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My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories

- Dad, where do the children come from? "Ah, son, if I knew that then!"
The footman enters the drawing room: "Sir!" The machine is served ... Will you take out the garbage?
In the perfume shop: - Madame, are you spirits for attack or for self-defense?
What do you like the disease? - Scabies. Why? - I scratched and still want to. And which one does not like? - Hemoppoy, look at yourself, or show people.
What is the order? - This is an organized trip to the village.
Can I kill the mother-in-law with cotton? - Yes, if it is ironed into it.
For the Pentagon generals, a display of electronic equipment was arranged, allowing to conduct combat operations while sitting in a safe place. Descended into a comfortable underground bunker, the generals found themselves in a large hall filled with electronic equipment with various displays, buttons and switches. A voice from the loudspeaker was heard from the loudspeaker: "You are in the control center of military operations. All operations are performed automatically. You press the button, and the rockets rush to their targets. By pressing another button, you make the strategic bombers take off. Another push on the button - and submarines with missiles on board are attacking their targets. The equipment is absolutely reliable. Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ... Errors are excluded ...
Inspecting the formation of the soldiers, the company turned to the sergeant who accompanied him: "Tomorrow the inspectors will come to us." Put that newcomer in the second rank. His nose is too long. "I already did it, sir," the sergeant answered.
The prosecuted private soldier was summoned to the company chancery. When he got out of there, a friend asked him: - What did the sergeant say about your explanations? - Nothing. I just lost two front teeth, which I had long been trying to wrest.
If you find yourself in full ass - take a circular defense. A person can learn wisdom in three ways: read wise books, learn from wise people or pee on bare wire under tension ... Negress in 45 - baba prunes again! I went somehow to do so that we were two ... Do you not get to roast nails to the festive table? Call us right now. City psychiatric hospital. If you often sweat palms, think about it - but not lubrication it ... He sat down under an artificial Christmas tree, drank a can of non-alcoholic beer and became the usual movements to inflate a rubber woman! From the notes of mischief: "The New Year went well, did not give anything to anyone ...". It seems to me that the chief's toast at a corporate party: "Let all your dreams come true next year" is very often deeply suicidal ... Hurry! Pirated copies of the President's New Year's address to the people on the occasion of the upcoming year of 2007 have already come into the market! Hit of the season: women's panties-piggy.
Girls, want to live like a Madonna? Dress up like a Madonna? Go by car like Madonna? Go and work like a Madonna!
Tank? Why should he be afraid? It's enough to turn it around and he will not do anything to you ...
"God, why so much: ten commandments?" Maybe let them be five? "Moses, do not bargain!" - And where is it said: "Do not bargain"?
Under the new year, half-drunk bees ravaged the dolce of a sleeping bear, while shouting: "You love a honey - love and chill!
- Once again I repeat: before you jump from an airplane, strongly pull the ring, and when this expensive tsatska is removed from the finger, throw it back into the cabin under my feet. Just in case...
- Girl - you are so nice going, looking down the beautiful eyes on the road, probably out of excessive modesty? - Yes, it ... To not snap in!
"Ill, I have two news for you, good and bad." With what start? - Give bad news and not a word about good! - Why ?! - You see, I'm a journalist by profession ...
Did you know that ... A new two-volume book ended with Daria Dontsova's attempt to paint a pen.
Yesterday in the Sheremetyevo-2 area suffered, but then Citizen Petrov could not.
- Why did Uncle Petya ride his bicycle to the dacha faster than Uncle Vasya by car? - Because Uncle Petya was sober.
News feed. According to Russian press reports from places of detention - bird flu spread to people - a massive death of roosters is recorded.
Yesterday in China-city, a double murder was committed: the unknown shot two hundred Chinese ....
Who-string explain - why do we have so many animals in the city? Sincerely, a resident of Bobruisk.
"Hello, the police!" - Yes! - Here two drunken niggas have been riddled with a showcase! "I mean two black people?" "I mean two Afro-disperse!"
- Why, when divorced, children are usually left with their mother? "A woman judge can not allow a child to receive normal education instead of anger and envy ..."
In a Moscow deli, one saleswoman says another: - Len, you hear - there's a drunken customer yelling that he is Ukrainian! - Well, sell him fat ... - Flax, he screams that he demands respect ... - Well, sell him oranges!
Night call. - Doctor, come soon! My husband told me about the international situation. And with his manner of gesturing ...
Drunken fighting! What a fight ... you have to give up ...
Surprisingly, with the word "jamb" - only 15% remember the doorway, 10% of the look "ask" and only 5% of the fish ...
A sign on the lawn next to the parking lot: "Who will put on the lawn - that darned ...".
- Are you talented? - Why do you think so? "Your sister is very small."
In the Moscow zoo, the Sen's lyopard went insane, trying to eat a gazelle ... The driver managed to jump out.
A man with his wife is walking the market. We went into the meat row. The muzhik began to ask the price, bargain, decently knocked down the price. We bought meat, go with my wife from the counter. And then the seller deliberately loudly said to his neighbor: - Hey, Masha! But last week he came from another! That's how to bargain in the market! Myself more expensive ...
Sleeping women are very similar to men ... They also know how to snore and fart at the same time.
Our company provides everything you need for your business: American technology, German design, Italian design, Moscow roof.
The last thing Pavlik Morozov heard before his death was: "Here's to you, bitch, not an extra ten bucks" ...
Call the ambulance: - Help! My husband has overeaten and wants to sleep! - Girl, drink more ...
- Daddy, buy me a snake, dad - well, buy it! "What's wrong with you, son, one thing?" Look back - my mother is standing behind ...
A bell at the door, on the doorstep neighbor: - A neighbor, you can ask for a loan? - How many? - Yes, I would be married as much as you can ...
The nurse in the morgue saw at the next incoming simply huge dick and called the nurse to see ... She looked and said: - My husband is the same! - Same big? !! - The same dead ...
Is he. He lies on his back, throwing his hands behind his head. The woman is crouched all over his body for half an hour, trying to somehow excite him ... He, lighting a cigarette: - And often do you? ...
The editorial office of the newspaper, runs in chief: - So - stop, layout! This article is removed, in its place we put an urgent announcement ... - Well, Vanvan-yych ... We are already home ... - Calmly, colleagues: paid. Local bank. - Ah! Another thing! What text is it? - Text as usual: "The bank urgently needs a guard, a collector and a cashier." - How do I apply on the page? - They paid well, so it is necessary to formalize somehow more oblivious ... A-ah, here: circle this ad in a fat black frame.
A man comes home with a live goat in his arms and finds his wife sitting in front of the TV. "Look, honey, that's the cow I make love with when you have a headache ..." The wife looks at him contemptuously and says: "My God, you're so dumb that you can not tell a goat from a cow." .. - Lord - you're so stupid that you can not understand that I'm talking to a goat!
There are two new Uzbeks on the beach. One says: "I want to be a minister." The minister drives the car. You can lie down and do nothing. Another, - And I want to be a snake. - ??? "She even goes to sleep!"
At the bakery, the buyer asks: - Tell me, do you have buns with poppy seeds? - Maybe you also give a loaf with heroin?
The Negro is in a taxi, he is holding a small monkey in his hands, which all the time grabs the driver and prevents him from driving. The negro calms the monkey: - Nikki! Do not shawl! Nikki! Do not shawl! The monkey continues its. The taxi driver turns to the monkey: - Nikola! Father must obey!
In the office, which deals with the repair of cell phones, there are two: a healthy new Russian, all hung with gold, and ma-a-scarlet, plyugenky intellectuals. The new Russian approaches the window, which says "Receiving and issuing orders," pulls a phone out of his pocket and throws it out the window with the words: "What is this tops!" Because of his back, the intellectual runs out, puts his head in the window and says: "Excuse me, Nikolai Petrovich asks why the phone does not work?" A girl who lives on the other side of the window, takes the phone and carries it to check. After a while she comes back and gives the new Russian another phone, they say, that is broken, look this one. A new Russian takes the phone: - What kind of tops?!?!?!? Intellectual: - Nikolai Petrovich is interested in how he works?
Announcement at the entrance: "Respected tenants, the district government asks you to pay gas bills by the end of the month." In case of non-payment, the gas will be discharged through the ventilation chimneys. "
The car at full speed, flies to the red light, barely bums the bike-pathper, knocks down the grandmother, and finally crashes into the pillar. The woman behind the wheel turns to the man with glass eyes, on the next seat: - Well, dear, your hiccup has passed?
A peasant at night returns from the pub. Beer asks for a way out. The elevator does not work. The bullet takes off to the 7th floor, frantically opens the door - and on tiptoes so as not to wake his wife, unbuttoning trousers on the move, rushes to the toilet. A jerk opens the door and sees such a picture - the mother-in-law sits in a nightgown with a player on the toilet and listens to the "Brothers Grim". Her eyes are slowly rounded and focused below the waist. In the silence of the night only music can be heard ... The first man can not stand: - Mom, what are we waiting for ?! Chloe-o-pa eyelashes - and take off!
How much vodka does not drink, the body is still 80 "consists of water
A guy is riding along the track on a wheelbarrow, and behind him is a leash for the leash, the crocodile is tied and runs after it. The crocodile is boring: - Well, paws in the sand, tummy in the sand, a muzzle in the sand. And so all the way. The guy stops, throws the crocodile into the trunk and goes further. Voice from the trunk: -Well, paws prischyel, tail pinned, snouted mug ... The muzhik stops and pulls the crocodile out. - Well, again - the paws in the sand, the tummy in the sand, the muzzle in the sand ... The man is getting mad and again throws the crocodile into the trunk. - Well, as always ... paws prishchil, tail pinned ... What a bore you, man!
The mole climbed out of the ground on the beach, right between the legs of a sunbathing girl ... sniffed and grit: - A hedgehog you chtol? .... died chtol?
Two friends are talking: - You know, if my boyfriend does not congratulate me on his birthday - he will be so fucked ... - Sveta, he meets you - he is already fucked !!!
Sitting Hemingway in a bar in Cuba, Daiquiri sipping. And at the next table sit two bearded men and drink rum glasses. Then the waiter politely puts an account on the table, and the bearded men scratching their curly beards - do not put yourselves into this account ... you do not see your beard - we are from the police of Fidel Castro. We got up and left.
In their place, two others sat down, took a sip of vodka with sandwiches and also refused to pay - you see a beard, they say, we are from the police of Fidel Castro.
Waiter, almost crying, bears the bill Hemingway, and he does not hesitate to say - not-ah, I will not pay. Waiter quietly ohue - and you, gringo, why? Hemingway unzips his pants and, showing curly hair, says - and I'm from SECRET police.
- So, on a visit to our program today graduate of the Faculty of International Relations MGIMO, holder of grants of the Belgian and Dutch universities, a graduate MBA and holder of Microsoft certifications Maria Petrova. Maria, tell us about yourself, what you live, what are you keen on, besides studying, scientific work and work as a top manager. - I'm fond of water polo, photography, non-linear video editing, curling, oral sex, anal sex, group sex, I consist of five swinger clubs .. - What are you doing? WHAT DO YOU PLAY!?!? - I whip macrame, I embroider with smooth, I crochet ...
Love girls both in peace and war ...
War. In the trenches sit soldiers and shoot back. Suddenly a satisfied soldier comes from the next trench: -You sit here. -Well, the war. We shoot at enemies. -And in the next trench the nurse gives everything. -What's all about? -Yes, absolutely. - And the ass? -Oh sure. -And in the mouth takes? - No, she does not. -And why? -And she tore off her head with a grenade!
A terrible animal, a fucker, was planted in the forest. Completely from him the life was gone, so he zadolbal. And the beasts went with a bow to Snake Gorynych. "Take care," they say, "three-headed!" I will not save from this parasite, how you will be distracted - it's like here, and nowhere to go ... And the Serpent went to deal with this miracle in the forest. How long, shortly, did he go out into the clearing, in the middle of the clearing - a stump, and someone is sitting on a stump. - Who are you? asks the Serpent. - Yes, here, the local ebunchik called, - the animal answers. Here the Serpent as it is flooded, winks with wings, flutters with fire, only smoke does not start from ears - fear induces. He made a noise, made a noise and threatened: "What, scarecrow, is terrible?" - Oh, it's scary! answered the animal. - For the first time such terrible e ** t will be!
A guy somehow wakes up in the morning, comes to the mirror. Look, and instead of the navel - a nut. Well, he decided to go to the doctor. Comes: - Doctor, here I have a nut instead of a navel. Help, huh? The doctor looked, felt, shrugged his shoulders: - And she, the nut, you worried? - Yes no ... - Well, so be it. Medicine such a disease is unknown. The peasant returned home. And all to him nemetsja: yes what is this nut such? He took the key and unscrewed it. Just turned off: the women - the ass fell off. Moral: do not look for adventures on your ass.
"Do you like to drink beer with squids?" - No, I like more with friends ...
... During your work in our company there was an error. Try to quit and get a job again ... Favorite stage of alcoholic intoxication: I can still walk and talk - but it's already fun. Give me half a liter of vodka - and I'll tell you how to get the country out of the crisis ... If a person is attracted to everything negative, it means that he is so positive, or he was just rubbed hard on the ebonite wand. According to the military registration and enlistment office, the average Russian conscript is gay Krishna, suffering from flat feet. I look at you and see that there is not enough vodka! The first chat for autists was opened ... According to the rules of the chat, only one user can be in it. It is foolish to try to have time to explain something in words in the intervals between blows on the face - it turns out vague and often has to be repeated. If your boss is the last bastard, do not tell anyone about this! Better wait, when someone else says it, and then tell the boss. Let's add to the existential contemplation of this vodka its empirical perception ... ... The system engineer has performed an inadmissible operation and will be pushed off.
- Why does Tymoshenko have such a strange haircut? - At the request of Yushchenko. - And what is it to him? - Convenient when she has a rudder on her head ...
"Yesterday I caught cockroaches in the apartment. Three had to be let go. - Why? "They had documents in order."
Client: - I need a flat with a black turn. The broker: - Here it is. The client: - And where the ceremonial? The broker: - So you also need the front door? !!
- Do you have a separate bathroom? - Yes! Toilet on the balcony, the tank is in the kitchen ...
The girls in the lake bathed, Their hopes were justified ...
A call to the hotel administrator: - The light in the room interferes with me and the water in the bathroom murmurs, how can I turn it off? - You see, we have an all-inclusive hotel.
Scientists crossed the rabbit and Pavlov's dog. God forbid you enter the cage and turn on the light.
"Grisha, what did we drink yesterday?" - It's dry. - And why am I wet ?!
From life. A couple of days ago, manager Sasha called his wife and said that he would come home very late. Then I got into the car and rushed home. - Well, how? I ask him the next day. - Did you catch it? - Still would! I knew that when I was not, she put on my slippers !!!
Alexander Lukashenko, following the wishes of 97% of the population of Belarus, put forward his candidacy for the Pope's election.
- Why was Yulia Tymoshenko appointed chairman of the Ukrainian government? "Because it can not be a member of the government!"
- Do you want to quit the past once and for all? - Break the hard drive!
Morning crush on the subway on Monday. Woman, loudly: - Young man, do not breathe on me! "And to whom shall I breathe?" - I do not know, I do not care! - So me too!
2100 year. In the Dutch Episcopal Church there are fierce debates about the possibility of recognizing heterosexual marriages.
He saw her and exclaimed: - That's it! She answered him: "That's NOT!"
"This is awesome," said Winnie the Pooh, taking the vibrator out of his ass ...
The teacher takes from the student "Playboy": - I want to see your parents tomorrow! - And why wait until tomorrow? Here they are - page 42-43!
The case in the sex shop. - You could not show this inflatable model? - Here - just your size. "Is she fresh?" - Of course, here is the date of manufacture - January 2005. - Oh, Capricorn ... No, it does not suit me!
- The jump from the Ostankino tower without the parachute ended with a failure. - Although, how - a failure? Leap, in principle, took place ...
Caucasian "McDonald's": - Free BBQ!
Learning that Eve had sinned with the serpent, Adam caught the Serpent and sinned with him for it three times.
Do you know where the name "tampon" comes from? Zoologists have such a concept "tampion" - this is a small tangle of moss-chewed moss with saliva. With this ball, the bear for the period of hibernation plugs its anus, so that ants do not crawl there !!!
Provincial registry office, young people apply. The employee of the registry office: - Maybe you should open the hall? Groom: - Do not. - Maybe the musicians call? - No. - Video, photography? - No. - (with irritation) Although the case for a certificate of marriage is bought! The groom, unperturbed: - Thank you, I have stayed with the last time ...
- Girl, do you rest here alone or with a friend? - With a friend of a friend.
- Girl, what do you read so thick? - His medical book. - Oh, sorry - me, it seems the wife is calling ...
"I was told by a gypsy woman that I will find a wife at the resort. - Try to dig here in the sand.
Two at dusk on the beach. He: - Do you want me to get a star from heaven for you? She: - Or maybe something better material? He: - All right, now I'll bring that bug out.
"Grandma, why do you have such big eyes?" - Angela - let's go, the client is waiting. Enough to ruffle - you think, my grandmother on the street greeted ...
A dog is sitting in front of a bunch of meat and eating. Another girl runs up to her and asks: "Where did you get so much food from?" "I took these pieces from the cat." - But other? - And the rest - a cat ...
From life. The other day I was walking with a colleague on Leningradsky Prospekt and saw a stand with a newspaper of something like "The newspaper of our district" with nine ferocious faces in the whole turn. No other than someone is looking again, I thought and went to read closer ... And do you think that there was written? << DO YOU KNOW YOUR PARTICIPANTS? >> !!!
"Petrov!" "Yes, Marya Ivanovna?" "Two, Petrov!" And do not argue with me!!! Petrov, what are you writing! No, what are you writing ?! "A horse was walking in the distance" ... Would you ... Hee-hee ... Would you have written: "In Velasquez - Rembrandt hamster!"
- Girl, and what kind of fuck is this? - Glamor, fuck!
... This question was answered by Vasyl Tsukerman, the chief deputy assistant to the head and curator on social issues and concurrently the chief accountant of the analytical department of special projects of the central department of political and economic international programs of the Center for Open Foreign Policy Innovation Technologies of the Institute of Socioeconomic Problems of the Transition Period of the Underdeveloped African Countries, Russian Academy of Sciences. : "No".
In one park there was an old-style toilet. It was demolished, and the hole was not buried, only a little covered from above, so that it was not visible. And here are two hard workers, one tall, and the other on his shoulder, for some reason turned off the track - and landed directly in this pit. A high pit just on the chest. But the little one ... He is standing on tiptoe and his head is up, but still the contents of the pit reach his chin. They stood, stood, fed up. High starts trying to get out. And in a small, low-pitched voice he asks: "Vasya ... do not stir ... do not stir ..."
Mom and daughter, Muscovites, on the Odessa beach. Daughter: - Mom, Mom, Saha-at-atri - jellyfish! Mom: - What is a panda of a jellyfish? Tzla-ah-afan ...
On the operation. Surgeon: - Clamp ... Tampon ... Scalpel ... Tampon ... Suction ... ... - Sister! Suction is a tool!
From the will: "Brains put in an anatomical theater in a jar with formalin and the inscription" Do not fuck! "".
The husband comes home, his wife meets: - Why do you smell of other people's spirits ?! - Yes, you know, my dear - the secretary, such a fool, make up your makeup, took out the perfume - and accidentally splashed into me ... Time passes. The husband comes from work. His wife: - We have news ... I'm pregnant! - Duck it's like that ?! Yes, I'm protected! "You know, dear, my boss is such a fool ... I conducted a personnel check - and accidentally splashed into me ..."
A young Russian guy married an American and went to the states. After a while he writes a letter to his parents: - Dear Mom and Dad. Katherine and I are doing well. We live in peace, although one embarrassment has come out. My Catherine does not have milk and we gave our baby to breastfeed a black woman and imagine he suddenly turned black. Parents after a while write the answer: - Dear our boy, we are very worried about you. You know, when you were born with your brother, your mother also did not have milk and you were fed with cow's milk. But only one of your horns has grown ...
Stirlitz got into the car. In my head, it was spiraling: "And I'll sit in a cabriolet ..." "The roof syhala" - thought Stirlitz.
Favorite phrase of the theoretical physicist: "You see, we made a mistake only by order."
A young son approaches his father and asks: "Dad, tell me, what is politics?" - I'll explain it to you on the example of our family. Look: I earn money, then I am the Ministry of Finance. Mom leads an economy, it means she is a government. Grandfather makes sure that there is order in the house - he is a trade union. The housekeeper does all the housework - she is a working class. All we do is for you, then you are a people. And your one-year-old brother is the future. - Clear? - No. "Well, then go to sleep." In the middle of the night, the son wakes up from the cry of his brother. He gets up and goes into the bedroom to wake Mum. After unsuccessful attempts to do this, he goes to the kitchen where the pope makes love with the housekeeper, and grandfather watches it in the keyhole. After that, he returns to his bed and continues to sleep. In the morning he meets his father and says: - Dad, I understood what politics is. - Tell me. - This is when the finance ministry fucks the working class, while the government is asleep, and the trade unions are watching from outside, while the people do not care about everything, and the future is in shit.
...China. 70th years. There was a recording of the population. All in a panic, the population exceeded million. They asked for help. The inter-governmental committee adopts a decision: all the countries are stripping their clinics for the execution of operations for the castration of the male half of the population. The first postroili Japanese. Reported: 2000 operations for the site. All in awe. The followers are about the end of the construction of the Americans: 6,000 operations per sytki. All in awe. Then papotyut Pyassky
: 12,000 operations for five minutes. All in misunderstanding. A commission is sent for verification. The commission sees a huge field, afflicted by a barbed wire, there is an officer with a mattress and commands: - In one strenging strive! ... Napa-ah-ah! ... Hagi-and-and-bass ... Eggs neighbor in zyby-s-s-s to take! Then comes to the lasty behind and from all around gives emy on the eggs. Heard ydalyayuschyasya distance: - Hmm ... hhhm ... hhhm ... hhhm ... hhhm ... hhhrm ..
Last week before Easter, a train, a coupe, in a compartment the two are Georgian and Ukrainian. The train started, the Georgian took out of his suitcase a chicken of tobacco, a shish kebab, a lavash, a khachapuri, a matsoni, a Kindzmarauli, a lot of any greenery and fruit, and invites the Ukrainian woman to share a meal with him: "Get out, daragoy!" Ukrainka, modestly lowered her eyes and clutching her bundle in her hands, he replies: - Dyakuyu, I can not at all times - in me is a great pist. Georgian: - Slyushai, daragoy, bolshoy pussy, malenky pussy, you still need to eat!
Sexual secrets of the peoples of the world:

The number of "once a week" for the average man: Korea - 4.5 Greece - 4.2 Romania - 4.08 Philippines - 3.95 Russia - 3.87 The world average - 2.8
The number of parallel links for the average obscene male: Brazil - 11.37 USA - 8.77 Australia - 8.54 Great Britain - 8.28 Greece - 8.25 The average score for the world - 7.65
The number of generous men willing to spend any amount to please a lady: Indonesia - 64% Portugal - 51% Poland - 42% Netherlands - 40% Italy - 39% World average - 31%
Percentage of men who are willing to pay for sex: Korea - 42% Brazil - 34% Philippines - 32% Greece - 31% Russia - 26%
Percentage of men who practice "sex for one night": Portugal - 81% Brazil - 76% Australia - 65% Russia - 65% Spain - 63% Average percentage of the world - 58%
Average duration of the petting (in minutes): Great Britain - 17,44 Australia - 17,20 Germany - 16,92 Mexico - 16,91 Czech Republic - 16,43 Average duration of petting around the world - 15,78 minutes
The number of items available in the average man's arsenal: Hungary - 8.27 Argentina - 5.76 Spain - 4.63 Brazil - 3.95 Greece - 3.83 The world average - 3.35
Percentage of men who had threesomes: Brazil - 19% Great Britain - 18% Australia - 18% USA - 17% Russia - 15% Average worldwide - 14%
Percentage of men who give partner orgasm at each sexual intercourse: Italy - 60% Hungary - 58% Philippines - 54% Indonesia - 54% Netherlands - 50%.

My friend the pathologist works. A man so unsociable, taciturn, unsmiling. Even with his eyes he does: SIDS, SIDS ...
the end of the form, the doctor, thank you! You have so well operated on my brother ... it's for you! - No, well, you ... - Take it, take it. - Do not need, well, where ... - And where do I put this leg? Come on, take it!
- How to prove mathematically that the party line is direct? - Each point of this line is an inflection point. Therefore, at each point the second derivative is zero, and this is the characteristic property of the straight line.
- The club announced a lecture on the theme "The people and the party are one." No one came. A week later, the lecture "Three Kinds of Love" was announced. The people were filled with darkness. "There are three kinds of love," the lecturer began. - The first kind is pathological love. This is not good, and we should not talk about this topic. The second kind is normal love. You know this well, you should not talk about this either. There remains the third, the highest kind of love - the people's love for the party. We will talk about this in more detail.
The farmer quarreled with his wife and threatened to join the party. "I'll do this shame to you, bitch!"
"Honey, do you like my erection?" "Oh, yes, darling, she's adorable!" - Well, handmade
In the bath: - Kolyan, I did not understand, are you a Jew ?! - Why do you think so? "You have a cut off member!" - Well, let's put not circumcised, but bitten ...
Grandma climbs into the crowded bus and yells: "Be careful, guys! Eggs do not pierce! A man to her: - A cho, grandmother, testicles bought? - No, I carry a bag of carnations.
Phrase in a crowded bus: - Young man, take off your glasses! You're tearing my pantyhose!
Shvartsneger is on the bus. Suitable controller: - Your ticket! "I'm Shvartsneger!" - Well, so what? Your ticket! Schwarzenegger gets an iron ruble, puts it in a composter and composts it. The conductor tears the ruble: - It would be so long ago!
My husband suddenly returns home. Wife urgently hides her lover in the closet. The husband takes off his jacket, opens the closet - sees an unfamiliar naked man, who holds one hand to the crossbar. "What are you doing here?" the astonished husband asks. - Yes, I'm on the tram. - Well, you said! "Well, you asked!"
The crow sits on a branch and sees a cow climbing along the tree. Crow: - Cow, what are you doing? Foolish? Why are you climbing a tree? - Apple eat! - So this is a pine! - And I have with me!
Young young woman starts the first day on the post ... He came, he is met by a bison, a terry old traffic cop: - Fasting. Money is the sea. Work, without bread you will not stay! And leaves home (after the shift :) ............. In a day comes to change the young: - Well, how? Did you have a lot of work? - Yes, what kind of fuck did "work" .... Dine and then went to his own ... - Eh, son, you can not work. Here look how it is necessary. He takes a condom out of his pocket, waving his wand, the truck stops: "Breathe into the tube." - Foo-y-u ... - So .... Pyaniy ......, we go to the examination. - Well ... it's ...., the boss ..., dear, let me go, I'll give you money ..... - Drive on. Waving his wand, the following car brakes: - Breathe into the tube. - F-f-f-oo-oo. - So .... There is a reaction to alcohol, we go to the examination. "Commander, I'm sorry for God's sake, do not ruin it, you better take the money." "Go on ..." Wand a wand. - Breathe into the tube. "Why are you putting a condom on me?" - Sober. Drive through.