Essentially, all of these feelings are part of the syndrome inherent in most infertile couples, which often begins with surprise and denial. “When spouses discover that events are not developing as they expected, the first thing that comes to their mind is“ no, this cannot be. ” It takes a long time before people come to terms with the idea of infertility, says Dr. Meixell. Some people go to doctors for years and still think that this is only a matter of time. ”
Like other couples, Lisa and her husband, Sean, were protected from pregnancy for many years. They thought that if they only wanted to have children, it would be enough to abandon contraceptives. The news that they could not have children seemed so fabulous to them that in the first two years of unsuccessful attempts to conceive, they did not experience any panic. “We lost a lot of time, why didn’t we understand the need for urgent measures,” recalls Lisa.
Barbara Ekk Manning, who founded a self-help group for infertile couples and advises such couples, believes that rejection is actually an adaptation mechanism and "allows spouses to get used to the situation for the time it takes."
However, denial soon gives way to anger, a predictable reaction indicative of a loss of control. “In most cases, says Dr. Mikesell, these are people who worked hard, carefully organized their lives and achieved what they wanted with hard work. And now they find out that all their efforts are in vain. "
Like many other barren women, Lisa began to blame herself: “Why have I been protected all these years?” Then she turned her anger at her husband, who at first refused to be tested, and at the doctors, who, it seemed to her, did not sympathize with her distress, were inattentive to her physical and emotional state. Everything began to annoy her: “If I saw teenagers pulling babies behind me on the street, I wanted to take the babies out and shout:“ If you do not need a child, I will take him away. ” I was evil all over the world. "