My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories


- Dad, where do babies come from? - Oh, my son, if I knew it then ...!
Lackey enters the living room: - Sir! The car served ... Rubbish make you?
The perfume shop - Madame, you spirits to attack or to defend themselves?
What you npavyatsya disease? - Scabies. Why? - I scratched and even desirable. And what is not npavyatsya? - Gemoppoy nor myself posmotpet or people show.
What ocheped? - It opganizovanny trek to ppilavku.
Can the mother-kill wool? - Yes, if it zavepnut iron.
For the generals of the Pentagon it was arranged display of electronic equipment, allowing to fight sitting in a safe place. Going down into a comfortable underground bunker, the generals were in a large hall, zaponennom electronic equipment with a variety of displays, buttons and switches. The hall echoed the voice of the speaker: - You are in a battle management center. All operations are carried out automatically. You push the button, and missiles rush toward their goals. Press another button you force to fly bombers. Another press of the button - and submarines with missiles on board are attacking their targets. The equipment is absolutely secure. Errors excluded ... Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ...
Examining soldier system, the company commander asked to accompany him to the sergeant: - Tomorrow will come the inspectors to us. Put out of the beginner to the second rank. It is too long nose. - So I did it, sir, - said the sergeant.
Erring ordinary summoned to the company-office. When he came out, a friend asked him: - What did the Sergeant on your explanation? - Nothing. I just lost two front teeth, which for a long time was going to vomit.
If you find yourself in a complete ass - take a circular defense. A man may learn wisdom in three ways: reading wise books, learn from the wise men or pee on bare live wire ... black woman in the 45 - Baba prunes again! Fuck, I like to do something so that we became two ... you can not fry the festive table nails? Call us now. City Psychiatric Hospital. If you often sweaty palms, think - and not the lubricant if it ... He sat under an artificial Christmas tree, drank a jar of non-alcoholic beer and became habitual movements inflating rubber woman! From the notes miser: "The new year went well, nothing anyone has presented ...". It seems to me that the chief of toast on a night out, "Let the next year come true all your dreams" is often a deeply suitsiidalnym ... Hurry! Already on sale pirated copies of the President of the New Year address to the nation on the occasion of the coming 2007 year! Hit of the season: Women's pants piggy bank.
Girls want to live like Madonna? Dress like Madonna? Ride a car like Madonna? Go and work like Madonna!
Tank? Why be afraid of him? It is enough to turn - and he will not do anything ...
- Oh, well, why is it so: as much as the Ten Commandments? Maybe let them be five? - Moses, do not bargain! - And where it says: "Do not bargain"?
Under the new year half-drunk bees ruined den sleeping bear, while shouting: - Do you like nectar - Love and chill!
- I repeat once again: before you make the jump from the plane, strongly pull the ring, and when this dear tchotchke comes off with a finger, throw it back into the cabin under my feet. Just in case...
- The girl - you are so cute're going, downcast eyes beautiful eyes on the road, probably because of excessive modesty? - Yes neee ... In order to sniff not come!
- Sick, I have two news, good and bad for you. With what begin? - Let the bad news and not a word about the good! - Why ?! - You know, I'm on the journalist profession ...
Did you know that ... New two-volume book ended the attempt Darya Series paint pen.
Yesterday at Sheremetyevo-2 region has suffered, but then could not citizen Petrov.
- Why is Uncle Peter rode a bicycle to the garden faster than Uncle Vasya on the machine? - Because Uncle Peter was sober.
News feed. According to Russian press reports from prison - avian flu spread to humans - recorded massive loss of roosters.
Yesterday, the China-town committed a double murder: unknown shot two hundred Chinese ....
One thread explain - why in our town so many animals come from? Sincerely, a resident of Bobruisk.
- Hello, police! - Yes! - There are two drunken nigga showcase raskurochili! - I mean - Two African-American? - I mean - two afroraspizdyaya!
- Why do children of divorce tend to leave with her mother? - Can not be the same woman judge to admit that instead of anger and envy, the child received a normal upbringing ...
In the Moscow grocery store, one clerk said another: - Len, do you hear - there drunk buyer shouting that he was a Ukrainian! - Well, then sell it to fat ... - Len, he shouts that demands the respect of ... - Well, sell it to oranges!
Night Call. - Doctor, rather come! My husband told me about the international situation. And his manner of gestures ...
Drinking bout! How bout ... give necessary ...
Surprisingly, the word "school" - only 15% remember the doorway, 10% of sight "iskosya" and only 5% of the fish ...
A sign on the lawn next to the parking lot, "Who will put on the lawn - the darned ...".
- You are talented? - Why do you think so? - You have a sister very small.
In the Moscow zoo leopard Senya crazy trying to eat a gazelle ... The driver managed to jump out.
A man and his wife goes on the market. We went into the meat row. The man began to inquire the price, a bargain, well knocked down price. Bought meat, depart with his wife from the counter. And then the seller deliberately loudly said to her neighbor: - Listen, Mash! But he and the other came in the last week! That's a bargain at the market! A more expensive ...
Sleeping woman very similar to the men ... They also know how to snore and fart at the same time.
Our company provides all you need for your business: American technology, the German version, Italian design, Moscow roof.
The last thing he heard before he died Pavlik Morozov was: "Take that, bitch, no extra ten bucks" ...
Call an ambulance: - Help! My husband had eaten too much and wants to sleep! - Girl, drink more ...
- Daddy, buy me a snake, dad - well, buy! - What do you want, son, a little ?! Vaughn look back - my mother from behind is ...
The doorbell rings, on the threshold of a neighbor - neighbor in debt you can ask for? - How many? - Yes, I used to conjugal duty, as you can ...
An orderly in a morgue to see at the next incoming simply huge cock and called a nurse to look ... She looked up and said: - My husband is the same! - Same great !!? - This is a dead ...
Is he. Lying on his back, his hands behind his head. Woman crawl all over his body here for half an hour, trying to somehow his institute ... He, lighting - And often you so ...?
The newspaper, runs the main: - So - stop layout! This article was shooting, in its place put the emergency announcement ... - Well, Vanvany-s-ych ... We really home together ... - Calm down, colleague paid. Community Bank. - Ah! Another thing! Text-what? - The text as usual: "Bank urgently need a guard, the collector and the cashier." - How to arrange on the page? - They are well paid off, so you have to arrange somehow pozametnee ... A-ah, here: Circle this ad oily black frame.
A guy comes home with a live goat in his arms and zastaёt his wife sitting in front of TV. - Look, dear - that it is precisely the cow from which I make love when you have a headache ... The wife contemptuously looks at him and says: - Lord - you are so stupid that you can not tell a goat from a cow. .. - My God - you are so dumb that you can not understand what I'm talking with a goat!
Lie on the beach, two new Uzbek. One says: - I want to be a minister. Minister on the machine carry. You can lie down and do nothing. Other - I want to be a snake. - ??? - She even walks lying!
In the bakery, the buyer asks: - Tell me, you have a bun with poppy seeds? - Maybe you even a loaf of heroin to give?
Goes Negro in a taxi, holding a little monkey hands, which always grabs the driver and prevents him drive the car. Negro calms monkey - Nikki! Not shawls! Nikki! Not shawls! Monkey continues to. The driver turns to monkey: - Nicola! Old Man have to obey!
The office, which has been repairing cell phones, includes two: healthy new Russian, all hung with gold, and the ma-and-scarlet, plyugavenky intelligentishka. New Russian comes to the window that says "Receiving and issuing of orders", pulls out his pocket phone and throws it out the window and said: - What is the tops !!! From behind him runs intelligentishka, pokes his head out the window and says: - I'm sorry, Nikolai Petrovich asked why the phone does not work? The girl, living on the other side of the window, picks up the phone and carries it to check. After a while, she comes back and holds out new Russian another phone, they say, that is broken, look at this. New Russian picks up the phone: - What is the tops?!?!?!? Intelligentishka: - Nikolai wondered how it works?
Announcement on the porch ". Dear tenants, district council wants you to the end of the month to pay the bills for gas in the event of non-payment of gas will be put through the ventilation pipes."
The car at full speed, flying at a red light, barely nesbivaet velosepedista, knocks her grandmother, and finally crashed into a pole. Sitting behind the wheel of a woman drawn to the man with glass eyes in the seat next: - Well, my dear, your hiccup was held?
A guy at night coming back from the pub. Beer asks output. Elevator does not work. Bullet flies on the 7th floor, frantically opens the door - and on tiptoe so as not to wake his wife, unbuttoning on track pants, rushes to the toilet. Jerk opens the door and sees a picture - on the toilet sits tёscha in a nightgown with a player and listens to "The Brothers Grimm." Her eyes slowly rounded and focus from the waist down. In the stillness of the night could be heard only the music ... The first can not stand the man: - Mom, what are waiting for? !! Chloe-of-Opay eyelashes - and take off!
How much vodka do not drink, the body is still 80 "consists of water
Rides guy on the track in a wheelbarrow, and behind him on the leash crocodile tied and after running. Crocodile tediousness: - Well, foot in the sand, belly in the sand, snout in the sand. And so all the way. The man stops, throws a crocodile in the trunk and goes further. Voice from the trunk: -Well, foot prischimil, tail prischimil, muzzle prischimil ... A guy stops and pulls the crocodile out. - Here we go again - foot in the sand, belly in the sand, snout in the sand ... A man flies into a rage and then throws a crocodile in the trunk. - Well, as always ... foot prischimil, tail prischimil ... What a boring, man !!!
The mole has got out of the ground on the beach, right between the legs of tanned girls ... sniffed and grit - Hedgehog you chtol? .... Dead chtol?
Two friends are talking: - You know, if my boyfriend did not congratulate me happy birthday - he was such a fucking will ... - Light it with you is found - he was already fucked up !!!
Sitting Hemingway bar in Cuba, daiquiri sipping. And at the next table sit two bearded and drink rum glasses. Then the waiter them politely puts on the table the account, and bearded, scratching his curly beard - not, say, shove yourself this expense ... you do not see a beard - we police Fidel Castro. We got up and left.
In their place, we got the other two, dine vodka and sandwiches, and also refused to pay - you see a beard, they say, we are the police, Fidel Castro.
The waiter, almost weeping, carries through Hemingway, who without hesitation says - Nope, I will not pay. The waiter quietly be amazed - and you something, gringo, why? Hemingway unzips his pants and showing curly hair, says - and I'm from the secret police.
- So, a visit to our program today, a graduate of the Faculty of International Relations MGIMO, winner grants to the Belgian and Dutch universities, MBA graduates and the winner sertifikaktk Microsoft Maria Petrova. Maria, tell us about yourself, what you live, what fond, in addition to studies, research activities and the work of senior manager. - I'm interested in water polo, photography, non-linear video editing, curling, oral sex, anal sex, group sex, belong to five swinger clubs .. - What do you pletёsh ??! WHAT DO YOU PLETЁSH!?!? - I weave macrame, embroider embroidery, knitting crochet ...
I love the girls and in peace and in war ...
War. In the trenches sit soldiers and otstrelivayutsya. Suddenly, from a nearby trench bursts pleased soldier: -You Th sitting here. Well the war. As enemies shoot. -And In a nearby trench nurse gives everyone. What do all? Yes, absolutely. -And In the ass? -Oh sure. -And In the mouth it takes? -No Not take. -And why? -And Her head a grenade tore off!
Bred in the woods scary animal - ebunchik. Most of it among the living is not, so it all zadolbal. And they went animals with a bow to the Serpent Dragon. - Requirement - say - three-headed! Savior none of this parasite is distracted - he was right there, and nowhere to go ... And went Snake deal with this miracle in the forest. Long or a short, he went out into the clearing, in the middle of the clearing - stump, and the stump sits someone. - Who are you? - Asks the serpent. - Why, local ebunchikom nicknamed - is responsible creature. Then the serpent as a stamped, wings clap, fire blazes, but the smoke from the ears will not allow - the fear leads. A noise, a noise, and awesomely so asks: - What, scarecrow, scary ?! - Oh, it is terrible! - Said animal. - For the first time such a terrible f ** be going!
A man one morning wakes up, goes to the mirror. Lo and behold, instead navel - a nut. Well, he decided to go to the doctor. Comes: - Doctor, that I instead navel nut appeared. Help, huh? The doctor looked, felt, shrugged his shoulders: - She nut is bothering you? - No ... - Well, so be it. Medicine is such a disease is unknown. The man returned home. And he was itching to do: but what kind of nut so? He took the key and remove it. Only unscrewed: broads - ass fell off. Moral: do not look for adventure on his ass.
- Do you like to drink beer with squid? - No, I'm more like friends ...
... The error occurred during your work in our company. Try to leave and get a job again ... My favorite stage of intoxication: I can still walk and talk - but fun. Give me half a liter of vodka - and I'll tell you how to get the country out of the crisis ... If a person is attracted to all the negative, which means that it is such a positive, or simply strongly rubbed an ebonite rod. According to the military enlistment office, the average Russian conscript - a gay Krishna, flat-footed. I look at you and see - vodka is not enough! Opened first chat for autistic ... Under the rules of the chat, there may be is only one user. It is foolish to try to have time to explain something in words in between blows to the face - it turns out indistinct and often have to be repeated. If your boss last bastard, do not tell anyone about this! It is better to wait for when it will tell someone else, and then tell the boss. Let us to the existential contemplation of this vodka will add its empirical perception ... ... System engineer has performed an illegal operation and will be otpizdzhen.
- Why Tymoshenko such a strange hairstyle? - At the request of Yushchenko. - And he's what? - Convenient, when she wheel on his head ...
- I yesterday cockroaches apartment caught. The three had to let go. - Why? - They have the documents were in order.
Client: - I need an apartment with a back door. Broker: - Here it is. Client: - Where is the front? Broker: - So you also a grand need !!?
- You have separate bathroom? - Yes! The toilet on the balcony, a tank - in the kitchen ...
The girls in the lake swimming, their hopes dashed ...
Call receptionist - I interfere with the light in the room and the water in the bathroom gurgled like to turn it off? - You see, we have the type of hotel "all inclusive".
Scientists crossed a rabbit and Pavlov dog. Not God forbid you get in the cage and turn on the light.
- Grisha, that yesterday we were drinking? - Dry. - And why am I wet? !!
From life. A couple of days ago Sasha manager called my wife and said that he would come home Pts Shade late. Then I got into the car and raced it home. - Well, how? - I ask him the next day. - Caught? - Still would! I knew that when I'm gone, she wears my slippers !!!
Alexander Lukashenko, following the wishes of 97% of the population of Belarus, announced his candidacy for the election of the Pope.
- Why Yulia Tymoshenko was appointed chairman of the Ukrainian government? - Because the member of the government, it can not be!
- Do you want to once and for all tie with the past? - Break the hard drive!
Morning crush on the subway on Monday. Woman loudly: - Young man, do not breathe on me! - And to whom I breathe? - I do not know, I do not care! - For me too!
2100. The Dutch Episcopalians are fierce debate about the possibility of recognition of opposite-sex marriages.
He saw her and exclaimed: - Wow! She replied: - That is - no!
"This train train train train train ulterior motive" - ​​said Pooh, pulling from an ass vibrator ...
The teacher takes the student "Playboy": - I want to see tomorrow your parents! - Why wait until tomorrow? Here they are - page 42-43!
The case of a sex shop. - You could not here show the inflatable model? - This is - just your size. - And it fresh? - Of course, that's the date of manufacture - January of 2005. - Oh, Capricorn ... No, I do not fit!
- Failure ended leap from Ostankino tower without a parachute. - Although it is - a failure? Leap, in principle, held ...
Caucasian "McDonald's": - Free BBQ!
Upon learning that Eve sinned with the serpent, Adam caught the serpent and sinned with him for it three times.
You know, where does the name "tampon"? In zoologists there is a concept "tampion" - is a small tangle of chewed bear moss with saliva. This is a ball Bear for the period spyach ki plug yourself back pass to there not crawling ants !!!
Provincial registry office, young people are applying. A worker of a registry office: - Can you room open? Groom: - Do not. - Maybe musicians call? - No. - Video, photographing? - No. - (Irritated) Although the case for a marriage certificate buy !!! Groom, calmly: - Thank you, I have since the last time was ...
- Girl, you are relaxing alone or with a friend? - With another friend.
- Girl, you are reading this thick? - His medical record. - Oh, I'm sorry - I seem wife calls ...
- I'm a gypsy foretold that his wife I will find in the resort. - Try here in the sand to dig.
Two at dusk on the beach. He: - You want me to fetch star from the sky for you? She: - Maybe better anything tangible? He: - Well now dragged out the buёk.
- Grandma, why do you have such big eyes? - Angela - but go well, the customer is waiting. Enough gab - think of it, his grandmother home in the street met ...
Sitting dog in front of a bunch of meat and eating. She runs to her other and asked: - Where are you from so much food to get? - Here are the pieces of the cat selected. - But other? - And the rest - a cat ...
From life. The other day went with a colleague on Leningradsky Avenue and saw the stand with the newspaper something like "The newspaper in our district," with nine ferocious snouts full turn. Not only as someone once again looking for, I thought, and went to check out closer ... What do you think, what was written there ?! << DO YOU KNOW YOUR PRECINCT? >> !!!
- Peter! - Yes, Maria Ivanovna? - Two, Petrov! And do not argue with me!!! Petrov, what you write! No, what you write ?! "Far paced horse" ... You would have ... Hee-hee ... You would have written: "In Velasquez - Rembrandt hamster!"
- Girl, what have you got for the garbage? - Glamour, fuck!
... On this question the chief deputy assistant director and curator on social issues and concurrently chief accountant analytic eskogo special projects department of the central Department of Political and Economic Center for International Programs open foreign innovative technologies Institute of socio-economic problems of the transitional period, underdeveloped countries of Africa of the Russian Academy of Sciences Vasily Zuckerman said : "No".
In one park was old-fashioned toilet. It was demolished, and the pit and not buried, only the top just covered, so as not to be seen. And here are two hard workers, one tall and the other to his shoulder, for some reason, turned off the track - and lands directly into the pit. High hole just on the chest. And here is a little ... He stands on tiptoe and head lifted up, and still the contents of the pit reaches him up to his chin. they stood, these stood, tired. High begins making attempts to escape. And a little soft, low voice asked: - Vas ... not swayed ... not swayed ...
Mother and daughter, Muscovites, on the beaches of Odessa. Daughter: - Mama, Mama, sma-and-Atri - myaduza! Mom: - What in pyazdu myaduza? Tsla-and-Afan ...
At operation. Surgeon: - Clip ... Tampon ... scalpel ... Tampon ... Suction ... ... - Sister! Suction - is a tool!
From wills: "Brains to put in dissecting the bank with formalin, and the words" Not to fuck "!".
Husband comes home, his wife meet: - Why are you strange perfume smell ?! - Yeah, you know, my dear - a secretary, a fool such make it struck, spirits took - and unintentionally me splattered ... Time passes. Husband comes home from work. The wife of his: - We have news ... I'm pregnant! - Duck is how is it ?! Yes, I'll Safe !!! - You know, my dear, my boss - such a fool ... Personnel checks are carried out - and unintentionally me squirted ...
A young Russian man married an American and moved to the states. After some time, he writes a letter to his parents: - Dear Mom and Dad. We have with Catherine all right. We live together, though there was one embarrassing. My Katherine no milk and we gave our child for feeding a Negro woman and imagine it suddenly became black. Parents in some time writing a response: - Our dear boy, we're for you to worry about. You know, when you and your brother were born, your mother, too, had no milk and you were fed cow's milk. But the horns only grew one you ...
Stirlitz sat in the car. The head navyaschivo spun: "I sit in a convertible ..." "The roof sehala" - thought Stirlitz.
Favorite phrase theoretical physicist: "You see, we were wrong Vsev only an order of magnitude."
Suitable small son to his father and asks: - Dad, tell me what is politics? - I will explain to you on our family example. Look here: I earn money, I mean the Ministry of Finance. My mother keeps house, then it is the government. Grandpa makes sure that the house was the order - it unions. Housekeeper does all the work around the house - it is the working class. Everything we do - this is for you, then you - the people. And your year-old brother - the future. - Clear? - No. - Well, then go to sleep. In the middle of the night son wakes up crying your little brother. He gets up and goes into the bedroom to wake her mother. After unsuccessful attempts to do so, he goes to the kitchen where his father making love with the housekeeper, and grandfather watching it in the keyhole. After that, he returned to his bed and continue to sleep. In the morning he meets his father and said: - Dad, I realized that such a policy. - Tell me. - This is when the finance ministry fucks the working class, the government at the same time sleeping, and unions are watching from the side, while on the people one cares, and the future is in the shit.
...China. 70s. Pposhlogo pepepis population. All in a panic the population pepevalilo for milliapd. We request assistance. Mezhdynapodny Committee ppinimaet solution: all stpany stpoit their clinics result of our opepatsy on kastpatsii myzhskoy half of the population. Subintrusive postpoili Japanese. Chide: 2000 opepatsy per day on the. All in vostopge. Sledyyuschy papoptyyut the end stpoitelstvo amepikantsy 6000 opepatsy per day on the. All in vostopge. Then papoptyyut pysskie
12000 opepatsy five minute digits. All in nedoymenii. Sent to the commission for Verification of. The Commission sees ogpomnoe field ogopozhennoe barbed ppovolkoy, there is ofitsep with megaphone and komandyet: - In odny shepengy stpoit ... Happa-ah-in ... Nagi-and-and-bays ... Eggs neighbor! zyby-s-s-s to take! Then coming to poslednemy from behind and from all mahy gives emy in the balls. Heard ydalyayuschiysya distance sound can: - Hpym ... hpym ... hpym ... hpym ... hpym ... hpym ..
The last week before Easter, the train compartment, coupled two - Georgian and Ukrainian. The train started, the Georgians took from his suitcase tobacco chicken, kebab, pita bread, khachapuri, yoghurt, Kindzmarauli, a lot of all greens and vegetables, and invites Ukrainian woman to share his meal: - Ugaschaysya, daragoy! Ukrainka, modestly lowered her eyes and clutching his bundle in his hands, he says: - Dyakuyu, ale I'm at a time not mozhu - in mene great pist. Georgians: - Slyushay, daragoy, offer large pussy, malenky pussies, you still need to eat!
Sex secrets of the world's people:

The number of "once a week" for the average man: Korea - 4.5 Greece - 4.2 Romania - 4.08 Philippines - 3.95 Russia - 3.87 Average worldwide - 2.8
The number of parallel connections at the average lascivious men: Brazil - 11.37 US - 8.77 Australia - 8.54 United Kingdom - 8.28 Greece - 8.25 Average worldwide - 7.65
Number of generous men who are ready to please a lady to spend any amount: Indonesia - 64% Portugal - 51% Poland - 42% Netherlands - 40% Italy - 39% of the average for the world - 31%
Percentage of men who are willing to pay for sex: Korea - 42% of Brazil - 34% of the Philippines - 32% Greece - 31% Russian - 26%
The percentage of men who have "sex for one night": Portugal - 81% Brazil - 76% Australia - 65% Russian - 65% Spain - 63% of the average percentage of the world - 58%
The average duration of petting (in minutes): United Kingdom - 17.44 Australia - 17.20 Germany - 16.92 Mexico - 16.91 Czech Republic - 16.43 Average length of petting worldwide - 15.78 minutes
The number of positions available in the arsenal of the average man: Hungary - 8.27 Argentina - 5.76 Spain - 4.63 Brazil - 3.95 Greece - 3.83 Average worldwide - 3.35
Percentage of men who have had a threesome: Brazil - 19% UK - 18%, Australia - 18% of the US - 17% Russian - 15% of the average for the world - 14%
Percentage of men who present with your partner an orgasm during every sexual act: Italy - 60% Hungary - 58% of the Philippines - 54%, Indonesia - 54% Netherlands - 50%.

My pathologist friend works. Man this unsociable, taciturn, unsmiling. Even the eyes of so doing: SIDS, the SIDS ...
konetsformynachaloformy- Doctor, thank you! You're so cool operated on my brother ... it's you! - No, what are you ... - Take it, take it. - Do not need to, well, where ... - And me where this leg to do with? Let's take, take!
- How to mathematically prove that the party line - straight? - Each point of the line - the point of inflection. Therefore, at each point of the second derivative is zero, and this - the characteristic of direct property.
- The club has announced a lecture on the topic "The people and the party united." No one came. Lecture "Three Kinds of Love" was announced a week later. People crammed - darkness. - There are three kinds of love - began lecturer. - The first type - a pathological love. It - neho- well-and on this subject we are not talking. The second type - normal love. That you are well aware, it is not worth saying. There remains the third, vys- shy kind of love - love of the people to the party. This is what we'll talk in more detail.
Collective farmer had quarreled with his wife and threatened to vstu- drinking at a party. - I told you, bitch, this shame done!
- Honey, do you like my erection? - Oh, yes, my dear, it is delicious! - Well, handmade
In the bath: - Kolyan, I did not understand, what are you - a Jew ?! - Why do you think so? - You've got a member of the cut! - Well put not cut and bitten ...
Grandma climbing into a crowded bus and shouts: - Be careful, guys! Eggs not pierce! The man to her - And Cho, grandmother, testicular bought? - No, studs bag I carry.
The phrase in a crowded bus: - Young man, remove the glasses! You are my tights will tear!
Goes Schwarzenegger in the bus. Suitable controller: - your ticket! - I Schwarzenegger! - Well, so what? Your ticket! Schwarzenegger takes out iron ruble puts in a punch and punches. The guard screamed ruble: - How long would it!
Husband suddenly nourish home. The wife quickly hides her lover in the closet. Man takes off his jacket, opens the closet - see unfamiliar naked man, who kept one hand on the crossbar. - What are you doing here? - Ask taken aback husband. - Why, in the tram food. - Well, you said! - Well, you asked!
Crow sitting on a branch and saw that the tree climbing cow. Crow - cow, what are you doing? Mad? Why a tree you climb? - Apples to eat! - Hey, this is pine !! - And me with you!
Young mentenok first day intrudes on the post ... He came, he meets a bison, terry old policeman: - Post cool. Money sea. Work hard, do not stay without bread! And goes home (after the change :) ............. A day comes to change the young: - Well, how? Much has gained something? - Yes, what's the fucking "has turned" .... lunch and then its gone ... - Uh-uh, my son, you are not able to work. Here look right. Took out a condom, waves his wand, stop the truck - Breathe into a tube. - Fu-oo-oo ... - So .... Pyany ...... go for examination. - Well ... it ...., head ..., home, divorce, money ladies ..... - Pass. Flick of his wand, inhibits the following machine: - Breathe in the tube. - F-f-f-oo-oo-oo. - So .... reaction to alcohol is available, go to the examination. - Captain, I'm sorry for God's sake, not to destroy, that better money take. - Pass ... flick of his wand. - Breathe into a tube. - What did you give me a condom, then thrusting? - Sober. Pass.