Essentially, all of these feelings are part of the syndrome common to most infertile couples, which often begins with surprise and denial. “When spouses discover that events do not develop in the way they supposed, the first thing that comes to their mind is“ no, this cannot be. ” It takes a long time for people to come to terms with the idea of infertility, says Dr. Miksell. Some people go to doctors for years and still think that this is only a matter of time. ”
Like other couples, Lisa and her husband Sean for many years protected themselves from pregnancy. They thought that if they only wanted to have children, it would be enough to refuse contraceptives. The news that they could not have children seemed to them such a nonsense that in the first two years of unsuccessful attempts to conceive they did not experience any panic. “We lost a lot of time, why we didn’t understand the need for urgent measures,” recalls Lisa.
Barbara Eck Manning, who founded a self-help group for infertile couples and consults such couples, believes that rejection is actually an adaptation mechanism and “allows spouses to get used to the situation in the time it takes.”
Soon, however, denial gives way to anger, a predictable reaction indicating loss of control. “In most cases, says Dr. Miksell, these are people who have worked a lot, have carefully organized their lives and have achieved the desired with hard work. And now they will know that all their efforts are in vain. ”
Like many other barren women, Liza started accusing herself: “Why have I protected myself all these years?” Then she turned her anger on her husband, who initially refused to be checked, and on doctors who, as she thought, did not sympathize with her misfortune, were inattentive to her physical and emotional state. Everything began to annoy her: “If I saw teenagers on the street pulling the babies along behind me, I wanted to take the babies away and shout:“ If you don’t need a child, I’ll take him away. ” I was angry at the whole world. ”