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A quiet summer night passed over the equator, as the moon said, moving to the western edge of the celestial sphere. The night silence was broken by the ticking of the clock and the distant noise of the car. The light of the moon was illuminated by the darkness of the room, casting some fancy shadows onto the almost bare walls and pulling part of the room out of the darkness. Suddenly, the clock struck three, in the dark corner of the room something stirred, there was a rather loud rustle, which caused the person who was sleeping peacefully in the room on the bed to wake up and walked around the room with sleepy insane eyes. A rustle in the darkness repeated and the man tensely stared into the darkness. - Who is there? said the man. - I! uttered a voice. - Who the fuck am I? - in the voice of a man an alarming note was heard. - I! - Said a voice and out of darkness, in the light of the moon stepped creature. - Ept! - all that man could say. - Well, yes, hell! So what? - issued horned, svorylaya creature. - Huyase! - the person said and thought to himself, "stop drinking". - No, I'm not a manifestation of protein. gave a damn thing - Uh, uh, fuck! - squeezed out of himself lying, clasping his head, terribly sick with a hangover. - You waited for me! - Who, me, yes you fuck ?! - Well, yes, you yourself yesterday chum complained to the homies that life was shit, nothing in his life worked out and he was ready for anything, so that it would be better, even to sell the soul line. “And here I am,” the devil said, depicting a compliant expression on his face. Vasily hardly recalled yesterday evening, but the devil was right, he said this, moreover, the words absolutely coincided with reality. After a moment's thought, he asked: - Well, what are the conditions? - Everything is very simple, we sign a contract, your wishes are fulfilled, and after death - you are our soul, so how? "Hm, soul" thought Vasily, soul-soul - was worn in his head, in exchange for desires, so what do I want? A whirlwind of thoughts ran through Vasiliy’s head, but somehow he didn’t immediately have a certain nickname and it dawned on him, to be sure! In a dream, Vasya often saw himself rich and famous in the environment of slender beauties, oh yes, damn it, to hell with her soul, he never saw her. - I agree! - said Vasya. - So, your wishes? - said the devil. - I want all my dreams come true! - Oops! - a bright flame flashed, and the hell in the hands turned out to be a piece of paper. The devil handed it to Vasily, who in the moonlight and with a hangover could barely read the contract - everything seemed to be right. - Come on pen. - said Vasya. - No, not a pen, blood! - answered the devil and gave Vasya a sharp little peak. Vasya pricked his finger and put his squiggle. - On! - Vasya said and handed the paper to the devil. - Well that's all! Flames flared up and the horny giggle disappeared. Exactly, "squirrel", thought Vasya and fell face down in the pillow - in five minutes he snored. A quiet summer night passed over the equator, as the moon said, moving to the western edge of the celestial sphere. The night silence was broken by the ticking of the clock and the distant car noise. The light of the moon was illuminated by the darkness of the room, casting some fancy shadows onto the almost bare walls and pulling part of the room out of the darkness. Suddenly, the clock struck four, in the dark corner of the room something stirred, there was a rather loud rustle causing the man, who was sleeping peacefully in the room on the bed, woke up and led around the room with sleepy insane eyes. The rustling in the darkness repeated, and the man stared hard at the darkness. "What a?" - flashed in the head Vasya. - Its me again! A voice rang out and the same horny one came out. On the face of the devil, traces of fresh beatings were guessed, one horn was broken, besides some lumps of brown color were attached to his wool, and he smelled a smell similar to the station's public space. - What else? - asked Vasya. - Vasily Petrovich, could we reconsider the contract, say gold, women, fame or completely break it, otherwise my superiors are dissatisfied - the devil somehow sadly said. - Fuck you, Vasya said - the contract is a contract. And, utterly exhausted from a headache, fell his face into the pillow. Vasya dreamed a strange, very realistic dream that very much amused him, he dreamed a real hell, he saw Lucifer standing in front of him, standing in cancer, and on a straight wide highway all sorts of devils, incubus and succubus, demons and archdemones in orderly rows to the sounds of the holiday march went to his ass.
A colleague just now told: My daughter didn’t bring a little to a heart attack. She is 15 years old, fits somehow and asks: - Pa, and how to make an interruption? - Why do you need it? - Well, I have a delay there ... I asked, they say they need an interruption ... - !!? !! - What did I say? On the computer, the toy slows down, I say, some kind of interruption is necessary ...
My eldest daughter, a wet-air assistant, brought another bike: ... Some kind of action is being held, such as spring vaccination of pets. To attract more customers, we decided to send a couple of people - flyers at the bus stop to distribute. And, for showiness, dress them up in cat and dog costumes: children and housewives respond well to this. One of the workers proposed for this role his almost adult daughter, 12 years old. And - dress this girl in a dog costume. Big mask, and overalls with a tail. Actually a joke: The girl pushes the overalls backwards (that is, with the tail forward.) The staff unanimously rushes to help correct the mistake, they say - not so put on! She puzzles eyes, and, at last, guesses: - And, so it is - a tail! Staff - shizet. Mom responds first: - Yes. And you - _ WHAT_ thought ?! - And ... This is ... Yes, well, you know - _WHT_ I thought ... Daughter of the vet, however ... RS: A pity that she was not allowed to go outside in this alternative form ...
Young girls for you
We're going to Seliger. Along the trail around the scottofarm there are a handful of locals Above the heaps of tablets: <Worms>, <Worms>, <Worms>: Already on the way out of the village, two daughterly tanned, lightly dressed virgins are lying on the side of the village. Above them is a hefty poster "YOUNG GIRLS FOR YOU !!!" We drive closer, read the second line in small print: "dug up great worms. 50 rub. Bunch."
Cigarette Funeral - old army tradition. At the training camp in 1975, the officers long threatened to arrange this event, and finally someone got caught ... A major made him dig a two-by-two-by-two hole. The platoon commander attempted to alleviate the fate of the unfortunate and asked the major that the guilty one should dig only two one-on-one pits. The major thought and said: “No, after all, two pits are many.” Let him dig one - enough from him! And here is how the Russian army keeps this tradition. Son serves in the Moscow region. Late at night, they were raised to watch the funeral ceremony of a cigarette butt by the neighboring air defense unit. It turns out that in the evening, the commander found a part in the location ... A THROWN DUCK !!! The regiment raised the alarm! For a cigarette butt they made a coffin full-scale. In front of the column was a car with an orchestra playing a funeral march. Behind her, carrying the coffin. And then ... The regiment ran in full combat display - SEVERAL KILOMETERS !!! According to the senior servicemen, for about six months after this procedure, there was not a single cigarette butt on the territory of the unit. Then comes the new call ...
Steamed two guys in the bath at the site of a private house in the village. After the steam room popped up to lie in the snow, but I must say, the frost was still that. In short, one of the guys with all the dope ass siganul snowdrift, and there, slightly powdered, lies the remainder of the tractor springs. Who as a child tried to lick iron in the cold, he realizes that the boy has stuck thorough. Well at least a piece of iron (by the way, not less than 20 kg) was not frozen into the ground. They finished it together with the ass back to the bathhouse, one of them was desperately neighing, and the second did not know what to do - either to cry or to laugh. Already in the steam room, they warmed this piece of iron and with difficulty pulled it off their asses, and having pulled out a good piece of skin from the brat. Until now, his ass is decorated with a solid scar, reminiscent of an annoying "mistake."
Yesterday they sent me to the pharmacy for any nasty good (because everyone in the office sneezes and coughs without exception). Bought and ask for a commodity check for expensive accounting. Behind me, the boy was ... simpatishny such ... well, and says give me pliz condoms, different and more ... The pharmacist begins to choose and offer him. He: - No, let's not give such, they are not suitable for everyone ... and such identities are not necessary ... but give this one. Pharmacist: - Young man, why are you so many different? He: - So after all the new year, corporate party with us. Pharmacist (slightly in touch): - Well, take a good walk. The boy scoops up everything, then looks at my sales receipt and says: - Yes, write me out too, otherwise you have to give the bookkeeper. What, however, is an organized structure, and the staff does not forget about the employees and worries about the affairs.
I'll show you how to splash!
Prelude: Turks in the Antalya region staged rafting on a mountain stream. The air temperature is 40, the water is 15. In order not to pump out the rattling tourists, the Turks invented fun - Russian and German rafts shouting "Stalingrad" and "Hyundai Hoch" become sides to each other and the crews splash the opposite side into the face with oars . The "captain" of the victorious raft is sitting on the stern akimbo, and the rescued from heatstroke tourists cheerfully rake up. The Turk told me, the captain of the rafting raft: “Once, the Germans crept up to my raft, on which there were Russians, and they strongly attacked all of them, including one overdressed fife. She immediately came to me: come on, come on, we will catch up !!! He, like, winked conspiratorially and led the raft to the Germans who had descended below, in anticipation of a new duel “on water pistols”. What was his surprise when the fifa with a cry: - I'll show you, you bastard, how to splash in me! - Elderly Fritz hit the head with a paddle.
If a traffic cop slows down
Yesterday was. For a start - a joke: "If the GAI officer slows down - explain to him again" The GUY on the highway slows me down. So and so - where are we in a hurry? It shows my speed - 114, and I remember something, that for this 200r, I suggest to him - let's say for half (i.e., for 100) we run away, and he to me - 100r for such speed - this is a normal fine. O`k say, then let's for 50. For 50 he agrees. But I still can not understand - whether he braked, or there is a matter of principle ....
I worked as a sysadmin in a large office. It was located in the Business Center on four floors. Naturally, I sat on the ground, in a closet. And on the fourth were the Great Chiefs, who never came down to us mortals. And so, one evening, at the end of the working day, I am waiting for these totals of the day to be recorded on the disc. Here the door opens, the Big Head enters. And he says: - Kolya is who? - I. - Listen, there is a deal (puts a hand on his shoulder). In my car, there, the women have already got. Throw them nafig. I know you can find one. In short, find me some thread of edyeny men. I know you can. - In fact, I'm in this business, it seems like not really ... - Come on, play the fool, everyone says that you know! .. I fucking right now need to shuffle all night, so as not to fall asleep. In half an hour, I leave - do it so that the pearl goes all night! .. (The window and the grill on the window, it blocked the whole door - did not break through) ... - And what should I do? - Well, like Ramstein that thread me zababahay there. (Gives flash drive from MP 3 car radio) ...
Dialogues about zhYvotnyh.
- Who the fuck did you send? !! You goats, fuck! I'm thee, fuck, schA uroyu here, fucking condom !!! Bitch, tear a point !!! Pidoryuga !!! Well, all fucking fucking asshole: dick ready! (Opanki! The party goes into the endgame: there is not enough breast for it, but okay, let's talk. Help, Saint Sigmund!). - You know, dear, I, it seems, really sent you uh fuck. Do not reckon for rudeness. Believe me, without ill intent. This happens to me. Purely sporadic - what did you say ?! What the fuck are you driving a freak? In fucking wanted? (So, progress is evident. Headband, so to speak. Already better than immediately “I will kill you”. << I will beat you in fragments, eager to seize the impulse, blowing up the moats >>. >> Mandelstam, fuck!). - If to be frank to the end, then I would not want to be a fucker, as you say it. Can I ask you one question? - What the fuck question yet fag purulent? You bitch, know who I am? You, bitch, you know who the pussy pike, chmarota? (Well, here's the clever one: half a tone lower, and it’s no longer the case with such little hands.). - To my shame, I do not have the honor to know you. But, maybe, heard: apparently, you are a famous person. Do you have any difficulty in introducing yourself? - Scha I fuck, I will introduce hello, ass, I'm a soldering iron. Che, fuck, do you introduce yourself? Are you a cop, or what? Yes, I fucking cops twirled spits! - God with you! Fortunately, I do not work in law enforcement. Although my occupation is not so far from the department of Themis. If you're interested, my profession is an underwriter. - Huyayter, fucking! You, along the way, pal, on the whole head ebnuty. What the fuck are you in my ears? (Yes, you can’t miss it with such ears from three meters. But the scheme works! Already << chum >> Well, still). - And, nevertheless, I would like to know with whom I have the pleasure to talk. - Shcha, nah, with every pidorny talk Well, this is Nikolai. - Nikolai? Beautiful name. By the way, do you know that translated from ancient Greek your name means “the winner of nations”? And how are you, forgive me for the report? - Hooley there patronymic Nicholas is simple. (Here is a communicative bridge. A thin one is so shaky, but a bridge). - Very nice, Nikolai. My name is Anatoly Sergeevich. You can simply: Anatoly. And yet, can I ask you something? - Well, in, fuck, curious Che do you want? - Just do not rush to answer, try to answer sincerely. Do you really need these hundred rubles? - Yes, I fucked your stolnik stinky with you! Why am I eating the last dick without salt? Shove yourself in the ass. (Truly, Nizami: who found a friend found wealth). - Then, apparently, it was just a surge of emotions? Unreasonable aggression? - Huescia! Che, I do not understand, bro, you are this psychologist, or what? What did you get? (Here we are again “bros”. Respect, Dr. Freud! By the way, did I “see” it? ”) Unfortunately, I am not a psychologist. Although my work implies some knowledge of behavioral patterns. For example, your behavior speaks of loneliness, of unrealized burden of communication. - Well, fuck, blinked: loneliness, farmland. Hey, aren't you a fagot? (Genital thinking. Classic!). - Well, that you, Nikolay! I'm just a heterosexual, what millions. However, we are not talking now about sexual predilections, but about ordinary human communication. One hundred rubles in our case is just an excuse. In other circumstances, I would gladly lend you this amount. Although I don’t have much money. - Oh, fuck! I see that it's not Khodorkovsky. Okay, how are you there Tolyan Sergeyevich? I see you are a niche man, normal. You know Doha, you pizdish somehow not like everyone else. Consider, in the course of the rams was not overwritten. Let's go to << Ryabinka >>: roll on three hundred, popizdim. And then, in kind, fucking, no one to talk to. Lave is, not ssy. How are you, bruising? - Honestly, sometimes I use it. - Well, zaebtsom. Come on, I'm pouring. Hey, what did you say, who are you plowing? Word some Guest worker, or what? So, it seems, not Tajik - Underwriter. From English: << Ander Wright >> - << Sign >>. If you just say: a specialist insurance company authorized to take risks. - Oh, shit! Insure me? You know a joke: << Hey, insure! From insure hear! >>. Hooray! Well, moved And fuck here hell out of here do not scatter: do you know how many gopniks go fucking? Lucky you that hit me
We live on the 9th floor. The house has an old elevator, whose doors need to be manually opened and closed. Every time I have to produce a lot of various manipulations: a) I press the call button. b) the elevator does not go - I chapay on foot ... c) the elevator arrived: I rest my hands on the ledges on the doors, push them in opposite directions - the door did not open - I walk - I opened - I go in the elevator; d) the door sharply clicks behind my back, trying to grab a piece of my beloved. d) I press the button - it does not work. f) repeat the manipulations with the door, but from the inside. g) I press the button - let's go. If in the hands of (God forbid) bags - the situation is even more complicated - I will not even describe the Floor (recall) ninth. It was all a year ago, and, every day, the situation became more and more aggravated. He refused to work at the beginning on the 4th floor, then on the 7th, and finally completely stalled, in short, for almost a year we walked. But that is not all. People have achieved that the house must install an elevator. And here on the door to the entrance hangs an announcement indicating that installation of the above unit will begin in July, with connection in August. Everyone is happy. Exactly one day later, at the same door, all the long-suffering local residents presented one more thing: “There is a debt for paying utility payments in your house in the amount of NNN. In case the debt is not repaid - the ELEVATOR WILL BE DISABLED !!! I am still shocked
Daughter wants to go home
A friend lived in America for 8 years. He himself is a talented programmer with the rarest specialization, and with all the local Internet hysteria unnoticed, he became a simple American millionaire. But the raspberry ended, the company, like many in the Valley, covered it with a copper basin, and nobody hurries to work with such a salary, not those times. Well, and my friend was just overjoyed: he seemed to have money, he had already received citizenship, was recently divorced. I bought myself an apartment on Kamennoostrovsky, took my nine-year-old daughter and waved to Peter: "until better times, and maybe for good." And my daughter, I must say, although she was born in Russia, she spent her entire adult life in California. And now, I call a friend in Peter. A friend is happy as a cat in a sour cream shop. Friends, friends, hometown, everything. - And as a daughter, - I ask. - Yes, here, crying, home, says I want. - So you tell her that this is her house. “I said foolishly, now crying even louder.”
We bought a dog - a giant schnauzer. The puppy is already five months old and it would be time to trim the ears (well, it was supposed to trim the ears, according to the old standards, so that charming standing little ears were obtained). Of the living creatures, besides the Giant Schnauzer, at that time we had a black cat - the most magnificent mouse and rat catcher. In general - a predator. So, the vet agreed to perform a "circumcision" in our home. The alignment is this: in the room - a desk, on the table is already a rather big dog under anesthesia. Also on the table is a small glass plate (for trimming). The veterinarian took out the box with the tools, took out a piece, clamped the dog’s ear with it, tried on it and cut off half of the ear. He put a piece of it on a plate and began stitching it. And the cat, seizing the moment, almost instantly appeared on the table and grabbed a piece. The words of the vet: "Where? Pattern give!" Instant predator jump to the side, up the curtain, from there to the closet ... I barely managed to catch the predator and take away the ear, which, fortunately, was not very chewed. Following this pattern, the veterinarian quickly and symmetrically cut off the second ear. In general, after the operation, we gave the cat these pieces and he ate them almost instantly. And the dog's ears turned out great.
Are you trying to incline me to oral sex? Girl: Are you trying to incline me to oral sex? Dude: No, I'm trying to persuade you to your dick so that you take it in your mouth. Girl: and what should I do with him there? Dude: well, don't play cards. It's clear to suck! Girl: let me go immediately! Dude: do what I need first. Girl: You need a doctor. Dude: the nurse will get away too. Girl: Don't you think it's disgusting? Dude: Yes, I think it's extremely disgusting. But my dick fuck. Girl: but why me? Dude: because you are a girl. Girl: so what? Does this mean that it is necessary to rape me like this? Dude: firstly, no one is raping you, I’m as much as 50 cm above. And secondly, it all means that I don’t have time to mow under the idiot-romance asking what your name is, then gently suggest meet you somehow, then half a year drive you to the most expensive restaurants, theaters and cinemas, give you the most exquisite gifts for all the holidays, not excluding "the day of the worker of the underwater special purpose troops", talk about your deep soul and millions of similarities with yours, then meet your parents and produce on n their impression of a respectable and intelligent person, and then when your parents leave for a business trip, you invite me to your place to suck. So why waste time, which we have so little? Let's get down to business right away! Girl: all clear, hard case. Dude: just 179 grams. And no problem! Girl: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you. Are you really not interested in learning about me first? You could at least ask my name. Dude: pronounce it when you swallow. And then I'll try to guess. If you win, you suck again, and if I lose, you can go. Girl: Listen, why do you want to do it like that? Dude: Well, if you are not so comfortable, I can lie down. Girl: no, I mean, why exactly in the mouth? I after all, as you mentioned, girl. So why not take full advantage of this circumstance? Dude: because I like it the most. Girl: so maybe a guy, and a dog, and the most fucking vacuum cleaner. You insult my dignity, which is capable of more, but soon overgrown with moss, because of the universal hobby olera. Dude: Listen, I can't be in a state of blood outflow for so long. My head is already spinning. Suck, finally! Girl: aren't you gay by the hour? Dude: I do not know, I did not check. I after all love girls or not the devil! I'm gay! Girl: can I go? Dude: no! You just caused me a moral injury and as compensation you have to suck me off! Girl: yes, I fuck him for you right now to chew him off, fucking cefycephalus! Enters the second dude. Everybody screams. 2nd Dude: hey, take your hands off her immediately! Girl: do not come, otherwise I will suck him! 2nd Dude: No, don't do that! You can't do this to me! Girl: as I can. You used me, all this time you cheated on me with everyone and now I must take revenge. 2nd Dude: that's not true! I did not change you! Girl: I do not believe you. I can no longer look you in the eyes until I do what I am going to do. 2nd Dude: this is it, right? Did he seduce you? Girl: do not transfer arrows to him. He is generally gay. 2nd Dude: is he gay? Girl: Yes! 2nd Dude: listen, I don't want you to do this! Let me do it. I will atone for my guilt. Girl: what the fuck are you talking about? 2nd Dude: y'know, I'm not just saying that I didn't cheat on you. I am gay, and always was. Therefore, I am pure as a baby. So let me finish the job you started. The girl stands in amazement, and the second dude sits in her place. 2nd Dude: come on, get your friend out. Dude: I can't. 2nd Dude: what can I not? Dude: I seem to be cumming. 2nd Dude: Do I look so fucking tonight? Dude: No, I'm in a fright. 2nd Dude: it means the opposite is true. Yes, I didn’t like my tie since the morning. Dude: it’s just that you walked in so suddenly that I didn’t expect you to see us. 2nd Dude: what did you expect I'll see here? Speech clown acrobats? Girl: just do not make a frustrated gay. I know you cheated on me with girls. Right here in my office. Я видела видеозаписи. 2-ой Чувак: какие видеозаписи? Девушка: офис под видеонаблюдением. 2-ой Чувак: нет! Чувак: нет! Девушка: да! Чувак и 2-ой чувак: нет!!! Девушка: да!!! Мониторы на первом этаже. Второй чувак подходит к окну. На улице стоит целая толпа с плакатами. Толпа: Соси! Соси! Соси! Входит Мужик. Мужик: что здесь происходит? Чувак: ничего. Я уже кончил. 2-ой Чувак: она подстроила все это, чтобы уличить меня в измене. Девушка: неправда! Он пришел уже потом. 2-ой Чувак: так значит ты не собиралась у него сосать? Чувак: собиралась! Девушка: неужели, ты мог поверить, что я у него отсосу? 2-ой Чувак: а неужели, ты могла поверить, что Я у него отсосу? Мужик: блядь! Вы все у МЕНЯ сейчас отсосете, если не уберетесь отсюда нахуй. Чувак: все это так возбуждает! Девушка: папа, я тебе все объясню! Мужик: не надо мне ничего объяснять. Дочка, забирай своего друга и уходите отсюда. Я все улажу. Девушка и Второй Чувак выходят и идут по лестнице. 2-ой Чувак: слушай, а кто он такой и почему ты все-таки стояла перед ним на коленях? Девушка: да я просто уронила папку с документами, когда он вошел. Он схватил меня за волосы и завопил как сумасшедший. Офис. Мужик: послушайте, я бы хотел уладить это недоразумение. Вот, здесь сумма, которая должна быть достаточной за ваше молчание. Мужик роняет купюры и присаживается, чтобы их собрать. Чувак хватает его за волосы. Чувак: соси, сука, соси! Мужик: Вы пытаетесь склонить меня к оральному сексу?
Есть у меня друг Алекс - американец российского происхождения. Его родители уехали из России еще до революции, мыкались сначала по Европе, где Александр и родился, а потом оказались в Штатах. Мать Алекса - изнеженная российская аристократка из Петербурга, - отдавала лишь распоряжения, все тянул на себе отец, в прошлом офицер царской армии. Нетерпимая ко всему, кроме российского и православного, мать на дух не переносила ни негров, ни евреев, ни "прочих латиносов", сидела дома, ничего не делая, и третировала домашних. Алекс мать не любил, полагая, что та сведет отца в могилу своими придирками и нетерпимостью, и рано ушел из дома, записавшись добровольцем во Вьетнам. Потом служил по разным горячим точкам. Там же и присмотрел себе невесту, кореянку. Отец его к этому времени умер, мать он не видел лет 15. И решил Алекс, что после стольких лет разлуки мать, возможно, смягчилась сердцем и душой и даст благословение на женитьбу. Хоть и с "узкоглазой". Та, надо сказать, кроме родного, корейского, кое-как говорила по-английски, мать же Алекса, признавала только русский. И вот приезжают молодые в гости. Мать старается по отношению к заморской невесте вести себя милостиво: и на стол накрывает и беседу через Алекса поддерживает. Но удивляется: - А что это она тебя, Саша, так грубо все время обзывает - ебо да ебо?! - Да это по-корейски - милый. - А-а-а... но все равно как-то... неприлично... И так тихо-мирно время подходит к трапезе. Кажется, вечер удался. Разливается водка. Мать поднимает рюмку и со словами - На здоровье! чокается с будущей невесткой. Просит Алекса перевести и хочет услышать от кореянки соответствующее приветствие на ее родном языке. Та поднимает свою рюмку и с сияющим лицом, глядя в глаза будущей теще, четко произносит: - Ты писда! Торжества пришлось закрыть. Алекс больше при жизни матери в том доме не появлялся. Хотя кто же виноват, что корейская фраза для уха аристократки прозвучала столь по-русски...
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Один из самых знаменитых американских телеведущих, бессменный ведущий в течение 30 с лишним лет весьма популярной юмористическо-сатирической программы "Ночное шоу" Джонни Карсон отличался отменным чувством юмора, острым языком и умением экспромтом выдавать убойные реплики. Однажды одним из гостей на его шоу была эпатажная и весьма, на мой взгляд (и не только на мой), бесталанная (в отличие от ее сестры Евы) актриса венгерского происхождения Жа-Жа Габор. Жа-Жа принесла с собой на шоу свою любимую кошку, который во время ее беседы с Джонни возлежала у нее на коленях, милостиво разрешая почесать себе ухо и живот. Джонни начал задавать вопросы про кошку, и Жа-Жа его спросила: - Джонни, а не хочешь ли ты погладить мою киску (рussу)? - С удовольствием! - невозмутимо ответил неподражаемый Джонни, - Если ты уберешь эту проклятую кошку со своих колен!