My Blog: Jokes Jokes Jokes Stories
- Dad, where do the children come from? - Ah, son, if I knew this then! ...
The footman enters the living room: - Sir! The car is fed ... Will you take out the garbage?
In the perfume shop: - Madame, do you have perfumes for attack or for self-defense?
What disease do you like? - Scabies. Why? - Scratched and still want. And which one doesn’t? - Hemorrhoids, neither see yourself, nor show people.
What is a queue? - This is an organized trip to the counter.
Is it possible to kill mother-in-law with cotton wool? - Yes, if you wrap the iron in it.
For the Pentagon general, a display of electronic equipment was arranged that allowed them to conduct military operations, sitting in a safe place. Having descended into a comfortable underground bunker, the generals found themselves in a large hall, covered with electronic equipment with various displays, buttons and switches. A voice came from the loudspeaker through the hall: “You are in the center of combat operations control.” All operations are carried out automatically. You press the button, and the missiles rush to their goals. By pressing another button you make strategic bombers take off. Another click on the button - and submarines with missiles on board attack their targets. The equipment is absolutely reliable. Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ...
Inspecting the ranks of the soldiers, the company officer turned to the sergeant accompanying him: - Tomorrow inspectors will come to us. Put that newcomer in the second line. His nose is too long. “So I already did it, sir,” the sergeant answered.
The fined private was called into the company office. When he left there, a friend asked him: “What did the sergeant say to your explanations?” - Nothing. I just lost two front teeth that I had been planning to tear for a long time.
If you find yourself in a complete asshole - take a circular defense. A person can know wisdom in three ways: read wise books, learn from wise people, or pee on a bare wire under tension ... A black woman at 45 - a prune woman again! I went somehow to make two of us ... You can’t fry nails to the festive table? Call us now. City Psychiatric Hospital. If your palms often sweat, think about whether it is lubrication ... He sat under an artificial Christmas tree, drank a can of non-alcoholic beer, and began to inflate a rubber woman with habitual movements! From the notes of the press: "The New Year went well, I don’t give anything to anyone ...". It seems to me that the boss’s toast at a corporate party: “May all your dreams come true next year” very often be deeply suicidal ... Hurry! Pirate copies of the President’s New Year’s address to the people on the occasion of the upcoming 2007 have already gone on sale! Hit of the season: women's underwear piggy bank.
Girls, want to live like Madonna? Dressing like a Madonna? Drive a car like Madonna? Go and work like a Madonna!
Tank? Why be afraid of him? It is enough to turn it over - and it will not do anything to you ...
“God, why so: the whole ten commandments?” Maybe let them be five? - Moses, do not bargain! - And where is it said: "Do not bargain"?
On New Year's Eve, half-drunk bees ravaged the den of a sleeping bear, while shouting: “Do you like honey, love and chill!”
- I repeat once again: before making a jump from the plane, pull the ring strongly, and when this dear tsatska is removed from the finger, throw it back into the cabin under my feet. Just in case...
“Girl — you go so sweetly with your beautiful eyes on the road, probably out of modesty?” - Nah ... So as not to step into the snot!
“Sick, I have two news for you, good and bad.” Where do we start? - Let's get the bad news and not a word about the good! - Why ?! - You see, I'm a journalist by profession ...
Did you know that ... A new two-volume book ended in an attempt by Daria Dontsova to paint a pen.
Yesterday in the area of Sheremetyevo-2 suffered, but then citizen Petrov could not.
- Why did Uncle Petya ride his bicycle to the country faster than Uncle Vasya in a car? “Because Uncle Petya was sober.”
Timeline. According to Russian press reports from places of deprivation of liberty - bird flu spread to people - a massive death of roosters was recorded.
Yesterday, a double murder was committed in Kitai Gorod: unknown people shot two hundred Chinese ....
Someone explain - why do we have so many animals in our city? Sincerely, resident of Bobruisk.
- Hello, the police! - Yes! - Then two drunken niggas rakered a window! “I mean, two African-Americans?” - In the sense - two afrodiscovering!
- Why are children usually divorced from their mothers when they divorce? - A woman judge cannot allow a child to receive a normal upbringing instead of anger and envy ...
In the Moscow grocery store, one saleswoman says another: - Len, you hear - there the drunk buyer screams that he is Ukrainian! - Well, sell him fat ... - Len, he screams that he demands respect for himself ... - Well, sell him oranges!
Night call. - Doctor, come soon! My husband told me about the international situation. And with his manner of gesturing ...
Drunkenness fight! What a fight ... give up ...
Surprisingly, with the word "cant" - only 15% recall the doorway, 10% look "curious" and only 5% about fish ...
A sign on the lawn next to the parking lot: "Whoever puts on the lawn is darned ...".
- Are you talented? - Why do you think so? “Your sister is very small.”
At the Moscow zoo, the leopard Senya went crazy trying to eat a gazelle ... The driver managed to jump out.
A man with his wife is walking through the market. We went into the meat row. A man began to ask the price, bargain, decently knocked down the price. We bought meat, my wife and I are leaving the counter. And then the seller purposely says loudly to his neighbor: - Hey, Mash! But last week he came from another! That's how to bargain in the market! More expensive to yourself ...
Sleeping women are very similar to men ... They also know how to snore and fart at the same time.
Our company provides everything you need for your business: American technology, German design, Italian design, Moscow roof.
The last thing Pavlik Morozov heard before his death was: “Here you are, bitch, not an extra ten bucks” ...
Ambulance call: - Help! My husband is full and wants to sleep! - Girl, drink another ...
- Dad, buy me a snake, dad - well, buy it! - What, son, is not enough for you ?! Look around - mom is standing behind ...
The doorbell rings on the doorstep of a neighbor: - Neighbor, can I ask you for a loan? - How many? - Yes, I would be in marital duty as much as you can ...
A nurse in the morgue saw a huge member of the next applicant and called the nurse to look ... She looked and said: - My husband is the same! - So big ?! - The same dead ...
Is he. Lies on his back with his hands behind his head. A woman has been crawling all over his body for half an hour now, trying to somehow excite him ... He, lighting a cigarette: - And often you do that? ...
The editorial board of the newspaper, the chief runs in: - So - stop, layout! We are filming this article, we are putting in its place an urgent announcement ... - Well, Vanvani-y-ich ... We are already going home ... - Calm, colleagues: paid. Local bank - Ah! Another thing! What kind of text? - The text as usual: "The bank urgently needs a security guard, collector and cashier." - How to arrange on the page? - They paid well, so you need to draw something more discreetly ... Ahh, here: circle this ad with a bold black frame.
A man comes home with a live goat in his arms and finds his wife sitting in front of the TV. - Look, dear - this is the very cow I make love with when your head hurts ... The wife looks at him contemptuously and says: “Lord, you are so stupid that you cannot distinguish a goat from a cow.” .. - Lord - you are so stupid that you can’t understand that I’m talking with a goat!
Two new Uzbeks are lying on the beach. One says: “I want to be a minister.” They carry the minister in a car. You can lie and do nothing. Another, - And I want to be a snake. - ??? - She even walks lying down!
At the bakery, the buyer asks: - Tell me, do you have buns with poppy seeds? - Maybe you also give a loaf of heroin?
A black man rides in a taxi, holds a small monkey in his hands, which grabs the driver all the time and prevents him from driving. Negro calms the monkey: - Nikki! Do not shawl! Nikki! Do not shawl! The monkey continues on. The taxi driver turns to the monkey: - Nikola! Old Man must be obeyed!
The office, which is engaged in the repair of cell phones, consists of two: a healthy new Russian, all lined with gold, and a little, scarlet, puffy little intellectual. The new Russian goes to the window that says "Receiving and issuing orders", pulls out the phone from his pocket and throws it out the window with the words: - What kind of toppers !!! An intellectual runs out from behind him, puts his head in the window and says: “Excuse me, Nikolai Petrovich asks why the phone is not working?” The girl who lives on the other side of the window takes the phone and carries it to be checked. After a while, she returns and hands out a new phone to the new Russian, saying that he is broken, look at this one. The new Russian picks up the phone: - What kind of tops?!?!?!? Intelligent: - Nikolay Petrovich is interested in how he works?
Entrance notice: "Dear residents, the district government asks you to pay gas bills by the end of the month. In case of non-payment, the gas will be released through the ventilation pipes."
The car is at full speed, flies into the red light, barely knocks down the bicycle sedist, knocks down his grandmother, and finally crashes into a pole. The woman sitting behind the wheel turns to the peasant with glass eyes in the next seat: “Well, dear, your hiccup has passed?”
A man returns from the pub at night. Beer asks for a way out. The elevator does not work. A bullet takes off to the 7th floor, frantically opens the door - and on tiptoe, so as not to wake his wife, unfastening his trousers on the go, rushes to the toilet. He jerks open the door and sees such a picture - the mother-in-law sits on the toilet in a nightgown with a player and listens to the Brothers Grim. Her eyes are slowly rounded and focused below the waist. In the silence of the night, only music is heard ... The first man does not stand up: - Mom, what are we waiting for ?! Chlo-o-opay eyelashes - and take off!
How much vodka do not drink, the body is still 80 "consists of water
A man rides along the highway in a wheelbarrow, and behind him a crocodile is tied by a leash and runs after it. Crocodile boring: - Well, paws in the sand, tummy in the sand, a muzzle in the sand. And so all the way. A man stops, throws a crocodile in the trunk and goes on. A voice from the trunk: -Well, pinched the paws, pinched the tail, pinched the muzzle ... The man stops and pulls the crocodile out. - Well, here again - paws in the sand, tummy in the sand, a muzzle in the sand ... A man becomes wild and again throws the crocodile into the trunk. - Well, as always ... pinched the paws, pinched the tail ... What a boring guy you are !!!
A mole got out of the ground on the beach, right between the legs of a tanning girl ... sniffed and grit: - Are you a hedgehog? .... chtol died?
Two friends are talking: - You know, if my boyfriend does not congratulate me on my birthday - he will get such a fuck ... - Sveta, he is dating you - he IS ALREADY fucked !!!
Hemingway sits in a bar in Cuba, sip daiquiri. And at the next table two bearded men sit and drink rum in glasses. Then the waiter politely lays the bill on the table, and the bearded men, scratching their curly beards - don’t say stick your bill to yourself ... you don’t see the beard - we are from Fidel Castro’s police. They got up and left.
Two others sat in their place, ate vodka with sandwiches and also refused to pay - you see a beard, they say, we are from Fidel Castro’s police.
The waiter, almost crying, bears the bill to Hemingway, and he without hesitation says - no, I won’t pay. The waiter quietly sniffs - and you, gringo, why? Hemingway unfastens his fly and, showing curly hair, says - and I'm from the SECRET police.
- So, visiting our program today is a graduate of the faculty of international relations at MGIMO, holder of grants from Belgian and Dutch universities, MBA graduate and Microsoft certificate holder Maria Petrova. Maria, tell us about yourself, what you live with, what you are fond of, in addition to studying, researching and working as a top manager. - I am fond of water polo, photography, non-linear video editing, curling, oral sex, anal sex, group sex, am a member of five swingers clubs .. - What are you spinning ??! WHAT ARE YOU SPLASHING!?!? - I weave macrame, embroider stitch, crochet ...
Love girls both in peace and in war ...
War. Soldiers sit in the trenches and shoot back. Suddenly a satisfied soldier bursts from a nearby trench: -You are sitting here. -Well war. We shoot at enemies. -And in a nearby trench, a nurse gives everyone. - What is it for everyone? Yes, absolutely. -And in the ass? -Oh sure. -And takes it in your mouth? - No, it doesn’t. -And why? -And her head grenade tore off!
A terrible animal wound up in the forest - a fucker. There was no life at all from him, so he got sick of everyone. And the animals went with a bow to the Serpent Gorynych. “Help out,” they say, “three-headed!” I won’t save from this parasite, how to get distracted - it’s right there, and nowhere to go ... And the Serpent went to deal with this miracle in the forest. How long, briefly, he went into the clearing, in the middle of the clearing - a stump, and someone is sitting on a stump. - Who are you? - asks the Serpent. “Well, the locals called them a fucker,” says the animal. Here the Serpent as it floods, flaps its wings, breathes fire, just that it does not let smoke out of ears - it causes fear. He made a noise, made a noise and threateningly asks: “What, scarecrow, is it scary ?!” - Oh, scary! - answered the animal. - For the first time, I’ll be so terrible!
A man wakes up one morning, approaches a mirror. Look, and instead of a belly button - a nut. Well, he decided to go to the doctor. Comes: - Doctor, here I have a nut instead of a belly button. Help, huh? The doctor looked, felt, shrugged his shoulders: - And she, nut then, bothers you? - No, no ... - Well, let it be so. This disease is unknown to medicine. The man returned home. And all he lacks: what kind of nut is this? He took the key and unscrewed it. Just unscrewed: broads - the ass fell off. Moral: Do not seek adventure on your ass.
- Do you like to drink beer with squid? - No, I like more with friends ...
... An error occurred in your work at our company. Try to quit and get a job again ... Favorite stage of intoxication: I can still walk and talk - but it's already fun. Give me half a liter of vodka - and I will tell you how to get the country out of the crisis ... If a person is attracted to everything negative, it means that he is so positive, or he was simply rubbed heavily on an ebonite stick. According to the military registration and enlistment office, the average Russian conscript is a gay Hare Krishna suffering from flat feet. I look at you and see - there is little vodka! The first chat for autists has opened ... According to the rules of the chat, only one user can be in it. It’s stupid to try to have time to explain something in words in the intervals between blows to the face - it turns out slurred and often have to be repeated. If your boss is the last bastard, don’t tell anyone about it! It’s better to wait until someone else says it, and then tell the boss. Let's add to the existential contemplation of this vodka its empirical perception ... ... The system engineer has performed an unacceptable operation and will be released.
- Why does Tymoshenko have such a strange hairstyle? - At the request of Yushchenko. - And what is it to him? - It’s convenient when she has a steering wheel on her head ...
- Yesterday, I caught cockroaches in the apartment. Three had to be released. - Why? - Their documents were in order.
Client: - I need an apartment with a back door. Broker: - Here he is. Client: - And where is the front door? Broker: - So you also need a formal dress? !!
- Do you have a separate bathroom? - Yes! The toilet is on the balcony, the tank is in the kitchen ...
Girls in the lake swam, Their hopes were realized ...
Call to the hotel administrator: - The light in the room interferes with me and the water in the bathroom murmurs, how can I turn it off? - You see, we have an all-inclusive hotel.
Scientists crossed the rabbit and Pavlov’s dog. God forbid you enter the cell and turn on the light.
- Grisha, what did we drink yesterday? - Dry. - Why am I wet? !!
From life. A couple of days ago, manager Sasha called his wife and said that he would come home very late. Then he got into the car and rushed home. - Well, how? - I ask him the next day. - Caught? - Still would! I knew that when I was gone, she puts on my slippers !!!
Alexander Lukashenko, following the wishes of 97% of the population of Belarus, put forward his candidacy for the election of the Pope.
- Why was Yulia Tymoshenko appointed chairman of the government of Ukraine? “Because she cannot be a member of the government!”
- Do you want to once and for all tie with the past? - Crash the hard drive!
Morning crush on the subway on Monday. Woman, loudly: - Young man, do not breathe on me! - And who should I breathe? “I don't know, I don't care!” - So me too!
2100 year. There are fierce debates in the Dutch Episcopal Church about the possibility of recognizing heterosexual marriages.
He saw her and exclaimed: - Wow! She answered him: - THIS IS - no!
“This is well, well, well, for good reason,” said Winnie the Pooh, taking a vibrator out of his ass ...
The teacher takes the “Playboy” from the student: - I want to see your parents tomorrow! “Why wait until tomorrow?” Here they are - page 42-43!
Case in a sex shop. - Could you show this inflatable model? - Here - just your size. “Is she fresh?” - Of course, here is the production date - January 2005. “Oh, Capricorn ... No, that doesn't suit me!”
- The jump from the Ostankino tower without a parachute ended in failure. - Although, how - a failure? The jump, in principle, took place ...
Caucasian "McDonald's": - Free barbecue!
Upon learning that Eve sinned with the serpent, Adam caught the Serpent and sinned with him three times for this.
Do you know where the name "swab" comes from? Zoologists have the concept of “tampon” - a small ball of moss chewed by a bear with saliva. With this ball, the bear plugs its anus for the period of hibernation so that ants do not crawl in there !!!
Provincial registry office, young people apply. Female registry office employee: - Maybe you should open a room? Groom: - Do not. - Maybe call musicians? - Not. - Video, photography? - Not. - (with irritation) At least buy a case for a marriage certificate !!! Groom, calmly: - Thank you, I stayed the last time ...
- Girl, are you resting here alone or with a friend? - With a friend of a friend.
- Girl, what are you reading so thick? - Your medical book. - Oh, I'm sorry - I think my wife is calling ...
“The gypsy guessed that I would find my wife at the resort.” - Try to dig here in the sand.
Two at dusk by the sea. He: - Do you want me to get a star from heaven for you? She: - Or maybe something better is material? He: - Well, now I’ve dragged that buoy out of here.
- Grandma, why do you have such big eyes? - Angela - let's go, the client is waiting. Stop fussing - you think, I met my grandmother on the street ...
A dog is sitting in front of a pile of meat and eating. Another runs up to her and asks: - Where did you get so much food from? “She took these pieces from the cat.” - But other? - And the rest is a cat ...
From life. The other day I was walking with a colleague on Leningradsky Prospekt and saw a newspaper stand with something like “The newspaper of our region” with nine ferocious muzzles in a full turn. It’s not like they’re looking for someone again, I thought and went to read a little closer ... And what do you think was written there ?! << DO YOU KNOW YOUR PLOT? >> !!!
- Petrov! - Yes, Marya Ivanovna? - Two, Petrov! And do not argue with me!!! Petrov, what are you writing! No, what are you writing ?! "A horse was walking in the distance" ... You would have ... Hee-hee ... You would have also written: "In Velasquez - Rembrandt is a hamster"!
“Girl, what kind of crap is this?” - Glamor, fuck!
... To this question, Vasily Tsukerman, the chief deputy assistant to the head and curator for social problems and part-time chief accountant of the analytical department of the central department of political science and economic international programs of the Center for Open Foreign Policy Innovation Technologies of the Institute for Socio-Economic Problems of the Transition Period of the Underdeveloped Countries of the African Academy of Africa of the Russian Academy of Sciences, answered : "Not".
In one park there was an old-style toilet. They demolished it, but they didn’t bury the pit, only slightly covered it from above so that it could not be seen. And now there are two hard workers, one tall, and the second on his shoulder, for some reason turned off the path - and landed right in this hole. High pit just on the chest. But the little one ... He stands on tiptoe and his head lifted up, and still the contents of the pit reaches him to the chin. They stood, stood, tired. Tall begins to make attempts to get out. And the little one asks in a quiet, quiet voice: - Vasya ... don’t sway ... don’t sway ...
Mom with a daughter, Muscovites, on the Odessa beach. Daughter: - Mom, mom, sma-a-atri - meaduse! Mom: - What a meaduse? Tsla-a-afan ...
On the operation. Surgeon: - Clamp ... Tampon ... Scalpel ... Tampon ... Suction ... ... - Sister! Suction is a tool!
From the will: "To put the brains in the anatomical theater in a jar with formalin and the inscription" Do not fuck! "
The husband comes home, the wife meets: - Why does it smell of alien spirits from you ?! “Yes, you know, dear - secretary, such a fool, she put on make-up, took out perfumes - and accidentally sprayed me ... Time passes.” My husband comes from work. Wife to him: - We have news ... I'm pregnant! - Duck, how is it so ?! Yes, I'm protected !!! “You know, dear, my boss is such a fool ... He did a personnel check - and accidentally sprayed on me ...”
A young Russian guy married an American and went to the states. After a while, he writes a letter to his parents: - Dear mom and dad. Katherine and I are doing well. We live together, though one embarrassment came out. My Katherine does not have milk and we gave our child to feed one Negro woman and imagine, he suddenly turned black. After some time, the parents write the answer: - Our dear boy, we are very worried about you. You know, when you and your brother were born, your mother also did not have milk and was fed cow's milk. But only one of you grew horns ...
Stirlitz got into the car. My head was obsessively spinning: “And I'll sit in a convertible ...” “The roof has left,” thought Stirlitz.
Favorite phrase of a theoretical physicist: "You see, we made a mistake only an order of magnitude."
A little son approaches his father and asks: - Dad, tell me what is politics? - I will explain to you the example of our family. Look here: I make money, so I'm the Ministry of Finance. Mom runs a farm, so she is the government. Grandfather keeps order in the house - he is a trade union. A housemaid does all the housework - she is a working class. All that we do is for you, so you are the people. And your one-year-old brother is the future. - Clear? - Not. - Well then go to sleep. In the middle of the night, the son wakes up from the cry of his brother. He gets up and goes to the bedroom to wake his mother. After unsuccessful attempts to do this, he goes to the kitchen where dad makes love to a housekeeper, and grandfather watches this through the keyhole. After that, he returns to his bed and continues to sleep. In the morning he meets his father and says: - Dad, I understood what politics is. - Tell me. - This is when the Ministry of Finance fucks the working class, while the government is sleeping, and the trade unions are watching from the side, while the people do not care, and the future is in shit.
...China. 70th years. A population census has passed. Everything is in a panic, the population has exceeded one billion. Asked for help. The International Committee makes a decision: all countries are building their clinics for conducting operations on castration of the male half of the population. The first was built by the Japanese. Reported: 2000 operations per day. All in the east. The following report on the completion of the construction of the Americans: 6,000 operations per day. All in the east. Then they will piss
: 12,000 operations in five minutes. All at a loss. A commission is sent for verification. The commission sees a huge field surrounded by barbed wire, there is an officer with a matyugalnik and says: - Stay in one step! ... Hey, hoo-hoo! ... Hoo-and-and-bye ... Eggs of a neighbor in zyby-s-s to take! Then he comes to the last one from behind and from all over gives him an egg. One can hear a distant sound: - Hmm ... hm ... hm ... hm ... hm ... hm ...
The last week before Easter, a train, a compartment, two in a compartment - Georgian and Ukrainian. The train started moving, the Georgian took out chicken, kebab, pita bread, khachapuri, matzoni, Kindzmarauli, lots of greens and fruits from his suitcase, and invites the Ukrainian woman to share a meal with him: “Help yourself, daraga!” The Ukrainian woman, modestly dropping her eyes and clutching her bundle in her hands, answers him: - Dyakoy, I can’t infect Ale - I have a great pist. Gruzin: - Listen, daragoy, big cunt, malenky cunt, you still need to eat!
Sexual secrets of the peoples of the world:
The number of "once a week" for the average man: Korea - 4.5 Greece - 4.2 Romania - 4.08 Philippines - 3.95 Russia - 3.87 The global average is 2.8
The number of parallel connections with the average prodigal man: Brazil - 11.37 US - 8.77 Australia - 8.54 United Kingdom - 8.28 Greece - 8.25 The world average - 7.65
The number of generous men willing to please any woman: Indonesia - 64% Portugal - 51% Poland - 42% Netherlands - 40% Italy - 39% Worldwide average - 31%
Percentage of men who are willing to pay for sex: Korea - 42% Brazil - 34% Philippines - 32% Greece - 31% Russia - 26%
Percentage of men practicing "one night sex": Portugal - 81% Brazil - 76% Australia - 65% Russia - 65% Spain - 63% Average percentage worldwide - 58%
Average petting duration (in minutes): United Kingdom - 17.44 Australia - 17.20 Germany - 16.92 Mexico - 16.91 Czech Republic - 16.43 Average petting duration worldwide - 15.78 minutes
The number of positions available in the arsenal of the average man: Hungary - 8.27 Argentina - 5.76 Spain - 4.63 Brazil - 3.95 Greece - 3.83 The average figure worldwide - 3.35
Percentage of men who had a threesome: Brazil - 19% United Kingdom - 18% Australia - 18% USA - 17% Russia - 15% Worldwide average - 14%
Percentage of men who give their partner an orgasm at every sexual intercourse: Italy - 60% Hungary - 58% Philippines - 54% Indonesia - 54% Netherlands - 50%.
My friend is a pathologist. A man is so unsociable, taciturn, unsmiling. He does it even with his eyes: MORG, MORG ...
end of the form beginning of the form- Doctor, thanks! You operated on my brother so well ... this is for you! - No, what are you ... - Take it, take it. - No need, well, where ... - And where should I put this leg? Come on, take it!
- How to mathematically prove that the party line is straight? - Each point of this line is an inflection point. Therefore, at each point, the second derivative is zero, and this is a characteristic property of the line.
- The club announced a lecture on the theme "The people and the party are one." No one came. A week later, a lecture was announced "Three types of love." The people are full - darkness. “There are three kinds of love,” the lecturer began. - The first type is pathological love. This is not good, and it is not worth talking about this topic. The second kind is normal love. You are well aware of this, it is also not worth talking about. There remains the third, highest kind of love - the love of the people for the party. We’ll talk about this in more detail.
The collective farmer quarreled with his wife and threatened to join the party. - I, you bitch, will do such a shame!
- Honey, do you like my erection? “Oh, yes, honey, she's amazing!” - Well, handmade
In the bathhouse: “Kolyan, I don’t understand, are you a Jew ?!” - Why do you think so? - You have a circumcised member! - Well, let's not cut off, but bitten ...
Grandma climbs into a crowded bus and shouts: - Caution, men! Do not pierce the eggs! Man to her: - And cho, grandmother, bought the testicles? - No, I’m taking a bag of carnations.
The phrase in a crowded bus: - Young man, take off your glasses! You will tear my tights!
Schwarzenegger rides on the bus. The controller approaches: - Your ticket! - I'm Schwarzenegger! - Well, so what? Your ticket! Schwarzenegger takes out an iron ruble, puts it in a composter and composts. The conductor tears the ruble: - It would be so long ago!
The husband unexpectedly returns home. The wife urgently hides her lover in the closet. The husband takes off his jacket, opens the closet - he sees an unfamiliar naked man who holds on to the crossbar with one hand. “What are you doing here?” - the taken aback husband asks. - Yes, I’m going on a tram. - Well you said! - Well, you asked!
A crow sits on a branch and sees: a cow is climbing a tree. Crow: - Cow, why are you? Are you crazy? Why are you climbing a tree? - Bullseye to eat! - So this is pine! - And with me!
The young menthok takes up the post the first day ... He came, the bison meets him, a terry old traffic cop: - The post is cool. Money is the sea. Work, you won’t be left without bread! And goes home (after the shift ............. A day later he comes to change the young: - Well, how? Did you get a lot? - Yes, what the hell "got it" .... Dine and then went to their own ... - Uh, son, you do not know how to work. Look how it should. He takes a condom from his pocket, waves his wand, the truck stops: - Breathe into the phone. - Fu-oo-oo ... - So .... Drunk ..., we are going for examination. - Well ... this is ...., the boss ..., dear, let me go, I will give money ..... - Drive through. The wave of the wand slows down the next car: - Breathe into the phone. - Wow. - So .... There is a reaction to alcohol, we are going for examination. - Commander, forgive me for God's sake, do not destroy, it’s better to take the money. - Drive ... Swipe your wand. - Breathe into the phone. “Why are you sticking a condom to me?” - Sober. Drive through.