This page has been robot translated, sorry for typos if any. Original content here.

My Blog: Aphorisms funny pearls stories joke jokes

For complete happiness, I would like to survive ...
Two negatives make an affirmative. Therefore, if you are trying to mix with shit, just shit on it
I read the Constitution, the word came to mind - constitution. Yet it brings forth righteous shades of meaning. And the expression political alignment perfectly characterizes the present politician.
A woman is like an expensive mobile phone. It is a lot of turns, and function only one
14-year-old girl will meet with a young man for the treatment and prevention of acne ...
We are for the attitude towards animals!
If the young man offered you a hand and heart, you have the right to ask: "Is that all ?!"
Pinocchio slept with the Chock .... I picked up the bark beetles ....
Oh, do not judge me by neckline!
My husband does not drink, does not smoke, washes, strokes, washes dishes ... This is not a husband, but just some kind of wife!
Doctors do not recommend listening to a brass band lying and surrounded by relatives.
In the Japanese national cuisine, a new dish with the name "USSR" has appeared. This is one sixth of the land.
I bought washable wallpaper myself. The third day in the bath I can not get. Wash themselves
Medicine took such a step forward that it left far behind our health.
A couple after sex: - Well, here we are down-and-out people ...
Bastard - a state of mind ...
Specific gravity - a substance that appears from fear and makes all pants
In one thing, we have no right to complain about our life - it does not hold anyone (Seneca)
Wanted to be a great swindler, and became a minor dirty dog
Announcement in a patriotic newspaper: "Slavic cabinet is not for sale!"
It is necessary to vote so that then it was not painfully painful. I have never succeeded ...
Never mix vodka with beer. Beer will call you to the toilet, and vodka will make it impossible to get there
It is equally difficult for a woman to keep silence
Life is the only competition with people around you, when you want to reach the finish line as late as possible ...
Take the first grade
Just not fulfilled desire does not bring disappointment
According to the military registration and enlistment office, the average Russian conscript is a gay Hare Krishna, suffering from flatfoot
You spin like a protein in a meat grinder ...
Opening ballot boxes will show ...
Werewolf Nadia turns into a log at night!
Announcement in a supermarket: << Free cheese - in the department of household goods >>
You are mistaken so deeply that you are mistaken even at the expense of the depth of your delusion.
Artist of large and small contracts
Hope for guys - but don't make it yourself!
Experiment on cats! (Pavlov's Dog)
15 years of family life taught Ivanova a long time to do without a woman
Interesting fact: Many girls are ashamed of yellow bloom on their teeth. But at the same time, they walk calmly with their big legs!
A unique operation recently performed by a bull terrier Rex. Now he is not the owner, and the mistress
Most difficult to nudists in Antarctica
The thoughts of the guinea pig in the laboratory: "But they would not have done this with polar bears ..."
Freedom is not in the absence of commitment, but in the ability to choose who is best carried before them
Help, good people, who is not joking
If the sport were useful, then 5 Jews would hang on each horizontal bar
In a large family, characteristic clicks were heard ...
The war has a non-child face of Caucasian nationality.
Late Piglet - tit near the ass
Good - little by little ...
I was ready to give my life for love, but she took only cash
From confidence to self-confidence just one glass!
Papa Carlo knocked out Pinocchio
Anniversary is a funeral rehearsal
The new secretary sucked well in our friendly team
The secret of success in life is associated with honesty and decency. If you do not have these qualities - success is guaranteed!
If the egg prepared for you, the yolk is not exactly in the middle of the protein - it means that for your wife you are no longer what you used to be
Yet there is a marriage that can make a man happy is the marriage of his daughter
Happiness is when you think that you were killed, and you just tore off your leg
I'll give you, but much later
If a woman has enough money, then she lacks imagination.
Family life is good because it is given more than once.
Vibroclism - combine business with pleasure!
All people are like people, I am one all good
Until now, I thought that I have only two paths to her heart. But this night I unexpectedly discovered one more ... (from correspondence with readers << Speed-Info >>)
I am very shy to go to concerts. There I begin to blush, scream, yell something unintelligible, absurdly move and twitch! (Merlin Manson)
The weak do not make history; they often cannot even read it (Jorge Angel Livraga) If all the doors are open for you, this does not mean that everyone is ready to sit in a draft because of you
The most stupid man commits, proving that he is the most intelligent
74 years old didn’t remove litter from the hut, but scoops were to blame. Last Friday, Ukrainian scientists found a previously unknown reason
For happiness you need a lot. For misfortune, nonsense is enough. The meeting proposed an agenda: 1. Accountant Ivanenko criticizes the director. 2. Farewell to Ivanenko, an accountant ...
Installation and warranty service horns
It is foolish to try to have time to explain something in words in the intervals between blows to the face - it turns out vaguely and you often have to repeat
The opinion that a cow gives us milk and meat is ERROR! Both are taken away from her without asking!
With such a face do not wear a mini-skirt!
Send sms with the text "Where are you?" to any number at 4 o'clock in the morning - and get a funny rhyme on your mobile phone
A man is not a cactus - he needs to drink!
Even a light bulb was eaten from the fridge.
"I'll think about it" - the official name of cowardice
Never pick your nose with your middle finger - snot take offense!
A woman took off the burqa in order to put on the mask of an electric welder
If it's too much, you have to do it.
An experienced psychotherapist is looking for work. Looking for a pancake, the third month. What a country! All goats and freaks. I hate everyone! Call, creature!
For such an opinion, your teeth should be twice as large ...
To fight forest fires in the Moscow region, it was decided to hold a grand beer festival
Non-alcoholic beer - only for non-alcoholic!
Family row: he - everybody, she - everybody
He lived a long, happy life and died one day.
Having sex with everyone in the same office is not desirable.
In another monastery with its pentagram do not go ...
Tombstone inscription: << The bus driver turned out to be a charlatan >>
Sometimes the only thing you can do is make a mistake.
Smart people adapt to life, and fools adapt life to themselves
One therapist is 1024 gigapevt, or 1048576 megapevts
It was quiet all around, as if everyone had died out ... What a beauty!
The sundial ticked loudly in the room.
If you are so honest, then why is your mug so contented?
“Send him only for death,” the friends joked. Get on with it. Brought ...
Finnish vodka in a warm company is much better than warm vodka in a Finnish company.
My new secretary is almost blond. Black hair - but DUUUUURAAAAAAAA ...
In a critical situation, I call my muscle mass as an ally ...
Even Pushkin said that when the cat goes to the left, always with this tale says
The wife tried the fat absorber and disappeared
For everything that she has done for me in this life, in a democratic society they put me on an electric chair ...
It is foolish to dance to someone else's tune, not counting over time to become its owner (M. Gen)
If a man knew how to live, he would never die
You can give up wealth at any time - but not poverty (T. Fuller)
I walk past the military registration and enlistment office with my head held high moronic
There is a lot of mystery and incomprehensible in the world, and the more I do boxing, the more mysterious and incomprehensible for me
Stupidity gets ahead to be seen, the mind gets behind to see (C. Silva)
Girls, shooting eyes, do not drop the wounded
Death pulled him from our ranks. Then - vomited her
People consider themselves unique and believe in collective horoscopes.
If your hands are golden, it doesn't matter where they grow from
If we admit that there are two misfortunes in Russia - fools and roads, then ice is the mockery of the second misfortune over the first
Never eat the last patty from the pan: you will not fill one patty, and you will have to wash the empty pan
Pimp = wagman
Sometimes success is not important, but to at least not fucked
Our meat processing plant has begun to produce new dumplings without soy and meat substitutes. Now with soybean substitutes!
Easy on wake
Themis la comedy
You should not be too arrogant. All cemeteries are clogged with people who believed that there was no one to replace them (R. Zelazny)
My tie is just a pointer to where you need to go.
Design without intent is considered fiction.
Time, it only goes for a long time, and passes quickly.
Someday, the person who predicted the end of the world will be glorified. For 15 minutes
Distance is not a physical thing, but a metaphysical one. A kilometer to the store for bread is far away, and behind the second bubble - within reach (M. Hafizov)
Many cellular subscribers still believe that their operator is called "Network Search" ...
As one plumber used to say, clearing the sewer, "This is for you, boy, not to dig on the Internet ..."
The less you think, the more like-minded
George Bush was furious to learn that the whole world uses Arabic numerals.
Life is a struggle: either with alcoholism or with sexual desires.
Fight, search, find and sign!
And a member of the government is sweet and pleasant to us!
Windws translated Goblin ...
A young girl dreams to change the name, marital status and husband
I often left my halo in a brothel
Those who have spent their time on the zone are invited to extend the term of his stay on a contract basis.
If trouble came alone, then she would have failed
Yeah! Lo-sos swam there
Long live the Last Judgment is the most humane court in the world!
When smart clever, fools fool them
Loving a woman for free is more pleasant. But more expensive
40 years Moses drove the Jews in the desert ... It was the only time the Jews were led ...
In the hut with Milenko paradise, if he bought the whole edge
Everything comes on time for those who wait.
Whiskas cat - the best food for your dog
Tell me how to win laziness and I will change this world beyond recognition
My wife has a twin sister. It seems to be the same, but the character is completely different: it does not scream because of all sorts of trivialities, and does not force the shelves in the bathroom ... (from correspondence with readers << Speed-Info >>)
Have you ever met an unfortunate idiot?
Friends can be fake, and enemies are always real.
Necha on a broom to blame, if the floor is not met.
Pushkin: "And I was there, honey - drank beer, flowed through my mustache, and did not get into my mouth." The fans came running and began to lick, lick, lick from Pushkin.
Humanity is laughing parting with its past and crying with its future
The enemy of my enemy is my enemy!
Maniac was offered a choice of a million dollars or an electric chair, but he refused. Pure, uncomplicated soul!
I read the Constitution, the word came to mind - constitution. Yet it brings forth righteous shades of meaning. And the expression political politician perfectly characterizes the present politician.
In the hands of the executioner the lash gushes like a tongue wit. Bo executioner eat wit cases.
Is it possible to spoil a tar barrel with a spoon of honey? In general, is it possible to spoil a barrel with a spoon?
The difference between a diamond and a diamond: A diamond is organic and a diamond is limited.
The war has a non-child face of Caucasian nationality.
A masterpiece is an awareness of the perfection of the beautiful, given to us in sensations.
Chain "Logic - rhetoric - fight with fists". In the opposite direction, it usually does not work. And the word rhetoric can be replaced by the word hysterical. The meaning remains the same.
The logic ends where they begin to draw parallels between non-isomorphic systems. From this moment begins the rhetoric (hysterics).
Expression: Google google.
Option gravestone inscriptions: The bus driver was a charlatan.
I read: "my mother died a week before my birth," instead of "my mother died a week before my birthday," and I somehow felt uneasy.
An optimist is one who scatters stones, and a pessimist is one who collects them.
Beat the fish on the ice.
Carve out marble.
74 years did not endure dirty linen in public, but the scoops were to blame.
In Tula with his samovar, the same as in Tambov with his wolf.
Announcement: antique books on programming are sold.
Philosophy gives a person what he loses by doing it.
It is noticed that the critical days will bring you much more joy if they start just during the pregnancy test
Condoms do not tear - they burst with pleasure
Picture: << Ivan the Terrible kills his son, burns his house and vykorch evyat wood >>
With the weight of a weightlifter by education and a urinologist for the life of Malakhov (Alexander Chubenko)
A woman is a man's friend, but some kind of too self-serving
In his political outlook, Gerasim may have been a staunch utopian
The offer to go to a restaurant often ends with sex than just an offer to have sex
Beaten for the girl. I killed
For all the good you need to pay. For the bad - to overpay
Forgot the road to a "bright future"? Remember the "dark past"!
The donor resisted to the last drop of blood ...
If you have found the woman of your dreams, you can already say goodbye to the rest of your dreams.
In Moscow strip clubs there is no one to speak. Session
As it turned out, the picture "Ivan the Terrible kills his son" was preceded by the paintings "Ivan the Terrible discovered the loss of money", "The Son is returning home intoxicated", "Bitch, put the knife" and "Permissible Self-Defense"
The working day of the announcer - labor tambourines
The weather forecast is always correct - if you do not believe that it will come true
Announcement. Farmer Ivanov requires decent cattle
Give me a point of trade, and I will not turn anything around.
When children scold their parents, this is called rudeness. When parents scold children, this is called parenting.
Tosca is an unclearly stated goal.
Pinocchio, if you go around the doorways again, I'll kill you!
If everything is beautiful in a person, then this is already an exhibit.
He encroached on her honor with his dignity ...
May God bless us to have what those who have us have I love my husband so that during fucking with my lover I introduce my husband ... (from correspondence with readers << Speed-Info >>)
Sometimes, for the blue bird of happiness, we take pink obalingo
Ostriches do not hide their heads in the sand - this is what they show
Do not be afraid of perfection - it does not threaten you at all (S. Dali)
Why, if you do only dirty tricks, you are considered a villain, and if you do only good, then you are a jerk?
The story of a savvy flea has once again convincingly proved that the Russians are ready to just do wonders in order to prevent someone from jumping high