Wait until thirty with a little
You can delay sterilization for more than thirty years in order to find out if your attitude to motherhood changes, Dr. Ireland suggests. This is not uncommon. Decisions made when you are in your twenties may not be acceptable to you when you grow up.
“I didn’t think about children until I was over thirty,” recalls Bernadette Grandi, a marketing specialist who eventually had a child at almost 40 years old. I was absorbed in my work and social life. But now my friends began to have children, and motherhood began to seem to me more and more attractive. "I managed to give birth to a baby at the last moment, and I'm glad that I did it."
“It's hard not to feel estranged if you spend a lot of time with women who are all mothers,” says Dr. Ireland. Since most women are mothers, you run the risk of being isolated unless you have childless friends. ”
“This is like a situation where everyone around you is married and you are a loner, Dr. Booth believes. You can live beautifully alone and even choose this way of life yourself, but you feel that you are somehow not like others. ”
Not only will you feel different from others, you really will not be like everyone else. This means that you can expect pressure from society. And above all, from the side of their loved ones.
“Most parents want grandchildren,” says Dr. Booth. They feel destitute if they are not given such an opportunity. They want to see procreation. "
The mother-in-law Jacqueline Fawcet put pressure on her and her husband, trying to convince them to have children. “This was because my husband was the only child in the family, she says. I was annoyed by the endless references to the fact that everyone has children. A few years later I asked my husband to tell my parents that this is our joint decision, and not the case when his wife deprives them of the opportunity to have grandchildren. And the husband wrote a letter to his parents. ”
But, if you get rid of the pressure from your family, do not be surprised when friends and sometimes completely unfamiliar people will give you advice that you did not ask for. “Throughout our life together with Ed, the farther, the more people felt it was their duty to share their thoughts on this,” Elsa Harrow recalls. One of my best friends, who has three children, once told me: “Maybe this is not my business (and I think it is), but how did you and Ed decide not to have children?” I was struck on the spot. It would never have occurred to me to ask her why she decided to have children, and this is a question of the same plan. ”
Going through this can help you one thing. Be prepared for such issues. Have a ready-made explanation for parents and other people who are wondering why you do not have children. “You can say: I just don’t want to have children, I’m now quite busy without children, and not everyone needs to become a parent,” suggests Matty Gershenfeld, Ph.D., director of the Center for the Study of Married Couples in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania. Develop a line of conduct. You must reckon with the fact that people will ask you such questions. ”
Without tying yourself up as children, you choose an alternative lifestyle, but this does not mean that you are deviating from the norm. Not every woman and especially not every man is created in order to become parents. “We tend to forget that in general, women can observe very different depths of motherhood even among women with children,” says Dr. Booth. There are women who are not allowed to be good mothers, and maybe they know this. Are women supposed to have children just because they are women? ”