How to stay friends
There are not many people who need to be taught how to remain friends, but nowadays, when everyone is so busy that they communicate through autoresponders, maintaining friendly relations is not easy. As with all other relationships, for friendship you need to find time and give her food.
Lilly Keane, 44 years old, is making a lot of effort to keep friends. She has several good friends living across the country, and she maintains relationships with everyone. “I send many postcards, she says. When I see postcards that remind me of my friends, I buy them and send them with a small message so that they know what I think of them. And I really think about them. Some part of me is always on my guard so as not to lose the people I want to keep in my life. ”
Although she is not a fan of talking on the phone, she made it a rule to call everyone regularly, sometimes just to remind herself. “Even if I didn’t communicate with my girlfriend for a while, I call her without hesitation,” she says.
In her book “Among Friends,” journalist Letty Kottin Pogrebin talks about a group of friends who kept in touch through their answering machines, leaving messages to each other “that were warm but short.” One woman wrote letters during lunch breaks at the workplace, and two friends met on Saturdays over a cup of morning coffee before cleaning, and were cleaned in each house together.
There is such a part of society that desperately needs friends, but has great difficulty in maintaining friendly relations, it is the mother of newborns. They are often too busy to participate in social life. Studies show that young mothers feel happier and more confident if they regularly meet with other women, especially with other mothers.
“You often lose old friends when you have a child, because you become less accessible to them,” says psychologist Ellen McGrath, Ph.D., executive director of the Center for Psychology in Laguna Beach, California. People feel rejected. ”
“To help your friends not feel distant, she recommends, you need to prepare them in advance.” Let them know that for some time you will not be able to find as much time for them as before. When a child appears, you can sometimes see friends, but do not talk about the child all the time. ”
“It’s important, she adds, no matter how busy you are, to find time for friends. You need to be especially sensitive in everything that concerns your friends and you. ” This becomes even more important when your life paths start to diverge. Maybe you work and your friend doesn’t, or you are married and she is a free woman. Remain attentive to each other, do not break friendships on the basis that your life and the life of your friend have become very different. Soon it may turn out that your life experience will level off again.