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My Blog: Aphorisms funny pearl stories joke jokes

For complete happiness I would like to survive ...
Two negatives make an affirmative. Therefore, if you are trying to mix with shit, just give a shit about it
I read the Constitution, the word came to mind - a constituent. Nevertheless, it evokes righteous semantic nuances. And the expression political constituent perfectly describes the real politician
A woman is like an expensive cell phone. There are a lot of twists, but only one function
A 14-year-old girl meets a young man for the treatment and prevention of acne ...
We are for a gourmet attitude towards animals!
If a young man offered you a hand and a heart, you have the right to ask: "Is that all ?!"
Pinocchio prospered with Chock .... Picked up bark beetles ....
Ah, do not judge me by the neckline!
My husband does not drink, does not smoke, does the washing, ironing, washing dishes ... This is not a husband, but just some kind of wife!
Doctors do not recommend listening to a brass band lying and surrounded by relatives
A new dish called "USSR" has appeared in Japanese national cuisine. This is one sixth of land
I bought a washable wallpaper for myself. The third day I can’t get into the bath. Wash themselves
Medicine has stepped forward so far that it has left our health far behind.
A couple after sex: - Well, here you and I are finished people ...
Bastard is a state of mind ...
Specific gravity - a substance that appears from fear and takes all the pants
In one, we have no right to complain about our life - it does not hold anyone (Seneca)
He wanted to be a great swindler, but became a petty dirty trick.
Announcement in a patriotic newspaper: "Slavic cabinet is not for sale!"
It is necessary to vote so that then it will not be excruciatingly painful. Never before did it work ...
Never mix vodka with beer. Beer will call you to the toilet, and vodka will make it impossible to get there.
It is equally difficult for a woman to both keep silent and keep silent
Life is the only competition with others when you want to come to the finish line later than the others ...
Take the grader
Only an unfulfilled desire does not bring disappointment
According to the military enlistment office, the average Russian conscript is a gay Hare Krishna suffering from flat feet
You spin like a squirrel in a meat grinder ...
Opening the ballot box will show ...
Werewolf Nadia turns into a log at night!
Announcement in a supermarket: << Free cheese - in the department of household goods >>
You are so mistaken that you are mistaken even at the expense of the depth of your error
Artist of large and small contracts
Hope for the guys - but don’t be bad!
Experiment on cats! (Pavlov's Dog)
15 years of family life taught Ivanov how to do without a woman for a long time
Entertaining fact: Many girls are shy about yellow plaque on their teeth. But at the same time, they walk very calmly with legged legs!
A unique operation was recently carried out by Rex Bull Terrier. Now he does not have a master, but a mistress
The hardest nudists in Antarctica
Thoughts of a guinea pig in the laboratory: "But they would not do this with polar bears ..."
Freedom is not in the absence of obligations, but in the ability to choose to whom it is best to bear them
Help, good people who do not joke
If the sport was useful, then 5 Jews would hang on each horizontal bar
In a large family there were characteristic clicks ...
The war has a non-child face of Caucasian nationality
Late Piglet - Tits Near the Butt
Good - little by little ...
I was ready to give my life for love, but she took only cash
From confidence to self-confidence, only one glass!
Papa Carlo knocked out Pinocchio
An anniversary is a rehearsal of a funeral
The new secretary sucked well into our friendly team
The secret to success in life is connected with honesty and decency. If you do not have these qualities - success is guaranteed!
If in the fried egg prepared for you, the yolk is not exactly in the middle of the protein - it means that for your wife you are not what you were before
Yet there is a marriage that can make a man happy is the marriage of his daughter
Happiness is when you think that you were killed, and your leg was just torn off
I will surrender to you, but much later
If a woman has enough money, then she does not have enough imagination
Family life is also good because it is given more than once.
Vibro enema - combine business with pleasure!
All people are like people, I’m all good
Until now, I thought that I have only two paths to her heart. But that night unexpectedly discovered another ... (from correspondence with readers of "Speed-Info >>)
I am very shy to go to concerts. There I begin to blush, scream, yell something obscene, absurd to move and twitch! (Merlin Manson)
The weak do not make history; often they don’t even manage to read it (Jorge Angel Livraga) If all the doors are open for you, this does not mean that everyone is ready to sit in the draft because of you
The most stupid person commits, proving that he is the most intelligent
For 74 years they couldn’t take the dirty linen out of the hut, and the scoops were to blame. Last Friday, Ukrainian scientists found a previously unknown reason
Much is needed for happiness. Nonsense is enough for misfortune At the meeting the following agenda was proposed: 1. Accountant Ivanenko criticizes the director. 2. Farewell to the accountant Ivanenko ...
Installation and warranty service of horns
It’s stupid to try to have time to explain something in words in the intervals between blows to the face - it turns out slurred and often have to be repeated
The opinion that the cow gives us milk and meat is MISTAKE! Both that, and another are taken away from her, without asking!
They don’t wear a miniskirt with such a face!
Send an SMS with the text "Where are you?" to any number at 4 a.m. - and get a cool rhyme on your mobile phone
A man is not a cactus - he needs to drink!
Even a light bulb was eaten from the refrigerator
"Think" is the official name for cowardice
Never pick your nose with your middle finger - snot offended!
Woman took off the burqa in order to put on a mask of an electric welder
If there is too much garbage, you have to deal with it.
An experienced psychotherapist is looking for work. He’s looking, damn it, for the third month. What a country! All the goats and freaks. I hate everyone! Call you creatures!
For such an opinion of the teeth you should have twice as much ...
To combat forest fires in the suburbs, it was decided to hold a grand beer festival
Non-alcoholic beer - only for non-alcoholics!
Family in a row: he is for everyone, she is for everyone
He lived a long, happy life and died on the same day.
Sex with everyone in the same office is undesirable
They don’t go to a foreign monastery with their pentagram ...
Tombstone option: << The bus driver turned out to be a charlatan >>
Sometimes the only thing you can do is make a mistake
Smart people adapt to life, and fools adapt life to themselves
One therapist is 1,024 gigapevts, or 1,048,576 megapevs
It was quiet around, as if everyone had died out ... What a beauty!
A sundial ticked loudly in the room
If you're so honest, why is your mug so happy?
“Only send him for death,” the friends joked. They made a joke. Brought ...
Finnish vodka in a warm company is much better than warm vodka in a Finnish company
My new secretary is almost blonde. Black hair - but DUUUUUURAAAAAAAA ...
In a critical situation, I call my muscle mass into allies ...
Even Pushkin said that the cat, when it goes left, always speaks fairy tales
Wife tried a fat absorber and disappeared
For everything that she has done for me in this life, in a democratic society they put me in an electric chair ...
It’s stupid to dance to someone else’s tune, not expecting to become its master over time (M. Gen)
If a person knew how to live, he would never die
You can abandon wealth at any moment - but not poverty (T. Fuller)
I walk past the draft board with a proudly moronic head
There are many mysterious and incomprehensible things in the world, and the more I do boxing, the more mysterious and incomprehensible for me becomes
Stupidity comes in front to be seen, mind gets behind to see (K. Silva)
Girls, shooting eyes, do not throw the wounded
Death tore him from our ranks. Then - vomited her
People consider themselves unique and believe in collective horoscopes
If the hands are golden, then no matter where they grow from
If we admit that in Russia there are two troubles - fools and roads, then ice is mockery of the second trouble over the first
Never eat the last cutlet from the pan: you can’t eat one cutlet and you will have to wash the empty pan
Pimp = vaginologist
Sometimes success is not important, but to at least not fuck
Our meat processing plant has launched the production of new dumplings without soy and meat substitutes. Now - with soya substitutes!
Easy to Wake
Themis La Comedy
You should not be too presumptuous. All cemeteries are crammed with people who believed that there was no one to replace them (R. Zhelyazny)
My tie is just a pointer to where you need to go
A design without intent is considered fiction
Time, it only goes a long time, but it passes quickly
Someday a man who predicted the end of the world will be glorified. For 15 minutes
Distance is not a physical thing, but a metaphysical one. A kilometer to the store for bread - far away, and for the second bubble - a stone's throw (M. Khafizov)
Many mobile subscribers still believe that their operator is called "Network Search" ...
As one plumber used to say, cleaning the sewer, "This is for you, boy, not to dig on the Internet ..."
The less you think, the more like-minded people
George W. Bush was furious to learn that the whole world uses Arabic numerals
Life is a struggle: either with alcoholism, or with sexual desires
Fight, search, find and sign!
And a member of the government is sweet and pleasant to us!
Winds translated by Goblin ...
A young girl dreams of changing her surname, marital status and husband
I often left my halo in a brothel
Those who have served their sentence in the zone are invited to extend the term of serving on a contract basis
If trouble came alone, then she would have failed
Yeah! Lo-sos swam there
Long live the Last Judgment, the most humane court in the world!
When smart people get smart, fools fool them
Loving a woman for free is more pleasant. But more expensive
Moses led Jews in the wilderness for 40 years ... It was the only time that Jews were led ...
In a hut with a pretty little paradise, if he bought the whole edge
Everything comes on time for someone who knows how to wait
Whiskas-eating cat is the best food for your dog
Tell me how to defeat laziness and I will change this world beyond recognition
The wife has a twin sister. It seems the same, but the character is completely different: it doesn’t scream because of all sorts of trifles, and it doesn’t make you shelves in the bathroom ... (from correspondence with readers << Speed-Info >>)
Have you ever met an unfortunate idiot?
Friends can be fake, and enemies are always real
There is no need to blame the broom, if the floor is not swept.
Pushkin: "And I was there, honey - I drank beer, flowed from my mustache, but it didn’t get into my mouth." Fans ran in and began to lick, lick, lick with Pushkin.
Humanity laughs parting with its past and crying with its future
The enemy of my enemy is my enemy!
The maniac was offered a choice of a million dollars or an electric chair, but he refused. Clean, unclouded soul!
I read the Constitution, the word came to mind - a constituent. Nevertheless, it evokes righteous semantic nuances. And the expression political constituency perfectly characterizes the real politician.
In the hands of the executioner, the whip lashes like a wit tongue. Bo executioner is a wit case.
Is it possible to spoil a barrel of tar with a spoon of honey? In general, is it possible to spoil the barrel with a spoon?
The difference between a diamond and a diamond: A diamond is organic and a diamond is limited.
The war has a non-child face of Caucasian nationality.
A masterpiece is an awareness of the perfection of beauty, given to us in sensations.
Chain "Logic - Rhetoric - Fist Fight". In the reverse direction, it usually does not work. Moreover, the word rhetoric can be replaced by the word hysteria. The meaning remains the same.
Logic ends where parallels between nonisomorphic systems begin to be drawn. From this moment begins rhetoric (hysteria).
Expression: google Yandex.
Tombstone option: The bus driver turned out to be a charlatan.
I read: “my mother died a week before my birth”, instead of “my mother died a week before my birthday” and I felt uneasy.
An optimist is one who scatters stones, and a pessimist is one who collects them.
Beat the fish on ice.
Carve Marble.
For 74 years, dirty linen was not taken out, and the scoops were to blame.
In Tula with his samovar, it’s the same as in Tambov with his wolf.
Announcement: books by ancient authors on programming are sold.
Philosophy gives a person what he loses by doing it
It has been noticed that critical days will bring you much more joy if they start just during the pregnancy test.
Condoms do not tear - they burst with pleasure
Picture: << Ivan the Terrible kills his son, burns his house and uproots the tree >>
With the light hand of a weightlifter by education and urinotherapist through the life of Malakhov (Alexander Chubenko)
A woman is a friend of a man, but some are too selfish
In his political worldview, Gerasim may have been a staunch Utopian
An offer to go to a restaurant more often ends with sex than just an offer to have sex
Hit the girl. Slaughtered
You have to pay for all the good. For the bad - overpay
Forgot your way to a "brighter future"? Remember the "dark past"!
The donor resisted to the last drop of blood ...
If you find a woman of your dreams, you can already say goodbye to other dreams
There are no one to perform in Moscow strip clubs. Session
As it turned out, the painting "Ivan the Terrible kills his son" was preceded by the paintings "Ivan the Terrible discovered the loss of money", "The son is returning home intoxicated," "Bitch, put down a knife" and "Permissible self-defense"
Announcer's working day - labor tambourines
The weather forecast is always correct - if you do not believe that it will come true
Ad. Farmer Ivanov needs decent cattle
Give me a point of trade and I won't flip anything
When children scold their parents, this is called rudeness. When parents abuse children, this is called parenting.
Longing is an unclear purpose
Pinocchio, if you hang around the gates again, I’ll kill you!
If everything is fine in a person, then this is an exhibit
He encroached on her honor with his dignity ...
May God grant us to have what those who have us have. I love my husband so that during the fuck with my lover I represent my husband ... (from correspondence with readers of <Speed ​​Info >>)
Sometimes, for the blue bird of happiness, we take pink oblomingo
Ostriches do not hide their heads in the sand - they are so # opu show
Do not be afraid of perfection - it does not threaten you at all (S. Dali)
Why, if you do only dirty tricks, they consider you a villain, and if you do only good, then you jerk?
The story of a savvy flea once again convincingly proved that the Russians are ready to simply work miracles in order to prevent someone from jumping high