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DIARY OF THE FREEZING MOSCOW (Oleg Kozyrev) 01/19/2006

DIARY OF THE FREEZING MOSCOW (Oleg Kozyrev) 01/19/2006


First day

It seems that this was the first weather forecast that everyone believed. They showed us too brightly what is happening in Siberia. The shots of Siberians freezing on the fly are more than convincing. Moscow froze in anticipation of cold weather.
The night passed in anticipation of a disaster. The dream was restless. Dreamed of snow, icicles and Chubais.
I categorically did not want to wake up and get up somewhere. It was only the desire to help the country double the GDP that raised me to my feet.
I wrapped everything I could on myself. I went outside. He returned. Wound up what I could not.
Long fiddled with the intercom. The entrance categorically did not want to let the cold outside. Finally, unable to stand it, the metal door opened, letting in a crowd of stunned nearby dogs.
The street was frightened by the lack of people.
I'm trying to figure out how best to go to the subway. If you run - the wind will be in the face. Go around. If it’s slow, I’ll pierce it too.
Muscovites watched me with interest from the windows. In the views it read: “will — will not?”.
By the road were figures of voting Muscovites. Some of them, without waiting for a taxi, fell onto the pavement with outstretched hands.
It’s strange. The road to the metro, which used to take twenty minutes, was reduced to two. Einstein was right.
The subway is unusually quiet. No one is talking. No one reads. Everyone calculates how much they run to work. Some, having calculated, turn and go back, home. Home closer.
At work, I did not find half the office. It is a pity that I did not guess not to come.
Cold is felt even on the Internet. Muscovites sites covered with hoarfrost. Mail is slow. Strange, at low temperatures it should work faster.
All couriers from the office are escorted with tears. Like the last way. Some couriers do not return.
I am horrified to think that Chubais’s prediction about power outages in the capital will come true. Remembering the summer mass outage, I am internally afraid that the main power engineer will still touch the switch.
The road home is the only joy of the day. So I rushed home only after demobilization.
There are even fewer Muscovites on the streets than in the morning.
Dogs were not allowed into the porch for a long time. I had to pretend to be a dog.
Is there another day tomorrow?

Day Two (night-morning)

Yesterday all night preparing for the night. Tape all window frames. After a little thought, he did the same with glass.
An hour later he went outside, climbed to the seventh floor and glued the windows outside.
The program of the evening is a weather forecast. I watched it on all TV channels.
The kettle behaves strangely. It cools faster than it heats up. Boil the water and failed.
I went to the Internet for the night. I look enviously at the diaries of the Eastern Trans-Urals: “on the street minus 40, we advise you not to go out in the same T-shirts, we recommend shirts with long sleeves”, “a Muscovite comes to visit me, don’t you know what they wear in this weather? ". Here is a seasoned people!
The night went on nervously. I could not sleep for a long time. Well, why not Friday today? !!!
Chubais dreamed again. This time he was tortured by Shoigu and Luzhkov. They required energy and heat. Chubais did not give up and did not give either the first or the second.
So morning. After an hour of struggle with the intercom, I take a step out. Dogs, which did not crawl out of the porch from yesterday, wailed howlingly after me. They said goodbye.
Students taught last day move in only three. And all the time, who in the middle is changing. It happens that other students join them along the way. Huge balls are rolling up to the institutes. However, those who are outside this globe sometimes do not get to school.
At the crossroads, a new regulatory color has appeared. Instead of yellow, red and green, blue appeared. Blue from the cold traffic police regulator.
By the way, cars behave strangely. There is a feeling that they are also moving in groups.
Motorists are surprisingly polite and pass pedestrians at crossings. However, this is understandable. Pedestrians in Moscow are almost gone. This is clearly an endangered species.
Everyone catches a taxi. With my own eyes I saw how a group of ten people succeeded. Taxi hardly resisted.
In car dealerships, a new service. Two heaters in the cabin.
Oddly enough, the cold practically did not affect the living creatures of Moscow. There are many birds on the trees. It seems that the frost did not hurt them. They quietly hang on branches upside down.
I saw a sobbing girl at the bus stop. She felt sorry for freezing herself.
Today I left the animal welfare society. Give hats and fur coats! Warm and fluffy! Where is the friend’s phone that breeds ferrets?
The metro again became crowded. But not because there are a lot of people. Just those that are are straying together.
Tea is the soft drink of the day. The recipe is simple. Pouring a hot drink. You carry it to the workplace. Are you going to drink. The bell rings. You respond quickly to it. Reaching for the mug. The refreshment is ready!
Everyone takes home work. Somehow even metro builders manage to do it.
It has become easier to communicate. The first half of the day we talk about how cold it was on the way to work. In the afternoon we will talk about how cold it will be to go home.
What will happen next? We will see.
(to be continued)

Day Two (day-evening)

Have you ever seen how Kremlin cadets go to eternal flame? Slowly the leg rises ... lifts up somewhere right up to the chin ... in an inconceivable way does not stop the movement and lifts even higher ... then it descends, without rushing, onto the paving stones. Now imagine that you filmed this gait of theirs on video, and then you watch it in fast forward. Presented? Now double the speed. That is how the guard at the Kremlin was replaced today.
The whole of Moscow covered with frost. White sidewalks, white trees, white students of the Peoples' Friendship University of Russia.
The second half of the day passed in mental preparation for leaving work. Strange, for the first time in my life I wanted to spend the night in an office.
Shot of the day: a frozen car, from which a driver covered with icicles comes out.
I used to think it’s hard to have a cockatoo or a chameleon. Judging by the reviews of colleagues, the hardest thing these days is to start the car.
Muscovites are crazy. They run along the roads, not paying attention to traffic signals and traffic intensity, choosing the shortest path to the metro.
And everyone has a similar gait: straight arms, straight legs, a complete lack of a head. She’s hidden somewhere under a hat and a scarf between her shoulders.
Today, no one went without hats. I saw only one. But it turned out to be a monument.
However, no. By evening, we realized that it was our courier.
Everyone has icy longing in his eyes.
All around cancel meetings, trips, orders and deliveries. From morning to evening, workers are exclusively busy with canceling work.
From the metro stations, steam is carried around the area. Steam comes from everything that is more or less warm. Steam is a clear signal for everyone that you can run there and warm yourself there. I saw how a woman who had already let off steam was running after a man letting off steam. Judging by the heart-rending screams in the darkness of the alley, she overtook him.
In a number of offices, heating was cut off. Worked in clothes. So in the morning they were found.
Siberians began collecting warm clothes for freezing Moscow. We’re afraid it’s not enough for everyone.
Hurrah! Rumor has it that warming was promised soon! In a couple of days at night instead of minus 37, they say there will be minus 32! Lord, how we love heat!
It seems to me that the cold is driving me crazy. Otherwise, how to explain the desire to warm hands on the electronic dial of the watch?
Oh no! The news said that the cold will be another week. What will happen to us Muscovites?
I watched the movie "The Day After Tomorrow" at night. Found a lot of inconsistencies with reality. It’s immediately clear that the director never saw real frost.
If I’m lucky and this winter will be left behind, I’ll definitely make myself a T-shirt or badge with the inscription: I am MOSCOW. I survived the winter of 2006!
Really get up tomorrow and go somewhere? Two mean male tears came into my eyes. And then covered with hoarfrost.
The second day is over.
(to be continued)
Freezing Moscow. The second day (day-evening).

Day Three (morning-evening)

Today, naively, I stopped in the suburbs. Barely got out. This is happening there !!! And frost is not the worst. The worst thing is that there is far from everything. That is absolutely far from everything. In Moscow, after all, how? Stall? Beside. Pharmacy? Beside. Metro? Well, also not so much too. But in the suburbs, it turns out, everything is different.
Stall? - Through the park to the right.
Score? - Behind the stall.
Pharmacy? - Closed.
Boiler room? - Covered.
Metro? - In Moscow.
The train? “Just left.”
Bus? “Not before the ferry.”
There, even to the neighboring house is far. And then there is this frost.
Everything bursts from the cold: bridges, wires, windows. And of course patience.
In the nearest park, squirrels are knocked down in packs and attack sellers of seeds. Two were dragged right before my eyes.
Dynamics of taxi prices depending on temperature:
Minus ten - plus one hundred.
Minus twenty - plus two hundred.
Minus thirty - plus five hundred.
Mathematicians, explain where is the logic?
The hardest thing these days is for dogs. No, not stray. Wandering just settled in our entrances. It's about homework. How to say it correctly .... Let's just say they stopped needing. And who would not stop in their place?
Imagine impatient to you on an important matter. You are whining. And then bam! On you, minus twenty! At first it seemed like an accident. You whined on the second day, when it was time for a new need. Get minus thirty! By the third day, you’ll think about whether this need is so great. Just in case, quietly so pitifully look into your eyes .... Minus thirty five!
Have you noticed that now in the evenings there are almost no dogs that are walking? Only three days, and all dogs developed an absolute reflex: you can eat, you can drink, but according to need? No thanks. Go yourself. Never!
It is scary to look at those rare dog lovers who still have to carry out this procedure. At first, a dog is shown from the entrance. She rests a little on her feet, clings her tail to the door handle (I always thought that only monkeys are capable of this), she begins to reach where she is being led. Then a dog lover appears, wrapped up as the commander of an airliner in the movie "Crew". Both on a leash. It is for the second leash that the pets drag the dog lover back after the walk.
In offices where there is no smoking room, all polls abandon this bad habit. The number of abandoned people absolutely coincides with the number of people who tried to do this in the cold.
And yet, the trend of the day - Moscow is adapting. And it's not even that someone has grown fur (although there have been such cases), and not that they are used to the cold. Rather, we learned to live with him. Unnoticed in the everyday life of Muscovites, habits appeared that did not exist before.
We have learned to appreciate and love others. Everyone readily gives way to each other. Especially in the morning when the seats are still cold.
The bosses became kind. Together with subordinates they drill wormwood in circles with former boiling water.
We began to respect the work of couriers. Like the firefighters in New York, these previously inconspicuous (as they move faster than the human eye can see) guys became heroes. Everyone wants to take a picture with them. Everyone wants to be like them. Of course, not so similar when couriers from the cold come, but internally.
In each decent office, boards now hang on which it is noted how many exits the courier made. Each output is marked with a separate asterisk. Not without black frames around some names. But they are remembered. And they love. And in the spring, when the snow falls, they will certainly be found. And they will call something by their name. Maybe even those cracked bridges.
Frozen ATMs have become fairer. Both the millionaire and the poor are equally served. Money is not given to either the first or second.
We learned not to make cell phone calls on the street. If you hear “I will call you” on your call, this does not mean that the subscriber is busy. This means that the subscriber is looking for the nearest store, pharmacy, library. And if he finds, he will answer you.
And only one clouded us the third day. Most homes ran out of food. Question of the day: who will go to the store?
We will see.
(to be continued)
Freezing Moscow. Day Three (morning-evening).

Fourth day (night-morning-evening)

In comedies, this episode is quite common. Heroes find themselves in some terrible situation, after which they say that it cannot be worse. And after a second, it just gets worse. So joked today with Moscow. A blizzard came to the capital.
In the beginning, it seemed even warmer. And some naive Muscovites managed to reach the shops. And then they got caught! He witnessed how a group of adult chefs carried away by the wind somewhere off the Canadian border along a carefully drilled ice track. The girls flew even further.
By the way, the girl in the wind is an unforgettable sight. If the wind blows in her back, then there is a feeling that the girl is only fingering. And that is more for the mind than for the good. And if she manages to go against the wind .... Although not, I have not seen such a thing.
All products instantly went to the frozen section. A friend of mine, not hoping to bring oranges to home, decided to deliver at least one fruit to his beloved wife at all costs. He warmed it to the very end, hoping that at least it would not freeze through. Indeed, the orange is not completely frozen. The cold did not touch the seeds.
The inscription "HOT BREAD" acquired a different meaning. Muscovites are no longer looking for fresh bread. They are asking:
- What is your temperature bread?
If above zero - this is considered hot.
I always thought that frost is a red nose, this is such a character whose nose is red. Now the true meaning of the expression has reached me. He really has a frost. And the red nose is just with me.
I must say, we all began to feel very subtly the Russian winter and our own history. Previously, for example, did not understand the French during the time of Napoleon. Why did they have to flee Moscow? Now I felt not only the French, but also our army, which went along the same route after the fugitives to distant lands.
Stops for transport were specially designed for our weather. Designers took everything into account. In case of heat, they made glass roofs. In case of wind - openings in the walls. In case of frost - iron seats.
Every Muscovite now knows how to open doors with his elbows. They do not dare to touch metal handles otherwise.
Couriers are a thing of the past. With a blizzard, His Majesty the Janitor came to the fore. It depends on him how far we will travel along the icy sidewalk. It controls the entrances and exits of the porches. He is finally the one who first digs out the couriers. If he wants to.
There is a persistent feeling that all Muscovites are being prepared for some kind of wild test. That heat in the summer, then winter frost. I won’t be surprised if it rains in the fall and snow falls in large numbers in the spring.
But it is not all that bad. There are some good points. For example, now bird flu is not at all terrible. They say that when he found out about the freezing weather, he decided not to go north. Viruses also need to live.
What is the difference between a sleeping Muscovite and going to work in the cold? Exclusively the presence of blankets. However, perhaps some added slippers. So we spend the night.
I begin to understand brown bears. Sleeping all winter is my dream.
Frost taught us to speak the same language with each other. And in St. Petersburg, and in Moscow, and in Tomsk, and in Yekaterinburg, and in Kiev, and in Odessa, and in the suburbs, and in Tyumen, and in Riga, and in Tallinn, and in Vilnius, and in Minsk - everywhere people pronounce the same words when they hear the forecast for next week.
Ahead is not an easy task. How to spend two days off so that you can both relax and survive?
It will be clear soon.
(to be continued)
Freezing Moscow. Fourth day (night-morning-evening).

Five days. Day off at the zoo

I decided to go to the zoo. During the cold season they made free admission. In my opinion, animals would prefer a free exit for themselves.
What I always liked in the Moscow zoo was the ease of viewing in aviaries. Aviaries are seen perfectly. But the animal can not be found.
I also understand if I can not see the lynx. But when I can’t find the elephant, I’m a little lost. They say that for many years zoo employees have been hiding a hippopotamus somewhere.
All animals changed their summer clothes for winter coats. One monkey managed to steal from the visitor also a winter hat.
Flamingos used to stand with one leg pressed up. Now they are standing, having tightened both.
I knew it! Winter polar bears do not care! Calmly and motionlessly lie in the snow. But why is it written on the plate that they are koalas?
Many birds flew south. An example of ostriches was contagious.
Having seen how much a ticket costs to a warm pavilion of exotic animals, I begin to understand why the entrance was made free.
Frame of the day: a chameleon who wanted to catch a fly sitting on an iron frame of frozen glass.
Parrots crowded in the corner of the cage and seemed to dig a dig. Probably also wanted to the south. They did not know that, on the other hand, a boa constricted their way. He wanted to parrots.
Visitors look at crocodiles. Crocodiles are looking at visitors. There is a strong feeling that reptiles are more interesting to watch, since we are at least moving.
Sparrows manage to live in each aviary. I saw a couple of sparrows even in the aquarium.
The route at the zoo is designed so that you must miss some animal. But you go by empty cells all the time!
Raccoons again rinsed something. Someone from the zoo workers clearly does not have a washing machine.
Children's Zoo is a great idea! Where else can the kids see who the gray wolf will eat?
Animals are not at all afraid of people. And camels, and deer, and horses - everyone wants people to come closer to them. The tiger especially dreams of it.
Did you notice that only animals fulfill the request - <DO NOT FEED>? People do not understand this inscription.
Electric stingrays swam gradually in the aquarium, which were sometimes carried away to recharge the batteries of zoo cars.
In the cold, an appetite wakes up. But in zoo cafes, he quickly falls asleep.
I am afraid to eat local shawarma. For too long I have not seen a hippopotamus.
But that’s all. A policeman got out of the den and returned to the post. Good omen. Probably the frost is gone.
Let's hope so.
(completion soon)
Freezing Moscow. Five days (Day off at the zoo).

Sixth day. Winter!

How beautiful the capital was today! How I missed the Moscow air! I would go straight to the central highway and breathe, breathe and breathe!
What a delight, to drive along the road, trying to make out something behind the smoke escaping from the rattling mechanism in front! What a blessing it is to enjoy the white snow before the dogs realize that it has become warmer outside! What a joy it is to be a pedestrian who is walking slowly and who will no longer be fined for speeding!
The happiest people are bespectacled people. We finally see where we are going. Until the first entrance to the store or metro, of course.
About the entrances. Moscow has the best entrances in the world! Marble. Expensive. Beauty. How nice, spreading arms and legs, move on this snowy stone, trying to get to something less expensive, but reliable.
Sellers no longer care whether you buy something at the store or don’t buy. For them, only one thing is important - do you close the door behind you.
Motorists are trying in every way to justify their name. They will freeze themselves, but they will warm the car! If they could, they would certainly take their iron friends to their homes for the night.
Severe frost turns into ordinary winter. Muscovites reached the street. The cultural life came to life. The viewer returned to the theaters. A bit later, the actors will definitely return there.
Nobody laughs at ice cream sellers anymore.
Couriers look longingly at the thermometer. The higher the degree, the further they will be sent.
Hot pizza delivery people are happy that they no longer have to make bonfires at the customer’s entrance. Pizza will be hot already.
Blue athletes and red athletes poured onto the tracks. Well, what specialist on a healthy lifestyle got the idea to run along Moscow roads?
Children appeared on the streets again. And I began to forget how they look: three scarves, three scarves, in the middle - the nose.
That's who the joy was. Well, why do children cancel their classes, but parents who need to attach these children somewhere haven’t? It's like winning a lottery, but not knowing where the win is given.
Birds began to return from the south. A column of penguins has just proceeded to the Moscow River.
Giant icicles on the roofs are waiting for the thaw, so that, out of habit, they rush towards the Muscovites.
The first fishermen went on the ice. True, so far they only sit on indoor ice rinks.
In general, the city is returning to its normal crazy life.
And this is very good!
(tomorrow - conclusion)
Freezing Moscow. Sixth day (Winter!).