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My Blog: jokes jokes stories funny

Another bus
I went on Friday to the uncle to the country in the village. The visit was accompanied by a copious libation. On Sunday afternoon, it was decided to return home. Ivanich and I went to the bus stop, which was on the road, but across the field. Having already passed half of the field, we suddenly noticed that the bus, which was supposed to lead us, was leaving, but obviously without us. Next in two hours. Come back zapadlo. I say: - Ivanovich, do not be afraid. I know the places here. Let's go to the next village, 1.5 km, there buses run every half hour to the station. In short, let's go. Found a stop. We stand, we smoke, we wait. We smoke, wait, stand. probably about an hour standing. Suddenly some granny passes by and unobtrusively asks: - Guys, do you happen to be waiting for a bus here? - Yes Yes! Granny, himself, What time will he go? And then there is no schedule. - Actually, guys, the bus has not been here for two years ... Ivanovich was very happy ...
Patient visit
Two friends (one of them is my wife, the second is also very well aware) decided to visit a sick friend. All three Natasha, so we will simply call them Two Girlfriends and Sick. The patient is really sick, she has a cold, the temperature is 38. After some time I became bored alone and I asked for a visit. Oil painting: two Girlfriends are sitting at the table and vyingly expressing their sympathy. The patient is torn between the stove, the table and the fridge, serving the Girlfriends. In addition, he still has time to respond to sympathy in his address. My coming only added her work. As a result, after two hours and 2 liters of wine, the patient became much better. Dancing and singing karaoke is all healthy.
Anecdote about the Chukchi
I work as a manager and on duty I communicate with clients. Came customers - Yakuts. That is, according to the passport - like Ivan Ivanovich Gorokhov, and on the faces - the molded Mongoloids from the history textbook. People are far from frail. build type new Russian. Gold nuts on the fingers. gymnasts with brunettes are truncated like people. And so they sit back to the office door. and they talk to me. And in many so to speak. collectives have personality. that everyone has heard about who tell stories. And such a person we will call him Alexey - appears on the threshold of my office. and bryakaet beer bottles. Seeing the guests, and me, not seeing their faces - they are back to him - suddenly yelling: - Max! A new anecdote about the Chukchi did not hear !!! The faces of my guests turn to him - and he sees horror as two Chukchi snouts - New Russian Yakuts. and their interest in listening to a joke. So here is Alexey. the jaw slowly falls and the hair on the head rises. I only defused the situation. Said: - Alexey, consider that already told a joke. Laughter was - about 30 minutes.
Curd mass with raisins
It was my little son about two years old and we lived in a hostel (1994). In addition to students, in the hostels, as you know, insects always live. And the little boy is a sociable boy and was well acquainted with both the first and the second. But with the products was familiar and not all (1994 - total deficit). He had a chance to try "Curd with raisin". The young zoologist looked at the plate and firmly stated: - Flies! We rushed to reassure: - What are you, little darling, these are not flies. Then, “Zainka”, filled with noble anger, with trembling lips, asked: - Ta-ra-kaaa-ny ?! - No, what are you? This is raisins! - we hurried to explain, in order to avoid the continuation of zoological interpretations. - Ugh! Raisins! - disdainfully said "Little Bunny," since he was not acquainted with such a beast. And met flatly refused, no matter how we persuaded. And when they tried to show by example how it tasted good, our rating dropped dramatically and we ended up being close to the aborigines of Australia and Africa, who eat live worms.
It was the case in the glorious city of Obninsk, Russia, in the year of 92. The Obninsk branch of MEPhI (MEPhI), which was successfully renamed to nowadays the well-known Obninsk Institute of Atomic Energy (IEA), was there since ancient times. So, it goes, it means that in IATE a semi-seminar / semi-collection on some kind of computer theme. I (the teacher) talk about the features and difficulties of creating a user interface in competent and good Russian. As examples, I cite all sorts of standard inscriptions on the TurboXXX buttons and say that here, they say, is not always just a good translation to find one that would fit on the button, and would definitely be understood by the Russian user, far from the world of bytes and files. The group I was then was smart, active, plus the girls were there - just at least send it to the top models right away. And one such beauty from the front desk, wanting to contribute to the lecture and be active, in my opinion, by God I swear, the innocently rhetorical question - Would it be right to translate literally Change how to Change? gives a reply - Yes, indeed, it is not clear with whom .... The entire male part of the group slipped under the tables, and then always tried to check the interface on the girls (besides using them for their intended purpose) ...
Anxious intellectual
There was a time when I worked in one academic institute of the Academy of Sciences. And then one morning the head of the laboratory comes in - an intellectual in the third generation, utterly refined, and at the same time she is under sixty. And it feels that she is very excited. And he said to me: - You imagine, I was just SO PLACED INTO THE ASSISTANCE !!! It turned out that someone had driven into her “Zhiguli”.
Marburg Beer
It was the case in the glorious city of Marburg, where I had the opportunity to study in 1995-96. Our main occupation was, of course, drinking beer at home and in local beer houses (“Kneipps”), which are 80 times more numerous in the 80,000 Marburg than in my native 1.5-million E-burg. One day, it fell to me and my comrade to go on an excursion to a local brewery. For the sake of such an occasion, I did not drink beer for two whole days, anticipating a mandatory tasting in such cases. Expectations were not deceived. On the appointed day, a small crowd of undergraduates (Germans) gathered near the brewery building, which we joined. After an hour-long hike through the brewery with the participation of its director, everyone was invited to a tasting. Everything is decorous with a snack. The director pushed a toast to the development of a small business and it started. Chinnyy German students in their eyes turned into ordinary litrobolistov. The director also pretty much nakushalis. We did not lag behind, but tried to keep ourselves within the limits. At this time, the Germans were already shouting loudly, they grabbed a few outstanding students for outstanding places and were ready to sing folk songs. After some time, the beer in the barrel of the tasting room ended. The people demanded the continuation of the banquet. With the director’s sanction, the people marched to the warehouse and dragged in a few more boxes ... The chaos lasted about five hours. I already began to feel some overflow and moved home. But the most fun happened to me in the morning. Waking up in the morning in a terrible state (after all, I hung over with beer - the worst), I thoughtlessly went to 9-00 for a couple (which can't be done again). The food, therefore, on the bus, makes me sick, the state of the body, like a heated bottle of champagne. At the mere thought of Marburg beer, of beer in general, and of any liquid, the stomach begins to vibrate reflexively. And at one point, the bus is overtaken by a car, in which you can write in arshin letters (of course, in German) ... yes yes ... MARBURG BEER. R. S. I very successfully managed to jump out of the bus and empty my stomach in a nearby park ...
New form of payment
We had a lady who sorely confused words. For example, one of her pearls is "twenty rides away." But her biggest masterpiece - while telling something, instead of “giving all the leave for it” blurted out - “giving all the periods”. The people were amazed at first. and then laughed for a long time and with taste, exchanging opinions - this is where this form of payment is now.
Morning kettle
My wife and I had a tradition: in the morning, as soon as the alarm clock rang, one of us got up, put it on the email. stove kettle with a whistle and again lay down. And when the water began to boil and there was a deafening whistle in the apartment, we finally woke up and started to get ready for work. So, according to the well-established algorithm, I entered on a beautiful sunny morning - I jumped up, put the kettle on, and flopped back. I fell asleep. I wake up from the fact that the whole apartment is in smoke - a woven straw stand stuck to the bottom of the kettle. Well, I hit her in the sink with my hand, cursed, put the kettle on another burner (it wasn’t part of my morning schedule to clean the crap), well, and went to bed. I fell asleep. I wake up from the fact that the whole apartment is in smoke. (My wife is sleeping) I run out to the kitchen, where it turns out that I turned on a completely different burner — the third on which was a cast-iron pan with the remnants of our dinner ... But this is all garbage. I took her with my naked hands ...
Night horse
We had a secretary at our company, so pretty, just shooting bashki. It is called commercial and says: “Tanya, Sasha and I are going to Moscow on Wednesday by a“ night horse, ”order us train tickets. Tanya leaves and returns in 5 minutes. With a worried face, she says to the director: - Tatiana Alexandrovna, there is no such train "night horse".
Kitten to whom?
From the dialogue in ICQ: - Kitten to whom? Qualitative. Almost not yuzany, just 2 months. Stocked. There is wool (funny black and white coloring), paws (4 pieces), mustaches (unreadable) and rushnik (built-in). The subject has the function of urinating into the toilet, lying on the TV with its tail hanging over the screen and irrepressible vivacity. The nutritional function is debugged simply a miracle: with pleasure it eats even bread and pasta. As well as a unique self-cleaning system. And I give all this happiness just like that, for good people it is not a pity! - Brandy? No glitches? Upgrade? Manibek Warranty? Does the mouse recognize?
Generic Syndrome
My older friends warned me that pregnancy and childbirth have a negative effect on the brain, I mean, you finally stop thinking about something. Recently, I had the opportunity to see this. In the maternity hospital, it means that we have adapted ourselves to drink tea with condensed milk so that the milk arrives. And you have to eat in the dining room like: while the child is sleeping, quickly eat up the soup, grab the second and tea or compote and rush to the ward: what if your miracle woke up? So, somehow I, feeling that my daughter would soon wake up, and I would not have time to finish my tea, grabbed a mug, ran into the ward, mixed quickly with condensed milk and was already sitting quietly. Here I look, in a circle something floats, sometimes disappearing in the condensation-like wilds. Strange, I think they put in the tea? Half an hour I caught this garbage. Fished out. Long considered, could not understand what it was, then found out that some kind of berry. Strange, I think, what kind of tea is this? Okay, I think, not poisoned. I started to drink: what is it, why is it so cold and nasty? Only in the middle of the mug did she realize that it was actually a compote!
Air strike
I once drove through the capital on a bus from Filet in 1905. Long rode. At some move I crossed the avenue. That avenue looked natural, like after a good aerial strike. And the sign was appropriate: "The work is being carried out by the Su-25."
Where is Sekan?
I was at the hydrological faculty of the deputy dean by the name of Sekan (or maybe Sikan is not the point). And one entrant needed to move into a hostel. Knowledgeable people advised her to turn to Sekan. She enters the dean's office and asks, they say, do not tell me where to find the sekan of the hydrological faculty. The most resourceful of those present suggested that in the sandwich.
There was once a friend of mine with his girlfriend at home. We sit in the kitchen, drink coffee, and the girl’s mother rested in the bedroom. And during a leisurely conversation, I mentioned that in Moscow there was some kind of infection and I have already had a painful condition for two days. To which the girl replies that, they say, like: - I also have some kind of infection in my apartment. A friend, not looking up from a cup of coffee (so sad): - Yes, he walks. Only now she is sleeping.
Chinese ass
Was in America in the 90s. the director of the CIA is Robert Gates. Being already retired, he wrote a most interesting book, an excerpt from which I bring to your attention. The story is real and confirmed. In the 60s, as is known, relations between the USSR and China began to deteriorate rapidly. Reciprocal insults and slander at the party level have become the norm. Well, if the members of the CPSU and the CCP treat each other as enemies, respectively, and at a lower level, following the installation from above, simple Russians and Chinese also did not honor each other. Now imagine. One of the sections of the Soviet-Chinese border. Almost every day, the Chinese border guards lined up, took off their pants and showed their asses to the USSR, watching the reaction of Russian frontiers with binoculars. One day, the Soviet soldiers got tired of this and a radical and ingenious decision was made. When the Chinese comrades once again lined up on the shore and bared their asses, the Soviet soldiers in response picked up factory posters from the ground depicting ... Mao Zedong. Seeing his leader through binoculars, the Chinese commander immediately gave the order to put on his pants. Most of our border guards on the other side of the border did not see bare ass. Unfortunately, the book does not describe whether anyone from the Chinese was shot for this outrage or not. The book also keeps silent about whether anyone from the Soviet command was awarded a medal for ingenuity.
Genital disease
Came to his girlfriend. And her bed is small, well, and settled on the floor (in the sense of just lying down and chatting) no intimacy ... Almost ...) In general, lying down, she put her head on my feet ... We rest. Then the girl's mother comes in, looks at this picture (not the first time she sees this) and gives out a pearl: - Lord !!! Yes, what is it you have for a sexual disease such !!! With laughter they died all ... nervous Lecture for the night
There were times when I returned home from work late and my husband, putting our five-year-old son, did not tell him fairy tales, like most parents, but gave small popular science lectures. My son liked it and when, contrary to custom, I had the honor of laying him down, he asked me: - Tell me about the laser, or about the molecules. Then he looked at me, thought, and continued: - Or at least about the bun.
Radio toy
Were somehow with her husband in a toy store. He saw one radio-controlled car and caught fire: I want, he says, to give a nephew for the holidays - let him say that the child will be happy. Well, bought. Time passes, about a nephew, not a word. Now he is sitting at the computer, working, the car remote is nearby - she is with him when I am in the kitchen, for a beer, he comes to me.
Spectator Watchman
Were the name of a good friend of mine. Of course we drank. And two of our friends, a husband and wife, left the holiday an hour or two earlier. The rest of the company, somewhere around one in the morning, remembered those who had left. And I decided to visit them. Walking feet an hour, no more. In the stalls along the way, an additional drink was bought naturally. So we went, sang songs. Already on the way to the house of friends, I stumble and my glasses fall. They fall into the semi-basement window, closed by a lattice. It seems that the object is visible, but not to get it (the lattice hinders). There were two of us guys - me and my friend. Next with the words of my wife. I tell a friend - guard the glasses. I remind you - my birthday, I drank a lot, sang songs. And my wife and I go up to a friend's apartment. We ring, the door opens, they let us in. We explain the situation: the glasses are behind bars, they seem to be pitiful, the frame of the money is worth it. And I already fell asleep in a chair in the hallway. My friend got into a problem and went to save points. He goes out on the street and only reaches for the glasses, then a friend who has WERE PROTECTED glasses comes to the arena. He with all the dope sculpts my friend in the forehead. There was a slight scuffle, because not everyone immediately understood where our people were and where the Germans were. A friend told the next morning the next - lying, sleeping, waking in the middle of the night, taking to the street and in the forehead area. Here, too, because the situation.
Concrete hole
There were times when our "smaller brothers" from Southeast Asia not only found themselves in the markets, but also worked hard on construction sites of the national economy. The case took place at an ordinary construction site. The foreman is subordinated to a brigade of several people of such nimble and clever fraternal Vietnamese. Having sent most of the team to engage in "intellectual work" on dragging weights, he left one (the most intelligent in his opinion) to perform a specific task - concreting a small hole in the floor on the first floor. Before that, various works were carried out in the basement and in order not to drag the generator into the basement, a hole with a diameter of about 20 centimeters was punched into the floor for the cable. The instructions were minimal, because the technology of the work is simple to disgrace. In short, a shovel there, a car with a solution here, a hole here! After 2 hours, the "brother" resorted and pleased to report to the foreman: - Commander, the solution is over! The foreman slowly ofigevayut, well, okay, two hours somewhere was hanging around, but where the hell was the car of the solution, the merchant? Went to check, and what he sees - the worker grabs the spade of the solution and slaps into the hole with all the fluff. Solution meeeeeeely with a solid slap falls into the lower room. Instead of supporting the bottom with one shovel and concreting a hole, this craftsman famously threw the solution car into the basement, apparently enjoying the process itself. For the rest of the day, the Vietnamese team took the solution back ...
I had a girlfriend. Rather, it is now there, but already far from me. So here. I don’t remember since when, but we started to call each other “Darling,” and so we stuck these nicknames to each other, which we no longer called by names: everyone is DEAR (even I signed my box with floppy disks) - customers were scared: they thought that my services were at a higher rate, but the story is not about that ...) Once, with DEAR, we were in a great hurry somewhere and caught the car. Stopped us all such mannered toned 99th. Behind the wheel - the face of Caucasian nationality. Smiling happily, the person said that he would take us anywhere and for free, if it was him along the way. It turned out - on the way. We sat down with the road as usual: I am in the front seat next to the driver, and DEAR - in the back. We got this dialogue with the road: - Honey, why do you always put me on the front seat? - Because you always look good ... - Honey, you're flattering me again ... Flattering you all day long ... The rest of the way the person of Caucasian nationality did not smile and did not say a word, but when we reached the site and got out of the car, having said the duty "Thank you", there was a cry: - Wait ... Do not be afraid (seeing our surprised faces) - I don’t need anything from you, just say: still, who among you is flattering ?!
Potatoes large, small potatoes
We were last summer at a training camp (students take part in a military department) in a military unit near Sablino. So, there was such a barn, where vegetables and canned food for soldiers are kept. There were four huge boxes for potatoes with the following inscriptions (from left to right): "large potatoes", "medium potatoes", "small potatoes" and "potatoes of the state farm" Ruchi ". PS: Sorry, maybe not funny, but true.
Thank you, Vaso!
I had a car in 92, my dear 2106, 1600, all affairs, a diplomat. I adored her straight forces were not. But sometimes it wedged over trifles. Somehow I leave the office at 8 o'clock in the evening. No one is on the street (case in St. Petersburg, Rzhevka, Kosygin Avenue). Get in the car - do not start. The battery is dead. I took off a pinjack with pockets, pushed it down (it was parked in my pocket), jumped into it - almost grabbed it. She was eatolkled back to the mountain, back down again, jumping — well, almost grabbed! Again it in the mountain (but slower), down, jump, almost! He took off his shirt, dragged her, blushing, back, on the little hill, pushed, jumped, no words how close it was. I stand, sweat pouring. Here behind me in a soft voice: - Brother, I have no strength to look, eat a tomato. I look around, I look - the man, from Azerbaijan or Dagestan, young, with a tomato. - Thanks, I say, you could help me? - No, just eat a tomato, I can not help, we argue with you for money! Ok, I think, damn the grebe's life, pushed again, jumping into it - fucking !!! Then I went berserk, back her, foot in the face, swearing at her, down into her, damn it! Back, the current prepared to push - behind the tramp: three guys and the same one with a tomato from a stall with wild faces: - Sadis, shout, sit, push, Vaso ran out of money !!! He sat down, started, left, thank you, Vaso!
Mister in glasses
I had a friend Lucy. She is a very sociable girl. And very brave. Because when I come home in the evening, I walk from the subway. Often she goes with someone in the company, so it was not so scary. And so, one day she walks home through the darkness of Izmailov, and next to her she looks like a decent gentleman, about thirty-five, with a briefcase, glasses. They go, talk about that, about this. Suddenly, the topics for conversation end. An alarming pause hangs, which stretches and stretches. Ten minutes. Finally, the fellow traveler suddenly asks, with such a sly, Leninist way: “Do you know what I have in my briefcase? .. Lucy was frightened. You never know what a person in a portfolio can have? I don’t even want to think about it. The gentleman in the glasses, without waiting for an answer, smiles mysteriously and says: - Boo-batting is different ...
Nuclear fission
We had a school teacher. She taught physics. She was already far from retirement, and she had heard it was not so good. But she was emotional, she always spoke with expression and was very fond of showing with her hands what she was talking about. Naturally, everyone often made fun of her, since she gave plenty of reasons. Once she explained to a class how they bombarded uranium nuclei with neutrons and how they split. Showing on the hands how the nucleus behaves, she says: - The nucleus is bombarded with neutrons. And now, under the influence of blows, it begins to stretch. And so it stretches, stretches, stretches, and ... Then, looking around the class, she pauses, as if searching for words to express her thought. At this moment, from somewhere in the back of the desk, you hear quite loudly: - X ## k! - Yes! - says the physicist, and with such relief that this is exactly the word she was looking for. Indeed, how else can the nucleus of uranium split? A class of twenty minutes lay with laughter at the desks.
Bill Gates. Microsoft Creation
I was yesterday at the book fair. Various stores and publishers sent their representatives there. The room is small, and the people are full. Books are not only on the desks of representatives, but also in boxes. And more or less dismantled on the topics: a box with cookbooks, a box with fiction, etc. ... I go up to the next box, see what kind of books are there. The first thing that catches your eye is "Bill Gates. The Creation of Microsoft." Well, I think, what kind of topic? Computers or biographies? I look at the next book - "Famous Psychopaths" ...
Khloptsi, you sho ?!
We were once with a friend Zhenya in the glorious city of Kiev along the student line in 1984. Among other sights, we visited the Bessarabian market. Zhenya - he is a southern man, with Odessa roots, decided to buy cheese, which at that time was not found in our northern Estonian territories ... They went to my aunt, asked how much it cost, asked about 500 grams, and took out money. Suddenly we see - the grandmother was somehow taken aback, straight in the face has changed: - Hloptsi, you sho ?! Now we wonder: - What is it? And here the aunt gives out: - ... And PO-O-O-TRADE-A-A-ATLA ??!
I tell from the very beginning. A friend of mine (served together in Mozdok), said that it would be nice to see each other. He wanted to surprise him. He's a big man there, repairs buses, built a two-story house in five years on credit, bought a car, but did not get married. By hook or by crook, having collected the documents for a visa for three weeks (I gave one and a half thousand for it, including various insurances), I began to read reviews of those who were already there. Lowly disappointing. Bread is expensive, meat is expensive, vodka - even more so. I scored a full bag of braised meat, a 1 l bottle of vodka (no more), a block of strong cigarettes and the last money (total 8200 rubles). I disassembled and smeared the gun, he h his parts and ammunition hid between the banks. He also took a cape, a pack of matches, hooks, fishing line and a backpack, so that it was comfortable to wear. I drove to Moscow. The same trash as five years ago. Neubrano, cops at every step, but it seems not stick. I drove to the embassy, ​​filed documents, told to wait until the day after tomorrow. I spent the night twice on the roof of the house closest to the embassy, ​​I had to cut the lock with a hacksaw. He ate stew and tried to keep quiet. Moscow after all. On Thursday came to the embassy. Wow, the visa was given (and the Fuhrer’s evil faces were at the interview, I thought they would not give it). Just got out, I was surrounded by various freaks selling bus tickets. It was necessary to save money, therefore, after two hours, dragging with them to the “offices”, I bought a ticket to Berlin and back. They wanted to tear off four thousand, to offices >> but that was what they got, paid three and a half, though they promised that they would drop me right on the border with Poland. Said without problems. Asked how to get to Berlin. Showed a cape, told about the stew. They were surprised. As if in Germany on the bus alone rich. Strange Departure in two hours! I bought another bottle of vodka to make it more fun to go to the border. Traffic jams in Moscow, Mozhaisk, then Minsk (there was no inspection), then Grodno. Stop at customs. They said that they would look first Belarusians, then the Poles. I went to the toilet (Belarusian territory). Entry 300r. Released. I went to the bushes. Then I learned that 300r Belarusian, ours is less than 5p. Freaks Announced another 160r some environmental fees from the nose. Refused to pay. Began the procedure of disembarking from the bus. Paid. At customs (in the joke!) Things do not inspect! Cutting could not disassemble, and collect a full bag of ammunition, covering the top with rags. Belarusians did not look at the bags at all, and the Poles asked to open and immediately close. I bought another vodka in the Duty-free (expensive, about 250 rubles) and immediately drank it, ate canned meat (the local snack is too expensive). I still remember badly, they woke up only in Poland. Fed soup and potatoes with meat. Yummy. At the German customs looked only a passport. Not landed, as promised, drove to Berlin. Went out there, near the station. Surprise. A saleswoman in a book store searched Lorup for a long time (my friend lives there) and said (written on a piece of paper) 400km. In German, I am neither boom-boom, like she is in Russian, so I could not explain how to get there. Presented the card. Gave her a jar of stew in return. She refused a pack of cigarettes. At the ticket kiosk after the one-hour debate (as a result, the Russian went there) they found out that the ticket costs more than seven thousand one way. Freaks He said that I will go on foot. He asked me to draw a route with a pen, they took a long time, but they did it. Potsdam Brunswick Hannover Bremen Lorup. Almost 6 days I overcame this route, along with a halt and meals. I tried to keep close to the road, especially not to appear in public. Having passed the first kilometer, I went deep into the woods. Collected bleed. I went further. I slept in a cloak at night; I did not make a fire (it was warm). The easiest way was to go from Brunswick to Hanover, where a fellow traveler threw me (I understood that it was useless to stand along the route with a raised hand, I just found out in Brunswick how to go further, and the man explained by signs that he was going there and drove). The greatest difficulty arose immediately after. After passing 10km from Hannover, my stew ended. There was nothing to eat him, but after another 10 km I stumbled across a lake in the town of SteinНude. A little searching, I found some pretty good worms and a solid stick. Rod was ready. There is a lot of fish in Germany and it's easy to catch it. Having built a small fire, I cooked a fish, ate, and prepared the rest for the future, and was about to extinguish the fire when a man in jeans and a backpack ran. He argued for a long time, sputtered. When he realized that I did not understand, he explained with signs that his name was Baur. I realized that the topic was stupid and did not introduce myself. Persuaded to show a passport, said that the fire can not be made. He pointed to the harvested fish, I almost cried. I didn't want to listen to him, I was going to leave. He did not let me. He took out a purse, showed 100 euros, and began to prove to me that I owed them to him. I pushed him away (I once fought with racketeers in my town, there is experience). Went around the lake. Having walked 500 meters, I heard a shot from behind me. Zaleg, dug in as best he could, took a sawn-off shotgun, charged. I watch two go, the one who shouted at me, the second younger person and looks like (son, probably). The people are not prepared, they run ten meters away from me, but they don’t see, they didn’t even reload the rifle, and the Lokhovsky rifle, the salt was charged for the march. Ran to the one who is older, knocked down a butt, took a gun. The young man fell asleep, fell to his knees. In Russian, neither boom boom. But they understood that I would shoot if they would jerk. The old cry began, the wallet threw me. Yes, I was not going to beat them, they themselves climbed on the rampage. He took the money with a gun (he threw the gun away). These queens to the tree with a line he tied, so as not to twitch. Running for 15 minutes, I reached Hagenburg, a small town. I bought new trousers (in the purse of Baur it turned out to be almost 200 euros), a jacket, went to the local barber shop, shaved and shaved bald. The rest of the money he gave the taxi driver, he took me to the city of Melle. It was not on the road, but still closer. Then Baura's money ran out, but I was not going to spend my money on a taxi. Well, after another day and a half I got to my friend. On the way, the fish ended, which I caught, but there are a lot of hares in the local forests, I shot them a little. For two weeks we went to water parks, smoked drugs in Holland (she’s close there, and the unguarded customs point), took off aunts and generally felt great. And then he took me back to Berlin in his Mitsubishi. It is not interesting to tell in detail, on the one hand, not to remember everything, on the other, they met me exactly as they should meet friends. Russians will understand me. General opinion: everything that is written about Germany is nonsense. Money for life there is not particularly needed, suckers are much more than ours, the streets are better cleaned, and some freaks drive by cars. It seems that if they put a limit of 5 km / h on their route, they will continue to do so. In general, it is very reminiscent of his native Kaluga, only more than that (although if our janitor pays such money, how much the Fuhrer pays his own, he will begin to clean the streets with the language of the street). There are no wooden houses only, and all the windows have plastic windows. And another friend said that the state presented him a fridge. We would like that. A sawn-off gifted him, he laughed like a child. Back rode the bus without incident. Fed in Poland again the same soup. In Belarus, he ate for his money. Back at the customs, the Belarusians shmoned well, although they would not have noticed the edge anyway. Brought back home and a half thousand. Mom cried for joy. Soon back to the factory. I will not go again. It's boring there, the right ones are all too much.