My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories

The shortest telegram home: $ O $.
Do not indulge in wishful thinking!
On the clitoris Statue of Liberty stamp found Clinton finger.
I feel so good with you, that - all thanks, I'm gone!
Angry at his neighbor? Buy him a child drum.
Lottery - it's not hunting for luck in hunting losers.
Quick response perfectly replace good manners.
If not sure - take a hammer more.
Remember the golden rule - those who have the gold, rule.
That takes the least time and brings the most trouble is called sex.
If you have no eggs, you want someone who has two.
Eternal Russian major issues: "What to do?", "Who is to blame?" and "What the dick?".

The operator UMC is the largest coverage in Ukraine. It is covered with a floor of 90% of subscribers.
One aunt was coded from obesity. Even I changed the route to work, not to pass by your favorite candy ...
Then one morning she appeared at the office with a huge cake.
- Imagine - he says - today accidentally drove past the candy store, and I saw in the window of this wonderful cake ... And then I cried out to God:
God, if you want to, so I ate the cake, give a sign - for example, make it so that it was next to a free parking space! And imagine: it got there ... after eight laps ... !!

Programmer won and decided to spend on a new computer, but his wife decided in another way:
- No, I have many years of sleeping on an old bed, I want an Arab bed - I can not even finish on these mattresses ...
- What are you, my dear, I think about how much it costs - I do not even begin to be able to ...
On the subway platform is a boy and thoughtfully mumbles:
- What do you think that happened ... I think that happened ...
Suitable his friend and asks:
- What did you think? What happened?
The boy replies:
- When the father and mother disagree, I thought that I would stay with my dad. The Pope will lead the young - that her dad would, I, the pope it, I ...
But it turned out - my mother was: Mother of the young lead - it is my mother, then me, then my mother, then I ...

Really it is worth considering whether life was a success, if the morning, checking the SMOs, you enjoy the new letters, and all of them are from the Center for American English.

For 50 bucks wanted hex, you goof.
Handle have periodically.
Rroster & Gamble bought Gillete.
Now, not only the gasket wings, and even with the blades!
2006 ...
Belarus ...
Colorado Revolution ...

- Do these shoes have a warranty?
- Of course.
- And how many kicks?
Experienced pal support conversation on topical issues: "The women - fools", "Football, Hockey," "Like who get drunk."
You can leave the house and on the job.
- You're the spitting image of Pushkin!
- Yeah, me too kinky!
- Yeah ... and really want to shoot ...
- My friend, I heard that you do not go with Vasya?
- I have my doctor does not allow ...
- By what right doctor intervenes in your personal life ?!
- She's his wife!
Chief discovers that his secretary blonde filled with bitter tears.
- What is it, my dear?
- I just got a call and was told that my mother died!
- Oh, my God - the mountain what! If you want to go home!
- No. I'll stay on the job, it would be easier to come ...
After a while, the boss decides to check on the secretary and finds her just in hysterics:
- Call my sister and said that her mother also died !!!
- Boris, what is your relation to publications belonging to you in a free and independent press?
- He who pays the piper calls the tune. But if you are about the promised rain for the weekend, then I did not dictate!

- Well, what is this press conference ?! - Indignant Kirkorov in St. Petersburg. - Even on the dick send nobody!
When Metyolkin morning returned home, his wife greeted him with thunderous applause and slaps.
When a man yawns wide open mouth, he shows a lack of culture.
When a woman is yawning wide open mouth, it shows the possibilities. But for some men there are exceptions ...
On the nudist beach two friends:
- What do I like most here - so it's thieves.
- Yesterday I finished three times while he was looking for somewhere I could hide a purse!
Russian Foreign Ministry called the charges of anti-Semitism artificial.
"This is all the machinations of Jews'!" - Said Russian Foreign Ministry spokesman Alexander Yakovenko.
Sent stepmother stepdaughter of snowdrops ...
And this fool all the corpses shed flunked!
A young employee of the appeals to the sysadmin:
- You can explain to me how in the NTFS format are automatically defragment the disk?
Sysadmin admonished her answers:
- Well, why bother with such trifles, because you're blonde!
- Something today after work, you look very tired. Probably too difficult crossword caught ...
The doctor at the bedside:
- Yes, a difficult situation ... You have hemiplegia!
- Hemiplegia? What is that?!
- Well, it means that you have the entire right half is not working ...
- And all that I have left - will it work?
- Yes, everything that you left, will work normally.
The patient begins to have something to do with his good hand under the blanket.
- What are you doing down there by hand ?!
- So, doctor, urgently needs to save what can be ...
- You have not Indesit appliances?
- No, no ... What Indesit - should indezet ?!
- Girl, you can spend?
- This holds - then shims will not collect ...
Once upon a time in one of the district antenatal clinics in Kiev worked gynecologist. Handsome, handsome man. He had mileyshaya habit: when a woman according to the order sits in a chair and take appropriate posture, the doctor, pulling gloves up to her, singing a line from a popular in the years of the Ukrainian song
- All the beauty in your Chudova mene in sight!
From the life of ... The queue went to the counter. One comrade, backing the finger points to the bridge asked the seller:
- Excuse me, you would not be so kind to give us a bottle of vodka and a bottle of "Salute"? Thank you in advance.
Seller went item, and another comrade, a briefcase, turned to the first:
- Listen, Nick! And why do not we just take two bottles of vodka?
The first said:
- You see, Mr ... to fuck this whore - it is necessary, unfortunately, champagne ...
Arab sheikh traveled to Europe and fell in love with Europeans. Here is her dad tells his friends:
- In short, he tells me - if you marry me it will give - I'll pay for it as much gold as she weighs. Well, I say to him that we should not rush into this issue, we will talk in a month ...
- Yes, you are right, these sheikhs with their strange laws here ... to think ...
Pope: - Here it is necessary to think not. Here it is necessary to feed the girl!
Still, there is something suspicious in the title "Birds of a feather" the newspaper ...
It does not matter that you can not get out of the banana juice, but you can buy at the store.
Kirkorov probably saw a pink blouse on Pugacheva?
The tale of how a Bulgarian taught Armenian woman "Ghawar pa Russian" ...
The current situation clearly shows that any KGB officer could rule the state. How? Yes, better than any cook!
Leopold von Sacher-Masoch - only Austrian writer and as it sounds!
Electric burned, a flower pot with roses cracked, instant coffee is over ...
What's the world in general ...
Bought in a pharmacy calcium gluconate, mixed with calcium - a fig, did not have any glitches calcium.
In connection with the breakdown of a supercomputer to create an identikit, Department of Internal Affairs invites citizens to work with rich facial expressions.
The meaning of the race Formula 1 is to keep up with Schumacher's car.
If the horse tells you that you're crazy - so the way it is.
Just a couple of weeks of Russian media - and the Russians will sincerely believe h on the Russian elections in Ukraine supported Yushchenko.
Nervous day ended with an unpleasant message to businessman's wife in the office that their housekeeper takes account.
- And who is there to blame? - He asked grimly.
- Of course you! - Outraged wife. - She said that you called and expressed extremely offensive ...
- Damn it! I was sure that I talk to you ...
In ancient times, we played hockey with axes.
Therefore, experienced players for the matches do not come ...
Any desire to disappear with time, even if they are not implemented.
If the desire is not lost, but only intensifies, it becomes a mania.
The most common among people of mania - the desire to live well.
Sit three businessmen in the chamber Bazaar:
- Why do you sit?
- For the bath. Massage, Movie ...
- And you?
- I am for the pharmacy. Herbs, pills ...
- I see ... And you what? - On the third watch.
- During the recruitment agency.
- And what did you do?
- Recruitment.
- Uh ... I did not understand ?! And then we put behind that?
- During the slave trade ...
Two aristocrats sentenced to death. It was their last day.
They stand in front of the executioner.
One says to the other:
- What is the uncomfortable situation! I do not even know how much to give him hours to ah ...
- Are you free this Saturday night?
- No, it is not available.
- And what are you going to do?
- What ever.
- Namely?
- Tear lottery tickets!
- Aaaaaa! Shit-ah-ah-ah-ah! Honey, what was that? !!!!
- Coffee in bed, my dear ...

Few people know ...
As for the conception of the traffic police inspector needs a condom in a strip and a safety pin.

- Took a sample of the sauce, "Thousand Islands".
- And How?
- Imagine, two is not enough.
... For sale ZAZ-968M Vrabus.
News feed.
Yushchenko agreed with Putin about his support for Yanukovych in the 2006 parliamentary elections to ensure his victory ...
Hefty ambal brakes guy in the alley:
- You will not Recognise Me?
- No..
Ambal, pulling the knife:
- Rich will ...
- What is the oldest nation in the world?
- Moroccans. From them came the monkey.
Egyptian and Mexican pyramids, Stonehenge, the statues on Easter Island ...
Each nation has its Tsereteli.
The chief of the personnel department:
- When you come from his mistress, you create a new job ...
Crime news:
Tonight was an audacious robbery of a sex shop. Stolen goods worth a total of about twenty meters!
The wife says to her husband, a passionate hunter:
- Choose, my dear, or I, or your hunting!
Her husband, after a long silence:
- Well, well, do you want me to you today poohochus?
- You're so concerned about what?
- Why, I think, in a studio apartment can accommodate seventy-five people, invited his wife on our anniversary ...
- So you have that - a round number?
- No, I have a wife - a fool round!
- Kate, you have a child was the designer?
- No, I like the sailors long voyage.
A patient:
- Doctor, I probably poisoned by heavy metals?
Doctor looking at test results:
- Why do you think so?
A patient:
- Just a stone shit in the water drowning ...
Benefits of Russian officials to be badly cut!
And the governors will buy all the English Premier League ...

- Those who yesterday watched a horror movie?
- I.
- Go and take away with him.
- Maybe we go order a pizza and fuck? No?! You do not like pizza ?!
From life.
We drink a beer with a friend recently, we decided to stock fish. Well, and bought - salmon sticks.
But not so shocked own sticks as an advertising inscription on them: "Noble and beautiful - a few sticks with beer!".
One is forced to become thoughtfull ...
How to distinguish a fake from the real dollar?
Counterfeit Dollar gives print doubt on the face of US President ...
- Why do you have in Africa so often occur military coups?
- So it's cheaper elections.
From life.
I've got one friend, Natasha - little, cute girl, which is apparently not on the 24 - in the best case 16 draws ...
It is worth it once at the bus stop waiting for the bus, respectively.
Ochёchki, jacket, backpack. Schoolgirl and only. Suitable for her very drunk uncle, so 30 years - and trying to look into his eyes, so unobtrusive Ivo, almost stealthily, but with interest asks:
- The girl ... You have ebёshsya?
What Natasha finger dangling spectacles on nose and staring into his eyes, completely relaxed and completely childish answers: - No, uncle ... While waiting for the bus only!

Decided to Gd to improve things in the Russian medicine and settled district doctor in the clinic ...
Come to the reception to his first patient - a paralytic in a wheelchair. God lays his hands on his head, and says:
- Get up and go!
He got up and went ...
It turns out the hall, there turn to the street, he was asked:
- Well, as good as new?
- Yes, they all - even the pressure is not dead ...

According to unconfirmed reports from unnamed sources received unconfirmed information of anonymity
Work made from monkey man and should be the same to happen, that it was he - my boss
Man! Helping his wife to clean the apartment - raise your legs when she vacuums!
Not born beautiful, and bear her ugly friend
Maturity comes when the streets begin to turn to you, "Hey, man!", Instead of "Young man!"
Minus - it is half a plus, but a plus - it's sometimes as much as two minuses ...
Most Rastafarians religious propaganda in every traffic light
If the guy with the girl went to the woods to pick berries and a guy comes back happy - it means berries gathered little
Husbands come in two categories: true and fair
We do not expect a miracle of government, but only forward, so that it is no longer fishing hours
Dreams can see everything, but not all at this time of sleep
Dream woman - being a woman dreams
Happiness - it's the first year after the first divorce
Millionaire all the guys an example!
It's hard to find a black man in a dark room, especially if he gouged out his eyes and knocked out teeth
Moderation is good in everything, including moderation
We better keep out than to expel!
There is such a profession - to protect themselves from the Motherland!
Ad. The firm is required sweaty girls (can be scary and not the waist) for testing deodorants
There are no ugly women, there are poor!
When you stand too long on the edge of the abyss - you can call this native land
I ate butter "President", but the president did not become. I smoked a pack of cigarettes "Attache", but attaches from me and did not work. Only when drinking beer "Kozel", it felt like begins to act ...
The troupe of the musical "Cats" was dismissed in full, because it often went to the director on the carpet
If the result does not depend on the decision of the circuit - it is mathematics, and if independent - it Accounting
Do not gossip, word of mouth and journalist
At the meeting of the collective farm collective farm "Put Lenina" decided to rename "Putin Laziness" farm
Do not know how to drive - do not buy right!
To find a common language with a person, sometimes you have to be able to keep silent
Out Children's Dictionary profanity. Now you know that meaning ayut words such as "A", "aga-aga", and even the worst - "shakai-shakai"
This optimistic even in the cemetery instead of crosses sees pros
Light at the end of Tonel, who see dying - another indication that the soul departs from the body through the anus
Vanya and Manya - painters. Paint wall flats are at the 10th floor. Suddenly Van itch is small. - Hey, Man! Can `t stand! - Did you come straight from the cradle! - Yes, you sho! There are people down there! - And you fold the stronger, just out into the fountain you will get! - Yes, I'll at ** Nus! - Not at all! I'll keep going! - Hard? - Hard! Come on! Well, Vanya stood on the edge of the basket, Attracting the back of his belt holds, and he leaned forward and greatly facilitated right in the pool. Beauty! Then Mans itch to sneeze! KAAK sneezes ... and released Vanya, and he went down like a sack of shit ..... A few months passed. And in one sitting three merikanskom bar the motley and talk, where most men to women eager for. First: - I've just now been in Paris since the French would not let me pass. Everyone strove to drag into bed! It's in their scheme of things! Second: - Nah, eager for the best - it is the Mexicans. I was there recently. They are there all these sweaty, hairy! Straight Eye strip! Cum already rushing out of your ears! Third: - All this is nonsense! Most wild men in Russia! Here prikinte! A couple of months ago I was in Moscow. I walk down the street past the fountain. Suddenly I heard a sound from above. I raised my head and saw a man flying on me some! Unbuttoned his pants, but he kept hold of the penis and shouts: - PI - AND - AND D% A - A - A ... !!!
Suitable mother to his son and says: - Vasya, on you 10 rubles, were brought to our pig boar, it would be necessary to make a litter! Bob met, sat on the bike, a pig in a cradle planted, put her hat and went. It goes past the bluebell and think: "What am I lucky to pig boar himself otymeyu her in the woods, and 10 rubles propyl!" And so it did. The next day the situation repeats itself. Mother asks to take a pig boar, so surely! Bob once met, pig landed next to him in the cradle, put the helmet, by bluebell passes. Again pig fuck and money propyl. On the third day the mother said to his son: - Vasya, I do not know where you drove our pig, but she was already sitting in a motorcycle helmet and dressed !!!
Sitting on a tree Crow and cheese .. running fox:
-Vorona, You go to the polls?
fox with cheese go, crow:
-That If I said "yes", something would change?

- You passkazyval that your parrot govopyaschy. I was so paz you, and not a word is heard of him.
- Pposto he feels someone is dangerous to say too much.

The mother wrote a letter to his son in prison: "It is hard, son, without you Spring in the yard, planting potatoes soon, and there is no one to dig up the garden.." The son wrote back: "Mom, do not dig the garden to dig up such as you and I will put a term to add.". The response from the mother: "My son, after your letter arrived cops, shoveled the entire garden, found nothing left angry and swearing.". Son: "Mom, what could - helped the potatoes soot itself.".

Preparing for the launch of a new ballistic amepikanskaya paketa. Ha depevo in staptovoy platforms sit two vopony.
- Ups! - Govopit one.
- Do not take off! - Govopit porphyry intrusions.
Ppoishodit start and paketa vzpyvaetsya.
- Is that you nakapkala!
- Serving Soviet Union!

At the entrance to the pet store hangs a cage with a parrot is by man. A parrot:
- Man!
- A.
- Go to "%/!
The man went to the offended administpatsii store snitched, parrot punished.
The next day comes again, but smotpit a parrot and waits ...
Almost zavepnul the corner and here:
- Man!
- A.
- Well, you understand, yes?

Once Chukchi married a Frenchwoman. After some time, he asked: "Well?" - "And that, as we have long been divorced?". - "Why?" - "Yes, it turned out to be such a slut She has to wash it every day!"

Once Chukchi asked: "How often do you wash?" - "However, once in six months." - "So rarely And you yourself do not feel dirty?" - However, the first two months, I feel, and then she falls off the dirt. "

Chukchi comes to the bath, leads the heifer, and carries a large pipe.
He asked: "Chukchi, why do you heifer?" - "However, we are always with bath heifers go." - "Why the pipe?" - "However, the night will be buzzing."

In my head, dust - does not matter. Because I'm blonde ... yes, yes, yes!

- 99.99% of men at least once in their lives engaged in masturbation. - Well, these are 0.01%, with them that? - This armless.

Raven God the input is 4 volts.
Give birth by caesarean - feel like a wolf from Little Red Riding Hood!
- As soon as I find you - you would be married to the widow ...
Soon feminine pads will absorb so much that they do not need to be changed.
Viagra - the same Disneyland. People are waiting for a couple of hours to go two or three minutes.
Not tisipi my ip!
Why none corn sticks are not called << >> Nikita?
Nationalism - is not blood in the veins, it is urine in the head.
Russia has very few enemies, only NATO in the West, China in the East, the Islamic world in the south - and so do the circle of friends ...
Box of vodka ... Bank of pickles ... I know where I'll be ... THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
The woman boss has only one advantage - in the toilet you will not find it!
Useful things. Dancing his partner, to squeeze out of her maximum pleasure.

Cheburashka in tears running for the crocodile Gena:
- Wait a minute, Gene! After all, what I found in a box of oranges, still does not mean anything!
- Goodbye ... - Crocodile Gena said quietly, sitting in a blue car ...

Young mother vostorzhёnno says:
- Today, we taught our little walk!
- What for?! You do that - no car ?!

Commission comes to an orphanage - and there are all stoned.
- What it is?
- Chiefs sent.
- What are the bosses?
- Customs officers confiscated.
- This stuff ?!
Director, puffing:
- Disgusting ?! All the best - to children!

- Waiter! And what is the dietary pizza?
- This is the usual pizza. But I sit there and eat it with you ...

An elderly woman turns to the police:
- Officer, could you help me to cross the street?
- Right away! You live on the other side?
- No, there is my motorcycle!

Two ladies talk about the infidelity of husbands. One says:
- I am on this subject is absolutely calm. My husband me crazy.
- A sudden enlightenment happen?

Gra has released a book titled "Difficult choice: a rat or a bitch?".

From life.
In America, the school graduates accepted goodbye, before the release, hold rally to graduates long remember ... At school, where he studied my sister, the most legendary was this: in the school launched three pigs with painted numbers 1, 2 and 4. Several days of administration was looking for a pig number 3!

- Dad, Bigfoot exist?
- No, son. This is our mother!

The colors of the Russian flag now look deeply symbolic: from bottom to top turns red-blue-white.
According to the first letters of the names of these colors are the name of the organization, seized power ...

Russian flag - a symbol of courageous
Our life plague:
Bottom red, white top,
Between them blue.

- The neighbors complain that at night we turn on the vacuum cleaner. And this is not a vacuum cleaner, the wife is talking to me!

- We went there on a fishing trip with an overnight stay. So Sergei, to us not to drink, zashilsya. The sleeping bag inside!

- Black-black night, in black-black room comes to me wife Che-polar black underwear and black-black hair curlers and says: "Give my best years !!!".

The Master, after finishing a haircut refers to the man:
- Maybe odekolonchika?
- What do you? I only to hem!

- What would you like?
- On the passport photo taken.
- But we have a hairdresser, not a shop.
- And then you guys to showcase portraits ponaveshali?

There is a guy in the woods. He saw a girl tied to a tree, torn clothes.
- What happened?!
- There was the forest - was attacked, tied and raped ...
- Screaming?
- Screaming ...
- Calling for help?
- I called ...
- And no one?
- No one ...
The man, unbuttoning his pants:
- Ah, wilderness ...

He throws the king over the internet messagu: "Who is my princess laugh Nesmeyanov - to give half my kingdom!" ...
And he had to give half the kingdom only to get rid of spam.

Yesterday in the forest was found raped corpse of a maniac.
Yeah, the police day did not pass without a trace ...

- So, we rehearse! I say, what's your name girl? It is me, Mary. And I told her:
here's Masha yum! Then I went up to the boy and ask: Who is your dad work? He says the director of the chocolate factory.
- So what is next?
- And then I give him a candy, vomits - all fun ...

Director of model agency collects models and says:
- I want to tell you a parting word before today's show ... You are all good models were on the catwalks of London and Paris - but I'm sure that on the show today, not only frighten Lena!
All indignantly:
- And why is that?!
- Yes, just because I do not take this fool !!!

- Sanya, of course, your friend - a woman Otpad, no doubt - but it is in one ear and flies to more ...
- Not true! In a vacuum, sound does not apply!

- Yes, I whistle, the crowd will gather here girls ...
- Do not whistle - the money will not be ...

There is a bear in the woods, he sees - two frogs sitting on a branch.
- Hey, frog!
- Hey bear!
So word by word and got a bear pussy ...

- Yesterday finally plucked up courage and told my girlfriend three treasured words.
- I love you?!
- No ... You go fuck !!!

- Recently I fucked two Vitalik. Imagine, one was behind another blowjob I did - and it all happened so fast ...
- Well, do you have any desire to somehow make a managed?

Telelotereya "For how by a dick?".
Members looking for a prize, hidden in the window of one of the sex shops dildos ...

Leave! Far, far away! On a silver horse in the distant dreamland.
To meet and fall in love with a beautiful princess! Fight for it to joust, to kill all the dragons and evil sorcerers. Become the king and give birth to a whole bunch of princes and princesses. Edit wisely and justly. And live happily ever after!
And do not sit here fifteen years, at Solikamsk area for gang rape!

Noble husband serene soul. Poor people are always concerned about.

May God grant each have what are those who are of us.

Women pay attention not to the handsome men, and men with beautiful women.

Nothing makes a woman's face in such a meaningful, like counting money.

Our company can send you de-
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LCI paid twice. Large peaks
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Reread announced again in a row!

Goes to addict tram, the controller is suitable: - your ticket. Addict raises two fingers up (Victory Type). Controller: - What is it? Narco - Hare.

If a woman is angry, it is not only wrong, but also to understand it.

In the words of my not having seen falsehood and hypocrisy, but in spite of what you are to me as a family, go to the dick or maybe even farther you with an offer to work at the weekend.

It is better to be wrong than correct with no desire to be.

Best decoration girls - modesty and transparent dress.

- According to statistics, every third woman unfaithful to her husband.
- Yes, fuck me your stats you have phone numbers and addresses come !!!
If a man for a long time looking into your eyes, you can be sure that everything else he has examined.

Man walking on the beach and sees a beautiful girl. Suitable up to her and says: - Girl, you do not smoke there? That gives him a cigarette. - A spark? That gives him a lighter. - Or maybe we meet? - A drum do not you give? - What for? - Lead the column going to hell!

In the office admitted a blunder which had terrible consequences.
Furious Head runs into the room and grabs the slave of the breast:
- One of us two idiot, either you or I!
Slave (quietly):
- Chief, are you with your experience and foresight can take the service of an idiot?

The first law of increase - Do not be irreplaceable. If you can not be replaced, and can not be increased.

The woman on reception at the dentist male. Lying on the couch, his mouth frozen in, the doctor something carefully drill. Then the patient begins to rupture cell phone. After the fifth call physician can not stand: frantically grabs the tube: - Alla !!! - Alley !!! (Also a male voice) Doctor: - Who are you ?? !!! MG .: - HUSBAND !!!! Doctor: - Listen, husband, right now, I'm finished, she called back and splyunet !!!

Grandfather tells his grandson a story: - The Germans came to our village, built all the men and say: "Choose: either we otpidorasim you or shoot you." - Grandfather, and what's next ??? - Shoot me, grandson, shot ...

Heart girl - a mystery
As one poet said.
Even if love is sweet,
All the same answer - NO!

Wait, do not drink from the toilet!
There - microbes out there - an infection!
Dern handle Slay water
The foam sduy, then we will drink.

Who on earth all the more boldly,
All the beautiful and intelligent?
A rhetorical question...
If the barrel looks in the nose!

Entertainer takes the stage:
Solo on the flaccid penis without akkompomineta.
In the hall of shocked silence. Entertainer thoughtfully looking at the prompter.
Sorry ... Solo cello unaccompanied ...

My mother is busy in the kitchen, but listening with half an ear as her seven year old son playing with his new electric locomotive.
Train stops - and the son says:
- Ta-a-ak, all bastards who have to go out - ass torn from the seats in the aisle and Nehru Waffles - this is the last stop before the Boston ... And those bitchy children who are in this fucking city itch - scratch too nefig eggs - quickly blown into the car, we will depart in two minutes! Mama runs in complete shock to the living room:
- Sonny, are you ?! So the house can not talk! Go immediately to a room and two hours to think about what you just said! When thou goest forth - can once again play a locomotive ... Two hours later, the son comes out of her room and again plays with locomotive ... That train stops and mom hears: - We remind all passengers, leaving our train, not to forget their belongings ... Thank you for what you have traveled with us and hope to see you again. Dear passengers, bound for Boston, please take a seat; We remind you that the baggage can be placed under the seats. We ask you not to smoke on the train. Then, after a pause:
- And if someone fuck strongly that the train was sending two hours late - go and do with that bitch in the kitchen sort it out!

<Doctor Schlager>, <Man hit> - as soon not call yesterday drunken Vyacheslav Dobrynin, but he got into a taxi and went home quickly.

A woman calls the store: -Hello, you have the wallpaper?
-There is.
-Thank you.
Five minutes later, she:
-And You have flowered?
-Yes there is.
-Thank you.
A minute later:
-And With apples too?
-And With apples there.
Again she:
-A Butterfly?
-C Butterflies too.
-And Here is such vesёlenkie?
-Priezzhay, Bitch! best humor

On the beach the girl fit young man:
- Girl you are beautiful! I want you!
- Oh, well, that's you! I'm shy!
- Yes? Well, excuse me! - Turns and walks away.
She shouts after him:
- Oh oh oh! He wants, as I'm shy!

Cholovіk Veda machine, and in Tsei hour yogo suputnitsya pochinaє ROBIT Yomou mіnet. Vіn vtrachaє control over them, hapaє її hands behind his ear.
The machine, tim hour, vrіzaєtsya in Stovba. Cholovіk come to tyami and zhіnki close by a lot, and Je deprivation її Vuh at the hands tsogo cholovіka. Vіn viskakuє s i MACHINES bachit turn. Pitaє in Demba:
- Wee here zhіnku without Vuh not bachili?
- Ni - vіdpovіdaє that, not without bachiv Vuh. and z-axis member in the teeth - tudi pobіgla.

Once girlfriend invited me to a "hen party". I told my husband about it, and promised to return no later than midnight. "I promise I'll be home at twelve - as a bayonet!" I fervently assured. The party was wonderful! Champagne is delicious, and the time passed completely unnoticed. As a result, I, as a lord drunk, dragged home around three o'clock in the morning. But I crossed the threshold, the cuckoo clock in the living room prokukovala three times !!! Instantly realizing that her husband could wake up to hear the cuckoo and 3,14dyuley not escape me, I did not hesitate prokukovala nine more times. When he heard the cuckoo, let him think that now midnight. Secretly proud of his wit, I mouse crept into the bedroom and lay down quietly in the side of my strict husband. The next morning at breakfast, he asked me when I returned. Built up innocent faces, I said: - At exactly twelve. It was in the living room clock struck midnight. - Yes, I heard. Husband calmly replied. F-uuu! It looks like I managed to avoid a scandal! after a short pause, the husband said: - Honey, we need to urgently change the cuckoo in the clock. - ???? - Yesterday, I heard the cuckoo prokukovala three times, then said: "That bl% qb!" Prokukovala four more times, then cleared her throat, prokukovala 3 times again, giggle and prokukovav remaining half, stepped on a cat.