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HOROSCOPE OF HUMAN NUTS

Stubborn Aries (March 21 - April 20)

Упрямые Овны (21 марта - 20 апреля)

Men

Look at your friend Aries in the eyes carefully - a man has been exhausted for a long time ... Aries men love sex and are confident in their sexual professionalism. They go crazy in bed, if you, of course, have time to reach it. Having a lover Aries, get ready to copulate with him in the elevator, bus and in the cinema. Do not worry, because many consider Aries to be a paradise for the fair sex - they will break apart, trying to impress their woman. However, you should not joke over Aries - they don’t like it, and they have << special >> humor too. Own opinion of Aries on any (even a new acquaintance) subject will be defended to the last. Even if he knows that he is wrong, all the same, he will argue and swear out of principle. A failed loser is an eerie bore and a grumbler, stay away from them.

Women.
Educated women Sheep love to have sex, pushed around by men and read romantic porn. In bed, they like obscene poses and indecency out loud. In the morning, the Sheep can easily pretend that it was not at all she was crying yesterday during an orgasm, and indeed you are unfamiliar. In anger or resentment, she will commit any nonsense - including change with the first counter sympathetic. Moody like a child, sobbing and stomping his feet. At this moment, talking to her is useless. For the sake of good sex, the chaste Sheep will easily abandon the good man, but will tolerate the antics of some nerd, if only he fully satisfies her. Confident in their unwritten beauty, Ovenshi rarely abuse cosmetics. Wait for violent sexual upheavals, jealousy, adultery and intolerance, in general, you will not regret.

<< Navel of the Earth >> Taurus (April 21 - May 21)

<<Пуп Земли>> Телец (21 апреля - 21 мая)

Men
A Taurus man thinks to himself: "Unlike some, I can achieve everything and so, if I want to. Why was there anything to twitch?" >> "A sense of humor is not the price of these suspicious pessimists, because they often the objects of the jokes of their many friends.It’s good that Taurus is slow enough, stingy and boring to get angry at these fools. trophy seal he's lazy ts in front of the tele, slowly chewing or sipping, thoughtfully twisting his hair.

Women.
Contact a Taurus Woman? Give in or leave before it's too late! Her stubbornness you still can not overcome, and the scene with the smashing of dishes on your bad head is not far off. If you screwed up, then begging her forgiveness will not be easy. They themselves are sometimes scared to what extent they are bestial. However, between us, the Taurus of the female spill, as well as all of us, are not obsessive thoughts of sex, which they clumsily cover up with banal romantic tales. They are goal-oriented freeloaders, prudent and extremely “hard-nosed” in matters of the young lady’s family. In other words, if you would like to have a big strong family and a bunch of children, look for the Taurus Woman and get ready. I am sure you will be good together.

Fussy Twins (May 22 - June 20)

Суетливые Близнецы (22 мая - 20 июня)

Men
Twins are always hanging out from place to place, changing friends, professions, despising schedules. They love to powder people's brains, make porridge and mock. Self-conceit is at the highest level, although they can spend hours listing their shortcomings. Do not try to win a verbal battle with them - the language is perfectly suspended. Do not be offended by their evil jokes, all this is a solid circus - in fact, envious twins think about you much worse. As a true friend, Gemini will call you immediately when he needs your help or a car. Property slips through our fingers, the future is unreliable with them, but the present is funny. Beware if your partner is Gemini: if he is not with you now, then he will surely flirt with your girlfriend in the next room. After such a boyfriend, other men will long seem fresh to you.

Women.
Although the Twins in their youth and tend to sleep with just anyone, many men find them cold. With them you could fulfill your innermost dreams, if you would be able to fulfill a quarter of their fantasies. Their new ideas and eccentric antics can drive Capricorn or Taurus crazy. Although it is believed that spiritual intimacy and money for Twins is more important than sex, but she will gladly sleep with a peasant she likes (even if a husband or boyfriend sleeps in the next room). Like any ideal spouse, she always prefers Career to housekeeping. Rarely speaking the truth in the eyes, the Twins prefer to play and talk in half hints. The loss of a loved one or a loved one awakens her sports interest in getting him back. He knew a couple of twins, easily combining family, work, friends and a couple of lovers.

Doubtful Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Мнительный Рак (21 июня - 22 июля)

Men
Cancer is lazy, but erotic. Always with money, while whining that he does not have it. It is eloquent. Women are considered inferior, but they prefer young ones. Tends to be strongly attached to one and painfully experiencing a break (sometimes even a whole week). If it is contradicted, it can go berserk and even blush for a while with anger. No one is able to play such an offended << virtue >> when he is in fact guilty. He is able to easily get entangled in two pines himself and at the same time confuse everyone around him. Husband Cancer - ruined youth and no emotional impact. In general, good luck, ladies (and gentlemen?).

Women.
There is nothing more boring and weeping than the gentle Cancer Woman. If you feel sorry for her, then snot dissolve to the knees. Her excites the role of an innocent girl, which takes possession of a lecherous man. She is terrified of criticism, especially if they make fun of her. Just a hint of a lack of interest in it - and Rakini in a heap of such depressions that neither Pisces nor Scorpios dreamed. However, do not think that this is a weak woman - she is not only vindictive and touchy, but she also loves (and is able to) play on our weaknesses, dear! And it achieves considerable success in this matter. And yet, do not swear uselessly - in this case, you can achieve something only affection.

Jealous Lions (July 23 - August 22)

Ревнивые Львы (23 июля - 22 августа)

Men
The arrogant Leo is too generous to remember offenses or promises. After all, he is a real Man of the Word and will surely fulfill the promise (if, of course, he does not forget). Proud Leo does not like conflict, but has the talent to get involved in all sorts of modifications and stories. The worst thing that Leo can do is bark, and Happiness is for him to play casino for high stakes. In bed, he always tries to prove that he is the most tireless lover. Or maybe it is, think flattered red girls.

Women.
A conceited and domineering Lioness has an enviable talent to invent her own misfortunes. When her self-esteem is touched, she will not make evil plans of all kinds there, but will simply state at once what she thinks and of inflating about you. A lioness often falls in love with men who don’t care about her. Having felt love from the partner, she can ruthlessly throw it. The lioness modestly considers himself the center of the universe and her motto is simple: “You must come to me yourself”. Do not try to criticize the Lioness !!! You will be worse. Want to please? Buy her some expensive gold pot and tell her that she has a character (face) like an angel, that you don’t need anyone except her. Three or four days a week, the Lioness << is being loaded >> depressed, and at other times rightly imagines himself a gift of fate for you, my friend.

Pedantic Virgin (August 23 - September 22)

Педантичная Дева (23 августа - 22 сентября)

Men
Teaching and secretive Virgos do not usually show their emotions, even if they have them. Thinking that they have a sense of humor, they like to tell tales from their lives, which they then believe. Cpiana Virgo can cry about the first love, which, of course, was the strongest, real, and certainly unhappy. Luck that usually they do not become superiors. Woe to the poor fellows who have fallen into their submission, for in the head of the Virgin is a cash register, and they like to work only to the point of exhaustion. Women, be careful: the sweet-tempered Virgos know when and what to say to a woman, but this is only a manifestation of gallantry to the entire female sex in general, so do not flatter yourself. Further words are not usually the case. And Virgos love to pretend to be just friends, if something doesn't work out.

Women.
Among the stubborn and self-confident Virgos there are many unmarried women, as it is difficult for them to find a person who meets their highest standards. A Virgo woman is a disaster: she is usually wrong, and her favorite answer is an objection. The manic desire for cleanliness adorns the ever-present willingness to criticize you for your own good. However, Virgos are able to share the roof with idlers and losers, with whom not a single decent Twin would sit down at the table. Fantasy sex in the girls is not enough for more than three and a half postures, although you can persuade them to almost everything, thanks to the lack of complexes in this regard. Meet with the Virgin at least in order to get to know yourself from the outside.

Smiling Scales (September 23 - October 22)

Улыбчивые Весы (23 сентября - 22 октября)

Men
The phrase “the whole life of the theater, all the people in it are actors” said it was about Libra, who played even in complete solitude. The soft-bodied creatures of the Vesow's mark more easily penetrate complex abstractions than life. When things go wrong, they want to be petty and irritable. A woman who decides to stage a scene may consider the dispute won even before it began due to the disgust of Libra men for scandals. Even if he is right, he will not prove it, but rather he’s retiring, keeping his mental balance. It is strange that in the female environment there is a perception that male Libra is a continuous hemorrhoids. In terms of friendship, they are pretty cool, although women know better.

Women.
Women Libra are confident in their irresistible. At first, this is a thrill, but then it becomes boring ... Sexually-sexual activity over time affects Libra's nerves, since they are really excited in life only by applause and their own inconceivable beauty. Woman Scales are not interested in men as such, they need them only as admiring admirers and spectators. If the required is available, all our nonsense will be heard and sins are forgiven. Scales avoid unpleasant duties, considering it below their dignity, and require luxury. Do not try to order Scales, otherwise they become unpredictable and even dangerous. All their life they have been searching for a man who would be the ideal partner for them. I hope that this is you, colleague.

Treacherous Scorpions (October 23 - November 22)

Вероломные Скорпионы (23 октября - 22 ноября)

Men
The vindictive and narcissist Scorpion fights cruelly all his life, being active in sex until the deepest old age. Despising the snot wimps, he does not tolerate objections and excuses. Never cry in a vest. Knowing everything in advance, succeeds in any field, shoving whiners and uncertain kicks. Loyalty is an empty sound, although he always takes care of his unhappy family. He does not count money, but he remembers very well how many times they forgot to rejoice at his gift. To the pleasant features you can also add stubbornness and inability to reckon with other people's opinions. In the middle of life, Scorpions, men, men are usually noisily divorced from their weary wives. Enemies, do not hope for forgiveness! Only death or failure will save you from the evil Uncle Scorpio.

Women.
The insidious and mysterious Scorpio woman is lecherous and despises stingy gentlemen. The bedroom is demanding and it is difficult for lazy men to meet its high standards. She is not almond with a loser who left her unsatisfied, and one time (two or three) you are unlikely to get rid of her. It's funny that in the soul of Scorpios is absolutely sure that other women are zero in terms of sex compared to her. Therefore, she is furious when they change her, if only she does not give a damn. She will not hesitate to discourage a boyfriend or husband from a gaping friend. On any new personality, a reaction of the type: “Whose serf will you be?”. If you like thrills, please Scorpios. Her rage does not give in to any description — it must be seen.

Romantic Sagittarius (November 23 - December 20)

Романтические Стрельцы (23 ноября - 20 декабря)

Men
Assertive men-shooters are distinguished by a barracks sense of humor, terrible outbursts of irritation and the amazing medieval chivalry of our time. Women praise the passionate lovers of Streltsov for their sensitivity and ability to kindle the lights of a big city in a local bed. They actively despise women's jealousy and do not miss a single skirt - of any age, appearance and behavior. Sagittarius likes to talk on high topics and adore black clothes. They seldom drink, mostly they drink and eat, and in their old age they write memoirs from cover to cover.

Women.
Woman-Sagittarius - Casanova in a skirt, carelessly passing from one man to another. She is vain and considers herself a sexual gift to a man. Without shame, she will tell her lover about his predecessors, and, disappointed in him, he will not hesitate to say so. It's funny that men, as a rule, cheat on them with terrible force. A Sagittarius woman is a dream of a romance or a pervert, because she is what a man sees her, if she, of course, wants it.

Ambitious bores Capricorns (December 21 - January 20)

Амбициозные зануды Козероги (21 декабря - 20 января)

Men
The Capricorn man is ambitious, but lustful, petty, and incredibly boring. He rightly considers all women to be lecherous and actively prefers anal sex. Sure that he knows life is 100 times better, he soars our brains for hours, teaching us how and what to do. He is illegible in means, intolerant of frivolity, hates when he is denied and a real fan in the work. Capricorn believes that the main goal of others is the desire to complicate his already difficult life. If he is seriously offended by someone, this worthless little man will be permanently removed from the lists. FOREVER AND EVER. If you are lucky, you are sure to marry by calculation. It is funny that with all their “merits”, Capricorns are excellent friends. No fools.

Women.
The complexed Capricorus is careful and outwardly always keeps himself in hand, while the fire of her passions burns inside. She is never bored with herself. You will not understand it because of constant fluctuations of mood - either all or nothing - this is such a simple choice. She is terribly afraid of falling in love, looking forward to the present feelings, but often makes mistakes in choosing. “I have to be myself!” - Madame Capricorn replies to herself miserably and prudently. After numerous love affairs, she finally gets married, but she will never be fully satisfied. At times, you hate them and under the fire of their kind criticism you are slowly going crazy. It is believed that this is the only female sign, not susceptible to conviction at all.

Funny Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Смешной Водолей (21 января - 18 февраля)

Men
Men of this sign are shy from a sexual perspective and usually wait for women to take the first step. They say that in bed they do not know the basic things, so that the young ladies have to strain and learn the gadget-Aquarius. Their sexual fantasies do not climb into any gate, but the energy burns in masturbation, and if they are lucky, in simple onanism. Incredulous depressive nerds, they are always saddened by something, they like clothes more than women, they do not really strive for the heights of erotic art, sniff and groan a lot in bed, believing that this is how it should be. Interestingly, the sense of humor in Aquarius dominates all others, and then helps them out in such a seemingly unsuccessful situation.

Women.
Aquarius women are wicked but quick-tempered. They hate it when strangers look at them as an object of sexual desire, but erotica is present for them everywhere, even in the way you give her a coat. If you are with her for the first time today, it is unlikely that the affair will end in bed, but the best FRIEND for a peasant (practically anyone) simply WILL NOT BE. If it really sucks, she will give and does not even ask who you are and where are you from. Aquarius do not object to men's affairs and can easily work as plumbers, chauffeurs, if the need forces them, but, oddly enough, they do not like to manage, and especially to cook. They are all their lives in search of a flawless companion and often marry late, and the nationality, skin color and religion of her chosen one can be overwhelming even for herself. Of all his colorful wardrobe he prefers jeans.

Slippery Fish (February 19 - March 20)

Скользкие Рыбы (19 февраля - 20 марта)

Men
Embittered men of this sign do not like those who come to them with advice. Due to the lack of firm beliefs and secrecy, it is not clear to anyone how they actually relate to people and life (and are they at all?). Everyday things (for example, tying shoelaces) seem to Rybtsy tormenting duties. Before they move a finger, they can plunge into long reflections. It is believed that the sly fish men are good gentlemen who can show a woman how beautiful she is.

Women.
Women-fishes live in the world of illusions and incessant chatter, putting up with the constant feeling that they have been betrayed. Они нежные сексуальные партнеры, но по чти всегда со <<скелетом в шкафу>>. Не врите Рыбинам - у них сумасшедшая интуиция. Окружающие - открытая книга, и у Рыб отличное чувство юмора по поводу их проблем. Равнодушны к алкоголю, но все равно пьют, хотя и мнительны, и вечно трясутся за свое здоровье.