About affection for a child
A woman who is separated from her child after childbirth or who does not go through childbirth in the usual way because she is given general anesthesia is deprived of an important moment when an inseparable bond is created between her and the child. “When I gave birth to the first, says Peggy Hathaway, a mother of two children, I could hold him and nurse him. And Jimmy, I have not seen 18 hours. It took me a long time to get used to it. ”
It is not difficult to understand the complex feelings experienced by women after cesarean section. As with other common abdominal surgeries such as the removal of an appendix or gallbladder, returning back to normal after a cesarean section can be long and painful. And this is the first months of motherhood, which require a great deal of exertion. Surgical intervention leads to the fact that caring for a newborn is given to the mother even more difficult.
In some women, when they look at a child, pictures of hard labor may come to mind. “For months after the operation, says one of the moms, who had a cesarean section, I could not even talk about children or pregnancy. If I saw a pregnant woman, I just started to shake. Of course, I felt guilty because I didn’t feel the same love for my child as other women did. After, when I read an article about the psychological problems of the Vietnam war veterans, I realized that I suffered from post-traumatic disorder. As if I came from the war too. ”
But not all women who have undergone cesarean section suffer from trauma. A woman whose operation is absolutely necessary to save the life of her or her child is more inclined to treat her positively. “Typically, these women don't have everything going smoothly, some kind of sixth sense warns them that something is wrong,” says Esther. They include an operation in their life and take it. They may experience a slight postpartum depression, but nothing that can happen to women who not only were not ready for a cesarean section, but, moreover, were not sure that they needed it. ”
Get your way
If you need a cesarean section, do not assume that this will certainly make a bad start. Susan Pope, Ph.D., director of the Colorado Institute of Marriage and Family, her first child, Sophie, gave birth to a planned caesarean section and remembered childbirth as a positive experience.
“I realized that if natural childbirth is impossible for you, it does not mean that nothing depends on you,” she says. You have to insist that everything happens according to your desires. ”
Her advice: determine for yourself what you want and insist on it.
Do you want your husband or someone from your family or friends to be with you? Do you want quiet music to play? Do you want to be with the child immediately after his birth? In all likelihood, you can have it all if you talk in advance with your obstetrician and pediatrician.
For example, says Dr. Pope, she wanted to give birth to be as gentle as possible for her daughter. So she asked about the standard hospital procedures that she felt could have caused Sophie to worry about drops instilled into her eyes, vitamin K injections, blood from her heels for analysis.
“We all discussed them together and decided that it was not necessary to do some things, such as the instillation of drops,” she said. Some procedures are performed for the reason that it is so convenient for doctors, while for others there are good reasons. When you talk to a doctor, you begin to understand what's what. In addition, not everything is provided correctly. Something can be done an hour later after you are with the child. Do not be afraid to say: "Let's not do everything according to your rules."
Another subject for discussion: who will be with you in the delivery room. Dr. Pope was able to insist that both her husband and her mother were present and that her mother was allowed to record the delivery on videotape. “Be persistent, she advises, but not aggressive. Use all your persuasive abilities, as medical personnel may try to discourage you from scaring off the possibility of unforeseen complications.
Find someone who “would be on your side or who has already come across this, someone who would help you achieve what you want,” she says. You will need a person who knows, who can help you in discussing the question of canceling or changing the sequence of certain procedures. ”
“Read everything you can and talk to mothers who are already familiar with the procedure ahead. You learn a lot of useful things, she said.
“Perhaps the most important thing you have to do is actively participate in the process,” continues Dr. Pope. I think many women had problems because they were passive observers of their own families. I understood that, applying all my strength, I take a step towards becoming Sophie's mom. I did what my mother should do, making decisions that would be right for her and for me. I became a mother. ”