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My Blog: jokes funny jokes


Cat's tongue
A cat lives in my house. Like any cat, she loves to climb around the apartment. And I must say that there are two doors in my room. One leads to the hallway, the other - to the loggia. When my cat wants me to open one or the other door, she makes a sound. But for different doors the sounds are different. I kept thinking, do I begin to understand the cat's tongue or should I buy less beer?
I told this to my friend, he not only supported me, but also told me about the experiment he had conducted this summer in the village. He climbed on the roof of the house (one-story), and dumped the cat down - the sound was one.
Then he climbed on the shed and did the same thing - the sound was different. Comrade said that the first sound meant: "I'm flying home," and the second: "I'm flying off the barn." He had almost completed his experiments, but the cat fled, did not suffer suffering for science. The cat left at night, while terribly yelling and waking up the whole village. Nobody in the village thought that he understood the cat's tongue, but everyone that night was sure: they were getting to the mat, the perfect cat mat.

Ringer's solution
I was told by a fellow biochemist who worked for some time in England. Well, Dyk comes into the laboratory as a graduate student. It is necessary for her to make a solution of Ringer or something. Asks:
- Where do you have a cabinet with reagents?
They show her. She reads her inscription: sodium chlorine - so many grammes. Weighs. Potassium chlorine - weighs.
Calcium chlorine, sodium hydracarbonate, glucose - weighs.
A long time that something is looking in the closet. Then he asks:
- And where do you have the pH?
A curtain.

Haroshaya little girl!
I traveled with a group of fifteen teenagers from Tbilisi to a small town with a difficult name. The train goes every day, so you do not want to miss it. We are sitting at the station, waiting when they announce. Suddenly, among the stream of Georgian speech from matyugalnik we hear the familiar word - our final destination. We are undermined, I run into the car, sat down, counted - one is not enough! We are about to start. I run to the machinists, I say:
- Guys, wait, please, a little, I have a group of teenagers, one is walking somewhere ...
"What's the matter, daragoy?" as the boy will appear, come. as you say, so let's go!
I run into my car, grab two guys and say, so they ran, they looked for this monster. As soon as these two escaped, the disappeared walks out of the passage, with a pie. He expressed all that I think about him and his relatives, and sent them to look for those two.
When all were found, I go to the machinist, I say:
- Thank you very much, everyone was there, you can go ...
I'm going to leave when the driver says:
- Slyushai, you want to drive a train?
I say, they say, it would be interesting ... Only I have a group there in the car ...
"Why should I get cold?" take your group and come all here!
And I must say that the windows were broken, and it was really cold in the cars. I take the boys and go to the machinists. We huddled together, we are going, closely, but cheerfully. I move the lever, I try to stop the train right near the platform. That polsostava not reach, then on the contrary, flight of 100 meters ... Somewhere on the road the driver turns to the smallest girl and asks:
- How do you wind, devochka?
- Masha ...
- Masha, you want to drive a train?
- Want!
We put the girl in front of the lever. And when overclocking there is a trick - you need to move the lever by one division, and gradually increase the power to the third division. The girl with the pleased face pulls the lever to the third ... A rumble, a sharp jerk ... and suddenly there was a darkness and silence ... All are silent. I do not know what to do, Masha has a wild fear in her eyes, she tries to sink into the floor and sob ... And then the machinist's cheerful voice is heard:
- Well done, Masha! Haroshaya little girl! Palamala train!
Everything ended well, the fuse was changed and went.

We are counting!
I'm on the 40th bus. Three young men are sitting next to each other (as it turned out later the cadets of the missile troops). Yes, apparently ordinary people dressed in civilian rags (that is, the appearance does not arouse suspicion among others). From the depths of the bus there are calls from the conductor:
- We pay travel!
- A man with a girl and what do you have for traveling?
- We are settling in - pay off!
All in the same spirit, as usual. So, this conductor comes up to us and with the usual tone utters one of his call requirements: - So, here young people - are counting!
And then one of my neighbors, in a sitting place, without batting an eye answers:
- First!
2 Sodess:
- Second!
The third:
- First!
I have nothing left to say:
- Second! The calculation is over, comrade conductor!
And as if in support of his words show her his travel card (preferential for organizations).
The conductor slowly slams his jaw. And she pronounces the key phrase:
- These (nod in the direction of the neighbors) are traveling with you?
Evaluating the situation, I honestly answer:
- Apparently yes.
Conductress:
- Ah, well, yes - well, yes, sorry.
And it follows further to other passengers. A curtain.

20 Winchesters
An excerpt from a letter from Valery Fyodorovich Mamonov (head of the autonomous region). You said 20 hard drives of 200 MB, and received 6 to 6 GB, which is equivalent to 30 hard disks of 200 MB.
Correctly distributing the obtained technique can almost completely solve the problem of external memory. Shl. The locksmith asked for three bolts of twelve bolts, and he was given 1 for 36. Ku ...

One breed
One dog breeder, very intelligent in appearance, has a bad habit - joking with a completely serious expression on his face. And here walking with his dachshund, he got to talking with the owner of the Doberman. They chatted, and the Doberman's mistress asked:
- Did you see that our sabaki are so similar?
"Naturally, it's the same breed."
"How's one?"
"Well, you'll see how similar they are." Just ears ... Have you stopped your own?
- Yes, in three weeks.
- And we do not. Do you see what gorgeous ears have grown?
- Yes, the ears are chic ...
- Here are the tails, too - did you stop your own?
- YES...
- And we do not. See, what kind of tail?
- Yes, the tail ... the hostess of the dock answers thoughtfully.
- But the paws - see, you did not stop your own?
- No ... Do you really need?
- Yes, the front - in three weeks, and the rear - at five ... You see, what paws? The mistress of the dock went away, deep in thought ...

Love in your hands
Saw near the subway advertising ladies' gloss or something like this:
"Love is in your hands"
And exactly under this, the same font size, the municipal ad:
"Trade with hands is forbidden"
This is from what kind of hangover this can be posted by chance!
Where he was born
I read the passport form of one Turk.
The column "Where was born" is written "Nowhere". Slowly reread ... again ... more ... I understand that this is someone's joke ... Just in case I'm looking for his passport, check ... and slide to the floor:
The column "Relay of birth" - it is written "Nigde".
How to get a good job What if I want to work fucking hard ? (Some useful tips) It is best, of course, to look for work through friends. Ask your friends and relatives if they need bosses, bosses, bosses, or, at worst, "bumps." It is much easier to find a job, having an office, telephone, car and driver. Traveling employers on a personal machine, you are much ahead of your competitors. It would not hurt to also have a secretary who would select vacancies for you. Experience shows that almost any person can easily find a job and successfully work as a teacher of English, French and German at a rural school. If you decide to file an advertisement for a job in the newspaper, at the end you must write: "Intim is mandatory". We give a guarantee that this will attract the attention of employers to you. Dress appropriately for the position you intend to occupy. For example, if you are going to get into network marketing, put on a smile and suit with a tie, and if you go to get a prostitute in a bath-room, you can use black tights or trousers, a mini skirt and a bright, memorable make-up. The mustache must be shaved off. Sitting opposite the future boss and listening attentively to him, simultaneously sharpen his pencils, straighten the sheets of paper, wipe the phone, write down in his diary two or three notes. Do not look the future director directly in the eyes. They, the dogs, do not like this ... To the question "What salary would you like to receive?" should be surprised to answer: "How, and even the salary will be?". Surprise must be sincere, this is very important. In the process of further conversation, be cautious about asking if you will be paid six months in advance. And back. About the reason why you quit your last job, speak evasively. Say something streamlined, common, for example, "fired for drinking ...", "well, so, for absenteeism ..." or "ah, director beat ...". In the workbook, under each line of dismissal, add the same letters in the same handwriting: "... But we do not say goodbye!", "... Do not forget, you must go!", "Come back, we'll forgive everything!". Lovely unemployed girls! Be afraid of bosses with non-traditional orientation. Their secretaries really have to work. Setting up a radio or television announcer, you can joke a bit. For example: "I'm on television, I've already worked for ... with a voice-over ...". It is possible that your joke will be appreciated. When you are asked about education, you can safely say, for example, that you are a lawyer. All the same, the current legislation is practically impossible to verify.
10 things that you did not know about beer 1. In Babylonia 4000 years ago there was a custom whereby the bride's father, within a month after the wedding, gave his son-in-law a honey beer. Therefore, the first month after the wedding was called "honeymoon".
2. Before inventing the thermometers, the brewers had to lower their thumbs into the draft beer to determine the correct temperature for the addition of yeast. Too cold - and the yeast will not work. Too hot - and yeast will die. Hence the expression "thumb rule".
3. Assyrian scriptures of 2000 BC. argue that beer was stored in the Noah's Ark.
4. After using a bucket-another amber brew called "aul" or "ale," the Vikings bravely rushed into the battle in what they were, sometimes even without shirts. In fact, the term "berserker" in Old Norse means "without a shirt," and over time, it meant a fierce battle.
5. Ancient Egyptians greeted each other with the phrase "Bread and beer". They also honored Isis, the goddess of fertility and beer.
6. The most ancient recipe in the world is a recipe for beer.
7. Historians have found evidence that in the Middle Ages, when monks brewed beer in monasteries, each monk was allowed to drink almost 5 liters of beer per day.
8. The largest collection of beer bottles belongs to Ron Werner, who collected 11,644 different bottles since 1982. Of these, 7128 are closed.
9. The largest beer festival in the world is Oktoberfest.
10. Hops - a magical flower, thanks to which there is a delicious beer. Hops grow in vines and every autumn they collect flowers.


EDUCATIONAL COURSES FOR WOMEN 1. Talk on the phone: How to put the phone.
2. Unaccounted checks: How to leave anything in the account.
3. Fighting with the syndrome Imelda Marcos: Why do you need a new pair of shoes every day?
4. Man management: How to depict washing dishes in the form of an erotic game, and cleaning the bathroom - in the form of hard porn.
5. TV remotes: Only for men!
6. Bath Etiquette I: Men also need a small shelf in the bathroom.
7. Bath Etiquette II: His razor is only his razor!
8. Ability to communicate I: Tears are the last argument, not the first one.
9. Ability to communicate II: Think before the conversation.
10. Ability to communicate III: Get what you want right away and without bothering.
11. Evaluation of events: Not only because it is not important for you.
12. Safe driving: You can learn this.
13. Petrol and oil: This is necessary for the car to go.
14. Introduction to parking: Acoustic hallucinations.
15. Skillful parking: Space exploration.
16. Parking without accidents: 3D-action game.
17. Delicious food: heat or fat.
18. Mastering the stove I: Getting to fried eggs.
19. Mastering the stove II: Cleaning potatoes and protective hand creams is a way of real saving oil for frying.
20. Mastering the stove III: Dietary nutrition and severe nervous disorders.
21. Mastering the stove IV: How not to poison the husband.
22. Household dust: An indicator of the need to invite guests.
23. Big wash: It's easier to wash everything at once, including the tablecloth from the year before last.
24. Ballet: Do not drag your husband there - he will start to compare and think, which you can not allow.
25. Classic style in clothes: Discomfort and presentable appearance are provided.
26. Etiquette of parties: The art of drinking for someone's health, without losing one's own. 27. Compliments: The graceful reception of them, the art of distinguishing proper K. from skillful harassment.
28. PMS: This is YOUR problem - not it!
29. Sexy Lingerie: Just in case.
30. Dancing: Why men are cold to rhythmic dances and not indifferent to medljakam - correct application of sexual linen.
31. "Do I look fat-dressed in these jeans?": Why do men lie.
32. Sex: Sometimes you have to deal with it after the wedding, sometimes even with your husband.
33. Ability to enter the public toilet correctly.
34. Silence, the last limit: A place where a woman's foot has not set foot.


Ten of the most bizarre questions The 10 most popular questions are published, which, under normal conditions, nowhere to find an answer, but which, nevertheless, interest many people.

1. Does the person feel pain when they cut off his head?

The answer is yes, it does. As a result of a medical study conducted in 1983, it was concluded that, no matter how quickly executed, if a person lost a head, a few seconds of pain would be inevitable. Even with the use of a guillotine, which is considered one of the most "humane" means of decapitation, you can not avoid severe pain, which will last at least 2-3 seconds.

2. Why are pineapples so prickly?

The prickly outer side of the pineapple seems to contradict the very purpose of the existence of this fruit: how can animals get to the sweet pulp that is inside?

The fact is that those pineapples that are sold in stores, in fact, are still quite ripe. Animals that live in forests, eat pineapples after they are ripe. The mature pineapple becomes soft, it is already easy to open, and then the animals eat it. The prickly outer side is present in the fruits of many plants to protect the fruit until they are fully ripe.

3. What are the sizes of a molehill?

The mole feeds on worms and other reptiles that penetrate into its underworld. The size of a wormhole depends on how rich the living creature is in the land in which the mole lives. Of course, the hole in the mole, which lives under the juicy meadow, will be considerably smaller than the hole that the mole will dig up, living in acid soil. Total adult mole can dig a hole, the area of ​​which will be more than 7 thousand square meters, having built a multi-level network of tunnels, which can have up to 6 levels. The mole digs the burrow deeply, with various transitions and "store rooms" in which it stores its prey.

4. If you are wearing black pants or a skirt, does your back look any less?

Answer: Yes, it is. The human eye perceives better light colors, so the outlines of body parts in dark clothes seem smaller in size. The problem is that it works only when you look at the person from behind. When you look at it from the side, the back expresses its true dimensions.

5. Why does nettles hurt so much?

Nettle when touched by the skin causes such a strong sense of discomfort because this plant produces a mixture of 3 chemicals, when the delicate hairs on its leaves break down upon contact with the human skin. Against the burn with these acidic chemicals that make up the nettle, it is customary to use such a tool as applying sorrel to the affected area of ​​the skin, emitting alkali when rubbing it against the skin. The effectiveness of this tool raises questions, some believe that the pain is actually decreasing because the cool sheet of sorrel cools the skin.

6. How many kinds of microorganisms live on or in the human body?

Such microorganisms are about 200, 80 in the mouth. Our body is a whole factory for the production of microbes. Every day our body allocates from 100 billion to 100 trillion bacteria. On every square centimeter of the human intestine is up to 10 billion microbes, on every square centimeter of the skin to 10 million. Most of the microbes are on teeth, in the throat and in the digestive tract, where the concentration of microbes is a thousand times higher than on the surface of the skin. In addition, there are parasites on the human body such as a follicular mite that does not harm a person, eating dead skin cells. Other parasites harmless can not be called. For example, the amoeba Naegleria fowlery penetrates the human brain and multiplies there until the person dies.

7. Why, if you smear a cut apple with lemon juice, it will not darken?

The answer to this question lies in the cellular structure of the apple. When the knife cuts the skin, the cells of the apple are destroyed, and the air oxidizes the enzymes of this fruit. The process, when the apple acquires a brown color, is aimed at helping the healing process of cells, and making the apple unattractive for animals that would like to eat it. And citric acid, which is contained in lemon, slows down this process of changing the color of the apple cut.

8. How thick should a person become to be bulletproof?

To do this, I would have to become terribly fat. The bullet of the most common caliber -9 mm - is able to pierce 60 cm of human flesh until it stops. In addition, even if the bullet were stuck in fatty deposits on the body, a bullet blow would cause serious damage to the internal organs, and a person could die from thrombosis of the vessels.

9. Which animals eat oats?

Os is eaten by birds, skunks, bears, caresses, rats and mice. Husk and bees eat birds of 133 species that avoid the bites of these insects, crushing them against the trunk or branches of trees. Badgers dig up hornets' nests and use their contents for food, despite the apparent displeasure and resistance of the inhabitants of the nests. Also, wasps eat dragonflies, frogs, moths and beetles. Larvae of some species of os are pleasant to taste, if fry them in oil.

10. Why did not nature invent the wheel?

Nature invented it, it just was not noticeable until recently. Microorganisms use round disks for movement. Bacteria move with the help of "wheels" - they move, attaching to the "wheel" in the cell membrane. This wheel rotates at a tremendous speed (up to 100 revolutions per second) and generates electricity that charges proteins attached to the cell membrane


Fugitive gossip Residents of the small town of Pasadena (California) quarreled ... because of the parrots.
Lovely birdies learned to repeat phrases for people - and began to broadcast all heard gossip!
The first case occurred when one woman was hanging laundry in the yard and heard a parrot on the roof say something like: "Steve is walking ... Steve is walking ..." Her husband was just called Steve. The interested aunt gave the parrot seeds, and he continued: "Tiffany's waitress! Tiffany's waitress!" Auntie ran into the only restaurant in the town in rage, found out that there really is a certain Tiffany working and stuffed her face.
And it raced ... Wrong lovers, beaten wives, homosexuals and secret alcoholics - all the "dirty laundry" got out. Lovely birds warm their ears and carry gossip, and neighbors listen to them. And they spend each other's time in black!
Ornithologists believe that people themselves are to blame: it was not necessary to feed - to encourage parrots for their talkativeness. And in general, nefiga sin!


Tea to the good will not bring.
The son came home and for a long time hesitated at the entrance, taking off his shoes and puffing - apparently, having decided something to do, but not daring to begin. The old mother, seeing this, driven by maternal love, decided to help him:

"Son, something happened, son?" - and wiped her wet hands on a colorful apron. "No, Mom, nothing, just do not worry," the son with a disobedient boot bustled.
- Well, you, son, I see that you want to say something, the mother's heart can not deceive.
The son took off his shoe and straightened up, involuntarily shaking the blond bun, the mother already admired - "what a handsome man he grew up!" For sure he fell in love and is afraid to say, thinks, will not approve, stupid. "
"Mom," his voice trembled. - Mama! I wanted to tell you for a long time, but I did not dare ...
Mom froze in sweet anticipation: "very big!"
"Mom," he continued, "I must confess to you that I'm drinking tea."
My mother remained standing, as she was, afraid to believe - "now it turns out that it seemed to me and he said something completely different," but his heart seemed to squeeze tight cold gripes.
- Yes, Mom, - continued the son, who had rejected all manner of hesitation, looking straight into her eyes - I drink tea. For a long time already I drink. I started drinking tea two years ago and now I drink it every day, sometimes two cups.
"But you're not yourself ... you were forced to ..." mum came close to fainting. "Sonny ... my little son ..."
"No, myself," the son snapped. - I tried because I was interested, and I liked it. I was pleased to drink hot liquid, to taste the taste of tea in my mouth, I liked the coming cheerfulness, I began to learn better and I had new friends who also drink tea - they are wonderful people, Mom! And tea has nothing to do with it, yes, Mom, it's not tea at all! We even do exercises with them! Mother, as if she had been knocked down, fell down on the wall, clasped her head in her hands and sobbed in her voice. The son, seeing this, threw off his mask of self-confidence and, rising to his knees, clung to his mother:
- Mom, well, mom, well, you, Mom, I even make it hard, even now it's not strong, I just feel the taste, well, you, Mom, many live with this, Mom, well, do not cry, Mom, well, you, well, you want, I'll give it up, Mom, I'll really give it up, I can, just do not cry, please, Mom, well, do not cry ...
- Will you quit? - suddenly the mother cried in tears and shrieked. - Throw it, huh? How is your folder, throw it? He drank tea, drank, and where was he now? A? In Bobruisk, I suppose? What are you doing to me, you scoundrel, I raised you, I did not sleep nights, and you drink tea ... He brews. And I knew for a long time, I saw that you sleep half an hour later, and that you clean your teeth too much ... that you're funny, you're not so ...
Then she remembered something else and burst into tears again, crying out in a frantic voice:
- And charging! .. Bloodbath you, my death you want ... little son, but what are you doing with you ... then ... I suppose, and with the boys you do exercises ...
- Well, you, Mom, I'm not often ...
- I know everything! I have seen enough of you on TV! Every day new show! She got up and sat heavily on the stool. - Ehhh ...
You upset me, son ... Bring your mother medicine ...
The son rushed headlong to his mother's bedroom, brought a powder, a syringe and a spoon, quickly brewed it, chose it and, without aiming, got his mother into a vein and made an injection.
The wrinkles on my mother's face were gradually smoothed out and a blissful smile appeared.
"Okay ... give me a cigarette, sonny ..."


Forest Squirrel
Bought here recently chocolate. It is called "Forest Squirrel".
Already funny, especially if used as a snack for vodka, but in the bosom of nature. However, the box is pretty, the ladies especially liked it. Painted squirrel - entirely, by the way.
But we turn the box over, on the obverse we read:
"Composition: proteins - 8.5% ..."
Is that what they want to say, except for the ears, they ate everything else themselves ?!


Ostrich, back up!
You know, probably, some motorists use different reasons to ensure that when people are moving in reverse, people flee. So voto, I have one friend, while on a business trip in Turkey he was taking some minivan for hire, which, when the reverse was switched on, the hawk gave out a very natural hysterical cry of a six-month-old child with powerful vocal cords. A friend of a little kondraty not enough when he first for this vein rear cut and rode, and she ka-ah-ah-aaak zaoret! Everything, thinks, the baby rolled to death. The truth then eased, when figured out what's what.

Gratitude In one magazine I read a story about emigrants who got a job as taxi drivers in New York. So, one of these taxi drivers was in the Union doctor. English language has not yet mastered, especially curses. This is what his colleagues, taxi drivers, natives of the former USSR, who lived and worked in the USA for several years, took advantage of. One of these guys "taught" to thank this doctor to their customers, who gave superfluous cents and a jam with jam - instead of "Thank wuu", say "Fuq wuu".
Once to this ex-doctor in the taxi sat an elderly American woman who gave him a whole dollar (!!!) for tea on the occasion of some holiday or she was in a good mood. An unsuspecting driver thanks her, as he was "taught":
- Fuw woo!
- How dare you?! - the poor old woman is indignant. - I gave you a dollar!
"Very well, Grandma." If you are not satisfied with my gratitude, then I can repeat to you: "I fuisk Wo u veru muсh".
Thousand condoms
Yesterday my acquaintance for a minute ran into the drugstore and, in front of the fucking crowd, bought THOUSAND of condoms. I stood modestly beside him in the hope of hearing the scream of some grandmother:
- More than three hundred in one hand - do not let go!
But the line was silent. Even when Masha solemnly handed me four huge packages and a well-delivered theatrical voice, she exhaled:
- Hold, untiring!
... We then for an hour packed these condoms in gift boxes with the inscription "The 8th Festival of Advertising.
Souvenir".

Five-inch floppy disk
The real case. When I was still at school, they taught us computer science. The teacher shows the students a 5-inch floppy disk, holding it with her fingers for the very cut-out in the shell through which the reading takes place. One of the "advanced" disciples says to her:
- Mary Ivanna! But you can not take a floppy disk (for this place)!
"That's right, children!" That's how computer viruses get on floppy disks!

Ram
The queue for refueling. By the turn to the column, a toned "nine" arrives, scraping the door of the hunchbacked "constipation" from the queue. From the "constipation" climbs out the old man, and starts yelling at the "nine" driver, they say, look where you're going. From the "nine" comes the guy, without thinking for a long time, slashes his grandfather in the face and sits back. The grandfather, having worn himself up, climbs into his "lock", accelerates and rams the "nine" on the right in the middle, pressing both its doors. Then he goes round this "nine" to the left, and, not allowing the driver to get out, rams repeatedly, jamming the "nine" driver inside. After that, he pops out of the window and screams:
- _Ya_ in the war _tanki_ on the ram took, but here all sorts of milkers _mena_ beat will !!! And he leaves.

Feeding with payment
We sit, we do not touch anyone, we do not feed the cat - not because they are evil, but vp. The cat brings in the teeth 5 rubles (coin) and puts it next to the bowl. Prikalyvayus. The cat gets the legal tail from the sprat.
We sit further - we do not feed the cat. A cat with one professional paw blows down a fifty-kopeck piece and dignity carries it to an unknown direction.
We lay on the table.

Hunting to change places
Sunday. Noon (about one o'clock in the afternoon). Provincial town. In the central square no one - everyone wandered around the market and went to soak up the purchases. Near the entrance to the central post office posted ads. Near the wall on the urn the crow sits (I stand in meters 20). She looks at the ads with her head in different directions.
Then he jumps on the border, walking along the perimeter of the wall, approaches one announcement, tears off the phone number and flies with him. I went to the wall and read: "
A new house is being sold in the village ... "The crow was clearly drawn to the change of places.
So tell me that only people read it ...

Kuzka
We walk with our dog Dora, a woman joined us, with a dog Kuzka, not far from the mother with the kids are walking ... The kid came up to us (about five years, no more), asked the dogs how he was called, and then happily says my companion:
- Aunt! And I know you! You are the same Kuzkina mother!

You must catch the robbers!
The client came to the bank. Crumpled, final under the eye. I came to block the card. He says that on Saturday evening he was robbed near an ATM, which sticks out into the street from the bank's premises. He blocked the card and said:
"You must catch the robbers."
They say, it's a law enforcement matter. To which the client seriously says:
- I understand that law enforcement officers, but you have a cashier sitting in an ATM, she should have seen everything, let her make a photo sketch.

Culture shock
Pulkovo-2, the end of 1996. Arrival hall, about 180.
I meet a friend, native tehan from Austin, TX. Before landing in the car, Steve recalls that he needs a restroom.
I give him a direction, and I continue to load his luggage.
After a while Steve returns completely shocked. He tries to learn Russian and quite tolerably pronounces phrases like "sorry, I'm a mad Texan". But now he strongly doubts what he read. His question takes me by surprise
- What is a TOILET IS CLOSED FOR LUNCH ?!
I leave it near the things and stroll to the coveted door.
All right.
All ended well, we just wrapped in Pulkovo-1. But the cultural shock was really strong.

Standard entertainment
I come here one of these days to one friend, and his computer is turned on in the kitchen. While he poured vodka, his wife said:
- Well, you have fun!
I look - on the computer is open: "Start" - "Programs" - "Standard" - "Entertainment". And in the "Entertainment" menu one item - "Volume Control".