Two sides of motherhood
There is also a reverse side of the coin. A study by Margolis Genevi found that 45 percent of mothers regard their daily childcare work. Some admitted that they have fantasies with a tinge of vindictiveness “safe” way out of accumulated tension, which warn of impending frustration before it becomes uncontrollable. What leads to such ambivalent, and sometimes just negative feelings?
Partly the ambivalence of feelings is explained by the fact that the life that you led before becomes unattainable for you. Children make huge changes in your life. Everything changes from the time when you get up in the morning to the relationship with people who mean a lot to you.
To help her patients make a real picture of motherhood, Susan Pope, Ph.D., head of the Colorado Family and Marriage Institute in Boulder, suggested they do the following. She asked them to remember everything they do in everyday life "from small to large, from when they get up in the morning to contact with other people and professional activities." “I want,” she says, to understand what it will be like when everything changes in their lives. Then I ask them to imagine such a degree of fatigue that they cannot overcome it. There is a sense of loss, and our culture does not consider this fact. If there is one word that could express the essence of change in connection with motherhood, then this is surrender. ” You need to abandon the previous attitudes. "
Even your time ceases to belong to you. Having children, it will be difficult for you to get out for a romantic weekend. You will not be able to leave the store for milk without making appropriate preparations. The simplest things will be fraught with difficulty.
Children wake you up when you want to sleep, bring hysterics in the supermarket, do not eat what you have prepared, their wishes change 15 times a second, they dare, they are always ready to contradict, in their actions there is no logic sometimes it lasts until adulthood. “At times, it seems to me that Sybil is growing up in me,” says the mother of two girls, referring to the character of the book and the film, a woman in whom many personalities coexisted. What will they be today? ”
But apart from the feeling of loss and the care and upbringing of children, there are other components of motherhood. You start building relationships that can become "the most touching, the most enduring in your life." “This relationship, says Dr. Pope, will capture you all. You not only lose a part of your life, you enter into a relationship that at times will require you to give it all. ”