This page has been robot translated, sorry for typos if any. Original content here.

My Blog: jokes jokes stories funny


Cat's tongue
My cat lives at home. Like any cat, she likes to crawl around the apartment. And I must say that in my room there are two doors. One leads to the hallway, the other - to the loggia. When my cat wants me to open this or that door, she makes a sound. But for different doors the sounds are different. I kept thinking, do I start to understand cat language or do I need to buy less beer?
I told my friend about it, so he not only supported me, but also told about the experiment he had conducted this summer in the village. He climbed onto the roof of the house (one-story), and threw the cat down - the sound was alone.
Then he climbed onto the barn and did the same thing - the sound was different. A comrade claimed that the first sound meant: "I am flying from the house", and the second: "I am flying from the barn". He had almost completed his experiments, but the cat escaped, could not bear the suffering for science. The cat left at night, while shouting terribly and woke up the whole village. No one in the village thought that he understood the cat's tongue, but everyone was sure that night: the mate, the choice cat's mate, reached them.

Ringer's solution
He told a fellow biochemist who worked for some time in England. Well, so the post-graduate student comes to laboratory. It is necessary for her to make Ringer's solution or something. Asks:
- Where is your cupboard with reagents?
She is shown. She reads her recipe: sodium chlorine - so many grams. Weighs. Potassium chlorine - weighs.
Calcium chlorine, sodium hydracarbonate, glucose - weighs.
For a long time looking for something in the closet. Then he asks:
- Where is your pH?
A curtain.

Good girl!
He traveled with a group of fifteen teenagers from Tbilisi to a small town with a difficult to remember name. The train runs once a day, so do not want to miss it. We sit at the station, waiting for when they announce. Suddenly, among the flow of Georgian speech from the headmaster, we hear a familiar word - our final destination. We are undermining, running into the car, boarded, counted - one is not enough! We are about to get under way. I run to the machinists, I say:
- Guys, wait, please, a little bit, I have a group of teenagers, one goes somewhere ...
- What is the conversation, daragoy! as the boy comes, come. as you say, so let's go!
I run into my car, grab two boys and say to run, look for this freak. As soon as these two have escaped, the missing person leaves the passage, slowly, with a pie. He expressed everything he thought about him and his relatives, and sent him to look for those two.
When everyone is found, I go to the driver, say:
- Thank you very much, everyone was found, you can go ...
Going to leave when the driver says:
- Slyushay, you want to drive the train?
I say, they say, it would be interesting ... Only I have a group in the car there ...
- Why is there to freeze! Take your group and come all here!
And I must say that the windows were broken, and it was really cold in the cars. I take the boys and go to the machinists. Soothed, we go, closely, but fun. I move the lever, trying to properly stop the train near the platform. That half of the squad will not reach, then on the contrary, the flight of 100 meters ... Somewhere in the middle of the road the driver turns to the smallest girl and asks:
- How are you, girl?
- Masha ...
- Masha, do you want to run an electric train?
- Want!
Put the girl in front of the lever. And when overclocking, there is a trick - you need to move the lever by one division, and gradually increase the power to the third division. A girl with a satisfied face tugs the lever to the third ... A buzz, a sharp jerk ... and suddenly darkness and silence came ... Everyone is silent. I do not know what to do, Masha has a wild fright in her eyes, she is trying to fall into the floor and weep ... And then a cheerful driver's voice is heard:
- Well done, Masha! Good girl! Palamala train!
Everything ended well, the fuse changed and went.

Calculate!
I'm going in the 40th bus. Nearby are three young men (as it turned out later, the cadets of the rocket troops). Yes, seemingly ordinary people dressed in civilian rags (that is, the appearance does not arouse suspicion among others). From the depths of the bus, the conductor’s calls are heard:
- We pay the fare!
- A man with a girl, and what is your fare ?!
- Entered are calculated - calculated!
All the same, as usual. So, this conductor comes up to us and, in his usual tone, says one of his call-out requirements: - So, here, young people - we’re calculating!
And then one of my neighbors, in a seat, without batting an eye, answers:
- The first!
2 soded:
- Second!
Third:
- The first!
I have no choice but to say the following:
- Second! The calculation is over, comrade!
And as if in confirmation of his words, present her with his travel card (preferential for organizations).
The conductor slams his jaw slowly. And she utters the catchphrase:
- These (a nod in the direction of the neighbors) are going with you?
Assessing the situation, I honestly answer:
- Apparently yes.
Conductress:
- Ah, well, yes - well, yes, sorry.
And it follows further to the other passengers. A curtain.

20 winchesters
Excerpt from a letter to Valery Fedorovich Mamonov (Head of the Department. Aut. Region). You declared 20 winchesters of 200 MB each, and you got 6 of 6 GB each, which is equivalent to 30 winchesters of 200 MB each.
By correctly distributing the resulting technique, you can almost completely solve the problem of external memory. Shl. The locksmith asked the piglet three bolts for 12, and he was given 1 for 36. Ku ...

One breed
One dog manufacturer, very intelligent in appearance, has a bad habit of joking with an absolutely serious expression on his face. And walking with his dachshund, he got into conversation with the owner of the Doberman. They chatted, and the mistress of the Doberman in between times asked:
- Have you seen that our Sabaki are so similar?
- Naturally, this is the same breed.
- How is one?
- Well, you see how they look alike. Here are just ears ... Did you stop your own?
- Yes, in three weeks.
- And we - no. See how gorgeous the ears have grown?
- Yes, ears are gorgeous ...
- Here are the tails too - did you stop your own?
- YES...
- And we - no. See what tail?
- Yes, the tail ... the hostess of the dobka thoughtfully answers.
- But the paws - you see, you have not stopped his?
- NO ... Is it necessary?
- Yes, the front - in three weeks, and the rear - in five ... See what paws? Mistress dobki and left, deep in thought ...

Love is in your hands
I saw near the subway advertising ladies' gloss or something like this:
"Love is in your hands"
And exactly under this, the same font size, the municipal announcement:
"Trading with hands is prohibited"
This is from what kind of hangover can be posted randomly!
Where he was born
I read the passport form of one Turk.
The column "Where was born" is written "Nowhere." Slowly re-read ... again ... more ... I understand that this is someone's joke ... Just in case I am looking for his passport, check ... and slide on the floor:
The column "Рlасе оf birth" is written "Nigde".
How to get a good job What to do if you want to work like hell? (A few helpful tips) It’s best, of course, to look for work through acquaintances. Ask your friends and relatives if they have any bosses, bosses, bosses, or, at worst, "lumps" in their work. It is much easier to get a job, having an office, telephone, car and chauffeur. Circling employers in a personal machine, you are far ahead of your competitors. It would not hurt to also have a secretary who would select for you a job. Experience shows that almost anyone can easily get a job and successfully work as a teacher of English, French and German in a rural school. If you decide to submit a job search ad to the newspaper, in the end, by all means write: "Sex is mandatory." We guarantee that this will attract the attention of employers. Dress appropriately for the position you intend to take. For example, if you go to get settled in network marketing, put on a smile and a suit with a tie, and if you go to get a prostitute in a bath, black tights or leggings, a miniskirt and bright, memorable makeup will do. The mustache is better to shave. Sitting opposite the future boss and attentively listening to him, sharpen pencils for him, correct the sheets of paper, wipe the phone, write two or three notes in his diary. Do not look to the future director directly in the eye. They, dogs, do not like this ... To the question "What kind of salary would you like to receive?" should be surprised to answer: "How! Also, the salary will be ?!". Surprise should be sincere, it is very important. In the process of further conversation, carefully ask if you will not be paid a salary six months in advance. And back. You speak evasively about the reason why you quit your job. Say something streamlined, common, for example, "fired for drunkenness ...", "well, so, for absenteeism ..." or "well, the director beat ...". In the workbook under each line about the dismissal, add the same letters with the same handwriting: "... But we do not say goodbye!", "... Do not forget, come by all means!", "Come back, we will forgive everything!". Cute unemployed girls! Fear the bosses with unconventional orientation. Their secretaries really have to work. Arranging a radio or television announcer can be a little joke. For example: "I worked on TV-on-already-on-on ... Speaker-on ...". It is possible that your joke will appreciate. When you are asked about education, you can safely say, for example, that you are a lawyer. Anyway, the current legislation to check it is almost impossible.
10 things that you did not know about beer 1. In Babylonia 4000 years ago there was a custom according to which the father of the bride fed his son-in-law with honey beer during the month after the wedding. Therefore, the first month after the wedding was called "honeymoon".
2. Before the thermometers were invented, the brewers had to lower their thumb into the preparing beer in order to determine the correct temperature for adding yeast. Too cold - and the yeast will not work. Too hot - and the yeast will die. Hence the expression "rule of thumb".
3. Assyrian writings 2000 BC. They say that beer was kept in Noah's Ark.
4. After using a bucket of another amber brew called "aul" or "ale", the Vikings rushed fearlessly into battle in what they were, sometimes even without shirts. In fact, the term "berserker" in Old Norse means "without a shirt," and over time began to mean a fierce battle.
5. The ancient Egyptians greeted each other with the phrase "Bread and beer." They also honored Isis, the goddess of fertility and beer.
6. The oldest recipe in the world is a beer recipe.
7. Historians have discovered evidence that in the Middle Ages, when monks brewed beer in monasteries, each monk was allowed to drink nearly 5 liters of beer per day.
8. The largest collection of beer bottles belongs to Ron Werner, who has collected 11,644 different bottles since 1982. Of these, 7128 are closed.
9. Oktoberfest is recognized as the biggest beer festival in the world.
10. Hops - a magic flower, thanks to which there is a delicious beer. Hop grows in vines and every autumn collects its flowers.


EDUCATIONAL COURSES FOR WOMEN 1. Talking on the phone: How to hang up.
2. Unaccepted checks: How to leave anything on the account.
3. Fighting Imelda Marcos syndrome: Why do you need a new pair of shoes every day?
4. Managing a man: How to depict washing dishes in the form of an erotic game, and cleaning the bathroom in the form of hard porn.
5. TV Remote Controls: For men only!
6. Bathroom etiquette I: Men also need a small shelf in the bathroom.
7. Bath etiquette II: His razor is only HIS razor!
8. The ability to communicate I: Tears - this is the last argument, not the first.
9. The ability to communicate II: Think before the conversation.
10. The ability to communicate III: Get what you want is not immediately and not annoying.
11. Assessment of events: Not only because it is not important for you.
12. Driving a car safely: This can be learned.
13. Gasoline and oil: It is necessary that the car was driving.
14. Introduction to Parking: Acoustic hallucinations.
15. Skillful parking: space exploration.
16. Parking without accidents: 3D-action game.
17. Delicious food: heat or fat.
18. Mastering the cooker I: Acquaintance with scrambled eggs.
19. Mastering the cooker II: Potato peeling and protective hand creams are a way to really save cooking oil.
20. Mastering the Cooker III: Diet and Severe Nervous Disorders.
21. Mastering a Cooker IV: How not to poison a husband.
22. Household dust: Indicator of the need to invite guests.
23. Big wash: It's easier to wash everything at once, including the tablecloth from the New Year's Eve.
24. Ballet: Do not drag your husband there - he will start to compare and think about what should not be allowed.
25. Classic style of dressing: Inconvenience and presentable appearance provided.
26. Party etiquette: The art of drinking for someone's health, without losing yours. 27. Compliments: Graceful reception of them, the art of distinguishing proper K. from skillful harassment.
28. PMS: This is YOUR problem - not him!
29. Sexy underwear: Just in case.
30. Dancing: Why men are cold to rhythmic dances and are not indifferent to slow fish - the correct use of sexual underwear.
31. "In these jeans, I look thick-ass?": Why do men lie.
32. Sex: Sometimes this has to be done after the wedding, sometimes even with her husband.
33. The ability to properly enter the public toilet.
34. Silence, last limit: A place where a woman’s foot has not stepped.


Ten of the strangest questions The 10 most popular questions have been published, which, under normal conditions, are nowhere to be found, but which, nevertheless, interest many people.

1. Does a person experience pain when a head is chopped off?

The answer is yes, it does. As a result of a medical study conducted in 1983, it was concluded that no matter how fast the execution is carried out, a few seconds of pain are unavoidable when a person loses his head. Even with the use of the guillotine, which is considered one of the most "humane" means of decapitation, severe pain cannot be avoided, which will last for at least 2-3 seconds.

2. Why are pineapples so prickly?

The prickly outer side of pineapples seems to contradict the very purpose of the existence of this fruit: how can animals get to the sweet pulp that is inside?

The fact is that those pineapples that are sold in stores, in fact, are still completely unripe. Forest animals eat pineapples after they ripen. A ripe pineapple becomes soft, it is already easy to open, and then the animals eat it. The barbed outer side is present in the fruit of many plants in order to protect the fruit until it is fully ripened.

3. What are the dimensions of the wormhole?

The mole feeds on worms and other reptiles that penetrate its underworld. The size of the wormhole depends on how rich is the earth in which the mole lives. Of course, the hole in a mole living under a juicy meadow will be significantly smaller than a hole that a mole living in acidic soil will dig. In total, an adult mole can dig a hole, the area of ​​which will be more than 7 thousand square meters, by building a multi-level network of tunnels, which can have up to 6 levels. The mole digs a hole deep, with various passages and “storerooms” in which it stores its prey.

4. If you are wearing black pants or a skirt, does your butt look less from this?

The answer is yes, it is. The human eye perceives light colors better, so the outlines of body parts in dark clothes appear smaller in size. The problem is that it only works when you look at the man behind you. When you look at it from the side, the bottom shows its true dimensions.

5. Why does nettle sting so painfully?

Nettle on touching the skin causes such a strong feeling of discomfort because this plant releases a mixture of 3 chemicals when the delicate hairs on its leaves are destroyed when in contact with human skin. Against a burn with these acidic chemicals that make up the nettle, it is customary to use a tool such as attaching a leaf of sorrel to the affected area of ​​skin, emitting alkali when rubbing it against the skin. The effectiveness of this remedy raises questions, some believe that pain is actually reduced because a cool sheet of sorrel cools the skin.

6. How many species of microorganisms live on or in the human body?

There are about 200 of these microorganisms, with 80 in the mouth. Our body is a whole factory for the production of microbes. Every day, our body produces from 100 billion to 100 trillion bacteria. Up to 10 billion microbes are found on every square centimeter of the human intestine, up to 10 million on every square centimeter of skin. Most microbes are on the teeth, in the throat and in the digestive tract, where the concentration of microbes is a thousand times higher than on the surface of the skin. In addition, there are parasites on the human body, such as a follicular tick, which does not harm a person by feeding on dead skin cells. Other parasites can not be called harmless. For example, the amoeba Naegleria fowlery penetrates the human brain and multiplies there until a person dies.

7. Why, if you smear a cut apple with lemon juice, will it not darken?

The answer to this question lies in the cellular structure of the apple. When the knife cuts the skin, the apple cells are destroyed, and the air oxidizes the enzymes of this fruit. The process, when an apple acquires a brown color, is aimed at helping the cell healing process, as well as making the apple unattractive for animals that would want to eat it. And citric acid, which is contained in lemon, slows down this process of changing the color of the cut apple.

8. How thick should a person be to be bulletproof?

To do this would have to become terribly bold. The bullet of the most common caliber -9 mm - is able to pierce 60 cm of human flesh to a complete stop. In addition, even if the bullet were stuck in the fat deposits on the body, a bullet strike would have caused serious damage to the internal organs, and the person could have died from vascular thrombosis.

9. What animals eat wasps?

Wasps are eaten by birds, skunks, bears, weasels, rats and mice. Wasps and bees consume 133 species of birds, which avoid the bites of these insects, crushing them against the trunk or branches of trees. Badgers dig up wasp nests and consume their contents for food, despite the apparent displeasure and resistance of the inhabitants of the nests. They also eat dragonflies, frogs, moths and beetles. The larvae of some species of wasps are pleasant to the taste, if you fry them in oil.

10. Why did nature not invent the wheel?

Nature invented it, it was just imperceptible until recently. Microorganisms use round discs for movement. Bacteria move with the help of "wheels" - they move, attaching to the "wheel" in the cell membrane. This wheel rotates at an enormous speed (up to 100 revolutions per second) and produces electricity, which charges proteins attached to the cell membrane


Flying gossip Residents of the small town of Pasadena (California) quarreled ... because of the parrots.
Cute birds learned to repeat phrases after people - and they began to transmit all the rumors heard!
The first incident occurred when a woman hung laundry in a courtyard and heard a parrot on the roof of the house say something like: "Steve is walking ... Steve is walking ..." Her husband was called Steve. Interested aunt gave the parrot seeds, and he continued: "Tiffany waitress! Tiffany waitress!" The furious woman ran into the only restaurant in the town, found out that a certain Tiffany really worked there, and filled her face.
And it started ... Wrong lovers, beaten wives, homosexuals and secret alcoholics - all the "dirty underwear" got out. Lovely birdies warm their ears and carry gossip, while neighbors listen to them. And knead each other in black!
Ornithologists believe that people themselves are to blame: it was not necessary to feed them - to encourage the parrots for their talkativeness. And in general, nefiga sin!


Tea does not bring good.
The son came home and hesitated for a long time at the entrance, taking off his shoes and puffing - apparently, he decided to do something, but did not dare to begin. The old mother, seeing this, moved by maternal love, decided to help him:

- Son, something happened, son? - and wiped wet hands on a colorful apron. “Oh, no, Mom, nothing, you just do not worry,” the son began to fuss with a recalcitrant boot.
- Well, what are you, son, I see that you want to say something, do not fool the mother's heart.
The son took off his shoe and straightened up, involuntarily shaking his blond bangs, his mother was already enamored - "what a handsome man grew up! Surely he fell in love and was afraid to say, he thinks, I do not approve, stupid."
“Mom,” his voice quivered. - Mama! I have long wanted to tell, but did not dare ...
Mom froze in sweet anticipation: "very big!"
“Mom,” he continued, “I must confess to you that I drink tea.”
Mother remained standing, as she was, afraid to believe - "now it will turn out that it seemed to me and he said something completely different," but her heart already seemed to be squeezed by a strong cold grip.
“Yes, mother,” continued the son, who had rejected any hesitations, looking straight into her eyes, “I am drinking tea.” I have been drinking for a long time. I started drinking tea two years ago and now I drink it every day, sometimes already two cups.
“But you are not yourself ... you were forced ...” the mother close to fainting whispered. - Son ... my son ...
“No, myself,” the son snapped. - I tried it because it was interesting to me, and I liked it. I was pleased to drink hot liquid, to feel the taste of tea in my mouth, I liked the cheerfulness that came with this, I began to study better and I had new friends who also drink tea - they are wonderful people, mother! And tea has nothing to do with it, yes, mother, it's not about tea at all! We even do exercises with them! Mother, as knocked down, sank down the wall, clasped her head with her hands and sobbed in her voice. The son, seeing this, threw off the mask of self-confidence and, kneeling down, leaned over his mother:
- Mom, well, mom, well, you, mom, I even brew it weakly, even now weakly, I only to feel the taste, well, you, mom, live with this same many, mom, well, don't cry, Mom, what are you, well, do you want, I will give up, Mom, I really will, I can, just don't cry, please, Mom, well, don't cry ...
- quit? - suddenly mother cried out sharply and shrillly in tears. - quit, right? How's your folder, throw? Drank tea, drank, and where is he now? BUT? In Bobruisk, I suppose? What are you doing with me, you are such a bastard, I’ve been raising you, I haven’t slept at night, and you are drinking tea ... He brews. And I have known for a long time, I saw that you go to bed for half an hour later, and that you brush your teeth too much ... that you are somehow not so funny ...
Then she remembered something else and burst into tears again, crying in a furious voice:
- And also gymnastics! .. You are a bloodsucker, you want my death ... son, what are you doing with yourself ... I suppose, and you do gymnastics with boys ...
- Well, you, mom, I rarely ...
- I know everything! I have seen such people like you on TV! Every day a new show! - she got up and sat down heavily on a stool. - Ehhh ...
You upset me, son ... Bring mom medicine ...
The son rushed headlong into her mother's bedroom, brought powder, a syringe and a spoon, quickly brewed it, chose it and, without aiming, hit the mother in a vein and made an injection.
Wrinkles on her mother's face gradually smoothed out and a blissful smile appeared.
- Well ... give a cigarette, son ...


Forest squirrel
Bought here recently chocolate. Called "Forest Squirrel".
Already funny, especially if used as a snack for vodka, but in the lap of nature. However, the box is pretty, the ladies especially liked it. Squirrel is drawn - entirely, by the way.
But we turn the box over, on the reverse side we read:
"Composition: proteins - 8.5% ..."
What is this, they want to say that, apart from the ears, they ate the rest themselves ?!


Cautiously, reverse!
You know, probably, some motorists use different personal belongings, so that when reversing, people would scatter where. So voto, I have one friend, being on a business trip in Turkey took some kind of minivan for hire, from which when the reverse gear was turned on the horn produced a very natural hysterical crying of a six-month-old child with powerful vocal cords. Kondraty didn’t have a friend enough when he first got into the back of this van and drove off, and she ka-a-a-aak screamed! Everyone thinks the baby has rolled to death. The truth is then relieved when I figured out what's what.

Acknowledgment In one magazine I read a story about immigrants who got a job working as taxi drivers in New York. So, one of these taxi drivers was a doctor in the Union. English has not yet mastered, especially curses. This and his colleagues took advantage of taxi drivers, people from the former USSR, who lived and worked in the United States for more than one year. One of these guys “taught” to thank this doctor for his clients, who gave extra heels to seagulls and a bun with jam - instead of “Thank you” to say “Fuck you”.
Once, an elderly American woman sat in a taxi for this ex-doctor, who gave him a whole dollar tip (!!!) on the occasion of some holiday or she was in a good mood. The unsuspecting driver thanks her as he was “taught”:
- Fuck yo!
- How dare you?! - indignant poor old woman. - I gave you a whole dollar!
- Well, well, grandma. If you are not satisfied with my gratitude, then I can repeat to you: "I fuck Wo vre muc."
A thousand condoms
Yesterday, my friend ran into the pharmacy for a minute and bought THOUSANDS of condoms in front of the fucking crowd. I stood modestly beside me, hoping to hear the wail of some grandmother:
- More than three hundred in one hand - do not let go !!!
But the line was silent. Even when Masha solemnly handed me four huge packages and exhaled in a well-placed theatrical voice:
- Hold on, tireless !!!
... We then packed these condoms for an hour in gift boxes labeled "8th Advertising Festival."
Souvenir".

Five inch floppy disk
Real case. When I was still in school, we were taught computer science. The teacher shows the students a 5-inch floppy disk, holding her fingers over the very cut in the shell through which reading takes place. One of the advanced students tells her:
- Mar Ivanna! But floppy can not be so (for this place) to take!
- That's right, kids! That's how computer viruses get on floppy disks!

Ram
The queue for refueling. Past the queue, a toned “nine” drives up to the column, simultaneously scratching the door of the hunchbacked “constipation” from the queue with a bumper. From the "constipation" the grandfather gets out, and starts yelling at the carrier of the "nine", they say, look where you're going. A guy comes out of the “nine” without hesitation, smashes his grandfather in the face and sits back. The grandfather, having wiped himself, gets into his “constipation”, accelerates and rambles the “nine” to the right in the middle, pressing both of her doors. Then he rides around this “nine” on the left, and, without letting the carrier get out, rams it again, having jammed the carrier “nine” inside. After that, he leans out of the window and shouts:
- _А_ in the war _tanki_ on a ram took, and then all sorts of suckers _ _ will beat !!! And leaves.

Feeding with payment
We sit, do not touch anyone, we do not feed the cat - not because they are evil, but to break. The cat brings in the teeth of 5 rubles (coin) and puts it next to the bowl. Making fun. A cat gets a legitimate tail from sprats.
We sit further - we do not feed the cat. A cat with one professional paw blow blows a fifty-kopeck off the table and takes it in an unknown direction full of self-respect.
We lie on the table.

The hunt for changing places
Sunday. Noon (about one o'clock in the afternoon). Provincial town. In the central square there was nobody - everyone wandered around the market and went to soak up the purchases. Near the entrance to the central post office posted ads. A crow sits on an urn near the wall (I stand 20 meters away). Attentively looks at the ads, turning her head in different directions.
Then he jumps onto the curb coming along the perimeter of the wall, goes up to one ad, tears off the phone number and flies with it. I went to the wall and read: "
A new house for sale in the village ... "The crow was obviously drawn to a change of places.
So say that only people are reading ...

Kuzka
We are walking with our dog Dora, a woman joined us, with the dog Kuzka, not far from the mothers walk grandly with the kids ... The kid came up to us (about five years old, no more), stroked the dogs, asked what name they were, and then happily told my companion:
- Aunt! And I know you! You are the same Kuz'kina mother!

You must catch the robbers!
A client came to the bank. Rumpled, fingal under the eye. I came to block the card. He says that on Saturday evening he was robbed near an ATM, which sticks out on the street from the bank's premises. Blocked the card and says:
- You have to catch the robbers.
They answer him, they say, this is a matter of law enforcement. To which the client seriously says:
- I understand that there are law enforcement officers, but you have a cashier sitting at an ATM, she should have seen everything, let her make a photofit.

Culture shock
Pulkovo-2, the end of 1996. Arrival hall, about 180.
I am meeting a friend, who is a technin from Austin, TX. Before boarding a car, Steve remembers that he needs a restroot.
I give him direction, and I continue to load his luggage.
After a while, Steve returns completely shocked. He is trying to learn Russian and quite tolerably utters phrases like "I'm sorry, I'm a crazy Texan." But now he strongly doubts what he read. His question and I was taken by surprise
- What is a TOILET CLOSED FOR LUNCH ?!
I leave it near the things and stroll to the cherished door.
All right.
Everything ended well, we just turned in Pulkovo-1. But the culture shock was really strong.

Standard entertainment
I come here the other day to a friend, and his computer is turned on in the kitchen. While he was pouring vodka, his wife says:
- Well, you have fun !!!
I look at the computer openly: "Start" - "Programs" - "Standard" - "Entertainment". And in the menu "Entertainment" one item - "Volume Control".