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Diary of an Honest Penguin

Monday.
Today it's quite warm, just minus ten. In the morning two groups of people landed on the shore. Something is building, it seems, wintering. Those that are more victoriously dressed, often remember someone's mother and shoot cigarettes from their neighbors.

Tuesday.
Today our guests came to our herd. They called themselves Germans and treated us to bananas. Delicious.

Wednesday.
Last night our herd was visited by Russians. We were treated to fiery water and called us Chukchi. After the third glass, I fell my beak in a snowdrift. In the morning I discovered that my eyes were looking in different directions. Maybe he ate bananas?

Thursday.
I went to the Russians. A man in a bear's coat showed his hand towards the Germans and said: "Bring the bananas, Chukcha, then I'll pour". His name is Kostya. Very emotional personality. This time I slept in the snowdrift with him.

Sunday.
The Germans give bananas all the more reluctant.

Tuesday.
Yesterday the Germans did not give bananas at all. I ripped off some piece of iron with wires from them and brought them to Kostya. He said that the Chukchi was well done, and poured me a glass of alcohol. Then they drank more, for a successful business. Kostya fell asleep at the table, and I could not get to the door.

Wednesday.
Today the Germans came to the Russians and demanded to return the antenna. Kostya told them in Russian: "A banana to you, not an antenna!". The Germans did not take the banana and left empty-handed. In the evening the Germans came with a search into our herd. They were looking for me to remove the skin. Well, I do not care about taxes for businessmen! ..

Thursday.
At night, when everyone was asleep, rolled all German barrels with diesel fuel to the winter huts of the Russians. The Germans got panic. A healthy redheaded German shot from his gun and shouted: "The Russian Chukchi is a partisan!". Fool! There was nothing to regret bananas!

Friday.
The Germans are sitting without fuel and without a radio. Today it got a little colder (minus forty), and they agreed to sit down at the negotiating table. I now live in Bones' room. He says that a businessman needs a roof.

Saturday.
Negotiations are on the second day. The Germans call me the "Russian mafia". It turns out that all of their barrels with diesel fuel were labeled. Kostya presented to the Germans documents on which all their barrels were taken as trophies back in 1945 during the breakthrough of the tank division of General Miroshnichenko to the city of Spandau.

Sunday.
The Russians sold the Germans a barrel of diesel for ten thousand marks and three boxes of bananas. Whatever you say, bananas are a cool snack! Taking advantage of the snowstorm, he went to the Germans and rolled the barrel back. What for? I do not know. Probably, from the principle.

Monday.
The Russians returned the barrel to the Germans for some unfortunate thousand marks and a bottle of wine. Lord, what nasty things these Germans drink!

Wednesday.
Russians demand rubles for diesel, and Germans only have stamps. Kostya organized the currency exchange. The course of the brand immediately began to fall. Today, for one ruble, you can buy 17 657 marks.

Saturday.
The Germans are asking for diesel fuel on credit. Kostya promised to think, but meanwhile he offered them humanitarian aid - one glass of diesel per day. He explained to me that this humane action would raise our prestige. Hmmm ... Wiseman is a thing - business.

Sunday.
German women ask us to work. They can be understood: we have a warm and very fun. And now, it seems, it will be even more fun.

Monday.
Kostya said that the Germans do not have democracy. And he is absolutely right! The German chief has the most disgusting face. And in general, he is such a miser: for an extra million marks to be ready to be struck.

Tuesday.
Kostya did not bother to explain to the Germans how to build democracy, and they are fighting for the second day. And we look. Interesting! I put three hundred thousand marks on the red one today, but at the very beginning the fights were knocked on the head by a stool. The redhead fell with his nose into a snowdrift. In the further construction of democracy, he did not participate.

Wednesday.
Long live the business! The ruble is growing. I was allocated a separate room and security. What can you do, the Germans are quite a wild people: they roam near our territory with axes. Yeah, wait, so I'll go without a guard!

Friday.
Kostya showed me the receipt of the redhead. Now my friend owns the family lock of Baron Schnaps and his surroundings. The redhead himself objected to such privatization, but his comrades showed him a stool - and the redhead quickly agreed.

Wednesday.
Wintering comes to an end. It's a pity! It is possible that the Germans still have a couple of other family firms and banks. Kostya persuades me to go with him to Russia. He says that right now his country needs such honest businessmen as I am.

Without date.
Good-bye, Antarctica! They say there is a lot of work in Russia. Kostya said that not only Germans live next to Russia, but also many other different peoples. It's good. Because the Germans know me too well. And with the rest of us just to get acquainted. Re-ee-bata-ah! .. I'm coming to you! ..


And his boss Anatoly Alexandrovich subordinates affectionately called Anal!
After recounting the votes, Shakhtar yesterday won from Milan with a score of 4-0.
Only pigs can say that blasphemers are to blame for everything ...
A real woman can sew, knit, cook and hide all this carefully.
Politicians always think of the people, but they never say what it is.
The more curly the ad, the more bald the goods.
If non-alcoholic beer is the first step to a rubber woman - then alcoholic, in any way, to leather ...
If a person is not allowed to object for a long time, he will forget all his arguments, and he will strike silently.
If the mean enemy is destroyed, then the people do not come to their senses, we must urgently appoint a new one.
Tell your constipation "N-n-no!".
Phrase Chief "I had an interesting, promising idea!" - a sure sign that you have a tedious, stupid job.
The topological riddle of the Russian soul is to sit deep in the ass and at the same time look down on everyone.

In the family they expect additions. The girl's friend calls the happy husband: "Vova, I just found out!" I hasten to congratulate you! It's a pity that it's not from you! -?!?! "I did not hear from you!"
Found a gold earring. The lost one is asked to give the second for a fee.
Lezgins came and touched our hearts with Lezginka. Now we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Bulgarians.
NEWS: ... and meanwhile, some people are already hinting at holding in 2008 elections, not the president, but the motherland ....
"Madam, I bought a second volume of Dead Souls from Gogol just now!" "Monsieur, have mercy on me, he's fucked up!"
To better sleep, it is recommended to count sheep. Well, I'm lying, I think: One, two, three, ..., seven, eight, .... I think further and somehow I feel uneasy. For some reason I'm worried about the seventh lamb ...
I do not like it when my political opponents throw right or left. To aim hinders.
The trucker is arranged to work in the traffic police. The commander sends him and a more experienced team-mate on the track with a radar, to restrain so to speak. In the evening the commander asks: "Well, how are you doing?" Experienced answers: - What successes - I'm standing with the radar, and this one is sitting next to me in the car and blinking in the distance!
Dialogue in the meat department of the supermarket: The buyer: - You gave me chicken legs, and I wanted wings. The seller: - You, apparently, asked for legs. The buyer: - So I changed my mind later.
- Girl, girl, and give me your mobile number? - Yes, I lost my cell phone !!! - Well, that's what I know ...
It is said that two eggs, if they stand neatly, can withstand the weight of a person ... Can you imagine the reaction of this sunburnt?
"Why did you marry so hastily before your vacation?" - Yes, they offered a burning bride!
- Is it true that the army makes rude, stupid, indifferent, independent and aggressive? - And I do not know, and I also have to fuck ... I'll go and ask the ensign ... or give you a fucking money ...
- Do not ship me, I'm not a dry cargo ship. I'm a tanker, pour me.
- Taking advantage of the moment, I want to send greetings to friends who also use the "Moment" ...
"Mom, Dad, get acquainted." It's ... It's going to live with us!
Jerusalem. Israel is opening a new TV channel that broadcasts to neighboring Arab countries. The first transfer of the new channel will be a cycle about the benefits of smoking.
Verona. The company "Alfa-Romeo" is moving to the production of cars "Alfa-Juliet". All the same, but without an exhaust pipe.
- A neighbor, why does your husband and his dog not walk? - He and the women are missing!
Yesterday decided what to buy beef or liver. I suggested throwing a coin. My wife, far from mythology, immediately said: "The eagle will fall - the liver."
Call on the phone: - Hello. Answer: - And you, hello, kind person ...
"I want to say that people are not afraid of cops." After all, we, the cops, are also people and after work are also afraid of cops who are at work.
- Oh, girls! How many I had them! Kilometers!
- When our commander shouted: "Attack!", We had this chip passed on "Hooray!"!
- Here before a condom cost three copecks ... And a pie with jam - five! - It's like how eight kopecks you can walk!
- Girls! I have done a plastic surgery myself. Here pulled up, then cleaned! And still on the purse left!
- Elena? - Hello Pasha! - Hello, Elena! Elena, I fell in love with Olga. "Olga?" But what about me? "Forgive me, I completely forgot!" How are you, Elena?
In Holland, light pedophilia, light rape and light murders without aggravating circumstances will be legalized soon after the light drugs.
In the henhouse announcement: - And now a white dance - chickens trample on cocks ...
Feast. Noisy, fun. Suddenly something falls. - The dish fell. - So, someone else will come to us. - It's strange: whether a woman, or a man. "Uncle Arkady will come," Vovochka says. "He's a fagot!"
The man decided to sell his new VMW, stuck to the rear window an ad with the number of his cell phone. He drives around the city, stopped in a traffic jam. Suddenly the call to the cellular: - You sell the car? - Well yes. - For 1000 bucks I take away. The man is stunned: - Are you, a patient - 1000 bucks for a new bey? !! - Okay, 1200. - Listen - fuck off, it's not funny ... - Bazaar no, it's not funny ... Look back - I'm driving behind on the written-off Kamaz. In a minute I'll call you back - if you do not sell for 1200 - I'll give you gas and smash your ass with smithereens. And hangs up. The peasant turns back, sees behind the broken Kamaz and there grins the driver, and it gets bad. At this time, again the call. Another voice: - You sell the car? At the muzhik already hands shake: - Yes ... - To you the fuck from Kamaz called? The man: - I called ... - How much did you offer? - 1200 bucks. The voice is thoughtfully like this: "It's bringing down the price, the goat ... In general, I can not offer more than 500 bucks, you can not offer zarpalat ... But when you make a decision, take it into consideration: I'm on your left on Belaz.
"Are you going to Rabinovich's funeral?" "Why should I go?" Do you think he will come to mine?
A young Jew stands before the entrance to heaven and knocks on the door. - I want to paradise! "A young man, but for this one must do some noble deed ..." I went to the Roman Caesar and in the eyes told him everything I thought about this torturer of the Jews! "And when was that?" "Ten minutes ago!"
Two Jews discuss their rebbe. "And recently he performed a miracle!" A lame man was led into the synagogue and he said: "Drop your crutches and go!" "And what's lame?" - He fell and crashed. - So what is this miracle? "But I saw it with my own eyes!"
Parrot-parrot
Summer red sang,
Did not have time to look back,
How the winter came.

And she went to Muraposhka:
"Muraposhka, Muraposhka,
Give me a piece of cake! "

"Jock!" Said Muraposhka, "
Have you been singing all summer? Sang.
did the teahouse sit? "
The Jock! said Muraposhka, -
... you, and not cake! "

Recently, Michael Jackson pleaded guilty, and now he is trying to get him imprisoned in a colony for non-adults.
Yesterday, an attempt was made on the president of Mongolia. Fortunately, the arrow could not pierce armor from the sheep's skin.
The Tootsie group gave a charity concert. All the money went to the hot dog.
VAZ has released a new car that will be 15% better than nothing.
Due to the poverty of Romanian cinema, director Ionescu presented his new photo at the Cannes Film Festival.
Due to weather conditions, rain did not take place in Vladikavkaz.
Yesterday the Ajaria team in boxing fried the national team of Romania in rhythmic gymnastics.
To increase attendance, the site of the Ukupnik is now allowed to smoke.
The banal flu saved Rostov-on-Don from the tour of Nikita Malinin.

Army Dictionary:
The commander (chief) is a semi-human demigod, personally determining the number of sexual acts with the brains of a subordinate.
Sauna - a set of activities aimed at achieving the effect of cleansing the body with elements of sex and fragments of birch leaves on the ass.
The third day I do not want to work. I do not understand what happened ... -Today, Wednesday!
Requires a secretary, work experience at least 3 times.
"Che for garbage?" - Mendeleev thought, waking up ... but still recorded.

Gerasim called his dog not MU-MU!
Simply Turgenev did not dare to name the book "OAEEUUIAYUYA"

"Doctor, can you really determine a person's illness from his favorite literary work?"
- Oh sure! Is this your favorite book?
- "What to do" Chernyshevsky ...
- Taa-ak .... And for a long time you should not be?

A man and a woman passionately make love at the edge of the forest.
Suddenly a bear appears on the meadow. And he says:
"Dear, my respect, but are you not ashamed to vulgarize the virgin beauty and chastity of this forest with such a shameless act of animal coition?"
Silence...
- Yes I'm joking! TRANSLATION !!!

The wife comes to her husband, who sits on the Internet at night and says:
- Let's do something about sex, huh?
He responded to her (without stopping from the monitor):
"Go and start, I'll be there in 10 minutes."

In the restaurant:
- Brm ... uh ... brm ... Hmm ...
- I'm listening.
- Vdh ... uh ... uh ... two ... one ... a second ...
"Vodka?"
- Meldz ... bold ...

On reception to the gynecologist the married couple comes, the husband describes a situation:
"Doctor, we arrived yesterday from the resort, where one day before the departure we were engaged in diving, and my cousin, or a crab, or someone else ... got a shorter time to get it from there!"
Well, the doctor conducts the inspection, he sees that the usual ways of this reptile not get it and says to the peasant- "You stick a member there, the crab will hold onto it, and you will pull it out ..." The peasant did not like this idea, he refused: "Who of us Doctor? Here you go, work! "
Well, the doctor got in, stuck it, gets it - there's no reptile ... again, again, no ... well, I entered the taste-fuck * the patient in full growth. The peasant slaps him on the shoulder "Doc thou Thou?" The doctor practically in ecstasy yells: "Yes I will kill him there"

The most active participant in the gay parade, as one might expect, was the Moscow OMON.

But who will explain to me why such a difference in relation to men to women, and women to men? Here in the sex shop, women are sold entirely, and men only spare parts.

Somehow among the working day the wife comes into the office to her husband - the director of a large enterprise and sees the following picture: the husband is directly on the desktop making love with a young secretary. Silent scene. After a short pause, the husband casually "comes out" of the secretary and sternly declares: - So, for the first time, you .. l, and the next time you fire!

"Oh, how small, how pretty!" And what is this little pain?
Does Puziko hurt us? On the papilla, my uncle is going to cure everything!
"Son, do not come in yet, here's a trouble with the doctor!"

-Begin the third wish
-I want something I've never tried
-This is a shit of a polar bear
-Oh! Just like "Orbit shit polar bear"

A little boy made a wish to have his birthday every day.
After 2 months he grew old and died.

"Mom, where is Papa?"
- In the bank.
"What's he doing there?"
- Working.
- By whom?
- Sperm!

Thousands of feathers on white snow ...
Hundreds of crooks, frozen in the ice ...
In the picture Savrasov "Rooks hurried."

Peace Labor may. This is much better than the war and unemployment in mid-February.

Once upon a time there was a boy who was terribly afraid of the dark.
So every time he blinked, he fainted ...

Working with beautiful women is theoretically possible, but in practice it is always worth it ...

- Mom, well, I'm already 16! why are you still not allowing me to paint my lips ??
- Andrew, shut up!

Telephone call:
- Hello.
Answer:
"And you, hello, kind person."

An old Jew leaves his house and sees a huge rainbow above the city. He looked and said: - Oh! On this they have money!
Caught Winnie the Pooh and Piglet Goldfish. She, as usual, undertook to fulfill three wishes. Winnie the Pooh (gasping with delight): - I have a barrel of honey! And another barrel of honey! .. Piglet: - Winnie, Winnie! And me !? - And you a hundred x "@ # at f @ # *! - Viiiiiiiiiiiiii !!!
There was a capital city of ancient Kiev, and a monster with three heads attacked him. One head puffs hotly, another chills it with a cold, and the third yells: - Well, fuck, go!
- How does the rabbit differ from Khrushchev? "The hare does not like to talk."
Exploration was commissioned to find the mine on which Khrushchev worked, and counterintelligence to find those geologists who are looking for this mine.
Khrushchev himself wrote his own report and, before giving a speech, showed the friend: "They will not all say sycophants and truths, even if they do not. A friend read and said: "I'll tell you, Nikita, in all sincerity." You have two mistakes. "Fucker" is written together, and "in the ass" - separately.
Biological clock: now with a cuckoo! The speaker is a part of the electric motor, the main purpose of which is to yell at the rotor and stator. The cultural person also thinks about everything with the help of a mat, but then he always thinks about how to express it better, so that no one thinks how he thinks about all this. Political correctness is the science of how to properly talk with these dirty niggas. In regions like to watch "Road patrol", because they show me dead Muscovites. Before you make love to a man, you have to feed him, otherwise he will iron your breast and try to get milk from her. Sociology is an exact science: how much you pay, you will receive so much. Dyers danced around the vodka and yelled "No to drugs!" ...
Of course, they do not congratulate in advance, but ... ALL of the inhabitants of Estonia - WITH THE NEW 2007-YEAR!
If a guy with a girl went to the forest for berries and the guy returned satisfied - it means that the berries were not enough!
Summer of last year ... Yulia Tymoshenko's duties began to be fulfilled by Yury Yekhanurov. The husband of Julia is still in shock ...
In the blue waters of the Pacific Ocean there is a hammer-fish and scores on everything that comes to her on the way. She is most sympathetic to the students of our polytechnic ...
In the metro, a pregnant woman killed an invalid. As the detainee told, the quarrel arose because they were trying to find out which of them was more polite ...
"Would you be able to marry a villain just for the sake of his money?" - Do you collect statistics, or do you make a formal proposal?
- Do you have a bank account? - Yes there is - but, unfortunately, it is not in my favor ...
In connection with the struggle for the client, the company Megafon installed 15 thousand towers, released dogs and security. Now no one will leave the service area!
"What's the matter, child?" - Doctor, I have the flu ... (in 20 minutes) - My dear, your flu has been already 8 weeks ...
The village doctor drives the car at high speed. His wife says: - Slow down, or the policeman will stop! - Nothing, I told him to lie all day at home in bed ...
- I'll play better in "Russian roulette" ... I was at the forum of this game, read reviews - you can imagine: there are NO LOSSES!
The family is sitting at the table, having dinner. The son reluctantly picks a fork in the plate. Father: - Eat, eat! And then the pussy will not grow! Wife: - What do you teach the child!? ... Itself would be better to eat!
- Sanya, heard - closed the zoo for a week? - What happened? "The elephant is dead." - Are they mourning ?! - They're eating!
The merciless depth of the ocean! But the creatures sliding in it ........................ are good for Zhiguli beer!
- And let's go to war with the Moldovans? - It's pointless - they build faster than we will destroy! "Then let's go to war against the Chinese." "It's pointless - they multiply faster than we destroy them!" "Then we will go to war on stupid amerikos!" - Mr. President - we are dumb amerikosy ...
"Son, my mother and I have a present for you!" In the spring you will have a brother! - Again this fool is released from prison ...
Advertisement: Do you have any relatives? You are alone? Bequeath your apartment to us! You will have a magnificent funeral and merry wake!
The client reproaches the lawyer: - You assured that you will get an excuse for my wife, and she was sentenced to a year of forced labor ... - So she did not give me a word at the trial! cried the lawyer.
"Doctor, do you take slippers to the hospital?" "What color do you have?"
"You think he has two higher educations!" I have five initial!
From life. Today the familiar young lady sits in a taxi and calls to Tolstoy Square (in Kiev it was) - and there paving stones. "Oh, what a vibration!" says the young lady. - Another couple of circles to drive? - quietly asked the taxi driver.
Today mood cheerful Today, something will change! Where to begin? - I will answer firmly I: I will begin with augmentation of the penis! Not for nothing that I send letters from Tennessee, and from New York - from the Fifth Street: "Take care of enlarging the penis!" "Damn, all America is worried!" No one will blame me for this - After all, with a new penis, life will begin another! Stand, maybe he will not be, But I'll put - my dear mother!
I was finally disappointed in life ... You can not believe anything! Opened the door, which was inscribed "Men" - and there was a toilet!
rorlist - section "Contacts" on the website of the Russian Orthodox Church.
I love the knocking of female heels ... behind my back in bed about each other.
Wife to her husband: - Darling, I so want to scream ... - Sweetheart, Aral has long dried up ...
Most people do not know that large pieces of coral, painted with brown paint and nailed to the skull by ordinary nails, make the child look like a deer ...
Announcement: We change sewer pipes, we clean the toilet bowls. Inexpensive. Without pathos.
- While I was sleeping - my wife cheated on me. - So how is it? - It's terrible! Approaching any woman, for three meters I start yelling: "I have a wife !!! ..".
- What is TWO IN ONE? - TWO IN ONE is a homosexual oral-anal sex triple ...
Visitor: Hello, doctor. I have a problem's. Doctor: (writes something in the medical history). Sit down, darling. Tell me. Visitor: I have ... an extinguished look. And the right shoulder is twitching. The doctor: (continuing to write) Valerian and two tablets pofigina at night - and as a hand, as a hand ... Visitor: At night I dream that I'm building underground pyramids in Tuscany. I am terribly worried about the safety of the frescoes and the behavior of the binder solution in contact with groundwater. Doctor: (looks up) What are you talking about. And what reinforce the foundation? I highly recommend twisted four four-rods - for centuries, you know, a run-in technique ... Visitor: Doctor, something is not right. On the phone number of people who did not call me, all the words on signboards and posters, for which the view clings - are crooked. My hamster does not talk to me the fourth day, he sits motionless in the corner of the cage and looks at me with the look of a bargraph aiming at Gandalf with the tip of a scourge. Doctor: Which, however, well-read animal! Have you tried to give him Russian classics? Visitor: Doctor, I feel and understand women. Doctor: (dropping glasses on the table, in a low voice) Op-punk ...
"Honey, did you buy the Fairy?" - Dear - "Fairy" was not, I bought vodka ... I think in half an hour unwashed dishes will be us on the drum !!!
Children played in "Seventeen Moments", The old neighbor climbed the steps. Chorus exclaimed: "Pleischner, failure !!!" ... The corpse was dragged into the neighbor cellar ...
Children played in the "Moments of Spring". - "Russian radio operator be Anechka you!" Luke thundered, nailing the beret ... No, the unfortunate Cat would not be saved ...
In the desert the camel goes. Proudly sits on it a Muslim, in front (wrapped in a veil) his wife goes. Go to the oasis, where the old man is sitting. "Ah, Ahmet, do not you know that a woman should not go on a Koran in front of a man?" The woman, embarrassed, steps back and hides behind a camel. "When the Koran was writing, there were no minefields." Go, Zulfiya, go!
Somehow all the deputies stand in the corridor in front of the office of the first person. There is a cleaning lady. - Why are you all gathered? - Yes, we will be heard right now ... - I also like Eurovision! Fuck you will!
A man comes to the doctor and complains that he has a small penis. The doctor gives him pills and says to drink one tablet a day. A man, when he came home, could not stand it - he ate the whole pack. In the morning wakes up, looks - a member of 15 meters. He wrapped his cock on his arm, put on his cloak, hid his hand under his cloak and went to that dot corporation to help, caught a taxi. The taxi driver asks him: "What are you wearing under your cloak?" The muzhik showed everything. The taxi driver says: - Let's go right now to my house, I'll show your member to my wife, otherwise I will tell you - I will not believe it, but I'll pay you for it free of charge. - Come on. They drive up to the taxi driver's house, the peasant says: "I'll sit here, and you take a member and bring it home." The taxi driver did so, comes home and says to his wife: "Check out which member is long, its owner is right now in my car sitting - You invite him home, I want to see this man. The taxi driver comes down, says: "Man, come to my house, your wife will drink tea." The man answers: - Quiet, someone fucks me.
Prissya guy to the doctor and says: M-Doctor, I have a member of the problem D- Take off your pants, darling, let's see. M-Doctor, you will laugh. "Well, there's another thing, I've seen enough of that, and Hippocrates's vow was giving." A man takes off his pants, and there ... well, almost a centimeter. The doctor hysterically laughs. M-Doctor, but you promised not to laugh !! Doctor, laughing: D- Sorry, could not restrain himself. So what bothers you, dear? M- Member swollen
Running father, jumping, censer above his head waving and the songs yelling church. All in shock: - Father, what are you doing? - I drive demon! > Men's logic:> - I'm on the bus. It is necessary to transfer to the ticket. A man stands nearby. How to address him - on you or on you? Logically. > This express bus. If a man did not get off at the previous stop, then he goes to my microdistrict. Goes with flowers, then, to a woman. The flowers are beautiful, so they go to a beautiful woman. In our neighborhood there are two beautiful women: my wife and my mistress. To my mistress, he can not go, because I myself go to her. So he goes to my wife. My wife has two lovers - Petya and Vasya. Petya is now on a business trip. "- Vasya, hand it over to the ticket! > Muzhik (stunned):> - How do you know me ?!
"Honey, did you buy the Fairy?" - Dear - "Fairy" was not, I bought vodka ... I think in half an hour unwashed dishes will be us on the drum !!!
A man comes to the doctor and complains that he has a small penis. The doctor gives him pills and says to drink one tablet a day. A man, when he came home, could not stand it - he ate the whole pack. In the morning wakes up, looks - a member of 15 meters. He wrapped his cock on his arm, put on his cloak, hid his hand under his cloak and went to that dot corporation to help, caught a taxi. The taxi driver asks him: "What are you wearing under your cloak?" The muzhik showed everything. The taxi driver says: - Let's go right now to my house, I'll show your member to my wife, otherwise I will tell you - I will not believe it, but I'll pay you for it free of charge. - Come on. They drive up to the taxi driver's house, the peasant says: "I'll sit here, and you take a member and bring it home." The taxi driver did so, comes home and says to his wife: "Check out which member is long, its owner is right now in my car sitting - You invite him home, I want to see this man. The taxi driver comes down, says: "Man, come to my house, your wife will drink tea." The man answers: - Quiet, someone fucks me.
Prissya guy to the doctor and says: M-Doctor, I have a member of the problem D- Take off your pants, darling, let's see. M-Doctor, you will laugh. "Well, there's another thing, I've seen enough of that, and Hippocrates's vow was giving." A man takes off his pants, and there ... well, almost a centimeter. The doctor hysterically laughs. M-Doctor, but you promised not to laugh !! Doctor, laughing: D- Sorry, could not restrain himself. So what bothers you, dear? M- Member swollen
Call on the phone: - Hello, is this a photograph? - No, this is a living person!
Sells a man in the market of a talking parrot. He has a red ribbon tied to one leg, and to the other - a blue ribbon. Zhenshina approaches and is interested: - Why is his ribbons tied? - You pull the blue one - speaks English, the red one - in French. - And if you pull, what will happen? The parrot does not stand up: - What will happen, what will happen!?! I'll fall on my ass!
There are two customs officers at the border. See - the guy is riding a bicycle, and on the trunk he has a pack of "Marlboro". - Here is a bastard, - says one, - excisable goods are transported. "You can not do anything, for personal needs, you can without duty," says the second. The next day see the same guy on a bicycle, and on the trunk - a pack of "Marlboro". "Bastard, I'm fining him right now." - Yes, calm down, he has the right. Personally for yourself. The situation is repeated every day for two months. As a result, both customs officers can not stand it. They approach the man on a bicycle and say: - Man, take our truck, load it there with cigarettes and carry it for one time. We will not even touch you, just do not get every day with a pack. - What do you want from me? I do not need your truck, I've already overtaken all the bicycles ...