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Driving Instructors Pearls

Drive around the park on the right. Right, I said !!! On right!!! Okay, go around on the left. Left!!!! Well, the park did not submit to us today ...
Handbrake again forgot to lower !!! One more time you will not lower it - it will not rise again !!! (drove for about a kilometer)
Who are we missing? !!! Who are we missing? !!! We don’t miss anyone !!! Come on, come on!
That he should have given way to us !!! Come on, shy away in his direction lightly, let him know how to shy away!
Do you have a pedal war or long sex ???
Where are you looking? !!! Where are you looking? !!! Stop then watch !!!
Turn right! We’ll go through another circle ... I haven’t considered one woman. Don’t drive like that, she won’t reach the metro, she won’t have time ...
Let's go, green already !!! Let's go ... Neutral, ignition ... Let's move! He’s yelling at you, by the way ...
No one has ever broken this thing before you, you are the first ...
What kind of clown is this ?! Che is he here? !!! Found where to stand!
Drive him !!! What does a car without a driver mean ??? Of course, without a driver !!! While you drove him, he had already left a long time !!!
(passing a minor accident) That's it, here it is, your death! So you’ll kill yourself! Remember this picture! (3 times)
What sign have passed? No, no stop is prohibited ... No, no restriction ... No, no turn is prohibited ... Which? I already forgot which ...
Where did you go? And why?!!! Come out! Come out, I tell you! Where did you go ??? Call back !!! All late! Arrived !!! Start up ...

Phrases of Russian commentators at the Olympics

- about Pavarotti: "the best theaters in the world tear it to pieces"
- about the differences between the Irish and Italian flags: "more orange tint of the red strip"
- "skiing invented an insane amount of millennia ago"
- speaks Yoko Ono. commentator with pathos: "it is insanely sorry that John is not with us !!"
- about the organization of the ceremony: "Italians have a wind in their head, but there were even rehearsals"
- "who said that there are no problems in Italy? but as many as you want!"
- "what would it all mean?"
- about the athlete from Senegal: "we wish him to cope with the distance and reach the finish line"
- "Holland is the channels covered with ice!"
- "they have the Dragon Mountains there, I felt them with my own hands"
- "Italy and Russia are close by characters and culture"
- "... and the snowy country of Spain." a long pause "..in the Pyrenees it is enough, but"
- "Italians - Wizards Waving Professionally"
- "Russia also took an active part in preparing this discovery, how much Russian gas was burned ..."
Extracts from applications to the insurance company

Your computer attributed to me one child. But I don’t have children. From your computer and even more so!
After which the persecuted jumped into the water, and, despite repeated demands, no longer surfaced.
The pedestrian coming down the sidewalk silently disappeared under my car.
I have never left the scene before the arrival of the police. I was always taken away ...
After that he lay with a nervous breakdown and a severe castration ...
When I tried to call into my garage, I crashed into a tree, which usually does not stand there ...
I can’t say who stole my wallet, since none of my relatives were around ....
Your arguments do not convince me! Look for someone dumber for them, and you won’t find it!
My son didn’t cross a pedestrian, apparently blown away by the wind ....
We have no income with the death of the mother-in-law the last cattle left the yard ....
I thought my window was open, but found that it was closed when I tried to stick my head out.
The truck handed back through my windshield and right into my wife's face.
Metal Detector Assistant Sergeant
Slangs come and go, but the mat remains
Earth is not only the cradle of humanity, but also its grave
There are women who are not getting married, citing the search for the perfect man. In most cases, such an ideal is a man who would like to marry her
Get drunk before losing your cell phone
Life is like toilet paper: as long, gray and all in the ass
For one beaten 15 days give
Around the world, a popular car is Volkswagen. In Russia it is a bus
It’s good where we are!
The bladder worked like a clock - but unfortunately without an alarm
Hello! Remember, we called yesterday, we stole the password from the Internet. You blocked us. So, now everything is fine, the attackers returned the password, please unlock us
Pig head
In order to avoid death, you can give life
Most of all in a woman I value 3 virtues: face and chest
Decrepit - the third half of life
We are responsible for those to whom we pour
Women are the best of nature's mistakes
I understood how deep massage specialists work - in other words, sadists (R. Bandler)
The most reliable way to protect against unwanted pregnancy is a good blow to the balls.
Do not crap here! It stinks a lot! You come and go, and we stay here! Walls ... (real inscription in the university toilet)
Better to make love with love than to make love with difficulty
Fate can avenge us for our sins, memory - for the fact that they were few
Love is like lunch: a woman first serves cold, then hot ...
Once upon a time, when the Earth was flat and the jokes were round, Odysseus mocked the Cyclops with one-eyed beasts, bringing them glasses and binoculars as a gift
Often women reproach men for being rare
Tale: An old man came to the shore of the blue sea, threw a grandmother into the sea and healed happily!
A person who does not read anything is more educated than someone who does not read anything except newspapers (Thomas Jefferson)
It turns out that in addition to obscene words, there are also indecent!
How to find out that a blonde says stupidity? Her lips begin to move

Pechkin: << This is why I used to be angry? Because I didn’t have a bicycle. And now, when the scooter was stolen from me, I’ll just kill you! >>
Marriage is the most expensive way to do laundry
You can easily make a small fortune on the exchange if you bring a lot with you!
The thickness of the sliced ​​sausage is directly proportional to the welfare of the slicer.
The difference between literature and journalism is about the same as between love and prostitution.
The more I look in the mirror, the more I believe Darwin!
Marriage is a form of sexual perversion, in which one feels the need to give up years of life, health and money in exchange for disrespect and denial of sex.
Fortune smiles at those whom Themis does not notice.
The harder the job, the easier it is to get it
To wear glasses, it’s not enough to be smart, you still need to see poorly.
Democracy is a beautiful interface to the shitty algorithm.
What distinguishes female logic from male logic: male logic is correct, and female logic is more interesting.
Do not repeat the mistakes of your parents use condoms.
Itself floats into the hands of only that which does not sink.
Globe - stuffed earth
Sclerosis is a wonderful disease! Nothing hurts and every day - news ....
A smile is a curve that straightens everything!
A side effect of treatment is .... recovery.
A politician is a subject whose conscience is in a contraceptive state.
Gnaw the granite of science to quench the thirst for knowledge? Strange ....
It turns out interesting - a man has been trying to get out of the female body for nine months, and then all his life he has been trying to climb back.
Want to sit on your neck - spread your legs!
The inscription in the public toilet: "Rinse off regardless of the goals and achieved results."
Money ends now begins, then begins to end.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease that is 100% fatal.
If a person has nothing to be proud of, then he is proud of his mind, spiritual qualities and good taste.
Chefs hide their mistakes under the sauce, builders under the facade, and the doctor and .... underground.
It is necessary to drink in moderation so as not to drink less.
An ugly woman is always difficult to make ends meet ....
It’s harmful to live - they die from it.
Either life is beautiful, or am I a masochist ....
Love is not evil - there are many goats.
He who has invested his whole soul in a woman is often a deceived investor.
You are a little naive if you are sure that the best gift for a woman is a book.
- you think that the surname Kitdrosser may be someone’s pseudonym.
- meeting a vagabond in a liquor store who was given money for medicine five minutes ago, you think you have overlooked him.
- sincerely advise the owner of the 600th Mercedes to switch in order to save on gas.
- hope that the zebra has at least one white stripe more.
- you think that they will notice you, even if you do nothing wrong to anyone.
- sending the Riddle dumplings into your mouth, think about something good.
- in each person you see a friend, and in each other a person.
- are sure that you will never become a victim of scammers, because you are smart and educated.
- crossing the street to the green light, you feel safe.
- You think that traffic cops are checking your first-aid kit because they are worried about your health.
- going to a meeting with old friends, you hope that you will drink a little, because everyone will work tomorrow.
- sure that from two evils you always choose the lesser.
- you think that a woman will do everything right if she is well explained.
- go to the polls because you are afraid that the wrong people will come to power.
- coming again to the doctor two days later, you believe that he remembers you.
- are sure that in an extreme situation you will behave, at least as a hero.
- when your wife gives you a look at the catalog of fur clothes, you think that she just wants to give you aesthetic pleasure.
- You think that you can agree with cockroaches in a good way.
- hope that everything said in the toasts at your birthday is related to you.

Statements by Swedish children


Nothing can be done about how you look - only Allah is responsible for this. (Hassan, 6 years old)
A gynecologist is one who is not very versed in the throat of people. (Erland, 6 years old)
Grandmothers usually have very large bras. They are so big that I have the whole priest and both knees fit in one. And in the other - my younger brother. (Katya, 7 years old)
Farmers are always immediately happy when it smells of poop. (Ulle, 6 years old)
It’s not necessary to get married in a church. You can get married in a social office. Or you can just live together without telling anyone. The main thing is to know it yourself. (Marie, 7 years old)
When you marry, you can’t laugh. And you can’t say no. (Catherine, 6 years old)
If you don’t want to be married anymore, because your husband turned out to be dumber than you thought, then you can divorce as friends. (Marie, 7 years old)
It’s not necessary to marry anyone. It is also not necessary to strip naked. (Lynn, 7 years old)
When they get married, they promise a silence. And if it is not restrained, then you need to get a divorce and then divide the chandeliers and knives and usually you can not decide who will get the children. Those who cannot decide should contact a stockbroker. He decides that one will get the children and then the other will get the dining table. (Regina, 7 years old)
It is bad when pregnant women have egg liqueur in their urine. (Tove, 9 years old)
Old aunts like to look at naked uncles. They just do not want to admit it when they are asked. (Tone, 7 years old)
Women have a figure, and men have a briefcase. (Björn, 7 years old)
Women are made of egg tubes, and they think more. (Siri, 6 years old)
Men have several front parts on the body. (Julia, 6 years old)
A man never stops producing cells, but he also reaches a certain age. It is called the age of panic. (Stina, 9 years old)
A caesarean section is when a child is cut out through an emergency exit. (Martina, 6 years old)
"Do not rush, otherwise you will have time." Alexander Lebed
And why didn’t Russians invent a personal computer? After all, all his devices communicate with each other only by mother.
The most contagious virus on the Internet is the Internet itself!
The most assimilable, high-calorie and healthy foods are free products.
Anesthesia is a means of protecting the surgeon from the advice of the patient during surgery.
Opponents of humanism - to the gallows!
As soon as I find you, you will find yourself married to a widow.
All the great people lived a little .... So something is unhealthy for me ....
Greed is not a vice, but a necessity ....
Another day was a waste of makeup ....
The bullet is not a sparrow, you can’t fly out.
Eternal youth is possible, only in the mausoleum.
We will live - we will see .... We will live - we will know .... I will survive - I will consider.
One-eyed motto: "Better to be with one eye than with one hemisphere."
The difference between a child and an adult is that the child seeks happiness, and the adult avoids misfortune.
A honeymoon is the time from "I want" to "You should."
If you add the dark past to the bright future, you get a gray present.
From hate to love, just one glass!
My left Faberge was combing.
If only good things speak of you, then you are a dead man.
Before you compliment a girl, figure out how to get rid of her later.
There is always no place in life!
Weak age - when nothing rises except temperature.
Married beautiful - turned out to be smart
Truth does not always triumph in a dispute; more often, more difficult arguments do it.
Not everything is a wife who swears
The director is the same person as everyone else, only he does not know about it.
You can’t love sit and be friends.
Milk is doubly tastier if it is pure alcohol.
If your plugs often burn out, check what is poured into the bottle.
The main thing is not to cross the street to the other world!
A woman is like a calculator: it adds problems, takes time, multiplies expenses and shares property.
Your friends are shortsighted only in assessing historical events, but you should ask them for a loan of 100 rubles, as they hit you with extraordinary farsightedness.
I am absolutely sure that only fools can be absolutely sure of something.
Men are terrible egoists - they only love themselves in a woman, while women love men - in themselves.
In a woman, as in a fairy tale, there must be a good end ....
Better to seem weakly intelligent than to be very dead. Fly with greetings, come back smart.
Without a woman - as without hands. But with hands - as with a woman!
Most people value friendships only in terms of benefits. Ovid
While you are happy, you have many friends; when times are darkened, you are left alone. Ovid
Penguins are gluttonous swallows.
One has only to want and any woman will be at your feet. The main thing is to hit the jaw!
If your lover left you yesterday, drop him the day before yesterday.
Men only drink in 3 cases .... When it’s good - from joy, when it’s bad - from grief, and when everything is fine - from boredom ....
Diplomacy is the art of shitting someone’s soul so that he has a light aftertaste of wild berries in his mouth ....
There will be everything that you can’t ....
From enthusiasm to masturbation, one step ....
Whatever the scientist is working on, the result is always a weapon.
Kamikaze always ask for a salary in advance.
The more a girl is late, the more she is a girl.
When in the hands of a hammer, everything seems to be nails.
An autopsy showed - the corpse was asleep!
A woman who thinks that the path to the man’s heart lies through the stomach marks too high.
If you only have a coffee table from furniture items at home, this does not mean that you are a journalist, it means that you are an alcoholic.
When God handed out brains, all athletes were in training ....
If a woman quickly surrendered to a man, this is not his merit, but all the men that she had before.
If you argue with an idiot - probably he does the same thing ....
The lowest prices are not at the dealer, but at the watchman.
I do not like it when they stick to me like flies. I’m not starting to feel that way.
The sight is also someone’s point of view ....
Dance is a vertical expression of horizontal desire.
Spring .... First knees make their way through skirts ....
If you have sex, it does not mean that someone loves someone.
How much we ate at a time, only the toilet knows.
At the World Championship in Women's Logic, the random number generator defeated by a large margin.
Russian national holiday - freebie.
Half of our youth is concerned .... the other half.
Fly with greetings, come back smart.

Without a woman - as without hands. But with hands - as with a woman!

Most people value friendships only in terms of benefits. Ovid

While you are happy, you have many friends; when times are darkened, you are left alone. Ovid

Penguins are gluttonous swallows.

One has only to want and any woman will be at your feet. The main thing is to hit the jaw!

If your lover left you yesterday, drop him the day before yesterday.

Men only drink in 3 cases .... When it’s good - from joy, when it’s bad - from grief, and when everything is fine - from boredom ....

Diplomacy is the art of shitting someone’s soul so that he has a light aftertaste of wild berries in his mouth ....

There will be everything that you can’t ....

From enthusiasm to masturbation, one step ....

Whatever the scientist is working on, the result is always a weapon.

Kamikaze always ask for a salary in advance.

The more a girl is late, the more she is a girl.

When in the hands of a hammer, everything seems to be nails.

An autopsy showed - the corpse was asleep!

A woman who thinks that the path to the man’s heart lies through the stomach marks too high.

If you only have a coffee table from furniture items at home, this does not mean that you are a journalist, it means that you are an alcoholic.

When God handed out brains, all athletes were in training ....

If a woman quickly surrendered to a man, this is not his merit, but all the men that she had before.

If you argue with an idiot - probably he does the same thing ....

The lowest prices are not at the dealer, but at the watchman.

I do not like it when they stick to me like flies. I’m not starting to feel that way.

The sight is also someone’s point of view ....

Dance is a vertical expression of horizontal desire.

Spring .... First knees make their way through skirts ....

If you have sex, it does not mean that someone loves someone.

How much we ate at a time, only the toilet knows.

At the World Championship in Women's Logic, the random number generator defeated by a large margin.

Russian national holiday - freebie.

Half of our youth is concerned .... the other half.

Members of the German Olympic team, set off for the Winter Olympic Games in Turin, fully armed. Each athlete’s baggage contains Go for Gold condoms, released in a limited edition.
The packaging is decorated with a picture in which a golden condom occupies the top step of the podium.
Focus, Luggage Condoms
Пролог - одна из наиболее распространённых русских старопечатных книг, сборник легенд, сказаний, житий святых, поучений, расположенных по дням церковного года, с 1 сентября по 31 августа. The prologue is one of the most common Russian old printed books, a collection of legends, legends, saints' lives, teachings, located on the days of the church year, from September 1 to August 31.
Дифирамб – собственно, культовое прозвище Диониса. Dithyramb - in fact, the cult nickname of Dionysus. Впоследствии слово стало обозначать торжественную песнь в честь бога или героя. Subsequently, the word began to mean a solemn song in honor of a god or a hero. Она пелась под аккомпанемент главным образом флейты. She was sung to the accompaniment of mainly flutes.
Иштар (перс. Истар, ивр. Ашторет, греч. Астарта, Анунит, Нана) — в аккадской мифологии (вавилоно-ассирийская мифология) богиня плодородия и плотской любви, войны и распри, астральное божество, олицетворение планеты Венера; Ishtar (Persian Istar, Hebrew. Ashtoret, Greek. Astarte, Anunit, Nana) - in Akkadian mythology (Babylonian-Assyrian mythology), the goddess of fertility and carnal love, war and strife, an astral deity, the personification of the planet Venus; ассоциируется день недели пятница. associates the day of the week Friday. Соответствует шумерской Инанне. Corresponds to the Sumerian Inanna. Иштар считалась покровительницей проституток. Ishtar was considered the patroness of prostitutes.
Материал из Википедии — свободной энциклопедии From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Белые голуби были посвящены Иштар. White doves were dedicated to Ishtar. Персы считали их носителями проказы. The Persians considered them carriers of leprosy.
Американское законодательство запрещает дарить сенаторам подарки, стоимость которых превышает 50 долларов. US law prohibits giving senators gifts worth more than $ 50.
Гигантский динозавр с челюстями, как у крокодила, признан самым большим из всех хищников, когда-либо живших на Земле. A giant dinosaur with jaws, like a crocodile, is recognized as the largest of all predators that have ever lived on Earth. Он отодвинул на третье место тиранозавра и на второе – гигантозавра, который раньше носил титул самого крупного хищника. He moved the tyrannosaurus to third place and the giantosaurus to the second, which used to be the largest predator.
Спинозавр, останки которого были обнаружены недавно, был длиной 56 футов (17,1 метра) и весил 8 тонн. The spinosaurus, whose remains were recently discovered, was 56 feet (17.1 meters) long and weighed 8 tons. На его фоне все остальные крупные плотоядные выглядели карликами. Against this background, all the other large carnivores looked dwarfs.
Это страшное чудище обитало в болотах, трясинах и на топких берегах рек в Сахаре в меловом периоде – около 100 млн лет назад. This terrible monster lived in swamps, bogs and on the swampy banks of the rivers in the Sahara in the Cretaceous period - about 100 million years ago. Исследование его останков выявило необычную для большого хищника особенность – большая часть его рациона состояла из рыбы. A study of his remains revealed an unusual feature for a large predator - most of his diet consisted of fish.
Озеро Виктория второе во величине пресноводное озеро в мире занимает площадь почти в 70 тысяч квадратных километров. Lake Victoria is the second largest freshwater lake in the world, covering an area of ​​almost 70 thousand square kilometers. Из него берет свое начало река Нил, кроме того, озеро знаменито своей уникальной фауной. The Nile River originates from it, in addition, the lake is famous for its unique fauna. В частности, в нем, как и 300 миллионов лет назад, обитает рыба ланг. In particular, it, like 300 million years ago, is inhabited by lang fish. Она может вдыхать и задерживать воздух в жабрах, как в лёгких. She can inhale and trap air in her gills, as in her lungs. Это редчайшая рыба является связующим звеном между обычными рыбами и наземными животными. This rare fish is the link between ordinary fish and land animals.
Среди племен, расселенных на Андаманских островах, есть люди-негрито, которые считаются самыми древними жителями планеты. Among the tribes settled on the Andaman Islands, there are Negro people who are considered the most ancient inhabitants of the planet. Негрито - обобщенное обозначение людей негритосского типа меланезийской расы, азиатских и австралийских пигмеев, их средний рост - менее 150 см. Негритос, что означает "маленькие негры", назвали их испанцы. Negro is a generalized designation of people of the Negro type of the Melanesian race, Asian and Australian pygmies, their average height is less than 150 cm. Negritos, which means "little blacks," the Spaniards called them.
В 2005 году компания AOL блокировала в среднем 1,5 миллиарда спамовых сообщений в сутки. In 2005, AOL blocked an average of 1.5 billion spam messages per day. Около 8 сообщений из 10 были расценены серверами компании как спам и отклонены. About 8 messages out of 10 were regarded by the company's servers as spam and rejected.
Первая программа на русском языке радио "Освобождение", вскоре получившее название радио "Свобода", вышла в эфир 1 марта 1953 года. The first Russian-language program of the Liberation Radio, soon known as Radio Liberty, was aired on March 1, 1953. Вскоре начались передачи на многих языках народов СССР. Soon broadcasts began in many languages ​​of the peoples of the USSR.
Ученые из французского национального института демографических исследований полагают, что в 2050 году население будет составлять 8-9 млрд человек. Scientists from the French National Institute for Demographic Research believe that in 2050 the population will be 8-9 billion people.
Сардонический (от греч. sardonios - язвительный, презрительный), злобно-насмешливый, язвительный. Sardonic (from the Greek. Sardonios - caustic, contemptuous), viciously mocking, caustic.
Итатси - японский колонок. Itatsi - Japanese speakers. Распространение на Дальнем Востоке. Distribution in the Far East. Эндемик островов Хонсю, Сикоку и Кюсю. Endemic to the islands of Honshu, Shikoku and Kyushu. В ХIХ-ХХ вв. In the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. случайно проник на о.Хоккайдо. accidentally entered Hokkaido. В 1932 г. намеренно интродуцирован на о.Сахалин (4), где впоследствии широко расселился на его южной половине. In 1932, it was intentionally introduced to Sakhalin Island (4), where it subsequently spread widely in its southern half. До середины 70-х годов являлся объектом охотничьего промысла. В настоящее время о. Сахалин является единственным местом на территории РФ, где, возможно, сохранились разрозненные очаги обитания итатси. Основной ареал находится в Японии.