My Blog: Jokes jokes jokes stories
There are two students:
? Where are you from?
? I was in the library, I took a book.
? And what kind of book?
? "AS Pushkin". About the pilots, I guess.
? And who wrote it?
? Yes, Uchpedgiz some ...
Lady in the pet store:
? You sold me a parrot yesterday, but if you heard what he says!
It's just withered!
? Yes, the bird is not very well brought up, but in fact she does not drink or smoke!
There is an operation. The tragic voice of the patient is heard:
? The doctor, I think, did not fall asleep.
? Yes, it can not be! The doctor continues to operate with enthusiasm.
? Doctor, honestly, I do not sleep.
? Come on drop it! The doctor makes an incision.
? A-ah! Painfully!
? Look, you really did not fall asleep.
? I told you so.
? Well, be silent in your rag ... with chloroform. By the way, give him another.
? Kaif! .. Doctor, and you can still ?.
? Kaif! .. And yet?
? Can. Give him a kiyankoy on the forehead ... Boom!
? Wild kicks! .. And you can even drink it?
? Enough with you, and then quickly get used to.
? Doctor, how is it? Is it dangerous?
? Ill, you're in my way.
? I can leave.
? No, stay. There is nothing dangerous. The bullet passed through without hurting vital centers. By the way, what kind of fool did you shoot?
? Why a cretin?
? So do not they shoot like that! You need to take a little higher, and to the left, to the left ...? It's very simple, Doctor. I'm lying late at night with a woman in bed, I do not touch anyone except a woman, and suddenly, BOOM! BACH! husband came.
? A! So, the husband shot?
? What there! Listen further. So, I'm flying from the balcony, I do not touch anyone, and suddenly, BOOM! BACH! I fall on the policeman's favorite dog.
? Yeah, then the district officer shot.
? He, of course, shot, but never hit. So, I run to myself naked on the street, I run, I do not touch anyone. And suddenly, BOOM! BACH! I hear someone from behind is catching up. It turned out, a maniac-killer on sexual grounds.
? Did he shoot?
? No, this one only gently choked me. Well, next to the rockers on motorcycles had fun to ride. We with this maniac three quarters from them escaped.
? So did they shoot them?
? Yes you! These are children, scoundrels. True, the poor maniac was killed after all.
? Well, then when will they shoot you?
? And you listen. So, I'm running from sin, into a commercial store, trying to pull on the first trousers I've got and suddenly, BOOM! BACH! the watchman jumps out ...? Shooted?
? No, I shot back. Because immediately after me rackets broke into the store.
? Racketeers, then, shot?
? Why did they shoot, they put us on their stomachs and acted as soldering iron. Well, the watchman before death had confessed that I had nothing to do with it. They let me go. Left, and right at the meeting a beautiful girl from an intourist hotel comes out. And I, as luck would have it, did not have time to dress. She pulls a gun and a BOOM out of her purse! BACH!
? You got it?
? I got caught, and more than once, only her gun had a gas, nerve-paralytic effect.
? So who in hell did you make a hole?
? So, I come home in the morning to my wife, naked, with blue from the beating of erysipelas, and even under the gas. I'm not going to touch anyone, and here, BOOM! BACH! the father-in-law pops up with a double-barreled gun.
? Got it?
? Ginger in the ass.
? Listen, patient, I would go and shoot myself if I were you.
? So what do you think, I'm lying here with you?
Go to the tram mom and son? and my son tightly bandaged the lower part of his face .... The people turn sympathetically, and then some compassionate lady can not stand it:
? And chtay-ta at you such with the boy happened?
Mother (gloomily):? Mouth broke !!
? Ah ... and how is it?
? How how?? Mouth broke? nuts were eating ...
? Well yes!! Buy, grit, mom, I need a coconut ...
I came one time to a very famous store selling cosmetics. I decided to buy myself another dose of cosmetics, I go to the store window, where everything is wonderfully disintegrated and arranged, I must say the prices for this product are very decent. In the same place, a lady is trampling, and somehow now she was awkwardly twisting and turning a sample of lip gloss and dropped the case on the tile floor. Clearly the bubble fell and this substance, in another way it is impossible to name, spattered the floor. The lady quickly flew off the scene. Immediately approached the girl consultant with a rag and cleaning liquid and with the words: "Well, garbage, FIG ototresh!", Began to wipe the stain. Practically horrified! After all, it really did not wipe off, and we put it on our face !!! I did not buy anything that day, which greatly surprised my faithful. After all, I did not finish shopping at this speed.
My chief engineer is a radio electronics engineer. By education and vocation, a fan of what kind of light did not see. And just a genius. Well, how all geniuses are not without distraction, to put it mildly. First-person story:
? A week was tormented over the decision of somebody there (I do not shy in this, so without details) the task is incredibly complex. At night I do not sleep, I do not eat, I think about it all the time. And now the decision is close, the skylight is visible, now it's very soon ... And I catch myself thinking that I'm sitting and shit! And where is it? I DO NOT REMEMBER!!! In horror I look around and expect an incredible embarrassment. And uh, what relief? at home, in the toilet, as expected.
This story happened in our favorite common bathhouse, famous all over Peter for its therma. There people take care of different things: homeless people, bandits, students, and commerce, in general, whoever does not. Behind the counter of the wardrobe is the bathhouse attendant, and behind him on the shield an inscription: "The cost of a bath is 100 rubles for two hours + one hour for free." I already paid (there payment after washing) and waited for the change. Here are four foreigners and in broken Russian one asks the bathhouse attendant (and you should tell you that not the old bathhouse attendants are working with clients recently, but their young shift: two young taciturn guys)? "How much does the bathhouse cost?" The guy is absolutely impassive:? "One hundred." The foreigner to his own something rather zalepletal and continues to ask:? "One hundred rubles for an hour?"? "No ? says the guy - for three. " And the sauna closes in an hour. The foreigner again tossed his words: they were pleased with their heads and he again turned to the guy: "How much does an hour cost?" Unperturbed in return - "One hundred rubles" The foreigner became serious, as though multiplying two numbers, again he asked: "Three hours a hundred rubles and one hour a hundred rubles? "" Yes "? there was an answer, without any smile. The foreigner said something for a long time with his own and gave it out: "How much does it cost for half an hour?" The answer is clear - "One Hundred." All eight foreign eyes after that, not blinking, looked at the young bathhouse attendant.
? Promise that you will not leave me! Promise! Look at me and promise! Do not take your eyes off !!! Look at me and promise that you will not leave me!
? And you hto vooooschee?
? Smoking! I'm smoking!
? Mom, look, the bicyclist has gloves without fingers! As our daddy socks!
If America ever starts a war with China, then the Chinese will not resist. They will start to surrender every day for a million people ... After three or four months of such a war, America capitulates!
Spaceport. Preparations are under way for the first launch of a new missile. In the control center sit representatives of various organizations that participated in the creation of the missile. One of the firms is a young specialist and an experienced mentor. The countdown begins: ten, nine ... A young specialist says to the mentor:
? Why are you silent, because we have a lot of shortcomings, the rocket will not take off!
? Sit down and be silent!
Seven, six ...
? Now it will explode, I'll let you know!
? Believe my experience, sit and be silent.
Four, three ... Then a representative of another firm jumps up and screams:
? Stop the launch, we have shortcomings!
Then an experienced specialist says to a young man:
? You see, because of their fault, the launch of the rocket was disrupted.
Angelina, I decided to tell you - I'm leaving. I do not consider it necessary to explain anything, everything is clear from my letter to you. I fell in love with Maria from the second subgroup. Our kindergarten seemed to blossom when I saw it. You were like a shadow. Farewell, it seems that Mary Ivan is approaching, our upkeep. If she sees that I do not sleep in a quiet hour - I have an edge. I'm leaving you! "
Husband and wife
PAGE FROM THE WIFE'S DIARY OF THE WIFE
Saturday, evening. My husband is acting strange.
We agreed to meet in GUM for a cup of coffee. I went shopping all day with my friends, I thought that he was upset because I was a little late. He did not comment on this. He could not talk, he was silent all the time. She suggested moving to a quiet place so that you could talk calmly. He agreed, but remained silent. I asked him what was bothering him, and he answered that everything was in order. She asked if it was my fault that he was silent and only muttered in response. He said that everything is fine and I should not worry about anything. On the way home, I said that I love him, he smiled and continued to steer. I can not understand his behavior and I do not know why he did not answer my confession. At home, I did not leave the feeling that my husband was lost in some fog, and did not want to be found. He sat motionless and gawked at the TV, and seemed very far away and into the water of the pubescent. Finally I decided to go to bed, my husband came to the bedroom in about ten minutes and, surprisingly, answered my affection, we made love, but still he seemed strangely absent. I decided that I could not bear this any longer, and that I had to discuss all this in detail, but I noticed that he had already fallen asleep. After wept, I fell asleep. I do not know what to do. I'm sure he has another. My life is a disaster.
PAGE FROM THE DIARY OF THE HUSBAND Saturday, evening. Today Lokomotiv lost, but not bad sex.
Soon the New Year! It's time to wash socks and change the blade in a single razor.
- Mom, why is everyone calling me a bulldozer?
"Close your mouth, you blockhead, and you'll scratch the furniture!"
"Who's crackling that appetite?" Can chips "ESTRELLA"?
- No - I'm pushing cockroaches ...
The owner of the new car woke up at night from frightened yells of alarm. Runs out into the street, and at the entrance two ambals stand:
"What, you brought the keys, bro?" Come on!
From Windows's FAQs:
Q. What do the numbers 95, 98 and 2000 mean after the Windows logo?
A .: The number of bugs.
- Girl, let's play in computers!
- Oh, and how is it?
"We'll hang somewhere, my mouse!"
Two friends were unsuccessfully looking for work ...
Finally, one saw in the newspaper an announcement that a very aristocratic house was looking for the head waiter. He went there for an interview. The next day he tells his friend:
- At first everything was very good ... A gorgeous house! The countess herself accepted me!
At first they just talked ... Then she says - show your hands.
Showed ... She says hands are good, just for white gloves.
Then he says - show caviar ... I lifted my legs, she looked - well, she says, it is quite suitable for French short trousers ...
And then he says - now show your references ... And then, it seems, I made a mistake ...
"Would you like to spend your vacation in England?"
- I have a desire, but I do not like this left-sided movement! I tried one of these days on the Garden Ring - no, it's not for me!
The foreigner on the Red Square asked Rabinovich what kind of line it was near GUM.
Rabinovich said that it was the turn to sign for a loan. Molotov called Rabinovich:
"Comrade Rabinovich, on behalf of the Soviet government and the Soviet people, I thank you for your action." How did you come up with the idea of such a resourceful answer?
- I'm a patriot!
- Tell me, what would you like? You will get everything you want!
"Give me a visa to America!"
There are two people on the street:
"Oh, how old, how many winters!" How well you look! And how is your wife?
- What are you, come to your senses - I'm a widower !!!
"Oh, I'm sorry, I wanted to ask - how is your widow?"
- What does SPV mean?
- In 15 years: while it is necessary manually.
In 25 years: midnight, noon, evening.
In 35 years: Monday, Friday, Sunday.
In 55 years: the fifth, fifteenth, eighteenth.
In 75 years: time for wonderful memories.
Yesterday we are sitting in line with my beloved and here she kisses me and gently whispers in my ear:
- Imagine that we ourselves, only together, in an empty room and no one, no one. What would you do?
Well, I imagined. And he replied that he probably would have risen from the floor, because it's cold and hard to lie in an absolutely empty room.
And she was offended ... why?!?
The real story took place in one of the buses in Izhevsk. In the bus a crowd of people and among this crowd on the seat there is a mom and a son (4-5 years). At the same time the son has a big head (obviously more laid), covered with a hat. Thought: Well, the boy is sick, you never know what kind of illnesses there are from birth and that's it.
And then the boy asks: - Mom, and I'm the KING? To which his mommy replies: - You are Fool, not the KING !!! Everyone on the bus begins to resent: "as it is possible", << the child has a disease, but you ... >>, << he is not to blame, this is the ecology, and you ... >>, << for which he so, he then has something to do with >> and so on. And at this moment my mother laughs and takes off her hat ...
It turned out that the child was playing at home and put a vase on his head during the game, which he could not take off, and they were afraid to break it, so they went to the doctor to take this vase.
God comes to Adam and says:
"I have two news for you, one good, and the other bad."
Adam looked at God and said:
"Okay, let's start with the good news first."
"I give you two parts of the body." The first one is called the "brain". It will allow you to become more intelligent, to conduct intelligent conversations with Eve, to invent new things. The second one is called "penis".
It will allow you to multiply all over the planet, to leave behind posterity. Eve will be happy that you have this body and you can give her children.
Adam was very happy about this. He exclaimed:
"What a great news!" Thank you, God, for your gifts.
And what's the bad news?
God looked sadly at Adam and said:
"The bad news is that the blood I gave you will not be enough to use these two organs at the same time.
"You look awful."
"Is it possible to say such things to a lady?"
- Oh, sorry, I thought you were already at that age, when it does not matter.
Muzhik calls in proftom and says: soon summer, do you have drinks in the sanatorium or, at the end, in the rest house?
They say that they have run out of sanatoriums in the sanatorium, and there is nothing to do in the rest house with a hygienic end!
If you do not even get SPAM - you are a real bastard ...
If the conscience does not allow you to sleep at night - try to treat her the same way in the daytime.
Vodka - this is such a thing ... like you fall asleep satisfied, but wake up, and something is missing.
If three of the gloomy peasants go to the store in the early morning, then do not ask them - "what for?".
To enjoy and receive pleasure is not exactly the same thing.
Measure happiness in money as it went, like x ... in centimeters.
The session is coming. Prices for petroleum jelly are growing.
Appeal to the meeting of transsexuals: << Dear ladies and gentlemen! >>.
Pose "rider" Russian woman is not surprised - she is a horse and a race ...
Bureau of Gene Examinations: << THE PATRONIC IS IN DANGER! >>.
Russian cynologists finally proudly announced that they have brought out a unique new breed - the Russian fair ...
The dog runs from morning till night in the marshes and presses the toads!
The inscription on the girl's T-shirt:
"Cupids, please - just not the goat ...".
"Where did you get the finale?"
- Yesterday a friend returned from a wedding trip.
- So what?
- This I persuaded him to marry ...
- Something you have a mouse! ..
- Yes, I scratched the whole screen with a cursor!
- Why stores are called female names?
- They are more pleasant to enter!
A man takes a hat for a long time in a store, on the counter there are some kind of bowlers like Chaplinsky.
The man - the saleswoman:
- Che you have all the hats so fucking ?!
The saleswoman, hitting the palm of her hand on the kettle:
- Do not like fucking - take the cunt!
Sow reasonable, good, eternal!
We take a slightly reasonable, temporarily good, but undoubtedly eternal, we put on a bunk and - we sow, we sow, we sow!
- Damn, I can not support my girlfriend!
- So drink it ....
- How do drivers of huge trailers call children who ran out to play on the highway?
Let's take the Negro's job. Not slavery.
- And my husband is fond of football! Every weekend he goes to play with friends.
Yesterday I went ... Returned tired, frustrated. I lost ... Everything ... Until the last penny!
The park ... The moon ...
The girl, dreamily:
- Remember, in the kindergarten, the lockers were, and on each - some drawing ... I had (rolls his eyes, remembering) yula ...
The guy, joyfully, finding the topic:
- I remember !!! I wrote "dick"!
"See that guy?" He's such an asshole ...
- It's just such an asshole ?!
- How bad is an asshole?
- So much so that if you open the dictionary and find the word "asshole" - then there will be his photo!
"Vasya, you know, my wife is almost blond!"
- How is it almost ?! Happens or the blonde, or not ...
- Yes, in fact, she has a brunette - but a fool!
- Hi dear! Did you buy us medicine to stop the cough?
- Fucking bald! Cyanide I bought you, and then the head hurts from your cough !!!
- Hey Ya! And Cho is this a choo of a face swollen?
"And we fought all night against evil with evil ..."
- Have you won?
- No, it remains - will you? ..
- How many great nations are there in the world?
- Russian, non-Russian and Armenians.
During the excavation of the Indian settlement of Tau-hau, a golden statuette of the god Quetzalmigonkugankoatlktochentchetl, the god of diction and memory, was discovered.
"Do you have nails?"
- Somewhere were ... Somewhere were ...
"Could not you be quick?"
- Wherever they were ... they were lost ...
Do not include newborn babies pop!
Put them great composers, Mozart, Beethoven, Bach ...
Let them from childhood nausea from the classics ...
- Vasya, why do you have all the pans without pens?
- And I, Fed, wife - tennis player ...
The old man caught a goldfish. He asked for a villa instead of a cottage, instead of the old woman Vasilisa the Beautiful.
It seems to be nothing, just Vasilisa pestering stupid questions about bait ...
If your dad masturbated in some pond - could get a fat and horned toad!
- Waiter, remove stains of fat from the surface of my soup, they keep watching me for food all the time!
Three times President Lukashenko:
- I changed the Constitution a second time ... it's time to think about the Bible!
Male counterfeiter praises his wife:
- Clever, today you spent another 10 thousand rubles ...
Girl guy shows photos.
"Are those two your friends too?" Awfully beautiful!
- Yes, this is awfully beautiful, and this one is even more terrible!
That's all they say: xenophobia, xenophobia!
And what if my mother-in-law has Xenia?
- Hello! Is this the "Star Factory"?
- Do you need a device to enhance male vocal abilities?
- Do you need it? And what about you?
- Small egg tisochki!
- Do you remember, Seryoga, how we got drunk and got into the jacuzzi together ...
- Yeah, Lyokha, I remember!
- Well, at least drunk - otherwise someone would think that we are blue!
- Uh-huh ... You just talk less quietly - otherwise people on the balcony are standing there, and they'll start throwing bottles at you!
- And why should they throw some bottles ?!
- Uh-oh! From these straight people you can expect anything!
There are two old friends. One of himself is fresh, well-groomed, dressed with a needle. The other is shabby, scuffed, bruised all over.
They ask each other - how is life, how are you?
- All full of okay! The firm is thriving, working on the Japanese system.
Dissatisfied release steam on a stuffed chief ...
- Yes, we also worked on the Japanese system ... But my scarecrow some kind of whore at the cottage was stolen!
On the road, the Mercedes stopped. Bung. Drivers signal to Mers.
From it comes a chic blonde, comes to the first buzzing car and says to the driver: - A young man, look at what I have with the car, and I'm still pobibikayu instead of you!
Summer, heat. In the bus opposite the woman with a boy of about four. On the boy's head is a large knitted hat. The kid loudly asks:
"Mom, but I really like Ivan Tsarevich?".
To which the mother with the expression responds: "You are a fool, and not Ivan Tsarevich!". In response to an astonished glance, he takes off his hat from the child: "Here, I'm taking the second time to the emergency department." He wears a crystal vase on his head.
Did you know that the cartoon "Ice Age", shown on Christmas Day on Channel 1, was nothing more than a warning from meteorologists!
One told. We sat drinking, went for the supplement and the dog was taken at the same time to walk. They bought themselves vodka, and the dog of a steep fodder to indulge. They send themselves poured, the dog is thrown out of the meat, but she does not eat anything, and so she does not want to poke her face. In the morning the picture, the dog at the bowl of saliva comes out, and on the muzzle is a muzzle. Forgot to take off in the evening.
The biggest optimists in the world are Muscovites: when they go down in the subway, they buy a ticket for two trips.
The toilet is the most common drug. Everyone is sitting on it!
Deciding by the head or head to think, men often choose the lesser of two evils.
What a marvel of nature this female logic: well, what kind of question may arise about whiteness of teeth when you meet such a miracle of nature as a talking beaver!
I love animals, birds, fish ... Especially for vodka with garnish!
If a woman especially tries to show where her legs grow from, then she just needs to hide where her hands grow from.
Often women blame men for what is rare.
The husband in the house is like a fire extinguisher - maybe someday it will come in handy.
Hui Einstein - this is the smartest thing that ever came out of the mouth of a woman.
Dialogue at a party of people with disabilities: - I would invite that cool girl out!
- Belenkaya, too, nothing!
- Yeah - and there she is, with her legs ...
The secretary-manager represents the accountant to the new employee:
- And this is our Nina, an accountant with a capital "B" ...
The offended accountant did not remain in debt:
- And you, Yana, secretary with a capital "C" and a manager with a capital "M".
In Moscow, a criminal group was discovered that was selling a fake dish-washing dish "Fairy", the press service of the Main Directorate for Combating Economic Crimes (GUBEP) of the Russian Interior Ministry said on Monday.
The main differences in counterfeiting are cheaper, washes better ...
Still never Founfirin failed to remove the muddle, which could not because his head hurts!
"Not a single new hole," old Colgate thought to himself, examining the visitors of the bar.
Potrakhova claimed that sexually starts when the husband erases, sews, washes floors ...
- ABOUT! How I dream to lean on a firm man's shoulder!
- Yes! It is good to rely on the firm ...
The credit goes to Tolstoy's work "Anna Karenina." The student tells about Vronsky's life long and tiresome. The teacher is tired of listening.
- About the hero of the novel you told enough ... Now tell us about the heroine!
The student is animated:
- Heroin - a strong thing! And why do you ask this?
Donetsk soldering plant received a large order for the manufacture of lie detectors.
- Listen, Misha, they say about you that you are going to the church now, is that the truth?
- Oh, Syoma, do not take it to my head - I just changed the provider ...
In the St. Petersburg newspaper "Advertising-Chance" I read the announcement: "I change a little girl for a girl 4-5 years ...".
Only the third time I understood what was meant ...
A drunk, untidy dressed man buys a small bottle of vodka and says with annoyance:
- On the salary of a doctor is not very clear up ...
- You are a doctor?!! - the saleswoman was surprised.
- My wife is a doctor ...
- Scientific research has proved that laughter increases life by five minutes, and a glass of sour cream - by ten. People! Laugh over the sour cream!
- Recently, my wife compares me to the Russian national football team!
- What, in the light you can withstand 2 halves for 45 minutes?
- Yes, no ... Just last time before the finale reached the 1988th ... And then as part of the Soviet team.
- Diving is such a thing that prevents singing songs and conducting the program "Smack".
- What do you say about the last concert of Kirkorov?
- Well, what can I say ... Phonograms also grow old.
- I can not afford two children!
Putin at a meeting with businessmen and investors says:
- There will not be a rollback to the past!
In the hall someone whispers:
- Hints that it will be necessary to give kickbacks to the future ...
Zebra, passing the road police post while driving a car, thought for a long time that this was shown to her traffic cop?
Studying world history you begin to understand that Justice is just the name of a statuette, handed as a passing prize to the next winner in the same fight.
"... and shove yourself in the ass." - this is not a curse, but an excerpt from the instructions for the use of candles ...
Today in the capital passed a traditional spring subbotnik.
The head of state personally planted several publishers of newspapers and magazines.
For the elections to Verkhovna Rada:
"... Dear deputies, take your seats according to the purchased mandates!"
- Daddy, how can I reasonably play chess with you, if you constantly steal my figures ?!
Poster at the station: "Every hour eight trains leave our station!".
From hand signature under the poster: "And only three returns!".
The phone rings, I grab on the machine. A woman's voice with the usual tone of the supply agent with a direct question at once:
- Is it UralPromAvtomatika, but ...?
My answer is the same:
- No you're wrong!
I put the phone down with an exhalation:
- Fool !!!
I wake up from the flow of questions to myself: why at 3 am? Why was asked in Russian? Why on the mobile? And, in the end - why should he call California for this? !!
- Dad - is it true that in Ukraine the president is a pedophile ?!
- And what else, I wonder, can there be a president, son?
I bought a guy a daughter a little book and a beautiful one - a shortcut called.
Here is the quick-talk from there: "I'm not going out on a pothole out of the pothole."
I tried to read the child ...
... does not try any more ...
"I'm at the bar." Someone to bring something?
"Bring me Lyonya from there, I need him urgently."
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Your chance.
- You're lying!
- Why ?!
- The chance does not knock twice.
- Seryoga! You closed the door?
- It's closed!
- On the key?
- On the key!
- Pizdun you, Seryoga! We're in a tent!
- What do we have under socialism?
- Solar heating, moonlighting, correspondence education, prison education, conditional reward, unconditional destruction.
- And what will happen under communism?
- Paradise attire, grave silence, portraits of leaders, yes our skeletons.
Three alcoholics argued who would drink more from the puddle. The first started, took a few sips and could no longer. The second lasted three minutes. The third one sucked in: ten minutes, half an hour, an hour! Finally he breaks away from the puddle:
- Foo! Oh, and the long jerk was caught!
At the lesson of history, the teacher tells the children about the Auschwitz concentration camp.
"My grandfather died in Auschwitz," shouts the little Stas, proud that he can stand out among the other students.
- What did the Hitlerites torture him?
- No, he was drunk and fell from the watchtower.
Petka runs in to Vasily Ivanovich:
"Vasily Ivanovich, tanks in the garden!"
"To hell with them!" I yesterday about them a new checker blunted.
Anka is crawling, followed by Vasily Ivanovich, followed by Petya, into reconnaissance.
Vasily Ivanovich takes out Anka with questions:
- Anka, did you happen to be in the ballet?
- No, but why?
- Yes, your legs hurt so much ...
- Anka, did not you study rhythmic gymnastics?
- No, but why?
- Yes, it's too painful for your figure ...
Tired of Petka listening to all this:
"Vasily Ivanovich, have you never been a plowman?"
- No, but what?
- Yes, the furrow is painful after you ...
Vasily Ivanovich is talking with Anka.
"You do not know why Petka's hair is so full of curiosity?"
"And he, Vassily Ivanovich, is rubbing his hair with eggs."
- Well, an acrobat.
The teacher is talking about the future.
- Here you are, Vovochka, who will you be when you grow up?
- The policeman.
"And if there's no police then?" There will be criminals and no one to catch.
"But society is so self-sufficient that there will be no negligence, no fire." Why firefighters?
"Then I'll go to the officers."
"As long as you grow up, the mind will triumph over the whole of our planet."
People will live a peaceful, happy life. The military will be useless.
"Why are you bothering me, Marya Ivanovna?" I will not work anyway!
After calculating the budget for the next year, the wife tells her husband:
- We need to thoroughly limit our life. Therefore, you must stop drinking a glass before dinner, and I'll try to wean you off your cup from your side.
At dinner there is a desperate quarrel, fly tarelki, the table reverts. The neighbors are trembling with fear. Suppuga collects suitcases and leaves. But two hours later he climbs the stairs again and, pounding his foot with his foot, poses:
"You can think that you're lucky." My mother, too, was very cautious and went to her mother ...