16-00, probably the last time already. I don’t know tomorrow: I’ll come to replace, isn’t it? Maybe I won’t get up ... My grandson has not yet gone to school ... It seems that some of us said goodbye to him silently that day. The next morning, Mikhalych entered the office where the shift-meeting was held, whistling something out of the ordinary. The mechanic of the workshop froze in mid-sentence, 14 pairs of eyes took the size of the plate. - Mikhalych ?! Alive?! - And then it was not the ROE, but the cabinet number. POINT. R. S. Glass in the workshop rang for a long time.
Young, beautiful, let me tell you fortune
It was somewhere in the year 93rd at the Kiev station. I was then in my first year at the institute and grew quite long hair. Near Kiev was a market. Cigarettes, alcohol, meat, etc. There were also gypsies. So here. Gypsy catches my hand. Does not have time to consider. Says: "Young, beautiful, let me tell fortunes." And without waiting for my answer, he begins to predict a house for me - a full bowl, a cloud of money, other benefits, and a BEAUTIFUL, BLUE-EYED BLOND !!! (for those who did not get it - I'm a man). The people are standing around - choking with laughter ... but holding on! I play my part to the end. When she looks up at my face, I say very loudly: “Woman, you will excuse me, but the predictions will not come true!” I'm not blue! (Creepy laughter around). After that I’m sure - gypsies, even women, are much better short-distance runners than astrologers!
Nerve work
It was May 9, 1991. I decided to give my son an air gun, Izhevsk. It is so beautiful, black, with all sorts of things. And now I'm going from Moscow to Bronnitsy, first the subway, then the bus, then on foot. And so that the cops didn’t pester the gun, he put it in a bag, and put a bag on the barrel and it seems that the gun is imperceptible. And after a two-hour journey, I overcome the last 500 meters to the apartment. The package is already quite, the poor have torn, holding on with all their might. Now imagine a still life: there is a tall man, in a black jacket, in black jeans, in black Cossacks, gray hair to the shoulders, black circles under the eyes (programmer I), a tattered bag with some shapeless garbage in his hands. And two veterans are catching up with me. One asks: - What are you, guy, gray-haired such. Godkov isn’t very much for you ... Probably passed through Afghanistan? - No, it’s just that kind of work, it’s all nerves ... Then the package is finally torn, I say “damn it, now we have to go with yards” and take the gun in the hands of a la St. John’s Wort. Pause. A quiet voice followed: - Yes ... And from such work you will also get an ulcer ...
Click it!
That was in 1988. I served then as a "fighter" in the valiant Soviet Army. He served at the airport as a signalman. "Ass in soap, erysipelas in the mud. Where are you from? We are out of touch." On this day, I was an assistant on duty at the UPC. UPC is a starting-command post; there is a house on all airfields, next to the runway, which has a glass top floor and from where they manage all take-offs, landings and other life on the runway. A communications officer is a communications officer who is responsible for walkie-talkies, telephones, speakerphones, etc. during flights. His nickname was Kiryusha. And usually he doesn’t give a damn, and he sits, yawns all the flights. And there is a traffic light on the strip, almost ordinary, only without yellow. It stands almost at the take-off point and duplicates the take-off permit in case of a radio failure. And it usually burns all flights in green, because Do not use it almost. And its toggle switch is right next to Kiryusha's stool. And now the flights are in full swing, the planes take off and land one after another, the flight director, colonel, steers everything, the people on the UPC are about 7-8 people, Kiryusha is quietly standing on his stool, I try not to snore next to it. Suddenly, after the words of the flight director into the microphone, "I authorize take-off," some kind of mudlet runs out onto the strip, and even with a roll of roofing material on his shoulder. An angry cry into the microphone: "delay take-off." And from the walkie-talkie in response: “I’m doing it,” and the plane begins to accelerate. Colonel yells: "Put it back! Put it back!" But the flyer does not hear. Horseradish knows whether the walkie-talkie is broken, or the afterburner roars - it interferes. The colonel turns to Kiryusha and "not in his own voice" yells: "Click! Click!" And he just woke up, his mouth opened and does not understand what is happening. At this time, the Moodle successfully crosses the strip with its roofing material, the plane takes off. And the colonel, rubbing the sweat from his forehead: "Yes, not E # with a beggar, Kiryusha, but a traffic light."
Where is the fire extinguisher?
My wife had it at work. They needed to buy fire extinguishers in every room there - like, firemen got it with their extortion. Well, the boss gives the driver a grandmother, he takes a partner with him (to make it easier to carry), get in the car and go somewhere where these notorious items are sold. Purchased (10 pieces) and go back. The traffic cop slows them down. And either they somehow began to talk sharply with him, or something else, but he began, as usual, to dig up everything - he collected all the documents, inspection, that-and-that. Then, of course, "where is the first-aid kit, where is the fire extinguisher" ... Guys and they say to him with the meaning: "Let's go, show." What happened next - everyone will probably introduce himself.
What is your chair?
I was then 11 years old. I got jaundice and went to the hospital. Somewhere after a short stay in it, in the evening I left the room into the corridor. The nurse on duty that evening asks: - What is your chair? (in the sense of what color). Maybe someone is 11 years old and knows other meanings of the word "chair", except as a piece of furniture, but I gave out this phrase: - And we have two in our ward. The one that is darker and stronger is the uncle Kolya's neighbor, and the one that is brighter and more creaky is mine ...
It was a celebration here. Celebrated in the same place where we live - in a student dormitory. HE warmed up to her darling and, we have such a custom, didn’t go to the balcony to sing songs with the guitar. Yes, it should be noted, we had a movie camera on which everyone recorded. And so, Sasha takes a guitar on the balcony and starts playing, but it turns out so well. Alex in a state of "right now I will sing." And he really sings, beautifully, sincerely, everyone has already listened ... A week passes, again another party, this time WITHOUT heating, again on the balcony. They ask Sasha and Alex to perform a song, which they carried to the depths of their souls in the last seishin. What song is that? - they ask us. Well, we outlined them in words. “Yes,” says Sanya, “a good song, sorry I don’t know the chords.” We begin to precipitate. Here Leshka aggravates the situation: - I heard it several times, but I can’t remember all the words, it will be necessary to rewrite and learn from someone. We have a state of groggs: - But you played and sang it. Sanya played, Lech sang. - It can’t be like that - they are both in one voice. - How can I perform a song without knowing any chords or words? - Wah - we are knocked down ... And then a ray of light in the dark kingdom: - We have it all recorded on camera. - Well, it can't be enough to make fun of - they bend their own. - Yes, no, we are trying to prove. Take the cassette and vidik. .. We wrote down chords and words from the cassette ... Lyoshka and Sasha had to learn them ... We learned from ourselves. R. S .: The mentality of a Russian student is such that without rehearsal (read warm-up) there are no cultural events.
Ladies shoes
It was my nephew Pashka at that time 5-6 years old and he came to visit my parents for the summer. Shoes had to be bought almost weekly - the child was already very actively playing war games with new friends. But somehow the next shoes fell apart even earlier than a week later - and there was no time to go for a new one. Just then a neighbor came in, whose 2 daughters were growing up and, having delved into the problem, she promised to help. And a few minutes later she brought old sky-blue sandals and some elusively feminine style. Mom coped with the color - she carefully cleaned the sandals with black cream and they became dirty gray, but for the war girl it’s the most. But with the style it was more difficult. We decided to leave everything as it is. Just then, I ran home for a moment, saw the result, and in passing told Pasha - oh, what women's shoes you have! And he went out into the street. And after a couple of minutes I left. The picture is as follows: Pashka is standing surrounded by boys and they are screaming vying - and you have girls’s sandals! Ha, respectively, haha. But Pashka is suspiciously calm and looks at the others with even arrogance. When the people laughed, Pashka proudly said: - A lot of you all understand! These are WOMEN'S shoes! The boys fell silent, shy of their provincial ignorance. And I’m still wondering - how would Pashka get out if someone dared to ask him - what exactly is this? About who these ladies, he learned only a few years later.
Did you order Pushkin?
It was literally last night. I called my friend in the town of Pushkino near Moscow. His number is indirect, that is, you need to call through the number eight, you get on the telephone operator, call her your phone number, name, and she already gets through to the subscriber after a while. I called, ordered, everything is fine, then a childhood friend came to visit me, we drank a bottle of aperitif with him. We sat, talked, rejoiced at the meeting and life in general, completely out of touch ... Suddenly the phone rings. I pick up the phone (at the same time, metal is yelling in the room at full power, it is hard to hear), and they ask me in a mocking tone: “Did you order Pushkin?” I already managed to forget about the call :-). I answer: - Girl, it's one in the morning, no need to be kidding. And hang up. A minute later they called again: - Did you ask Pushkin? I (with iron in my voice): - No. She didn’t have time to hang up again: “Did you ask Pushkin?” I'm just throwing a pipe. A minute later, again: - I am connecting with Pushkin ... I am already beside myself. Oru: - Yes, at least connect with Tolkien !!! The girl, having flipped through something into the receiver, was absolutely serious: - Today they asked Pushkin from your number ... I sit down to think who would be able to stab me like that ... It came to me in about fifteen minutes ... That's it. It is harmful to drink, and telephone operators are generally a moral hazard group.
It was in 1988. We two friends have just been commissioned from the hospital. We served "across the river." We were then (ah, youth!) For 20 years. Whoever was in the war knows that upon returning for several months you feel, as they say now, a complete “scumbag”. Here we are. We are sitting on a bench in the park of our small Siberian town - Arthur on the prosthesis, and I had two bullets pulled from my belly. We are drinking beer. After the vodka, of course. And conversations (what can be the conversations of 20-year-old boys who have returned from the war? About the war.) We are talking. The comrades of the cops, consisting of three gray personalities, approach and begin to breed us in grandmothers, motivating us that we were drunk in a public place, etc. that he did not fall, our patience is over. Mentosaurs were finished - it’s still nice to remember. On this the heroic part of the battle was over - many, many “gray” ones arrived and, having beaten, they raided us. In the department, we appeared with broken faces before the eyes of the eldest - cap. And (O DESTINY!) He turned out to be also an Afghan and served in our regiment !!! A messenger for vodka was immediately sent and then, having thoroughly taken to his chest, our cap decided to rehabilitate himself in our eyes. Having put together the entire composition of his charitable institution, he informed them that a parade would be given in honor of the participants in the Afghan war. So, the picture, the GOM courtyard, the police captain and two battered boys standing on an impromptu platform, walking with a parade step and saluting the crazy PPSniks. I will remember this picture all my life. R. S. Maybe this is not funny - but the truth !!!
Turnover department
It was like this: on our local television, our homegrown correspondent is interviewing a certain cop: - And now the deputy. the head of the DEPARTMENT FOR ILLEGAL TRAFFICKING OF DRUGS ... well, etc. I giggled, then I decided - with whom it doesn’t happen, well, I made a mistake ... I look further - no !!! Not mistaken, poor fellow !!! This person, among other things, declares: - Since the beginning of the year, so many kilograms of marijuana have been seized from us ...
Parazvani mne to the phone!
It was autumn. I plow at the information center of one of the district departments of the interior in Muscovy. Ministry of Internal Affairs, in other words. When in Moscow there were explosions of houses, we were all seconded to different departments, reinforced type. (Trishkin caftan, his mother ...) Well, in short, night, we are sitting in the car, such as guarding the house. They already walked around, looked into all the holes, you can’t sleep, checking, paskuda, rides. And our friend with his subordinates sits on the next street, guards there. Well, at about 3 in the night, we hear his voice on the walkie-talkie, you know, he’s bored, so he gets the attendant on duty, has fun like that. He spotted some suspicious truck and wants further instructions from the duty officer. And the duty officer, it should be noted, is a fat major, Caucasian. It is very funny to listen to something with an Armenian accent on the walkie-talkie, but this is no offense to anyone. And in those days there was a madhouse, even at night the walkie-talkies did not shut up, even at 6 am, and the asses on duty were all in soap ... In short, ours was asking, asking, and the person on duty finally answered: “They’ve been called to the telephone! He shouted that no one was paying him for a cell phone, but he stopped talking on the walkie-talkie, well, we think he’s calling. After about 15-20 minutes, the angry voice of our comrade is heard on the radio, saying that you, your mother with the phone, I can’t get through to. And then the attendant gives out a classic example of quick wit: - You can’t get the pachem ?! Everything is in order with the phone, now, I’ll take the phone in my hands .... Further laughter stood, probably for the whole district, it was possible to calculate all the hidden outfits by laughter, and how many phrases were like on the walkie-talkie: - And you, asshole, do not keep it, but put it down! - and do not count ...
Holiday at the hostel
It was a case many years ago when I lived in a college dorm with two students from India. They tried very hard to adopt and accept the general rules of life, and therefore, for some holiday they fell into complete disarray. And one of them was about to show what and how much he ate, that is, simply vomit. They put him on a bunk and spread a newspaper on the floor, so that it was easier to clean. And he rested his hands on the floor and began to read this newspaper. It turned out something like the following: "The Soviet people ... be-ee ... ugh ... celebrates the holiday ... be-ee ... ugh ... new labor successes ... be-e uh ... ugh ... "
Konyashki, sheep, pigs
It was a birthday of one of our hippies (hippies i.e.). All drank decently, some smoked. In general, everyone is good. Then comes a late three o'clock chief joker. And he gives the birthday man a cassette with some kind of porn. The people, naturally, have flown, come on, like, let's see, we’ll come off. Come on. They sat down. And one, we’ll call him, say, Sucks, by that time he had become so obsessed that he hardly understood anything. Everyone sat down, everyone is interested, Sucks half asleep. The movie begins, at first it seems like nothing, then the horse, the sheep, the pigs went. In short, some even made their way, well, and went to another room, leaving the video recorder turned on. Sucks sleeping. Everybody left. They’ve already forgotten about the movie. Then Sucks rushes into the room with bulging eyes screaming at the whole apartment: - People, there ... There ... FISH! It was necessary to see how fast people ran into another room ... It turned out that at the end of the cassette there was an incomplete transmission about aquarium fish.
Excursions to the Bastille
Were at an exhibition in Paris. I lived in a hotel in the city center in a double room with a friend. Well, of course, in the evenings, beer is a river, conversations for life, etc. And somehow my friend says that he wants to fulfill his childhood dream and visit ... the Bastille. For those who don’t know, I’ll say that the Bastille was demolished (I don’t remember exactly) either in 1789, or in 1793, in short, during the French Revolution, which we all ate about at school. As I understand it, it’s subtle humor on his part and I begin to chuckle and tease, as a result of which it turns out that HE DOES NOT REALLY KNOW THIS, which I declare to him. He certainly does not believe. Then I suggest he call our translator and ask. He calls, asks and looks puzzled into the phone, from where just a wild laughter comes from. It turns out that today our translator drove around the wives of our many bosses across Paris, who from her in a categorical form, peculiar only to the bosses' wives, took the first number of the excursion to TAKE THEM IMMEDIATELY TO THE BASTIL AND VISIT THE CAMERA IN WHICH SID D "ARTANYAN !!!
What show?
It was a matter of a hostel in Plekhanovka. Three comrades in a dvushka (room for 2 students), drank all the fuel for about the second week. In the modest interior of the room for decoration there was an old black and white Record TV, and it was picked up somewhere with the goal of just standing for the sake of visibility of the prosperity of the room's inhabitants. Since there are only two beds in the room, the third comrade had to sleep on the mattress in the middle of the room, and when he got up, he rested his face on the TV. Picture: later (approximately 140) morning. Everyone woke up. They are silent. They recall that it was yesterday and are afraid to say something superfluous (and suddenly this was not). The third comrade (who was sleeping on the floor) raises his head, looks into his reflection on the TV screen, is clearly surprised and says: - Guys, no matter how I come to you, they’ll necessarily show some kind of ## nude on the TV set.
Dosed out
It was like that. Our company, developing neither shaky nor swell, lived up to the moment when the Internet was installed on all computers in our office. Moreover, the connection was not modem, but via radio-Internet (I apologize if I messed up the name). That is, there was already a need to pay, not for time on air, but for downloaded megabytes of all kinds. But, as often happens, the most actively visited sites are porn sites. Moreover, in such proportions that at the time it was thought that we had not a company, but a bunch of perverts. The administrator, in order not to incur the chief’s anger by the amount of the subscription fee for using “no,” decided to start “suturing” (restricting access) to porn sites. And given the myriad of this "good" in the network, the administrator "sewed up" sites by keyword. (Something like "porn", "sex", etc.). The ban on access was manifested in the fact that the STOP sign appeared on the whole screen and the inscription that access to perverts was limited - receiving complaints by work phone ... and the administrator's phone number was indicated. And I must say that as a conscientious person, he did his job well, and soon very few could boast that he had crashed into the coveted sites. The receptionist simply glowed with pleasure. After a week of this inhuman struggle for a brighter future, tragedy erupted. An enraged chef, with a large crowd of people, began to spread the administrator in the tail and mane. At first, no one could understand the reason for this, but when they figured it out, everyone collapsed. It turns out that the administrator, in a fit of feelings, “sewed up” the boss’s favorite page in a business newspaper with the name “ANALYTICS ...”
Figaro here, Figaro there
There was a case in London recently. In one major theater, they rehearsed the modern opera "The Adventures of the sharp-witted bitch" by some Janasek. The lead soloist (Quentin Hayes was his name), who played a reptile skinhead there, went on a break to call the machine in the street. He was dressed in a stage costume - a shirt with a flag all over his back, chicks Doc Martens, his head shaved bald ... Well, he dials a number, and then two Negroes are scratching two meters in height along the street. They saw such a picture, pulled the singer out of the booth like a carrot from the garden, they pressed him against the wall and were about to break him with a %%% dule from the fullness of racial identity. Let the poor man explain that he only dressed for the role, but where there ... The artist escaped only by singing "Figaro here, Figaro there ..." Guys, hearing what kind of cool roulades he takes out, they believed that he was from Theater escaped - and released.