Unfortunately, many women can be, even the majority are unprepared for motherhood. Many indulge themselves with illusions that they can become ideal mothers.
A study by Margolis and Dr. Jenevi showed that only one out of four women actually looks at motherhood. Seventy percent imagine motherhood as an endless frame of work with Donna Reed, when children are nice and adorable and behave all the time, parents invariably maintain an even mood, they understand children. For many, the only experience of communicating with children was communicating with nephews or nieces, when they were asked to sit down for a while with the children who, at that time, behaved well. Naturally, it was enjoyable and was not connected with responsibility. Many women, whose experience made them more realistic to look at things, would like to be excellent mothers, because they remembered well their own not very happy childhood. Researchers say that, nevertheless, those who are more realistic in looking at things find it easier to adapt to the vicissitudes of motherhood.
CAN I LOVE MY CHILD
Very few women, if any, are prepared for motherhood. “When my friends ask me how their lives will change after the appearance of a child, I always say:“ Do you have a good idea of how you live now? So, you will not live like this anymore, there will be nothing of the kind, ”said one mother. During pregnancy, the thoughts of many women do not extend beyond the birth of a child. But, when the time comes to give birth, they ask themselves the question: “Will I love my child?”
Do not expect that you will love it at first sight, psychologists warn. Numerous studies have shown that, although most women immediately begin to feel warm feelings for a child, a significant number of women remain indifferent or dislike. Even among those whose attitude towards the child as a whole is positive, it is not always possible to denote it by the word “love”. And in the relationship of mother and child, love is something that arises gradually and grows. Some women have love in minutes, others need days, weeks, or months.
In recent years, many researchers have questioned the validity of the common concept that there is a certain “critical period” for creating a bond between mother and child. It used to be thought that skin-to-skin contact was necessary for ensuring a normal connection within 24 hours. Today, experts have recognized that contact with the child is only one of the factors that influence the emergence of maternal feelings. One study included mothers who did not feel love for their children on the first day; they said that it happened in quiet time when they were left alone with the child.
But do not be afraid of the duality of your feelings for the child. You are in good company. A study by Eva Margolis and Dr. Jenevi showed that many mothers with children under the age of 12 called infancy the least favorite period of childhood. One study found that the simultaneous expression of positive and negative emotions toward a child is usually for mothers. Some mothers, complaining about how much time they take to take care of the child, at the same time admit that they like to work with him.
As a rule, the first three months of your child’s life turn out to be the hardest for you, because he or she can not sleep (and you do not sleep), often cry, it is difficult for you to calm the baby. At such moments, it would seem that hostility toward the child should prevail, but most women find that their tender feelings for the child increase at this time. And when you begin to understand your little one, who, after all, is a stranger for the time being, when he begins to smile at you, to boom, you will almost certainly love each other.