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Normal pressure
I had a friend at the institute. Kind, but tree. Lecture on sports medicine. We play "Battleship". Suddenly the teacher turns around, and:
- Sasha, what is a person's normal pressure?
Sasha gets up silently and looks for a long time. I show my index finger from under the desk (I want to show 120/80 on my fingers). Sasha, cheering up:
- One.
Teaching:
- What is one?
At this moment I am showing two on the fingers. Sasha:
- No, two.
Teacher: - What are two?
Sasha is straining:
- Pascal. Like this.

Rubber capacity
I had one friend - Vasechka. A big fan of drink and pokut. Drink - vodka, which he always affectionately called a blonde, and pokut in one of the Moscow clubs, most often in “Hama”. At the same time he always wanted to combine the first with the second, which categorically did not allow the income of the cadet, which he was. I indicate the direction of activity not in vain, but in order to once again prove that ordinary military people everywhere work wonders. So, for the sake of fun and economy, Vasya decided to bring vodka bought in the tent next to the club to Chameleon. In a bottle, of course, it’s impossible to carry it in - they will not be taken away to the club - so he carefully bought a condom with vulgar silicone aunts on the box in the same tent, stuffed it into a pocket of light (!) Jeans and began to pour vodka from the bottle into prezik. It is known that any container is unspoiled. Even a rubber product. And we had to stop and spit on the remaining 50 grams at the bottom (well, or drink then something!), But Vasya decisively poured the remnants. Before entering the club, the condom burst ... The spectacle was still when sober and angry, fragrant with vodka, in light pants, completely drenched in flammable liquid, Vasya sawed home on the subway.

Old joke
We went from the university to exchange for a semester to England. Type to learn. Well, I met there in the second month of stay with a pretty girl. She didn’t see Russians before me, she represented us according to the Siberia-Vodka-Bayan scheme, and indeed she was very decent and shy. In addition, she was neat, eating only a fork knife, well, everything else. Excellent, their Komsomol and just beautiful. For a long time we didn’t move forward with her, but after a month and a half of acquaintances, that first unforgettable night came. I do not know why, but I was in such a cheerful mood that day. I wanted to rejoice and joke. And after the delight of owning my beloved, I just fell into ecstasy. And I wanted to somehow surprise and laugh her. I remembered her initial ideas about wild Russians. In the inflamed brains, the old jokes were spinning wildly, and a “brilliant” idea occurred to me to wipe my own curtain. There were no curtains in the dorm room; she had strict, clean and heavy silk drapes hanging from her. Naked, under her bewildered gaze, I blinked to the window and, pretending that I was doing the most usual and normal thing, began to wipe my # # with these curtains. Then she heard her mad cry that aroused the whole quiet English town.
This cry roused all the hostel, the police arrived. I explained to the police for a couple of hours that there was no rape, but she screamed with delight. The girl herself did not dare to name the real reason for her cry. Crimson, she sat on her bed and looked at the mob of police, scurrying down the corridor of curious students and half-naked in my room. But everything worked out and the police left, politely saying goodbye and asking to restrain their emotions in the future.
What can be said in conclusion? A year later I moved to England, married this girl and now we have a son.

I woke up and ...
In my student years I had a friend named Alex. He was a very versatile person and loved to drink. So, in a state of intoxication funny stories constantly occurred to him, about which he gladly told his friends.
The stories began the same: "I woke up and ...".
For example, "I woke up and lay on the dinner table at home ..." or "I woke up and I was sitting in a police UAZ vehicle next to the driver ..."
But the most outstanding story looked like this:
- I woke up and I sit on a bench on October Square, telling Lenochka G. about the benefits of a blowjob ...

Chipmunk Revenge
I had a friend - a fireman worked on punching exploration wells. That is, who knows, the fire method of blasting is fuse, cord, etc. Somehow I ask him - Vasya, where he lost his fingers on his arm (there are no three). He hesitated, hesitated, then said:
- Do neher, catch a chipmunk, fuse with a short cord in the ass insert and set on fire. He runs, runs, and then so cool BAM !!! So one, when I set fire, twisted and clutched his teeth in his hand ...

Jewish game
In a happy youth I had a friend - a musician who played the guitar in the "team" of a St. Petersburg tavern and recklessly worshiped his western idol, eminent guitarist from the DEER PURRLE group, Richie Blackmore. Everybody was a good friend of mine: he played the guitar well, and sang like a nightingale, and drank like all tavern labuhi. He had one drawback - he was a terrible anti-Semite, and he honored the Jews for nothing and for any reason. Somehow I go to his house (he is trying to play the legendary Blackmore's Guitar Passage from the Highwow Star Thing under the tape of a cigarette smoke) and, for fun, I say:
“Hear,” I say, “and Blackmore is a Jew.”
The cigarette hung on my friend's lower lip, he quit playing, looked at me dumbfounded, then at the tape recorder, then at the DEUR PURRLE photo that hung on his wall, sat a little silently and then very so thoughtfully, with some narrowed eyes, said :
- Well, damn, I felt the same - something is not right in his music, something is not right ...
I tried to persuade him for a long time, saying that no Blackmore was a Jew, that I was joking, but he just nodded to me all somehow. At that time my friend did not find the facts that unequivocally confirm the Jewish origin of the British guitarist, nor did he find any facts that would argue to the contrary. However, to the music of DEER PURRLE and to the further creative career of Richie Blackmore, he noticeably lost interest, although, as far as I know, he still plays the guitar on the guitar to this day. And what about the Hebrew he heard in Blackmore's guitar game, he never really told me so.

Parachute with stabilization
In one paratrooper unit, a scheduled jumps with paratroopers were conducted. As usual - a long drill, briefing, laying domes on do it once. Army, in short. Jumped with parachutes D-5 with stabilization for 3 seconds. This is such a big round white dome, a classic amphibious landing (I don’t remember exactly, but the area is about 70 square meters). After separation from the aircraft, a small stabilizing parachute (1.5 sq. M) is forcibly opened, preventing the parachutist from tumbling, and after three seconds of falling beneath it, the parachute safety device unzips the knapsack and the stabilizing parachute pulls out the main dome. Everything is quite simple and reliable.
And here is one young soldier (let it be Alekseev Seryoga) preparing for a jump. From the briefing, he knows that after opening he needs to look up - if everything is in order with the dome. Above the head should be white, regular round shape. If everything is fine - do not twitch, prepare for landing. The impact on landing, the instructor said, is like a jump from 1.5 meters. This and worked out several times, jumping from the bedside table. And finally, takeoff. We went to the combat course, the ensign opens either the door or the ramp (I don’t know why they jumped), but the fact is that during the opening, he touched the nearest soldier with this door. The closest was Serega. Well, hooked and hooked - Seryoga and did not feel almost. Actually, the door had to be touched exactly on the glass of the safety device (~ 2 cm in diameter), which cracked, burst inside and jammed the hand of the mechanical timer set for three seconds!
Signal, "get ready," "go," "go," "go." I went and Serge. Separated - airflow, stabilization jerk, whistle, carousel of pictures (imagine the sensations of a person jumping for the first time). The timer on the device counts seconds to open: one, two. And the arrow rests on a piece of glass. The lock does not open, and what happens in the parachute world is called incessant stabilization, that is, the parachutist whistles down under a small cupola. And it should be noted that this cupola cope with dignity with the task of stabilizing the body, but not so much in terms of slowing the fall of the body. The speed under it is ~ 35 m / s (and just in a free fall ~ 50 m / s).
Seryoga falls, raises his head ... If you think that he immediately put the spare tire into action - KHMEN THERE. Is it round over your head? Round. White? White The correct form?
Correct. And what is not enough - they warned me at the briefing: the lines are long, the dome is far away from you, it seems less than on the ground. In short - SEREGA BECAME PREPARE FOR EARTHING. As always happens in stories with a good end - whether the snow was soft, whether it was summer, but the hill was caught, or the bushes and trees successfully grew, or just then the paratroopers were real - it is imprinted with this speed into the ground: - No x-se, jump from 1.5 meters !!!
Rises and, swearing and limping, drags on start. And there the nix, PE - the man crashed! Serega understands that his problems are almost not problems, compared to this, and together with everyone he goes in search of the body. Looking for, of course, for a long time. And, of course, not found. The command is shocked - they decided at least to find out who he is - the tragic death. Conducted construction with calibration - everything is in place. Command just in a stupor and panic. And then the prapor notes Seregin's parachute on the laying table:
- Alekseev, your mother, completely fucked up - why and when did you manage to do it without a team ?! One corpse is not enough?
Seryoga tries to explain that he didn’t pack anything, that he landed. Of course, they look at him as if he were a moron. And then the prapor noticed the glass on the device and remembered the door to the plane ...


Unsuccessful hijacking
I had a friend in my student years, Sanya. He was a great motorist. And they had in the family of the Zhiguli-kopek, the old old one, who lived according to the principle "we are not a checker, we must go." That is, everything that "did not affect the speed," was unimportant. And the area in which Sanya lived was somewhat unfriendly to cars (St. Petersburg, Vitebsky Avenue). At night, from the car tyrili all that is possible. And in the evenings one could see a mini-caravan from Sani and his father, who dragged all sorts of keys, a jack, a spare wheel, etc. from the car to the house. In the morning, respectively, all this was carried back to the car and it became complete for the flight. And one morning, Sanya comes out of the house and sees that their self-propelled unit tried to overrun. It looked like this: the thieves smashed a window in the driver's door and tried, pulling the handle, open the door.
They did not know, poor fellow, that there was no lock in the door for a long time, and that the door would not open on the move, it was laid by JOM.
They pulled, pulled - the door does not open. Seeing such a thing, they got on the other side. There, for their happiness, the castle still remained. Climbed. They began to start the car. But where can they start it when Sanya himself cannot always start it ... Broken off. They began to push the car, since such things. We must at least somehow steal, just come from. But after fifty meters she had a wheel. Here the thieves could not stand it. Spat, you see, in the hearts, and left.


A joke about the government
I was here the other day with a friend and told an old but funny joke. Everyone laughed, and especially his girlfriend, and they forgot. Four days later I came to this comrade again, and there was still a people there. The girl says him:
- And what anecdote did you tell such a ridiculous, something like about the government?
Well, do you remember all the jokes that he told somewhere ?! Yes, and about the government? In short, they were hushed up, and after another 15 minutes I decided to tell a joke. Remember “the girl is sitting in the sandbox, one eye emerged, the other dangles, her mouth is torn and says:“ I sneezed on my dick. ”And now, everyone is laughing and my friend's girlfriend says:
- Here he is! anecdote that you told!
Mute scene ...


Labor protection MGSU (formerly IISS), specialty CAD, 5th year, people write diplomas ... Since old times, it has been preserved that each diploma project should include a section "Labor Protection" And so, the people get in the department of labor protection relevant the tasks seem to be on the topic of the diploma ... A student long and dreary explains to the teacher that calculations of fire resistance of structures, lightning protection, security of installation of structures, illumination of a building site, etc., are not suitable for her diploma topic ... A piece of dialogue:
Protection Instructions:
- Well, what are you telling me! What is your diploma theme?
Student:
- I have - the creation of a graphic library for ...
- Well, here, and you say that you do not need labor protection ...
So you count me the illumination in this very library!


Read the instructions!
93 year, Moscow, bar, people with the habits of the new Russian brothers. Sitting means one pretzel at the bar and asks the bartender, such as tequila boom being served here? He says that there are no problems, in general, the mate says that he only consumes it. Then the oil painting, all by the rules, the bartender pours a pinch of salt on his hand, gives lemon (well, I think people are aware that lick, drink, bite), boil the stoparik on the counter and give it to the pretzel. Then the picture is no longer butter, but sausage. The eagle lands a stoparik, eats it with lemon, and with a professional gesture of a cocainist "sniffs" the salt in it. To say that all visitors to the bar came together in half is to say nothing.
So, read the instructions.


Hero's daughter
As is known, during the Great Patriotic War we had quite a few good generals. One such worthy general was Chuikov, who commanded the defense of Stalingrad.
Despite his strategic abilities, he is even among his colleagues
(!!!) was a man of rude and unrestrained. Screaming at a subordinate general and giving it in the face was a matter of ordinary. So after the war, as you know, Zhukov fell into disfavor and was put in command of the Urals Military District; Chuikov, on the contrary, went uphill. Do I need to explain that the relations between them were, frankly, not very good?
This is a prelude. The very same fairy tale, more precisely, true, is. Chuikov had a daughter Nelly. A kind of "rlaugirl", in the sense that a representative of the then "golden youth". And it was up to the East School of Moscow State University to decide to enter the designated child, not just anywhere.
And, as expected, received a "2" in history. And the next day - such a picture. The same teachers are going to take exams at a different faculty. And they still come out of the subway, and there is a cordon, and completely from the captains. Gone are - another, from the majors. Approach to the building - the cordon of the colonels already. In the building itself completely generals. Teachers are invited to the office, there is the dean, Chuykov and his son, who is modestly waiting for a showdown.
Professors, respectively, are asked, they say, what is it, the child of the Hero of the Soviet Union enters, and on you? .. To which the professor answers:
- Do you know that we asked her?
- What?
- Who commanded the defense of Stalingrad.
“And what did she say to you?”
- And you ask her.
Chuikov turns to the child and asks:
- What?!
To which the child, looking down, responded:
- Zhukov...
History has preserved for descendants a wild cry of an offended general in the best feelings:
- FOR DANU !!! WASHING FLOORS !!! AND THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU MORE HERE !!

!
Pheasants learn to fly
I have a friend in one state farm. Every game is bred there: a la deer-boar and so on. So, this state farm decided to breed pheasants. And what about the "royal hunt" .... A high-set chief on a hunt will arrive with a canoe-thread ... and here you are, pzhlsta, pheasants shoot. We bought pheasants. They bred, as it should. Only bad luck came out. From the abundant feeding (and what else from the pleasures of life) pheasants ransomed and completely refused to fly. A high ranking hunter came, dogs, guns. everything is up, and pheasants run through the bushes, and persuade a fig to take off. Embarrassment. A friend shares her problem with a colleague from another hunting farm. He says that somewhere in the Yugoslav hunting estate there was also a similar problem. Well, and gave a solution to the problem. One of the local "Kulibins" invented a cunning device like a catapult. Made them, put them in the bushes.
Further, like clockwork. Dogs are driving pheasants. They run through the bushes ... and here ... Klats! The catapult works ... The pheasant appears in the sky and there is nothing left for him but to flap its wings until it is shot. When a friend told me all this ... the first reaction was: - And you would have used the pheasants to give out a gun to your paws, so that you could shoot yourself ...


Minka and pet shop I priblul yesterday an original phenomenon, I decided to share.
I leave it from home, I see a yard cat, known by the nickname Mink, clinging to the door handle of a pet store on the ground floor (this is how I have a comfortable house). I decided to help the man, opened the door, Minka walked inward with a businesslike look and headed straight for the shop assistant, expressively meowing; was served immediately by a portion of whiskey. I was interested in the spectacle, moreover, I had already noticed a long time ago around Minki’s neck who took the flea collar from whence - despite the fact that he had not lost the appearance and habits of the fighting yard cat.
The saleswoman gave the following description of the situation.
About six months before that, Minka, then still unknown to the staff, showed up at the store by the same method around seven, before closing, sat down on the food store and yelled until it was given. Since then (from the first), the daily (!) Tradition has taken hold. The saleswomen agreed on the issue with the management, Minke was given a share in the feed with an expiring date (usually transferred to the shelters).
A month ago, Minka arrived at about noon, that is, during the irregular time, he climbed onto the hygiene counter, brushed off a stack of shampoos and other things, sat in a display case with flea collars, and began to scratch expressively.
The saleswomen who had fallen away found the opportunity to give the man a collar. Minka reacted favorably to the present and went about his business, already wearing a collar (although he usually does not make physical contact).
A couple of days ago, the incident was repeated. The instructions for this collar do have an indication that, although the validity period is two to three months, in conditions close to the battle conditions, it is recommended that the collar be changed monthly.
And they changed ...


Note from the dog I go out recently to the kitchen - looking for what to feed the dog.
I look - there is nothing, but usually something is left.
Strange. And at this moment a dog enters the kitchen with a piece of paper in his mouth. I select a piece of paper and consider. The paper says:
"The dog has already eaten."


Rent a car or you can not spend ...
It was in the Emirates a couple of years ago.
We arrived there with a company to rest and, dragging a couple of days in the heat, decided: we must rent a car. Well, it is necessary, it is necessary. Us - 6 people, including 2 children, so the choice fell on the minivan. The search was short and, stumbling upon Chevy-Lumin, I decided not to split hairs and take it (especially before I had such a pepelats and I was very pleased with them.)
Called-ordered.
An Arab arrived, brought a contract and a car. After bargaining a bit, they agreed on $ 60 a day (although he had previously asked for $ 80). An Arab, under the sly of our vanity, happily and clumsily added something to the "special conditions" and went to show us the car. During the inspection, the Arab showed me a slightly cracked turn signal and said that the pier was an old defect, not yours, do not worry ...
What a decent uncle - I thought, and even more settled down to him. Seeing my relaxation, the Arab immediately rejoiced us that we should have another $ 200 of bail, they say for insurance and violations you’re lovers of fast driving ... and we have traffic police here, etc. And if nothing happens, you will get full ...
Well, it is necessary so it is necessary, especially there was no need to violate, and even more so abroad. Although it is suspicious. On that and went. We skated a short time, without incident, just a couple of days. And so neatly that even from the local, very polite drivers, they received a hoot for the ass. Parking always paid ahead and for a long time. They left the car only where it was possible, even if it was a long way to go. Blyuli, in short. And so it began ...
Evening. 20-00.
We leave the museum all together, we look forward to a trip to a restaurant and see that our “SHEVYA” is standing, somehow squinted, bending our head low and quietly sizzling with the front right wheel.
I, like today's driver, roll up my sleeves, climb over the tool and spare wheel, arrange everything. Everything is usually a trifling matter ... BUT here I find out on the wheel what?
- RIGHT!!! - SECRET !!!
Freaks !!!! And this is where taxi 140 of the body of the merino, and all there KAMRI like the Cossacks, and the car does not close at all (he saw) Well, who needs a bald rubber band from the minivan !!!!!!!
TO WHOM ????????????? !!!!!!!!!!!
They rummaged through the whole car, but did not find the secret key! They called the rental office - there is no one, probably already late. Called the Arab on the mobile phone - silent. They called the travel agency - they got sworn promises for help and all that. Okay, I collected all the supplies and until the wheel was blown away, I limped off before refueling. There, at my request, some captive Hindu tanker pumped as much as 3.5 atm. and told in the language of the deaf-and-dumb that tire fitting is very close here and we will drive easily in 5 minutes.
YES!!! EASY!!!!!!
If you are able to read their street names and even at night and on the go, and even under the constant twitching of two hungry children and female bores. But luck did not let us down - found! HOORAY!!!
Quick, fast, guys! A pair of Hindus promised for $ 3 to pull the wheel.
I went to wash my hands, I come - both stand, looking blankly at the wheel, the mechanics, their mother! Apparently the elder says:
- Here you have a secret castle. Give me the key please.
- Ha! I would look for you here if I had him!
- Then we will not be able to help you, it is impossible to break !!!
Wives come closer, seeing that something is wrong and the wheel does not change:
Interfere in the dialogue:
- Children! We are hungry! What can you do?
Hindus stand to death.
- CAN'T AND EVERYTHING HERE!
And then they suddenly remembered something about the trade unions and the end of the working day.
I start to boil and turn to Russian
- Dick, you go where, until you change the wheel !!!
- This is impossible, sir! No key!
- Oh, you can not! We ourselves can! Well, a hammer and a pipe, give me a piece!
- What is you need?
- Hummer, your mother !!! And what else do you have there - I climbed into their bins.
Seeing my perseverance, the Indians parted.
I found a piece of pipe of a suitable diameter, made a “secret key” out of it — flattened a nut. For a couple of blows he planted it on the nut, spun it from the heart - and a minute later he solemnly handed the wheel to the dead Hindus:
- Latay, your mother - and then eat hunt!
Wives applauded!

MIN NO :) ))
Women who are ready to nibble low-calorie croutons around the clock in order to achieve an apotheosis of the diet - their body weight equals its temperature - people in white coats strongly recommend cheering their bodily substance tired with starvation with an oral orgy ...

And it's not even that one portion of male sperm contains only 5-8 kilocalories. It turns out that high-quality and flawlessly performed fellatio is one of the most natural, optimal, and most effective ways to relieve psychological fatigue and nervous stress in women of the beautiful half of humanity.

Needless to say that a woman starving fast around the clock is on the verge of a nervous breakdown ?! She is outraged by the frankly innocuous parts, little things and trivial things. And all because a man in the name of his own immaculate figure does not receive a good piece of well-done pork ...

Sometimes in those special cases when the “weather in the house” reaches the mark of the storm point, and the precious husband utterly annoys her nerves and starvation, the girl wants to throw passion into the offender with something bulky and very heavy. For example, freshly baked apple pie, to which she, albeit on a diet, alas, will not touch. However, if you do not bake as well as I would like my husband, a direct hit of this culinary product in the target can kill right on the spot. Remember: not only that human blood is not water, but it is also much harder to clean the carpet ... For this reason alone, you should probably listen to the advice of good aybolites that stress is best removed not with a hand-hands, but with a complex of oral sexual exercises.

Doctors explain such an unexpected effect of the boring blowjob procedure by the actual activity in the oral cavity, which also, like sucking candies, for example, calms the nervous system and relieves irritability. Recall the delightful faces of babies with a pacifier in their mouth: 3 minutes ago they were yelling at the stinker, but as soon as mom shoved a foreign object into their mouth, easily amenable to sucking, the child calmed down.

In the very procedure of sucking, psychoanalysts see the subconscious return of a person to serene infancy, when breastfeeding was not only a source of satisfying hunger, but also met the needs of the baby in tactile contact with the mother - protector and nurse. After all, when mom is around, you can not worry in vain - she will not allow you to offend ...

In order to finally convince the masses of the need to include a blowjob in the diet of daily sex games, doctors draw our attention to the fact that quite frequent oral sex can help get rid of such bad habits as smoking, gnawing nails, and even manic picking in the teeth. “In this case, oral sex as one type of oral activity replaces another, less useful and more boring one,” say the doctors.

“Suck on health - and do not be nervous!” - people in white coats give free recommendations to girls. Perhaps this is one of the few medicines, the use of which, in addition to the benefits, brings more pleasure ...


Praporsky form
A friend comes to me yesterday and tells a new anecdote from his life, about warrant officers (he works at the institute and is now sitting in the admissions office). So, the ensign comes to him with his son (poured out a little ensign) to apply for admission. They were given forms, explained how to fill out and left unattended. After half an hour, it turns out that how to fill it did not reach them! Then they poke their face into the sample and explain why this sheet is hanging here. It seems to reach them and they start filling in the form.
An hour later, when the entire selection committee begins to giggle slowly, the ensigns bring the completed form and are removed. Then the most interesting thing happens! The entire admission commission, after seeing the completed form, begins to slowly crawl off the chairs, not paying attention to the applicants, but the point is this.
As exemplary ensigns, these guys filled out a form, at which they were able to correctly fill out their data, after which they CUT LIST and the bottom of it wrote “SAMPLE” !!!


8 pyramids
I work at a candy company, well, in the sense that the company sells Moscow sweets. November-December we have the most season. Sell ​​gifts all different. Here you and the cubs and dogs and pyramids and Christmas trees, in short, there is something to choose from.
People once decided that candy gifts are an essential attribute of the New Year. (Well, who does not remember: Santa Claus, straightening a sliding beard, gets a bag out of the bag, and in it ... are candyy !!!) And the "supplies" of Santa Claus are the parent committees of all kindergartens and schools. They are bought from us. So, the overwhelming majority of mommies walk long along shop windows, choose gifts. There are heated discussions:
- Girls will buy gifts in the form of carriages, and boys in the form of locomotives ...
- Well no! Look, the boys will buy motorcycles, and the girls here are these nice little cubs ...
Nuu and in the same vein. As a result, moms buy a N-th number of motorcycles and a number of carriages (boys and girls). And here today are three such parent mothers, after half an hour of discussion, they approach me to place an order: - Us, pzhlsta, 11 locomotives, 14 carriages and 8 pyramids ...
I beat out, repeating (so as not to distort the order):
- So, the boys have 11 steam locomotives, girls have 14 carriages and 8 pyramids ... AND TO THE PYRAMIDS? I'm in a stupor, mummies and everyone around under the table.


Magic words
It sounds like an anecdote, but one of my acquaintances successfully passed the subway as follows: giving his face a very preoccupied and divorced from worldly fuss, he approached the control booth, casually throwing a cult phrase there:
- I'm discriminant!
And with the same expression on his face, he calmly continued his journey on the subway past the fucking granny.
For all the time he practiced this method, I don’t remember a single case when the controller had something against ...


Egg .. e
MEN ONLY HAVE NOT STRONGLY DONE, THE YESTERDAY OF YOUR HUSBAND FINALLY CONCERNED THE CRUSHED BUYING HORSE, EXPENSIVE (FLOOR OF THE YEAR OF COPY). WENT TO THE STORE, FOLLOWING THE FOLLOWING HOUSES, HAVING A WISH, HAVING A WELL, HAVING A FURTHER, AGRICULTURAL CONDITIONS, IT IS HAPPING THROUGH, TURNING, AND WELLING. THAT IS FROM COGNAC, OR FROM MY FATHER, AGREED. HAVE PUT THE CHAIR ON THE LITTLE, IT WAS MISSING MY ON THE LITTLE, AND ME FORGED TO KEEP IT.
HANDLING OUTSIDE: MY "PURE EAGLE" AS FLYING FROM THIS PLAYBAR, TOGETHER WITH A LUSTRA, WHICH DIVIDED FRIENDLY, SWITCHING UP AND WITH A REMAINER, LUSTERS COLLISTS ME TO ME. THOUGHT WILL KILL, AND HE SPEAKS: -B .. HOW ARE THE DIRECTION OF THE PI # D # ZERO, DIRECTLY TO THE EGGS HAS RECEIVED, IT IS WELL NOT DIED!


Distress
Yesterday I went to the dentist with my son Yegor (7 years), to check whether everything is in order. Egor courageously, with sternness on his face, comes CAM (for the first time in his life) into the office (still, the promise to buy a new disc with a toy affects) just as bravely sits in a chair and opens his mouth.
Dentist:
- Mommies! Egorushka, why have you never volunteered to the dentist before?
On what child with well, sooo serious muzzle gives:
- Because you, dentists, with your dental work, cause me some mental suffering. And after your useless manipulations, I was like a bee in my mouth.
For 5 minutes the dentist could not work.


Unpainted policemen
Once we are driving along a suburban highway, passing a village ... Suddenly, on the road, there is a bump across the entire highway, after a few meters - another one, no stripes on them, just bumps. I ask my husband:
- Is that a speed bump, is it?
- Yes.
- Why not painted?
Husband gloomily:
- They are in plain clothes ...


Independent siren
The peasant had a car siren with independent power.
Somewhere he and his friends got drunk. He couldn’t drive himself any more, the friends were taken to the garage to put the car, and the owner was put in the back seat. We arrived at the garages. Wheelbarrow muffled and began to open the garage. They opened the garage and did not start a wheelbarrow - there is a secret there. Tyrkat-tyrkalis until the alarm went off and the siren howled. The owner woke up in the backseat, the door opened and ran off with a fright.
Night. Cooperative garages. Siren screaming, one garage is open, the machine is alien. There is no master. The friends were scared that the cops would come - they would break it until they explained what was happening. And they began to turn off the siren. The hood was opened, and the wires were torn off from her - so she still screams, mean-spirited!
- And how is it over? - I ask them. And they are so embarrassed:
- We broke it off the car and buried it. She screamed out of the ground, but quietly. And then the owner returned Cost.