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Honest penguin diary

Monday.
Today it is quite warm, only minus ten. In the morning, two groups of people landed on the shore. Something build seems to be wintering. Those who are poorer dressed often remember someone's mother and shoot cigarettes from their neighbors.

Tuesday.
Today guests came to our herd. They called themselves Germans and treated us to bananas. Yummy.

Wednesday.
Last night the Russians visited our flock. We were treated to firewater and called us Chukchi. After the third glass I fell with my beak into a snowdrift. In the morning I found that my eyes were looking in different directions. Maybe banana overeating?

Thursday.
Went to the Russians. The man in the bear coat showed his hand in the direction of the Germans and said: “Drag the bananas, Chukchi, then I will pour”. His name is Kostya. Very soulful person. This time I slept in a snowdrift with him.

Sunday.
The Germans give bananas all the reluctant.

Tuesday.
Yesterday the Germans did not give bananas at all. I stole from them some piece of iron with wires and brought Kostya. He said that the Chukchi was doing great, and poured me a glass of alcohol. Then they drank more for a successful business. They did not go to sleep in the snowdrifts: Kostya fell asleep at the table, but I could not reach the door.

Wednesday.
Today the Germans came to the Russians and demanded the return of the antenna. Kostya told them in Russian: "The banana is for you, not the antenna!". The Germans did not take a banana and left empty-handed. In the evening, the Germans came to search our flock. Looking for me to take off the skin. Well, what a fig taxes on businessmen! ..

Thursday.
At night, when everyone was asleep, I rolled all German barrels with diesel fuel to the Russians' cabin. The Germans got a panic. A healthy red-haired German shot from a gun and shouted: "The Chukchi Russians are partisans!" Fool! There was nothing to be sorry for bananas!

Friday.
The Germans sit without fuel and without a radio. Today it is a bit colder (minus forty), and they agreed to sit down at the negotiating table. I now live in Kostya’s room. He says that a businessman needs a roof.

Saturday.
Negotiations are on the second day. The Germans call me "Russian mafia". It turns out that all their barrels with diesel fuel were marked. Kostya presented documents to the Germans, according to which all their barrels were taken as trophies in 1945 during the breakthrough of the tank division of General Miroshnichenko to the city of Spandau.

Sunday.
The Russians sold a barrel of diesel to the Germans for ten thousand marks and three boxes of bananas. Say what you like, bananas are a cool snack! Using the blizzard, he went to the Germans and rolled the barrel back. What for? I do not know. Probably from the principle.

Monday.
The Russians returned a barrel to the Germans for some unfortunate thousand marks and a bottle of wine. Lord, what a disgusting drink these Germans!

Wednesday.
Russians demand rubles for diesel fuel, and the Germans only have brands. Kostya organized a currency exchange. The course of the brand immediately began to fall. Today, for one ruble you can buy 17,657 marks.

Saturday.
The Germans are asking for diesel credit. Kostya promised to think, for now he offered them humanitarian aid - one glass of diesel fuel a day. He explained to me that this humane action will raise our prestige. Hmmm ... Wise thing is business.

Sunday.
German women are asking us to work. They can be understood: we are warm and very fun. And now it seems to be even more fun.

Monday.
Kostya said that the Germans do not have democracy. And he is absolutely right! The German chief has the most disgusting physiognomy. And in general, he is such a miser: for an extra million marks is ready to strangle.

Tuesday.
Kostya did not bother to explain to the Germans how to build democracy, and they have been fighting for the second day already. And we look. Interesting! Today I put three hundred thousand marks on a redhead, but at the very beginning of the fight, the poor man was hit on the head with a stool. Redhead dropped his nose into a snowdrift. In the future construction of democracy, he did not participate.

Wednesday.
Long live business! The ruble is growing. I was allocated a separate office and security. What can you do, the Germans are pretty wild people: roam around our territory with axes. Yeah, wait, so I'll go out without security!

Friday.
Kostya showed me a receipt of red. Now my friend owns the family castle of Baron Schnapps and its surroundings. The redhead himself objected to such privatization, but his comrades showed him a stool - and the redhead quickly agreed.

Wednesday.
Wintering comes to an end. It's a pity! It is possible that the Germans still have a couple of other family firms and banks. Kostya persuades me to go with him to Russia. He says that right now his country needs such honest businessmen like me.

Without date.
Farewell to Antarctica! They say there is a lot of work in Russia. Kostya said that not only Germans, but also many different other nations live near Russia. It's good. Because the Germans know me too well. And with the rest we just have to meet. Re-ee-baty-a! .. I'm coming to you! ..


And subordinates affectionately call their Anal, their boss, Anatoly Alexandrovich!
After recounting the votes, the miner yesterday won Milan 4-0.
Only pigs can say that the Ukrainians are to blame for everything ...
A real woman can sew, knit, cook and hide all this carefully.
Politicians always think of the people, but never say what.
The more curly advertising, the more bald goods.
If non-alcoholic beer is the first step to a rubber woman, then alcoholic, in any way, to a leather one ...
If a person does not give a long time to object, he will forget all his arguments, and embed silently.
If the mean enemy is destroyed, then until the people come to their senses, it is urgent to appoint a new one.
Tell your constipation "Nn-no!".
Phrase chief "I had an interesting, promising idea!" - a sure sign that you have a tedious, stupid job.
The topological mystery of the Russian soul is to sit deep in the ass and at the same time look down on everyone.

The family is expecting more. The wife’s friend calls her happy husband: “Vova, I just found out!” I hasten to congratulate! It is a pity that not from you! -?!?! - I heard not from you!
Found gold earring. Lost the request to give the second for a fee.
Lezgins came and touched our hearts with a lezginka. Now we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Bulgarians.
NEWS: ... and meanwhile, some people are already hinting at the holding of elections in 2008 not for the president, but for the homeland ....
“Madam, just before this, I bought the second volume of Dead Souls from Gogol!” - Sir, have mercy - he's singed!
To better sleep, it is recommended to count the sheep. Well, I lie, I think: One, two, three, ..., seven, eight, .... I think further and somehow I feel uneasy. For some reason, I'm worried about the seventh sheep ...
I do not like it when my political opponents throw it to the right, then to the left. The goal is in the way.
The trucker gets a job at the traffic police. The commander sends him and more experienced team-mate on the track with a radar, beating so to speak. In the evening, the commander asked: - Well, how are you doing? Experienced answers: - What a success - I am standing with a radar, and this one is sitting next to me in the car and blinking in the high beam!
Dialogue in the meat department of the supermarket: Customer: - You gave me chicken legs, and I wanted wings. Seller: - You seem to have asked for legs. The customer: - So I changed my mind later.
- Girl, girl, and give me your mobile number? - Yes, I lost my mobile phone !!! - Well, this is what I know ...
They say that two eggs, if you stand on them carefully, can withstand the weight of the man h ... Can you imagine the reaction of this sunbathing person?
- Why are you so quick to marry before you leave? - Why, they offered a burning bride!
- Is it true that the army makes you rude, stupid, indifferent, independent and aggressive? “I don’t know, and I’m going to fuck too ... I’ll go ask the ensign ... or I will give you a fucking lady ...”
- Do not ship me, I am not a cargo ship. I am a tanker, pour me.
- Taking advantage of the moment, I want to say hello to friends who also use "The Moment" ...
- Mom, Dad, meet. This ... This will live with us!
Jerusalem. Israel opens a new TV channel that broadcasts to neighboring Arab countries. The first transfer of the new channel will be a cycle about the benefits of smoking.
Verona. The Alfa-Romeo company is switching to the production of Alfa-Juliet cars. All the same, but without the exhaust pipe.
- Neighbor, why doesn't your husband walk the dog? - He and the women have enough!
Yesterday decided what to buy beef or liver. I offered to throw a coin. The wife, far from mythology, immediately said: "The eagle will fall - the liver."
A call on the phone: - Hello. Answer: - And you hello, good man ...
- I want to say that people are not afraid of the cops. After all, we, cops, are also people, and after work we are also afraid of cops who are at work.
- Oh, girls! How many I had them! Kilometers!
- When our commander shouted: “Attack!”, We had this chip on “Hurray!”!
- Here before the condom cost three pennies ... And the pie with jam - five! - It’s like eight kopecks to take a walk!
- Girls! I made a plastic surgery. Here pulled up, then removed! Also left on the handbag!
- Helena? - Hello Pasha! - Hi, Elena! Elena, I fell in love with Olga. - Olga? But what about me? - Sorry, I completely forgot! How are you, Elena?
In the Netherlands, in the near future, light pedophilia, light rape and light murder without aggravating circumstances will be legalized after the light drugs.
In the chicken coop advertisement: - And now the white dance - chickens trample roosters ...
Feast. Noisy, fun. Suddenly something falls. - The saucer fell. - So, someone else will come to us. - Strange: either a woman or a man. “Uncle Arkady will come,” says Little Johnny. - He's a fagot!
The man decided to sell his new VMW, stuck an ad with his cell number on the rear window. Driving through the city, stopped in traffic. Suddenly a call to the cellular: - Do you sell the car? - Well yes. - Over 1000 bucks takin. The guy is stunned: - What are you, the patient - 1000 bucks for a new behu? !! - Well, okay, 1200. - Listen - back off, it's not funny ... - There is no bazaar, not funny ... Look back - I'm going from behind on decommissioned Kamaz. I will call you back in a minute - if you don’t sell for 1200 - I’ll give you gas and break your ass back to hell. And hangs up. The man turns back, sees a broken-down Kamaz from behind, and there he is grinning, and he becomes ill. At this time, the call again. Another voice: - Do you sell the car? The peasant's hands are already shaking: - Yes ... - Did the sucker from Kamaz call you? Man: - Called ... - How many offered? - 1200 bucks. The voice is thoughtfully like this: “It beats the price, the goat ... In general, it’s like this: I can’t offer more than 500 bucks, the salary is being delayed ... But when you make a decision, consider: I’m to your left at BeLaz.
- Are you going to Rabinovich's funeral? - Why should I go? Do you think he will come to mine?
A young Jew stands in front of the entrance to heaven and knocks on the door. - I want to go to heaven! - Young man, but for this you need to perform some noble act ... - I went up to the Roman Caesar and in my eyes told him everything I think about this tormentor of the Jews! - And when was it? - Ten minutes ago!
Two Jews discuss their Rebbe. - A recently he made a miracle! A lame man was brought into the synagogue and he said: "Throw the crutches and go!" - And what's lame? - He fell and crashed. - So what is a miracle? - But I saw it with my own eyes!
Popurgunya-parrot
Summer red sang,
I did not have time to look back
How come the winter.

And she went to Muraposhka:
"Muraposhka, Muraposhka,
Give me a piece of cake! "

"Zhok!" Said Muraposhka, -
Have you been singing all summer? She sang.
did the teahouse sit? "
Jok! said Muraposhka, -
... you, not a cake! "

Recently, Michael Jackson admitted his guilt, and now seeks to be put in a colony, for non-adults.
Yesterday an attempt was made on the President of Mongolia. Fortunately, the arrow could not penetrate the ram leather armor.
The Tutsi band gave a charity concert. All the money went on a hot dog.
VAZ has released a new car, which will be 15% better than nothing.
Due to the poverty of the Romanian cinema, director Ionescu presented his new photo at the Cannes Film Festival.
Due to weather conditions, it did not rain in Vladikavkaz.
Yesterday, the Adjara boxing team otmarila Romania national team in rhythmic gymnastics.
To increase attendance, the site Ukupnik now allowed to smoke.
Banal flu saved Rostov-on-Don from Nikita Malinin's tour.

Army dictionary:
The commander (chief) is a half-demi-god who personally determines the number of sexual acts with the brains of a subordinate.
Sauna - a set of activities aimed at achieving the effect of cleansing the body with elements of sex and fragments of birch leaves on the ass.
The third day I do not want to work. I do not understand what happened ... -So today is Wednesday!
Requires a secretary, work experience at least 3 times.
"Che for bullshit?" - Mendeleev thought, waking up ... but still recorded.

Gerasim called his dog not MU-MU!
Just Turgenev did not dare to call the book <OAEEUIIAYUY>

- Doctor, and you really can determine the disease of a person by his favorite literary work?
- Yes of course! What is your favorite book?
- "What to do" Chernyshevsky ...
- Taa-ak .... And how long have you been?

A man and a woman passionately make love at the edge of the forest.
Suddenly, a bear appears in a clearing. And says:
- Dear, my respect, but do you really not ashamed to debase the virginal beauty and chastity of this forest with such a shameless act of animal intercourse?
Silence...
- Yes, I'm kidding! PREVED !!!

The wife approaches her husband, who sits on the Internet at night and says:
- Let's have something to do with sex, eh?
He replied to her (not looking up from the monitor):
- Go start, I'll come in 10 minutes.

In the restaurant:
- Brm ... uh ... brm ... Hm ...
- Listen to you.
- Vdh ... vdh ... um ... dv ... vdh ... bld ...
- Vodka?
- Mldz ... bld ...

A couple comes to see a gynecologist, the husband describes the situation:
"Doctor, we arrived yesterday from the resort, where the day before departure we were engaged in diving, and my wife got into pi @ doo or crab or someone else there ... in short, you need to get him from there!"
Well, the doctor conducts the inspection, sees that in usual ways this reptile is not available and says to the peasant, "You stick a member there, the crab will cling to it, and you pull it out ..." The peasant did not like this idea, he refused, "Who among us Doctor? Here you go, work! "
Well, the doctor attached himself, stuck in, pulls out - there is no reptile ... once again, no again ... well, he entered into the taste-fucked * t patient in full growth. The guy slaps him on the shoulder, "Doc, what are you? Fucking?" The doctor almost in ecstasy yells: "YES I WILL HAVE BETTER THERE NAKH * Y"

The most active participant in the gay parade, as expected, was the Moscow riot police.

But who will explain to me why such a difference in the attitude of men to women, and women to men? Here in the sex shop, women are sold entirely, and men only spare parts.

Somehow during the working day, a wife comes into the office of her husband, the director of a large enterprise, and sees the following picture: the husband is right on the desktop making love to a young secretary. Silent scene. After a short pause, her husband casually “comes out” of the secretary and strictly declares: - So, for the first time, you are left, and the next time you are fired!

- Oh, how small, how pretty! And what does this little pain mean?
Puziko hurt us? On the papilla, uncle now will cure everything!
- Son, do not come yet, here with some kind of trouble with the doctor!

- Make a third wish
-I want something that I have never tried
-Here you shit polar bear
-Oh! Just like "Orbit shit poo polar bear"

The little boy made a wish that he had a birthday every day.
After 2 months, he grew old and died.

- Mom, where's dad?
- In the bank.
- What is he doing there?
- Works.
- By whom?
- sperm!

Thousands of feathers on white snow ...
Hundreds of beaks frozen into the ice ...
The painting Savrasov "The Rooks hurried."

Peace Labor may. This is much better than war and unemployment in mid-February.

There was a boy in the world who was terribly afraid of the dark.
Therefore, every time he blinked, he lost consciousness ...

Working with beautiful women is theoretically possible, but in practice it costs all the time ...

- Mom, well, I already have 16! why don't you still allow me to paint my lips ??
- Andrew, shut up !!!

Telephone call:
- Hello.
Answer:
- And you hello, good man.

An old Jew comes out of his house and sees a huge rainbow over the city. He looked and said: - Oh! They have money for that!
Winnie the Pooh and Piglet Goldfish caught. She, as usual, undertook to fulfill three wishes. Winnie the Pooh (gasping with delight): - I have a barrel of honey! And a barrel of honey! .. Piglet: - Winnie, Winnie! And me!? - And you are a hundred x "@ # in @ @ # *! - Viiiiiiiiiiiiiii !!!
In ancient Rus, there was the capital city of Kiev, and a terrible monster with three heads attacked him. One head feels hot, the other shatters with cold, and the third one yells: - Well, fuck, get out !!!!
- How does a hare differ from Khrushchev? - The hare does not like to gab.
Geological exploration was tasked to find the mine in which Khrushchev worked, and counterintelligence to find those geologists who are looking for this mine.
Khrushchev himself wrote his report and, before giving a speech, showed a friend: “They will not tell all the sneers and truths, even if something is wrong.” A friend has read and says: - I will tell you, Nikita, with all the directness. You have two mistakes. "Asshole" is written together, and "ass" - separately.
Biological clock: now with a cuckoo! A speaker is a part of an electric motor, the main purpose of which is to yell at the rotor and stator. A cultural person also thinks about everything with the help of a mat, but then he always thinks about how to better express it, so that no one thinks about how he thinks about all this. Political correctness - is the science of how to talk to these dirty niggers. People in the regions like to watch the "Road Patrol" because my Muscovites are showing up there. Before you make love with a man - you need to feed him, otherwise stroking your breast, he will try to get milk from her. Sociology is an exact science: how much you pay, you get so much. The devils danced merrily around vodka and shouted in unison “No to drugs!” ...
Of course, they don’t congratulate them in advance, but ... ALL of Estonia’s residents - HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!
If a guy with a girl went to the forest to pick berries and the guy came back contentedly - it means they picked few berries!
Last summer ... Yulia Tymoshenko began fulfilling Yulia Tymoshenko’s duties. Julia's husband is still in shock ...
Hammerfish is found in the blue waters of the Pacific Ocean and it slaughters everything that comes its way. She is most likeable to students of our Polytechnic ...
In the subway, a pregnant woman killed a disabled person. As the detainee said, the quarrel arose from the fact that they were trying to find out which of them is more polite ...
“Could you marry a scoundrel just for his money?” - What do you - statistics are collected, or make a formal proposal?
- Do you have a bank account? - Yes, there is - but, unfortunately, it is not in my favor ...
In connection with the struggle for the client, Megafon has installed 15 thousand towers, released dogs and guards. Now no one will leave the service area!
- What's wrong with you, baby? - Doctor, I have the flu ... (after 20 minutes) - Honey, your flu is already 8 weeks old ...
The village doctor is driving at high speed. His wife says to him: - Reduce speed, and then the police will stop! - Nothing, I told him to lie at home in bed all day ...
- I will play better in the "Russian Roulette" ... I was on the forum of this game, read the reviews - can you imagine: NO LOSERS!
Sits family at the table, having lunch. Son reluctantly picks his fork in the plate. Father: - Eat, eat! And then the pussy does not grow! Wife: - What do you teach a child!? ... I would rather eat myself!
- Sanya, did you hear - the zoo was closed for a week? - What happened? - The elephant is dead. - grieving ?! - Eat!
Ruthless deep ocean! But the creatures that slide in it ........................ are good for Zhiguli beer!
- And let's go to war on the Moldovans? - It is meaningless - they build faster than we will destroy! - Then, let's go to war against the Chinese? - It is meaningless - they multiply faster than we will destroy them! - Then we will go to war on stupid amerikosov! - Mr. President - we are stupid Americans ...
“Son, we have a present for you and mom!” In the spring you will have a brother !!! - Again this fool is released from prison ...
Advertising: You have no relatives? You are alone? Will your apartment to us! You will have a magnificent funeral and funeral commemoration!
A client reproaches a lawyer: - You assured that you would achieve an excuse for my wife, and she was sentenced to a year of forced labor ... - So, she didn’t let me put in words at the trial! the lawyer exclaimed.
- Doctor, and take slippers to the hospital? - What color do you have?
- Just think, he has two higher education! I have five primary!
From life. Today, a familiar lady sits in a taxi and wakes out on Tolstoy Square (in Kiev, it was) - and there is a paving stone. - Oh, what a vibration! - says the young lady. - A couple of laps to drive? - the taxi driver calmly asks.
Today, the mood is vigorous Today something will change! Where to begin? - I will answer firmly: I'll start with a penis enlargement! No wonder I’m sending letters from Tennessee, and from New York - from Fifth Street: "Take care of increasing the penis!" - Damn, all of America is worried! No one will condemn me for this - After all, with a new penis, another life will begin! It may not be standing anymore, But I will become my mother - dear mother!
I am finally disappointed in life ... You can not believe anything! Opened the door, on which was the inscription "Men" - and there was a toilet !!!
Roorlist - section "Contacts" on the website of the Russian Orthodox Church.
I love the sound of female heels ... behind my back in bed and each other.
Wife to husband: - Honey, I want to scream ... - Honey, Aral has long dried up ...
Most people do not know that large pieces of coral, painted with cinnamon with neva paint and nailed to the skull with ordinary nails, make the child look like a deer ...
Announcement: We change sewer pipes, we clean toilet bowls. Inexpensive. Without pathos.
- While I was sleeping, my wife coded me for treason. - So how? - Awful! Approaching any woman, for three meters I start to shout: "I have a wife !!! ..".
- What is TWO IN ONE? - TWO IN ONE - this is a homosexual oral-anal threesome ...
Visitor: Hello, doctor. I have a problem's. Doctor: (writes something in the history of the disease). Sit down, darling. Tell me about it. Visitor: I have ... faded look. And twitching right shoulder. Doctor: (continuing to write) Valeryanka and two tablets of Pofigin for the night - and like a hand, like a hand ... Visitor: At night I dream that I build underground pyramids in Tuscany. I am terribly worried about the preservation of the frescoes and the behavior of the binder solution in contact with the groundwater. Doctor: (looks up) What are you saying. And what reinforcing the foundation? I highly recommend twisted red rods - for centuries, you know, a run-in technique ... Visitor: Doctor, something is going wrong. On the identifier, the phones of the people who have not called me, all the words on the signs and posters for which the eye clings are the same root. My hamster does not talk to me for the fourth day, he sits motionless in the corner of a cage and looks at me with the look of a barlog, aiming at Gandalf with the tip of a whip. Doctor: What, however, well-read beast! You did not try to give him a Russian classic? Visitor: Doctor, I feel and understand women. Doctor: (dropping his glasses on the table, in a low voice) Op-punk ...
- Honey, did you buy Fairy? - Dear - “Fae” was not there, I bought vodka ... I think half an hour later we will have dirty dishes on the drum !!!
The children played in "Seventeen Moments," the old neighbor climbed the stairs. The chorus exclaimed: "Pleyshner, failure !!!" ... The corpse was dragged into the neighbor's basement ...
The kids were playing Spring Moments. - "Russian radio operator be Anya you!" Luke thundered, nailing the beret ... No, the unfortunate Kat will not be saved ...
A camel is walking in the desert. The Mussulmanin sits proudly on it, in front (wrapped in a burqa) his wife goes. They approach the oasis, there the old man sits. - Ay, Ahmet, don't you know that a woman should not go ahead of a man on the Koran? The woman, embarrassed, moves back and hides behind a camel. - When the Koran wrote - there were no minefields. Go, Zulfiya, go!
All the deputies in the corridor in front of the first-person cabinet stand somehow. There is a cleaning lady. - What are you all gathered? - Yes, they will hear us right now ... - Eurovision too! Fuck you will !!!
A man comes to the doctor and complains that he has a small penis. The doctor gives him a pill and says to drink one pill a day. The man, when he came home, could not stand it - he ate the whole pack. In the morning wakes up, looks - a member of 15 meters. He wrapped the dick in his hand, put on his raincoat, hid his hand under his raincoat and drove to that dotcore to help him, catch a taxi. The taxi driver asks him: - What are you doing there under the raincoat? The guy showed oasskazal everything. The taxi driver says: “Let's take a trip to my house right now, I will show your member to my wife, otherwise I’ll tell you, I won’t believe it, but I’ll take you for free.” - Come on. A taxi driver arrives at the house, the man says: - I will sit here, and you take a member and bring it home. The taxi driver did so, comes home and says to his wife: - Check it out, which member is long, his owner is sitting in my car right now - You invite him home, let me look at this guy. The taxi driver comes down, says: - Man, send me to my house, your wife will drink tea with you. The guy answers: - Quiet, someone fucks me.
The man stuck to the doctor and said: M-Doctor, I have a member of the problem D- Take off your pants, darling, we'll see. M-Doctor, you will laugh. Well, here's another, I saw enough of this, and I also gave the Hippocratic Oath. A man takes off his pants, and there ... well, almost a centimeter. The doctor laughs hysterically. M-Doctor, but you promised not to laugh !! The doctor, laughing: D- Sorry, could not resist. So what are you worried, dear? M-Member swollen
The father runs, jumps, waves a cense over his head, and the church shouts. All in shock: - Father, what are you doing? - I drive besaaaaaa !!! > Men's logic:> - I'm going on the bus. It is necessary to transfer to the ticket. Nearby is a man. How to address him - on you or on you? I think logically. > This bus is an express. If a man did not get off at the previous stop, it means that he is going to my neighborhood. Riding with flowers, then to the woman. Flowers are beautiful, it means that she goes to a beautiful woman. There are two beautiful women in our neighborhood: my wife and my mistress. He cannot go to my mistress, since I myself am going to her. So he goes to my wife. My wife has two lovers - Peter and Vasya. Peter is on a business trip now. > - Vasya, pass on the ticket! > Man (stunned):> - How do you know me ?!
- Honey, did you buy Fairy? - Dear - “Fae” was not there, I bought vodka ... I think half an hour later we will have dirty dishes on the drum !!!
A man comes to the doctor and complains that he has a small penis. The doctor gives him a pill and says to drink one pill a day. The man, when he came home, could not stand it - he ate the whole pack. In the morning wakes up, looks - a member of 15 meters. He wrapped the dick in his hand, put on his raincoat, hid his hand under his raincoat and drove to that dotcore to help him, catch a taxi. The taxi driver asks him: - What are you doing there under the raincoat? The guy showed oasskazal everything. The taxi driver says: “Let's take a trip to my house right now, I will show your member to my wife, otherwise I’ll tell you, I won’t believe it, but I’ll take you for free.” - Come on. A taxi driver arrives at the house, the man says: - I will sit here, and you take a member and bring it home. The taxi driver did so, comes home and says to his wife: - Check it out, which member is long, his owner is sitting in my car right now - You invite him home, let me look at this guy. The taxi driver comes down, says: - Man, send me to my house, your wife will drink tea with you. The guy answers: - Quiet, someone fucks me.
The man stuck to the doctor and said: M-Doctor, I have a member of the problem D- Take off your pants, darling, we'll see. M-Doctor, you will laugh. Well, here's another, I saw enough of this, and I also gave the Hippocratic Oath. A man takes off his pants, and there ... well, almost a centimeter. The doctor laughs hysterically. M-Doctor, but you promised not to laugh !! The doctor, laughing: D- Sorry, could not resist. So what are you worried, dear? M-Member swollen
Phone call: - Hello, is this a photo? - No, this is a living person!
Sells a man in the market talking parrot. He has a red ribbon attached to one leg, and a blue ribbon to the other. A woman fits and asks: - Why does he have ribbons tied? - You pull over the blue - speaks in English, for the red - in French. - And if for both to pull, what will happen? The parrot does not stand: - What will be, what will be!?! In the ass fall!
There are two customs officers at the border. They see a man riding a bicycle, and he has a pack of “Marlboro” on the trunk. “Here is a reptile,” one says, “excisable goods are taxing.” “You can’t do anything for personal needs, you can without a fee,” says the second. The next day, they see the same guy on a bicycle, and on the trunk - a pack of "Marlboro". - Bastard, I'll fine him now. - Yes, calm down you, he has the right. Personally for yourself. The situation is repeated every day for two months. As a result, both customs officers already do not stand up. They approach a peasant on a bicycle and say: - Man, take our truck, load it with cigarettes and take it at a time. We will not even touch you, just do not reach every day with a pack. - What do you want from me? I do not need your truck, I have already overtaken all bikes ...