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10 most ridiculous auto-incidents
Norwich Union, the largest insurance company in the UK, has published a list of the ten most ridiculous explanations about the damage to the insured car, writes. It turned out that most often strange autoincidents occur with the participation of animals.

Leading in this list is "damage to the windshield due to fallen from the tree frozen protein." In second place is "falling deer on the hood at the time of parking the car."

Also the list includes:

- "damage to the passing car by a frozen lube-kebab, which flew through the opened door of my car during the turn"

- "the chips of the enamel on my machine due to the fact that it licked passing by a herd of cows"

- "the collision of a zebra with a car while visiting a safari park"

- "uncontrolled depression of the accelerator while waiting at the traffic light, which led to a collision with the car ahead, and was caused by a creeping driver's right foot"

- "the inability to brake due to getting the potato under the brake pedal"

- "causing heavy damage to the car by a bull who escaped from an agricultural exhibition"

- "the destruction of a quadruple due to a jump in the cow"

- "damage to the trunk during a collision with a cow on the road, which then, turning over in the air, smashed its windshield with the rear part (the cow remained alive)."


Real history in geneology
Gynecology. Doctor. A lady with a positive test.
Lady:
"It can not be!" "It can not be! My husband and I were protected! The doctor (on a habit, wise experience):
- How? Condoms, contraceptives?
Lady:
- Well, my husband put on a condom, and we had a sexual act. It's congenial.
Doctor:
- And further? Condoms were torn?
Lady (confidently):
- Well no.
Doctor (very experienced):
- What's next?
Lady:
- Then my husband took a condom, tied it ...
And what would you think? we usually send it to the trash. But! Not so simple...
The doctor (apparently, taught by many years of experience, continues the interrogation and asks a brilliant question):
- So what is next?
And the lady gives:
- Then my husband took a hammer .... Not a fig to itself prodolzhenitsa ...
- ... and several times hit him hard with a hammer.
The doctor (apparently, in full ....):
- WHAT FOR?!!
The lady (unperturbed, with a sense of condescending superiority):
- Well, why? To kill sperm!
So I represent spermatozoa, dodging the hammer and the death throats of the dead ...
The doctor (from the surprise picking the jaw from the floor, already from the sports interest):
- So what is next?
The lady (still condescending):
- ... untied the condom ...
IMHO, the peasant is already only for this monument to put it is necessary - try to unleash a condom at leisure ...
Doctor:
- And? !!
The lady (apotheosis):
- And injected me sperm back.
The doctor (groans):
- WHAT FOR?!!
The lady (with surprised indignation from the dullness of the gynecologist, simply obliged to know the truest truths):
- Because semen is very useful for a woman's body!
A curtain.

Missing Alcohol
Spring. Birds and all that. With the purpose of a little work and a lot of rest, we went with friends to a wonderful holiday village. Villas should be said to be quite far from any excesses such as stalls, shops, etc. In general, not corrupted by a civilization corner. We, as people experienced, zataris pretty (not soda). But at the end of the third day it became clear that we underestimated ourselves ... Serega (owner of the dacha) took a courageous decision to de-colonize his own parents and make the contents of their caches available to the people. Given the found it turned out just right. The holiday was a success. It was Sunday. Seregin's parents arrived ... His parents, by the way, world people and after the loss was discovered, the next conversation took place. Father: - Sergey, here you tell me as a chemist, can alcohol evaporate from closed containers, eh? Serega: - Yes, I can not seem to. Father (with a hint that thanks to Sergei made an unprecedented scientific discovery): - It's strange, do you imagine, but I have evaporated? Mother Serega decided to give himself: - Mom, we've had a bottle of your drink. Mom: - What's in the attic? - Yeah, and THAT too.
Bloody Mary
England. A pub. Two maidens of domestic production rest, leaning on Bloody Mary. Especially for those who do not know how this cocktail sounds in English - it sounds like this (Russian transcription) "Mary's Blessed". It should be noted that the girls are advanced and the name of the cocktail at the moment is exposed to the Russian accent. And now one of them gets up from the table and scratches his nose. The second loudly to her in dogonku pronounces the following phrase: - Will pass by the counter - order us two bl # $ her! Need I explain that the bar immediately showed up and our other compatriots who survived a severe cultural shock.
Bring this warrior here! +
Army history, it happened, they say, in our regiment. Field inspection. There's a division on the parade ground. Before the formation the commander is walking around, behind him stands a major at the back of the tribune, on the regiment on duty. The comedian pushes his speech selflessly. And suddenly, from the corner of his eye, he notices that a soldier who was late for construction is looking out from behind the frame of the shields. The Commander is furious: "Comrade Major!" - this is for the duty officer. - Bring this warrior here! The soldier, seeing that the business takes a nasty turn, starts running away. The Major follows after him. And then, on the run, his holster is unbuttoned, and in order not to lose the gun, he grabs her and runs, holding her hand. From the outside, it looks like he's trying to get a gun out on the run. The comedian, the man is not without humor, yells into the microphone for the whole military town: - COMRADE MAYOR !!! I order you to take it alive !!
Two o'clock in the morning, the railway crossing ...
We sit drinking in the office, we do not touch anyone, the duty man comes in: "At the crossing of the road accident!" Taller and light car. " We leave. At the entrance to the crossing, we see the following picture: there is a train of cisterns, on the slaughterer of the locomotive the ruined gaish pole, the assistant to the machinist sits on the roof of the locomotive near the searchlight, and the driver locked himself in the cab. Before the locomotive runs an angry, very drunk traffic cop and yells: - Gad, what did you do! I just put the new steering rods on yesterday! I told you: "Go around, go round !!!"! You could not go round me !? "At the" analysis of flights "it was found out: after jamming in the trash, traffic cops went to the crossing and decided to earn some money -" now the traffic light will flash, and we'll grab someone who will try to slip through ... ". When the semaphore blinked and saw the train coming, the policeman came out and began to wave at him to roam in. The second traffic policeman was caught in the bushes, and the answer was: "What are you doing here?", The answer was: "Mushrooms ... I collect, I hear a blow ... I go out, an accident ... "Third, they cut out of the car with an autogenous engine." He did not even wake up ... he made a scratch.
My cats
My cats, well, just two frames! One, the eldest, I once removed from the tree and married him, so I left (well, my husband is like that, since childhood he's called his cat). And the second, small, we have already picked up (the real black cat). The other day they both took a couple of days off. So, the weekend, Sunday. I went with the eldest somewhere in the morning, and our little kitten was left to be bored at home. We arrive late at night, my husband immediately went to bed, I was beside him. And our younger kotofeych is happy that the scribers-scratchers have arrived, ate, that means, and pinned, lay between us. And here is a picture of butter and cheese: this small one lies and rumbles loudly (well, happiness has come), and the elder, without opening his eyes and without regaining consciousness, gives out (the sound went to the sound): - MOVE THE MOVE, SCOTTLE !!!
We approach the husband to his entrance. On the stool next to the entrance there are two old women (our neighbors, they are 80 years old). Previously, they had never even greeted, and then how to wind up in a cheerful voice at the whole yard. "What good children, look nice !!!" We look around in surprise, and we see under the stool almost a drunk bottle of black "Diplomat" and 2 glasses. A curtain.
And than I will be protected?
My wife's grandmother was a gynecologist. The last years before retirement, she worked in the medical unit at the bus park. The work was not to say that there was a lot - medical examination, yes directions for abortions to give. And then one woman came to her for directions. After the fifth direction for a fairly short period of time the doctor says to her: `` You, dear, will be so completely disabled. You need to be protected ". And she said: `` I work as a conductor on route 900 (the number is not important, but it is essential that this route had a final stop in the forest on the outskirts of a town near Moscow). And what will I be protected at the last stop? A pine cone? ''
Where's my dad?
Grandmother once told me in her childhood that my dad was her son, Andrei, and she, accordingly, my grandmother, and so I confused these explanations that one day on a walk I called my dad in the following way: - Where is my dad son Andrey!
I have a loving occupation in large numbers. It is labor. It is great business and occupation. All in the end they praise work. And this makes me happy and happy. Working hard work has glory in the world. My love work is skillful hands. For example, one day I cut a rope. But he cut the end and the finger. Despite the horrible and soul-exasperating pain, I did not fall in my ear and was glad in the trade because the finger survived and the great, glorified work ended skillfully and wisely. In addition to skillful hands, I am willing to cook. Especially I like to cook food. Sometimes I cook food, milk, crumbs, sausages, sosisis, cutlets, zhopku, candy and other food. Everyone thinks of me as a great cook. But I am modest but seductive and rejoice with pleasure. There is another work apart from skillful hands and to cook, it is to learn. I'm a good teacher, my loving subject is Russian. I'm proud of him. He is charming and loving to me like a mother and a priest. Everyone praises him and writes Soviet works, especially Lenin. This I am also proud of. All work is glory! All the proud proud! Our great poet wrote that "work is loving and glorious and we are proud of it and kissing his heel and another member in gratitude for bread, water and soap!". For example, the great Soviet and Russian writer, too, Lenin VI wrote almost the same. The entire Soviet people are proud of this and praise the line of the memory of labor and Lenin will pay homage to the dear and loving. And I, too, are proud of this and rejoice. My favorite occupation is to reflect well-known the famous work "Glory - Party, Glory - Lenin, Glory - Work!"
When my friend and I went to the city, it was warm and dry and charming. We went to our love store. It's good because there you can have many. This is a very convenient place to buy. Especially the products there are tasty and soft. From the product you can enjoy and have very tasty and prisvosty food and sit with a bastard and rejoice that you can saturate and digest all the food in the stomach and admire the fact that the intestines and other member does not hurt. First we went to a written store. There we saw a charming fence and enjoyed it. They bought a fence and went out boldly and sweetly to the latches from the leukemia plastvyovrya and bought too, stabbing a proud look at the goods. We had the pleasure of having goods. When they came to our love store, they met a lot of Drugov and a sweet pedagogue from the institute. All were encouraged. In the store we had one bottle, lots of milk, bread, zhopko, poridzh, coca, kvasshenny food, grizzly dried, crucian carp and other vegetables. We set up our farms in the shop. That is, there was another ziplah. At the foolish store was raznobrazolely pieces! In it we had - one hot water bottle, two boiling water, one sakrutat, a kettle of utensils and other equipment, a sprawling crock and eight Georgians and another vacuum cleaner or soap dish. We rejoiced at all from this all to the bald head. Late coming home we prepared food from food and with a friend rejoiced for their services.
I have a good friend. He's a man. My friend's name is good. We with him amicably shit. He is my love associate and ally. My friend is a good gentleman. We do not quarrel with him. He never hits me with a stick or laces. I rejoice when he loves me. A friend and I are dreamy a lot. In childhood they wanted to have a cow or a bull in the village. But then they decided to enter the institutes. My friend is a big handsome man. In front of him, his face is beautiful and his eyes are kind. Legs of a handsome man are swarthy and tender as hands. A friend does not do bad things, neither smokes nor drinks. I and a friend like to visit. He is our holiday. On a visit we like to sing and suffer. Time was cheerful and warm. I and my love friend sometimes engaged together. We were warm and cozy together. After the act, we said goodbye and did not do much for a long time. But I remain his love friend. "My favorite writer." It's a lot of thinking that I'm a bad reader, but who thinks so wrong and went because I'm a faithful and glorious reader. Because I'm a reader filed I have a writer who is a lot and all my favorites. I read a lot and liked a quote from famous and well-known writers. The poet wrote: "Read all lovingly and amusingly, all the readers are great and glorious especially socialist and popular, but grief will be overtaken by the lazy capitalist readers because they are not folk readers and know little things!" I agreed with the entire Soviet people. But these thoughts that the wise can not compare with the thoughts of my beloved writer, dear and glorious teacher, the great leader and fighter for the work of the workers and peasants in particular, the glorious communist and equip of powers - Pushkin AS He wrote almost the same glorious and faithful verse as our folk poet who wrote: "On miraculous days, a socialist orientation appeared and everyone rejoiced." Pushkin wrote almost the same: "I remember a wonderful moment before you appeared to you." He wrote well about the peasant who suffers in a capitalist society and compares it to a horse that, in a cold winter, suffers from bourgeois exploitation and brushwood, that is, this poem begins: "Once in the cold winter season I came out of the forest was a severe frost!". It was just a genius writer. But my greatest writer who is loving everything in the world and I have more Pushkin for him is the Great Lenin VI. He is a glorious genius of literature, a great sage and wise man, a love communist and equipment, a warm and gentle and gentle man and a sweet teacher! I respected him and marveled at the genius work of this writer. I read a lot of his books. They are all very interesting and exciting there are many adventures and wise thoughts and a great hero! And I agree that Lenin is a Party !, and I am proud of it. Lenin wrote many times, "Uchitsa, uchitsa, uchitsa", and I did it and I too am proud. He is great because he built a seductive Soviet society and rejoiced to the bald head. For this, everyone respected and built a mausoleum! My favorite writer is Lenin VI. I liked and liked me dank. I'm proud!
In the Arab family - one dad and a few mums, and in the computer - one mom, but many, many folders !! My husband comes home with a huge bouquet of flowers. He stands on one knee and hands it to his wife. She: - And, what, do I have to push my legs apart ?! He: - Is there a normal vase in our house? Russian "fuck!", Unlike the American "Fuck", you can scream loud and prolonged. Curved legs tighten around the neck. Experience is what you get without getting what you want. An old, experienced kamikaze. Enter the access code ... Only gently and slowly ...
Since childhood, Yuri Gagarin dreamed to fly first into space, but some bitches beat him: Yes, what are you, my friend, what is your claustrophobia? Here we are just now Akakia Nazarych beat the hour in a coffin: This is a man's claustrophobia! Blues - this is when a good person is bad .... Love will accidentally come up when your wife is not waiting. Shampoo 'Sclerotic': forget about dandruff! Here's the fish was before - you can not go into the water without panties! Love is evil, love is blind. And also deaf and infects with sexually transmitted diseases: Mojsa, do you know what a dilemma is? Free ham .... Usually at weddings the bride is stealing, and my mother-in-law is stolen .... There were no more expensive gifts. Russian folk sign: if the swallow flies with a tail forward-to the payment of wages.: So her grandmother said, in the nephew of Zarathustra .: If the spouse refuses to share with you a couch, then prepare for what she is going to share with you. Dobrynia Nikitich is approaching the fork in the fork and the inscription on the stone: 'No options :.' It's nice to talk with an intelligent person, but it is difficult to work. The hero must be alone. If there are many heroes - they are called bullies. Life goes away as quickly as if it's not interesting to us .... Experience is what you get without getting what you want. Experience is a thing that appears right after you've been Happiness is when the desired coincides with the inevitable Orthodox sorcerer predicts the future in the genitals of teenage girls (announcement) Children are interested in the question: where does everything come from, adults - where everything goes? If the dog speaks - the man will lose his last friend. If a man asks for a woman's hand, then he is fed up with his own In Russia, two troubles - fools and fools. Krk.-sest.tal Life is what happens around when you make other plans. Pants are more important than their wife, because there are many places where one can go without his wife, that bathes until the water boils .... If you watch TV, then you must have already noticed that good guys win the bad always, except for the nine-hour news Every time leaving the barber shop, I am tormented by the same question - and why did they ask me how I want to get a haircut? If you think that smoking does not affect the woman's voice, try to shake the ashes on the carpet
I, Бутейко Maria Danilovna, 1970 of a birth, I ask to assign to me the alimony for my daughter of 1998 of a birth. Be surprised, what does your medical institution have to do with it? You are not a maternity home. And with that. At the beginning of last year, my husband, being behind the wheel in a state of drunken intoxication, flew on a concrete pillar with severe consequences, about which below. I went to visit him in a traumatic hospital, that is, to you. The attendant looked at the list and said that Buteyko's patient was in the 26th ward, with the upper half of his human torso severely bruised in the head. I hung on stretch marks, in plaster, and even completely wrapped in bandages, so that only my eyes and mouth were visible. Whatever is injured, and my husband, and I began to get rid of the sick person with cream, honey, dog fat and other deficiencies. Performed it every day to him in a lying form for a month. When I had nothing to pay my sisters for night care, I began to stay in the ward until morning. And this lasted for another three weeks. And finally it was unwound, and what did I find? This is not my husband at all! That is also by the name of Buteyko, but Anatoly Nikolayevich, while mine is Petr Karpovich. However, in the women's consultation they told me that it was already late. Of course, you are curious where all this time was my legal? I do not know. Most likely, from the Kursk, which was rolled in the car, and maybe, which other. In any case, his presence was not at home. When, six months later, he, that is, Buteyko PK, announced, I was already very much in position from the injured citizen Buteyko AN. However, he is not able to marry me, because I am officially able to marry Buteyko, who is PK, he himself is married - on a person who currently resides abroad, namely in the city of Shebekino, Belgorod Oblast. As a result of my mistaken conception, I had a daughter named Buteyko, and by patronymy either Petrovna, like my eldest, or Anatolyevna - from her injured father. The fault in all this incident, it is clear, lies on your medical institution. Therefore, in view of my difficult material situation, I ask in my alimentary request not to refuse. Buteyko MD, a nursing mother. newspaper "Trud-7" from June 24, 2004
I did not pass my urgent service on a large anti-submarine ship of the Northern Fleet. Service as a service: every morning started with a wake-up call, building and charging. Our midshipman Dubikov liked immediately after the team's ascent, before charging to build up personnel in a long narrow corridor, for a morning brainwashing. The form of clothes, you know, pants and a T-shirt. Our ship was big though, and the interior rooms, cabins, transitions - all very close, so you could walk in front of the formation only touching the shoulder of the opposite bulkhead. This is the preamble. Ambula also occurred in one early gloomy morning, when an old admiral was visiting the ship with the inspection. And this staff rat was impatient to walk along the corridor mentioned exactly during our construction. Dubikov, seeing the bosses, shouted that they say, quietly, your mother .. And we are already peaceful, because sleepy, only out of bed. Admiral waved his hand, they say, freely, not up to you, and begins to squeeze sideways before the formation, because the staff chest he and everything else, as expected. And suddenly he stops abruptly in front of an unexpected obstacle. I hope you are familiar with this phenomenon, like the morning erection? Well yes. But with such a phenomenon as the morning erection of the sailor Tyutin, certainly not familiar, because this is - a unique phenomenon of nature. And now this eighth wonder of the world, covered with black, tight satin trunks, the barrier blocked a narrow passage before the admiral. Dubikov, being behind the back of the admiral, could not see the reason for the stop and confusion of the big boss. Vasya Tyutin, in turn, his eyes widened and his chin lifted, in fact, apparently, continued to sleep, all his members simultaneously performing the command peacefully. "Comrade sailor, permit me to pass," the Admiral said so intelligently. But Vasya, either does not understand what is at stake, or understands, but nothing can not do it - in short, it's worth it. "Comrade sailor, please leave," the boss repeats in vain. Vasya is in a stupor, the barrier is closed. Then the midshipman finally realizes what's going on and loudly bows: "Sailor Tyutin!" In-o-olno! And whether Vasya woke up with this cry, or the team, slowly leaking through his ears, finally reached the right place, but a miracle happened. Vasya flinched, the barrier collapsed and the path was free, the admiral continued his interrupted route. But Tyutin after this, otherwise, as Elda no one called. However, he did not take offense
Yesterday happened, a real story. I'm heading home from work tomorrow. Relaxed, the music plays. Coming to meet me is Kamaz. Kamaz and Kamaz. Suddenly, sharply because of him the car, the foreign car is old, leaves behind with the included emergency and starts to overtake it in reverse! I'm fucking !!! I could not understand anything, I even had to stop to digest this !!! Then I realized that to see the guy broke the gearbox and he can not go ahead, only back. Nothing in life like this is not seen! Okay, go slowly by the curb, but to overtake? !!!
Told the other day my aunt. They live in the city and have a small plot outside the city - not a dacha - like a potato. And since her husband (my uncle) worked in a large enterprise, then, accordingly, all who work there relied on apartments, plots for summer cottages in one house or in one garden society. And it so happened that the uncle with his two friends and the apartment in one house and plots nearby. So they went to the "dacha" families. So, one spring it was necessary to go there and plant potatoes. and it so happened that the car was broken, and he went there alone without his aunt, and since neighbors also need to plant potatoes, then three men loaded one car, they did not take a wife-like "there is no place and we will not sit without you" and drove off. Arrived - beauty: nature, complete absence of wives and an abundance of vodka. As a result, potatoes are not planted, vodka is drunk, but when they came home all three reported that they had planted potatoes. Then it was necessary to water the potatoes periodically, weed them, and stain the Colorado beetle. Well, they went to do all this (read the vodka drink) with the same composition - the joys of their wives had no limit - what kind of husbands they had economic. It's time to dig potatoes - it's a big thing to not manage and the wives went to the dachas with them. The oil painting is a plot, on it are still the last year's potato tops and fossil hills from the digging process, as well as last year's, three peasants are running around the plots and being swallowed by a three-story mat-type, we spent a whole summer farming, planting, watering, pollinating, and 0 then the bastards povykapyvali all and we left nothing. The most interesting thing is that the wives believed. And my uncle told the truth to my aunt only 10 years after the incident. Uncle is alive.
Why do women love men?
Why do you think women love men? Do you have a version on this?
If there is, they are almost certainly wrong. We love you not because we need to breed, but you do not have anyone else to do on this planet. And not because you can squeeze two hundred kilograms in a jerk, gas in the fairway and dub it since the summer (I hope I correctly used the terminology).

And not even because you have impeccable muscular bodies, piercing blue eyes, broad shoulders, long legs and a mighty chest to which you want to cuddle ... - so, now the author will go, will drink cold water and continue his thought ... So, on In fact, our love for you sometimes consists of very strange little things.
Of the unimportant details of your appearance and behavior - which you hardly ever held among your merits.

We love it when you mop for both cheeks
How do you fit a big dinner with a double royal cheeseburger and nine macnaggetas - in itself a mystery. As you are then able to finish eating my portion of potatoes - generally inconceivable. We answer to ourselves - it's because you're so big and strong, great and terrible, and you need a huge supply of fuel. This excites the imagination.

"We ate a full dinner with him at the restaurant - the first, the second and the compote," Masha said, 28, - and two hours later he raided the refrigerator and built himself a sandwich, which is terrible to drop on his leg. Seeing my astonished eyes, he explained that he eats six times a day. It seemed terribly sexy to me! It immediately became interesting: can I satisfy such appetites? "
So eat for your health, but please, save us from the rash after a meal.

We love it when you sweat
A man, sweating with physical effort, is a sight from which a woman can also get wet.

Julia, 27, admitted that when she observes her husband for any male work at the dacha, she just mildens when she sees his back darkened with sweat: "Most of all I want to pounce on him and throw him right on the bed."
It is only necessary to take into account that for us it matters, for which you are shedding sweat. If you are flushed and fuming, while the bus in the hands of catching up the bus in the heat, then we prefer to sit down away from you, fragrant creature.

We love it when you get cut out after sex
Here it is, the moment of truth - when you emit this deep sigh, lean back in exhaustion and cover your eyes with the words: "Uh, now, wait, only give the spirit to translate ..."

Karina, 26 years old, remembered how once her boyfriend just shmyaknulsya her belly in the outage: "For me, this impotence testified to one thing - we both worked on the glory. I rolled it in the best sense of the word. He even drooled my navel, when I elbowed him gently to wake him. Very dramatic".
Very touching - but only if then you still wake up to say something affectionate and tie me from the kitchen mineral water.

We love it when you pretend to be a tough auto mechanic
We already know from you that car breakdowns are of three types: radiator, carburetor and battery. You are very cool it turns out - to stare at the engine, frown (I love these wrinkles on your forehead!), Think for ten minutes and, finally, utter: carburetor. Or the radiator - it does not matter to me, this is not available to my mind. I just admire. And the car will still be sent off to the service anyway - only to confirm the diagnosis.
However, the same wrinkles are hurting me to impossibility, when you frown over the hood in the middle of the Garden Ring at rush hour - and all because forgot to refuel.

We love to watch you testosterone rage
No matter how irony we are, we like it when you drag us to typical male gatherings. So you're not afraid to show us to your friends. And besides, to see you in the role of a warlike Hun is interesting and exciting.

"I once went hockey with my friend," says Marina, 30 years old. - Two bottles of beer later, my tender and gentle beast began to sparkle, yell and peel myself on the knees. He clearly wanted the teams to start killing each other with their clubs. I looked at him in complete admiration - for some reason I was wildly got the idea that the men are so different from us! "
But if you start sharing adrenaline with your neighbors on the podium, admiration will give way to fear - not at all exciting. And in general, your nose looks much better in an unbroken condition and without cotton swabs sticking out of your nostrils.

We love it when you can not tie yourself up with a tie
We readily believe the stories about how your own "Syrborneftegaz" is not able to conclude a million-millionth contract without your help, but we know that you give free rein - and you would go to negotiations with partners in those jeans that you cooked still in the eighth grade. All that concerns the selection of a tie to the border on the handkerchief, causes you confusion, and we have a tide of caring tenderness. Your economic helplessness directly affects our maternal instinct.

"When he tried to cook dumplings before my eyes, thrusting the packet right into the microwave, I rushed to embrace him with emotion!" - told Tanya, 23 years old.
However, remember - it is worth to overdo it in debilicism, and we are turning from mother to vipers.

We love it when you love all sorts of technical gadgets
A box with carpentry and carpentry tools on your balcony causes us a holy awe. Even if the top of your engineering thought is a split coca-cola jar as an ashtray. We honor your need to dismember the computer and the coffee maker to see what's inside.

And when you spent the whole evening in complete ecstasy playing with my nephew in a toy robot, I was not even offended that you ignored me. Later, all night, I actively recouped you. But if the role of Samodelkin becomes your life credo, if you do not bring the corpse of the coffee maker to the dustbin tomorrow, if rusty nails, sledge hammers and soldering iron are regularly poured from the shelves in the bathroom, then I'll look for myself, my friend, another circle.

We love to listen to you snoring
Yes, we sometimes like to watch you lying on your stomach, unbelievably bending your arm under the pillow, in the boxer's boxers that have flipped to one side, exposing the surroundings with the soundtrack to the film "The Savannah Inhabitants" (only if these sounds come from the nasopharynx!). The thought that we caught you in such an unconscious, natural, helpless condition, for some reason, we are sweet.

Just do not think that this is a permanent emotion. At three o'clock in the afternoon on Sunday, after the eighth wake, your same posture will turn me into the evil inhabitant of the savannah.

We love it when you hug with friends
You hug, of course, loudly. It's usually about energetic half-second contact with chests, thoroughly spoiled by embarrassed cries like "well, fat!" - "yes, nothing, bald!" And shoving his fist on the shoulder. At the same time, the desire to rake a friend in an armful, like any sincere emotional manifestation, rarely leaves women indifferent.

What seems to you an affective behavior, from our point of view - a touching sign of male friendship. And your girlfriend will not explain this incorrectly - you have provided more than enough evidence of your standard sexual orientation.

We love this pinch slyly
In principle, we do not really like it when we are publicly mired and squeezed. But when you can not cope with the temptation to take care of me in passing, it's quite another matter. It means I seem sexy to you.

"I adore when we stand at a party at a party, we hold small talk, and he comes up and secretly pinches me at the ass or silently traverses my chest," Zhenya, 31, said.
The main thing is that it was quietly. Please do not do it unceremoniously, in front of your friends, or we'll start calling you for everyone with a "puppy" and a kiss in the forehead at parting.

- Why does the beekeeper, when he collects honey, put on the head a net?
If his bees learn later, he is a khan.
Worse than her husband, who does not come home on time, only a husband who does not arrive on time.
My workplace is in a room with two ladies of "basalt" age. I have long been accustomed to endless conversations about health, neighbors, marinade pickles, etc., I perceive them simply as a bubbling radio.
Just one of the ladies for about an hour told another heartbreaking story about someone. Well, there, "wife beats", "neighbor? drunkard "," my daughter ran away with some kind of Georgian ", etc. An interesting story, I even began to listen, though, until it flashed: "It's a pity, I missed one series ..."