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My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories

Stopping the private soldier who did not give him the honor, the officer said: - Listen, private! Do not you see what kind of form on me? The soldier examined the officer from head to toe and replied: “You are lucky, sir!” And now look what they gave me.
The doctor examined Private Field’s hand and asked where he had hurt her. - Yesterday, - the soldier began to explain, - I was returning from the dismissal ... - So what? - And someone stepped on my hand.
The young driver Builds returned to the garage on foot late at night. - Where is your truck? - asked his commander. “Two miles from here.” “Why didn't you drive him here?” “It was already dark and I could not assemble all the parts, sir.”
The village .. complete devastation, the owner of a down-to-earth bukhar Chickens are all dead, nothing to eat. A barely living cow, a cat and a dog Sharik gathered for advice. Cow: - Everything! I can't do this anymore! Another week of such a life - and die! I go to the farm, there though herovo, but fed. Cat: - Yes, and I probably will go to the city. How can a bunch of garbage, not die of hunger. And the ball is silent. They tell him - well, what did you think? - And I, I said, will have another week. - ??? - Yesterday, I heard the hostess say, "Another week of such a life - and we will suck everything at Sharik ..."
Two penguins are flying. One to another: - How do you get to fly? Fat. Fatty. Wings tiddly. - Look at yourself, freak!
- You are brothers? - No, we are twins. - And what - the twins are not brothers ?! - Not always - we, for example, sisters!
The bartender tells a friend: - What a woe! Yesterday one of our regular customers died. Wonderful man. Every day we drank at least 30 mugs of beer and 2 liters of vodka. - And from what he died? - I have no idea.
Chicken walks through the woods. He caught up with the Georgians, caught and raped. Chicken could not resist and died. Raises his Georgian, strokes the head and says: "Chicken, small, zholtenky, pushystenky, fucked and horse ..."
Bobby ran into the living room with a shout: “Mom, mom, some man snuck into the nursery and kisses our nurse.” Mom dropped her knitting and rushed to the stairs. “April Fool's joke,” Bobby laughed. - This is our dad.
Long New Year's holidays are given to a Russian person so that he can drink and eat everything that he has accumulated over the whole year.
Up to 30 years old, a woman drives away all the goats from herself, and after thirty she tries to lure the rest.
It is only possible to distinguish a girl from a nondevk accurately.
Fat women can be loved only on a desert island where there is no other food.
Evil dogs are needed to drive away good people ...
You can take the girl out of the village - but it’s impossible to bring the village out of the girl.
I'm never drunk in my memory. At least, I do not remember such cases.
So two hearts have joined ... A mess in the operating room!
Some men spend money in casinos, because they are not able to do it in the literal sense.
Requires a programmer without bad habits (the annual upgrade of the company).
Klitschko brothers still met with the world champion! Fucked up Kasparov!

- Are you in Paris? And left a will?
- My God! Who do you look like?! - I tell you the truth! I can take any shape!
- Why is the general on the monument depicted in this position? - Yes, he should have been on a horse - but the municipality did not have enough money for a horse figure ...
Holiday - Day sysadmin. On this day, drunk sysadmins will brawl, bathe in fountains, beat shop windows, grab by the breasts of passers-by and growl in anger: “Yes, you are not a Vinda administrative bitch!”.
In kindergarten: - And now Dima will tell you the story "The case in the forest", which he invented himself. - I did not invent anything. They really were naked!
- What are you doing over there? Do you get rid of black dots? - No, from the white tracks!
There are classmates drunks, long time no see. The first carries one bottle of vodka, and the second - five. Second: - Why only bought one? - You know, the teacher’s salary doesn’t go too far! - What are you - a teacher? - I'm not the wife!
A conversation between two friends: “It turns out that all summer I had been rubbing my husband not with tanning ointment, but with ski ointment.” - Burned out, probably the poor fellow? - the second asks sympathetically. - No, just socks bent!
There are two friends. One says: - Count up, I met the girl of my dreams and we got married! Second: - And show me her picture! Looks and surprised: - And this is the girl of your dreams? - You see, when I dreamed, I was depressed ...
A man comes to a fortune teller. That card spreads and says: - So, the first thing you have to remember is that a treasure is buried not far from your house. - No, but this is too much! Have you agreed with my wife? Can you talk about anything other than her first husband?
At the Physics and Mathematics Workshop, Ashot Aganesyan with the help of the ball and against the lines of research has disproved probability theory.
At the birthday of the father-in-law who drives the Zaporozhets, the brother-in-law broker pushes a toast: “Well, dad ... You have so much health that you can catch up with the Mercedes ... And we will help to sell the apartment!”
- Captain, how is it? - shouted from the board after the sailing boat. - You must leave the ship last! “You are the last,” answered the captain, working hard with oars. - I leave the ship to you!
Dagestanis did not buy Dosya laundry detergent for a long time until good people explained to them that the pig was not part of the powder!
A young family (14 and 15 years old) is looking for a family friend with a passport to buy liquor and cigarettes.
- Mama! Mama! I went to the pond for sweet sedge! But there is someone scary living in the pond! I'm afraid of him! - Well, firstly, I am not a mother, but senior lieutenant Ivanov, and secondly - whether it was sedge, you will tell us now!
Scary stories. One man bathed at night in the bathroom. Dropped inadvertently soap. He bent down, looking - and huge hairy hands stretched to his feet and soap from his shoulders!
Hospital. Nurse - to the doctor (in a whisper): - Doctor, I have a patient there - the one that is new, grunts in some sort of squeaker. Maybe call a psychiatrist? Doctor: - No, don't. This is a professional hunter. He is probably asking for a duck.
- Stand! Submit documents! - And what's the matter? - Yes, nothing ... The documents you have in order. What are you doing here? - Imagine - a walk ... - Gentlemen, it's not customary to walk here! Although no one forbids it - but it’s not worthy to walk here for respectable and mentally healthy gentlemen ... - Why is that ?! - Here are minefields ...
- What are you so busy, neighbor? - Yes, so I'm here a chair for his mother-in-law master. I had to learn so much new things: joinery, painting, and upholstery ... - And there is still a lot left? - Not. There was only work for the real specialist - for the electrician.
- What is a woman like a grenade? - Safe while with the little ring ...
Science News. Opened the tenth planet of the solar system! This is already the fifth tenth planet discovered over the past few years ...
Why is a small light bulb with a reduced base called a “minion”? Because it is easier and more convenient to take in your mouth than a regular lamp.
- Guys! Right here and now tell me: is homosexuality normal? - Well, yes, in principle, normal! - Hello, mom? Yes, yes, I'm fine!
Children play in the camp. The counselor asks a question: - What is the most unexpected place for you to pierce a girl? - Neck! - Tailbone !!! - Heel !!! Little Johnny quietly, philosophically says: - The most unexpected place for piercing a girl is a dick!
The inscription on the tombstone: "Petrov Oleg Pavlovich 1970-1990. Petrova Olga Pavlovna 1990-2005. This man lived two short, but very rich lives!".
TV game "What kind of dick?". Participants are looking for a prize hidden in a sex shop window behind one of the dildos ...
Communal apartment. In the toilet, a little girl was inadvertently closed and could not get out. All the residents gathered around the toilet and shouted at the door, vying: “Do you see such a small freak there?” - Up, up it! - To the left pull! - No, right! To the right! Push - Left! and so on Behind me, another little girl quietly fits, looks at the adults and quietly, to herself: “Ahuet ... Ford Bayard, fucking ...”
The guy bought a ticket for the World Cup from an employee. When he came to the stadium, his place was on the very last row and also in the corner. After some time, he noticed through binoculars that one place was free, in the 10th row from the field and right in the center. He decided to take a chance and, slipping past the cops, sat down at this place. Sitting down, he asked the man next door if this place was taken. The neighbor said no. Boyfriend: - This is so amazing! Who could, having such a place, not use it! After all, this is the World Cup! Neighbor: - Actually, I bought this place for my wife, but she, alas, passed away. This is the first World Cup, where I am without her. Guy: - Very sorry. But really you could not find anyone at this place? Maybe a friend or relative? Neighbor: - No ... They are now all at her funeral.
One girlfriend complains about another: “I can’t wean my husband back home late ...” “Nothing complicated,” says the second, “when my Seryozha comes home at three in the morning, I ask so sleepily:“ Is that you, Andryushenka? ”
The couple fell out and the wife moved into the living room. Two weeks later, my husband knocked on the door. - Leave me alone! - shouts wife. - You see first what I knock! - the husband answers.
- Does your husband love you still? - Fortunately, no. During this time, he has already learned something!
Zustr_chayutsya yakos Ukrainians that China. China pita: - Are you in Ukraine alive? Ukraine: - Ta milyoniv 50 !!! China: - Oh, so you see one Mabuchi in the guise you know?
- Girl and you can meet? - Yes, and how can you interest me? - Well, you know, my mental and sexual possibilities are endless. - Aaaa! So this is you that moron, who is already all tread @ hal !?
Wake up After yesterday's friendly booze, the head just breaks. Without opening my eyes, I hear my wife going to leave somewhere, comes up to the bed: - Vodka, juice and lard you roast in a frying pan. - Oh! Dear, and why vodka ??? - What are you, last drink propyl? I say HERE'S A BIT OF FAT, FIRING ON A BAR!
Bear: - Hey, Eagle! You did not see my kosyachok? Eagle plaintively: - Misha! Take me out of here !!!
Well, again she saws me, threw my socks under the sofa, and in general I am dirty and cultivate poor sanitation. Got it, now I will show you unsanitary conditions. - Dear, and when you cook soup, throw a bay leaf there? - Yes of course. - Do you pre wash it? - No, why? - So it is dirty and there are a million microbes on it. - Well, you're an idiot, maybe even wash the tea? - Tea leaves undergo heat treatment in special ovens. “Well, in the soup, the lavrushka will bury, and all the microbes will die.” - Yeah, and I along with them. So that you know, when the Indians dry it under the sun, they walk on it with dirty unwashed feet, spit in there and blow their nose. And from the end they have a clap dripping right on the leaves. And you give me this to the soup? So this is why I have been lately! Do you want to poison me? - What are the Indians, what a clap? Look, it is packaged in Moscow! LLC "Ten chefs". - Yeah. Two Tajiks and eight Uzbeks. In Moscow, the bay leaf is not growing. It is brought from India in dirty bags. And then in the Moscow suburb of some basement, the Uzbeks, unwashed from birth, put their hands on the bags. And these same hands in the ass are picked, you know that they do not use toilet paper and do not wash their hands. Lick shit from your fingers and further Lavrushka packaged. Are you in my soup? Look, half of my nearly blevanula. Gathered with strength and moved the last argument: - And my mother never washed. And nothing! Where is your dad now? I know that, Vladykinsk cemetery, sector 23. Apparently. she thought the same thing, her lips were shaking, there were tears in her eyes. It's time to finish. - Here you will become a widow, you will remember - and here, under the sofa, Peter kept his socks. - AAAAYABUDUMAINLAVRUSHKUUUUUUUUUU !!!!!!!! - tears in three streams. - And let the socks lie under the sofa? - it is necessary to squeeze the maximum out of the situation. - DDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!! - Well, that's good, why are you roaring? Well, think lavrushka ....
- You're Ukrainian - where is your national pride, you were an excellent student at school, you have two higher educations, a clever husband, beautiful children - and you, damn it, working as a prostitute, you can’t make a normal blowjob for a client ?!
They ask the German: - What kind of car do you drive to the store? - On BMW - And abroad? - Well, abroad on a Mercedes. They ask a fratzuza. - What kind of car do you drive to the store? - at Renault! - And abroad? - Abroad on a Peugeot! Then they ask our: - What kind of car drive to the store? - on the trolley bus! - And abroad? - And we do not go abroad! - Well, if necessary? - And we do not need! - Well, if B-O-OO-O-T is so necessary? - Yes, we do not need! - Well, if B-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-T so need to be throat? - Well, if B-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-O-T is so sickly needed, then on the TANKS!
Bill Clinton flies on a two-seater with his wife, she is offended with something and he decides to amuse her. He nods at the pilot: - Do you want me to give him $ 5, will he kiss my hand? She: - Fi .. - Do you want me to give him $ 100 he will give me a leg kiss? She: - Fi .. Pilot turns: - I will throw the wheel, you will suck with me ..
The plane flies from Moscow to Kiev. The stewardess stops near the man and says: - Do you want me to tell you something that you will laugh from Moscow to Kiev ?! - ... well - Your fly is open and a tip sticks out from there! Man: - And if you want, I will tell you something that you will laugh from Kiev to Moscow !? - ...? - This is not a tip, this is all!
A young surgeon in the military wants to impress a young nurse. He says to one of the draftees: - Roll back the penis. Sunset Nurse! See what a romantic sunset!
You understand that you live in 2006 when: 1. by mistake, you type your system access password in a microwave 2. you have a list of 15 numbers to contact your family, which consists of 3 people 3. you send e- mail to a colleague sitting in the next room 4. you lost contact with your friends or family because they do not have an email address 5. after work you return home and answer the phone as if you are still at work 7. you you fall into a state of panic if you left home without a mobile phone and you're in you chat with him 8. you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is connect to the Internet, even before you drink coffee 9. you bow your head to your side to smile: 10. now you read this text, you agree with it and smile 11. even worse, you already know to whom you will send this message 12. you are too passionate to notice that number 6 is missing in this list 13. you only needed a second to run through the message again and make sure that the numbers 6 really no And now you laugh. Come on, send it to your friends. You so want it!
Exam in chemistry. The student fails the exam and it is already clear that the end. Someone from the commission asked a joke of a question: - Please tell me the formula of sparkling water. A student with anger in his voice: - How do you like it, with or without syrup?
Husband and wife sunbathe on the beach. Suddenly, the husband asks: - Tell me, dear, what is the name of a creature with thirty-two legs, green eyes, a red and hairy body, in brown and blue stripes? “I don’t know,” the wife is angry, “but you know that I don’t like riddles.” But still, what is it? “The fact of the matter is that I myself do not know,” the husband replies, “but I will still try to throw him off your back!”
A young man walks into a bar, sees a beautiful girl there, walks up to her and says: “Hello, baby, let me fuck you?” The baby gets up, gives him a knee between his legs, he bends, she takes a decanter from the bar and smashes it on his head, the dude falls, the baby begins to kick him in the face, in the stomach, in the ribs ... Then she moves away. A few minutes later, the guy barely gets up, comes up to her again and says: - I understand that you won't take it in your mouth either?
- How is it you, a respectable old man, and steal cars? - Is it my fault that in the years of my youth there were not so many cars?
The judge asks the accused: - Do you admit that you hit the victim with a brick on the head? - I admit. But he had crooked legs before that.
- And you say that your husband, who barely stands on crutches, has beaten you? - You see, Mr. Judge, when he started, he was not standing on his crutches yet.
Persuading a guy girl to make him a blowjob. She does not agree - the taste defined by her is supposedly disgusting. The guy promised to take out at a crucial moment. He promised - fulfilled, and straight to a friend in the eye. Ta yells: Vasya! ink! ink!!! Vasya answered: pa-pa-pa-para-pararara-pararara-ra-ra-ra-rarara!
- Hello, hello, is this bookkeeping? - Oh, why? - Can I talk to Marivanna? - Oh, it's me, why? - Marivanna, I am from T-Systems, my name is Dmitry. - Oh, my God, you sisem? - No-no, not me ... ugh ... in the sense - not you, that is - you, ugh, well, in general it does not matter, and not sys, but systems, well, systems in English, in the plural ... - Oh ... - So, we want to invite you to implement the system on the Mysapcom platform. Have you heard of this platform? - Lord! Not. Where is it? - Ah, Marivanna, you did not understand! This is not in the sense of the platform, but just so they say, but it means just a modular system that is configured on the customer's request. - Oh ... - So, what are you working on right now? Probably on 1 s. So, 1-s is not able to provide the functionality that glanders provides. I'm not talking about integration with other systems. After all, you probably want to, for example, warehouse transactions automatically generated accounting or, behold, Western investors will appear and you will need to report on gaap, or sell for export, because in two currencies you need to keep records. And, in general, glanders can do anything. Here, what are your main problems in the business process? Let's just look at a specific example of how glanders can help you. Even if I can’t answer right away, we will request from Sapa himself, we will prepare a presentation, well, in general, we will give you a complete picture of the capabilities of the system ... - Oh ... Well, what are the problems now? Well, yesterday Ksenia got pregnant too. And she was the last. The others got pregnant earlier and went on maternity leave a long time ago ... And this conscientious one was, and she did not get pregnant, and worked for everyone. And I have an annual report ... I, behold, I think if they take turns, or if Xenia suffered another half-year, Natalia should leave after the second, and if she leaves again, it's not scary, there are two right there will come out, they, however, on the first, well, so for any months six will work, so that next year I will not stay alone ... Or what do you think? Cheated? - Uh-uh, well, to be honest, I don’t know ... We, as it were, are doing a little bit different ... - It can really send them to this platform of yours, maybe there is far, fewer men will be spinning around ... Although, these they'll get it everywhere ... But maybe not all at once ... Oh, well, in general, come ... Just be married or not so interested in it. Better yet, bring your accountant into two weeks. BUT?
- Hello! Hello Vasilivanych? - Yes sir! - Vasilivanych I am from the company T-E-S-S-S-T-E-M-S. - Oh, you ... - Yes, so we want to suggest that you implement the most modern system on the boards ... uh-uh ... on the basis of the maysapkom. - In both! “Have you already heard anything about this, uh-uh, thing?” I will tell you in two words. In general, SAP contains all modules that are capable of automating a wide variety of business processes. At the same time, a single information space is being created, automatic transactions, the formation of analytical reporting ... reduction of losses ... considerable experience has been accumulated in our team ... - So, tell me right away - will you peg the walls? -?! Vasilivanych! That you, is completely different! Maysupkom - it's just a program, well, consider - the air, why do we need ... - You do not teach me, I have a degree, though technical, but higher. And if you hammer on the walls, I want to immediately warn you - get the approval from the architects and firefighters themselves. I will not do this! And then they put me drying in the toilet at the general. German. I immediately warned that the walls can not be chipped just like that. And these fagots took and continued! Immediately all ponabezhali, yell, wanted to give to the court. These walls, you see, were last repaired under Catherine. I, too, fucking, found historical value. Yes, our entire city has not been repaired since the time of Ivan the Terrible. Houses sypyatsya - finger poke. Last year, a plumber drunk his head under a wash basin. So it then two hours from under the bricks raked. Polsteny eb .., in a sense, fell. Why the dick me this relic? Would take a piece of the wall, take it to your eb ..., in the sense, a local history museum, and I would, fucking, have been given to build a normal concrete building. Then hammer this eb ..., in the sense, a wall under this garbage of yours, how is it there? - Mysapkom ... - In-in, I say. Though May, at least June, even though it is a branch, at least a district committee, but please yourself with these fuckers. Get permission - come. By the way, keep in mind that the fireman now does not drink. So, as you will agree with him - I will not put my mind ...
- Semyon Semyonitch? - Well. - Hello, my name is Dmitry. I'm from the company ... - Well. - Uh-uh, well, then I immediately to the point. We want to put you a system. - Well. - Um, I'll talk a little about the functionality. Are you interested in all logistics or just purchising? You will probably be interested in automating the assessment of the need for materials? For example, a new toy model is being launched. With ears, but without a tail. Sap can you automatically calculate the need for components, draw up a schedule of purchases ... - There is no place to put. -?! - Put, I say, nowhere. The entire warehouse is filled with these ears. Why count them? They are enough for fifty years. Left hind legs - for ten years. And no heads. Sew on your ears to nothing. Earlier they were made of earflaps. The military will be knocked down and we are driven. And now the army has been reduced, earflaps are not enough even for a monthly plan. Call Sales. If they have a place in the warehouse, then they will deliver this your piece to themselves. But only on euro pallets. They ship products on euro pallets. Then the products are written off, and the pallets are sold. Complete mess. Businessmen are bad. Plant these necessary. - Uh-uh, thanks, understood. What is the name of the sales manager? - Semen Semenych. - Oh, your namesake? - No, the name and patronymic are written in reverse order. -?! ... uh-uh ... got it, but do not tell me the phone? - The last numbers are 3-3. - How are you? - No, they should be typed in the reverse order. -?! ... uh-uh ... I understand, now I'll call. - Call after lunch. In the morning their head is not so busy. If you can call it a head.
- Semyon Semyonitch? - Yes!!! My dear!!! How glad I am to hear you !!! Do you know that our factory produces a large range of excellent soft toys, which are in great demand both in our country and abroad !!! Our factory employs highly qualified specialists with vast experience in the production of the most complex products that bring joy and unforgettable impressions to our children and their parents !!! We deliver !!! When buying more than one toy for one child, payment is made ... - Semen Semyonitch! Sorry to interrupt, my name is Dmitry, I ... - Dmitry Mikhailovich! Very good that you called! We just just launched a new bear. A sight for sore eyes, not a toy. He will become a true friend of your child! Do you have a baby, by the way? - Yes, two, fifteen and twenty one years. - Wonderful! This is the most suitable age! Our bear will help them to become real people, he will inculcate in them a careful attitude to nature, will teach to love people and respect their parents. He ... By the way, I advise you to take two. Or four, if you are already planning grandchildren. Do not pull with this. I mean your grandchildren and our bears. Children grow quickly, bears - more expensive. So I would take eight pieces if I were you. Do not disappear! They after all are made of natural fur. In the end, your wife can sew them and sew your vest. Now winters are cold, but you know how to heat them ... - Semyon Semyonitch! I talked to Semyon Semyonitch from the supply, he advised ... - Yes, yes, I know. This is me. Before lunch, part-time job supply. Head of supply planted a week ago. If now the chief of sales is put in, then the previous chief of supply will come out, he is just running out of time, and will be part-time for me. So you can not worry about anything. Your order will be securely executed ... - But, I wanted to offer you ... - Of course, of course. I remember well. Procurement works just ugly. They can not calculate their reserves. The biggest problem with the ears. Rejoin that the ears will last for fifty years. And if not enough? How can we build our sales strategy with such accuracy of forecasts? So, if your product goes on euro pallets, I advise you to call the supply and talk to them. They must in order to avoid switching to euro pallets. Otherwise, they will never establish a normal accounting. By the way, how many pallets does your product take? They need a hundred pieces. In principle, you can first deliver them separately pallets, and after three months have already brought up the products. - But ... - The chief is called Semen Semenych. The phone is like mine, only the last two digits need to be dialed in the reverse order. And do not pull with the purchase of bears. Who knows what prices will be after me.
- Hello, girl, hello, this is the shop? - Yes, but what is your name? - Me, Dmitry, may I speak with ... - And me, Masha! Are you married? - Very nice, yes, I'm married, so can I pogo ... - Nah. Burned out. - ??? - Yeah. At work. Three days did not leave the office. Drank. That burned out. Lukewarm was taken away in an ambulance. But if you do not care, then talk to me ... Although, it would be better if you were single ... - Well, all right. You see, we suggest you implement the Mysapcom system. - To me?! “Uh-uh, no, of course, not only you, but everyone. This system ... - Girls !!! Heard, guys will come to us !!! Well ... this is ... will be introduced ... Not, not only ... Everyone, I am not an egoist, has already agreed ... * Girlish voices are heard. * ... And where will they live? ... ... and how many guys will ... ... travel ... ... you are a fool, Lyusya, in such a blouse ... ... maybe not all married ... ... Zinka has a magazine, there are patterns ... ... and how many guys will be ... ... yeah, she will give you this hairstyle he will do that and nobody will want to <insert> ... ... last time a whole team came too, and only one married ... ... and how many guys will ... ... don’t need to go to the club, there’s a TV set, football will start - you won’t wait I ... ... if a married man comes here, he knows what he is going on ... ... and how many guys will be ... - And how many guys will come? - Well, you see, it is so hard to say, it depends on the volume of implementation, and it can only be determined as a result of a preliminary survey ... - Oh, listen, we don’t need to examine anything, the volume is very large, you want, we will send photos. We have only truly unmarried twenty girls, and ten more - so easy. Another patch of tails and legs. There, too, is full of girls and there is no one, how is it with you ... <implement> ... - Girl! You did not quite understand me correctly. We are talking about a computer system that can provide: production planning, cost accounting, long-term forecasts of the volume of output, and so on, you know ... - Yes, yes, I understand. And guys will come married? - Masha! The project team includes consultants depending on the implemented functionality. So, how come. Married and single, men and women ... - Oh, and this is why? We and our girls have enough. So let us guys, and your girls, if it really is necessary, send to our designers. It is full of men. True, all nasty. Ours don't like it. Or drink or read books. You come to them for the drawings, you want to talk, so one bit does not knit, but with the other - nothing. And I’m not talking about <introduction>. So we work. Well, in general, come. If your guys are honest, then <inject>, we do not mind. If only everything was human.
- Lavr Fedotovich, hello! Thank you for the opportunity to get acquainted with the business processes of your wonderful factory and talk to the experts who ... - Well, you bent about the experts, of course, but otherwise I want to say that you did a great job. I was told here by our idlers. Especially satisfied with the sewing. The girls did not know. Well done, turned serious somehow. One feels that you have touched them with something alive. We really should start the most serious transformations. And the transfer to euro pallets to transfer, and the girls get married and in the accounting of this anarchy to stop. So let's sign a contract. Only you do not deliver all the pallets to me at once. And then Semen will tell you. I know him since high school. Ever, blurt out something at the blackboard that not only parents, all relatives and neighbors are called to school! Ha, hey, I remember once asked him <Who is the author of Eugene Onegin?>. And he take and blurt - <Pushkin!>. The teacher was dumbfounded: Although wait a minute, so really indeed - Pushkin. And what did he blurted out then? I remember that I was asked about Eugene Onegin, I remember that the teacher was dumbfounded, then he was sent to the director, hell, and what he said was that he forgot. Wait a minute, I'll call you by internal. * Conversation is heard * ... Semen, what did you teach the teacher about Yevgeny Onegin then?:. What are you, seriously ?! In, give! .. And she? .. And the director? .. And mother? .. Oh, I can not ........... .. - Listen, well, in general, he said that it was Pushkin who wrote off Pushkin from Lenin. So you understand that Semyon will say it is necessary to divide the hit. Pieces fifty for a start is enough. Well, with the guys in the sewing do not pull. Now until they arrive, no one will work. And then, thank God, otherwise they will be in such a state that they cannot be shown to children. Hey, I remember twenty years ago they came to us from fraternal Africa to share their experiences. Well, we decided to sew them a souvenir, you know, a monkey. Hey, in the regional committee they say that it was cheerful, hard-working, well, in general, that the friendship of the peoples, proletarian solidarity and all such fucking is mine .. They come. Well, we sit, we drank, we shared our experience, we bring them our souvenir. And I did not trace what the girls are going to sew. Unfold, fuck me! : the gorilla stands with a brutal grin, holds a cudgel in the huge paws and holds a tail the size of a jackhammer, moreover, it is sewed in front ... Then, they explained to me what the guests wanted to like. Oh, hot girls were ... Guests liked ... Now their daughters are working. Milk chocolate. And the character all went to mother. So look, do not disappoint. By the way, Masha, this is my nephew. You really look after her, so that she got something decently. If you decide to stay here, then I will immediately make a hostel, and an apartment - as soon as they give birth to their second child. Well, I'm waiting.
Dear Alexey Viktorovich, based on the results of a preliminary study of the needs of the factory in automation equipment, several functional areas have been identified, which can be improved by implementing an implementation project. Heads of departments expressed some wishes regarding the forms and methods of the project. Summarizing everything I heard during the negotiations, I consider it expedient to ensure that the factory holds a tender. To participate in the tender to attract all companies known to us. Transfer to these companies all available materials about the factory, except for the transcript. If, despite this preparation, the unfavorable outcome of the tender cannot be avoided and we have to take over the general contract, then I strongly suggest that you involve military units deployed in the area as a subcontractor. Also, when considering the issue of my future participation in this project, I ask you to take into account the state of health, age, marital status, positive feedback from colleagues, merits to the company, the fundamental principles of humane treatment of prisoners of war.
With hope of understanding
D. Heifetz