My Blog: jokes funny jokes
Instructions on how to behave, if you get lost in the forest
First of all, make sure you get lost or you think
2.yvy in the forest,
try to bite yourself behind the ear. If it was possible - you sleep. Sleep further shout "Ay!" Select air and shout first "A" then "U". Do not interfere with training at home. Best at night, in the dark. If you are in a communal apartment, continue training until the neighbors begin to knock on the wall, which means that you can be heard at a great distance. If you are in a room with soft walls and bars on the windows - you overtrained. Relax.
climb on the spruce. If you can not see anything, then the spruce is short. Find another fir tree.
If you can not climb on it, spit. Climb on the birch.
try to build a fire. If you overdo it, wait for the fire in a ditch with water. If the water boils, you can not read further. If the firefighters arrived, reconcile with them and you can not read further.
determine the directions of the world. Stand face to the north, then from the rear will be south, right-east, and to the left-west.
if you met a bear, explain to him that you did not want to eat his raspberries. If the bear does not understand, explain it again in the language available to him. If the language available to the bear is not available to you, then run.
now run faster. To properly escape from the bear, it is necessary that the bear was behind and decreased. If it increases - you can not read further.
if you are hungry, eat everything. If you eat, something is not right, you'll find out later.
if you met people - do not read anything from here.
INSTRUCTION FOR THE INCLUSION OF THE MONITOR
This tool is designed to increase the efficiency of operations for the inclusion of video control devices, in particular, the monitor of the warehouse's warehouse in the conditions of a 2000-strong rolling mill.
2. Preliminary training
Make sure that the monitor is turned on. If such a need really is, and there is no other way to solve the problem that is bothering you, proceed to step 3.
3. Immediate preparation
Verify the qualitative implementation of the preliminary preparation (see item 2). Ensure the presence of a monitor in the immediate vicinity of the server. If it (monitor) is absent, then the resolution of the problem described above is postponed until the appearance of such (monitor). Transmit the identification of the device detected by the monitor behind you to the actual coincidence of its appearance with devices usually considered to be monitors.
4. Turning on the monitor
Find a chair or a stool and sit on it so that the distance from the power button does not exceed the length of your right upper limb, called the handle. Ensure the alignment of the above buttons and parts of the body through a smooth translational movement of the indicated limb, and the index finger should be in an extended horizontal position. Apply a slight muscular force to the back of the monitor.
Evaluation of monitor status
The successful turn-on of the monitor is indicated by a light bulb with a green light (the same color as the lower light of the traffic light). If you think that the monitor has not turned on, check the reasons for the monitor's inactivity (paragraph 6).
The reason for the monitor being turned off.
1. The light does not light.
- You have a bad vision.
- The light bulb is on.
- The monitor is not included in the 220V network.
- The monitor is included in the network, but it does not have 220V.
- Items 2,3,4 of the instructions are not executed correctly.
2. There is no image
- You have a bad vision.
- The monitor is not included in the 220V network.
- The monitor is included in the network, but it does not have 220V.
- Items 2,3,4 of the instructions are not executed correctly.
- There is no server to which the monitor is normally connected.
3. You are shocked
- You turned on the monitor.
4. The image does not match your presentation about it - you turned on the wrong monitor.
Instructions for using the entrance door
Two input (hereinafter referred to as a door) serves for:
- fences of the premises (residential and office) from the general corridor (passage to other premises);
- Prohibition of penetration into the premises of permanent persons;
- Prevent the movement of a large air flow (draft) in the room;
- soundproofing of premises;
- thermal insulation of the premises from external transients and other premises;
- reliable closing of the premises during lunch breaks, lack of people in the premises, etc.
- reliable protection of premises in the absence of the owners of the premises;
- publishing sounds in conjunction with her heavy hard targets;
- Decorative closing of passages;
- Providing the possibility of demonstrating the forces and abilities of citizens during the opening and closing of the first.
- connection to it of various inscriptions, signs, announcements, time of work and the moments of opening and closing doors, etc .;
- the publication of different squeaky sounds at the time of opening and closing (under special operating conditions or at the request of the customer).
2. Requirements for doors and doors.
Doors and double-armed lines must provide:
- Obligations of penetration into the attached premises of permanent persons; for this purpose, doors must be equipped with locks, bolts, chains and other suspicious attachments with secret inserts that have a limited number of response secrets that can open (close) the data of the device.
- Resistance to impact more than 10 g.
- Good resistance to water, resistance to direct sunlight and high protection from external influences. - Reliable and high quality jointing of the door with a double door.
- The characteristics described in item 1.
Place of installation.
The door is installed in the way between the rooms, the corridor and the rooms, between the rooms.
3. Instruction manual.
- Approach to the door is carried out in a single order with a low speed of movement (for the safety of other civilians, who, in turn, wish to pierce in a double door);
If you wish to pounce into the room:
- Fold the palm of your hand into a fist;
- Give a gentle touch to the fist and doors for the purpose of issuing the last gentle sound "tuk-tuk", pleasant for hearing and useful for doors.
- The contact with the handle of the door is made by easy pressing on the last one (with a rapid movement, in the case of combining the securing mechanism of closing the door, called the lock, with the device serving to keep the doors at the time of opening (closing), called the handle);
- In order to open the doors - without straining, pull the handle (push);
- To look, whether there are no willing citizens for an exit (entrance) in double door;
- Accidentally ppoiniknut in double ppoem;
The following two items apply if the door is installed in a room.
- In the event that there is no need to pond in the room (koridop)
- Do not lean on the door, on the lock and the handle, and shoving your head into one and asking someone or something (at the request of a supervisor);
- Depending on the answer received and on your desire, go to the double door, see above;
- Moving away from the two-pronged example, about half a step, push the hand to the side of the handle;
- According to the above points, carefully take hold of the handle and in obligatory order, gentle, pull (push) the handle in order to accurately and quietly close the doors.
- DO NOT SLEEP THE DOUBLE!
- DO NOT OPEN THE TWO TWO AND DO NOT CLOSE!
- Show tenderness in relation to doors and lockable features!
- YOUR UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIP WITH TWO AND TWO APPROACHES YOU CALL INTO THE CARGOING SENSE OF INSPECTION, SHARING, AND SOMETIMES AND GREAT PENALTIES INTO YOUR ADDRESS !!!
- ignorance of the fundamentals and rules for opening and closing the door badly affects the health of people in the rooms, on your relationships with them !!!
Behavior in the pub. Possible problems with the use of beer and how to remove them.
Possible problems with the use of beer and how to remove them.
(The Dutch Instruction).
Problem: The taste of beer is not felt. Perfect pleasure. The bucket is transparent to light.
The reason: The crane is empty.
Method of installation: Find someone who will buy you more beer.
Problem: The taste of beer is not felt. Perfect pleasure. Shirt wet from the seamstress.
The reason: Do not open the pothole or the cart is not carried there.
Way of installation: It is necessary to make regular adjustments before the mirror.
The problem: Legs are wet and cold.
The reason: Wrong position of the arm.
Way of installation: Set the cover so that the foam is directed to the ceiling side.
The problem: Legs are warm and wet.
The reason: Inadequate control of the bladder.
Way of Elimination: Stand near the dog with the collar. After a few minutes, you can take advantage of the beer in compensation.
The problem is: The floor is falling.
The reason: You look at the floor through the bottom.
Way of erection: Find someone who will buy another empty beer cake.
Problem: The floor rocks.
The reason: Unstable sitting without a back.
Way of installation: Bring the broom under the jacket, the wood down, to create an additional support.
Problem: Paul went.
The reason: you are born.
Way of installation: If you are not carried in another beer, cry for help.
Problem: Luminescent lamps on the wall.
The reason: You fell on your back.
Method of installation: Ask someone to put you on a bed.
Problem: You can not see anything, there's a broken cigarette in the mouth.
The reason: You fell on your stomach.
Way of installation: See above.
The problem is: It's getting dark fast.
The reason: Pivbak is closed.
Way of installation: Find out where else is open.
Problem: You fall asleep in a cold, wet, hard bed.
The reason: You fell into a ditch.
Method of installation: Interrogate time among the people. If the pub is opened, go there
How correctly to scratch your eggs?
Their eggs must be carefully combed, trying not to break the shell.
Do podolnye motion along transverse perpendiculars, parallel to the displacement of diagonals. This will help you in a short time (from three minutes to eight hours) to determine which place on the egg you have scratched and need an immediate scratching.
Mark this place with a felt-tip pen, or put it in colored chalks to fix its dislocation for further (immediate) scratching.
Immediate scratching is the scratching of crystals, scattered throughout the area of your egg-copepod. There are three kinds of scrapping:
This is when the academician scratches eggs.
when they scratch eggs with the whole class.
when the sound of the artillery cannonade is reproduced. The strength of sound depends on the strength of the shell and on the width of the mouth of the caddish (or as sometimes they say - scaly).
The most spread dislocation of carcass of the scaly is the cirrus. Eggs in the fresh air - a staunch guarantee that the crumbling eggs will not spoil your Persian cushion, woven from expensive Pepsidian cats.
Try to install from the egg middling - play with your partner in the scratch-toe, noting the small scratch on the armpit on the drow. Owners of unalloyed squares of the eggfree (from two hundred and more) can afford a sea battle or even a forward bullet.
In the process of playful treat with respect to each other, do not scratch the eggs with a partner that does not dare to scratch your chasotomestas like: grubs, pitchfork, boron, potato peeler, circular saw, jug. Just a jug. A little one, jabby. The word good. Zhban. Dot.
Do not let me get carried away by egg children, keep them away from them for eggs. In a word - HANDS AWAY FROM CHILDREN! If you have brushed a single egg, the second put it on the morning, or on the day after tomorrow. If not, then learn from the kup - they lay eggs all the time.
If you have read this point, then you can read.
If you do not know how to read, then you are a goat, a breed and a pig! (which I hpabpy - you do not even say these words!)
Sitting eggs is a real art. Choose all the miserable paintings of Rembrandt, Van Gogh and Stravinsky in the garbage collection! Destroy the books of Hammingway, Eisenhower and Riesenschnauzer! Only after scratching your egg you will experience pleasure, which none of these great people could deliver to you.
Culinary recipes of the era of developed cannibalism
"Salad with crabs and women"
The recipe for the production of st. Krabi, women - all vpepemyzhky. There is no way, but it will draw with beer.
For the preparation it is necessary to find a suitable blonde with a volume of over 160 centimeters. Dragging takyyu blonde in ykpomnoe place, otpezaet y her a given volume and slightly fry. Rare kisochki delicacy meat just melts in pty! But before this, they have to dig out for a long time from the herd of inedible silicone.
"Dyra stuffed with crap"
If a woman ate from time to time kilogramm dirty chepnosliva, then most likely she dpy, full of chepornivym! So I do not have any time to lie down in the dykhok for two hours at a temperature of 200 hrady. With vegetables on the side. Salt perepets by vkysy.
"Hot from a botanist"
This is a vegetarian dish. Since botanists in their majority are not fish - not meat, then it follows that they are plants (most likely vegetables, very similar to celery). Prepare figs knows what and how horrible. And without looking at it, everything is poluchaetsya very vkysno.
"Tomorrow from the Tyrist"
The most difficult in preparation of this conserved product is to entice a sychaynogo tpyista in konsepvnyyu banky. Firstly, they do not fit. And secondly, do not want to climb into this bank. This problem can be solved in part. That is, conspecific of the terrorist in the banks in parts.
"Liver by Stogramovski"
Nakanyne preparation, the liver of selected alcoholics specially vypashchivayut large doses of alcohol. When it reaches the required size and even falls out of the body itself, it is cut out, roasted and served as a cheap zakyski to a salted vodka.
For the preparation it is necessary to catch fish without fish by the surname Fish. As a live bait, you can use a fish called Fish. When the fish pecks at the fish and starts to cling to it - take it for the gills. Then clear the clothes and farshy all the stuff. Before this, all sorts of things must be cooked up or at least found.
"Kypy bilon with noodles"
Take on the ponte of trusty pristofilju and start to hang emy on yashi noodles. Confirm that he is not a man at all, but a real queen. Priestophile, pazymeetsya, it does not believe and will start to complain. But you continue to hang emy noodles on yshi until those pop, until he realizes himself to be a queen. After that, shove it with all the pots in a large pot with water and cook, without removing the noodles from the yasha for two hours on a slow fire.
"Jelly in its own juice"
You cut out the yolk. (preferably not yourself, but another person) and bake with all the contents right in the yolk juice. It is very vkysno. Just lick your fingers (also preferably not their own, but the other person).
"Language with hpenom"
Ask y some nibyd familiar khpena: "And on hpena you language?" If he does not take care of it, then he will be with him. And if ohrenet, then it will open the pothole. In this case, do not hryney yourself, but grab him by the tongue and hang out on the horse. Chop the tongue into kyski and serve with chicken. In fact, when the hreten is not available, it can also be served without china. But poluchitsya more hrenovo. And if in the process of preparation, what kind of hpens will complain, then send it to the hreten.
The Great Gods
Anunnah - the god of pofigism. Anunnah never created anything, he simply exists and breaks off all other gods in case of a catastrophic desire to do something. Anunnah - not malicious and not kind, he immediately disrupts all beginnings, both good and bad. Rumor has it that he once foolishly married the goddess Pakurimka, but forgot to forget about it. Whether they live together is unknown. Fans of the cult usually remember Anunnah, if they really do not want to do anything. Some consider that this Anunnah himself speaks with their mouths, reminding that he is always near.
Psholnah and Pshlavsenah - divine brothers and sisters, according to the sentence - the children of Anunnah and Pakurimka. Psholnah is an evil god, but he is strong, he understands how evil he is, but he always strives to be better. He gave the worshipers the ability to defend themselves against the encroachments of those around them. Goddess Pshlavsenah - the goddess of antistadic instinct, and in combination the goddess of sweet sleep. She defends the worshipers of the cult from the animal striving to follow everyone, and protects their sleep by destroying their name through the mouths of worshipers, if they try to awaken them.
Pakurmka - the creature who has taken the creature is not dead. Fans of the cult say that Pakurmka has taught people to smoke tobacco, and since then they have been constantly trying not to let it get stuck in this kind of art. At the same time Pakurmka is a fan of fresh ideas, which inspires worshipers during the time of consuming tobacco. For her preaching fans worship self-talk her name and consume tobacco in the form of cigarettes in her honor.
Otskimkipu - one of the great goddesses of the pantheon. Faithful companion Anunah in the fight against Glavdemona Zapabatus. Sends a strong and irrepressible desire to do something, besides work, which is the burning of life. Very sympathetic and love curses with most of the higher beings. The only drawback to Otskimkpu - passivity and reluctance to peel off a greenish cloud, replacing it with a chic three-step sofa.
Whisper is the hand-made animal of Anunnah. I took half the dishes in the Anunnakhov House, for which I was exiled to Earth. Fans of the cult do not see Yoptya back, but in all their minor failures it is he who is guilty, and therefore worshipers of the cult always try to get to the point, saying his name when they break something, fall or do it wrong.
Goryvsyono is a small god who is in charge of the propaganda of the Anunnah cult, the eternal rival of Zapabutus. He plays on small human emotions, is friends with Otskukimpu. The main field of activity is small individuals, prone to laziness and slovenliness.
Sexuho - one of the main deities of the pantheon, causes an irresistible desire for copulation. It is responsible for the size of the population and interspecies trapping. He likes to pee and send morpoks - Ebmat, Zoofulla and Upavdomaby.
One in two faces - Babuby and Muzhikamne ..
Babuba predominantly causes carnal desires in men, but there are also lining. Externally, Babuby looks like a thin-fat brunette-bred, devoid of excess and non-superfluous superfluous ..
Muzhikamne - curled up with ivy and sprinkled with a poppy, kraine seductive face SexuHo. Presented by Alexei and produces rumors of his insatiability. He pulls the blanket on his own and often runs into someone else's territory, thereby causing people's feelings of dissatisfaction and envy. Silly, but untiring ..
As a result of the forgetfulness and inconsistency of SexualHo in the last time, the incidence of involvement in the cult of sex minorities has increased. We meet with those who assert that Sexuho is in close relationship with the demons, but this is not proven ..
Pivdrayams - a kine positive god, bestowing clarity on the mind and rechi any, who gave him a symbolic libation in a couple of beers of beer. Not deprived of a sense of humor, likes to joke and pokaprisnichat. Responsible for beer labels and advertising on the 1st channel ..
Hedgehog - the mysterious god, the patriot of all gods and demons. According to the prediction, the Hedgehog is the creator of the universe and the protector of every childhood. Often, children try to finish up to the Hedgehog, who is richer, skilfully masking the prayer under the game in the hedgehog. At the same time Hedgehog is considered the main hero of all fair tales of cult worshipers, where he always reconciles gods and demons, giving people the opportunity to rest alone and harmony.
Zasypn, he is the Demiurge. He does not like to appear in an explicit form, but his influence can be seen by an uninitiated gaze. He is an ideological companion and inspirer of Anunah. Morpovaladshy type. Favorite weapon - spoknochi - a heavy hammer, which strikes a person in hibernation for a long time. Peaceful, but a hitler. It creates a cult from within, but it is not worth while to explain its contribution to the development of the common cause.
You are demons.
Zapabotu - Glavemond. Completed with Anunnah in time immemorial, since then he has been plotting all worshipers of the cult. He commands all the small-fruited demons, and also demons, with whom man can not fight at all and in any way. Zapabotu tried to subdue Seksuho, but she decided to keep the neutrality. All BE-demons obey Glavdemona, that is Zapabotu. Zapabotu encourages a person to the unnatural perverse activity - work. What is most noteworthy, Glavdem himself never does anything, only commands the demons. Do not always succeed. BE-demons serve Glavdemona, exciting in the person unnatural needs, and make people work ..
Khavchikaba is an insatiable demon, unlike the gods, which motivates a person to act. Servant of Glavdemona, that is Zapabotu. It makes people feel hungry. Looks like Khavchikaba as big and fat gamboo ..
Hrapping is an insatiable demon that makes people want to drink unintentionally. Beer, vodka and other alcoholic beverages, including all sorts of vodka-lemon and triple cologne. Servant Glavdemona Zapabotu, but in fact often he does not obey.
Coffeecubes - Cute Be-demon. It is marked with love for the dyed brown water and for the smeared with honey shaving of the teeth. Kofeykuby secretly in love with Pokupimku, gave him a three-way - Karyesku, Gastpicku and BoyPechen. Toddlers are staunchly supporting the parental line of parents and shalat in full force.
The scribe is a demon of destruction and a filthy end. The scribe always comes suddenly, and skillfully disguises himself, not looking at his more than impressive gabarits. Scribe - the most powerful servant Zapabotu, sometimes the forces of Pisets can not be countered with anything adequate from the arsenal Anunnah, Pshlavsenah, Psholnakh and other deities.
Yedidirit TvojuHalevo - disembodied greenish spirit, smelling stale socks. It occurs suddenly and damages the life, the blood, the plant, fresh beer and other, all the rest. It is not a relationship to other demonic and divine beings, but thanks to wiles, Zapabot is an evil demon.
Huiku is an outcast, who, from time immemorial, has fallen to the pantheon and is suffering from a quince. Enjoys the undeserved fame of the faithful admirer of Anunnah, but in fact he hammers. Supports pilots and boatswain. It is considered the ancestors of one of the dialects of the spoken language ..
BoiPechen - especially distinguished against the background of other releases of the coffee pot. BoiPechen is the secret inspirer of the huge cohort of various doctors and other cunning. Motivates on the mustache and the open conflict is rare. The favorite activity is to direct the orl to the Prometheus from the neighboring pantheon. Is an accomplice zapabotu ..
Lesser demons ..
Hakovirnach is a petty demon, podzzhivayuschy and podpihivayuschy pesvetloe bosses on non-planetary actions. Requires 30 fans to bow on a small non-silty carpet in the vicinity of ritual objects: a table (1piece), a chair (1 pc), a boss (1-3 pcs) ..
Tuklientgow is a small and evil evil demon. Always plays on Zapabotu, guilty of spreading a rumor about the need to visit the Client - the mythical city, the hell and hell in one inconstant person ..
Muchalovo - kindly, but artful creation, lost from communication Muzhikamne and Nakovernach. In the early age, I ran away from my father's house, and from then on I was engaged in my own business, depriving me of my music and filling the medium with incomprehensible sounds. Recently fell into childhood and with his head went into telephony ..
In addition to mythical beings and deities, there are mythical places where evil and good deities and demons live. True worshipers of the cult know three such places:
The office is a place, crumbled by Anunnakh, attracting Zapabot. In the Office of Zapabotu veshshit his black business with the help of B-demons and other evil spirits, prompting a person to engage in unnecessary and meaningless activities.
The client is a mythical city, opinions about which are spreading. Some consider that the Customer has long become a refuge for Zapabot and carries evil, while others find that the city is holy and full of bliss. Iszprevne is considered the place of residence of Kofejkuby and Otskukimpu, although the authors are preoccupied with another opinion and are ready to pour borody. According to the traditions of the cult, the true worshipers of Anunnah render pleas for the Client (anunashek), and preach the cult in the Client. There is an opinion that the Client is a moment of truth, where every worshiper of the cult has the opportunity to comprehend his true nature and bend either to Annunah or Zapabotu.
The house is the place consecrated by Anunnach, in which the machinations of Zapaboty lose their destructive power. It is in the House that SexooHo comes in moments of goodness and it is here that the demons pacify and lose their power over man. Truly the first place in the house is Holodylnik and Komputus - the places of goodness and positive emotions
The story of how the grandmother went to the forest for mushrooms ...
Once I walked through the woods, I looked at the garden, I think I'll drop by! I come to this park, I look, the gate! I go up to the well, I go to the elevator, I get on the bike, I get the motor, here the "Bats" to me the conductor approaches, and says, "Aunt give way!" And I say that I do not smoke, so this child will start crying .... But I was not at a loss, and as I gave him in the face, he grabs his knee and screams "My back! My back! "And I think maybe he sovem e * nanulsya? I'm getting out of this train! I look the minibus is! Well, I come up and say "L & M blue and vodka 0.5" well, she gives me Bond and beer, I take this take and moonshine, and run away from these trash! So these firemen caught up with the ambulance! Caught up and say "You surrender forgotten!" Well, I take a kilogram of apples, and go to the bazaar to trade! I bring pears, so I did not have time to lay out these bananas, immediately grandmother runs up, and buys me all the peaches, and says that everything is folded into a muffin! And I think that she is completely uninished, as I will put 20 watermelons in her bag! I took the money and went home! I did not go to the forest any more.
And why did Babka drape smoke?
The bear was an ugly, club-footed and dirty animal. But there was no one kinder in the whole forest. Nevertheless, the animals only noticed his appearance, for which Medved was terribly insulted, grabbed them and brutally beat his legs. Therefore, the animals did not like him. Although he was very kind. And cheerful. He loved foolish jokes. For these jokes, the beasts terribly hated him and beat him. It is hard to be kind and cheerful in the world. The wolf was also ugly and dirty. And he was very angry and cruel. But the animals did not feel hatred for him and did not beat him. Because the Wolf died in early childhood. Because Bear was born earlier for the Wolf. It's good if Good conquers Evil.
Zaets was also angry and cruel. And dirty. He was also a coward. Zaets never made any dirty tricks to anyone. Because he was afraid. But it still hurt painfully. Because Evil should always be punished.
And the Woodpecker was also evil and cruel. He did not beat the animals, since he had no hands. So he poured out his anger on the trees. The animals also did not hit him. Because they could not get it. Once the tree fell and crushed it to death. They say that it took revenge. After that, the animals for a whole month were afraid to urinate on trees. And they pissed on the Hare. The cold caught cold and died. Everything became clear that the guilty Woodpecker. But he was not touched. Because they could not pick out from under the tree. Evil sometimes remains unpunished. The mole was small and blind. He was not evil. He just did his job well. It was he who picked up the tree that fell on the Woodpecker. Nobody knew about this, so they did not beat him. He was rarely beaten. More often frightened. But it was hard to scare him, because he was blind and did not see that he was being frightened. If you could not scare the Mole, the animals were very upset. And they beat Bear. Because they were very vexed. One day, Bear also wanted to scare the Mole. But the Mole did not get scared. Because the Bear killed him. Nenarokom. Simply Bear was very awkward. And the beasts very painfully beat the Bear. Even though Medved said that it was a joke. It's bad if nobody understands your jokes.
The fox was very cunning. She could easily deceive someone. If she did it, then she was not beaten. But sometimes she was not lucky. And they beat her. They beat the whole forest. And then she could not deceive anybody. Because it is very hard to deceive someone if they beat you. Once she was beaten to death. Indeed, the secret becomes explicit.
The boar was big, strong and terrible. He was very much afraid. And therefore, he was beaten especially strongly and always by the whole forest. Sometimes they just threw stones at him. Boar did not like this very much. And one night he hid all the stones in the forest. For this he was extremely badly beaten. More Boar never hid stones. Truth is told - it's time to collect stones and time not to touch it at all.
The goat was neither evil nor good. He was just a Goat. He often goats. And he was afraid to beat him. And he took out his kozhlovstvo all. And then he was beaten to death. Since otherwise he would have died of old age. Someday. When the Kozel died, the Bear cried very much. Because he secretly loved Goat. Love is blind.
The hedgehog was small and scratchy. He was pricking himself. He was not evil, he was just pricked by nature. Therefore, he was beaten only in the stomach. The hedgehog did not like this, so he began to shave. And then he was beaten like everyone else. It's very hard if you are not like everyone else.
The skunk was almost the same as Zaets. Only very smelly. He smelled bad. He was beaten only in a plastic bag. Then the smell was not so strong. One day, Skunk had a birthday. He invited all the animals, because he was very greedy and loved gifts. And the animals gave him a new plastic bag. And severely beaten until unconscious. And Skunk gasped in the bag. So he was buried. In the package. In the Very Far Forest. Since the dead Skunk stank even more than alive. Then came the inhabitants of the Very Far Forest and all were severely beaten. They did not like the smell of dead Skunk. We must live in harmony with our neighbors.
Hamster was also very greedy. And rich. If he shared his wealth, he would not be so hurt. But he still had to share. And he wept bitterly. The rich are also crying.
The lion was the king of beasts. He ruled the forest. Kings are forbidden to beat. This is the law. But all the animals have long been hammered by this law. They also beat the Lion. Never. It's just that it's already been here.
PURPOSE AND OPERATING CONDITIONS AND TECHNICAL DATA OF TOILET PAPER
Toilet paper, hereinafter referred to as the product, is intended to remove the remains of the defecation process from the outer edge of the back passage, adjacent skin areas and locally concentrated in this area of the body of the hair (hereinafter - the place of use).
1. Read this instruction manual carefully. The instruction must be fixed with screws MB in an easily accessible and well-lit place in the line of sight of the user.
2. Roll the product at the chest level of the user in a slightly horizontal position.
3. Perform an act of defecation.
4. Ensure the successful completion of the act and in the absence of the urge to continue it (this paragraph is important for saving and rational use of the product).
5. Straight forward movement of the right hand down, grasp the tip (products), and then sharply move up and to the right approximately at an angle of 60 degrees to the horizon line to pull (the product), thus winding off 700 mm.
6. Differently, by guiding the movement of the hands in the horizontal plane, the tape should be ripped approximately in the middle between the two nearest sections of the perforation. Persons lacking one of the upper limbs manipulate the product with an acute cutting or chopping tool (scissors, table knife, dangerous razor, hatchet cutting hat).
Observe the precautionary measures stated in the relevant instructions supplied with these products.
Note: It is not recommended to tear the product through the perforations due to the danger of distortion and deformation of the surface layer of the fibrous structure of the product material.
7. Fold the piece of the product in the form of an accordion (accordion) by successively bending it over the sections of the perforation, obtaining the product N2.
8. Put in the hand most convenient for the user.
9. Attach the product N2 obtained during previous manipulations to the place of use and press the skin tightly against the skin to perform the wiping movements in the gluteal space.
10. By placing the used article in the field of vision, in conditions of good illumination, inspect the swab present on it for the detection of the egg of the worms or signs of pediculosis. In case of detection, dial 03 and inform the relevant medical institutions in the place of residence. Otherwise, repeat steps 4-9 three to four times.
11. Чистой сухой рукой проверить качество очистки (меж ягодичное пространство на ощупь должно быть сухо, слегка шероховато, края заднепроходного отверстия хорошо протерты, волосяной покров пушист и легко доступен для почесывания). В случае наличия признаков некачественной подтирки ( грязь под ногтями, резкий специфический запах при обонятельном контроле и др.) произвести манипуляции описанные в п. 4 - 9 еще три-четыре раза.
1. Не курить вблизи изделия.
2. Не оставлять использованное изделие в местах культуры, отдыха и приема пищи.
3. Беречь от детей. Туалетная бумага - не игрушка, а средство гигиены !
4. Не рекомендуется многократное использование изделия.