The only salvation
Despite the potential danger, the only effective way to get rid of violence is care. “Leave best, and the farther the better,” advises Gillespie.
Although shelters for women victims of violence are few, those that exist can provide security for women and their children. The locations of the shelters are not called, some of them have mutual agreements about hiding women and their children from other states. Some of the shelters provide women with the opportunity to acquire a specialty, help them find a job, get a job with housing, and in some cases help women to regain self-determination and self-determination. In some places there are kindergartens for daycare) childcare. In all these institutions, women are met with understanding and sympathy.
Since leaving home creates a threat to the life of a woman and her children, most experts advise to plan a secret escape in advance. “Begin to change your life unnoticed by your husband, Deborah White recommends. Save a little money from the grocery amounts, try to learn some business. "
Elizabeth secretly from her husband found an hourly job. “I put aside every coin I earned, she recalls. Then she moved to a small apartment, got a full-time job and hired a lawyer. I used my chance. Despite the fear, I had a little common sense to understand that I could not stay. ”
Before you leave, you need to know where to go. If friends, relatives or neighbors cannot help you, or if you are afraid of endangering them, look for the phone number of the shelter located in your area in the phone book. Find out if they have a room, and, if necessary, ask them to write you on the queue.
While you are preparing for care and staying at home, you need to take care of your safety. Here are some tips experts give.
Think about the future care to the smallest detail. Decide when and how you will leave the house, on what type of transport or by car, and how you and your children will get out of the house.
Taking advantage of the fact that the husband is at work, go to class or in a support group.
Keep spare keys, copies of necessary documents, a list of phone numbers, some money and a change of clothes somewhere outside your home with a friend, relative or neighbor.
If you have to get out of the house at night, find a safe place to go: a motel, a shop or a movie theater that works at night. Be sure to output the car in advance and do not close the door.
Agree with the neighbors about the signal that you give if you need urgent help. “Ask them, in case they hear a loud noise, call the police immediately,” White suggests.
Learn to recognize signs of an impending outbreak of violence. If you know that your husband is especially dangerous when he drinks, try not to stay at home when he is drunk. Don't tell him you go. It will piss him off even more. Go out under some pretext ("I need to finish the wash") or while he has not entered yet.
Avoid being in certain places while the husband is in an aggressive state, especially in the bathroom, which usually has one door, and in the kitchen, where there are many dangerous items.
Hide utensils such as knives and scissors that can be used as a weapon of violence.
If there are guns in the house, learn to defuse them. Keep the cartridges in a different part of the house.
In order to recover, it is very important for you to contact a consulting specialist. “You suffered tremendous upheavals, you suffered not only in the physical sense, the blow was dealt and your self-esteem,” says White. Even after you break the relationship with your husband, you may be left feeling guilty. You need to firmly understand that this is not so. "