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Well, very cheap psychotherapy
As you know, a visit to a psychotherapist costs a lot of money. To help those wishing to relieve stress and quench the thirst for destruction, American ... automobile corporations undertook. At the enterprises for the disposal of outdated machines, they introduced a new type of service for citizens. For $ 2 an hour, ladies and gentlemen can destroy the bodies of old cars with a pneumatic blacksmith press. This service immediately became very popular.
Wishing to destroy the “Fords” and “Chrysler” more than enough. “A visit to us costs people much less than a visit to a psychotherapist or a psychoanalyst,” said a representative of General Motors. “The company has a stable profit in the form of payments from those who want to“ stretch out. ”In addition, we received a salary fund savings by reducing forging press operators. "
Women with large and small breasts
Women with big breasts
- they can always catch a taxi
- they always give way to the best seats on the bus
- make simple jogging a very spectacular sport
- leave a dry magazine that is read while lying in the bath
- have an additional argument of influence (on men who are shorter than their height)
- usually can easily find dropped popcorn after watching a movie
- can always carry some more money
- always swim better
- know where to look first of all in search of a fallen earring
- rarely remain without a partner for a slow dance
- never buy cars with airbags
- and they always have one more beer to put
Women with small breasts
- do not cause accidents on the road every time they bend
- always look younger
- drops and food crumbs always appear on a napkin spread out on his knees
- can always see their shoes
- can easily sleep on your stomach
- no problem getting behind the wheel of a small car
- know that people can easily read the entire inscription on their t-shirt
- they know that everything that does not fit in the hand is unnecessary surplus
- they can be late to the theater and sit in place without distracting the entire row
- they can go on aerobics without risking sending themselves into a knockout
- never hear the word "silicone"
HOW TO UNDERSTAND MEN
If you are gentle with them, you are ridiculous. If not, it is insensitive.
If you do not use makeup - they do not pay attention to you. If you use - to flirt with another.
If you do not work, you are just a housewife. If you work and earn more than they do, they will become fierce.
If they pay, this is use. If you pay, they feel humiliated.
If they get promoted - this is a consequence of their abilities and achievements.
If you get promoted, it’s because you fell in with the boss.
If they look at other women, this is their nature. If you look at other men, you are unfaithful.
If you meet with some kind of grief - you're dyra. If you are with a millionaire, you are prudent.
If they are still unmarried at 30, they are highly regarded free guys. If you are not married yet at 30, "the train has already left."
If you are in a bad mood, you are a neurotic. If they have poor people, you don’t understand them!
If you are ugly, nobody needs you. If you are pretty and smart, they are afraid of you.
If they "go left" and you stay with them - you are a complete idiot. If you leave - you are "not tolerant."
If they are seen with a young one - "Bravo, bravo, bravo!" If you are seen with a younger one, this is because you urgently needed THIS.
If they are unbearable - just understand them: they had a bad day. If you are unbearable - you have just your days.
If you do not wait for them, do not spoil them, do not cook them food, do not keep their clothes and house in order - you are a loafer. If you do everything for them - they leave you for another!
2005 Darwin Prizes
Darwin prizes are given to those people who in the most ridiculous way deprived themselves of the opportunity to contribute to the gene pool of humanity, i.e. died without leaving offspring or simply lost the physical ability to leave him.
The results are summarized and awarded the Darwin Prize for 2005.
1. One beautiful evening, 55-year-old Marco decided to make a tool for cleaning the chimney in his barn. The pipe was too high to be cleaned with an ordinary broom, but if you attach a chain to a broom and tie a load to the chain, the broom would have completely gone. But what to use as weight? Marco found the perfect object. This object was both heavy and compact, and most importantly a metal one that can be welded to a chain. Marco did not attach importance to the fact that this object was still a combat grenade.
Marco turned on his welding machine and began to weld a grenade with a chain. In the middle of welding, the grenade exploded, as expected. The force of the explosion killed Marco instantly, fragments pierced the walls of the barn through and pierced the frontal insole of the Mercedes standing outside. The pipe, however, did not suffer.
2. Strength and endurance are one of the most important characteristics for procreation, and therefore physical martial arts are frequent between males. In this case, two drunken comrades were on a pedestrian bridge passing over the motorway. There was no better place to call. They decided to recognize the winner as the one who can be pulled more from the railing of the bridge (on the OUTSIDE side) more times. Unfortunately, the winner did not have enough strength after the victory to climb back, even with the help of his friend. The champion hit the asphalt at a speed of 90 km / h, where in addition he was immediately hit by a passing truck.
3. 21-year-old Vietnamese Nguyen drank with friends in Hanoi, and decided to boast of the explosives he had found since the time of the Vietnam War. The chat blast was 6 centimeters long and 8 in diameter, with two protruding wires. Since it was old and rusty, Nguyen argued that it would not explode. Friends did not agree. To prove his case, Nguyen put the explosives in his mouth and asked his friends to put the wires into a 220-volt outlet. Nguyen did not have enough time to think that even if he was right, a 220-volt blow to the oral cavity itself could be fatal. The explosives, however, worked properly. According to police, an explosion tore his jaw and tore his cheeks. He died on the way to the hospital.
4. The grenadier units of the Swiss Army only finished the first week of training for new recruits who received real firearms only yesterday. As the break came, the commander, a 24-year-old lieutenant, ordered the soldiers to put their pistols on the guard. But after a few minutes, the lieutenant decided that now was the time to simulate an armed attack on a soldier. Using his bayonet, he attacked one soldier, taking him completely by surprise. The lieutenant, however, did not take into account the fact that a little earlier these soldiers were trained to remove weapons from the fuse and shoot as soon as possible. Surprised soldier, seeing that someone attacked him with a bayonet, mechanically drew his gun and fired. The lesson could not have been more successful; the soldier saved himself and protected the units from a surprise attack. The lieutenant might have praised the fighter for his lightning fast reaction and sniper shot. Unfortunately, he was killed on the spot.
5. Elephants are large animals. Elephants eat a centner a day just to maintain their weight. Indian elephants 3 meters tall on the shoulder. They are so strong that in southwest Asia, males are used to carry heavy logs using their meter tusks, a job that requires a heavy tractor in more developed countries. It's no secret that teasing an animal enrages him. Teasing an animal that is capable of uprooting a tree is not the best of ideas. But this was precisely the idea of Pravat when he saw five elephants tied in chains to one Buddhist temple. While the owner of the elephants was inside, Pravdov, a 50-year-old rubber producer, presented sugar cane to one of the elephants ... Then he drew away. Then he gave it again ... Then he pulled it back again. And so several times. Pravat had fun from the heart, but the elephant was soon tired of it. For the last time, the elephant with one stroke of the tusk pierced through Pravat in the chest. Pravat died on the way to the hospital. The elephant got his reed.
6. Fireworks are a long tradition of celebrating the Chinese New Year among the Malaysian Chinese, and are still used, despite the prohibition of their sale and use. Van, a 29-year-old excavator, spent the whole evening watching people launch fireworks near a nightclub near Kuala Lumpur. These were not some firecrackers there. These were real cannon shells reaching the height of the tenth floor before the explosion. Curious, Van walked over to one of the guns, wondering how they work. He was just looking into the barrel when the gun fired ... Van’s head, leaving its mortal body, took off 10 meters high.
And - first place:
The fanaticism of British football and rugby fans is known to all. If Wales wins, I will cut off my eggs! Jeff told his teammates at the club, watching the rugby championship between England and its arch-opponent Wales. His friends thought that the 26-year-old Jeff was joking, but after the victory of Wales with a score of 11-9, he went home, castrated himself, and in this form went back to the club, where he shocked his friends. Jeff was taken to hospital, where he remained in serious condition. According to the doctors, Jeff used a pair of blunt wire cutters to accomplish his goal, sober and without any anesthesia, and the castration process took no less than 10 minutes.
.... This was the first victory of Wales over England in the past 12 years.
- On average, 100 people die every year, choking on a ballpoint pen.
- 90 percent of New York taxi drivers are immigrants.
- The elephant is the only animal that does not know how to bounce.
- One out of two million people has a chance to survive to 116 years.
- Women, on average, blink twice as often as men.
- It’s impossible for a person to lick his own elbow anatomically.
- The building of the main library of Indiana State University gives a one-inch drawdown every year, because during the construction the engineers did not take into account the weight of the books contained in it.
- Snails can sleep up to three years.
- Crocodiles do not know how to stick out their tongues.
- The lighter was invented before the matches.
- Every day, US residents eat 18 hectares of pizza.
- Repellents do not scare away mosquitoes - they hide you. The substances contained in the repellents block the receptors with which mosquitoes find their victim.
- Dentists recommend keeping your toothbrush at least two meters from the toilet.
“Not a single sheet of paper can be folded in half more than seven times.”
“Every year, donkeys kill more people on earth than they die in a plane crash.”
- In a dream, you burn more calories than when watching TV.
- The first product with a barcode was Wrigley`s chewing gum.
- The wingspan of the Boeing 747 is greater than the distance of the first flight of the Wright brothers.
- American Airlines saved $ 40,000 by removing just one olive from the salads served to first-class passengers.
- Venus is the only planet in the solar system that rotates against the clock arrow.
- A game of table football (kicker) was created to entertain injured children in the hospital who could not play ordinary football
- Nikolai Marr, the creator of the “new doctrine of language,” argued that all the words of all languages come from the “four elements” of sal, ber, yon and rosh.
- To prove that the principle of open source is applicable not only to software, Copenhagen students created a new beer brand Vores l, the recipe of which is published under a free license
- Some game consoles may allow you to connect the keyboard, hard drive and run the Linux operating system on them
- One of the largest Baltic ports, the Polish city of Gdynia, was built in the 1920s on the site of a fishing village. Between 1923 and 1926 the population of the new city grew from 1,000 to 100,000
- The famous quote book of Mao Zedong ("red book") was published in China with a total circulation of more than a billion copies, and also translated into all major European and Asian languages ...
- Almost everyone who read this text tried to lick their elbow.
The 12 Craziest Sex Laws.
No random connections
Are you planning to flirt a little in a pair, and then spark up the closest beauty? In England, this is not recommended.
Here, someone who offers a stranger to have sex faces a fine of up to 180 euros or three months in prison.
Kissing is prohibited
While in Russia, lovers should be extremely restrained to show their feelings for each other, because kissing on the street is prohibited here. Lawmakers are confident that an open demonstration of intimacy can lead to sexual licentiousness. Strict policemen can fine you, though the amount of the fine is not stipulated.
Difficult to protect
In many US states, condoms are being persecuted.
Legislators, not paying attention to the dangers of AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases, make it difficult for people to get these contraceptives. Condoms are generally not allowed to be used (as in Connecticut), or openly sold (as in Wisconsin), or they are forbidden to advertise (as in California). But the strangest law exists in Louisiana: here only women are forbidden to buy condoms. For violation violates a substantial fine.
Condom imports prohibited
If you are traveling to Ireland, be sure to bring along a stock of these wonderful contraceptives - because there are few chances to buy them. In this strict Catholic country, condoms cannot be used, and therefore they cannot be sold. After all, sex, according to the Irish authorities, exists only for procreation.
Forced labor camp
Have you met the woman of your dreams on an exotic island and want to make love to her? Do not do this if the girl’s parents are dear to you. After all, if your chosen one is not yet 18 years old, then her parents will face a sentence of three years of forced labor. Because they raised their daughter "frivolous."
Sex in the dark
In the capital of Hungary, Budapest, partners are allowed to love each other only in the dark. Even if you "do this" in the light of your own apartment - it is still punishable by a fine.
Intimacy is prohibited even by candlelight or fireplace.
The question remains: who controls all this?
I saw it personally.
I drive on Saturday September 28, 02 along the M7 highway to the east, and between the cities of Gorokhovets and Nizhny Novgorod I saw a police six in white with a blue stripe. This car was noteworthy for three reasons. Firstly, it stood in a crowded place near a roadside cafe in the village of Talashmanovo. Secondly, a policeman in a cap was sitting inside (without a partner) and proudly watched the movement. Thirdly, the word HUI was written in huge black letters from a spray can on the entire side of the car. So, no need to sleep in the service. PS Or maybe the traffic police finally renamed the right name?