Wait up to thirty
You can postpone sterilization for more than thirty years in order to find out whether your attitude towards motherhood will change, suggests Dr. Ireland. This is not uncommon. Decisions made when you are over twenty may be unacceptable to you when you grow up.
“I didn’t think about children until I was well over thirty,” recalls Bernadette Grandi, a marketing specialist, who eventually had a child almost 40 years old. I was absorbed in my work and social life. But now my friends started having children, and motherhood began to seem more and more attractive to me. I managed to give birth to a child at the last moment, and I am glad that I did it. ”
“It’s hard not to feel alienated if you spend a lot of time with women, who are all mothers,” notes Dr. Ireland. Since most women are mothers, you run the risk of being isolated unless you have childless friends. ”
“It’s like a situation where everyone is married and you are a loner, says Dr. Booth. You can live beautifully alone and even chose this way of life yourself, but you feel that you are somehow different from others. ”
Everybody has a business
You will not only feel different from others, you really will not be like everyone else. And this means that you can expect public pressure. And above all from their loved ones.
“Most parents want to have grandchildren,” says Dr. Booth. They feel disadvantaged if they are not given such an opportunity. They want to see the continuation of the race. ”
Her mother-in-law, Jacqueline Fawcett, put pressure on her and her husband, trying to convince them to have children. “This was due to the fact that my husband was the only child in the family,” she said. I was annoyed by the endless references to the fact that everyone has children. A few years later, I asked my husband to tell his parents that this is our joint decision, and not the case when his wife deprives them of the opportunity to have grandchildren. And my husband wrote a letter to his parents. ”
But, if you got rid of the pressure from your family, do not be surprised when friends and sometimes very unfamiliar people will give you advice that you haven’t asked for. “During our joint life with Ed, the farther away, the more people considered it their duty to share their thoughts on this matter,” recalls Elsa Harrow. One of my best friends, who has three children, once told me: "Maybe this is not my business (and I think it is so), but how did you and Ed decide not to have children?" I was smitten. It would never occur to me to ask her why she decided to have children, but this is a question of the same plan. ”
Going through this can be helped by one thing. Be prepared for such questions. Let you have a ready-made explanation for parents and other people who are interested in why you do not have children. “You can say: I just don’t want to have children, I’m pretty busy now and without children, and not everyone has to become a parent,” suggests Matty Gershenfeld, Ph.D., director of the Center for the Study of Married Couples in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania. Develop a line of conduct. You have to reckon with the fact that people will ask you such questions. ”
Do not connect yourself with children, you choose an alternative lifestyle, but this does not mean that you deviate from the norm. Not every woman, and certainly not every man, is created to become parents. “We tend to forget that, in general, women can observe very different in depth feelings of motherhood even among women with children,” Dr. Bout notes. There are women who are not given to be good mothers, and maybe they know it. Do women need to have children just because they are women? ”