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Burnt lechus korneluka - sad and prativna ...
The well-known Russian Kampazitr (in a bad sense, this is the word) with easiest curls and feathery sirpantin in the tower, the laureate of the contest << phantasmagoric throat >> Ugar Karnelyug, because of his hijacker, missed his own, who got a lot of anal work, a lecturer, and a new way to get out. The endearing second, a hairy schmuck parked on Gatchinskaya street, closed the mashyna with a key fob and papizdil to friends in a chorus to sing a song of “cool” I’m a cool blessing >>. As the stocky poodle had two legs, he bought a two Meseta nozat, fucking drin. The dog carrier was equipped with a special protection system, a duck in the driver’s seat, a built-in cat-control unit, a squib device set in the anuz of the hijacker, ogyzhe for which dicky gypsy flag and a rear-seat orbital machine. Why the fucking shaggy ortista needed an orbus? Vazmozhno, consuming orbuzi in industrial quantities, Kampazitor (in a bad sense, this is the word), visited the anal muzo, and pressing urine on the mosquito, and gave him themes for creo. Perhaps Igaryosho put an orbus under Zheppu in order to ensure the possibility of a bespericor splicing on the road. The third assumption of the imprisonment was that the Pivetz used the orbus to insert himself into the urethra, then he danced around the stage with a pear-like dick and at the Korneliugh ezyk he sang a wolfish song of Pazhdadi Dazhidzhdi Ya'davl lyubofppa zadi >> (b / p pidarskaya pestnya). This is not the essence of the matter, meaning that the astrakhan bormol doesn’t bother most orb, which the hulegans cut off along with the Lexus. It’s interesting that the composer’s friends (in a bad sense, this is the word) stood on the balcony and watched the hijacker smile mischievously over the patient, bleeding snot and biting the atsmeha, which confirms the rumors about the total fucking of the musical baghems. The hit author himself << blows on the bolt >>, fucking - << hurts on the blowjob >>, fucking, - << ticket on the bolt >> commented on the food with three glories (not pizhzhu) "sad and prativna", after chevo two hands cleverly I caught a colony of skinny vshey in the wilds of the hairy cholka, and sadly snapped up a dozen or two insects caught, sadly made to write a new pizdatuyu song. Such is the life of Russian composers. Pizdat their watermelons. Pussy! Stsuki just.
GRAY DAYS OF POLICE.
Captain Larin scratched his ass. - Ok, write further. The corpse belongs to a young girl, in appearance 20-25 years. The corpse is completely naked, on the left breast there are bluish spots, similar to hematomas. On the right breast, just above and to the right of the nipple, a tattoo in the form of scissors. The legs of the corpse are widely spread apart, in the primary sex trait there is a foreign object - the male sexual organ. The sexual organ is cut off. It is in an uneregulated state. Captain Larin was silent. This was his 351st corpse over the years in the ranks of the police. Larin didn’t evoke any emotions from this dead young girl — perhaps just a lazy desire to touch her dick — to see if that “other thing” had been cut off, which now clearly stuck out of her dead girlfriend. - The corpse's eyes are wide open. The corpse went numb. Flags with Russian official symbols are clamped in both hands of the corpse - in the right hand is the national flag of the Russian Federation. In the left hand - the standard of the President of the Russian Federation. No blood traces were found on the corpse as well as near the corpse and in the entire gym. Larin scratched his ass again, took out a pack of "Java" and lit it. I did not want to work. I wanted to go home, on the way take a bottle of vodka, dumplings and a couple of videotapes with some action films - Predator 2, or Enemy of the State, for example. Larin was silent for a long time, not moving, staring at one point, not blinking. Larin's head was empty, he was not thinking about anything. Stuck. Dukalis got up from his haunches, for some reason he shook off his jacket and also lit up: - Larin, good to stick, fucking! Listen, let's quickly finish here, let's go to the guys to plump! Fuck, it's only 11 o'clock in the morning, and I already fucked! Nahuya in general, this fucking youngster lies here? Here, fuck, now crawl here, fuck, look for hairs from her pussy, take fingerprints all over her gymnasium shoot! What the fuck did she get into this ruined school? Well, what the fuck was she fucking at home? And what kind of fashion is this, in our duty to engage in such dolloping? Now look, fucking from whom she cut this dick, nahuya, she cut it off, nahuya stuck in her pussy, from which she died, parents-fuckers, friends-fucking damn! Now, fuck, half a year we will reveal this garbage! Amanita zaebet us, his zaebet Glaucus, Glavka zaebet ebanaya Matviyenka, Matvienka zaebet Nurgaliyev, Nurgaliyev zaebet Putin - WELL HAVING EVERYTHING IT NEED? Dura, fuck, why did you take these pissing flags in your hands? Do you understand, bitch, stupid, that this is now a political matter? Dukalis kicked the girl’s corpse with a dirty boot. The head of the corpse swayed to the left and immediately to the right. Dead eyes stared straight into Dukalis's eyes - - What did hatched out, prostitute? Wu, slut! Two witnesses - an old woman of a homeless kind, collecting bottles and finding a corpse, and some teenager of sixteen, caught at the exit from the meter with a Ukrainian passport, and therefore unable to get rid of the role of a witness, stood about two meters away from the corpse and were frightened silent. They were frightened by the corpse itself, as well as by the cynical grunts of Dukalis. Larin scratched his ass again and returned to the world. He walked over to Dukalis and whispered to him: "Let's go, a few words." They moved to the wall bars. - Listen, Dukalis, when this old cunt called the police, who picked up the phone? - I, who else! - Right? - Yes, sure, everyone went to congratulate Solovts on his birthday, I was the last one to leave the office. Well, this pussy and called. From the automaton - it stands out - Dukalis pointed to the street. Well, blasphemy, I didn’t tear off the men, I rang the bell on your mobile. And then you yourself know! What are you asking for? - Yes, so, simply, never mind Larin thought. And what if Okay, calmly So, huyarim khokhlenka on the head. We cut off his dick, we take him away, and then we throw out the dicky hoe into the canal. We cut the throat. We lay it on the woman. We get rape, and murder in self-defense Grandma we start up on the second floor and throw into the hole head down, how much she needs, hehe STOP, FUCK! Examination will check the dick and understand that the dick is not hohlyadsky. Will not go. If so: pull the dick out of the pussy of the girl, and throw it into the channel. We make the hozylenka fuck a girl and cut his throat and grandmother from the second floor FUCK! She has the same flags in her hands! Examination will show that she did not hold a knife, but something thin! Throw chtoli her both dick in her hands, and the flags - in the channel? Damn, do not drown, the ststsuka So Larin lit another cigarette The plan did not develop. “Okay, captain, okay. Think. Make a hoekeed woman fuck her grandmother, cut her throat, cut dick off him, insert presidential standard in the ass, second dick grandma in her pussy, come in, hand over bottles, get drunk ass fucking. ". Larin began to cry. Nothing came of it. "Ebom grandmother threesome, sew her devkin dick, a girl - from the second floor, cut the throat, poultry in the ass - flags, grandmother in the mouth, an empty bottle, crawled crested fish in her mouth, chopped off her head, fuck the girl, grandmother - in the canal, crested fish in anal aaaaaaaaaooooouuuuuuu, fuck When in three minutes experts and district authorities arrived with flashing lights and sirens, Larin sat on the floor, leaning his back against the wall and sobbing, his grandmother stroking his head and gently and soothingly pronounced something, Dukalis busily wrote down the protocol of the inspection of the scene, the little Khokhlenok was picking his nose with caution and, occasionally, looking around stealingly, eating his bogs.
Excess of tenderness is always fraught with snot. Where is experienced quality fucked? Do not fall asleep ... Sex minorities and masons are heap. Order of Court Mannerists. Pidarasy. Romantic dinner with candles and champagne. Whoever said that this is interesting ... I'll get drunk ... May there always be sunshine, I don't mind. Mom, too, let it be, dick her redistribute. With a vacuum fuck. Favorite eyes are filled with blood. Well, did not spend the night at home, well, it happens ... Go fuck yourself. Forty dollars underwear Neither fucking affect libido. Fuck ... I study the high art of origami. He wants love, but his hands are full of paper. Dick or boat? .. Dreadful oaths give yourself to quit smoking. And halfway did not pass, but fucked up overtakes. Elevator has broken ... I never could have fuck nigger. Black and smelly zaebalo now. I sell ruberoyd. In the depths of my memory I am looking for a bawdy joke. What can you say about Nabokov, the son of a goat? .. The cat is fetching with boyfriend's shoes. In vain I seek in myself feelings for the owner of these. The cat is right ... What the fuck are you smart of me? From the storehouses of intellect, does the round ass get you? .. My great-grandmother studied at Smolny, was a countess. It’s kind of fuck me, we have a democracy like ... I poke around in my nose ... Eight mornings. In the doorway dissolve guests. On all fours I wish them a good journey. The evening is over. He hid the makeup, cut the pantyhose to shreds. Type without it, I do not change it. Yes, even sew ... Yesterday showed the charms of sweaty palms. Today I imposed companions on my wife-in-law. Pervert ... Sad on the desert beaches. Onanists for every dune. Tease ... Hands favorite smell of Moscow sausage exude. Breakfast was prepared by myself and wants rewards for it. Ebus not breathing. How many mysterious creatures in the grass inhabit How amazing the taste of black soil Has naked Asks his beloved to tie themselves before fucking I admire like-mindedness, I will bind right now And I drop money to the club if the taxi driver did not take the money from the eBlissha and what more than a business card did you put an indecent cut in the cut? That zayebali call and breathe quickly Mysteriously jerking off an egoist unknown to me And intriguant Writes favorite words on the back, and I am unsure Whether they got drunk or even really Everywhere the word dick Happiness a girlfriend met a beautiful prince I fucked him sent two years ago for the stupid Little Town Lb leaning against the wall standing hands tired Behind the sniffling fuss sometimes swears Love came
SHEET CIRCULATION IN NATURE.
It was an ordinary Sunday morning. Lelik was returning home gray with fun and lightly knocked down by a car. He was extremely distressed. At the entrance he was met by the neighbor bulldog Gosh, for which he didn’t get hurt with a shoe he was searching for and quickly fell into a flight of stairs. Bulldog Gosh was extremely distressed. He flew silently down. Landing was soft enough, with the exception of Aunt Dusiu sprawled on cigarette butts and spilled milk. Out of gratitude, Gosh cruelly bitten the most obscene parts of Aunt Dusi's body and with a triumphant howl fled to the street. Aunt Dusya was extremely upset. She was washing a soiled dress. After some time, the remnants of stuck cigarette butts gave the matter a yellowish-brown shade. Mostly. When her husband, Uncle Petya, returned, she had a facial expression called “a flock of liberal penguins left without ice cream”. Then she told Uncle Pete everything she thought about his chronic alcoholism and sexual potency. For this, Uncle Petya told her everything he thinks about stains on the dress, scratches and bites on his body and the milk residues in his hair. For this, Aunt Dusya told him everything she thinks about her husband’s love for animals and other uncles. For this, Uncle Petya told her everything he thinks about Aunt Dusi’s mom, as well as about the flawless figure of Aunt Dusi herself. For this, Uncle Petya received a skillet for a powerful intellect. Uncle Peter was extremely distressed. He alternately applied a griddle and a white-yellow rag to the mighty intellect, which had previously been Aunt Dusi's dress. When the doorbell rang, he applied exactly the pan. Uncle Peter reluctantly opened the door with a kick. On the threshold stood a wandering seller of an ermolizer. He happily told Uncle Pete that he had the opportunity to purchase a unique product for just one hundred dollars - a set of hermolizers. Or for some two hundred dollars to acquire the unique right of unimpeded trade in an ermolizer with a free application - a set of ermolizers. Uncle Peter listened to him and, in turn, happily reported that, in fact, he loves ermolizers very much. And he also loves stray ermoliz sellers, including his own. And to love him personally, he is going right here and now. Then Uncle Petya went into action, strongly over-love the seller with a frying pan on the head and slammed the door. The ermolizer stroller was extremely distressed, wandered dejectedly down the stairs and thought that Uncle Petit’s love had to be reciprocated. At the exit, he met a bulldog Gosha. The seller was very happy and fed four illiquid sets of ermolizers to Gaucher. Gosh, in his turn, was very happy, noisily slurping and wagging the tail of the tail, devoured the treat, and then with a sounding barking drove the roving seller of the automatic trolley from the yard. Bulldog Gosh was extremely distressed. For by the evening the thermolizers had an effect, and he felt so young, healthy and beautiful that it was time for him to die. Now he is determined to lead a healthy lifestyle, not to drink, not to smoke, and to eat only stray sellers of ermolizers. Towards evening, the mighty dog's body digested the same ermolizers and the bulldog dumped all four sets under the yard door of the charming little Lyuska. Four in one. The courtyard Lyuska was extremely distressed. She was going to the birthday of her friend Rosa. Rosa's girlfriend was ugly and sloppy, and against her background, Lyuska was supposed to be the real queen of the holiday in her pink fitting dress with a cut-out on the very "most." If it had not slipped on the products of the processing of an ermolizer. The gorgeous dress absorbed about three and a half sets and was hopelessly flawed. While standing in her underwear, she soaked the remnants of luxury in the bathroom, Lelik showed up in an unlocked apartment with the words, "Lucy, there are no matches? Oh, why does it smell like that here?" Lyuska got ready, it was to dunk and Lelika, but then she changed her mind, married him and spoiled him for the rest of her life. Moral: Let's give each other compliments and stop throwing excrement at each other ...
SEX BY WATCH.
Sexologists have long noticed that satisfaction with sex at different times of day is very different. The same affection, depending on the time, a woman perceives differently. So look at your watch and think about what you can get from your partner at the moment and what you can offer her yourself. 6.00 8.00 She: Even if she is already awake, her body is not yet ready for sex. The level of melatonin in the blood (sleep hormone) gradually decreases, and the body temperature has not yet risen after sleep (at night the body temperature somewhat decreases). Although sometimes very nice to wake up while making love. The main thing is that the partner is not in a hurry, and allowed her to wake up under leisurely caresses. He: Most of these men are at the peak of sexual activity during these hours; now the level of testosterone in his blood reaches its maximum value. He needs to cheer up and gain strength before the new day. But he is not ready for long lasting caresses. Quick sex is what you can count on. 8.00 10.00 She: Finally woke up and ready for sex. Now in her blood the level of endorphins "hormones of joy" reaches its maximum value. In order to be excited, it does not take much time. He: Already tuned to the working mood. The level of testosterone in his blood decreased and returned to normal. Therefore, it is now quite difficult to stir up a loved one. 10.00 12.00 She: All the taste buds are exacerbated at this time. Right now she can get maximum pleasure from oral sex. By the way, a man is always ready for this kind of love games. He: In men, mental activity dominates. Therefore, instead of having sex, he will spend hours talking about it, but he is unlikely to be active. And any of your actions, he will begin to mentally analyze and build "deep" conclusions. 12.00 14.00 She: Her activity reaches its maximum value. But this does not apply to sexuality. In these hours, the woman is hard to relax and focus on sex. But at the same time, if she was going to engage in the sexual enlightenment of her beloved, he does not need to be shy and try everything in practice. He: Set up in a playful way. At this time, the level of "joy hormones" in a man reaches its maximum value. Therefore, he wants to h something unusual, even extreme, and will gladly accept any of your ideas. 14.00 16.00 She: At this time, her body is most prepared for conception. But she is not ready for long and long caresses. Quick, even a little hard sex is what she needs right now. Also, in these hours, her olfactory feelings become aggravated, and the most important thing for her is that a pleasant smell should emanate from the man. He: At about four o'clock in the afternoon, the male body reproduces the highest-quality sperm. Therefore, if you are thinking about procreation, this is the time. 16.00 18.00 She: At this time she has a decline in activity. Most women in these hours are not capable of active caress. Но она не прочь принимать эти ласки от партнера. Поэтому, если любимый рвется в бой, не стоит останавливать его. Он: Готов к бою, хотя и не способен на длительные ласки. Ему необходимо ч ерез секс сбросить усталость и отрицательную энергию. Поэтому все, на что ты можешь рассчитывать, это быстрый секс. 18.00 20.00 Она: Необходимо восполнить недостаток энергии, поэтому не стоит отказываться от ужина. В это время у нее максимально обострены слуховые ч увства. Она готова слушать длинные признания в любви и комплименты в свой адрес. Он: В это время мужчина не способен на сексуальные игры. Сейчас он может думать только об удовлетворении чувства голода и об отдыхе после ужина. Все свои силы его организм тратит на переваривание пищи. Хотя, если ты пригласишь его на легкий банкет в постели, то он вряд ли откажется. 20.00 22.00 Она: Самое время для продолжительных любовных игр. Она полна сил (если не отказывалась от ужина) и готова взять инициативу в свои руки. Самое время для экспериментов в постели. Он: Рвется в бой и готов выполнить любое твое желание. В это время ваши сексуальные часы полностью совпадают. 22.00 0.00 Она: Ближе к полуночи у нее в крови резко увеличивается уровень мелатонина. Организм постепенно засыпает, даже если она привыкла ложиться поздно. Поэтому сейчас ее сексуальная чувствительность снижается. Но в то же время обостряются романтические чувства, когда хочется просто держаться за руки, обниматься, целоваться и ничего больше. Он: Максимально расслаблен, но еще не спит. Поэтому сейчас готов к длинным и продолжительным ласкам. Для того чтобы хорошо заснуть, ему нужно выбросить остатки энергии. И сексуальные игры для этого подходят лучше всего. 0.00 6.00 Она: Ее организм нуждается в отдыхе. Но ведь можно заниматься любовью в полусне. Кстати, очень многие женщины, ранее не испытывающие оргазм, именно в полусонном состоянии достигают пика сексуального наслаждения. Это связано с тем, что во сне они способны полностью расслабляться. Самое главное, ч тобы партнер не спал. Он: Крепко спит, и разбудить его очень сложно.
За что мы любим мужиков?...
За лаконичность фраз горячих:
"О, боги, кто послал мне эту дуру?"
За конструктивность разговора:
"Я прав, ведь я мужик, на этом точка".
За праведность увещеваний тонких:
"Ты в этой шубе как корова, не надо нам животных в доме".
За утренний пролитый на подушку кофе:
"Но, милая, я ведь принес его, в натуре!"
За громкие раскаты мата:
"Твою-то мать, ну что ты делаешь в воротах!"
За редкие мгновенья в ресторане:
"В тени свечей ты выглядишь чудесно, я выверну все лампочки в квартире!"
За нежные прикосновенья в ванной:
"Я, драгоценная, побрился, иди скорее, пока я голый".
За долгожданные звонки по телефону:
"Ну я попью пивка с друзьями, а ты пока позырь порнушку".
За неожиданность букетов:
"Любимая - 8 марта, а у меня не стираны носочки!"
За жизнелюбие мирское:
"Вот, сука, просит подаянье, ща тресну по башке роялем!"
За оптимизм, сияющий лучами:
"Давай же жрать быстрей, ведь скоро все подохнем!"
За счастье секса после года жизни:
"Сегодня спим! Ты сверху! Мне лениво повернуться!"
За помощь в механических проблемах:
"Тразистор разбирается по схеме. А схему помнит дядя Леша".
За силу, что в нас мужество вселяет:
"Ты лучше помолчи, вонючка, а то лишу дурацких выступов на теле!"
За радость над полученным подарком:
"Купила б лучше руль спортивный, мне твой парфюм по барабану!"
Мы любим Вас, ведь мы же бабы, а бабы, как известно, дуры
Физиологический тест для мужчин
1. Дефлорация - это:
а) разновидность дегельминтизации;
г) море свежести всего в двух калориях;
д) война малой кровью на чужой территории.
2. Восстановление девственной плевы хирургами - это:
а) лишний повод дефлорировать девушку;
б) лишний повод дефлорировать хирурга;
в) восьмое чудо света;
г) сизифов труд;
д) моральная травма для оперируемого мужчины.
3. Пуленепробиваемая девственная плева - это:
а) суровая реальность;
б) случай из рассказа Лема "Плевое дело";
в) на каждый замок ключик найдется!
г) пожарный вход;
д) запасный выход.
4. "Пояс верности" - это:
а) упрощенный вариант цепей Гименея;
б) народное название импликатора Кузнецова;
в) карта регионов, проголосовавших "за";
г) вериги, надеваемые Маме Римской;
д) партбилет коммуниста.
5. Секс - это:
а) не роскошь, а удар по бездорожью и разгильдяйству;
б) ответ на вопрос "Что делать?";
в) предмет ленинской работы "Шаг - в перед, Два - на зад";
г) гол и голь на выдумки хитры;
д) 9,5 недель, которые потрясли мир.
7. Презерватив для летчиков должен быть:
а) с крылышками и пропеллером;
б) с турбонаддувом;
в) на двоих со штурманом;
г) с системой катапультирования в случае разгерметизации;
д) должен быть.
8. Девственник ли ты?
г) воздержался, уже в который раз;
д) не помню, спросите у жены.
За каждый ответ "а" засчитывается от 1 до 5 баллов, "б" - от 5 до 1, "в" - 1, 2, 3, 4 или 5, "г" - 1 или 2, 3 или 4, а может быть 5, "д" - или 1, или 2, или 3, или 4, или 5. Если число баллов у вас меньше 8, значит вы девственник, больше 40 - сексуальный маньяк, а от 8 до 40 - сложный случай и для уточнения диагноза без кесарева сечения не обойтись.