My Blog: Aphorisms funny pearl stories joke jokes
For complete happiness I would like to survive ...
Two negatives make an affirmative. Therefore, if you are trying to mix with shit, just make a fool of it
I read the Constitution, the word "constitution" came to mind. Yet it casts righteous semantic nuances. And the expression political constitution perfectly describes the present politician
A woman is like an expensive cell phone. There are many bells and whistles, but only one function
A 14-year-old girl will get acquainted with a young man for the treatment and prevention of acne ...
We are for a humane attitude to animals!
If a young man offered you a hand and a heart, you have the right to ask: "Is that all ?!"
Pinocchio Perspal with Chock .... Picked bark beetles ....
Oh, do not judge me on the neckline!
My husband does not drink, does not smoke, washing, ironing, washes dishes ... This is not my husband, but just a wife!
Doctors do not recommend listening to a brass band lying and surrounded by relatives
In the Japanese national cuisine, a new dish with the name "USSR" appeared. This is one sixth of the land
I myself bought a washable wallpaper. The third day I can not get into the bath. Wash
Medicine so stepped forward that far behind has left our health
Couple after sex: - Well, we are both finished people ...
A bastard is a state of mind ...
Specific gravity is a substance that appears from fear and destroys all pants
In one we have no right to complain about our life - it does not hold anyone (Seneca)
I wanted to be a great swindler, but I became a petty dope
The announcement in the patriotic newspaper: "The Slavic cabinet is not for sale!"
To vote it is necessary so that then it was not painfully painful. Never before it turned out ...
Never mix vodka with beer. Beer will call you to the toilet, and vodka will make it impossible to get there
It is equally difficult for a woman to both nedogovorit and pause
Life is the only competition with others when you want to come to the finish as late as possible ...
Take the class
Only an unfulfilled desire does not bring disappointment
According to the military registration and enlistment office, the average Russian conscript is gay Krishna, suffering from flat feet
You're spinning like a squirrel in a meat grinder ...
Opening of ballot boxes will show ...
The werewolf Nadia turns into a log at night!
Announcement in the supermarket: << Free cheese - in the department of household goods >>
You are mistaken so deep that you are mistaken even at the expense of the depth of your delusion
Artist of large and small contracts
On the guys, hope - and not bad!
Experiment on cats! (Pavlov's Dog)
15 years of family life taught Ivanov for a long time to do without a woman
An entertaining fact: Many girls are embarrassed by the yellow plaque on their teeth. But at this very easy walk with kpyvyh legs!
A unique operation was carried out recently by the bull terrier Rex. Now he has no master, and the landlady
The most difficult nudists in Antarctica
Thoughts of a guinea pig in the laboratory: "But they would not do this with polar bears ..."
Freedom is not in the absence of obligations, but in the ability to choose whom to best bear
Help, people are good, who does not joke
If the sport was useful, then on each horizontal bar would have 5 Jews
In a large family there were typical clicks ...
At war the childless person of the Caucasian nationality
A late pig - a tit near the ass
Good - little by little ...
I was ready to give my life for love, but she took only cash
From confidence to self-confidence, only one glass!
Papa Carlo knocked out Pinocchio
Jubilee is a funeral rehearsal
The new secretary was well absorbed into our friendly team
The secret of success in life is connected with honesty and decency. If you do not have these qualities - success is guaranteed!
If in the fried egg prepared for you, the yolk is not exactly in the middle of the protein - it means that for the wife you are no longer what it was before
Yet there is a marriage that can make a man happy this marriage of his daughter
Happiness is when you think that you were killed, but you just tore off your leg
I'll give myself to you, but much later
If a woman has enough money, then she lacks imagination
Family life is also good in that it is given more than once
Vibroblism - compatible with pleasure!
All people as people, one I'm all good
Until now, I thought that I have only two ways to her heart. But this night I suddenly discovered another ... (from correspondence with the readers of "Speed-Info")
I'm really embarrassed to go to concerts. There I start blushing, screaming, yelling something unintelligible, it's ridiculous to move and twitch! (Merlin Manson)
The weak do not make history; often they can not even read it (Jorge Angel Libragh) If all doors are open to you, it does not mean that everyone is ready because of you to sit in a draft
The greatest folly a man commits, proving that he is the most intelligent
74 years did not take out rubbish from the hut, and blame turned shovels Last evening last Friday Ukrainian scientists found a previously unknown reason
For happiness you need a lot. For misfortune enough nonsense At the meeting the agenda was proposed: 1. Accountant Ivanenko criticizes the director. 2. Farewell to the accountant Ivanenko ...
Installation and warranty service of horns
It is foolish to try to have time to explain something in words in the intervals between strokes in the face - it turns out vague and often has to be repeated
The opinion that the cow gives us milk and meat, is faulty! Both are taken away from her without asking!
You do not wear a mini-skirt with such a face!
Send an SMS with the text "Where are you?" to any number at 4 am - and get a cool rhyme on your mobile phone
A man is not a cactus - he needs to drink!
From the fridge was even eaten a light bulb
"I'll Think" - the official name of cowardice
Never pick your nose with your middle finger - the snot is offended!
The woman took off her veil in order to put on the mask of the electric welder
If there are too many things, she has to deal with
An experienced therapist is looking for work. She's looking for a pancake for the third month already. What a country! All the goats and freaks. I hate everyone! Call, creature!
For such an opinion of your teeth, you should have twice as much ...
To fight forest fires in the suburbs it was decided to hold a grandiose beer festival
Non-alcoholic beer - only for nonalcoholics!
Family contract: he - all in a row, she - all in a row
He lived a long, happy and died one day
Sex with everyone in the same office is undesirable
In the black monastery with their pentagramma do not go ...
Variant of the tombstone: << The bus driver turned out to be a charlatan >>
Sometimes the only thing you can do is make a mistake
Smart people adapt to life, and fools adapt themselves to life
One therapist is 1024 GP, or 1048576 megapiasters
Everything was quiet, as if all had died out ... What a beauty!
The room was loudly ticked by a sundial
If you are so honest, then why is your face so happy?
"It's only after his death that he is sent," friends joked. Doshutilis. He brought ...
Finnish vodka in a warm company is much better than warm vodka in a Finnish company
My new secretary is almost blond. Hair black - but DUUUURAAAAAAAA ...
In a critical situation, I call on my allies to muscular mass ...
Pushkin also said that the cat, when going to the left, always says the fairy tale
The wife tried the absorber of fat and disappeared
For everything she did for me in this life, in a democratic society put on an electric chair ...
It's foolish to dance to someone else's pipe, not expecting to eventually become its master (M.Gen)
If a person knew how to live, he would never die
You can at any time give up wealth - but not from poverty (T. Fuller)
Past the military registration and enlistment office I go with proudly raised moron head
There are many mysterious and incomprehensible things in the world, and the more I do boxing, the more mysterious and incomprehensible for me
Stupidity is ahead to be seen, the mind is behind to see (K.Silva)
Girls, shooting eyes, do not throw the wounded
Death tore him from our ranks. After that - vomited her
People consider themselves unique and believe in collective horoscopes
If the hands are golden, it does not matter where they grow from
If we admit that in Russia there are two woes - fools and roads, the ice is a mockery of the second disaster over the first
Never eat the last cutlet from a frying pan: you can not get one with a frying pan, and you have to wash an empty frying pan
Pimp = vaginosis
Sometimes success is not important, but that at least they do not fuck
Our meat factory started production of new pelmeni without soy and meat substitutes. Now - with soy substitutes!
Easy at the funeral feast
Themis la comedy
Do not be too presumptuous. All cemeteries are crammed with people who believed that there was no one to replace them (R.Zhelazny)
My tie is just a pointer where you need to go
A design without intent is considered fiction
Time, it only takes a long time, but it passes quickly
One day a man who predicted the end of the world will become famous. 15 minutes
Distance is not a physical thing, but a metaphysical thing. Kilometer to the store for bread - far away, and behind the second bubble - hand to hand (M. Khafizov)
Many cellular subscribers still believe that their operator is called "Network search" ...
As one plumber used to say, cleaning the sewage system, "It's for you, boy, not to dig around on the Internet ..."
The less you think, the more adherents
George W. Bush was furious, learning that the whole world uses Arabic numerals
Life is a struggle: either with alcoholism, or with sexual desires
Fight, seek, find and sign!
And a member of the government is sweet and pleasant to us!
Windowws in the Goblin Translation ...
A young girl dreams of changing her family name, marital status and husband
I often left my halo in the brothel
Those who have spent their time in the zone are invited to extend the period of their detention on a contract basis
If trouble came alone, then it would not have happened
Aha! Lo-sos there swam
Long live the Last Judgment the most humane court in the world!
When smart clever, fools fool them
Loving a woman for free is more pleasant. But more expensive
For 40 years Moses led the Jews through the wilderness ... This was the only time the Jews were led ...
In the hut with milenkom paradise, if he bought the whole edge
Everything comes in time for the one who can wait
A cat that has eaten Whiskas - the best food for your dog
Tell me how to win laziness and I will change this world beyond recognition
My wife has a twin sister. It seems the same, but the character is completely different: it does not yell because of any trifles, and does not force the shelf in the bathroom ... (from correspondence with the readers of << Speed-Info >>)
Have you ever met an unfortunate idiot?
Friends can be false, and enemies are always real
Necha on the broom to blame, if the floor is not methane.
Pushkin: "And I was there, honey - I drank beer, my mustache flowed, but I did not get into my mouth." The admirers came running and began to lick, lick, lick off Pushkin.
Mankind laughing to part with his past and crying with his future
The enemy of my enemy is my enemy!
The maniac was offered a choice of a million dollars or an electric chair, but he refused. Clean, uncomplicated soul!
I read the Constitution, the word "constitution" came to mind. Yet it casts righteous semantic nuances. And the expression of a political constitution perfectly characterizes this politician.
In the hands of the executioner, the whip lashes like a wit. Bo hangman is the wit of the case.
Can I spoil a barrel of tar with a spoonful of honey? But in general, can you spoil the barrel with a spoon?
The difference between diamond and diamond: Diamond is organic, and the diamond is limited.
The war has a childless face of Caucasian nationality.
A masterpiece is an awareness of the perfection of the beautiful, given to us in sensations.
The chain "Logic - rhetoric - battle on the fists." In the opposite direction usually does not work. And the word rhetoric can be replaced by the word hysteria. The meaning remains the same.
Logic ends where parallels begin to be drawn between non-isomorphic systems. From this moment begins rhetoric (hysterics).
Expression: Google Yandex.
Variant of the tombstone: The bus driver turned out to be a charlatan.
Read: "My mother died a week before my birth," instead of "my mother died a week before my birthday" and I felt somehow uncomfortable.
An optimist is someone who throws stones, and a pessimist is the one who collects them.
Beating fish on the ice.
Cut it with marble.
74 years did not take out the dirty linen from the hut, but the shovels were to blame.
In Tula with his samovar, it's like in Tambov with his wolf.
Announcement: books of ancient authors on programming are sold.
Philosophy gives a person what he loses, doing it
It is noticed that critical days will bring you much more joy if they start just during the pregnancy test
Condoms are not torn - they burst with pleasure
Picture: << Ivan the Terrible kills his son, burns his house and uproots the tree >>
With an easy hand weightlifter by education and a urinotherapist for the life of Malakhov (Alexander Chubenko)
A woman is a man's friend, but somehow too self-serving
In his political outlook, Gerasim may have been a convinced utopian
The offer to go to a restaurant often ends in sex, than just an offer to have sex
Priudaril after the girl. Priubil
For all the good you need to pay. For the bad - overpay
Forgot the way to the "bright future"? Remember the "dark past"!
Donor resisted to the last drop of blood ...
If you find the woman of your dreams - you can say goodbye to other dreams
In Moscow strip clubs there is no one to speak. Session
As it turned out, the picture "Ivan the Terrible kills his son" was preceded by the pictures "Ivan the Terrible discovered the loss of money", "The son returns home in a state of drug intoxication", "Bitch, put a knife" and "Admissible self-defense"
Working day of the announcer - labor mugs
The weather forecast is always true - if you do not believe that it will come true
Ad. Farmer Ivanov needs decent cattle
Give me a point of trade, and I will not turn anything over
When children scold parents, this is called rudeness. When parents scold children, this is called upbringing
A yearning is an unclear goal
Buratino, if you again wander through the doorways, I'll kill you!
If everything is fine in a person - then this is an exhibit
He encroached on her honor with his dignity ...
God grant us that we have what those who have us have. I love my husband in such a way that during my fucking with my lover I represent my husband ... (from correspondence with the readers of "Speed-Info")
Sometimes, for the blue bird of happiness, we take the pink oblomigo
The ostriches do not hide their head in the sand - they are so #
Do not be afraid of perfection - it does not threaten you at all (S. Dali)
Why, if you do only dirty tricks, you are considered a rascal, and if you do only good, then you are an asshole?
The story of a savage flea once again convincingly proved that Russians are ready to just do wonders in order to prevent someone from jumping high