Despite the potential danger, the only effective way to get rid of violence is care. “It's best to leave, and the farther the better,” advises Gillespie.
Although there are few shelters for women victims of violence, those that exist can provide security for women and their children. Shelter locations are not named; some of them have reciprocal arrangements for hiding women and their children from other states. Some of the shelters provide women with the opportunity to acquire a specialty, help them find a job, get a job, and in some cases help women regain their self-determination. In some places there are kindergartens for day care) for children. In all these institutions, women are greeted with understanding and sympathy.
Since leaving home poses a threat to the life of the woman and her children, most experts advise you to plan a secret escape in advance. “Start discreetly for your husband to change your life, recommends Deborah White. Save some money from grocery sums, try to learn some business. ”
Elizabeth secretly from her husband found an hourly job. “I put aside every coin I earned, she recalls. And then she moved to a small apartment, got a full-time job and hired a lawyer. I used my chance. Despite the fear, I had a little common sense to understand that I should not stay. ”
Before you leave, you need to know where to go. If friends, relatives, or neighbors cannot help you, or if you are afraid to endanger them, search the phone number for the shelter located in your area. Find out if they have a room, and if necessary, ask them to schedule you.
While you are preparing to leave and stay at home, you need to take care of your safety. Here are some tips from experts.
Consider future care to the smallest detail. Decide when and how you will leave the house, by what means of transport or by car, and how you and your children will get out of the house.
Taking advantage of the fact that the husband is at work, go to class or to a support group.
Keep spare keys, copies of documents you need, a list of phone numbers, some money and a change of clothes somewhere outside your home with a friend, relative or neighbor.
If you have to get out of the house at night, look for a safe place where you could go: a motel, a store or a movie theater that works at night. Surely take out the machine in advance and do not close the door.
Talk with your neighbors about the signal you will give if you need urgent help. “Ask them, if they hear a loud noise, call the police immediately,” White suggests.
Learn to recognize the signs of an approaching flash of violence. If you know that your husband is especially dangerous when he drinks, try not to stay at home when he is drunk. Do not tell him to leave. This will piss him off even more. Come out under some pretext (“I need to finish the wash”) or until he has entered.
Avoid being in certain places while your husband is in an aggressive state, especially in the bathroom, which usually has one door, and in the kitchen, where there are a lot of dangerous objects.
Hide kitchen utensils such as knives and scissors that can be used as weapons of violence.
If there are guns in the house, learn to discharge them. Keep ammo in another part of the house.
In order to recover, it is very important for you to consult a consulting specialist. “You suffered terrible shocks, you suffered not only in the physical sense, a blow was inflicted on your self-esteem,” says White. Even after you break off your relationship with your husband, you may still have feelings of guilt. You need to firmly understand that this is not so. ”